Date: Sat, 31 Jan 2004 02:30:17 -0800 (PST)
From: Ray Morales <fyiord@yahoo.com>
Subject: Heartache 14

This story continues where Heartache 13 left off in the story 'Heartache'
in /High School/. This is the last chapter.

I apologize to all the readers for the long wait again. I tried to write as
much as possible in this chapter to atone for my trespass :). Thank you for
being there.

Note:

This story is fiction and is by no means depictive of the life of any
person, place or thing. It contains no penetrative sexual acts between
males YET and should only be read if it is legal to do so in your area.

Read at your own risk, okay. All names are made up and any similarities are
just dumb luck.

Heartache 14
By Fjord

I got up from the floor with my eyes cast down. My parents needed time and
I didn't want to rush them. Gosh, I needed time to think for own self. I
had never been this impulsive before. This Wednesday morning I had no
intention of opening the Pandora's Box but what Mom said made it crystal
clear to me. This was the best opportunity for me to just face the
music. My parents would understand, I thought. They just had to. Otherwise,
I had been wrong about my parents all this time. It was strange that I
didn't have the courage to tell them that I was not heterosexual but could
muster enough self belief to say that I loved Jake the same way Jake loved
me. I guessed maybe it would be easier for them to understand the word
'love' than 'gay'.

"Sit down," My Dad said firmly when he saw me get up.

I obeyed him by sitting on the single-seater sofa facing my parents. My
heart was pounding hard and I could feel my ears feeling red hot. The truth
was that I felt better after telling them that I loved Jake. I had kept
this feeling from them for about three years and the guilt that had
accumulated was getting heavier and heavier to carry every single fucking
day. This time I just dropped it all, over the proverbial cliff. I just
hoped that Mom and Dad wouldn't push me over a real cliff after that. I had
tears ready to flow if my parents rejected me but I had been crying in
silence for too long anyway. Under the tree at the park that provided me a
welcome shade from the brightness of the sun and the overwhelming truth
that I was living a lie, I had prayed for deliverance from the genetic
inheritance that I carried and found nothing but a voice inside me telling
me to just wait a little longer and things would be right once more. I did
wait and the deliverance I looked for came in the form of Jake's love that
I had never really hoped for. I wanted deliverance from the love that no
one dared to speak about and that love spoke to me instead. I couldn't run
away and I wouldn't run away, not from this love unless God took me
away. Even now, in front of my parents I wanted out from this world but it
had to be God's will. The small prayer for God to take me away from this
world that did not welcome me as I was, kept repeating in my mind like a
broken record. I knew deep in my heart that I was losing control over my
life. I was losing control over who I wanted to be and who I really was. My
mind was so messed up because of Jake. Shit, not because of Jake but
because of me. I had followed my sexual instincts whenever the opportunity
presented itself with Jake. I had sex with Jake with no thought of the
consequences. I tried to tell myself that it was natural to have sex with
the one you loved but it didn't feel right once I started thinking about
it. It didn't feel right whenever I dwelled upon it. This wasn't what I had
envisioned of my life with Jake. I never wanted to have sex as substitute
for love. I only wanted this hole inside my heart that only Jake could
fill, to be gone.  I only wanted to hold him in my arms and to be in his
embrace. Being under Jake and being fucked senseless by Jake's big dick
while I jacked myself off was in my fantasy but that wasn't what I really
wanted. The sex stuff was just the symptoms of my disease that can only be
cured by Jake's love. Love couldn't be just about sex. It couldn't
be. Otherwise, I could buy love from dark street corners that some lost boy
haunted for my fix of sex. However, I bet Jake, with his experience and
all, wouldn't bat an eyelid about having sex with me. He fucked a whole
lotta people anyway. Me, I was just simply fucking horny for Jake. Gosh, I
was having a stirring in my groin just thinking about it. I had better stop
thinking, I thought.

I looked over at them and I saw my Dad looking at me like I was a
stranger. My Mom was looking at her fingers. The sound of a few cars
driving by accentuated the heavy silence in the living room.

"Say it again, Eric." Dad said to me. Mom turned her head to gaze at
me. Suddenly, I was the center of their attention again.

"I love Jake the same way that he loves me."

"Then why did Jake say you didn't love him. You've been lying to him too."
Dad said accusingly.

"No, it wasn't like that, Dad. He knew. We both knew. He said that to
protect me, Dad." I said, paused and added, "We wanted to keep it a secret
until we've finished high school at least."

"I don't know what to say Eric..." Dad paused and looked over at Mom
helplessly.

"I told him about our thoughts about him and Jake being a couple...," Mom
said to Dad while looking at me. "Is that why you decided to tell us this
now?"

I nodded.

"We thought that it was all over when you brought Justine home to meet
us. I mean we suspected something but never really thought seriously about
it." Dad said. "How can you be so sure that you two love each other? It
could be just a phase. You two are best friends and... and... Maybe you two
like each other so much that you think it was love." My Dad was grabbing on
to any floating debris that was within reach as he floated down the river
of whatever.

"I know it, Dad. I can feel the truth of my feelings. This feels so right
for me." I said to him earnestly.

"Okay, but how could you be so sure that both of you would last..." Dad
said and it instantly made me look up. Dad met my eyes squarely. He wanted
Jake and me to last, I thought. The tiny spark of hope inside me became a
small flickering flame.

"Jake would be the only one for me, Dad. I don't think I can live without
him. I need him in my life so much and I know he needs me too." I
paused. "I hope you two would understand how I feel." Dad looked at Mom and
she just rolled her eyes upwards slightly and started to rub her temples
with her index fingers.

"How long have you two kept this a secret?" Dad asked sharply. I started
wondering why Mom was so damn quiet.

"Three years..." I said and as soon as the words emitted from my mouth I
knew I made a chronological mistake. Mom and Dad looked real mad and if I
were them I would be mad at me too. Me and my big mouth did it again.

"Three years... You've kept this from us for three years?" Mom finally
opened her mouth with a high pitched question. Clearly, she and Dad were
shocked. I had to clear up the issue fast.

"Well, yes, but we only knew that we love each other last Friday night."

"What?" My parents shouted in unison. I almost jumped out of my skin.

"Dad, Mom... I fell in love with him about three years ago but I didn't
think he would feel the same and I just kept it inside. Jake said he fell
in love with me at the same time and he also kept it from me for the same
reason. It was only last Friday night that Jake finally told me that he
loves me." I paused to let my words sink in. "He said he loves me. And I
told him that I love him too and we've been trying to hide it from you guys
ever since." I paused. "Well, until Jake broke down yesterday."

My beloved parents were struggling to take in everything that I was
saying. I could see it in their faces. In a way I was glad to see them
struggle with it.  I mean, how would any parents take it? If my parents
said, "Oh... Okay. Carry on... See ya..." I would go nuts, wouldn't anyone?
This was serious stuff. I wanted them to really understand how I feel.

"I fought this feeling all this time because I know that it would mean
that...." I almost broke down as I pushed myself to say the dirty
phrase. "I'm gay..." My Mom and Dad just stared at me. I had to look
away. I couldn't face them. It would kill me if I see any signs of disgust
in their expression.

"I'm really sorry Mom, Dad... I tried to fight it so hard... I prayed and
prayed that God would take this feeling away from me... I tried to have
girlfriends but it was all just an act... I knew what I wanted. I wanted
Jake. At first, I hated God for making me this way but then I figured He
made me this way for some reason or another... I tried telling myself that
if I deny this feeling inside me then I would be denying what God had
created... and when Jake said he loves me... I was so happy..." I wasn't
even sure my parents were listening as I droned on and on. Tiny rivers of
tears were running down my face but I didn't even bother to wipe them
away. The tears would continue flowing anyway and I might as well let it
dry up on its own. I looked at them and they were still in the same posture
of shocked parents. At least they didn't fall asleep listening to my
self-pity, I thought.

"Go on, son..." Dad said to me softly. He called me son, I thought in
hope. I began to feel cautiously more upbeat.

"After Jake told me he loves me, I couldn't hide behind any excuses
anymore... So I told him that I love him too. I wanted to tell you guys
yesterday after Jake told me that you guys knew he was gay. But then
Justine came in and then I couldn't... I wasn't as brave as I had
thought..." I said and sobbed quietly.

"Oh, Eric... come here..." My Mom opened her arms for me and I rushed into
her embrace. I just fell apart in her arms. I couldn't hold it in any
longer. Dad stroked my head gently as I held on to Mom tightly. They didn't
reject me. They still loved me.

"I am so scared..." I said to them as I sobbed. The hurt in me needed an
outlet and I had to let it go. My parents were in pain too, I knew. I
caused that pain and I would have to help heal them but right now I had to
heal myself first.

"Eric, we were just a little bit shocked, okay. Please forgive us. Don't
ever think we're going to reject you. We're both here for you... and Jake."
My Mom said as she held me tight. Dad embraced both of us and kissed the
top of my head. They still loved me and for that I thanked God.

*****

I was in my bed thinking about what happened this morning in Jake's
house. It was stupidly reckless for Jake and me to have that hot quickie in
that washroom, I thought. Anybody could have walked in. I should have said
no. Jake would definitely stop doing his sexy number on me. I was so
careless and impulsive and stupid. Luckily his parents were not up yet;
otherwise all hell would've broken loose. How could anyone explain if we
were caught red handed? But it was just so difficult to resist Jake. I felt
like a kid in a candy store when I was with Jake. I wanted every single
part of his body. His skin, I wanted to caress, and his hair, I wanted to
smell, and his lips, I wanted to kiss and his dic..."Eric! Are you awake?"
Mom's voice stopped my lusty thoughts in their tracks. I actually blushed.

"Yeah, Mom..." I answered with a false steadiness.

"Good, Jake's parents are coming over in ten minutes. Get yourself ready,
okay?"

"Okay, Mom." I said and got up. I was ready for like two hours ago. Looking
into the mirror, I saw myself looking back at me.

"Hey, good lookin'. Now, just let your Mom and Dad do the talkin' okay
until they give you the cue. Then drop da bomb..." I smiled weakly at the
lame effort to keep my spirits up. I felt so damn nervous that I felt like
staying in my room and let my parents do all the talking. But I knew that I
had to meet with Jake's parents to settle the whole issue once and for all.

*****

I was sitting on the single seater sofa with Jake's parents on the right
and my parents in front of me. Our living room was pretty neat with
everything in its place but the tension was all over, making us feel
uncomfortable. The outside light that went through the double glazed
windows brightened the living room slightly. Mom's prized white and blue
decorative vase was at the corner between the sofas that my parents and
Jake's were sitting in and my eyes were on it for whatever reason.

"Let's start..." Dad began and looked at Mr. A.

"I just want to say how sorry we are that our son Jake caused so much
trouble for your family," Mr. A said to us. His wife held his left hand,
looking at him. I itched to say something but my Mom glared at me.

"There's nothing to be sorry about. It's just one of those things that
happened." Mom replied. Mrs. A smiled gratefully at Mom.

"I still don't understand how Jake became like that..." Mr. A said.

"Like what?" I asked sarcastically. Mom's eyes became real big and I backed
down.

"A homosexual... Our son is a homo..." Mr. A stated flatly. I almost stood
up to confront him but Mom's angry gaze paralyzed my body.

"Jake is in love with Eric..." Mom said firmly as she turned her steely
gaze towards Mr. A. He couldn't meet her eyes and quickly looked
downwards. "This is Jake, your son, we're talking about. So please be civil
and refrain from using such hurtful words."

"I'm sorry..." Mr. A said apologetically, "It's just so hard for us to take
in... My wife and I talked about it last night and we don't know where we
went wrong. Maybe it's because we had him so late in life. I mean I'm
already fifty three and he's coming on eighteen..." Mr. A sure looked good
for his age, I thought. If he had dyed his grey hair at the temple areas he
would look even younger. Nobody would ever notice if a blond haired guy
dyed his hair blond. Blondes have more fun, I thought. Jake had his genes
and probably is as good looking or maybe better than by the time he reached
fifty three. I dreamt for like a few seconds before I caught myself zoning
out.

"...and he was such an independent child. He didn't ask for much but we
tried to give and guide him as much as we can... I don't know what went
wrong." Mr. A's voice trailed off and he began to sob. "I don't want him to
be what he is. I don't want to hate my own son. I don't want any of
this..." I pitied him but I also wanted to scream at him, telling him that
Jake probably didn't want it either. Fuck all, I didn't want any of this
shit to happen.

"Jim, you'd never hate Jake... I know that." Mrs. A said softly as she
caressed his hand. "You know you still love him no matter what."

"Of course I still love him, honey... He's my son... but every time I look
at him I would see a person that embodies every single thing that I
hate..." Mr. A said with such a quiet force that it caught me off guard. My
parents were shocked as well. Mrs. A let go of his hand and cupped her face
with her hands and started to sob herself.

"What is it that you hate so much?" My Dad asked. Mr. A looked at my Dad
with such sad eyes. He looked at his wife for a second before looking back
at my Dad.

"When I was seven, I was sexually abused..." Mr. A said slowly and I almost
choked as air went out of my lungs in a loud gasp. Mom's right hand went to
cover her open mouth but my Dad just left his open. "...by my own uncle. It
only stopped when someone caught him soliciting for sex at a park and they
sent him to a reform school. He was just fifteen. I never saw him again
after that. The whole family disowned him, I guess." He paused. "My own
parents never knew that I had been abused. Or may be they knew but just
didn't want to face it." Mr. A paused again as we took his words in. It was
just too much information.

"Somebody raped him at the reform school... and they said he bled to
death..." Mr. A's voice trailed off again as he sobbed. "He was only
sixteen when he died... I thought it was my fault..." Mrs. A right hand
held her husband's hand.

"I'm sorry..." My Dad said softly. Mom was crying silent tears.

"I carried it all inside me until I met Jane..." Mr. A said as he looked
lovingly at his wife. "She saved me. We went for therapy for several years
before I could accept the fact that it wasn't my fault and left it behind
me. We only had Jake much later..."

"I'm sorry, Jim... Thank you for trusting us with what you have told
us. What happened to you was... I can't even put into words how sorry and
sad I am... But please don't compare Jake with your uncle. Jake didn't do
anything wrong. He's just in love with Eric... When he kissed Eric he
thought he had died. You must understand that..." Mom said to him. I love
my Mom, I thought.

"I know this has nothing to do with what happened to me but... I just can't
get rid of this disgust and anger I felt each time I see some gay guy..."

My Dad interjected quickly, "This has nothing to do with your case,
period. I am sorry about what happened to you as a boy but you have already
dealt with it. Remember that. Now, it's time for you to deal with Jake." I
was like a fish out of water, trying to take in everything and empathize
with Jake's father and at the same time feeling really mad at his
stupidity. I understood how messed up he would have been as a kid and how
much of his past resurfaced when he found out that Jake was in a way like
his molester. I would remind him of his molester too.

"That's what I told him last night but he just wouldn't listen." Mrs. A
added dejectedly.

"I'm sorry to have to tell you all this. You are good people and we're just
lucky to be your neighbors... I'm so sorry that Jake had done what he
did... I guessed it was our fault to have moved here."

"Hold on there..." Dad said firmly. "We want to tell you that whatever
happened in the hospital happened and we're not blaming anyone that it
happened. In fact we're kind of glad it happened."

It was time for Jake's parents to be shocked. They looked at Dad as if he
was mad but waited for him to continue anyway.

"Just imagine if we never knew that Jake is gay. He would have to keep it a
secret from all of us. He'll probably carry this secret alone like you did
with yours, Jim. I'm sure you don't want that to happen to him. WE don't
want that to happen to him. Jake is your son but we feel like he's part of
our family as well. Eric is his best friend and frankly, he's not even
bothered with what had happened and who Jake is."

"That's because Eric's a special boy." I was flushed red with embarrassment
when I heard Mrs. A say that. I felt like disappearing from the room,
pronto, but then they'd find out that Special Boy was also Invisible Kid, I
mused. "He helped Jake so much that I can't even begin to thank him." Mr. A
nodded in agreement.

"Jake's special too and we love him." Mom interjected. "Please don't reject
him just because he's different from what you wanted him to be or that he
reminds you of your past. The past doesn't equal the present. You may lose
your son and no amount of therapy can remedy that."

"We know... We're not rejecting him. We still love him but it's just so
hard for us to accept. For Jim, especially. We just need some help from
your family to help us get through this, for Jake's sake." Mrs. A said and
Mr. A nodded quietly.

"I am so scared of losing him," Mr. A said sadly, "But I can't even bring
myself to look at him anymore. My wife asked me to talk to him last night
but I was so distressed that I left the house when Jake got there." Jake
must be hurting inside, I thought. I never saw anything that gave the
impression that Jake was feeling hurt inside this morning, except maybe
when Jake was sitting alone in the kitchen staring at the cold and limp
cornflakes. Come to think of it, he must have been staring at the
cornflakes for about an hour for the cornflakes to turn into the crap-like
lump. I was so focused on my own happiness that I missed the signs. 'I
should've... I could've...' sentences started to surface in my thoughts. My
parents and Jake's parents kept on talking while I listened and
listened. It took a while before the talking trickled down to short
sentences like 'I don't know what to do...', 'You're going to be fine...,
'I love him...', 'Then don't react as if you are rejecting him...' and so
on and so forth. I was past caring because I already know that Jake's
parents still loved him. They probably came to us for some moral support
and advice. I would like to help Jake understand his parents' issues
(mostly his Dad's tragic past) with him being gay. I was jolted back into
real-time when silence was taking over their conversation. I waited for
someone to begin again and then Dad restarted the dialogue.

"Jim..." My Dad said kindly, "Your past is your past. Now is the
present... Jake is living in this present time and you should too. If you
live in the past whenever you think about Jake you'll compare him with a
false reality that is your past. Be in the present... This moment in
time... The exact second you breathe... and you will see the truth." Mr. A
stared at Dad for a long time as the words seeped in.

"What is the truth?" Mr. A asked no one in particular.

"When you let go of your past... what does Jake mean to you?" My Dad
continued to push him.

As if having cobwebs removed from his eyes Jake's father said, "I love my
son and I don't want to lose him..." Jake's mother was sobbing silently
with her blond head resting on her husband's shoulder.

My Dad just nodded. Mom was dabbing her eyes again. Between Mom and Mrs. A,
the tissues were running low, probably.

We were all quiet. Not knowing what else to do, I just watched Jake's
parents. They were desperately clinging to each other as the words really
sank in. I just hoped that their love for Jake was enough to let go of
their own egos and past problems.

"Thanks...," Mr. A said softly after a several minutes. He looked up at my
Dad and smiled slightly.

"Our whole family will support your family because we love your son too..."
Dad said and looked at me. It was a precious moment for me, that I would
remember my whole life.

"Thank you. It's not going to be easy... but knowing that we love Jake is
enough strength for us... I can't wait for him to get home..." Mr. A said
as he glanced at his wife. Mrs. A was smiling a little.

"There's one more thing you two have to know... We just found out about it
this morning and it kinda caught off us guard too. Just hold on to your
seats and listen to Eric..." My Mom said quickly and Jake's parents were
looking confused to say the least as they looked at me.

Mom gave her signal. So, I just blurted my own secret out. It felt like a
Jerry Springer show without the wacky audience and Jerry himself.

"What!" Mr. A exclaimed after I said that I loved Jake too. Mrs. A just
stared at me in shock.

"Are you joking, Eric? It's not a good time..." Mrs. A said angrily.

"Calm down, both of you..." Dad said. They looked at him as if they were
now convinced Dad was the hunchback of Notredame. "Eric loves Jake
too... He's like Jake too... You know..." Dad was getting real fidgety
trying to explain things when Jake's parents finally got the whole idea.

Then Jake's parents started to stare at me. The quiet in the room was eerie
because everybody was holding their breath.

"Tell them what you have told us, Eric..." Dad came to the rescue and I
started to breathe again. So, I told them everything except the sex bits
which I was 100% sure was a question bubble on top of their heads.

"Last Friday?" Mrs. A asked me with her eyebrows raised slightly.

"Yeah..." I replied, embarrassed. "It just happened..."

"Now that you told us, everything's much clearer, especially when Jake went
crazy when he thought you died. And it may explain the sudden mood changes
that Jake seemed to be going through lately. When we came back from our
weekend getaway he was smiling from ear to ear. The next Monday afternoon
he was in his room all day and he didn't even come down for dinner..."

"We had a small fight during lunch at school." I explained. "A lovers
fight..." I added with embarrassment.

"Did he influence you in any way?" Mr. A suddenly asked. I turned red with
anger as I looked him in the eyes.

"Never... and before you ask, I didn't influence him either. In fact we've
been hiding from each other for three years if you had listened
carefully..."

"Eric... Jim has a right to know..." Dad said to me firmly.

I wanted to answer that 'Jim' can shove his right leg up his ass for all I
care but Mr. A quickly apologized to me.

"You don't have to say sorry to me but to Jake. He deserves better than
that..." I said as I tried my best to control my emotions.

"I know... I know..." Mr. A said in sadness. I felt sorry for him in a
way. Now he had two reminders of his past to live with.

"I love your son, sir..." I said softly, "...and he loves me too. We know
its going to be hard for us. Most people would hate us for being
ourselves. I read about gay people who live alone for the rest of their
lives... They also died alone... I don't want that to happen to us. That's
why we need every support that we can get. Especially from our own
parents." I looked at my parents and almost cried when I saw determination
in their eyes to love me no matter what.

"This is just too much to take..." Mrs. A said to me. "Are you sure you're
gay, Eric? Do you really love Jake or are you just trying to help him?" I
didn't know what to say to that.

"Forget I said that... Sorry, Eric, I'm just feeling a little mixed up... I
believe you Eric." Mrs. A quickly added before I even started to reply.

"Let's just take our time with this..." Mom said to everyone.

"I need a drink." Mr. A said to no one in particular.

"Me too..." I replied without thinking. Everyone was suddenly quiet and I
felt so goddam stupid. And then my Dad started laughing and Mom was
covering her mouth as she started giggling. Jake's parents joined in the
infectious laughter. I just smiled as I waited for their mild hysteria to
end. I really felt better after telling Jake's parents that I loved Jake
the same way Jake loved me.

"I'll get us some beer and cola..." Mom said as she got up still smiling.

"I'll help..." Mrs. A said and started to get up.

"No... No need. There's some more you need to hear from Eric..." Mom said
with a smile. And with that I became the center of attention again. A big
white spot light was on me and the comfortable dark blue leather sofa I was
in.

"Well?" Mrs. A said to me expectantly as I fidgeted in my seat.

"I fell in love with Jake that day when he broke your vase..." I began and
then continued telling them more of what they wanted to know. Mom came and
brought the beers and colas (I had a cola, of course) and some crackers and
we had a good time talking things through.

There were sincere hugs and kisses by the time their visit ended. Jake's
parents promised to talk to Jake when he came home from school. It was like
4.30pm when it ended. Jake's Dad hugged me tight but he didn't say
anything. I guessed he would need more time but at the moment he was trying
real hard. Jake's Mom kissed me on the cheek and ruffled my neatly combed
hair. I didn't mind, she always did that anyway when I went to their
house. She said I looked sexier with messed up hair. I bet Derek would
agree. I wondered how Derek would react when he finds out later today about
me being in the same team. I was tired out and just wanted to crash on my
bed. Before that my Dad said something that stuck to my mind to this day.

"Eric, how did you grow up so fast?" My Dad asked as he hugged me. "We are
so proud of you being our son... we love you and don't forget that till the
day you die." I went upstairs and had a good nap after that. No dreams this
time.

********

"Wake up sleepyhead..." Jake said as he shook my body awake. I heard him
before my body did.

"Jake..." I said groggily and then he kissed me, on the lips, before I
opened my eyes.

"I still love you..."

"What a surprise," I said as I awoke, looking at Jake with my sleepy brown
eyes.

"Well...?"

"Well, what?" I asked him lazily.

"Do you still love me...?"

I grinned at him.

"Oh yeah, you do... You do... Yeah you do... You do... You do..." Jake said
as he poked me repeatedly on the ribs. Jake was being dorky and it didn't
quite suit him. So I hit him on the head with my pillow. Before I knew it,
Jake was on top of me. I guessed pretty boy was mad at me... You know, mad
enough to want to kiss me on the mouth. I got a super fast hardon just
kissing him back. Boy, he was doing it rough; I almost suffocated until
Jake stopped to take a breather for himself.

"I missed you so much at school..." Jake said as he lay on top of me,
looking deep into my eyes. "Did you know I almost got killed because of
you, this morning?"

"Was it because of your breath...?" I couldn't resist goading him. Jake's
eyes flashed with anger before he sucked on my neck like a vampire. I was
squirming with delight until he stopped and looked at me again.

"Jerry almost punched me in the face when I got to school..." Jake said and
rolled off to my right side.

"Wow... why?" I asked in surprise and Jake raised his eyebrows.

"Me?" I asked again and Jake nodded.

"He thought I punched your pretty face last Monday. It seems the whole
school thought you were in the hospital because of me..."

I wanted to tell him that I suspected that some of the people in school
would think that after what Justine told me yesterday but that brought up
some issues I was not ready to deal with, yet.

"...Thank God, Derek was there to clear things up. Otherwise, Jerry would
be at the hospital right now..." Jake said and I sniggered. Jerry would be
at the hospital if they really had a fight but only as Jake's visitor and
we both knew that. Jake laughed at his self-deprecating joke.

"Hmmmm... How did Derek take it when you told him you were
non-heterosexual? Was he mad at you?" I asked. Jake bit his lower
lip. Sexy.

"No... He was surprised but he got more than I had planned for him to
get..."

"What do you mean?"

"I told him I was gay and just after my confession he said, and I quote 'My
God, you and Eric are a couple... Shit, fucking shit, I should've seen
it. It was right in front of me... You lucky bastard... You
fuck... Wow... I hate you... I'm so happy for you two... I really hate
you...' Unquote..." Jake said in a monotonous tone that I almost pissed
myself giggling. Jake got on top of me again as I was giggling away and
kept on kissing me all over my face until I stopped laughing. "I couldn't
deny anything after that. But he promised to keep his mouth shut..." Jake
added. He then, bit his upper lip.

'You're not kidding, right?" I asked after I stopped laughing. After
telling my parents that I was, ehem, gay, I wasn't really worried. The most
important people in the world for me had accepted me as I was and I wanted
to tell Derek himself anyway when he arrived from school, but as usual some
things would never go as planned.

"Nah, he now knows about us, seriously... Are you mad at me?"

"No, it's okay, he would've found out anyway. What else did he say?"

"He said that he likes you very much... and he thinks you like him a little
too." Jake said and carefully watched for my reaction.

"Yeah... he's cute... reminds me when you were 14..." I said. "Can you get
off me? I can't breathe..." I added while wracking my brain on ways to make
sure Jake didn't get the wrong impression. Jake lay next to me on his side
with his face close to mine.

"I think I'm jealous..." Jake whispered in my ears.

"Let's have a threesome then..." I said to shock him. Jake just smiled and
said, "Yeah, right... over my dead body."

"Look, Jake... I may be attracted to him but I've you and that's what I
really want," I said as his moody demeanor continued to unsettle me.

"I trust you, dude. It's the brat that I'm worried about. He's too cute and
daring." I glanced at Jake wondering how Jake came to that conclusion. Jake
met my eyes and as if understanding my questioning look, said, "He kissed
me this morning after I told him I was gay..."

"On the mouth?"

"Uhuh..."

"Tongue?"

"Uhuh... I was too shocked to be able to close my mouth. He was too
fast..." Jake said apologetically. "I pushed him away..."

"After like a minute, probably..." I said, glaring at him. Jake's blush
confirmed my suspicion.

"He was a good kisser..." Jake offered a lame reply.

"You don't have to tell me all this, you know..." I said, turning away from
him.

"I know... but just in case he told you about it later, I think it's better
for me to tell you first. Anyway, I panicked and told him not to tell you
about the kiss... that's how he found out we were a couple."

"You're hopeless, you know... That kid got you figured out that
easy... Shit... I hope you didn't carve our name on any desk today... We're
gonna get killed in a week..." I said in despair with my back towards him.

"I'm sorry... He took me by surprise... I told you I was stupid... Shit,
why do you even bother with me?" Jake started to sound like a little boy.

"Because I fuckin' love you... that's why..." I replied. Jake scooted
closer to hug me from behind and I heard a muffled, "Thanks, Eric... I love
you too," from him. After a long pause I said, "We gotta talk. Just the
three of us..."

"Okay..." Jake replied softly with his warm breath tickling my neck. I
slowly turned around to face my pretty boy. There were tears in his eyes
and in mine.

"Jake, what's wrong with me?"

"Huh... What're you talking about...?" Jake asked softly.

"I got a hardon just thinking of you and Derek kissing..." I confessed to
him. Jake smiled.

"I got a hardon thinking about the threesome..." Jake said and sniggered.

"Did you get a hardon when he kissed you...?"

Jake nodded slowly.

"Did you kiss him back?"

Jake nodded again.

"Then, I get to kiss him too..." I said and Jake looked shaken.

"Bad idea, dude..." Jake said.

"What did his mouth taste like?" I asked and Jake's eyes wavered as I
stared at him.

"Soft and sweet... Minty..." Jake replied. We were playing a dangerous game
and I just couldn't stop myself.

"Did you suck his tongue?"

"No, he sucked mine..." Jake replied. "Can we stop this? I feel sick..."

"Okay... Sorry..." I said and Jake hugged me tight.

"I'm not going to fall in love with him, okay, Eric. You're my one and
only. I wouldn't hurt you like that. I have you now and I won't let you
go." I held him tight as those thoughts of lust that I had for other boys
in the past played in my mind. I wasn't an angel, I thought.

"This is too scary, Jake. You can hurt me so much..."

"I'm scared too, Eric. I love you too much, that's why... Maybe it's not
normal."

"Good, don't be normal. I want you to love me too much... so you won't
leave me. I don't ever want to not love you, Jake."

"I hope this feeling would last until the day we die." Jake said and with
that we went silent as we enjoyed each others presence. The quiet felt
almost spiritual. We stayed still for like five minutes.

"My parents know you're here?" I asked as reality finally returned. Jake
nodded and told me he was asked to wake me up for dinner. It seemed we were
having a big family dinner for both families tonight.

"Have your parents talked to you?"

"Uhuh..." Jake mumbled as he rolled, lay on his back and started to look up
at the empty ceiling. "They were really trying hard... Dad told me what
happened to him and I... and I..." Jake couldn't continue and I pulled him
closer to me as I gave him a hug. I knew that Jake felt guilty for being
gay especially with his Dad's sad past.

"They tried so hard and I love them so much..." Jake whispered in my ear. I
just held him tight. "They told me you came out to your parents this
morning and how they found out we were boyfriends... I should've been there
for you."

"It's okay... I had to tell my Mom and Dad this morning. I'm glad I did. It
went quite okay... They didn't overreact. They were just stunned, I guess."
I said and continued to tell him what happened this morning and then about
the discussion we had during lunch with his parents.

"Your 'rents are cool... Mine are a little mixed up but they're trying hard
to adjust. My Mom and Dad hugged me after our talk but it felt awkward."

"Give them time, man. Things will get better. I'm sure." I said to him.

"Did they talk to you about being careful?" Jake said and raised his left
eyebrow provocatively.

"Yep... Both set of parents did. They didn't ask whether we had sex but
they told me to make sure we're both 'careful'..."

"Do you wanna be 'careful' right now?" Jake whispered to me. I really
wanted to be 'careful' with Jake right there and then but remembering the
foolish risk we had taken this morning, I decided to decline.

"We better get down before they start thinking about us having sex right
now..." I said suddenly after having that scary thought.

"Who cares?" Jake replied as he pulled me on top of his well toned body. I
got off him and told him to stuff his blond head inside his rear
orifice. He laughed as he hugged me from behind while I groomed myself for
dinner. I just looked at him in the mirror and as our eyes met Jake said he
wanted to fuck me. That got him an elbow in his midriff.

******

We had a fairly uneventful dinner that night. Derek didn't join us as his
parents took him out. I did manage to talk to Derek before he went and got
a generous hug (I felt his semi hardon) from him. The three of us really
had to talk, I thought. After Derek went off with his parents (he promised
not to tell them about us yet) we gathered at the dinner table.

Everyone was civil to each other. Well, being civil didn't stop both set of
parents looking at us with that 'Are they having sex?' expression. Or maybe
that was just paranoia on my side.

So after a great dinner of pasta and cold chicken salad and wine for the
legal drinkers (the underage drank Cokes), we went to the living room for
some after dinner conversation.

As usual my father started the conversation. He gave a toast for our
families. "Let's drink to an unusual yet beautiful relationship between our
families..."

Like the dorks we were that night, we all replied, "Hear! Hear!" and
clinked our glasses and drank. Then we started talking about normal stuff
and as usual the two Dads started talking about football, the two Moms
talked about the food and Jake and I just listened. I was feeling really
tired and started to yawn. So I told them that I wanted to sleep so I can
go to school tomorrow.

"Are you feeling up for it, Eric?" Mom asked and I nodded.

"Yeah, Mom... and I'll get some rest during the classes... Don't worry," I
said as I gave my best reassuring smile.

"I'll make sure..." Jake added.

"Okay..." Mom said as her eyes went from Jake to me and back to Jake. I
guess she still couldn't believe that we were a couple.

"Good night everyone," I said as I trundled off to bed. I just left Jake
there. As I was reaching the upstairs landing, I heard some footsteps
behind me.

"They told me to tuck you in," Jake said to me. I turned around to see him
smiling.

"They did...?" I asked in surprise.

Jake nodded and winked. I held out my right hand and Jake's left hand
grabbed it. We walked into my room hand in hand. I shut the door quietly.

"I have a feeling they're talking about us right now..." Jake said as he
lay on my bed.

"You think?" I replied playfully as I looked down at him from the edge of
the bed.

"If I asked them, do you think they'll let me sleep here, tonight?"

"Hahaha..." I replied sarcastically and lay next to him. I got closer and
rested my head on his shoulder. His right hand was on my chest caressing my
left nipple. We were just having our quiet love-filled moment when the door
was knocked on twice and opened before we could even respond. There was
Derek at the door watching us before closing the door behind him as he
stepped inside.

"Wow..." Derek said breathlessly as he looked at us with his beautiful
grin.

"I am so gonna kill you, dude," Jake said angrily. "Do you know what
privacy means?"

"Sorry... But I just wanna see with my own eyes." And jack off later, I
thought. Derek came closer and stared at us. "I wish I had someone to
hold," He said and my heart went out to him. I heard Jake let out a soft
sigh.

"Derek, you're gonna find someone too okay..." Jake said with sympathy.

"I know... but I feel so lonely sometimes. I want what you two have."

"Derek, come here..." I said and felt Jake's body stiffen. I couldn't care
less as Derek lay next to me. I was now sandwiched between two cute
boys. "I know you like me a lot."

"I think I like Jake too..." Derek replied. I sighed and glanced at Jake,
who was rubbing his forehead.

"You just want to get into our pants, right?" I said to Derek, who was
making himself comfortable. He was still wearing his jacket but I could
feel his warm body.

"Yeah..." He agreed. "I have no chance now, I guess."

"You guessed right, dude." Jake replied quickly. "You're gonna have to find
your own boyfriend. We're taken."

"What about some fun sex? You know like a threesome... I'll suck yo..."
Derek couldn't continue as a pillow was placed on his cute face. We only
removed it when he made the time-out sign with his hands.

"Gosh, that was good sex..." Derek said to us with shining eyes and we all
laughed our heads off.

"Seriously... I think Phillip Michel the exchange student from Canada likes
me... If you want me to stop liking you guys, please find out if his stares
are because I'm cute or because he can see dead people." Derek said to us
after we stopped laughing. We all giggled again. Derek was fun to be
with. Knowing that he was not alone made his cheerful personality come out,
I thought.

"I like Phil," I said. "I'll find out for you." I paused and said, "Derek,
we're all not out yet, okay. So you have to be careful." Jake sniggered at
the word 'careful' and got a slap on his chest. "Most of the people in
school are not too homophobic but you never really know people until you
know them."

"I know... I'll always be careful." Derek said and Jake and I laughed to
his disbelief. "I swear." Derek added.

"We believe you'll always be 'careful', dude." Jake said as he looked at
me. We both burst out laughing again.

"You guys are weird... cute but weird." Derek said and snuggled closer to
me. Jake noticed this and looked at me. I just smiled at Jake. "Thanks for
not kicking me out, Jake." Derek added knowingly.

We stayed like that for a few more minutes before I noticed Derek was
dozing off. I was also feeling sleepy. Jake was wide awake watching us.

"Derek, go sleep in your room." I said as I shook Derek awake. He took his
time getting up.

"That was nice... Can we do this again tomorrow night?" Derek asked
playfully.

"Nope..." Jake quickly replied. "We're gonna lock the door." He added and
got a smile from Derek.

"Well, good night guys. I gotta go..." Derek said as he got out of the
bed. "I'll be next door listening through the wall." He ran out of the room
as two pillows were thrown at him.

"I love you, Eric, but sometimes you're too nice to people." Jake said as
he collected the pillows while I closed the bedroom door.

"I like him, Jake. You like him too. He needed a cuddle, so I gave it to
him. Anyway, once he got a boyfriend, he won't bother us anymore."

"I think Phil Michel is like us. I saw him staring at you a few times."

"Really? He's cute dontcha think?"

"Yeah, but he doesn't do anything for me."

"Well, he's got a really cool French accent... I bet he'll be screaming
Oui! Oui! When he's being fucked..." I said and laughed to myself. Jake
looked at me quizzically.

"What?" I asked him. "I was just speaking out my mind."

"Oui, Oui?" Jake replied.

"So what?" I said defensively.

"When are we gonna do it?" Jake asked slowly and I got real uncomfortable
with where the subject was going to.

"Definitely not tonight." I replied. "But later of course. I'm not ready
yet."

"Are you gonna let me suck you?"

"Jake, when I'm ready, okay."

"I don't know how long I can wait..." Jake whined.

"If I don't want to do those stuff, it doesn't mean I don't love you,
okay."

Jake kept quiet. I just sulked. The situation suddenly got tense.

"I'm sorry..."

"You better be..." I replied tersely.

"I should go..." Jake said and got off the bed. I wanted to call him back
but pride stopped me. He was just being a jackass in trying to pressure me
into more serious sex.

"Good night, Eric. I love you, dude." Jake said as he looked down at
me. "I'm sorry..."

I got out of the bed and quickly hugged him.

"I love you too, Jake." I said as I held him tight. He started to kiss my
neck and a low moan came from my mouth. I grabbed his hair and kissed
him. Jake stepped forward and pushed me back on the bed. I was breathing
hard as he brought his open mouth on mine. Our tongues quickly met and we
French kissed in a frenzy. Jake was on top of me suffocating me with his
mouth. I was in heaven. He started to move his hands all over my body and
finally his right hand found my hardon. My pants never felt so tight. I
pushed myself onto his hands as I moaned in ecstasy. My hands were on his
ass, grabbing and pushing his crotch onto my thigh. Then suddenly he
stopped kissing me. I looked at him as he stared at me.

"You drive me crazy, Eric. I want you so much. But I gotta go before I do
anything stupid. I don't wanna lose you. I love you too much." I realized
there and then that Jake could make me do whatever he wanted. During such
passionate moments I would've done anything but later regret doing
them. Jake realized that too, it seemed. It was like a ray of heavenly
light had enlightened my mind at that instant and I truly realized that
this was the person that I loved and would love for the rest of my human
life.

I combed his hair and straightened his shirt as he placed his hands on my
shoulder. He was watching my face and I met his eyes a few times.

"Okay, they won't suspect a thing." I said as I turned him to face the
mirror. At that moment our eyes met again and we kept the eye contact
without blinking for as long as we could. I blinked first.

"I win, dude." Jake said and kissed my cheek. "I love you."

"You better go now, Jake, or I won't be able to let you go." I said with a
grin and pushed him to the door. He opened the door with his right hand
while his left hand was trapped in my hands. I pulled him towards me and we
kissed again, lips only. The moment I opened my mouth, Jake stopped kissing
me and slowly pushed me away.

"Gotta go, Eric." He said with a knowing grin. "See you in the morning."

"Je t'aime." I said.

"Au revoir... Je t'aime." Jake said and closed the door with a smile on his
face. I just stood there looking at the door. The French lessons were not
in vain.

*******

Jake didn't come to visit me in the early morning like usual. I was hoping
he would. I slept late, tossing and turning, thinking about Jake and
school. By the time I woke up there was just enough time to get ready for
school. I swore silently as I realized Jake didn't remember to give me the
school assignments. I'd have to get myself out of trouble the old fashioned
way, by apologizing. I wore my dark blue polo shirt and 501. I had my CK
boxers on just in case I start to leak when I see Jake, heheh.

When I got downstairs, Jake and Derek were already there. Mom was busy
making scrambled eggs while Dad was deep into his newspaper.

"Morning, everyone..." I said and proceeded to sit opposite Jake next to
Derek.

It was strange. I had another enlightening moment that morning. We were all
talking normally like any family having breakfast together. Nobody would
notice there were three non-heterosexual boys at the breakfast table. We
were normal and for most people three gay boys together were not normal. In
this world we live in, three good-looking gay boys in the same room would
mean immorality, debauchery, irresponsibility and sex, lots of free
sex. That moment stayed in my memory to this day. I realized that being gay
did not mean immorality, debauchery, irresponsibility and just sex.

Being gay meant being just a normal human being.

THE END



Epilogue (well, more like a deleted scene)

It was our first day at school as a legit couple (legit meaning some other
people knew other than just the two of us). We arrived early and I saw
Jerry watching us from his parked Mustang as we drove past. Jake parked his
car at his usual spot. Being a jock had some nice privileges.

Derek said, "See ya, pretty boys!" and got out. We called him back to close
the door. He left in a hurry after that. Phillip Michel was waiting, I
mused.

"Jake!" I whispered hoarsely.

"What?" He whispered back and smiled. He was such a cute klutz sometimes.

"Remember?" I said, trying to jog his memory of what we wanted to do this
morning.

"Oh..." He said and nodded. "I'm ready, dude..." I had a look around and
saw nobody else near the car.

"The coast is clear," I said. Jake quickly grabbed my head and we
kissed. At first it was just a tame kiss but once I opened my mouth we were
going at it like there was no tomorrow.

Suddenly, a voice from outside the car said the words that I had long
wanted to hear, "Hey, faggots! Get the fuck out of the car... Oh my
God... Oh My God... Oh fuck..."

It was hard to stop kissing Jake but I decided that Jerry had had enough
and separated our wet mouths. Jake sighed loudly as our eyes met. I wiped
my wet mouth with my hand and opened the car door. Jerry was outside
holding his head looking at me and Jake and me and Jake until I thought he
was going to screw his head off. Jake and I slammed the doors at the same
time and Jerry seemed to be jolted back to real-time by the loud sound.

"Am I dreaming?" He asked.

"No, just keep whatever you saw a secret..." Jake said and smiled.

"When did this happen? Oh my God... Are you two boyfriends now?"

"We'll tell you everything later but yes, Eric's my boyfriend." Jake said.

"Eric?" Jerry said as he looked at me.

I just nodded. "Later okay..." I said and walked towards school beside
Jake, like usual. Jerry was left behind us with his mouth hanging open.

We were near the steps towards the entrance when Jerry came and walked
between us with his right arm over my shoulders and the other over Jake's
shoulders. Jake and I looked at each other and grinned.

"So... I was right all along..." Jerry said.

We all laughed as we entered the school.

The End... (for real)


Last words...

I had some problems with the ending (As if you didn't notice the long gap
from the last chapter, heheh). But as they say the end is just another
beginning and so I finally managed to do it. I hope the open ending would
signify that Eric and Jake have so much to look forward to and that true
love will triumph in the end. The rest are just details. For all the
patient readers out there, thanks for all your supporting emails. I would
have never attempted this story if it weren't for your support. As I said,
the end is just another beginning. I will be working on 'Living in a Box'
next.

If you wanna talk about the Heartache series or anything at all just email
me at fyiord@yahoo.com.

Again, thank you for all the support via your emails. I know I would never
have completed the story without your belief in me.