Date: Wed, 7 Nov 2001 09:47:00 -0800 (PST)
From: Dewey <dewey2k@yahoo.com>
Subject: Brian and Pete Ch.8

Brian and Pete
Chapter Eight
Realizations

    Copyright Notice - Copyright (c)September 2001 by DeweyWriter Ltd.

This story is copyrighted by the author and the author retains all rights.
This work may not be duplicated in any form, physical, electronic, audio,
or otherwise without the authors expressed permission.  All applicable
copyright laws apply and will be enforced.

			     Legal Disclaimer

This story is a work of erotic fiction involving teenage boys partially
based on real people and events.  Names have been changed to protect the
guilty as well as the innocent.  All the usual rules apply.  If it is
illegal for you to be reading this now, then don't continue on.


"Boys!  Get your asses in gear!"

"Huh?  What?"  I'm always a brilliant conversationalist in the morning.
Loud knocking came at the bedroom door.

"Time to get a move on!  We have a long way to go!"

"Okay, okay!  We're up!"  Dad opened the door.  Fortunately we were
covered.

"Just checking.  Get your showers, boys.  I want to be on the road in an
hour."  His eyes lingered on us for a moment before he shut the door.
Weird.

"You awake, babe?"  Pete stretched like a cat in the sun, giving off a cute
little groan as he did.  "Yeah, I'm awake.  And I was having such a nice
dream, too."  Quickly I lifted the blankets and looked under.

With a smile, I replied, "You need to tell me about those!  I haven't had a
dream like that in a while."

Pete's sleepy grin widened.  He said, "I much prefer the real thing," and
patted my crotch possessively, causing me to flinch and giggle.

"Me too."  His patting turned to stroking.  "Um, Pete?  I'd love to play,
but we have to get ready to go."  I rolled over into him, trapping his hand
between us.  He kept wiggling his fingers.  "Pete!  Stop!  We really need
to get go-mphh."  He kissed me to stop my protests.

"Can't we just..."

"I don't want to get caught, Pete."

"We won't; it won't take long."  My resistance was melting fast.  "Please?"
Now he was begging.  How can you resist when the most beautiful person you
have ever known begs for some nookie?  I sure can't.

After, we lay there for a few minutes recovering and waiting for things to
settle out.  He stroked my chest with his head on my shoulder, a contented
smile crossing his lips.

"That's just what I needed, Bri."

"Me too."  A quiet knock at the door.  After making sure we were covered, I
said

"Yeah?"

My mom's voice came through the door.  "Come on, boys.  You know how your
dad gets when he's traveling. You need to get a move on."

"Okay, Mom.  We're up anyway."  Pete whispered in my ear, "Not any more,
we're not!"

"Shush! She might hear!"

"I don't care."

"Okay," Mom continued, oblivious to Pete's little side comments, "Just
hurry up in the shower."

"We will."  I heard her footfalls recede in the hall.

"Shower with me?"

"No, dude.  That's too obvious.  We'd get caught for sure."

"Like I said, I don't care."

"I do!  I think my dad is having a harder time accepting things than he's
letting on.  I don't want to throw it in his face."

"Are you saying you don't want me to show I love you in front of him?"

"Course not, Pete.  I just don't want to take unnecessary chances that may
prevent us from being together.  I love you too much to take that risk.  Do
you understand?"

He looked deeply into my eyes for a moment, and slowly nodded.  "I
understand.  I'm sorry I'm pushing you when you're uncomfortable.  And
you're right.  I suppose it would've been a stupid thing to do.  This
morning was fun though."

I grinned. "Yeah!  And it felt really good too, babe."

"Thanks.  You too."  I started to get up, but he held me in his embrace for
a moment, squeezing me tight.  "I love you, Bri."

"I love you too, babe."  I kissed his forehead (morning breath, don't you
know), and got up to take my shower.  "I'll go first.  I'm quick anyway..."

"That's something we can work on."

"You're sooo bad."  He grinned sexily.  "As I was saying, you should have
hot water when I'm done."

"Hurry back!"

"I will, though I may take an extra few minutes..."  I grinned and walked
out of the room.

"And you say I'm bad?"

I adjusted the water temperature and jumped in.  Just as I was starting to
wash my hair, the door to the bathroom opened.  Dawn was awake, barely.

"Uh, Dawn?  I'm in the shower."

"Duh.  It's not like you have anything I want to see anyway."

"Likewise, I'm sure."  I must have pissed her off, because she flushed the
toilet.  Knowing what was coming, I quickly jumped out of the water as it
heated up.  "Wench!"

"Bastard!"

"Bitch!"

"Fag!"  Silence reigned as we stood there in shock.  My head was whirling.
I opened the door to peek out at her.  She had a look of horror on her
face.

"Brian, I'm sorry.  I didn't mean anything.  Really I didn't."

I sighed.  "It's okay.  I understand.  You used to call me that all the
time.  But, from now on, please try not to use that word, or anything else
like it.  It's different now."  She couldn't look me in the eye.  "Okay,"
she said quietly.

"Dawn?"

"Yes, Brian?"  She glanced up and caught my eyes.

"It's okay."

"Are you gay, Brian?"

"As far as I can tell.  People tell me I might change my mind, but I doubt
it."

"How did you know?"

"Well, I guess I just like boys more than girls, when it comes to, uh, sex.
Girls are nice to look at, but guys do more for me."

"What about Pete?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, he's your boyfriend, right?"

"Yeah, he is."

"So, like, which of you is the girl and which is the guy?"

"What?"

"You know... which of you is the... I don't know... woman."

"Neither of us.  We're both boys.  Does Pete act like a girl?"

"No."

"Do I?  I wrestle, I played football."

"I guess not."

"I think I understand what you're asking.  What do you think a gay
relationship is like?"

"Well, I've always seen one guy acting like a man and the other acting like
a woman."

"That's a stereotype, Dawn."

"But that's what they show on TV."

"They show cartoons on TV, too.  Does that make it real?  You've seen shows
like..  Oh, I don't know... Babylon 5 right?"

"Yeah?"

"Does Babylon 5 actually exist?  Is it fact?"

She snorted.  "Of course not!"

"Then why take what is shown on TV about gays as fact?"

"I... think I understand."

"Pete and I love each other.  We spend time together, we play together, and
yes, we have sex, but that doesn't change us.  We haven't changed from the
people you know into something else.  The only thing that is different for
me is I'm happier than I've ever been."

Dawn digested what I said, then turned quietly and left.

I closed the shower door and finished washing my hair. Maybe Dawn
understood better now, what was going on.  I hoped so.  I turned off the
water after a final rinse and toweled off, then wrapped the towel around
me.  I opened the door and saw my dad talking to Pete.

"Too far out of the way.  I'd like to, but we have two days of driving
ahead of us.  And, the car really isn't up to playing in the snow any more
than it has to."

"Okay.  Maybe this summer we can go.  I really like it there."

"I've been there once, but I didn't get to see much.  Oh, hi, son."

"Shower's yours, Pete."

"Okay, I'll be there in a second."  I closed the door behind me as dad
walked away.  I started digging through my bag to find some
underwear. "What were you guys talking about?"  Pete stripped me of my
towel.  "What's up with you, horndog?  Can't get enough of me?"

"Never get enough.  I can't help it.  I love watching you."  I smiled and
blew him a kiss before returning to my search.  "I asked if we could stop
by Crater Lake on the way back, but it's six hours out of the way.  We
don't have time."

I finally discovered a pair of shorts.  As I pulled them on, I said, "We'll
be lucky if we can convince Dad to take a pit stop, much less a trip that
far out of the way."

"Yeah, I remember."  In the sixth grade, Pete had gone with us on a trip.
We had to pee in a empty bottle because Dad didn't want to stop at the rest
area.  Mom was scandalized, but she didn't say much, at least where we
could hear.  Pete and I thought it was funny.

Pete stood up and stretched again, allowing me to look him over.  He was
beautiful.  I wrapped him up in my arms and kissed his chin, which is all I
could reach at that point.  He kissed my forehead, then wrapping my towel
around him, went to take his shower.  I finished dressing, laid out some
clothes for Pete, and packed us up.  Dad came to check on me as I closed my
suitcase.

"Don't forget to put away the air mattress, Brian."

"We won't, pop."  Dad glanced behind him and stepped in to the room,
closing the door.

"Brian, I have to say something, and I don't want you to think that I'm
angry.  I'm not."  He paused, sat down on the bed, and ran his fingers
through his hair with a sigh.

"I'm having a hard time dealing with your relationship with Pete.  It's not
natural.  Men are made to love women; to marry and have children."  His
eyes bored into mine as I struggled for calm.  "On the other hand, I see
that you guys love each other, and I can't deny it, as I've said before.
I'm very glad you're happy, Brian.  I know you've been unhappy for a long
time."

He sighed again.  "I'm conflicted.  Do you know what that means?"

"You feel both ways."  The whole time Dad was talking, I felt my stomach
start rolling, like I might be sick.

"Yes.  I want you to be happy, but I'm having a very hard time accepting
that you're gay, and it's hard to see you and Pete together, hanging all
over each other.  But, again, I like seeing the two of you happy.  It's
just hard for me to change my mind set.  I accept that you two are
together, but I still feel it's wrong for two boys to love each other."

"So what do you want me to do?  Stop loving him?"  I didn't like the way my
voice quivered, or the sense of dread coming over me.

"No, Brian, of course not.  This is something I'm trying to deal with.  I
don't want to feel this way, but I do.  I'm going to go to counseling to
work this out."

"Then why tell me?  Do I have to live with the fear you'll try to separate
us?"

"I tell you because I think it's unfair to try and hide it from you.  I
want you to know where I stand, and what I'm trying to do to become more
understanding.  Your mom and I have discussed your relationship with Pete,
and we've decided to support you.  We'll never try to separate the two of
you.  I love you, son, for who you are.  You're a special person.  I'm
proud of you."

"So, what does this mean for Pete and I?  We can't hug or kiss or anything
when you're around?"

Dad sighed once more, and sat quietly for a moment.  "That would be unfair
to you both.  If you had a girlfriend, I wouldn't tell you to stop, within
certain limits, anyway.  I don't think you and Pete have crossed those
limits at all, so if I told you to stop, it would be because you were both
boys.  The fact that I even entertained the thought of telling you to stop
makes me sick.

"I don't want you to feel you have to hide anything.  Maybe seeing the two
of you together will help me deal with my issues."  He shrugged.  "But no
matter what, I love you, and I love Pete.  He's always been a son to us, so
now he's like a son-in-law."

The door opened.  Pete danced in with a grin on his face, but it slipped as
he sensed the tension in the air.  "Uh, am I interrupting?"

"No, Pete," Dad replied, "I've said what I needed to.  Brian will fill you
in, and if you have any questions afterward, ask me.  Hurry up guys,
daylight's wasting."  He stood and gripped my shoulder as he passed.  He
didn't look at me, but I'm sure it was because he felt so bad about himself
he couldn't meet my eyes.  I closed the door after him.

"What's up?"  I related the conversation with my father.  Pete's response
surprised me for some reason.

"That's a relief.  Your dad is an honest person, Brian.  I've noticed a
couple things when he was watching us.  I'm glad he admitted it and is
willing to work on it.  And I'm really glad they've given us their
blessing."  He put his arm around me and pulled us together, forehead to
forehead.  "Now, you're officially mine."  His gentle kiss sent shivers
down my spine.  I returned his kiss just as gently.

"I better get dressed, huh?"

"Yeah.  I laid out some stuff for you, and packed you up."  I released Pete
and started deflating the air mattress while he dressed.  I took the sheets
out to the garage to be washed, and then met Pete at the table for
breakfast.

Mom fussed over us the whole time we were eating.  Dad was leaving her
alone for the first time in their marriage.  I think she was scared and was
covering it by being a busybody.  Dad got as much attention as the rest of
us did.

At last breakfast was over.  Pete called Kevin and Sharon to tell them of
our change in plans, then took our suitcases to the car while I folded up
the air mattress and returned it to the garage.

Mom came out to see us off and gave Dad a whopping big kiss.  Pete sat in
the back seat, and motioned me to the front passenger seat.  I frowned, but
he pushed me.  Sighing, I sat in the passenger seat.  When Mom and Dad had
finished their goodbyes, Dad walked around to my side of the car, and threw
open the rear door.

"What the hell are you doing in my seat, Peter?  Get up there where you
belong."

Dad laughed, and as Pete got out, ruffled his hair.  "Just don't wake me up
with any screaming, and we'll be fine."

Pete started the car and backed out of the driveway.  Dad and I waved to
mom, who looked like she was going to breakdown any minute.

"Which way are we going?  I-5 or 101?"

"I-5.  It's a long drive and I want to get settled in before going to work
on Monday."

"Okay.  You can go to sleep now."

"Great!  We'll eat lunch in Weed.  Wake me when we get there."  And dad
promptly went to sleep!  I couldn't believe it!

We followed I-80 out to I-505, bypassing Sacramento.  I-505 merged with I-5
after a while, and the speed limit opened up to seventy-five.  As we flew
down the road, I watched the farmland speed by.  Pete seemed relaxed as he
drove, but neither of us said anything.  I rested my hand on his leg, just
enjoying his presence.

About four hours later, we made it to Weed, California.  It's a small
little college town in the shadow of Mt. Shasta.  The mountain looks
strange because it is surrounded by low hills, and the peak juts out of
nowhere.  It was beautiful, though.

Dad had slept the whole way from home to Weed.  I woke him up gently.

"HEY DAD!!"  I swear he jumped so hard the seatbelt held him down.  Pete
and I cracked up, listening to Dad curse under his breath and muttering
something about "damn kids" and a heart attack.  "Where ya wanna eat?  Taco
Hell or Mickey D's?"

"Not Taco Bell.  That stuff goes right through me."

"Okay, McDingdings it is.  Drive through?"

"No, I want to stretch my legs a bit.  I'm buying lunch."  Pete parked the
car, and we piled out into the freezing winter air.  We picked our way
across the icy parking lot into the invitingly warm restaurant.  It was
noon, and the place was nearly deserted.  Dad ordered a double cheese
combo, Pete ordered a Big Mac combo super-sized, and I ordered a McChicken
Combo super-sized.

As deserted as the place was, it took forever to get our food.  The person
behind the counter looked terribly put out that we had actually made her
work.  I just shook my head as I grabbed the tray.

As I sat down, Dad said he was going to drive from Weed to Medford.
"That's the real snow zone, going up over the mountains from here to
Oregon.  Usually it only takes a couple hours, but you never know in the
winter.  We'll probably stay in Medford."

"That'll only be seven hours driving, Dad."

"I know, but I want to stop and spend a little time with you two while I
have you captive."  Dad smiled at us.  I could see some strain around his
eyes, but he was obviously trying to make an effort.  I returned his smile.

After finishing the thoroughly disgusting meal, we made our way back out to
the car, but not before I slipped and fell on my ass.  Pete started
laughing, so I picked up some of the fresh snow near me and threw it at
him.  He ducked, and it hit my dad in the side of the head.

He turned and eyed me.  "Oh yeah?"  He picked up a ball of snow and went to
throw it at me, but at the last minute, he hit Pete!  "Duck, will you?"  I
broke out laughing so hard I couldn't get to my feet.  Dad continued to the
car, and Pete picked his way carefully toward me.  He helped me get up, and
then dropped some snow down my back.

"Bastard!"  He laughed as I did the dance, trying to get it out.  He got in
the car just as I shook out the last of the snow.  Vowing revenge, I took
the back seat next to Pete, who was still chortling.  I gave him a charley
horse for good measure, but even then he kept laughing.  Kids.

"You two buckled in back there?"

"Yep.  Let's go."

Pete was winding down now, and reached for my hand.  I jerked it away with
a glare, which set him off again.  After a moment, I couldn't take it
anymore, and I cracked up too.  I took his hand in mine, and he squeezed
gently.  He leaned over and kissed me lightly, and started giggling again.

"C'mon, Bri, you gotta admit it was funny.  Right, Ben?"

"Hilarious!"

"Dad!  You're not supposed to interfere in our relationship!  And he has a
lot coming to him for that little prank."

Dad laughed.  "God forbid I come between you two.  And I don't want to be
in the middle of any practical joke wars you have going either.  Leave the
old man out of it."  Pete and I looked at each other, then chorused, "Yes,
Grandpa," before cracking up again.  Dad just shook his head with a grin.

I sat back in the seat, trying to get comfortable, but not really being
able to.  After a few minutes of struggling, I leaned over into Pete,
resting my head on his shoulder.  He pushed me back a moment, and leaned
toward me a bit so we leaned into each other.  I sighed, finally finding
some comfort.  I watched Dad glance at us in the mirror, but I didn't see
any visible reaction.

Suddenly tired, I closed my eyes, and drifted off into untroubled sleep.

I woke up some time later.  We were headed uphill, so we were crossing the
mountains into Oregon.  The snow was piled up high on the side of the road,
and the traffic was light.  Pete was still leaning against me, his head on
the seat, facing up.  His mouth was open, and I could hear him breathing.
Dad glanced in the mirror and saw I was awake, but didn't say anything
because Pete was still sleeping.  I just laid back and enjoyed the ride for
awhile until Pete woke up.

He yawned and stretched as much as he could in the confines of the
car. Sleepily, he asked, "Where are we?"

"Just now coming into Oregon.  It's about forty-five minutes to Medford."

"What time is it?"

"About three-thirty.  You guys slept for about two hours."

"Wow.  And I wasn't that tired," I said.  "Is there anything on the radio?"

"I don't think so, and there probably won't be until we get out of the
mountains."

"Oh.  Are we staying in Medford then?"

"Yes, unless you guys want to go on to Roseburg."

"No, Medford's fine.  I'm getting hungry anyway.  I didn't have a very big
lunch."

"Me either," said Pete.

"Gluttons.  What do you want for dinner?"

"Uh, how about a steak?"

"Seafood!" Pete exclaimed eagerly.

"Pete, you know I don't eat fish."

"Then let's find a place that has both."

"Sounds good to me.  Let's see what we can find.  Maybe the motel will have
a restaurant."

We drove down out of the mountains to look out over the valley.  It looked
like a green carpet of trees with snow scattered here and there.  Passing
through Ashland, I saw signs for the local community college.  Maybe Pete
and I could go to a place like this, I thought, but then I realized that I
wanted to go to a university that could offer us the courses we wanted,
whatever that may be.

Pete patted my leg.  I saw he wore a worried expression.  He mouthed,
"What's wrong?"

I whispered back, "Nothing.  Just thinking of the future."

"Are you sure?"

"Yep," I said as I squeezed his thigh.  "Positive."

Pete rested his head on my shoulder and continued stroking my leg.  I could
tell he was thinking too.  Neither of us said anything the rest of the way
into town.  We pulled off the freeway after traveling most of the way
through Medford via I-5.  Dad found a cheap motel and checked us in,
getting two adjoining rooms.  Thank God he did, because I did not want to
sleep in the same room with him.  He snores like chainsaw.

As we settled into our rooms, Pete hugged me from behind.  I leaned back
into him, enjoying the warmth and closeness.  He kissed me where the neck
and shoulder join, and asked, "Are you sure you're okay, that nothings
wrong?"

"I'm sure babe."  I turned around to face him, and lost myself in his eyes
for a moment.  "I was thinking about where we might go to school when we
graduate.  I still have no clue what I want to study, and that's going to
make a huge difference in where I apply.  Of course, what you want to study
will be a deciding factor, too.  I want a school where we can both can go
and get what we want."

"Me too, Bri.  But we have a year to look into it before we really need to
figure it out.  Don't forget you can change your mind about what you want
to study, too.  People don't choose their majors until the end of their
sophomore year in college.  That's four years away.  Don't worry about it,
baby.  We have all the time in the world."

I sank into him, allowing him to wrap his arms around me tightly.  We
kissed gently, affirming our love for one another, conveying the depth of
our feelings with our eyes.  A pounding on the door scared both of us.
Through the door, we heard Dad say,

"Hey, put your pants on!  I'm hungry!"  I snorted and shook my head in
disgust.

Pete kissed my nose as I headed for the door.  "Okay, okay, don't get your
panties in a bunch!"  Pete snickered as I opened the door, allowing my dad
to come in.

"Are we gonna eat, or are we gonna starve to death?"

"Well, we need to eat, but it looks like you could stand to skip a few
meals, Dad."

"OOOooooo.  One for Brian," Pete said, miming putting a point on the board.

Dad, very much nonplussed, said, "Fine.  You guys stay here.  I'm gonna get
me some meat."  Oh- My- God!  I can't believe he said that.  Pete and I
cracked up immediately, leaving dad rolling his eyes.

Pete said, "T- t- tube steak?"  and we started howling, with tears running
down our faces!  Dad gave us a strange look before breaking into a grin.
He even chuckled a bit.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, laugh at the old man.  I still have all the money, and
I'm leaving now, with or without you."

Still chortling, Pete and I followed Dad out to the car.  We drove a short
distance to a Red Lobster.

A nice looking kid seated us.  He was about sixteen.  I caught Pete
admiring him.  When Pete realized he'd been caught, he blushed.  I just
grinned and patted his shoulder.  The kid left without a backward glance.

Looking over our menus, we made our choices rather quickly.  Dad and Pete
both decided to have the lobster, while I chose a New York Strip steak.  We
made small talk until our waitress came to take our orders.  When she left,
the serious conversation began.

"What are you boys going to do about the school situation?"

I sighed.  "I don't know.  I can't stay out of school forever, and I don't
want those type of people to know they got to me."

"I don't think there is anyone left who would do that kind of thing,
anyway," Pete added.  "Brent and his cronies may be assholes, but I don't
think any of them are violent beyond a fist fight.  I'm sure Brian can
handle that kind of thing."

"But I don't want to have to handle that kind of thing.  I hate fighting.
Wrestling is a contest- a game of skill and strength.  Fighting is a game
of survival.  I don't want to hurt anyone, and I sure don't want to get
hurt, but if they start a fight, I'm damn well going to finish it."

"Have you talked to Kevin and Sharon about this?"

"Some.  We don't necessarily see eye to eye on things.  They say that
discretion is the better part of valor.  I think the best defense is a good
offense, once things get to that point.  I try to talk my way out of a
fight, usually.  But I don't want to be seen as weak, or a pushover.  I
can't handle being seen like that again."  Pete squeezed my leg under the
table, while Dad nodded thoughtfully.

Pete said, "I have a lot of friends, and so do Jason and Jared.  All of us
were willing to go to war with Brent and his gang if he didn't behave in a
civilized manner."

"See, that's exactly what I mean.  I'd rather talk my way out of that kind
of thing, and if I can't, then I want to keep it one-on-one, and not invite
the whole school."

"But Brian, sometimes people invite themselves to the fight, and join in.
You can't control that."

"I know.  But I can try."

"Have either of you thought of taking martial arts?"

"Not really.  It's expensive."

"Brian, I can pay for it."  Dad was offering to pay so we could learn to
defend ourselves.

"Actually, Ben, I'd rather I paid.  I get enough of an allowance to do it,
and I want to.  I don't know why I didn't think of it before."

I snorted.  "Probably because I was being an asshole.  I was never around
and was so wrapped up in myself..."

"Brian..." Pete started, a dangerous glint in his eye.

"Okay, okay.  I'm sorry."

"Pete, you're sure you can afford it?"

"Positive."

"Okay then.  I'll help you find a place when I get settled."

"That'd be nice, dad.  Hey, maybe you could take the lessons too?"

"I don't think so, Brian.  It... brings back unpleasant memories for me."

"Oh.  Sorry, Dad."

"It's okay, son.  That doesn't mean you can't do it.  I want you to.  It'll
be good for both of you."

Pete grinned.  "I'm actually excited about the lessons.  I've never done
anything like that, since I left the scouts."

"Wrestling is the closest thing I can think of for me.  I'm kinda excited
too."  Dad smiled, but there was a shadow in his eyes.

"Uh, Dad?  Can I ask a question?"

"Sure."

"What is it that bothers you about martial arts?"

His eyes narrowed a bit, and stared right through me.  After about ten long
seconds, he shook himself and sighed.  "Guess now is as good of time as
any.  How much do you remember about what I told you about my time
overseas?

"Just that you were stationed in Viet Nam, really."

"Yeah.  Well, sometimes the fighting got really close.  Sometimes too close
for using rifles.  Hand-to-hand combat."  He sighed again.

"It's okay.  You don't have to say anymore," I murmured.  Just as quietly,
I said, "I'm sorry I asked you, Dad."

"I have to talk about it sometime, but not all at once.  It's hard to
remember some things."

Pete said, "I think we can all relate to that, Ben."

Dad smiled.  "Yes, I think we can."

The waitress brought our salads and drinks, and from that point forward,
conversation was sporadic.  I finished first, followed closely by Pete.
Dad was a few minutes behind us.  When the waitress brought back our meals,
talking virtually ceased until everything was finished.  Only dad left some
vegetables on his plate.

"Dessert?"  Pete asked.

"None for me," Dad said, "But you guys go ahead if you want."

"Yeah, I probably don't need it either, Pete."

"Spoilsports.  All right, no ice cream for me.  I'll just have to find
something else."  Omigod.  I can't believe he said that in front of my Dad.
Dad didn't look concerned, but he definitely understood what Pete was
referring to.  I tried to give Pete a charlie horse to remind him, but I
missed.

"Boys, not at the table.  Can't take you guys anywhere," he said with a
grin.  Our server returned with the check, which Dad put on his card.
After signing the receipt, we got up and headed back to the motel.  It was
about six-thirty.

"Hey Dad, I saw some theatres over at that mall across the way.  Can we
go?"

"I'm too tired, but you guys can drive over if you want.  I need to lay
down and digest that lobster, and I have to call your mom."

"You sure you don't want to go?"  I was kind of disappointed.

"Not tonight.  But we'll go when we get settled in Portland, okay?"

"Okay."

"Don't be out past eleven, and let me know when you get back.

"Okay.  See you, Dad."

We dropped Dad off, and went over the mall.  The Rogue Valley Mall wasn't
very big compared to what I was used to, but it was nice enough, I guess.
We checked out the movies, but neither of us wanted to see any of them.  We
decided to head back to our room after cruising the mall and having some
ice cream.  What can I say?  I'm a bottomless pit.

Once we got back, I knocked on Dad's door as he instructed.  He was on the
phone with Mom, and paused long enough to say he'd see us in the morning.

Back in our room, we turned on the TV and found some Law and Order reruns.
Our room had a queen bed.  I'm glad, because a double is just too small for
two people.  Pete and I undressed and got in bed.  I rested my head on
Pete's shoulder.  The show wasn't very exciting.  I think I had seen it
before.  Pete was engrossed, however, so I watched it with him.

"Brian?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about what I said at dinner."

"Huh?

"That dessert crack.  I was wrong to say it."

"Don't worry about it, babe.  Dad didn't seem to mind, and he got us our
own room, didn't he?  I'm sure he thinks we're going to do something. He's
not stupid.  He knows we're in love, and that we have sex."

"You asked me not to throw it in his face, and that's exactly what I did!"

"Pete, babe, don't.  It's over and done with.  You just have to make it up
to me."

"You're sure you aren't angry?"

"Not a bit."

"Okay.  And how am I supposed to make it up to you?"  I smiled up at him.
"Surprise me."

* * * * * *

The next morning, Dad pounded on our door at seven. He kept pounding until
we opened the door telling him we were awake.

"Good.  I want to be on the road by eight."

"No breakfast?"

"If you hurry, otherwise you wait until we get to Eugene."

"All right."  I shut the door in his face.

 Pete was still laying on the bed, relaxing.  I pounced on him.

"Hey, what was that for?"

"Just making sure you're awake, babe."

"How could I not be awake?  Your Dad woke up everyone within a three room
radius."

"I bet I know something that can get you up."  I grinned evilly.

"Prove it!"  And I did.

After our shower, we got dressed and still had twenty minutes.  The stroll
to the lobby was freezing.  Our breath came out in clouds of vapor. The
continental breakfast was actually a pastry bar.  We grabbed some donuts
and muffins for the road, and drug our bags out to the car.  We had given
the keys back to Dad last night.

Eight o'clock rolled around, and Dad was still in his room.  I thought I'd
pay him back, and pounded on his door until he opened it, half-shaved.

"You're late!"

"I was talking to your mom."

"No excuses!  We should be on the road by now!  We could have had a decent
breakfast, but NooOOOOooo, we had to be on the road by eight."  Dad walked
away from me back to the bathroom to finish shaving.

"All right, all right, you got me.  Can you take my bag out?"

"Sure, pop.  Can't let someone of your advanced age throw out their back."

"You're sure asking for it today, mister."

"You got me up on the wrong side of the bed, so you suffer the
consequences."  Dad looked at me through the mirror, and I saw him
grinning.  "Okay, maybe I was a bit overenthusiastic."

"A bit?"

"Okay, a lot."

"That's better."

"Grab the keys and get the car warmed up to.  It can't be warm out there."

"Nope.  Ice on the windows, too."

"Well get the car running and turn the defroster on high."

"'kay, pop."  I took dad's bag out to the car, grabbing the keys on my way
out.  I tossed them to Pete.  After unlocking the car and starting it up,
he popped the trunk so I could stuff Dad's bag in, which was no small
chore.

Dad finally made it out to the car.  He sat in the passenger seat, leaving
Pete to drive.  I settled myself in the back seat, and we were off again.
I handed Dad a muffin and mumbled something about actually having time for
a proper breakfast, but Dad either didn't hear me or ignored me.

Ten miles out of Medford, we ran into some traffic.  We came to a
standstill, and we found out why a couple of hours later.  Shortly after
parking the car on the freeway, we saw a helicopter land about a half a
mile ahead of us.

Apparently, someone stupid decided they would go a hundred miles an hour
down the relatively empty freeway.  Well, they hit a patch of black ice or
something, because their car was scattered across the freeway.  There was
one fatality, and one person airlifted to the local hospital.

Once we got moving again, the ride to Eugene went smoothly.  Dad and Pete
were carrying on an animated conversation about anything and everything,
but I wasn't listening to them.  I sat there brooding, my thoughts
traveling from one thing to the next, with no rhyme or reason.

I was feeling depressed, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out
specifically WHY I was depressed.  I tried to relax and take a nap, but I
wasn't really tired.  Things kept intruding into my thoughts.  I finally
gave up trying to sleep, and just sat there, my mind in a chaotic frenzy.
I started to feel sick.

"Brian, are you okay?"  I wasn't listening, so I didn't answer Pete.
"Brian?"  Still not listening.  "Brian!"  He finally got my attention.

"Huh?"

"I asked if you're okay."

"Uh, yeah.  Sure.  Fine."

Dad turned around to look at me.  I just stared back with my poker face,
masking the turmoil inside.  I still couldn't figure out what was bothering
me.  Pete was watching me in the mirror.  I could see his eyes were
narrowed, lined with concern.  Dad turned back around, and Pete went back
to driving.

I tried to relax, closing my eyes and trying to blank my mind.  I was
moderately successful, fighting back the sense of panic that had been
growing.  I don't know how long I sat there like that, but we pulled into
Eugene for lunch sometime later.

It was about one o'clock when we got there.  Dad wanted a sit down meal, so
we went to Chili's.  Pete and Dad ordered fajitas.  I wasn't that hungry,
though, so I just had a chicken salad.  Both of them looked askance when I
ordered, and Pete gave me a long, searching stare before I got up to go to
the bathroom.

I went into the handicap stall and sat on the toilet, my head in my hands.
What the fuck was bothering me? I thought.  A few minutes later, the door
opened.

"Brian?" Pete called.

"What?"

"Are you all right?  You haven't been yourself since this morning.  You
didn't eat much for breakfast, and now you're having a salad.  You usually
eat more.  Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm feeling fine.  I'm trying to take a shit."

"Don't give me that.  Brian, what's bothering you?"  Pete shook the door to
the stall.

"Let me in, Bri.  Please?"  I debated for a long second before unlocking
the door.  Pete came in and locked it again behind him, while I sat back
down on the toilet, head in my hands.  "What is it, baby?"

I mumbled, "I dunno."

"What don't you know?"  He squatted down in front of me.

"What's buggin' me."

"Does it have something to do with the accident we saw?"  Apparently he
remembered the breakdown I had on the trip to get his computer.

"No, not really... I don't know.  I've been trying to figure it out all
day."  I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration.  "Whatever it is,
it's got me completely closed up."

"How do you mean?"

"I almost had a panic attack in the car.  I could feel it coming on, so I
tried to blank my mind, like Will taught me.  It worked, kind of.  I didn't
get whacked, anyway."

"When's your next visit with him?"

"Tomorrow, I think."

"You need to tell him about this."  The bathroom door opened.  "I mean it,
Brian.  This has been going on too long."  He put his hand on the back of
my neck, pulling us forehead to forehead.  "I'm worried about you."
Someone cleared their throat.  "Promise me you'll talk to him."

"I promise."

Pete kissed me lightly, then stood up.  "I'm sure the food is here.  We
better get going before your dad comes searching for us."

I sighed and stood up, still feeling like shit, but determined to make the
best of things.  I hugged him one more time, tightly, and whispered, "I'm
sorry."

He whispered back, "Don't be.  We will get through this."  He kissed me
again, and then unlocked the door.

A middle-aged man in a suit was standing there, giving us the evil eye as
we came out.  Still feeling angry at myself, I allowed it to come to the
surface.  "Mind your own fucking business!"  The man was taken aback, and
before he could respond, we were out of the restroom.

The food was on the table.  I sat down next to Pete, and picked at my
salad.  I had lost what little appetite I had.

"Is everything all right, boys?"

"No, but we're working on it," Pete responded.  I just nodded and took a
nibble.  Dad didn't press the issue.

When we got back on the road, Dad took over the driving duties, allowing
Pete and I time to talk and just be with each other.  Doubts were still
running rampant through my mind, but Pete's touch calmed my frazzled
nerves.

He moved to the middle of the back seat and put his arm around me, forcing
my head into his shoulder.  He kept stoking my arm and hair, occasionally
whispering his love to me.  I don't know how he did it, but he finally put
me into such a relaxed state that I fell asleep.

I had a disturbing dream where I was at school back home.  I was walking
down the hall, but I had lost my equilibrium, and was unable to move
without wildly veering to one side or the other and crashing into people.
I tried to get someone to call an ambulance, because I knew something was
terribly wrong, but the people around me just kicked me out of their way,
ignoring my pleading.  I remember crying.  I didn't rest well.

I awoke from my dream to hear Pete's quiet voice.  "Wake up, baby.  We're
home."  I didn't want to wake up, though.  I clutched at Pete, but he had
slipped from my grasp.  "Wake up, Brian.  We have to go inside."

I finally opened my eyes.  We were outside of the Patterson's home.  I
could see Dad and Kevin talking on the porch.  Occasionally they glanced
our way.

"Okay."  I yawned and stretched as I stepped out of the car.  Pete stood by
me, waiting to close the door.  I started walking to the house and
stumbled, falling to my knees.  Cursing, I looked around for what had
tripped me, but I didn't see anything.  Pete helped me up, and almost
carried me into the house.

Inside, it was like a blazing inferno, or so it seemed to me.  I took off
my sweater and made my way to the kitchen, oblivious to anything besides
the call of my thirst.  As I got a glass of water, I heard Pete in the
distance, saying, "I'll check."  He came and put his arms around me,
kissing my neck.  "Are you feeling all right, Brian?"

"Not really.  I feel sick to my stomach.  I have a headache, too."  I know
I said those things, but it was like I had my body on remote control,
operating from a distance.  I was also feeling rather dizzy.

Pete turned me around and kissed me on the forehead.  "You're burning up,
baby.  Let's get you up to bed."

"More water."

"We'll get you more once you're in bed.  Come on, Bri."  Pete led me
through the living room to the stairs.  I stumbled a few more times, but
managed to get there without falling.  I vaguely remember seeing Dad, Kevin
and Sharon looking concerned, but not much else.

Once we made it upstairs, Pete dumped me on the bed.  He went about
undressing me down to my boxers while I stood there numbly, then tucked me
under the covers.  I immediately threw them off.

"You have to stay covered up, baby.  You have to keep warm."  He covered me
again.

"Too hot."

"I know, babe, but it's cold in here."

"'kay."

"Try and get some sleep.  I'll get you some water for later."

"'kay."

Pete left, and returned shortly with a thermometer.  I don't remember
anything after that.

* * =-0-= * *

Brian literally collapsed in the lawn, and almost didn't make it to the
kitchen.  Sharon asked me if he was sick, and I told her I'd check.  When I
kissed him, he felt as if he were on fire.  I half led, half carried him up
the stairs and to our room, where he fell onto the bed.  I stripped him
down and tucked him in, then got the thermometer.  Brian's fever was 102.8.

"What should we do?"

"We'll let him sleep tonight," Sharon said, "as long as his fever is below
one hundred three.  If it goes over, we'll take him to emergency.  Just
make sure he stays warm."

"I've got to go and get settled, Pete," Ben said.  "Kevin gave me the keys.
Watch after our boy, okay?"  He smiled.

"I will.  You can count on it."

"I know you will, son."  Son.  It wasn't the usual inflection used with the
word, as when an adult speaks to a child.  It was more like the familial
tone.  His face confirmed it.

"Don't worry, Dad.  I'll take good care of him."  Ben smiled a bit, then he
walked out.  Kevin followed him outside.

"Come on, Pete.  Let's get Brian set up for the night."

Sharon and I returned to Brian.  After giving me instructions and bringing
everything we might need, she said, "If you start to feel sick, let me know
right away, okay?"

"I will.  Good night."

"Sleep well."  She closed the door.

I shucked my clothes and climbed into bed.  Brian was so warm it was hard
for me to hold him.  I finally threw off all the blankets, leaving Brian
covered, and just clung to him.  His body heat was enough to keep me warm
through the night.

* * * * *

I woke up early.  The first thing I did was take Brian's temperature again.
102.9.  No real change.  His face was tight.  He wore the same expression
he had sometimes when he was under a lot of stress.  I stroked his face and
spoke to him quietly, letting him know I was here and I loved him.  His
face relaxed a bit as I did so, but his brow was still creased.

I put on some sweats and went to the kitchen to get something to eat.
Kevin, Sharon, and Jason were sitting at the table, talking.  I picked up
the conversation while I got my orange juice.

"I'm going," Jason was saying.  "I can't afford to miss any more classes if
I'm going to keep my grades up."

"We don't know if it's safe for you, though."  Sharon's voice conveyed
worry, and maybe a touch of fright.

"Then I'll find out.  Remember, Brian was the one threatened specifically,
along with Pete," he nodded his head toward me, "by association.  Look.
I'll be very careful.  I'll make sure someone is with me all the time, and
I'll talk to Mr. Johnson and see what's been done."

"No, Jason, I want to hear it for myself.  When I'm satisfied, you can
return to class.  End of discussion."  Sharon was putting her foot down, it
seemed.  Kevin continued to eat as if nothing was happening.

"Dad?"  Jason made a last ditch appeal.

"You're mother's made the decision.  Accept it and move on."

Without saying another word, Jason pushed back the chair and stalked off
with a scowl, hunched shoulders, and hands in pockets, leaving his
half-eaten breakfast behind.  Sharon shook her head with exasperation.
"It's getting harder and harder to deal with him, Kevin."

"He's not a kid anymore.  He'll be eighteen in less than month.  He's tired
of being under our rules, not that he would do anything serious, but it
chafes nonetheless."

"I know, but he could be putting his life in danger, and for no reason!"
Sharon noticed me standing there.  "Pete, do you know any reason why Jason
would be so anxious to get back to school?"

"Not really.  I don't see him much during the day, except at lunch,
sometimes."

Kevin asked, "What does he do when you don't meet him?"

"I don't know.  Never asked him."

"Does he ever mention anyone he might be hanging out with?"

"No, Sharon.  He never has." I paused for a moment.  "Can I say something?"
Kevin and Sharon nodded assent.  "One thing I noticed listening to you
after Jason left was Sharon said he was getting harder to deal with.  Do
you want to control him?"  I continued without giving them a chance to
interrupt me.

"He'll be eighteen in March.  He'll be an adult, and the only way you'll be
able to do that is by forcing him to live under your rules.  If he doesn't
agree, then all you can do is kick him out."

"We know that, Pete...," Kevin started.

"No, I don't think you do.  You do control him.  Have you ever let him go
to a party?  Has he ever had a girlfriend?  Does he have his friends over?
Has he asked to go out and you've said no, because you were scared he'd get
hurt or something?"

"Of course.  All parents do that.  And, he doesn't ask to do any of those
things."

"Why not?" I asked.  Kevin sat there, hands steepled, deep in thought.

Sharon was starting to get angry.  "You make it sound like we keep him
prisoner."

"In a sense, you do.  He's not a kid any more.  You have to stop dictating
to him and start working with him.  He's got a good head on his shoulders.
Let him use it."  Kevin was quiet, but Sharon's face contorted in fury.  "I
think he's afraid to ask to do things normal teenagers do."

Sharon's rage was replaced by disbelief.  "Why would he be afraid to ask?"

"I ask again: have you ever told him 'no' without a good reason?"

"No, we never have."

"Wait a minute, Sharon," Kevin said.  "Remember after Jeff passed away?
Jason was always asking to go out, to be with his friends, to stay over
sometimes.  I remember saying 'no' more than I said yes.  Come to think of
it, I only let him go out for a sleepover once.  And I'm certain you did
the same."

I asked, "When did he stop asking?"

Kevin replied softly, "About a year and a half after Jeff died."

"Do you treat him differently than you treated Jeff at his age?  Were you
so afraid of losing Jason that you stifled him?"  Now Kevin and Sharon were
silent for a good long time, expressions stunned.  I refilled my orange
juice and waited them out.

"How did we miss it?"  Sharon asked, eyes moist.

"I don't know, honey.  I don't know."  Kevin was also tearing up, a catch
in his voice.

"My God, what have we done to him?  What can we do now?"  Sharon reached
over and took his hand in hers.

They listened quietly as I spoke.  "My guess is that Jason tried to get
your permission to do things while your grief for Jeff was still fresh.  He
was told 'no' so often that he stopped asking.  He didn't see the point.
And since he knew that losing Jeff hurt you, he didn't want to throw it in
your face by complaining about how you were treating him differently."

Jason came down, still furious and wearing a scowl.  He said in a harsh
voice, "Are you going to take me or what?"  Kevin and Sharon glanced at
each other, then rose together.  They walked toward Jason who, sensing
something, backed up a few steps.

"What'd I do now?  You going to ground me," he said in a derisive tone,
"because I don't agree with you?"

"No, son. Your mother will take you as planned, And if you do stay at
school today, we'd like you to come home straight away.  We want to talk
with you."  Jason's expression turned wary, hunted.  "Nothing , bad, Jason.
We just have some things we need to discuss with you."

"Sure.  I'll come home like a good little boy."  Kevin held Sharon tighter,
then she turned to him and started crying outright into his shoulder.
Jason was suddenly confused, and lost his attitude.  "What's wrong, Mom?
I'm sorry.  Please."  I could see tears glinting in Jason's eyes too, now.
"I'm sorry.  Please don't cry.  I'll try not to be angry.  I know you're
only doing this because you love me..."

Sharon turned and engulfed Jason in a huge, tight hug.  Kevin joined in by
embracing both of them, his shoulders shaking.

I decided it was time to make an exit.  As I passed them, Sharon pulled me
into the group.  I felt Jason's arm go around my shoulders.  A few minutes
later, we separated a little bit, Sharon still clinging to Kevin, sobbing
occasionally.

"I don't understand.  What's happening?"

Kevin responded, "We'll talk about it when you come back.  We... realized
some things, and need to talk about it before we see you tonight.  Don't
worry about it for now."  Seeing Sharon in no state to drive, he said,
"I'll take you and talk to Mr. Johnson.  Be ready to go in a few minutes."
Kevin led Sharon upstairs and to their bedroom.

"What's going on, Pete?  This is scaring me."

"Like Dad said, don't worry about it for now.  They'll tell you when
they're ready."

"But you know..."

"And it's not my place to tell.  I'm sorry, Jason.  I can't."  His face
reflected the worry and uncertainty I was feeling.  I hugged him again.

"Have a good day, bro.  Be safe."

He hugged me back.  "I will.  Take care of Brian, okay?"

"I will.  Jason?  I love you."

His expression softened.  "I love you too, Pete."

Kevin returned, somewhat more composed.  "Let's go.  See ya later, son."

"Bye, Dad.  Bye, bro."  Jason smiled again, and then they was gone.

Brian was still asleep, and still hot.  I checked his temperature again,
but it was still hovering at 102.8.  I made sure he was still bundled up,
then went back downstairs to fix a proper breakfast.  I cleaned up the
dishes that had been left there, then got myself some cereal.

As I ate, I thought about how much Brian and Jason alike.  Brian's
isolation was his own doing, while Jason's had been unwittingly imposed by
his parents.  Both railed against it in their own way: Brian by
withdrawing, Jason by internalizing his anger.  Also, neither of them
bothers to ask when they think they know the answer will be 'no'.  Both
were starved for attention, and both hid it pretty well, Jason behind an
aloofness, and Brian behind anger.

I grinned to myself, thinking Sharon and Jason are rubbing off on me,
analyzing everyone.

Finishing my cereal, I clean up my dishes and went back upstairs.  Brian
was clutching the blankets to him, and moaning in his sleep.  He must be
having a fever dream, I thought.  I laid down next to him and wrapped my
arms around him.  He awoke as I did.

"Water?"

"Sure, babe.  Hang on."

I ran to the bathroom and brought back a cup of water.  Brian downed it in
two swallows, handed it back, then fell back into his pillows.  I set the
cup down, and climbed in beside him, putting my arms around him once more.
He was still hot, and I could feel him shiver against me.  Moving closer, I
spooned him and drifted off to sleep, holding him close.

* * -=0=- * *

I was so cold.  No matter how many blankets I pulled around me, it was
still freezing.  It wasn't until Pete laid down with me that I felt warm.
I drifted in and out of wakefulness as the day passed.  About three-thirty,
my fever broke, and I started sweating like a racehorse.  I had to piss
like one, too.

I tried to disengage myself from Pete so I could go pee, but he held me
tight against him.  Finally, frustrated and feeling like I was going to
piss myself, I woke him up.

"Pete, I gotta go."  I disentangled myself, and half ran to the bathroom.
Throwing up the toilet seat, I let it all go with a sigh of relief.  Pete
came up behind me, still sleepy from his nap with me.

"How're you feeling, Bri?"  He put his arms around me from behind.

"Tired, kinda weak in the legs, but other than that, fine.  This isn't the
first time I've had a twenty-four hour bug."

"Are you hungry?"

"Starving!  What's for lunch?"

"Well, dinner is in a few hours.  What do you want to tide you over?"

"I can make due with a couple of sandwiches, I suppose."  I finished
peeing, shook it off, and turned around.  Pete wore a worried expression.
"I'm fine, babe.  I just need to eat.  I'll be myself in a couple days."

He kissed my forehead and said, "Okay, if you're sure."  I nodded.  "Well
then, let's go raid the kitchen.  I didn't eat lunch either."

In the kitchen, a note on the table said Sharon would be back sometime
after four.  Jason should be home any minute, too.

"Where is everyone?"

"Jason went to school, Kevin had to go to the office, I think.  Not sure
where Sharon went."  Pete held up the note.  "Doesn't say.  She'll be back
after four though."

I rifled through the kitchen cupboards and found peanut butter and some
strawberry jam.  "Want one?"

"Sure."

I made myself two sandwiches, and one for Pete.  I wolfed them down in
nothing flat, got up for a glass of milk, and sat back down.  I decided I
could wait until dinner now.

"You missed a lot, Brian."

"How do you mean?"  Pete brought me up to speed on the conversation he'd
had with Kevin and Sharon, then told me about the comparisons he'd made
between me and Jason.

"You think I'm like Jason, huh?"

"In a lot of ways, yes."

"Never really thought about it.  I suppose we are somewhat alike.  And it
does explain some things that have been bothering me."

"Such as..."

"Such as why he's never had a romantic interest."

"That we know of.  He's a very private person.  He tells you what he
thinks, but he doesn't say much about himself, ya know?"

I frowned.  "Yeah, I noticed.  I wonder if he finished writing the piece I
asked for."

"I don't know.  I didn't check."

"Hold on; I'll let you know."  I stood and headed for the stairs.

"I'll come with you, Bri."

Once we fired up the computer, it didn't take long to find Jason's story.

"Wow.  Look at that.  Almost 120k.  About 30 pages or so."  I tried to open
the file, but it asked for a password.  I tried a few of the obvious ones,
but it didn't open for me.

"Guess we'll have to wait until he gives it to me."

"What do you think he wrote about?"

"Don't really know.  Something he's not ready to tell us, apparently."
Pete hummed his agreement.  "I think I want to write for awhile.  Do you
mind, babe?"

"No that's okay.  Can I turn on some music?"

"Sure.  It won't bother me."

- - -

As I watched Pete leave that afternoon, I was filled with conflicting
emotions.  I was thrilled I could now let him know how I felt about him,
and even more thrilled he felt the same about me.  But even with that
exhilaration, there were some nagging, worrisome doubts deep inside.  I was
gay.

I'm not sure why the label is so significant for me.  At the time, all I
had heard led me to believe being gay was bad.  How it was bad I wasn't
sure.  I knew that being gay was a serious problem, since all the guys
seemed to want to pound the shit out of any gays they found.  Maybe that is
why it was so important.  I was scared of getting pasted.

I had never acknowledged to myself that I was gay.  I liked boys.  That's
all I knew.  I didn't comprehend that that made me gay.  I was me.  I was
no different now than I was yesterday or last week or last year.  But
today, I was gay.  That meant tomorrow, I was a target.  Not that being a
target was anything new to me.  I had been a target every day of my life
since kindergarten.  A very small, very quickly moving target.  But now I
felt I had a bulls eye tattooed on my forehead.

- - -

Now, why did that come to mind? I thought.  I pondered that as I tried to
continue on, but it was no use.  It had taken me fifteen minutes to write
it, and that was all I was going to write tonight, apparently.  Sighing in
frustration, I saved the file and laid on the bed, next to Pete.

"Writers block?"

"Not really.  I just wrote something that had me wondering, 'sall."

"What about?"

"When I admitted to myself I might be gay on the day you came out to me."

"What are you wondering?"

"Mainly why that particular thing came to mind.  Maybe it has something to
do with what happened at school.  I dunno."

"I'm sure you'll figure it out."

"Oh, hell!  I was supposed to see Will today!"

"You're sick, baby.  I'm sure he'll understand."

"S'pose."  We heard the front door open, and Sharon's voice.  A moment
later, we heard Kevin and Jason come in as well.

Pete and I went downstairs.  Everyone was surprised to see me out of bed.
I answered their questions about my health, and assured them I was feeling
much better.  A stilted silence reigned over the room for a few moments,
before Sharon mumbled something about fixing dinner, but Kevin nixed that
idea, planning on ordering pizza.

"We have a lot to talk about," he said, "and I don't want anything
distracting us."  Jason looked unhappy and trapped, like he was a prisoner
waiting to be sentenced.  We'll have a family meeting tonight.  Ray will be
home shortly.  We'll eat, then we'll talk."

Jason mumbled a resigned, "Okay," and trudged up to his room, closing his
door.  Sharon and Kevin's eyes met for a long second, then both shrugged,
shaking their heads sadly.

"Uh, Kevin?  Sharon?  Are you sure you want us there?  This is between you
and Jason," Pete said.

"We're sure," Sharon said, "Your observations have proven to be very
astute, and this concerns us all, not just Jason."  Kevin nodded his
agreement as he called in the order for the pizza.

Ray came into the kitchen from the front door.  "What's up?  Glad to see
you feeling better, Brian.  You slept like a corpse since you got home.
What's for dinner?"

"Pizza," Kevin said.  "We're having a family meeting tonight after we eat,
so don't go anywhere."

"Uh, oh.  Who's in trouble now?"

"No one.  We just need to have a meeting."

We waited around, making small talk until the pizza arrived.  When it did,
I went upstairs to find Jason, and was surprised to find him in our room,
working on the computer.  He'd printed out what could only be the file he'd
written for me.  With a sigh, he closed the program.

"It's all yours."

"Jase, are you okay?  You don't seem yourself."

He gave me a weak smile.  "I'll be okay.  I just have a lot on my mind."

"Is that what you wrote for me?"

He nodded.  "You'll be able to read it later, after Mom and Dad see it."
He gave another resigned sigh.

"What's wrong, Jase?  Talk to me."

"I... can't.  Not yet.  Maybe later, okay?"

"Okay...  but I'm going to hold you to that."  He shrugged.  Definitely not
the Jason I knew.  "Jason, is there something in that file that you don't
want to them to see?"  I took his silence as an affirmative.  "Then why
give it to them?"

He shook his head.  "I have to.  I can't live like this anymore."

Like what? I wondered.  "The pizza's here."

"I'm not hungry.  Just come get me when the meeting starts."

"Jason, you have to eat..."

With considerable heat in his voice, he yelled, "I said I'm not hungry!"

"Okay, okay.  Jeez."

He shook his head disgustedly.  "I'm sorry, Brian.  Like I said, I have a
lot on my mind."

Quietly, I said, "I understand."  I squeezed his shoulder, and went
downstairs.  Dinner didn't take long; we were done in fifteen minutes.  We
set aside some pizza for Jason, and headed upstairs to the office.  I
stopped by Jason's closed door and called to him.

"Jason, it's time."  A few second later, the door opened, revealing Jason,
teary eyed and hair disheveled.  His expression was a combination of fear,
dread, and resignation.  He clutched the printout anxiously.

"Okay," he said, in barely more than a whisper.

Jason walked heavily across the hall behind me.  He looked like he wanted
to run away more than anything, but he followed me into the office.  Kevin
sat behind his desk with Sharon.  Pete and I sat on the couch off to one
side, while Ray and Jason sat in the chairs in front of Kevin and Sharon.

Kevin opened up the meeting.  "We wanted to talk to all of you, especially
Jason, on some things we realized about ourselves, with Pete's help.
We..."

"Dad, stop," Jason interrupted.  "I have something for you and Mom to
read."  He tossed his story on the desk.  "If you don't mind, I'll wait in
my room."  Jason rose and trudged out of the office, closing the door
behind him.  I'd never seen Jason look so dejected in all the time I've
known him.

==0==     ==0==     ==0==     ==0==     ==0==

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