Date: Tue, 15 Nov 2005 07:51:57 -0500
From: JJ <hottdogg88@gmail.com>
Subject: Gramps 02

Sunday
Josh called me this evening, I was so happy I could hardly talk to him.
I had been trying to call him and didn't get an answer.  Needless to say
I was worried something had happen to him.  My mind imagined his parents
had taken his phone since they had grounded him from the Internet the day
before.  I was so afraid he had hurt himself.  When he gets depressed he
takes a knife and cuts himself.  He says that helps him handle his
distress about his life.  Now you know why I was so happy when he
called.

He told me he was having a really bad day that had started in church this
morning.  He said they kept asking him questions about his salvation over
and over.  He told me on top of that he was really having a hard time
dealing with breaking off as my boy friend Friday night.  I told him he
now has an idea what I am going through.  The difference is I do a lot of
crying and he tries to punish himself by doing something to physically
hurl himself, like cutting his body with a knife.

 Anyone that has gone through this age of confusion can relate to
hypocrites shooting questions at you as thought you are going to hell.
Josh said he was so upset he just wanted to go home to get his knife.
Thank God, when he got out of church he went to do his volunteer work at
the nursing home.  He had promised me last night when we talked he would
call me from the nursing home because he knows I am in love with him and
am so worried he will hurt himself.  He had not been able to call me as
promised because he forgot his cell phone.  He couldn't get on the
Internet with me because it was down at the nursing home.  I had
him promise to get on the Internet when he got home if his parents
permitted, so we could chat.  I got a promise from him that if he
couldn't get on the net to call after his parents went to bed.  We
usually talk two to three hours.  As I write this I am waiting to see if
he can get on the net.

Josh was able to get on the Internet tonight, being the awesome boy he
is, he made me really happy again.  He ask me if he could be my boy
friend again because he was feeling more depressed than he ever had in
his life.  He told me he was stupid for "throwing me away", because he
realized he must be in love with me.  He said he couldn't sleep, couldn't
get me off his mind and walked around in a daze.  I told him, "now you
know what I have been going through".

I tried to explain to him that I had never left, I loved him, would
always be there for him no matter what he thought he had to do.  He was
in my heart to stay forever.

We chatted on line for an hour or so, then he said he would make our
nightly late night phone call.  I have heard of pity sex, but not sure
what it meant.  I think I experienced it with that phone call.  We have
never been together for sex because we are so far apart.  The phone sex
was so intense and satisfying after the short breakup, it was almost like
being in each others arms.  I slept like a baby for the first time in
three nights.

Josh asked me tonight, "what is the age of confusion?".  I tried to
explain to him, generally it is the teen years where so many changes are
taking place in a short period of time.  Josh, I think you will
understand if you step back and look at our confused lives.
Most people are able to sort things out and move on, but a lot of people
are confused all of their life, some commit suicide, some end up in
therapy.
Then Josh ask me a question I knew was coming, " Is it OK with you if I
date girls?" After a pause, he asked "Is it OK if I kiss them?'.  I
thought to myself, "what the fuck am I going to say?".  Where did I hear
that question before, oh my god, that is exactly what was ask of Gramps
by his lover. (Back then you didn't refer to someone as a boyfriend) I
love this boy more than my own life and would never ever interfere in his
pursuit of happiness.  I decided to let my mind over rule my heart. I
told him my love for him was never ending no matter what happened.  It
was OK with me for him to date girls, you need to explore all aspects of
life to find your happiness.  But the main thing to remember if you don't
follow your heart, it will be an unhappy life.  I will ask Gramps what I
should have said or if I said the right thing.

 By hearing Gramps story, I have to wonder how our lives will proceed
from here.

Now I can go on with Gramps story with hope that my first love turns out
better than his.  Since my grammar is not very good, Josh has agreed to
edit the chapters for me. You have to know him to see why I love him so
much.  I hope my personal thoughts won't upset him, I thought about
cutting them out, pasting them in after he edits for me.  I guess I will
leave them in and hope he don't let it influence him.

Gramps 02

Gramps joined the service at eighteen in 1955 to escape the pain and
agony in his heart.  He was put on a plane for the first time in his
life, although he was in awe at his first plane ride, he knew his life
would never be the same again.

The plane had a layover in New Orleans for a few hours.  Gramps had never
seen anything to compare with what he saw.  It was Mardigras week, if he
hadn't seen it with his own eyes he would never have believed such things
went on.

He arrived at boot camp, not caring what was in store for him.  Nothing
could be as bad as the pain and agony he was going through.

 Gramps recalled being in line for all the shots they give you in both
arms at the same time.  He said guys were passing out all around him, he
didn't care if he dropped dead, he just kept on moving stepping over the
passed out guys.

Being a farm boy and having to work hard all his young life, this was
like a vacation to him.

 There was a lot of verbal abuse (that's putting it mildly) from the
instructors, I think they thought they were god.  In fact some of them
made the comment to that fact.

There were 42 guys on his floor in the barracks.  Liking boys he had to
be real careful no one saw or even thought he was checking out all the
hot boys.  His bunk buddy (Joe) had the top bunk, Gramps really liked him
and to this day still remembers his name and where he was from.

Joe had a smooth hairless body except for pubes.  He said now as he looks
back, he must have been reminded of his first love, their bodies were so
much alike.  Although he saw Joe naked every day while in boot camp, he
never got to see his dick hard.

Gramps would go to the latrine (restroom) after everyone was asleep
except for the barracks guard.  The stalls had no doors, so he would sit
on the stool and jack off as he pretended to wipe his ass.  That way the
cum was quickly disposed of when the toilet flushed.  He fantasied about
his bunk buddy all through boot camp almost every night when he wasn't
too tired.

After the first four weeks Gramps said they got a four hour pass to go
into town.  Most of the guys went looking for girls.  Gramps and his bunk
buddy just went to get some good food and take in a movie.  He could
never figure out if his bunk buddy liked boys or girls, to Gramps he
showed no interest in either.  Gramps did find out though that he was
only seventeen and figured his parents must have signed for him to get in
the service.  Joe didn't want any one to know, so Gramps kept his secret.

Gramps told me the service is a lot different now than it was then. A
"queer" as homosexuals were called then, if suspected or caught of same
sex acts were put in the brig with all other criminals until dishonorably
discharged.  You can imagine what happened in the brig when it was known
a "queer" was in with them.

Gramps said he never got homesick until the last couple weeks of boot
camp.  He got to remembering his first love and wondered if he would be
able to talk to him when he went home on leave.

He said those last two weeks after lights out instead of going to jack
off, he spent most nights crying and feeling unloved and depressed.  He
would never see his bunk buddy again, but he never forgot him.  Gramps
tends to love anyone he likes and I find myself doing that at my young
age. I ask him if that was a good or bad way to be.  He said he didn't
know, but couldn't change.  He said it causes a lot of crying and you
tend to get depressed easy.

Finally boot camp was over, he had the choice of train or plane to go
home on leave.  Being a country boy and never been on a plane except to
fly to boot camp, he chose the train.

Gramps told me it took the train three days to get home.  He was lonely
and depressed.  He stood in the little passage way between train cars
looking out the open top part of the door.  He said his belt buckle
rubbed the top of the bottom door as the train bounced along.  He didn't
notice until he got home, his belt buckle had all the finish scratched
off, he had to get a new one before going back to duty.  He kept the
buckle for years to remind him of that long and lonely trip.

Gramps got home and was disappointed that his first love ignored him and
didn't want to see him.  After being gone for four months, things
change.  Friends you had before you left are either gone or now have
other friends and it was hard to find any thing in common with them any
more.  He had a two week leave and after the first week he was ready to
go back to duty.  He said it was more depressing at home and he just
wanted to get away again.

Gramp's first duty assignment was in Denver and again he found himself on
a long train trip.

Gramps was assigned to military police, he showed me his pictures in
uniform, and I have to say he really looked hot.  I had never thought of
Gramps being a hot boy, he has always been Gramps to me and easy to
confide in.

Gramps told me he was picked for the honor guard for President
Eisenhower's trip to Denver.  The President was coming for the opening
ceremonies of the Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs. He was
disappointed when the president had a heart attack and wasn't able to
make the trip.

Gramps told me when you like boys, life can be very lonely.  You know
being in the service, you can end up in the brig very quickly  if you are
even suspected of being "queer".

Gramps spent many cold nights guarding airplanes against who knows what.
The wind coming off the Rockies at night is very cold and chills you to
the bone.

One night during inspection before guard duty, the new squad commander (a
by the book type) noticed Gramp's injured hand.   He relieved Gramps of
duty and sent him to the base hospital.  In the hospital while the
doctors were trying to decide what to do with him, that can take forever
in the service, he spent many lonely nights just laying in bed, tears in
his eyes listening to the whine of the air conditioners, wondering what
in hell could happen to him next.

Finally the doctors decided to transfer Gramps to a base hospital in
Texas.  After more days of delays, he was put on a medic vac plane with
other patients and flown to Texas.  The flight was really rough, the
pilot told the attendants to keep us strapped on the gurneys we had to
lay on.  The pilot said the turbulence are always bad this time of year.
Gramps said that sure as hell didn't ease his mind until the plane was on
the ground again.

If anyone is interested the next chapter in Gramps life will be in
Texas.  It was his first experience to the real world.