Date: Sat, 5 Jul 2003 09:34:38 -0700 (PDT)
From: Ray Morales <fyiord@yahoo.com>
Subject: Heartache 09

This story continues where Heartache 08 left off in the story 'Heartache'
in /High School/.

Thanks to all who emailed me. I am only doing this for you guys. Otherwise,
I would have given up a long time ago. It's too painful.

Note:

This story is fiction and is by no means depictive of the life of any
person, place or thing. It contains no penetrative sexual acts between
males YET and should only be read if it is legal to do so in your area.
Read at your own risk. All names are made up and any similarities are just
dumb luck.

Heartache 09
By Fjord

	I got out of the car and confronted our persecutor. "You gotta stop
saying that, Jerry. It's stupid and it's getting incredibly old," I said to
him with a scowl as I swung the car door shut. Jake was already outside of
the car and was locking it with his remote. With his school bag slung on
his shoulder, Jake went round the car to my side and high-fived Jerry the
bigot.

	"Chill out, Eric, it's just my favorite expression for you two
fags... Ooops, I did it again," Jerry replied and laughed. I could not help
but smile at his antics. Jerry was one of our good friends. He was in the
same football team as Jake. I had known Jerry since kindergarten and we had
been good friends since. He and Jake had got on well since I introduced
them to each other the first time. Jerry, like Jake, was a jock but he had
big muscles, a huge neck, big hands and huge everything. I would not
exactly call him handsome. With his brunette hair and blue eyes, I would
call him a big-hearted cutie pie. He was like a big huggable teddy bear
(read big and hairy). He was totally harmless but he always called us
f****ts whenever he caught Jake and me alone together. The funny thing was
that I never recalled ever hearing him calling me with that 'word' when
Jake was not with me. I wondered why.

	"Funny, Jerry, real funny. Wait till you find out that we're really
have been fucking each other, then you'll be sorry," I blurted out. Jake
looked a bit shocked but managed to keep his composure.

	Then Jerry replied, "I bet that would be a perfect jerking-off
fantasy for quite a few boys in school," and continued laughing. I blushed
at that comment.

	I quickly looked at Jake and he just shrugged and coolly said, "I
think you should be flattered, Eric. I mean you're pretty cute and all. If
you put on a dress, you'll look exactly like your mother. And you know, I
do have the hots for your Mom, really." Jerry just laughed even harder.

	"Fuck, I don't wanna be your stepson. That's just wrong, man," I
replied in mock anger and Jerry was now bent over in laughter. Jake and I
looked at each other, shrugged our shoulders and left Jerry behind us. He
was still guffawing.

	Jake and I walked side by side towards the school main entrance. I
did not even want to look at him. I felt really nervous. I wondered how
Jake was doing. I glanced at him and saw him looking at his
fingernails. That was his habit whenever he felt nervous. "Just bite them
already," I said with a smile and he looked at me sheepishly and grinned.

	"I...," Jake started to say something but we had reached the
Iverson High School entrance and Mr. Grumpy started yelling to everybody to
get in school before he shut the doors. Both of us slipped in past him and
went straight to our lockers. Mine was nearer to the doorway and Jake's was
somewhere at the jocks only lockers section further in. We didn't get to
say goodbye.

*****

	"Now, class, remember you have a pop quiz tomorrow," our History
teacher, Mr. Bannister announced just after the bell rang as the class
ended. We all groaned as he gave us a wicked smile. I had not been paying
much attention during his class, as my head was lost in the thick white
clouds outside the classroom. I was wondering how Jake was faring. I bet he
was suffering like me and it was just the first class. I smiled.

	"Hey, Eric, you're pretty quiet today. What's going on?"
Mr. Bannister said as I ran into him on my way out of the classroom. He
deliberately blocked my path and I literally ran into him. It was as if he
wasn't there. All the time my mind was on Jake. I hoped to see him soon. I
missed him terribly.
	"Huh? Oh. Mr. Bannister. Sorry I ran into you. I... I wasn't
looking," I stammered. Mr. Bannister just looked at me with a frown.
	"Eric, do you need someone to talk to? If you have any problem, I'd
like to help." He sounded worried. I guessed he would be because I was his
best student and we also got along very well. We liked and respected each
other. Mr. Bannister was one of those teachers that actually cared for his
students.
	I smiled weakly and said, "Thanks, Mr. Bannister. It's nothing,
really. Monday blues, I think." He nodded and let me pass. I could feel his
eyes looking at my back as I walked down the hall.
	I realized that I was acting strange and that people had been
giving me a lot of space. 'Something was going on with one of the most
popular guy in school' would be the current gossip if I kept on being a
lovesick puppy. I decided to put on a smile and actually started to feel a
bit better. Still, I felt something was not right. Probably, it was Jake's
absence.
	Soon, I was saying 'Hi' or giving my trademark smile to everyone
who met my eyes. It was hard work being a popular guy. Everyone knew you
and you had to try and remember their faces and match them with names. Of
course, the names had to be correct otherwise you just looked like an eager
but stupid dog, with your tongue hanging out, waiting for a stick to be
thrown for you to retrieve. That would not be good.
	As soon as I cheered up, I noticed people starting to walk beside
me and actually trying to talk to me again. I just said 'Yeah!' and
'Really?' a lot to whatever they said. I kept my focus though and listened
to every word that was said. Most of the talk would be gossip and some
would be homework and sports.
	I got in the next class and began to concentrate on the lessons. I
realized that if I kept myself busy, I would be able to forget Jake for a
while, until lunchtime. The uneasy feeling didn't go away though.

*****

	I was sitting at my regular table in the cafeteria with the chair
next to mine empty. It was for Jake. He had not arrived for lunch yet. Ian
and Jerry joined me and took the other two chairs facing me. Ian Marshall
was a junior that I liked and brought into our circle of friends
recently. He also provided the latest happenings in school and today he
looked liked he was bursting at the seams with some important gossip.
	"Last Friday, I was sitting just behind Cynthia during lunch. Guess
what? I heard Cynthia saying that she's gonna get your cherry," Ian blurted
out excitedly at me, "Man, you're gonna get some serious booty soon."
	I was shocked but just raised my eyebrows and replied, "I decide
who's getting my cherry and it ain't gonna be her. Trust me." Ian just
smirked and muttered, "Yeah, right. Like you're still a virgin," and kicked
my left foot.
	"Ouch! I am still a virgin, okay. I have my beliefs about sex and
they're pretty retro. Who cares 'bout what you think," I was a bit miffed
just then. I really did believe that sex should be with the right person
not with just anyone who dropped their underwear for you. "But that doesn't
mean I don't have fun, okay... I'm just my own man. If you know what I
mean."
	Jerry was looking at Ian nervously. "Stop blabbing your mouth,
Ian. You're gonna get into serious trouble," Jerry said and gave Ian a
warning look. I was curious with Jerry's reaction. Usually, he would have
jumped on this opportunity to hassle me on my virginity issue.
	"I can take care of little Ian, Jerry," I told Jerry and winked at
him. Jerry only looked even more uncomfortable.
	"From what I hear, you're a studly stud, stud," Ian said with a
wide grin and kicked my leg conspiratorially. His shoe made contact with my
shin and an electric signal was sent instantaneously to my brain, which in
return translated it into a sharp pain in my leg.
	"Ouch! Stop kicking my leg, Ian. That hurts," I exclaimed in pain.
	"Who's bothering my best friend here? I'm gonna get his balls and
set them on fire," Jake said as he sat himself next to me with his tray of
food. He chuckled at his own comment. Ian just grinned at him. To my
bewilderment, Jerry was frantically making funny faces at Jake.
	"Now, Jake, you tell this virgin here how Cynthia got your cherry,"
Ian said to Jake and pointed at me. I tried to grab Ian's accusing finger
but only managed to grasp air as he pulled it back. I noticed Jake being
suddenly quiet. Then it all dawned upon me. Ian was talking about Jake
getting a blowjob from Cynthia.
	"Oh... I know all about it, Ian and let's just say I know more than
you do," I replied and placed my right arm on Jake's shoulders. At least it
gave me a chance to touch my boyfriend. I felt Jake body tense up. What was
the matter with him now?
	"Did he tell you 'bout being ridden by Cynthia like a stallion?"
Ian whispered low just enough for just the four of us to hear. "I heard
that she came four times before Jake blew his load. He was that good. We
are in the presence of a first class stud. Right, Jake?" I was stunned to
say the least. For a second there, I just stared at Ian. My right hand
gripped Jake's right shoulder hard instinctively. I couldn't believe what I
had just heard.
	Ian just continued eagerly, "Cynthia said she was so horny that
they did it almost every night before Jake dumped her last year. She said
that she tried to patch it up with Jake last Thursday but Jake completely
blew her off. She was mad as hell. Now, she's gonna try for the one and
only, Eric Collins, Jake's best friend, just to spite Jake." Jake and Jerry
just glared at Ian menacingly. Ian began to look worried.
	I didn't really know how I felt at that moment. I was in a daze and
my heart was beating real fast. I released my grip on Jake's right shoulder
and raked my fingers over my hair before placing my hands on the table. So
what if my hair fell over my face in that sexy way that drove some people
crazy, Jake had said that he had only got blowjobs from Cynthia and nothing
more. He never mentioned full-blown fucking. I was naïve enough to
swallow that 'fact' hook, line and sinker. I tried to think but my brain's
current screensaver displayed Cynthia's naked body humping Jake's hard
cock. My fucking boyfriend lied to me. He fucking lied to me. I wondered
what else he didn't fucking tell me. He probably had fucked her in his
bedroom on the same bed we made love in last Friday. It took all the
strength that I had to keep calm.
	I took a deep breath and said to Ian, "As I said, I'm my own man. I
don't do sluts, anymore," and glanced to my right and saw that Jake was
staring at me with a hurt expression on his beautiful two-faced
face. Served him right. He was a major two-faced slut. Fuck him, I
thought. I stood up quickly and the chair I was sitting on fell over with a
crashing sound that reverberated across the cafeteria. I just ignored it
and strode to the exit. I had to get out of there. I wanted to get away. I
wanted out. My perfect little world was now a mess. Jake was not the person
I had thought and wanted him to be. He was just a two-timing, lying pretty
face with a hold on my heart. And right now his hold was crushing my
heart. Did he really love me? Why, the fuck, why, he didn't tell me that he
fucked the bitch? Did he think I wasn't going to find out? Behind the
background noise of the cafeteria, I could hear, faintly, Ian asking Jake
and Jerry what the hell happened and whether it was his fault. In my mind,
I thanked Ian for being a busybody.
	I did not notice it at first but suddenly everything was too
bright. I realized then that I had walked out of school and was walking
home on foot. Fuck the school. Fuck everyone. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I suddenly
knew that I had said my thoughts out loud when an old lady carrying a brown
bag full of groceries gave me a dirty look as I passed by. Well, fuck you
too, I thought. I realized that I had said it out loud when as she started
swearing back at me. I just walked off not wanting a useless confrontation
with somebody's grandmother.
	"Eric! Please stop! We need to talk!" Jake shouted from behind. The
fucker followed me. Next he would be on his knees begging for forgiveness
and understanding. Well, fuck the slut, I thought. I broke into a run. My
home was just ten minutes away if I had walked and running would cut the
time by half but I wasn't going home. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to hit
something until my hands bled. I fucking wanted to hit someone and that
particular punching bag was following me. I couldn't go to the stupid
tree. I had to find a new place where Jake wouldn't find me.
	I ran all the way to the park that we went to in the
morning. Instead of going to my favorite spot, I ran further into the part
of the park where the trees are older and denser. Looking back I saw Jake
quite a long way away. I made a sharp turn off the jogging path and made
myself disappear from his sight. I hid behind a pine tree ten feet away
from the jogging path. I sat down against the tree trunk and slowly began
breathing normally again. Soon enough, I heard the sound of somebody
getting nearer and nearer. The footsteps stopped and in their place were
the sound of somebody breathing hard after a good run. Shit! Jake always
knew where to find me.
	"Eric baby, please let's talk. I know you're here," Jake's hoarse
voice came from the path. I kept quiet. My rage against his lies was
boiling to the point where my face was getting red-hot and my teeth were
clamped tight together. Jake pleaded with me, "I'm sorry, Eric. I should've
told you everything. But I couldn't. You would've just killed me if I had
told you. You wouldn't have wanted me, dude. I'm sorry. Please Eric, let's
talk. I love you, man. I don't wanna lose you."
	"I don't wanna talk to you! I don't wanna see your face! I hate
you, period! You fucking lied to me! I wanted us to be special, Jake. I
wanted to be your first. But you... you... you shithead! You fucking fucked
the fucking bitch and you didn't even fucking tell me, you fucking bastard!
I hate you! I hate you so fucking much!" I shouted angrily and loudly from
behind the tree with tears flowing freely down my cheeks. My eyes stung
from the sweat and tears. Jake was quiet for a minute or so. The bastard
was tongue-tied. Fuck him, I thought. I heard the rustle of leaves being
stepped on and then Jake was standing in front of me. I didn't look up. My
hands were tearing some dead leaves to pieces.
	"I hate you," I said quietly with venom not raising my head.
	"I love you," Jake replied grimly.
	"Fuck off! You wouldn't know love even if it was sitting on your
dick!" I could feel him flinch at my words. Bulls eye, you stinker, I
thought.
	"You love me, Eric. You know that. I know that. We love each
other," Jake said this as he knelt in front of me. He didn't dare touch
me. If he did I would have punched his pretty face. Shit! I loved the
bastard. I fucking loved him but just the thought of my fist making contact
with his pretty face made me feel good. He fucked Cynthia. He lost his
cherry to the bitch. What did I have left? A fucking used item! A fucking
used dick! Useless dickhead! I fucking saved myself for him. Shit! That
wasn't true. I was a virgin because I was scared shitless of being found
out as a boy with an alternative sexual orientation who had an obsession
with the pretty boy next door. I was scared shitless of Jake finding that
out about me. I wanted to love him from afar, where I wouldn't get
hurt. Last Friday changed all that. Why didn't he just keep his big mouth
shut? I probably would have married a nice girl and raised a model all
American family if he had shut his trap.
	"Why the fuck didn't you tell me, man? Why?" I shouted at him.
	"I couldn't... I didn't want to hurt you. After what happened when
I told you 'bout Cynthia giving me that blowjob, I was scared to death of
telling you any other stuff. I didn't know what to do. I'm fucking stupid,
okay! I'm not like you!" Jake said with his voice rising.
	I shouted at him, "You fucking lied!" I stood up and glared down at
him. He looked upwards at me with a forlorn expression and quickly looked
down again. A question that I had pushed back into the recesses of my mind
for so long popped out to the surface. "Tell me this Jake, were there other
boys before me?" I asked him the dreaded question. I saw him visibly
stiffen. He couldn't look me in the eyes. He was trembling as he finally
looked up at me.
	"Ye... Yes... there were other boys that I messed around with
before you," Jake replied with tears in his eyes, "I'm sorry. I wish I
could take it all back but I can't, Eric. I can't."
	That was the knock out blow. I just lashed out at the nearest
object. The poor pine tree didn't know why this relatively little guy was
kicking and screaming at its trunk. I vented out my anger and frustrations
at the tree until I collapsed to the ground. Tears streamed down my face
and through my blurred vision I saw Jake in front of me still in his
kneeling position. His face was in his hands and he was crying and was
mumbling about something. I felt numb. I had no feeling for Jake at the
moment. All I felt was this deep emptiness that existed at the core of my
being. I felt alone again. The world didn't turn upside down. It had gone
inside out. I felt there was no meaning to my existence anymore. The person
I had loved most was in front of me and I could not find that spark in me
anymore. It was as if somebody dumped a bucket of water on the fire of love
that was burning so brightly inside me since Friday night. I had felt
invincible with Jake loving me with all his heart and all his soul. Nothing
could break us I had thought, but that was before I found out that Jake was
a slut, sleeping around with anything he could slip his dick into. I didn't
even want to know whom he did it with, why he did what he did or for that
matter how he could do it. I just gave up. There was this ringing in my
ears as I got up to leave.
	"Please forgive me Eric. I'm really sorry... I should've told you
everything but I couldn't." Jake's voice sounded distant with the ringing
in my ears. "Please look at me, Eric." I just ignored him and slowly walked
out of the trees and back into the jogging path. I couldn't be bothered
with him anymore. It hurt too much. It was better to feel nothing. I was
invincible again. Nothing could hurt me ever again.
	"Just stay the fuck away from me! I curse the day I met you! I hope
you kill yourself!" I shouted bitterly at him as I walked away.
	Jake didn't follow me. I didn't know how I ended up in my
bedroom. I didn't know how I got into the shower and cleaned up. I didn't
know how I managed to lie on my bed and sleep. I just knew I had done all
that as Mom woke me up with her knock on the door.
	"Eric, are you in there?"
	"Yeah, Mom." I replied.
	"Dinner's ready. We will start first while you get ready. Derek
went to dinner with his parents. So, it's just us tonight."
	"Okay, Mom." I had forgotten all about Derek.
	I got up from my bed and went to the mirror. There was something
wrong with my eyes. They were lifeless and without any sparkles. My eyes
were incredibly dull. I forced a smile and the usual twinkling in my eyes
was not there. Something at the back of my mind wanted me to think of
somebody called Jake but I pushed it even further back. I smiled my fake
smile. I was invincible again. No one can hurt me no more. I put on a black
T-shirt and black denim shorts (freeballin' again). I went downstairs to
test whether my disguise worked. As with whatever I did when I put my whole
mind into it, it worked. My parents never had a clue. I was Eric their
super son. To me, I was Eric the invincible. I could be a serial murderer
and they would never have any inkling. Their son had his heart blown into a
gazillion pieces and they casually asked him about somebody called
Jake. But it was okay, their son was invincible. I just answered them with
the words they wanted to hear. After dinner, I excused myself on the
pretense of having to do my homework that, unknown to them, was in my
locker at school. About ditching the afternoon classes, they would never
know. I would take care of it tomorrow. I was invincible. I went to sleep
in my dinner clothes.

*****

	The next morning, I woke up real early which always happened when I
sleep real early. I had been crying in my sleep. My face was damp with
tears. I tried to remember why I was crying when the dam suddenly
broke. Whatever wall I had built up around me last night crumbled. The
realization that Jake broke my heart finally hit home and it hit hard. I
called out his name into the pillow. Somehow, I had enough brain cells not
to wake Derek and my parents up with my cry of anguish. "Jake! Jake!" I
called out his name again and again. I told him I was hurting. I told him I
missed him. I told him I still loved him. I told him I didn't care about
his past. I just wanted the hurt to go away. Only Jake could take the hurt
away. It hurt so much. This thin, smooth and seemingly endless feeling of
pain went through my broken heart like a red-hot knife slicing into
butter. I just curled up in pain and wanted to die but at the same time I
wanted Jake with me to ease the pain. I couldn't hate the one I loved. I
could only hurt him but the pain I intended for him would always come back
to me in a hundredfold. In the end I still loved him. In the end I still
needed him.
	I sat up straight with a start. I recalled my parting shot at Jake
and trembled with fear. The words I shouted at Jake came back loud and
clear, again and again.  "Just stay the fuck away from me! I curse the day
I met you! I hope you kill yourself!"  "Just stay the fuck away from me! I
curse the day I met you! I hope you kill yourself!"  "Just stay the fuck
away from me! I curse the day I met you! I hope you kill yourself!"
	I was paralyzed with the fear of losing my one and true love due to
my selfishness and pride. I wanted to hurt him then and I had pulled out
all the stops. I didn't want to think anymore. I had to find him. I had to
tell him that I didn't mean any of the hurtful words I carelessly spat at
him, before it was too late. God, I hoped it was not too late. Please God,
let him be safe, I prayed.
	I slipped out of the bed to rush out the door to get to Jake when I
tripped and fell down hard onto the floor and passed out. The last thoughts
in my fading consciousness were of Jake, lying on the cold hard ground,
dead and all alone in the park under that poor pine tree.


To be continued...


	You can email me at fyiord@yahoo.com anytime.