Date: Thu, 18 May 2000 13:16:16 -0700 (PDT)
From: Dewey <dewey2k@yahoo.com>
Subject: For the Love of Pete Chapter 13

This story is a work of erotic fiction involving teenage boys partially
based on real people and events.  Names have been changed to protect the
guilty as well as the innocent.  All the usual rules apply.  If you
shouldn't be reading this now, then don't continue on.

Copyright Notice - Copyright May 2000 by Dewey.
This story is copyrighted by the author and the author retains all rights.

I would like to thank David in HK for his assistance in writing this
chapter.  Thanks bud, I owe you a drink.

For the Love of Pete
Chapter Thirteen

For the Love of Brian, Part Five

It hit me like a ton of bricks.  Complete astonishment warred with elation.
I couldn't believe what I had just heard.  My grandparents said they didn't
want my mom to have custody, and had left me a fortune!  Had I actually
heard the number correctly?  Three MILLION?  Omigod. Even if I couldn't
touch it for fifteen years, the other money set aside for me would be more
than I would possibly need.  Kevin and Sharon would put me up until I was
eighteen, anyway, of that I was sure.  And even if they didn't, I could
live on fourteen a year if I got a roommate.

My mind was moving so fast running through all the possibilities at once
that I couldn't keep my thoughts coherent.  The gravity of the situation
still hadn't struck home for me, caught up in the childish excitement as I
was. Then mom stood and moved to where Mr.  Taylor sat gathering his
papers.

"I fully intend to contest this will!  There is no way that my parents
would disinherit me!"  Mr. Taylor shrugged as he put his papers into his
briefcase.

"If you wish to contest the will, be my guest.  Here's my card.  Have your
attorney contact my office. Now if you'll excuse me...."  Closing his
briefcase, he rose and strode to where we sat.  I stood to meet him, as did
Van and Kevin.  Mr. Taylor offered his hand to me and I took it.  Van And
Kevin also exchanged handshakes, as well as business cards.

"Mr. Vanderkamp, it is an honor to meet you.  Your reputation precedes you,
of course.  Mr. Patterson, I admire the work you do.  Mr. Jameson, a
pleasure."  He handed me a plain white envelope addressed to me at the
Patterson's place.  "That is the first of the monthly checks I'll mail to
you.  Remember what your grandparents said about its use.  Mr. Vanderkamp,
Mr. Patterson, if you have any concerns, please call me."  He looked down
at me with sympathy.  "I'm sorry about your grandparents, and I'm sorry
you'll have to face a custody battle."  He placed a hand on my shoulder and
squeezed gently.  "If anyone can help you, it's these two men.  Good luck,
Pete."  Mr. Taylor left the room.

I turned to follow my mom with my eyes, mind still scattered.  Absently, I
passed the check to Kevin, while watching her leave.  She paused long
enough to scowl at me with all the menace I had ever seen on Carl's face,
before slamming the door behind her.  When the door crashed shut, it was
like releasing the floodgates for me.  I stumbled backward, falling more
than sitting on the couch.  All of the fear, anger, frustration, and pain
came forward in my awareness.  I didn't cry, or even tear up.  I just felt
those emotions overwhelm me and then retreat into nothingness.  I must have
suppressed them.  It happened so quickly I was left bewildered, gazing
about the room with a glazed stare.

This was all coming too fast for me to take in.  Between Gramma and Grampa
dying, the funeral, the will, Curt and my mom, I was being overwhelmed by
the emotional upheaval and the events of the day, and I was still scared of
what Curt, and now my mom, were capable of.

I reached out for Kevin's arm and caught his attention.  Deliberately, I
said, "Dad, can we go home?"

His eyes lit up as he pulled me off the couch, and he engulfed me in a bear
hug, squeezing the life out of me.  Releasing me, holding me at arms
length, he stood smiling like the Cheshire Cat with a tear in his eye.
"Let's go home, son.  Let's go home."  Van was smiling too, with a
nostalgic expression.  Kevin and he must have had a similar exchange years
ago.

We walked out of the house ^Ö out of MY house, Kevin's arm around my
shoulders, squeezing me tightly.  It was a great feeling, being close to
him like this. I felt safe, and loved.  Those feelings were almost foreign
to me, but to have them again touched something deep inside my soul.  I
peered in his eyes as he turned to look, trying to communicate what I was
feeling to him.  He squeezed me tighter.

"Do you two mind if I make a stop before I drop you two off?  It'll take
about an hour, and I'd rather not come back out this way if I could avoid
it."

"Sure.  No problem."

Van unlocked his Mercedes, and I climbed into the back seat.  I sighed as I
put on my seatbelt, leaning back into the seat, letting my head fall
against the head rest.  I must have been tired, because the next thing I
knew, Kevin was gently shaking me.

"Pete?  Come on son.  We're home.  Let's get you inside, okay?"  I came
into consciousness slowly, not understanding his words at first, but once
awake I found my bearings quickly.  Getting out of the car was a small
challenge, though.  My legs had tightened up in the time it had taken to
get here from the farm.  I had to stretch them out before I could stand,
and moved in a stiff-legged gait to the front door.  My whole body was
complaining now, my back, my legs, especially my shoulders and neck.  Even
my jaw muscles hurt.  I was shaking, I realized.  There was an empty
feeling in my belly like I hadn't eaten in a couple of days, and my guts
were churning.  I soon recognized what that churning meant.

I made a mad dash through the front entrance to the bathroom, slammed the
door shut, and tried to raise the seat in time to catch my stomach's
contents.  I didn't make it.  Vomit went everywhere but in the toilet bowl.
It splattered everything including me.  All I could think of while I was
frozen in the kneeling position was what a mess I was making, and for no
good reason.  The first spasm passed, and I raised the seat in time to
catch the second.  Again, I heaved hard into the bowl.  The second spasm
ended, leaving me gasping for breath.  Dammit, what was going on?  I wasn't
sick or anything.  Why was this happening?  Just as I finished that
thought, round three bent me over the throne again.

Sharon knocked on the door.  "Pete, hon, you okay?  I'm coming in."  As I
was in the middle of emptying my stomach a third time, I thrust my foot
backward, catching the door just as it had started to open, slamming it
shut in her face.  "Peter, let me in!"  Round three was over.  It had been
more of a dry heave than anything, so I recovered my breath quickly.

Still panting, I managed, "I'm okay," pant pant, "Just give me a few
min...."  And round four took me.  Sharon must have heard me, because she
didn't try to come in again.

I was in the bathroom for quite a while before the heaves finally wore
down.  My neck and shoulders were knotted up so badly I could barely move
them.  My head was splitting from the tension, throbbing mercilessly.

When I finally regained my feet, I opened the door slightly. "Sharon?"  I
was hoarse from throwing up.  I cleared my throat and called again,
"Sharon?"

"How are you, baby?"

I ignored the question for the moment. "Could you get me a bucket and a
sponge?  I made a mess in here and I need to clean it up."

Again, she tried to push open the door gently, saying, "Come on out,
Pete. I'll get it cleaned up.  Let's get you changed and into bed."

I didn't budge, and held the door fast.  "I need to do this.  Please?"

She looked hard into my eyes, and shook her head slightly as she
sighed. "Why do you have to be so stubborn?  I'll be right back."  She went
into the kitchen pantry and retrieved a bucket, mop, and sponge.  As she
handed them to me, she said, "Call me if you want help, okay?"

I nodded.  I couldn't let her see this.  I was ashamed that I had lost it
in the first place.  I wasn't going to ask her to clean it up, too.  And I
still couldn't figure out what had made me sick.

It took me over a half hour to clean up the mess I had made.  I had to wipe
down everything in the vicinity of the toilet bowl, as well as go over the
floor several times with the mop.  The stench was horrible, so I sprayed
the air freshener I had found under the sink to try and eliminate the odor.
It now smelled like rose vomit.  Oh, well, I had done the best I could.

As I started the water in the shower, I did a final inspection to make sure
I hadn't missed anything.  Satisfied, I dumped the bucket's contents into
the toilet and flushed it, then placed the bucket in the shower, along with
the sponge and mop.  After stripping myself out of my fouled suit, I rinsed
out the mop, bucket and sponge until they were reasonably clean, set them
aside, and climbed in myself.

The hot spray felt so soothing on my tired, sore muscles.  I let the water
play over neck and shoulders, trying to relax them and ease the stress I
was feeling.  As I soaked in the deluge, I slowly scrubbed my body,
removing the stink of fear and stench of vomit from my skin.  Washing once
wasn't enough for me, though.  Over and over I scoured my body until it
hurt.  The water began to run cold, but I stood there, not noticing.  The
frigid water was a relief, a purifying, freezing waterfall covering me,
clearing my mind and reviving my body.  Once again, I began to ponder the
changes and events that had recently occurred in my life.

Some time later, I don't know how long, a knock on the door announced
Kevin's entry.  "Pete, it's time for you to eat something.  Turn off the
water and get dressed."  I didn't respond to him, still lost in my
contemplation of the day's events.  Kevin cracked open the shower door,
reached in and touched my arm.  "Jesus Christ!  Pete!  What in the hell are
you doing?"  Hurriedly, Kevin opened the shower door wider and managed to
shut off the water.

Once the freezing flood had stopped, I awoke from my trance.  I must have
had a dazed and confused look on my face.  "Huh? Wha...?"  That was all I
said, but Kevin found it hilarious.  He sat on the freshly cleaned toilet
seat and laughed until his sides hurt.  When Sharon came in to see what all
the noise was about, I jumped behind the shower door to cover myself, which
brought Kevin's mirth to new heights.  He doubled over until he was
breathless, tried to say something, but couldn't because of the hyena howls
that followed.

Sharon gave him a strange look, wondering if he was crazy.  She peered at
me as I peeked around the shower door.  I shrugged indicating I had no
idea.  Again shaking her head, I distinctly heard her mutter something
about men and why did she have to suffer, which caused me to grin.

An unpleasant sensation began to make itself known to me in several ways.
My skin was covered in goose bumps, my balls had painfully disappeared into
my body, and my penis which had shriveled up to just about nothing.  I was
freezing my ass off.  Kevin was starting to settle out, still having a fit
every now and then.  Opening the shower door even wider, I realized I
didn't have a towel.  I started to shiver, and the pain from my groin
almost had me doubled over..

I managed to squeak, "Uh, Kevin?  Could you get me a towel?  I forgot to
get one."

Giggle. "Sure."  Chortle.  He a towel and gave it to me.  As I dried
myself, he asked me, "What in the world were you doing standing there under
that freezing water?  You looked like a zombiecicle!"  Giggle. Snort.

Still somewhat dazed, I replied, "It was hot when I got in."

Again something struck his funny bone, setting him off once more.  He
signaled me to finish drying off as he stumbled out of the bathroom, half
bent over, laughing like he had just heard the funniest joke in the world.

I finished drying myself, rubbing some warmth back into my limbs.  Wrapping
the towel around my waist, I made it upstairs to my bedroom without
incident.  Still chilled, I slipped on some underwear, a T-shirt,
sweatpants, and a sweatshirt.  Socks and shoes were the last items I put
on, since my feet were freezing too. As I made my way downstairs, I could
still hear Kevin chuckling from his bedroom.

Returning to the bathroom to get my suit, I found that it had been removed
already, as were the cleaning supplies.  Sharon must have taken them.

Loud boisterous voices were coming from the kitchen.  Ray and Jason were
arguing about who would do what to whom if Curt had hurt me, or where they
would hide me if my mom got custody.  I stood in the hallway, out of their
sight, leaning against the wall and eavesdropping as they spoke.  Their
tone made it easy to tell that neither of them liked my mom, or my dad,
though they really didn't know that much about him.  I smiled as they
continued telling each other what plans they had for me.  A warm feeling
came over me as I listened to them describe taking me to play golf, go
swimming, or going out to a local teen club.  Then they spoke of how they
felt about me.  Ray loved me, that I knew, but he said he loved me as a
brother and a best friend.  All he wanted to do was help me get back to
Brian.  Jason agreed with Ray, going on to say that I had a special way of
crawling into his heart.  They really meant what they were saying. They
loved me that much.  My face fell into a frown.

All of them have been telling me that they love me for quite a while now.
Why was it taking so long for me to believe it?  It was obvious that they
cared for me a great deal.  I knew in my head they did, but feeling it in
my heart?  Every time I thought my heart understood, it closed off again,
like nothing had changed.  My heart wasn't ready to accept that people did
love me and care for me. Too much rejection for my heart to open up.  I
still didn't feel worthy of their love.

Here I was, a fifteen year old kid whose parents had rejected him
completely, who had nothing to offer to anyone, not even his boyfriend, if
he still knew I was even alive.  Tears formed in my eyes.  And that was
another problem.  I was a fifteen year old GAY boy whose parents rejected
him.  My parents didn't love me.  If they did, they wouldn't have abandoned
me. I was unlovable.  I didn't deserve to have anyone love me.

And why do people tell me I'm special when I'm not?  I don't have anything
that other people don't.  I'm the rule, not the exception.  I don't have
talent, I don't look like a model.  People say I'm strong, but look at what
happens to me when I'm under pressure.  I lose my lunch.  I crumble.  I'm
not strong.  I'm a weak, scared little boy, afraid of his own shadow.

A touch on my shoulder startled me so badly I yelped.  Turning around, I
saw Sharon peering at me, trying to guess what I had been thinking.  Ray
and Jason came around the corner to see what had happened, but retreated
when they saw Sharon and I locking eyes.

Before she could ask anything, I said, " Please don't scare me like that.
I'm fine.  I was just thinking."  I turned and tried to make my escape, but
her hand grabbed my arm and stopped me.

"What were you thinking about, Pete?"  Her voice was calm and quiet, almost
comforting, but I caught anxiety in her tone, too.

"Sharon, I'm not ready, OK?  I need some time."  She was obviously not
pleased with my response to her question, but she didn't want to make an
issue of it.

"All right.  I'll give you some space, but you ARE going to tell me what is
running around in that brain of yours in the near future."  Her demanding
manner was starting to piss me off.

"Look, I know you are my mom and everything, but don't push me.  If you
push me...  well, you won't like my reaction.  I'll talk when I'm ready,
and not before.  Just let me be, and don't badger me."

"Now look here..."  I lost it.

"No, you look here!  Do you think that just because some judge signed a
piece of paper making you my guardian that you can just make your demands
and I will cave?  You better think again!"

She was furious.  Her face was flushed and mottled, her lips tight. I
deliberately turned my back to her and went into the kitchen to find a
snack to hold me over until dinner.  Sharon followed me to the kitchen, but
stalked on to the family room and up the stairs.  She was stomping as she
climbed them toward her bedroom.

"Oh wow, was she pissed! Man, Pete, you have some balls, talking back to
her like that.  If I did that, she'd ground me for a month."  Ray was
looking at me, almost in awe.

Jason nodded his head in agreement.  "I talked to her like that once about
a year ago.  Remember, Ray?  She read me the riot act and canceled all my
plans for two weeks.  It really sucked."

"Well, all I have to say is I am going to be myself.  I'm not going to
knuckle under just because she gets angry.  We have to learn how to deal
with each other, and I'm letting them know right now that I won't be
bullied anymore."  Both Ray and Jason fell silent, trading surprised looks.

I guess that Jason, being born and raised with Sharon and Kevin as mom and
dad, hadn't really ever stood up to them.  From what I could tell, they
were reasonable parents, letting him do as he liked, with in reason.

Ray had been here or a couple of years.  Maybe he had been young enough
coming here that he fell into the child role easily.  He certainly deferred
to them, but still, they let him be most of the time, too.

Then came me.  I had grown up so fast over the last sixteen months or so.
Since mom had abandoned me, I had hardened, learning my adult identity, and
setting my own boundaries with other people.  I couldn't give up that power
now, not without a fight.  I wouldn't allow anyone to control me that much,
and as much as I loved them, if Kevin and Sharon tried to control me, I
would leave.

As I fixed myself an egg salad sandwich, Kevin come down stairs, his
expression ominous.  He waited until I had finished and put everything
away, then said, "We need to talk."  I saw Sharon behind him, glaring at
me.

Oh fuck.  Here it comes.  Couldn't this wait?  I had been through too much
today already, I wasn't sure I could handle this also.  Putting my sandwich
back on the counter, I nodded once and followed him out of the kitchen, up
the stairs, and into the office, avoiding Sharon's gaze.  She followed of
course, closing the door behind us with more force than necessary.

Without waiting for me to sit, Kevin began. "Up until now you have been a
guest here, and we've been treating you like one, because you were staying
here temporarily. But from now on it will be different. You'll be joining
this family, and we'll be your parents, or at least acting as your
parents. We'll be responsible for you, and you'll be one of our sons.
Parents and sons have roles and rules. We'll have to work out what they are
exactly, but there will be certain expectations from now on."

"First off, ground rules provide structure and familiarity to our
lives. They help to keep us in a comfortable place, a place we recognize as
home. Among my expectations is you showing respect for Sharon and
myself. We'll give you as much freedom as we can, but you will not
disrespect her the way you did downstairs just a few minutes ago." I put on
my mask and gave him an impassive stare.

"Are you aware that you really hurt her?  Don't you see that what you do
and say has a powerful impact on other people?  It isn't all just about
you!  Why do you think Sharon deserves the attitude you showed her? She is
trying to help you, whether you believe it or not. She is a professional at
this, and she can help you resolve the problems you face if you let her
in. What do you have to say for yourself?"

His eyes tried to pin me to the chair, but I was done playing. I glared
back at him, challenging him. "You're right, we need to set some ground
rules. Just because you have guardianship over me, don't expect me to roll
over for you and be the submissive little puppy dog Ray has been. He had a
rough time, yes. Maybe he needed that kind of parenting." Kevin sat back in
his chair, surprised at my defiance.

"I don't need the same things he did. I have fought too hard and too long
to let you dictate my life to me. I have lost my father, my mother, my best
friend, my grandparents...  everything. I've survived. I made it because I
could determine what I needed, and when I needed it." I stood and leaned
forward on the desk, my nose no more than twelve inches from his. "You may
have the legal right to act as parent, but don't you dare think you can
dominate me. If you try, I'm out of here."

My head swiveled to Sharon as she spoke. "We are well aware you aren't Ray,
and that the two of you are very different people, but you DO need that
kind of parenting. You had to try and determine what you needed and when
because there wasn't anyone who would help you.  Sometimes you made good
decisions under the circumstances, but sometimes you didn't. That's not
your fault, because you're young and don't have the life experience or the
support you sometimes needed to make better ones. That isn't the case
anymore.  We are here, and we want to help.

"Sometimes kids who have had to grow up too fast make mistakes. You just
made a big one, but you don't have to make another one now by leaving in
haste.  And if you did leave, where would you go? You need us, and you need
a home.  You aren't ready to be out on your own yet, taking care of
yourself, regardless of what you think."  Her words made me angry.

Heatedly, I said, "I am my own person, and not an extension of you or him
or anyone."  I continued in a calmer tone.  "This is new for all of us, so
there is going to be an adjustment period, but I will not allow you to
confine me into a role. If you can't deal with that, then let's cut our
losses. I can be packed in fifteen minutes."

"Pete, you're not listening.  You don't have to be on your own to be your
own person.  When you're at the age you are, it sometimes seems that, in
the struggle to find yourself, you are also struggling to gain your
independence from authority, namely, your parents ^Ö us.  That isn't the
way it has to be."

"You don't understand!"  I was yelling in frustration, and Sharon, unfazed,
yelled right back.

"Then HELP us to understand! The reason you struggle with us is because
you're afraid that we will try to dominate you!  But we know that we can't
do that.  We know we have to give you the room and the freedom to find out
who you really are, but at the same time we need to be someone you trust,
someone you can run back to if you get in over your head, or get lost. If
you don't have us and you do get in over your head, you'll have no way to
get out.  If you get lost, who will lead you back?"

Ignoring her words again, I continued, "I'm sorry that I upset you. But my
feelings are what is important here. I'll try to adjust, but it has to be
both ways. I can't, and won't, willingly put myself in an environment where
I am ignored again. Never again. I won't be dominated."

"Just a minute Pete." Kevin broke in. "There is a difference between us
dominating you and us parenting you. We don't want to dominate you. Far
from it. If we were to dominate you, it would destroy what makes you,
you. What makes you special.

"And what makes you think you will be ignored with us?  We all have needs,
and we all have to get them met somehow.  Our job is to meet your needs
until they are no longer needs.  But you're missing one thing, here.  Just
as everyone has needs, we all have feelings, too.  Our feelings are just as
important as your own, even if you are a survivor of abuse.  You can't use
your past to justify abusing others, like you just did with Sharon,
downstairs.

Sharon interrupted, "You had to take on adult responsibilities to get
through all of the stuff you went through. You had to make decisions that
put a burden on you you never should have had. And in spite of all that you
have been through, you are still a kid. You're only 15. You should be able
to act like a kid and not worry about what is going to happen in the next
couple of months, or years even. We want you to be able to be yourself,
without anything hanging over you. As your guardians, we'll take those
responsibilities and burdens that you have taken upon yourself so you can
be a kid again."

"I don't feel like a kid. And I am being myself."

"Really? Do you normally puke your guts out when you walk in the front
door?" Kevin's voice held a touch of amusement, then turned serious again.
"Have you always tried to be strong and tough, to not let your feelings
show? If you can't show your feelings, then you aren't showing the real you
either, right?"  I shrugged. What could I say? Kevin had me pegged.

"You learned from your father that you couldn't express yourself.  By your
description of your dad, he couldn't express his feelings either.  And your
mom, she lets her feelings rule her life because she doesn't care about the
fact her feelings are destroying those around her. Do you want to turn out
treating yourself and others like your father and mother did?  Do you
really want to be like them?  Or do you want to learn to be truly different
from them?"

That was a low blow I didn't expect, shocking me.  He knew how I felt and
he asked me if I wanted to be LIKE them?  My mask slipped a bit as the
anger broke through.  I turned my face away from both of them to hide my
rage.

"No matter what has happened in your past, no matter how poorly your
parents have treated you, you still need a father. You still need a
mother. You need someone to take the burden off of your shoulders just a
bit. You need to be parented, but in a healthy way now, instead of what you
knew. You need limits set for you, for your own protection.  You need
parents to discipline and teach you. We also realize that it will be hard
for you to allow us to do that.  You're afraid of getting hurt again, and
you may get angry when we set limits.  You'll want to do things your way,
and sometimes we won't let you.  We'll all have to learn to compromise, and
that's not easy."  He slouched into his chair.

"And you need love. A lot of it. We want to give it to you, if you'll let
us."

Sharon cleared her throat. "Maybe I did come on a little strong. I tend to
do that. But the only reason I do is because I genuinely care about you,
Pete, and I hate to see any of my kids," she smiled as she said that, "in
any pain. I know you carry a lot of pain in your heart. If you look deep
inside, you might see it, too. I promise to try and wait until you are
ready to talk. I won't bring it up again unless I think it's serious.  But
please," She leaned in and put her hand on my arm as a pleading expression
came over her face, "please come to me when you are ready."

Kevin had an earnest expression now as he spoke. "You can't expect yourself
to be an adult yet, Pete. That's too much to ask of yourself. You aren't
prepared yet. I realize you may feel you are, but you're not. You still
have a couple of years of childhood to catch up on, plus the rest of your
childhood you still have ahead of you. Do you think you can trust us enough
to let yourself be a kid?"

I had listened to them, and I could feel what they said was true and
sincere. I was putting up a brave front, because I didn't know what else to
do. I was trying to be an adult and failing miserably. But to trust them?
After the betrayal I had been through, that would be tough.

They sat silently, watching me for some reaction. I spoke at last, eyes
down. "I don't know. I'm so tired of being always on my guard, waiting for
the next shoe to drop, and pretending that everything is fine. I don't want
to have to be strong anymore. But I don't know how to let it go! Why did
this have to happen to me? What did I do to cause this?"  Tears trickled
down my face. Crying again. Wonderful. You'd think I was a basket case as
much as I cried. "I don't want to leave you! I'm happy here, but I'm so
confused and tired I don't know what to do!" Tears continued to roll down
my face as my voice dropped to a whisper as I fought back the sobs, held in
check just under the surface. "I can't figure it out.  I don't know what to
do anymore."  The sobs overtook me. As I sat there weeping, Kevin and
Sharon both put their arms around me, holding me while the tears fell.

Sharon stroked my hair as she quietly said, "Pete, you don't have to know
what to do all the time.  You're still a boy.  That's the whole point.  Let
us figure out what to do, sometimes for you, sometimes with you.  That's
what parents are for.  To teach you how to be an adult, and to shield you
from the adult world until you are ready."

As I wound down, she continued.  "I know now why you said what you did,
Pete.  Sometimes when we are frightened, and trying to protect ourselves,
we say things that can hurt others, and make us seem mean and angry.  If
you are afraid, then you lash out to keep people from getting too close,
because you don't feel it's safe to let them in.  Others can see that as a
lack of respect, or being selfish.  But I know you were trying to protect
yourself.  I'm sorry.  I didn't realize where you were, which makes me a
real good shrink, huh?"

I smiled weakly, completely overwhelmed.  I guess I hadn't seen things from
their perspective.  Grudgingly, I admitted that they were right on all
counts.  I did have too much pressure, too much stress.  I needed help, I
needed to know that I belonged somewhere, and that I had someone to fall
back on.

Fatigue suddenly took me, and a huge double yawn escaped.  Kevin chuckled,
and Sharon hid a smile as I finished.

"Sorry," I mumbled.  They both grinned.

"We're sorry too, Pete.  You had been through so much already today, and
then this. Are you okay?"  I nodded.  "We can finish this later.  Why don't
you change and get to bed.  You're exhausted."  I nodded again.

As I stood to leave, they engulfed me in another hug, Sharon kissing my
cheek.  "Pete, don't think for a minute that you aren't wanted and loved.
We need you here."  I didn't say anything in reply.  I couldn't find the
words.

Releasing me, they followed me to my room, said their good-nights and shut
the door behind me.  I stripped off my shirts, tripped and almost fell
while getting out of my sweatpants, and stumbled to the bed.  The next
thing I remember was the sun coming up.

Over the next few days, we talked about how things were going to be, what
they expected of me, what I could expect of them.  We talked about the
immediate future and the court case, school, the money issue, and how all
of that would be taken care of.

For the court case, Van and Kevin assured me that unless I was required to
be there, I wouldn't have to go, which relieved me.  I didn't want to face
my mom again if I didn't have to, and I especially didn't want to see Curt.
There would be times I needed to speak with the judge, but my mom wouldn't
be there.

School was fast approaching.  Registration was just a few days away.  I had
decided that I wouldn't be going out for any fall sports this year because
I didn't feel like I had the energy.  There was no sense of anticipation
for school like I had in the past, just dread.  I had no idea how much
publicity my case would get.  About the only thing I was looking forward to
were the support group meetings.

The money issues really didn't amount to anything.  Kevin made enough to
pay for my expenses and they wouldn't take anything from me.  I demanded
that they at least let me pay for what I wanted, like clothes and other
stuff.  They finally agreed as long as I didn't go overboard, and I
promised I wouldn't.  Other than that, the money was to be saved.  They
even mentioned I might be able to get a car later on.

The next couple of weeks went quickly.  Jason had Jared over for a day just
before school.  He talked to me about diving again, and I told him I'd
think about it.

We finished our school shopping in one day, but it was a torturous affair.
As money wasn't really a limitation, I enjoyed getting some decent clothes
instead of the K-mart specials I used to wear.  We also picked up the
obligatory paper, pencils, and other assorted things.

Nothing really interesting happened over the next year.

My birthday came and went. School progressed smoothly.  Class work was
relatively easy, but I wasn't taking any difficult classes, either.  I went
ahead and tried out for football after all, and made the JV squad, but I
didn't get a starting position until the middle of the season because I
started so late.

As the months passed, I learned that the Pattersons were people of their
word.  Kevin, Sharon, and I had made our peace.  We did have our moments,
but those were quickly smoothed out.  They did exactly what they said they
would.  Kevin and Sharon didn't try to control me as I had feared, but
instead let me make mistakes and learn from them.  I still had bad days,
but they were both there for me when I needed them.  I did eventually trust
Sharon enough to talk to her, pouring out my darkest fears and my past
hurts to her.  In spite of the manner she had shown before, I found her a
pleasant and understanding person to talk to, gently drawing me out of my
armor.

Family life settled down into a comfortable routine that was anything but
routine.  You never knew what was going to happen, but instead of tension,
there was a sense of happy anticipation.  Jason, Ray, and I became true
brothers, close in every aspect of our lives, sharing just about
everything.  Jared became a fixture at the house too.  He would join the
three of us and hang out, or go with if we were doing something in town.
Fortunately, Jason could drive so our range had increased considerably.  We
went all over the Portland area.  Jason and I noticed that Jared and Ray
were working on being more than just friends, and they were taking it slow
and easy.

My freshman year came to a close.  I had played baseball in the spring,
earning a place on the JV team as an outfielder.  My grades weren't
stellar, but they were good enough.

As far as the custody fight went, it turned into a long, drawn out legal
battle full of technicality and loopholes.  Van was still fighting hard,
but there was no end in sight.  The issue now wasn't just my custody, but
my inheritance as well.  I hadn't been called in to court by the end of my
freshman year, so I didn't see my mom or Carl at all.

I received my check on the first of every month, and turned it over the
same day.  The money in my account was not used at all.  I insisted, and
they pulled rank on me saying they could afford me.  I just shook my head
and tried to guilt them into taking something, but they didn't let me get
away with it.

I still tried to contact Brian by mail, and I even tried by phone, but each
time I called, his parents said he wasn't home, or he wasn't available.  My
letters grew lengthy, telling him everything that had happened from when
mom had taken me away.  I must have sent one every other week.  I was
certain that they were being intercepted and he wasn't getting them.  If he
was and he didn't want to hear from me, he would have written and told me.
Even if he didn't read them, it helped me to write to him, releasing some
of the pain into my words.

That summer we decided to take our trip down to Crater Lake in southern
Oregon in the middle of August.  Again we invited Jared, but instead of
having JoAnne with us, her friend's family invited her on their summer
vacation to Disney World.  Of course, she made a pest of herself until
Sharon finally said okay.

About a week before our trip, Sharon and Kevin had a long talk between
themselves, and announced shortly there after that this was going to be an
all boys trip.  She was going to go see her parents and some old friends
instead.  We all said the appropriate things, but I think the idea excited
all of us, Kevin included.

Before we left, I made arrangements with my football coach for my vacation,
and got the play book and an exercise routine, which I ignored. I did study
the playbook, though

Our trip was terrific.  We followed I-5 down through the heart of Oregon to
a fair sized town called Medford, where we caught the two lane road leading
to Crater Lake National Park.  Along the way we stopped at several out of
the way campgrounds where the five of us became little kids again, playing
football, Frisbee, tag (if you can believe that!), hide and seek- whatever
came in our heads at the time.  We played hard until dark, barbecued
chicken and hamburgers, then played cards or board games until midnight.  I
think Kevin was having the most fun, shedding years like maple trees do
leaves.

When we finally made it to the park, I was surprised at how beautiful the
country was, Pine trees abounded and meadows dotted the landscape here and
there.  The views were tremendous.  I must have burned a dozen rolls of
film in three days.  I made sure to get pictures of all of us at various
times, like when Jared dumped a bucket of ice water on Kevin as he relaxed
in the afternoon sun, or Ray and Jason sitting on a rock looking out over
the valley below, arms around each other.  I snapped picture after picture
of my new family.

The pictures I treasure the most though are of Kevin, Jason and Ray.  They
are a series of three shots.  The first shows them standing side by side,
Kevin in the middle, looking at some scenery with the mountain as a
backdrop, his arms around the boys' shoulders.  The second shows the boys
looking to their- our father, expressions worried, with a sad face and
uncertain eyes.  The third, my favorite of the series, shows the boys
wrapped protectively in Kevin's arms, their heads buried in his shoulders,
being comforted.

All to soon, our vacation wound down, and we had to return to real life. We
made the trip back in two days.  We went school shopping the next day, and
finished it all.  School started and I was again playing on the JV squad,
starting as a linebacker.

One day, about the middle of October, Van came to visit us.  Kevin and I
greeted him as he came in, but his news was unsettling to me.  The judge
wanted to see me in court the following Monday.

-----------------------
Constructive criticism and comments gladly accepted.  Please e-mail me at
dewey2k@yahoo.com. Flames will be deleted.
-----------------------

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and later post them at other sites.  AWW is an awesomes site that has
several authors contributing to it.  The stories found there are love
stories, not sex stories (although some of that does slip in).  I recommend
you check it out.  The address is: http://www.teenboyauthors.org/aww/

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