Date: Sun, 20 Aug 2000 23:15:40 -0700
From: dewey2k <dewey2k@yahoo.com>
Subject: For The Love Of Pete 19

  This story is a work of erotic fiction involving teenage boys partially
based on real people and events.  Names have been changed to protect the
guilty as well as the innocent.  All the usual rules apply.  If you
shouldn't be reading this now, then don't continue on.

Copyright Notice - Copyright August 2000 by Dewey.

This story is copyright by the author and the author retains all rights.
This work may not be duplicated in any form, physical, electronic, audio,
or otherwise without the authors expressed permission.  All applicable
copyright laws apply.

For the Love of Pete
Chapter Nineteen

  "Hello, my baby!"  My mother was squealing like a little child, she was
so excited to see me.  It was almost nauseating.  She engulfed me in a hug
that threatened to squeeze the air out of me, and it was all I could do to
endure it until she was done.  "Let me see you."  Pushing me out to arms
length, she examined me like a show dog on the table.  Over her shoulder,
my father was looking on, his expression carefully neutral.  He caught my
eyes, nodded in greeting, and then immediately shifted his gaze.  I thought
I saw his mouth turn down a bit, maybe in sadness.

  Mom continued her poking and prodding as we took the long walk from the
gate to the baggage claim.  Along the way, Mom asked even more questions.
Mostly, I could give one- word answers.  She stopped asking about halfway
to the baggage claim.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her exchange
glances with my father, both sad.  I knew I had to say something, so I
turned around and stopped them.

   "Mom, Dad, I know we have a lot to talk about, but now isn't the time or
the place.  Can we wait until we get where we're going so we can have a
real talk?"

  "Sure, Brian.  We have some things to talk about, too."  Dad once again
met my eyes, and this time held my gaze.  His had more lines than I
remember, especially around his eyes.  He was in pain of some sort.  I
could easily see it in his expression.  An uneasy silence settled over us
as we continued our trek to the baggage claim.

  Mom and Dad's bags were the first off the conveyor.  We grabbed them and
headed downstairs to the pedestrian tunnel.  Nobody said a word as we
walked, but I could sense them exchanging glances behind me as we made our
way.  I didn't know what to say to them though.  I wasn't exactly sure how
I felt about them, now they were here.  I was afraid to ask them what they
thought about me.  We boarded the elevator and took it to the fourth floor,
where Danny awaited us with the car.  He suggested I meet the 'rents at the
gate alone, for what purpose I can't imagine.  Rather than fight him, I
agreed.

  He opened the trunk as soon as he saw us step off the elevator, then came
toward us.  "Hello, Ben."

  "Hi, Danny," said my dad as they shook hands.  "He looks great.  Thanks
for taking care of him."

  "Did you tell him that?"  The question surprised both me and Dad.  Dad
frowned and shook his head.  "Well, why not?"  Dad looked at me again, an
anxious, almost panicked look in his eye.  He dropped his gaze to the floor
and shook his head slightly.  "You have to start somewhere, Ben."  Dad
nodded, eyes still down.  I don't know why, but his lack of any greeting
angered me.  I think I hid it well though.

  Mom moved up and embraced Danny, kissing him on the cheek.  "How have you
been?"

  "Good.  How was the flight?"

  "Oh, not bad...."  The conversation continued on as they loaded their
luggage and got into the car, Danny and Dad in the front, me and Mom in the
back.  They tried several times to include me in the conversation on the
way back, but I kept to my one-word responses.  I needed this time to
figure out what I was going to say to them.

  The remainder of the drive went fine, until we hit the junction of 405
and 26.  She had been watching me since my last monosyllable answer, and I
had managed to ignore her so far.  Her gaze had grown more intense as the
miles passed.  Finally, it was too much for her to handle.

  "Brian, why won't you talk to us?  Do you hate us that much?"

   I spoke reflexively, without thinking.  "Yes!"  I could immediately see
that I hurt her, and Dad had tensed up.  "No.  I don't know.  Can we please
wait?  I don't want to do this in the car.  I'm sorry.  I want to be able
to talk to you face to face.  Both of you.  I want to be able to see your
faces when I say what I have to say."  My words did little to relieve their
angst, but dammit, I wasn't ready!  They'd just have to wait!

  I took a deep breath, leaned back in the seat, and closed my eyes.
Gently releasing that breath, I tried to calm myself, to stay away from
that hatred that comes so easily to me.  I couldn't afford anger anymore.
That time was past.

  Whether or not they thought my request reasonable, they honored it.  We
pulled up to Pete's farmhouse about a half hour later.  There were two cars
in the driveway, one Kevin's, and the other I didn't recognize.  Danny and
I helped to unload the luggage and took it inside, where Pete, Kevin, and a
man in a suit were waiting.  The introductions went quickly, the suit being
introduced as Mr. Taylor, Pete's trustee.

  "Everything should meet your expectations.  Rent, of course, is being
graciously waved by Mr.  Patterson.  Should you need anything, please call
this number at any time."  He handed Dad a card.  "If you should wish to
make this a permanent arrangement, please contact me.  I will be more than
happy to assist you in any way I can."

  "Thank you Mr. Taylor," Pete said, "I think we can handle it from here,
right Kevin?"

  "Yup. I think we've got it.  Thanks for coming out on such short notice."

  "It was the least I could do."  Kevin showed the suit out, and came back
to the living room.

  "Well, folks, let's get comfortable.  Boys, will you take their bags
upstairs, please?"

  "Sure."  I thought I saw my dad wince slightly, but I wasn't sure.  Maybe
just seeing me and Pete together was disconcerting for him.

  Pete and I lugged the load upstairs and deposited it in the master
bedroom.  "Brian, are you doing okay?  You look like you ate something that
doesn't agree with you."

  "I'm scared, Pete.  I'm scared and I feel alone.  Danny told me he's not
going to help me stay if they say no.  You have been so wrapped up in
what's going on in your life that we haven't any time for each other, with
the name change and the adoption and things."  He started to protest.  "I
don't blame you, Pete, it's just the way things come out.  What am I
suppose to do?  Whine and cry that you're ignoring me when the most
important events of your life are occurring?  Heh.  Yeah.  It's just... our
lives are kind of drifting apart.  I'm not sure they were even together
after that morning."

  "Brian, how can you say that?  We are more together now than we ever have
been.  I feel so close to you.  I love you."

  "I love you too, but I don't feel that close to you.  Not that I don't
want to be close to you.  It's just our lives that are making it
practically..."

   "Boys!  What's taking so long?"

   "...impossible to get to know each other.  To develop that closeness I
want.  But all of that may not mean anything after tonight."

  "Brian..."

  "BOYS!"

   "Coming!  Bri..."  Pete pause for a second, looking for the right words
to encourage me.

   "You don't have to say it.  It'll turn out the way it's going to turn
out.  We just have to wait."

   "Why are you so fatalistic?"

   "I learned something in the last few days.  I am not in control of my
life.  They are.  I have no choice but to do as they say."  I walked out of
the room and downstairs.  Pete hesitated, and then followed, a little
behind me.

   "What were you two doing up there?" How could Kevin ask such a loaded
question in front of my parents when he knew they were having a problem
with my sexuality.

  Pete saved me from answering.  "We were just talking.  I had a few things
I needed to tell Brian."

   "Uh huh.  You, Danny, and I are going to take off for awhile, and let
Brian talk to his parents."  He turned to me.  "You have my pager number,
right?  Call me when you are ready for dinner or need something."

   "Okay.  Thanks, Kevin."  He, Pete, and Danny headed toward the door.

  Mom spoke up before they could leave.  "Pete, thank you so much for
letting us stay here.  You have grown into a young man, it seems."

  With pointed words, he responded, "I'm not the only one who has grown.
And you're certainly welcome.  See you tonight."  He nodded to me, "Bri."
That's all he said but I could read what was behind it- silent support and
love.

  They closed the door behind them, and I was alone with my parents for the
first time since Dad gave me Pete's letters.

  I sat in the recliner next to the couch, where they sat.  I knew that if
I waited much longer, I would chicken out, so I just started talking.

   "Mom, Dad, you know as well as I do what happened in the past.  There's
no need to go back and relive it.  I know you did what you thought best for
me.  But I've been dwelling on it for the last three years.  It hasn't
changed anything.

   "The past is done.  Finished.  I don't want to talk about it any more.
It's time to move on in all our lives.  But there may be a problem with
that.  You see, despite what you think, feel, or wish, I am gay.  That is
an unalterable fact.  Nothing you did or didn't do made me this way.  I was
born this way.  You had no control over it, so there should be no guilt.
I'm sorry, though, that me being who I am makes you uncomfortable.  I can't
change it, but I am sorry for it.

   "Pete and I want a chance to be together as a couple."  I saw a slight
jerk in Dad's shoulders.  Mom nodded ever so slightly.  "He and I love each
other.  We want to live close to each other.  We want to spend time
together.  We aren't any different than any other teenagers out there.  The
only thing that makes it different is what you feel about me being gay, and
me dating another boy."  I took a deep breath and let it out as a sigh.

   "You are my parents, and you have rights and responsibilities as my
parents.  I have taken away those rights away from you.  Until today."  My
parents looked at one another, an unreadable expression on their faces.
When they turned back to me, I had their undivided attention, if I didn't
have it before.  "Starting today, I'm giving myself over to you again.
I'll try to be good, and not argue.  I'll try to control my temper.

   "There is just one thing, though.  I want to be with Pete.  Only you two
can let that happen, and only you two can prevent it.  I will abide by your
decision.  I can't tell you how much he means to me.  I think you can see
that since we are still together after all this time and after all that has
happened.  Pete means more to me than anything in the world.

   "I really hope that you can live with me being gay.  If you can't,
then...  I can't help you.  Just don't think you can beat it out of me or
change me.  It won't happen, and I'll hate you for it.

   "That's it, I'm done.  I've said what I wanted to say.  I'll give you
some time alone."  I walked outside under the overcast skies, wandering
aimlessly, but never straying far from the front door, waiting for them to
call me back in.  I was grateful that Kevin had emphasized his pager.  If
things get ugly, I was supposed to call him, and he would deal with it from
there.

  The door opened, and Dad motioned me back toward the house.  "Come back
in, son."  He called me son.  Maybe that was good news!  Maybe they did
want me to be happy!  Or maybe I was reading into it too much.

  Once inside, I took my place in the recliner again, and waited for one of
them to speak.  Dad spoke first.

   "Brian, I have been dreading this conversation for the last three years,
since we got Pete's first letter."  He must have seen my expression change.
"Now wait a minute, hear me out.  On the way up here, your mom and I talked
a lot about the situation.  You are right about us being uncomfortable with
you being gay.  We had hoped it would go away when you and Pete were
separated.  We ignored it since you didn't bring it up again.  And since
you were doing so well in school...  well, we were happy that you had found
other interests to fill your time.  But we weren't- aren't- happy as a
family.

  Something is missing in our life, and in our family.  You.  In spite of
our best intentions, we did something unconscionable.  We took away the joy
of your childhood with our selfish acts, because we were afraid of what you
being gay might mean for us.  We tried to force you to be the child we
wanted, not the child you were destined to be.  If there is anything as
wrong as what we did, short of physical abuse, I want to know what it is.
Brian, son, we are so sorry that we did this too you.  You didn't deserve
it.  All we can do is beg your forgiveness."  He turned to Mom Was that a
tear I saw in his eye?

   "Baby," Mom began, "everything he said goes for me too.  I was thinking
only of myself.  You being gay is something we have to get used to.  We
didn't do a very good job last time.  This time will be different.  We
can't live without you any longer.  We need you in the family, where you
belong.  And we want you to be happy."

  Dad spoke again.  "If Pete is the key to your happiness, then we will
welcome Pete into our family with open arms.  It's going to take a while
getting used to you and Pete being together in a romantic way, and seeing
you two kiss, hold hands, and make out may make us uncomfortable.
Honestly, we may never get over it.  Time will tell.  But we will not
reject either of you because your happiness makes us uncomfortable.  You
are going to be an adult soon.  It's time we treated you as one.  And we
will as long as you act as an adult."

  I was still taking this all in, trying to process what they had said,
almost not believing my ears.

"What about the possibility of me living up here or Pete living down
there?"

  They looked at each other, and Mom said, "We can't answer that yet.  We
have to see what happens.  Brian, we'll do what we can to see you and Pete
have time together, no matter what."

  Dad looked like he was ready to crack at any moment.  "Brian, I am so
sorry.  So very, very sorry."  Tears filled his eyes, and began cascading
down his cheeks.  His gaze penetrated me to the soul.  "Forgive me, son.
Please forgive me..."

  I couldn't stand it anymore.  I shot over to him and wrapped him up in my
arms, weeping along with him.  The sobs tore through both of us as we cried
tears of pain, tears of regret, tears of loss, tears of grief.  I could
feel Mom put her arms around us both, as she added her sorrow to ours.  Her
tears soaked my shirt, as her embrace grew tighter.  Dad's arms tightened
as the paroxysms over took us, like he was afraid to let go of me, like I
was a dream he didn't want to lose.

  Somehow, between all the choking sobs, I managed to get out these words:
"I love you, Dad."

   "I love you too, son."  Our tears began anew, if they ever stopped. I
thought I heard him gasp, "Thank you, God," in between breaths, but
couldn't tell because of my own sobs.

  I released Dad and engulfed my mother in a bear hug, tears still falling.
I tried to form the words with my mouth, but I was crying so hard they
wouldn't come out.  Mom responded by releasing me, running her hand down my
cheek, and saying through her own tears, "Shhhh.  I know, baby.  You don't
have to say it.  I know."  We collapsed into a three-way hug, trying to get
as close to one another as we could.  How long we sat there weeping in each
other's arms, I don't know, but it was a huge relief for all of us, for all
the pent up emotions we had swallowed over the last three years.  I didn't
want to let go of them.  I did all I could to stay in their warm,
protective embrace.  My tears wouldn't stop.  I kept crying and crying.

  Dad held me like a child, sitting on his lap with my head buried in his
shoulder, and my arms around his neck.  He would rock me every now and
then, stroking my hair, saying, "It's going to be okay, son.  Shhhh.
Everything is okay now.  I have you," like he did when I was little and had
skinned my knee.  I could feel his tears falling in my hair as I droned on
and on, unable to stop the tears or sobs.

  I heard Mom in the background, asking Dad, "What do we do? It's been over
an hour."

  He rocked me again and said, "Let him cry, hon, let him cry.  It's okay,
Brian.  Let it all out.  You're safe now.  I have you.  I'm not going to
let go."  That became his mantra until I finally cried myself out another
half hour later, Dad holding me tightly the whole time.

  As soon as I quieted, I made a mad dash for the bathroom and puked my
guts out until all that was left was the bitter bile.  Still I heaved, but
only for a couple moments.  When I had finally regained some composure, I
found myself on all fours with my head resting on the side of the toilet
bowl.  I reached over to the sink to try to stand, but everything in my
body shook so badly that I couldn't make it.

   "Do you need help, baby?"

   "No, Mom.  Give me a few minutes, and I'll be okay."

   "Are you sure?"  Another dry heave struck.  Afterward, I just nodded my
head.  "We're right outside if you need anything."  She closed the door
behind her, giving me some privacy.  I managed to get myself to a kneeling
position in front of the sink, within reach of the washcloth and towels,
anyway.  I turned on the water full cold, and bathed my face in it several
times, and just rested for a few more minutes before trying to stand again.
I was still shaky, but I managed to get on my feet.  I flushed the toilet,
washed my face one more time, and then went out to the living room.  Mom
saw me walk out.

   "Feeling better?"  She ran her hand over my forehead and around my cheek
again, concern lining her face.

   "Much."  My voice was hoarse still and I had a nasty taste in my mouth.
I went into the kitchen to see what they had to drink.  I grabbed the
orange juice out of the refrigerator and poured myself a big glass, downing
it almost as fast as I had poured it.  I cleared my throat a few times, but
it didn't help much.

  Dad came into the kitchen, heading straight to the refrigerator. He must
have had the same idea I had.  As he walked in, he looked at me.  I gave
him a shy smile.  As much as I had embarrassed myself, it was all I could
manage.  He smiled back, clapped his hand on my shoulder, and squeezed.

  I looked at the clock.  Almost three hours had passed since Pete, Kevin,
and Danny left.  Geez, could I lose track of time or what.

  In a rocky voice, I asked, "Are you ready to eat dinner?  I'll page Kevin
if you are."  At their nods, I dialed his pager and put in my code.  Less
than a minute later, the phone rang.

   "Hello?"

   "How did things go?"

  "Fine.  I'll tell you guys about it later.  We're hungry over here."

  He chuckled, "Okay. We were on our way over anyway.  See you in a few."

   "Bye."  I hung up the phone.  "They'll be here in a few minutes."

   "Where are we going?"

   "Pete's house.  They're probably grilling hamburgers and stuff.
Besides, you get to meet Pete's family.  They're great people."

   "I'd like to sit down and talk with Pete, too," Dad continued.

   "We both would."

  Me too, I thought. "You'll get your chance.  You should talk to Kevin and
Sharon too.  After all, they are Pete's mom and dad.

   "I thought he was emancipated."

   "He is, but he's taking their name and they're adopting him.  I don't
know all the details.  I wasn't included in that discussion."  Did a hint
of resentment escape?  I hope not.  I didn't need them thinking that Pete
and I were in trouble, because we weren't.  Were we?

  The car drove up and the horn honked.  We gathered up what we needed and
locked the door behind us.  I turned around and was surprised to see Pete
behind the wheel, with Kevin sitting next to him.  It kind of threw me at
first, but then I couldn't resist the chance to ping on Pete a little bit.
I grabbed my dad's shoulder and started to direct them to Danny's rental
car he had left here, making a cross with my fingers and hissing at Pete.
Try as I might, I couldn't keep a straight face.  A grin spread across my
face as I saw Pete and Kevin laugh at my antics.

  Apparently Danny had stayed at the house to help Sharon with the
barbeque.  I got in the car from the drivers side and squeezed Pete's
shoulder as I sat.  He smiled, sensing that everything had gone smoothly,
if not in our favor.

  In spite of his lack of experience, Pete was a competent driver.  That
is, we made it to the house in one piece.  He parked the car in the
driveway neatly, and we abandoned Pete in the car like rats on a sinking
ship.

  Once inside, Pete practically ripped me off of my feet and into the
garage.

   "What'd they say?"  His excitement was palpable.  He looked like a
little kid getting a present.

   "They said they accept I am gay, but they're nervous about it.  They
accept the fact that you are part of my life, but they are nervous about us
showing affection in front of them.  They don't know what is going to
happen with the job search and everything, so they couldn't answer if I can
stay with you."

  He pouted a bit.  He looked so cute when he did that.  "Two out of
three's not bad.  Are you reconciled to them, then?"

   "I hope so.  The past is the past.  We need to move forward from here."

   "How do you feel?"

   "After crying like a baby for almost two hours, and then puking up my
shoes, I feel surprisingly well."

  His face showed sympathy for me.  Putting his arms around my neck, he put
his forehead against mine, looking into my soul.  He closed his eyes, and
moved us into a deep kiss.  The door opened a few seconds later.

  My dad's shock was evident as he stared at us. We had broken our kiss,
but not our embrace.  The seconds passed at glacial speed.  The silence was
deafening.  What seemed like five years later, the beginnings of a smile
crept across Dad's face.

   "I'm sorry about that, boys.  It's going to take awhile for me to
adjust."  He stepped out toward us, and hugged us both to him.  "Please
give me some time. Okay?"

   "It's okay, Mr. Kellam."

   "Yeah, Dad.  It's fine."

   "Thank you.  I came to tell you dinner is ready."  He released us and
stepped into the house.  I took the opportunity to give Pete a peck on the
lips, and smiled just for him.  He returned my smile and pulled our
foreheads together again.

   "I could stay here forever... if I didn't have a stomach.  I'm
starving!"

   "Me too.  Let's eat."

  I led him into the kitchen where everyone else had just about finished
building their masterpieces.  Pete and I dug in and filled our plates.  My
parents' eyes grew wide as I piled on potato salad and pasta salad,
veggies, chips, and a burger stacked with everything you can think of.  I
just grinned at them and said, "I'm hungry."  They looked at Pete's plate,
nearly identical to my own, and shook their heads in amusement.

  Dinner conversation was lively with Mom and Dad getting to know Kevin and
Sharon.  They seemed to be hitting it off well enough.  Danny was sitting
with them, but seemed to be unusually quiet.  Pete was watching them
closely and trying to look like he was ignoring them.  Of course, he failed
miserably.

   "Why don't you just stare at them?"

  He grinned sheepishly.  "Sorry.  I was trying to figure out what they
think of each other.  You realize that your parents are interviewing your
potential guardians?"

   "Wow.  It didn't even cross my mind.  You're right."  I watched them for
a moment.  Kevin was speaking, sharing something humorous.  Much to my
surprise, Dad let out a huge belly laugh that brought tears to his eyes!  I
couldn't remember my dad ever laughing like that.  It was so funny watching
him crack up that I couldn't help but grin myself.  Pete also had a grin on
his face.  He put his hand over mine and squeezed.  "Looks like they're
getting along well.  Hope it stays like that."

   "Me too, babe.  Do you think Kevin and Sharon realize this is an
interview?"

   "They aren't stupid, Bri.  They know.  But I don't see them acting like
they are trying to impress them.  They're being normal."

   "Hmm."  I stuffed my mouth with a bite of potato salad and continued
watching them.  A few minutes later, my mom caught Pete and I watching, and
she smiled at us.  As the other adults noticed her, they too looked over to
us, each with a different expression.  Kevin had an amused look, as did
Sharon, but her look was more measuring.  Dad wore a smile that didn't
quite reach his eyes.  Mom still had that smile, the one I grew up with,
the smile I associated with her love for me.  Danny's expression was hard
to read.  His face was blank, but his eyes were narrowed just a bit.  He
took in a breath, shook his head slightly and let it out in a sigh.

  Pete and I glanced to one another and blushed appropriately.  The
"adults" all laughed loudly at our embarrassment.  That is, all of them
except Danny.  He just grinned weakly and returned to his nearly untouched
plate.

   "Pete," I whispered. "Look at Danny.  What do you think is bugging him?"

  Pete took a few seconds and watched Danny push food around his plate.  "I
don't know.  He seems really depressed.  Did anything happen on the way
back from the airport?"

   "Nothing.  I kinda told off Mom and Dad.  I asked them to hold their
questions until we got to the house.  Danny didn't say anything to me.
He's been kind of distant."

  Pete was quiet for a moment.  "I'll ask Sharon about it tonight.  Maybe
she has an idea."

   "Think that's a good idea?"

   "Yeah.  I want to know what's going on with him.  It may be important to
our staying together."

  Dinner continued.  Pete and I finished what was on our plates and
refilled them.  Danny came in to deposit his plate on the counter while we
were in there, saying nothing as he retreated to the living room.  I was
becoming distinctly uncomfortable with Danny's behavior toward us.  It was
like we didn't really exist to him.

  I made the decision.  We needed to talk.  "Pete, I'm going to talk to
Danny.  Would you wait in here?"

   "Why?  I want to know what's going on too."

   "I need to do this alone."  He looked deep into my eyes, looking for I
know not what. He nodded a few seconds later.

   "Okay, Bri."  He wrapped me with his arms and kissed me lightly on the
lips.  "Good luck."

   "Thanks, Pete."

  Gathering my courage, I walked in the living room and stopped at Danny's
side.  "We need to talk, Danny."

   "About what?"  His voice was cold.  I thought I could detect a hint of
anger.

   "Alone."  I was dead serious, and my face reflected that.  I could see
the other "adults" glancing at one another in my peripheral vision.

  Danny glowered at me.  "Fine," he said with a note of finality.  He
stood, waiting for me to pick the place.

   "Kevin, can we use your office?"  My eyes never left Danny's.

   "Uh, yeah.  Sure."

   "Thank you."  I turned my back on Danny and climbed the stairs.  We
entered the office, and I shut the door behind us.

   "What do you want?"  He was definitely exasperated.

   "What the hell is going on with you?  You haven't been yourself the last
couple days, and now you act like you hate me.  Why?  What did I do to make
you hate me?"

   "Look, kid.  You are one of the most selfish people I know.  All you
think about is how you feel, whether or not you get to make the decisions,
whether or not you are happy.  What about the rest of us?"  He was
seriously pissed, red in the face, brows drawn, and glaring daggers.  "How
do you think it makes your parents feel, huh?  That you want to abandon
them and live up here with your boyfriend?  That you want to live almost a
thousand miles from them?  What about your sister?  She had a brother at
one time, even if you two didn't get along.  She missed you, and still
does.  What about Chris?  You are his best friend.  He misses you, too."
His tirade caught me completely off guard.  I gawked at him, unable to
believe he was saying these things.

   "You are so wrapped up in your own little world that it doesn't even
cross your mind how your wants and your decisions impact other people who
love you.  Are you so sex-starved that nobody else matters in your life
except the person giving you head?  Huh?  Do you get it?  You have a lot of
growing up to do, kid.  A lot."

   "What Pete and I do together isn't relevant here, and it's none of your
business anyway.  Leave Pete out of this.  I'm not the only one who thinks
of no one but themselves.  My parents did that for three years.  They
weren't taking care of me, so I took care of myself.  I had a right to feel
the way I did."

   "Yeah.  You had that right, up until the point someone did care for you.
Do you have any idea how much sacrifice that took?  The lost wages?  The
loss of freedom?  The emotional turmoil?  You didn't even know that the
people who took care of you had their own ordeals to go through."  His body
was rigid, veins standing out on his neck.

   "What do you mean?  Kathlene never missed a day of work for me.  She
bought some food so I could eat with them.  I never got in the way of her
social life, either."

   "Kathlene doesn't have a social life to get in the way of.  She just
takes care of her kids, and you.  Or she did, for a while.  Did you ever
think that she might consider you as one of her sons?"

   "No, I never did.  She has always been Chris's mother.  Chris has always
been a friend, and later, a very good friend.  She thought of me as Mom and
Dad's son.  Nothing more."

   "How do you know that?  Did you ever ask us?  Huh?  Did you ever ask us
how we feel about you, Brian?"

   "Us?  Danny, this isn't about Kathlene, this is about you.  What are you
afraid of?  Why are you so angry?"

  Tears formed in his eyes.  He spoke through gritted teeth.  "How would
you feel if the only important person in your life suddenly determined he
no longer needs you?  That he's going to leave you alone?  That he no
longer loves you?"  Tears were falling freely down his face, a pleading
expression replacing anger.  "I don't hate you.  Brian, you are like a son
to me, you know that.  I don't want to lose you.  I can't handle that."  He
gestured to himself disgustedly.  "You can see that now.  I'm a mess."  He
rubbed the tears out of his eyes irritably, to no avail.

   "Danny..."

   "Brian, if I lose you, I don't know what I'd do."

   "Danny, don't...."

   "I couldn't live if I lost you."

   "Danny stop!  You're scaring me."

   "Oh, Brian. I don't mean to scare you.  I just care so much about you.
Maybe too much."  He sat on a chair in front of Kevin's desk, turning his
back to me, facing away.

   "You're not going to lose me.  I love you, you know I do.  But my life
is changing, for the better, I hope.  If those changes lead me here, then
I'll stay here.  If not, then I go home.  What ever happens, you wont lose
me. Okay? I would hope you'd be happy for me."

   He sniffled.  "I am happy for both of you, but you just don't
understand."

    I stormed over to where he was sitting and got in his face,
furious. "The hell I don't!  You think these last three years were an
illusion or a dream?  That I just decided to lose my mind for the hell of
it?  I know what it is to have someone you love ripped away from you.
Don't you fucking tell me I don't understand!"  I was yelling at the top of
my lungs.  It took me a moment to gather myself again.  Danny just looked
at me, pain engraved on his face.  "Danny, you'll get through this.  We
both will."  I placed my hand on his shoulder and squeezed.  "I love you.
You have done so much for me.  You've been a friend when I really needed
one, and a father when I needed one, even if I thought I didn't."  He
grinned slightly, but the pain was still in his eyes. I knelt in front of
him. "And I'm not the only person that loves you either.  Mom and Dad do,
Pete does.  Don't you see? You're part of our family.  I love you, and
nothing is going to change that.  Ever."

  I hugged him, resting my head on his chest.  He hesitated a few seconds,
then embraced me as well.  Soon, I felt him move forward to squeeze
tighter, followed shortly by his tears falling into my hair.  He wept
quietly for a few moments before releasing me.  He looked closely at me,
like he was memorizing my face.  He ruffled my hair as he broke out into a
small smile.  "You are an incredible kid, you know that?  We should
probably go downstairs and reassure everyone we are still alive."

  He stood, and I gave him another good squeeze, reinforcing what I had
told him.  Danny opened the door and we took the stairs together.  His
smile was still in place as we descended, causing a palpable sense of
relief from everyone.  Jason, Ray, and Joanne, who had arrived during our
argument, watched us come down, questions on their faces.

    Pete rose and met us at the bottom of the staircase, looking between me
and Danny, trying to read the outcome of our conversation.  Danny hesitated
a fraction of a second and engulfed him in a bear hug, whispering into his
ear for a few seconds before releasing him.  Danny moved to sit in the seat
he had vacated, but Kevin stopped him.

   "Why don't we elderly people go up to the office and get the serious
conversations out of the way.  Then we can spend a pleasant evening in each
others company."  They all followed Kevin up the stairs and into the
office, leaving us young'uns alone.

    Seeing the excitement was over, Jason, Ray, and Joanne hightailed it
into the kitchen to scarf down their portion of the food.  Pete and I sat
on the loveseat.  I told him about my conversation with Danny.  Jason
returned from the kitchen and sat on the couch next to us, listening in.  I
could hear Ray and Joanne arguing playfully over something in the kitchen.

    I recited the whole encounter as I remembered it, and then waited for
Jason and Pete's reaction.  Jason continued eating, pondering what I said.
Pete held my hand, also silent.

    Jason spoke a few minutes later.  "I don't think I ever considered how
the parental instincts affect a gay man."

   "What do you mean, gay man."

   "Brian, I can tell.  It's not a big deal.  You know it as well as I do.
I guess I kind of thought that being gay put the parental instinct on hold
or something.  It just never occurred to me that it could be as strong in a
gay man as in a straight man.  But I can see that's not true now."

   "You're right, Jason," Pete said, "I would like to have kids someday,
but I realize that may not be possible."  I glanced at him, not having
known this.  "Well, I do."

   "I do too."

   "Anyway," Jason interrupted, "It sounds like Danny may have become too
attached to you, Brian.  It can and does happen with foster parents.  I
read up on it when Ray's custody and adoption came into question.  I wanted
to make sure we had legal ground to stand on, and making sure we weren't
obsessing on Ray."

    Pete wore a puzzled look. "I thought you wanted to be a shrink."

   "I do, but the law is looking more and more interesting every day.  I
want to help kids be happy, to be in the best place for them.  Maybe I'll
do both."  He shrugged.

   "Tall order, bro."

  "I'm a big boy.  It won't be easy, to say the least, but it's doable."

   I asked him if he was going to follow in daddy's footsteps.  He just
laughed and told me time would tell.

  The "adults" came down about seven-thirty, all with smiles on their face.
I took that as a good sign.  We all sat in the living room, we kids on the
floor.  Joanne insisted we play a game with her, so we agreed on Fish and
Old Maid.  There was a comfortable air about us, a feeling of family and
contentment.  I had missed that feeling for so long, I soaked it all in.
Even the uncertainty of my being with Pete couldn't spoil my good mood.

  Pete lay next to me on the floor, shoulder to shoulder.  Mom and Dad
smiled when they looked at me and Pete.  Dad decided to glance toward us as
I was about to give Pete a quick peck on the cheek.  I stopped just on the
verge of kissing him.  Dad smiled and nodded his head toward Pete, giving
his approval.  I smiled back at him, and than gave Pete that kiss.

  A few short hours later, Pete and I retired to his bedroom.  It didn't
seem to phase Mom and Dad when we said our good nights.  They didn't even
bring the issue of my staying with them tonight.

  As we undressed, we spoke of small things, items of no importance.  The
heavy emotional burden of the day had exhausted me.  We climbed into the
bed.  Pete spooned me as soon as we were settled, his body heat penetrating
me like a soothing balm, relaxing me, easing away all the tension I was
carrying.  And just when I was ready to nod off, Pete reached for me.

  Yeah, all things considered, that was the happiest night I remember
having in the longest time.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

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