Date: Tue, 06 Sep 2005 00:08:58 -0400
From: S N <sum1plezzcall_911@hotmail.com>
Subject: heavens-just-a-sin-away, Chapter 4

Disclaimer: This is a FICTIONAL story describing the love
triangle of a teenage boy. If you are not over 18 years of age, or if you
find this type of story offensive, or viewing this material is illegal
where you are, then refrain from reading it. The story consists of lust,
passion, teenage romance, interracial, love and all the rest of the good
stuff in that order... Prepare for sin

Comments welcome to sum1plezzCall_911@hotmail.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They were standing there. They waited patiently for me to answer them on
two questions. They wanted to know if I was gay and secondly if I liked
Sampson. It would have been so easy for me to lie and say no, but the fact
that the question was brought up lingered like poison in my head.  T-Boy
had brought our problems to attention. I was happy that the only real
friend of mine there was Shane and he wasn't the kind to spread
rumors. Either way, it was twice as bad because Sampson was there.

"What's with the silence?" T-Boy said, with this cutthroat tone, "I figured
there was something up with you."

I looked at Sampson and he stared back at me. Suddenly he just said,
"Tommy, just leave him alone."

I had taken a step back. The embarrassment was getting to me.

"This guy is a fag, I mean look how he stares at you Sam."

Sampson looked at me again. Our eyes connected, just like how they had been
doing a thousand times that day. I didn't know what to do. I suddenly just
found myself walking off. There was laughter behind me. It was loud and
harsh. I felt my eyes watering up. There were tears forming below
them. They weren't tears of sadness well a little bit...but mostly I wanted
to cry because I was so angry. I was so fucking angry that I was letting
T-Boy treat me like that.

The tears didn't fully come, but my eyes were red and I could tell because
of how much I was rubbing them. I was walking fast and I didn't even
notice. I felt so fucking upset. T-Boy had warned me that he was going to
tell Sampson that I was gay. I wondered why I didn't listen to him.

I had made my way to the door, realizing that no one was coming after
me. No one cared enough to stop me from leaving. No one in the world cared
about me. Shane probably was in a way disgusted with me, Monica damn sure
didn't care and Sampson fuck him. Fuck all of them.

I was heading towards the parking lot when someone was coming. I put my
face down to hide the tears.

"Hey you ok?" the person, who I saw was an old lady said.

"I'm fine," I said, but noticed my voice cracking.

"You don't sound like it."

Old ladies were always so fucking nosy. Why couldn't she just leave me
alone? Why did she have to fucking stop me? I stood there for a moment. I
wasn't ok. I was pissed. I wouldn't just let that fucking idiot treat me
like that.

I turned around. I was going to say something to him. I was going to tell
everyone why T-Boy was so upset. I was going to tell everyone that if I was
considered gay, then he was just as gay as I was. I know Dr. Lopez would
have hated the idea of me going back to expose T-Boy. God, she would have
hated it! She would of told me to walk away. I just really couldn't
though. Not liking someone was one thing, but abusing them was quite
another.

"Are those boys fighting?" the old lady said, murmuring with a sort of
gossipy interest.

I looked back. What the hell?

I couldn't believe my eyes. Sampson and T-Boy were seriously fighting. They
weren't just fighting, but they were physically fighting. A large crowd of
people was beginning to form around the two. A majority of the people were
children that I had known from school were actually there as well. I
watched Shane. He was speechless and Monica looked squeamish.

She was squeamish for a good reason. When I looked Sampson had T-Boy
against the ticket counter and he was hitting him with punches that went
straight into his face. T-Boy was blocking most of them. Sampson had
continued punching until he seemed almost out of breath. That was when
T-Boy took his chance and lifted Sampson up. I had taken a couple of steps
forward trying to break through the crowd at this point. The room seemed to
fucking shake as T-Boy slammed Sampson's body against the hard tiled
theater floor.

I heard chants and some people were going nuts with excitements while other
people kept their distance watching in disgust. I saw a fist fly up as
Sampson got back to his feet. I couldn't imagine if T-Boy slammed me like
that, that I would ever get up. However even though Sampson seemed a bit
shaken by the impact of the slam, he just got up and continued to hook away
at his brother. T-Boy was trying to grab him again for another slam, but
Sampson had caught up to T-Boy's fighting style and tripped the both of
them on the floor.

There was no slamming if you were already on the floor. I wanted to applaud
Sampson for his quick thinking, but all of a sudden, they were at it
again. T-Boy seemed to be a dirty fighter. I watched in angst as T-Boy bit
Sampson hard on the left shoulder. Sampson squirmed with this sensation
that sounded well it sounded like he was having an orgasm.

"Hit that motherfucker!"

"Get him."

"Oh!"

The crowd was going crazy. They had come to see a movie and they ended up
seeing real life drama. I watched puzzled as I tried to look for a way to
break through the crowd.

Sampson plied his brother's mouth off of his shoulders and I wasn't clear
what happened, but I think he gave T-Boy a head-butt. T-Boy seemed to think
that was what Sampson did, because he did it back in return.

"I'm calling the cops," I suddenly heard the old lady say.

She picked up her big ass granny cell phone (you know the type) and fixed
her glasses towards it.  This bitch was fucking irritating the shit out of
me.

I slapped the cell phone out of her hand, suddenly. I didn't know what had
come over me. All I knew as that I couldn't let Sampson get into trouble,
especially when he was most likely fighting T-Boy on my behalf. The old
lady seemed to have a heart attack when I slapped the phone. I was so
annoyed with her that I had the right mind to kick her phone across the
hall as well, but I knew I had to get Sampson out of there.

I broke through the crowd with the only method I knew how. I pushed, shoved
and kicked my way through the mob of instigators and observers. Some people
hit back, but the way I was moving, it was hard to even notice. I made my
way through the center of where most of the action was taking place. Three
flashlight security guards were there. One was holding onto Sampson and the
other two were actively trying to comprehend T-Boy.

I moved quickly and before I could think, I was punching the security guard
who was holding a weak, battered and bloody Sampson. I hit him hard. I
didn't understand how hard I had hit the guy until I saw him fall down like
a featherweight in the ring with Tyson.

"Sampson, come on," I said, trying to help him up.

"Shit I I can't just "

I knew what he was saying. He couldn't just leave T-Boy there to get
arrested and get taken all the blame. No matter what though, I just
couldn't Sampson get in trouble. In the past, too many people were blamed
for the shit that I did. I had to do something now.

"Monica, get him out of here. Shane, lets get T-Boy."

I basically threw Sampson at Monica. The security guards had been looking
around to see who I was talking to when I asked for Shane's help while
taking a few steps towards them and a comprehended T-Boy. They had T-Boy
pinned to the ground. Fuck I didn't want to help them I didn't want to hit
any more innocent people too, but the fact was Sampson couldn't get in
trouble no matter what I had to do.

I took a couple more steps towards then and noticed Shane lunging from the
crowd. Shane and I had beat up many a guy's ass especially when Shane got
drunk. Shane was quiet, but he definitely seemed to be the wild type if
given reason. He took one of the security guards and tossed them with
strength that only a little giant like himself to muster. I found myself
taking that opportunity to trip the other security guard, who fell to the
floor with a heavy thud.

Shane picked T-Boy up over his shoulder, even though I think T-Boy was able
to walk, and began to move out towards a back exit. Shane was so damn
strong that it was almost unbelievable.

"C'mon Syn."

"Yeah I'm coming."

I looked around. I had to make sure that Sampson was ok first. Neither
Monica nor Sampson was in sight. I knew Monica had already left and was
probably taking Sampson home. I just prayed that they were safe, but then
what right did I have to pray after I just assaulted innocent people. I
realized that even though Shane was making his escape with T-Boy and Monica
probably already left with Sampson, there was still a crowd. Everyone was
still looking and staring at me. I guess Dr. Lopez and I were right. When I
walked into a room, everyone seemed to stare

"You've been 'Punk'd'!" I declared loudly and immediately finding it funny
that in my second or two of fame and that was the only thing I could come
up with.

"Syn!" I heard Shane calling, but I couldn't see where he was with the
crowd and his voice seemed distant which meant he was probably out of the
door of the movie theater.

"Go!"

I knew cops were piling into the place and I knew Shane was going to do
what I said even though he hadn't said anything after I told him to
leave. I also knew that the only way to make sure this wasn't going to come
back to bite Sampson or T-Boy for that matter was if I stayed to take the
rap for it. I figured that just in case one of those security guards that
Shane and I attacked were seriously injured then they would want to press
charges. I'd rather the charges be pressed against me then against Sampson,
Shane and even for that matter T-Boy.

"Great, the bandwagon is here," I said as someone from the crowd pointed me
out as the cause of all the trouble.



I had spent the night in jail. At first I was afraid. I felt like I was
being taken away to hell or something. I guess with a name like Syn, the
feeling just was natural. The police had asked me what happened that night
and the names of everyone involved, but I told them I had caught a sudden
case of amnesia. They definitely didn't want to hear that shit. The cops
were rough as hell with me too, which made me feel even more afraid of them
then the fucking guys in the large cell that they threw me in.

The cell had the smell of piss, sweat and liquor. I looked around. The
overnight cell was full of drunks, thugs and there was even this one
transvestite prostitute who seemed to be both a thug and drunk. For some
reason, I felt a little too comfortable around all these weird faces. The
comfort level was unsettling because it almost felt like I belonged there
in that jail or something.  No that was crazy, but my inmates in the cell
weren't roughhousing me like the cops outside of the cell.

"Hey what you in for?"

I turned around to see this boy. He sat next to me on the bench. He had
this look on his face that was almost like innocent. It was weird because
he sort of reminded me of Sampson. He had Sampson's skin tone, but this
guy's hair was a little bit longer. Either way, this guy definitely didn't
seem like he belonged in any overnight jail cell.

I smiled as he sat yeah, I was way too comfortable with these jailbirds. I
replied, "I actually beat up this security guard who was fucking with my
boyfriend."

The way I had said it made him laugh. It had sort of made me laugh a lot
too. I mean, I still hadn't really considered myself "gay" and Sampson
"definitely" wasn't my boyfriend, but it didn't stop the fact that I
referred to him as such and none-the-less told a complete stranger about
it.

"What you caught them in bed together?"

Oh, now I see why he was laughing.

"No, no. You got the wrong idea," I explained, "He was fucking 'with' my
friend, not fucking him."

I fixed the term now to friend. The boy seemed alert to me, but there was
this hint sense of drunkenness over him. He laughed a little bit more after
he realized how he had mixed up the idea of what I was saying. This time, I
didn't laugh with him. I just sort of smiled. Though he was a little on the
dumb end, it was nice to have company after sitting in the cell for almost
3 hours.

"Where's your boyfriend now?"

"Well I had meant to say friend. My friend is probably at home or he would
be in this cell with the rest of us. He's probably been calling the station
all night to try to get me out, but they said I had to stay
overnight. Don't I get a phone call?"

"A phone call. Haha. This must be your first time. Bushwick cops turned
that into a myth a long ago."

Something interested me about what he said.

"So ah, this isn't your first time here?"

"Nah, I'm a regular."

He didn't look like it. He didn't look like someone who got locked up all
the time. He had this charming little smile to him. He definitely didn't
fit the description.

"Why are you in jail?" I asked bluntly. I didn't hesitate to ask because
basically I had this superman complex going after one-hitting those
security guards back at the cinema.

"Lets just say, I help guys out. Just like me and you "

"You're a prostitute."

"I'm an escort," he quickly fixed.

I turned my head a little. I definitely didn't know the difference and as
far as I was concerned there were none. It felt weird that he was a male
escort for other men, but I didn't stress it. I mean with all the American
Gigolo things going on, I knew there had to be some truth behind the male
prostitutes.

He suddenly broke the silence that had followed after his little
'confession'.

"What? You don't want to talk to me anymore? Don't tell me you are one of
those people."

"What no," I said looking real defensive.

Truth was that I was one of those people. In that second of silence, I was
completely intimidated.  The life that he led kind of scared me. The boy
looked around my age, probably a little older and probably a little
younger. I kept wondering how he could have possibly become so involved in
this life.

"My name's Byron."

Byron it was actually a nice name. It sounded familiar, but not too
familiar. He reached his hand out for me to shake it. I thought about
it. After all the people who had judged me and all of the shit that I been
through, I was able to almost feel humble to anyone. I couldn't judge him.

I shook his hand, "My name's Syn."

"Syn? Crazy name. Did your parents like you much?"

He laughed as he did it and I guess I wasn't too annoyed since I didn't
believe my parents liked me much anyway.

"Well, I'll never know, they are dead now," I told him with this clearly
meaningless _expression.

"Oh um I'm sorry."

He looked down and then I quickly added, "Its alright so, Byron. You don't
look like the escort type."

He smiled, almost like I had given him a compliment. He had this body that
was real swimmer like. I could already imagine the ripples in his chest
when his shirt wasn't off. I mean; he was very attractive despite the whole
escort thing.

"A lot of people say that," he said suddenly and then looked me in my eyes,
"It's a long story how I became one. I used to be real wealthy and actually
real respected. I guess I wanted too much power, but lets just say fate is
never supposed to be fucked with. I learned my lesson."

"You believe in fate?"

He shrugged at let out a deep sigh, "I like to believe that fate kicked my
ass and that is the reason why I'm in this dopey ass business now. I could
never really know though.  How about you?"

"I want to believe in it too."

"You probably want to get laid don't you?" he questioned and eagerly put on
this interesting _expression, "I know that feeling. You think its love and
you think its fate but its not. Just settle for fucking him."

The way he said it was almost like he was trying to convince himself more
then he was trying to convince me. I had never told him anything to make
him believe that my wanting to believe in fate had anything to do with
falling in love with a guy. Truthfully thinking about Sampson, maybe he was
right but my mind wasn't anywhere near there at the moment.

I gave him my confused look, "Ok um I guess.

"You know what you have to do right? You just have to go up to him looking
your best and touch him. If he doesn't respond, keep touching him and keep
touching him until he does. Then you got to "

"Ok, ok thanks for the advice "

Byron definitely was a strange one, but I could understand it because he
seemed to have a long and hard past. He definitely didn't want to talk
about it because I kept trying to bring it up as the night on. He just kept
telling me not to fuck with fate or whatever. He definitely had a lot of
advice to give about how to approach a guy too. At one point I had asked
him how to approach a straight guy and he told me that if the guy was
straight, I would just have to let the straight guy know I was gay and wait
for him to approach me.

I figured that was a fair enough deal as far as Sampson was
concerned. T-Boy had basically told his brother that I was gay. I mean he
sort of did. I just had to talk to Sampson alone. I had to let him know
some things. I wasn't sure exactly what yet, but I just had to talk to him.



The next day came around and I finally got my call. I used it to call Dr.
Lopez. It felt nice talking to her. I told Byron about the whole issue with
Dr. Lopez and he sort of thought that I was a little crazy for having a
shrink. I actually ended up giving Byron Dr. Lopez's number just in case he
needed some help. I don't know; I just figured that she could do a lot with
a person like him and I was always promoting Dr. Lopez when I got the
chance. Dr. Lopez seemed cool and confident when I called her. It was sort
of like she was my backbone. She said that Ms. Nicole had already contacted
her and they both were on their way to the station to see what the deal
was.

I had waited in the cell for a while and before I knew it Byron was ready
to leave. It was weird because we actually had a good time in jail. I mean;
it definitely wasn't as bad as I had heard from all those television shows
or what not.

"I guess I'll be seeing you around," I said still not quite sure if that
would actually be true.

"Ugh I'll come visit you sometime."

He looked at me with a charming smile and I just laughed back.

"You don't even know where I live."

"I'll find you, some day!"



He was funny. I watched as he walked away. There went my jailhouse buddy. I
always made friends with the weirdest people and somehow they always
managed to be the friendships that lasted the longest.

It wasn't long before Ms. Nicole and Dr. Lopez came. They arrived together,
which I understood since Dr. Lopez had went to pick Ms. Nicole up. I was
however a little confused on why Sampson hadn't come as well. The thought
came to me that maybe he didn't want to be around me after the thing with
T-Boy. I mean; he probably was definitely suspecting that I had a crush on
him since T-Boy put me in the spotlight yesterday. Maybe he just didn't
want to be near me anymore, but then why did he fight T-Boy? I wasn't
exactly there when the fight started and there was a chance that the fight
had completely nothing to do with me. Too much confusion

The good news, however was that the security guards had not been injured
and so all the charges were being dropped. I found myself lucky on getting
off with only one day in jail. I wanted to talk to the security guards and
apologize to them, but Dr. Lopez said that if I wrote a note to them, she
would make sure that they got it.

With that Dr. Lopez decided to drop Ms. Nicole and I back to the
brownstone.  Ms. Nicole just smiled the entire time while Dr. Lopez tried
to talk to me about what happened. I definitely wasn't saying anything
though because Ms. Nicole was right there and I think Dr. Lopez caught up
to that sooner or later because she stopped pushing for me to speak.

As Dr. Lopez dropped us off and let Ms. Nicole and I out, she quickly said,
"Syn, I want you to come see me tomorrow."

"Sure, Doc. I'll be there."

I wanted to talk to her probably more then she wanted to talk to me. I
couldn't wait. I just looked at the brownstone as I began to approach it. I
was waiting for Sampson to come out, probably wave or probably just stand
there with his hands in his pockets like he normally did. There really
wasn't anything though. As soon as we got in the house Ms. Nicole kept
asking me if was hungry and when I said no enough times, she let me go.

I found my way up the stairs, hoping to see Sampson. The hallway was dark,
even though it was broad daylight outside. There was a figure standing by
the ends of the corridor, in the place that light couldn't really touch.

"Sampson is that you?"

It was silence and as I moved closer, the figure came out closer to me. I
looked into the eyes of T-Boy well I sort of looked into one eye because
the other eye had a patch over it.

"Its actually me," T-Boy said, in an unusual calm manner.

"Great " I said, with this hopelessness in my voice. If this whole 'getting
arrested' thing wasn't a bitch enough, now he was here.

"I I wanted to talk to you?"

"What?" I asked.

"Yeah what?" I heard a voice say.

I looked over the corridor and saw Sampson. He emerged from his room. His
face didn't look as swollen or what not as T-Boy, but Sampson was limping a
lot. I had also immediately noticed how his left arm was a bit stiff,
probably because it was the spot that T-Boy had slammed him.

Damn this wasn't good. I didn't want anymore drama, but it seemed sort of
impossible since we were all in the same space like this.

"Actually I wanted to talk to Syn alone," T-Boy with a tone that sounded
almost sincere almost

"Fuck you man. Syn come here. Don't talk to that cunt."

Funny vocabulary. Cunt.

"Sampson, I know I been acting weird for a while, but I'm still your
brother."

"Brother? Oh, you're my brother!"

Sampson looked pissed, but he seemed to also sound like he had something he
wanted to say to T-Boy for a long time that was getting off my chest.

"I am your brother even though there was the adoption thing "

Adoption thing? I wanted to butt in and ask what adoption thing, but a part
of me knew that anything that I said would probably be followed by me
taking advantage of T-Boy's physical state and beating his ass since I most
likely couldn't when he was 100%.

"Fuck you man! Even after I was adopted, you still didn't treat me like a
brother. I've known Syn for a week and I feel closer to him then I ever
will to you."

"I'm trying man dammit!" T-Boy said, going back into his defensive tone, "I
am trying with you and I am trying with Syn but this fag he just "

"Fag?" I asked, taking a few steps towards him.

I was going to give him the biggest beat down his ass ever received. I was
looking at the eye that wasn't swollen with a patch over it. I wondered how
he would like to go from 20/20 vision to 20/40 vision just because of one
word.

"You know if he wanted to beat your ass right now, I would probably help
him!" Sampson barked looking outraged, probably sensing my intentions.

T-Boy turned to me, "Damn, I didn't mean it. I'm sorry it just keeps
slipping I uh "

He seemed to be stuck with words. My mouth had dropped open and I still
couldn't believe he was calling me a fag after he just seemed to want to
'sincerely' talk to me.  I looked at T-Boy and I was pretty sure that he
was either confused or just normally fucked up in the head.

"You got the nerve to call him a fag after he saved you yesterday?" Sampson
asked with a lot the amount of ferocity that would have been expected from
me.

"Fag?!" I barked.



I still couldn't believe he had called me that fucking word. I knew I
wasn't making matters any better by getting stuck in that one part of the
conversation, but it the word hurt.

"I said I was sorry, what the fuck do you want from me?"

"I want to see you as embarrassed as he probably was yesterday! You have
the nerve to call him a fag after what you wrote about him?"

I had suddenly gotten quite. I was sort of getting turned on watching
Sampson badger his brother on my behalf even though there was a point where
I was almost sure that he'd been wanting to do it for a while, but was just
using me as an excuse. The conversation was getting interesting and even
though I was beginning to feel bad for T-Boy because Sampson was screaming
hard into his face. T-Boy was trying his best to keep his cool.

"What did he write about me?" I asked, in a sort of way that reminded me
about Monica and T-Boy asking me about how I felt about Sampson.

T-Boy all of a sudden looked like he saw a ghost. Even though dark skinned,
his complexion seemed to be paling up quickly. His mouth dropped open. He
just stared at his brother with this sort of horrible fear. I looked at
Sampson and saw the complete menacing smile on his face.  What was going
on?

"Well after you moved in and Tommy started acting strange, I began to
wonder what went on between you and him," Sampson told me but all the while
staring at T-Boy, "So one day I went to go talk to Tommy, except he wasn't
in the room. So I turned to leave and as I left, I tripped on a box. The
box tipped over and a whole lot of letters fell out. There must have been
20 "

T-Boy stepped forward, "I fucking hate you I swear, I fucking HATE YOU!"

Sampson ignored him, " 20 letters. I didn't mean to read them, but I
noticed that all of them had 'Syn' labeled on them. So I picked one up. In
them he confessed his growing love for you.  Some of them even seemed to be
recent. The letters weren't just love letters they were almost obsessive."

"You fucking bastard!"

I watched as Tommy took a lunge forward toward Sampson, but I quickly
jumped between them to prevent Sampson from getting hurt or anything. Tommy
looked at me and then looked at his fist. He let out the loudest growl I
ever heard and ran to his bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

I just looked at the door. Love letters? T-Boy had been writing me recent
love letters? The shit didn't make sense. I mean he more then hated me
since I moved into the house. If he had love letters when why come that
night that I had told him I was in love with him, he just turned his face
to me.

Wait if Sampson found those letters

"So you knew I had feelings for other boys?" I asked Sampson.

"Yeah, I sort of did."

It was an awkward moment and then out of thin where, I felt him lean into
me. He leaned into me hard and let our bodies hug. This was an actual
hug. It wasn't one of those 'buddy' tap-on-the-back type hugs. He hugged me
like how you would do a long lost friend or how you would do a lover.

"Damn where did that coming from?"

He pulled back with the widest stare. I wasn't mad that the hug happened,
but I was just caught a little off guard. He seemed happy and extremely
almost jubilant about the whole thing.

"I just wanted to thank you for yesterday," Sampson explained, a little
emotional, "I mean, no one's ever really cared like you care. I didn't
remember a lot, but a lot of calls came from people to tell me what you
did."

"Are you feeling ok after yesterday?" I asked, noticing his left arm, "I
thought you did come pick me up from the police station because you were in
pain."

"No I'm fine. My mother actually wouldn't let me get out of bed to go to
the police station since I was sore. You know I would have come for you,
right?"

"Yeah but you said mother. Before you said adopted. I didn't know you were
adopted?"

Sampson looked at me and then took me by my hand pulling me into his room.
He shut the door behind him, probably because I think Ms. Nicole was prying
the halls downstairs (as she usually did trying to be nosy). I definitely
didn't mind being in Sampson's room, not at all.

"I wanted to tell you about the adoption earlier, but Ma doesn't like me
talking about it," Sampson said, a little hesitant, "Ma's husband died a
little after Tommy's 10th birthday. She decided to adopt me as a sort of
reminder of her husband. Till this day, she says we have the same eyes."

"Oh "

I didn't know what to say. It wasn't something to say, "I'm sorry" because
there was nothing to be sorry about. It wasn't much to say about it. It
would explain why Sampson looked completely different from T-Boy, but that
was about it. All I knew was that, Ms.  Nicole's husband must have had some
nice eyes.

"Yeah Tommy and I never really acted like brothers," Sampson further
explained, "I mean I would rather you as my brother any day of the week."

"Uh thanks "

He would rather me as his brother. What the hell did he mean by that? I
didn't want to be his fucking brother. I wanted to be his lover. I wanted
to lean in to him right now and kiss the shit out of him. I wanted this so
much that I had been sucking on my lower lip for the past 10 minutes
imagining it was Sampson. Why the hell would I want to be his brother? I
wouldn't beat up security guards and risk charges pressed on me for my
fucking brother. Hey I wasn't a family guy

"Yeah, I don't even know how to thank you for what you did yesterday?"

I knew a way

"Aw, its ok. I mean you did stand up to me against T-Boy."

"Well, I kind of had a score to settle with Tommy already but him
disrespecting you just sort of topped it all off," Sampson admitted and
then he seemed stuck, "And I "

"And you what?"

"I sort of "

There was this great awkwardness. The longer we stood standing there, the
more awkward it seemed to becoming. I wasn't sure if we generally didn't
have anything else to say or if we did have something to talk about but we
just chose not to.

"Oh I see I should go."

I had to be alone. I turned away and walked away. I know that Sampson had
tried to call me back, but I wasn't really paying attention enough to hear
what he said. Matter of fact, I was almost sure he had reached out to grab
me, but I shook away. I just had to be alone.  There was a lot of shit that
I had to think about.

They said a man wasn't supposed to cry, but I had this feeling all of a
sudden. I mean; I wasn't sure if it had to do with T-Boy's exceptionally
bad behavior lately or the feeling that I was getting too close to
Sampson. I had so many emotions on my mind.



"What are you trying to say, Syn?"

I was back in Dr. Lopez's office the next day.

"I'm just trying to say that maybe I still have an attraction to T-Boy."

It was a sensitive issue, but I was sure. It had been 14 hours and 13
minutes since I started to think about T-Boy romantically again. Shane had
called me later that night, but just to see if I was alright. He told me
that after they had come home, T-Boy seemed worried about me a lot. It had
made me think that maybe he didn't hate me as much as I thought.

"Is it because you found out about those unsent letters?"

"Sort of."

The unsent letters really that Sampson had told me about were a lot of the
reason. Why would T-Boy right me love letters and never send them? I began
to think over the subject.

"I think that T-Boy may have been suppressing his feelings. He may have
felt hard to express his love for another man. The unsent letters
definitely showed that he had feelings for you. However, I am worried "

"Why? I mean it's a good thing right? I mean the feelings were mutual then.
This means that I don't have misplaces emotions."

"Perhaps, but T-Boy may be the one with misplaces emotions."

I sighed. The human mind was so complicated.

"How is that?"

"When you love someone, you let it show. That is a basic principle of
relationships. The fact that T-Boy went to so much to conceal it shows that
he may be a complicated individual. You may push him away with
straight-forwardness. I think instead of approaching him on the situation,
give him time to approach you. In fact, try to avoid personal conversation
with him for a little while. Give him time to think about some issues. It
couldn't hurt."

"Ignore him?"

"Well yes, for lack of words."

"What about Sampson?"

"What about him?"

"I still feel something for him as well. I mean that can't be good right?"

"Which of the two would you rather, just for the sake of knowing?"

I paused. That was a hard thought. They were so different. Over a few
hours, I had become so enthralled in T-Boy that I almost forgot all of the
terrible things he did to me. I couldn't just throw away the feelings that
I had for T-Boy in the past, because when we were together (sort of
together) it felt so nice. It had felt so good. Sampson however had been
there the entire time and he seemed to care about me.

"I don't know. Even though it should be Sampson I just don't know."

"What made you say that it 'should' be Sampson?"

I laid back on the futon. The feelings were so complicated. My thoughts
were so mixed that it was hard to kind of put them together. Dr. Lopez made
me feel like I just couldn't have a thought, but I had to realize what
chain of events made me lead up to this thought.

"He protected me against T-Boy. He showed me friendship. He showed me
affection but he scares me."

"What about him scares you? The fact he might not be gay?"

I looked around, "No, not exactly."

"What then?"

"I just get real shaken up staying around him alone. It's strange. I just
get real uncomfortable around him. With T-Boy I was always comfortable when
we were on good terms, but with Sampson I am always on edge. We get along
fine, but there's a lot of awkwardness. Why do you think that is, Doc?"

"Well I dunno Syn. It could be you really don't know Sampson as well as
T-Boy. It could also be you are naturally attracted to T-Boy. Have you ever
had the thought that maybe your attraction to Sampson was because you were
on the rebound of T-Boy? I mean they are brothers "

"They are adopted brothers "

"Well, growing up together, they would have some kind of similarities in
personality, speech and may even have similar smells. Maybe you were just
attracted to Sampson because he was so much like T-Boy."

"I don't believe you, they are way too different."

I was taking it really personal. The fact that I could have just been
attracted to Sampson because he reminded me of T-Boy seemed irrational even
if it 'did' come from Dr.  Lopez. It wasn't just irrational, but it was
irritating that Dr. Lopez would even try to implant that suggestion into my
mind.

"Well, it was just a thought. I just give thoughts from analyzing the
situation. You have the choice to choose what you believe. Syn you
understand?"

"Yes, I understand. I know you are just here to help. I just get
sensitive."

"Well, this is a sensitive matter, especially among teenagers. Another
thought that I had was that perhaps the reason why you are uncomfortable
around Sampson was because he was uncomfortable around you."

"Too much," I explained suddenly, making an uncomfortable smile, "Maybe we
should stick to talking about those unsent letters."

Besides there was no way that Sampson was uncomfortable around me. I mean
most of the time we did talk to just one another, but lately it was
becoming more and more strange.  Yesterday I had just walked out on us
talking. Things were definitely becoming more and more uncomfortable around
the two of us. It was becoming more and more tense around us. I could feel
that I was just getting uncomfortable being alone with Sampson.

It couldn't have been because he was uncomfortable around me though.

Could it?