Date: Sat, 5 Nov 2016 04:03:28 +0000
From: Roe St. Alee <roesaintalee@hotmail.com>
Subject: How I Got Carter 22

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How I Got Carter, Chapter 22

------- ------- ------- -------


I should have known better.


I stayed up extra late last night and didn't even play video games.  I
worked on my English homework like I was supposed to.  I practiced my
presentation and worked out exactly what I was going to say today in class.


Apparently, no one else puts the same amount of importance on English
homework that I do.


When Mr. Boyle announced for the first group to get up in front of the
class, they looked terrified.  As he looked around the room, he didn't see
a lot of confidence.  So he decided to give us an extra ten minutes to
practice with our groups.


I like being an overachiever, but I like sleeping, too.


I fish the notes I need out of my backpack and make my way back to the back
corner of the room to where the other two girls in my group sit.  I grab
the empty desk in front of them and take a seat.


"It's not going to happen."


"Don't worry, you still have time."


Jen looks up at me and flashes an apologetic smile.  I'm interrupting their
conversation, but it's not like I have any choice.


"I've been dropping hints all week," Rachael says, "but he hasn't done
anything."


"Ugh," Jen rolls her eyes.  "That makes two of us.  Tyler's been avoiding
me all week."


Rachael shrugs.  "Maybe he's nervous because he's going to ask you."


"Or he's not going to and he wants to be as far away as possible when he
asks some other girl."


Rachel turns to me now.  "Sorry, Jackson.  Winter Dance stuff," she says.
"Be glad you're a boy."


Jen gives me a dirty look, but not in a serious way.  "Yeah, you get to ask
whoever you want," she says.  "We have to sit around and drop hints,
waiting for these oblivious boys to get it together and ask us."


If she only knew.


Our school's Winter Dance is a few weeks away, and it's pretty much all the
school is talking about.  You can hardly walk to your next class without
witnessing five proposals in the hallway.  I'm not surprised it's on Rachel
and Jen's minds.


"Do you know who you're going with?" asks Rachael, turning to me.


"Um..."


I can feel my cheeks getting hot.  I've been fairly successful at not
thinking about the Winter Dance, and I'd prefer to keep it that way.


"I'm not sure yet," I say, hoping they'll leave it alone.  Needless to say,
my situation makes it complicated.  At this point my plan was to stay home
and pretend it's not happening.


"You have plenty of time," says Jen.  She lowers her voice and leans in
closer.  "Judging by the rate at which Tyler and Ben are operating, at
least."


I can't help but laugh at the way she says it.  I know Jen from Drama Club,
and she actually reminds me a little bit of Katy.  Same sense of humor and
a similar tendency to be dramatic about things, but mostly for comedic
effect.


Rachael is one of her best friends, and while I don't know her quite as
well, we've all had English class together since our freshman year.


 "I'm sure they'll figure it out," I offer.


That earns me a pair of eye rolls.  Boys are dumb sometimes.  You won't
hear me arguing.


"So do you know who you're going to ask?" asks Jen.


It's an innocent enough question, but I was secretly hoping they wouldn't
ask it.


"Not... not really," I say.


Jen and Rachael exchange a look.  It's like one of Katy's looks.  I can
tell that it means something, but I'm not sure what.  It's in that secret
best friend language that so many girls seem to have.


"What?" I ask.


They look at each other again and then back at me.


"What?" I ask again.  I'm equal parts amused and annoyed.  It's so obvious
that they have something else to say.


"Are you gay?" asks Rachael.


The shock of the question hits me and I instinctively start to put all my
defenses up.  I need to think fast to worm my way out of this one.


But then I stop.  I don't need to run away, or create a diversion, or
change the subject.  I can just answer her.  I can just say that I'm gay,
and I feel like it'll be fine.


Maybe it's the way she asked the question.  It was so neutral, like she
could be asking me what color ink I'm using in my notes or what page number
we should turn to in the book.  But maybe it's just me.  I haven't really
thought about being `out' at school in a while, figuring it would happen in
its own time.  I suppose that time is now.


"Yeah," I say, "I am.  So that makes it tough.  Not a lot of choices."


"I know, right?" says Jen without missing a beat.  "We were just talking
about that the other day - hypothetically, not about you.  But what options
do you even have?"


"I mean, there aren't that many people you even could go with," says
Rachael.  "Like, as a date," she corrects herself.


I shrug sheepishly.  "I honestly haven't even thought about it that much."


I almost have to laugh at myself for getting worked up about telling them
I'm gay.  I should have known the girls would be more worried about who I
want to go to the dance with than the fact that I'm not heterosexual.


"Well, if you don't find anyone to go with, you're welcome to tag along
with us," offers Rachael.


"Not that we have any idea what we're doing for it," says Jen.  "We'll
probably end up going..."


She looks at both of us with a confused look on her face.


"What?" asks Rachael.


"When a guy goes to a dance single it's called 'stag,' right?" asks Jen.


We both nod our heads.


"So what's it called when we get stuck going without dates?"


Rachel shrugs.  "I dunno.  Crone?"


Jen and I burst out laughing.


"Excuse me, Mr. Willard?"


Busted.


Our English teacher looks at me disapprovingly over the end of his reading
glasses.  His look conveys an unspoken `Shouldn't you be working on your
presentation?'


"Sorry," I mumble as I turn back to the girls.


Rachael and Jen lean in so we're quieter.


"Anyway," Jen says, "You're welcome to come with us one way or the other."


"And if either of us wind up going 'crone,'" Rachael says, "you can take
one of us as your date if you want."


"Oh, uh, thanks," I say.  I mean it.  That's nice of them to offer.


"But no pressure," she adds.  "With any luck we'll both have dates, but it
doesn't hurt if we're all each other's plan B if we need it, right?"


We all laugh again, but this time more quietly so that Mr. Boyle doesn't
notice.


We actually take a few minutes and talk about our English project.  It
turns out I wasn't the only one who did my homework, and both girls are
pretty much ready to go.  It's really just a matter of bringing our three
parts together.  After a few minutes of ironing out the details, Mr. Boyle
calls the class back to order and sends the first group up to give the
class an interpretation of the short story they were assigned.


I manage to stay with it for about half the presentation, but then my mind
starts to wander.


Jen and Rachael brought up a good point: Who am I going to the Winter Dance
with?


I wasn't lying when I told them I hadn't given it much thought up until
now.  But it's not because I don't care.  It's because I'm dreading it.


The obvious choice is to go with Katy.  We went together last year and had
a good time dancing and goofing off all night.  Only upperclassmen are
allowed to actually go, so it was a good excuse for her to bring me along
as a plus one.


The best part was how low the stakes were for both of us.  We didn't worry
about any of the usual drama that plagues people at school dances, we just
had fun.  While the entire school was completely wrapped up in who was
going with whom and what they were going to wear, Katy and I were scouring
thrift stores for a 'new' dress for her to wear.  That's how little we
cared, and it was awesome.


But this year is different now that Jeff is in the picture.  While he
hasn't officially asked Katy to the dance yet, it's a no-brainer.  And if
she goes with him it means they'll go in a big group with the basketball
kids.  So while I can take comfort knowing that Katy will be there, she's
not a valid option for who I can actually go with.


My next best option, at least from my perspective, would be going stag with
Ko.  It would be fun, but mostly because of how much he would hate it.
That would be amusing enough to sell me on the idea, but he wouldn't go for
it in a million years.  If I even bring it up with him he'll probably just
tell me to come over to his house and play video games instead.


Which, to be honest, doesn't sound that bad.


But here's the problem: I really want to go.


And let's up the ante on that problem, because I don't even have to mention
what I actually want to have happen.


I won't mention it, because it's impossible.  Completely impossible.  If
you tried to make a Venn diagram with what I want to happen on the left and
reality on the right, it wouldn't even be a Venn diagram.  It would be two
sad, awkward circles about sixty feet away from each other.


But even though there are about ten thousand reasons why it could never,
ever happen, I still want to go to the Winter Dance with Carter.


To start, it would basically mean coming out to everyone in the school.
That's a huge deal, and regardless of how Carter actually feels about me
and where this is all going, I wouldn't expect something like that to
happen.  Hell, I'm not sure that I'd want to be so public about it, much
less make Carter go through the same thing.  So I'll give him a pass on
that one.


But even if we just went as friends it would raise almost as many
questions.  If we were going with a big group of singles that would be one
thing.  If it was just the two of us, that's totally different, and kind of
weird.


Even to me that seems weird, and I'm the one who's over here fantasizing
about it.  You wouldn't be able to avoid some awkward speculation from the
rest of the school.


And if we wanted to throw a little cherry on top of all that, there's Beth.
There's no way she would let Carter get away with that.  Even with how
little they're hanging out now and how tenuous their relationship might
seem to Carter's friends, I'm sure she's going to lock him down for the
Winter Dance.  Anything else would be tantamount to a breakup, which Carter
still doesn't seem like he's ready to do.


So where does that leave me?  No Katy, no Ko, and no Carter.


Sam?


It would be a good excuse for him to go, and we would have a good time.
But it raises just as many questions as going with Carter would.  If you're
going to go stag, why choose to go with the only other openly gay guy in
the entire school?


Luckily I remember that I'm in the middle of English class before I let out
a huge sigh.


I guess I can wait a week or two and see how Jen and Rachael's plans work
out.  Plan B if we need it.


With the delay caused by everyone else's lack of preparation, we don't even
wind up presenting.  Us and two other groups get pushed back to tomorrow,
and by the time the bell rings I'm no closer to coming up with a good plan
for the Winter Dance than I was the last time it rang, at the beginning of
class.  I gather up my books and head into the halls.


I get to an intersection in the hallway and decide to take the long way to
class.  Next is a double period of Chemistry lecture, and I don't really
feel like sitting next to Carter with all this dance stuff so fresh in my
mind.  Even a couple extra minutes of walking around should be enough to
clear my head.


This route takes me through the fine arts part of the building, which is
where a lot of the sophomore homerooms are.  While they're only a year
younger than me at most, it still amazes me how much smaller the kids seem
up here.  Fifteen seems a lot younger than sixteen, or maybe it's just
another year of high school under your belt that makes you seem older.


I'm passing by the drama classroom when I see Sam grabbing a few books from
his locker.  I figure I still have a minute or two to kill before class, so
I move over to his side of the hallway and bump into him.


"Watch where you're going, sophomore," I say in my deepest, gruffest
sounding voice.


"You're not scary," Sam replies, without even turning around.


"What if I was going to beat you up and take your lunch money?" I ask, a
little disappointed that he didn't even flinch.  If you can't pick on kids
smaller than you, what's the point of high school?


Sam laughs and turns around.


"I would just curl up in the fetal position until you left me alone," he
says.  "I'm a lover, not a fighter."


I can't help but crack up.  Sam is on point with his jokes as usual.  The
best part is, that might actually be his defense mechanism of choice.  He's
not exactly big and tough, more small and cute.


"Actually it's lucky you're not here to beat me up, because I cannot be
late for History again," he says.


History's clear on the other side of the building, so even now Sam might be
cutting it close.  I better not keep him.


"I was just saying hi," I tell him.  "I'll beat you up next time."


"I'll grow out my fingernails," he says, swiping at me like a cat.


"Alright, dude," I say laughing, "I'll see you tonight."


Sam turns back to look at me and tilts his head to the side.


"What's tonight?" he asks.


I shake my head at him.


"You know what tonight is.  Do you want a ride?"


Sam pouts at me.  "Yeah, fine.  Pick me up at ten to six."


With that, he walks away in the direction from which I came.  We have our
end of season soccer party tonight, and for some reason Sam doesn't want to
come.  I know he was trying to, or possibly actually hooking up with Craig,
our soccer team captain.  I wonder if things got sour.  I can't think of
why else he wouldn't want to hang out.


I figure if Ko and I show up at his house to pick him up, he won't have
much of a choice.  It'll nice to get to hang out with him outside of
practice.  Between the play, wrapping up the soccer season, and all the
time I've been spending with Carter, I haven't seen much of Sam lately, at
least socially.


Not to mention, it might be a good opportunity to bring up the dance.  Even
if I don't ask him outright if he wants to come, I can at least plant the
seed and see if he's interested.


I reach the door of the Chemistry classroom and I vow that will be my last
thought about the Winter Dance, at least until after school.  Up until my
conversation with Jen and Rachael it was hardly on my mind at all, but now
I feel like I'm swept up in Dance fever like the whole rest of the student
body.


I'm not going to think about it.  I'm just going to go to Chemistry, learn
some science, and flirt with Carter.


If anything can take my mind off of everything else, it's him.


------- ------- ------- -------


"What is it we're doing again?" asks Sam, for maybe the fifth time.


I sigh and roll my eyes.  "It's the end of-"


"Yeah, I know," he says, "it's the end of season party.  But what are we
doing?"


"We do this every year," Ko interjects.  "Trust me, it's really fun."


I see Sam shaking his head in the back seat out of the corner of my eye.


"When I think 'fun,' I think 'roller skating party,'" he says.  He doesn't
make much of an effort to hide the sarcasm in his voice.


"It's not a roller skating party," I say.  "It's just... at the same place
where they have the roller skating parties."


All three of us laugh as I say it, and Ko takes a left turn into the
parking lot of the aforementioned 'place where they have the roller skating
parties.'


It's been a tradition for as long as anyone can remember, maybe ever since
Coach Finlan took over as the JV coach of our soccer program.


That could have been twenty years ago for all I know.  Regardless of when
it happened, the result is the same.  We have our team's end of the season
party at Roller Palace.


Roller Palace has been our town's dinky little skating rink for ages.  My
mom remembers skating there as a kid.  It's the family business for Coach
Finlan, and it's a huge point of pride for the guy to host our party.


Sam can be as sarcastic as he wants about it, but the end of season party
is awesome.  Coach gives everyone thirty dollars worth of game tokens, and
we get to play all the games we want.  We can trade in tickets for the
normal prizes he has, plus a bunch of ones that parents donate for us to
win.  He puts out tons of pizza and snacks, and opens up the bowling alley
and skating area for us to do whatever we want.  It's like a playground,
but for tweens.


The best part though, is the classic games.  The Finlans take pride in
their arcade, and most of the games are straight out of the 80s,
meticulously cared for by none other than Coach, and his father before him.


We're talking original arcade hits.  Pac-Man.  Whack-A-Mole.  Space
Invaders.  Frogger.  BurgerTime.  It's stuff you can't play anywhere else,
and most of them are still only 1 Token to play.  Needless to say, at least
some of us are excited for the party.


Ko parks his car, and the three of us hop out.  From the number of cars in
the parking lot it looks like most everyone is already here, but we see one
or two other stragglers coming in from the as we approach the front doors.


Almost late.  Pretty typical timing when Ko is involved.


When we open the front doors, I'm hit with the familiar cacophony of
sights, sounds, and smells.  Lights flash and alarms blare in every
direction, with a multitude of games practically screaming to get your
attention.  The odor of bowling alley blends nicely with that of popcorn.
It's a strange mix, but a staple of my childhood.


We check in with Coach at the prize area, collect our tokens, and hear a
little bit about the prizes we can win.  There's a really nice jacket with
our team logo on it that catches my eye plus a cool looking iPhone speaker
dock.  I wouldn't mind getting my hands on either of those, but I secretly
prepare myself to spend all my tickets on candy at the end of the night.


"Same plan as always?" asks Ko, stuffing his pile of tokens into his
pockets.


I shrug.  "I'm down if you are.  Sam?"


Sam raises his eyebrows at us.  "What plan is this?" he asks.


"We try to play every game in the arcade once," Ko explains.  "But we
compete against each other on every one."


"If you beat the other players, you get to keep all the tickets from that
game," I say.


"It should be even better with three people," Ko adds.


We both look at Sam expectantly, hoping he'll try it.  It makes it a lot
more fun, because you have to really crush it to keep the tickets from the
game.


"Alright, I'm in."


We stop in front of our first game, in the farthest corner of the arcade:
Whack-A-Mole.


I grab the whacker and line up in front of the machine.  This game isn't my
best, but it tends to spit out a good number of tickets.  I take a few deep
breaths and focus as Ko grabs a token out of my hand and puts it in the
machine.


The whole contraption erupts into life in an instant, blaring some circusey
tune and flashing multicolored lights.  Suddenly the first mole pops up and
I nail it with the mallet.  Another comes up, then another.  I thrash the
mallet in all directions, whacking mole after mole, only missing a handful
throughout the course of the game.


As the machine turns off, I check out my score.  210.


Not bad.


I grab the 21 tickets out of the base of game and step back to let Ko have
a shot.  He saunters up to the machine and feeds his token in.


As I move in next to Sam to watch, I look over at him.  He's totally
focused on the game, so he doesn't notice me check him out.  Not `check him
out,' but I take a look at him.  As usual, he's dressed impeccably, even
for a thing like this.  Well-fitted maroon corduroys with a slim gray
v-neck.  He's so thin, but he makes it look pretty good.


It's hard to believe he only came to our school a few months ago.  Maybe
it's because I see him so often at soccer practice, but it feels like he's
been around forever.  Part of it's the way he carries himself, though.  He
has a good sense of acting like he's been there, and never making himself
seem younger than the people around him.  It's probably because he's
switched schools a bunch.  I imagine he doesn't want to act like the new
kid all the time.


I can't help but smile a little bit when I think about that.  Sam came out
to me the first day I met him, and soon after that I found out why he was
switching schools.  I never would have guessed that from the first time I
saw him, the skinny little ginger kid coming by Nizen's class so I could
show him where the locker room was to get ready for soccer.


What would this year have been like if Sam hadn't shown up?


He gets a lot of credit with my own comfort in coming out to a few more
people.  He makes it seem so easy and natural, and isn't afraid to be
freely out in school, which doesn't seem to have slowed him down at all
socially.


And that's not the only way he's helped me assert myself this year.  It was
amazing to hear how candid he was about blowing a bunch of guys at his old
school, and even wilder to have him tell us that he planned to do the same
thing here at ours.  And then he actually put his money where his mouth is,
so to speak.


It's weird to think of a blow job as changing my life, but maybe it did.
Something about Sam's confidence and camaraderie in doing what he did
empowered me.  I doubt I would have ever had the guts to make a move on
Carter if he hadn't done that.  My now familiar mantra, "bold action, bold
action, bold action."  He's the inspiration for that, his blowjob the
original `bold action.'


I'm taken back to the conversation I had this morning with Jen and Rachael.
I don't know what made me think of it, but suddenly I can't get it out of
my head.  I need to find someone to go with me to the Winter Dance.


If Sam's oral was the original, somehow wrangling Carter to go with me to
the dance would be the ultimate bold action.  But how the hell could I make
that happen?


Ugh.  You'd think being somewhere like an arcade would help me to forget
about that.  There are so many noises and distractions.  It's literally a
place filled with machines that are designed specifically to grab your
attention, and still I can't stop thinking about the dance.


I try to shake it off and get focused.  Winning these games is important
right now, not finding a date to the stupid dance.


Ko winds up beating me at Whack-A-Mole with a score of 240.  Sam is
terrible at it, and barely manages to get 150.  Ko grabs our tickets and
leads us to the next game.


We play a few more and each of us manages to win at least one of them.  For
everything he was saying earlier, Sam is having fun.  He didn't even
pretend to be bored when he killed us both at Jumpin' Jackpot.


The smell of pizza hits us, and we decide to take a break for some food
soon.  Next up is Skee Ball, then Super Skee Ball (which, as far as I can
tell, is the same game but with all the points multiplied by 1,000), and
then a break to grab some pizza.


The best part about Skee Ball is that we can all play at once, since there
are four of each game and the three of us are the only ones here right now.


While we line up and fish out our tokens, I start thinking about the damn
dance again.  I can't get it off my mind.  I finally decide that I have to
at least talk about it, if only to satisfy the urge and get it out of my
system.  There's no way I'll win Skee Ball if I'm all bottled up like this.


"You taking anyone to the dance?" I ask Ko.


He throws his head back and groans at the mere mention of it.


"Oh god, you too?" he asks.  "That's all anyone would talk about today."


Sam nods in agreement.  "Even a bunch of the underclassmen were," he says.


"Yeah," I admit, "some girls in English cornered me about it today."


Ko picks up his first ball and moves to the starting line.


"To answer your question, not a chance."


He tosses it right up the middle and sinks a 50-point shot.


"There is literally nothing I want to do less than go to that stupid
dance."


That answers that.  Just like I thought.  Looks like I won't be going with
Ko.


Sam and I line up and toss our first balls, then I turn to him while he's
grabbing his second.


"What about you?" I ask.


"I'm certainly not that opposed to the idea of the dance," he says.
There's something in his tone but I can't tell what it is.  Is it
disappointment that he isn't able to go unless an upperclassman takes him?


"I guess as a sophomore you can't-"


"No."


I freeze in my tracks.  Maybe that's not what he was implying.


"I won't go to the Winter Dance with you," he clarifies.


"Ouch," Ko mutters to himself as he throws another one of his balls.


Dang.  That's brutal.


I was trying to play it cool and build up to subtly hinting that Sam could
only go if he went with me, and then I'd ask if he really wanted to go, and
then I'd make a big show of realizing that he could just come with me as a
workaround.  But instead I've been sniffed out and turned down hard, in
front of Ko no less.


I decide to play dumb and cover my tracks.


"What?" I ask in disbelief.  "I wasn't asking if-"


"Yeah you were," Sam says, giving me a playful punch in the arm.  "You're a
pretty good actor, but not when it comes to boys."


I hold up my hands in confusion.


"Plus you're all red," he adds with a smile.


I feel my face get even hotter, and I lean down to get another ball to
throw.


"Ok, I was," I admit, "but I actually thought you might want to go."


"I kind of do," Sam replies, "and I'm flattered that you thought of me.
But I can't go to the Winter Dance with you."


"Why not?"


"Because you're going with Carter," he says.


I shank my throw high and to the left.  It clangs off the cage on the top
of the machine and drops back down into the 10-point slot.


"No I'm not," I say.  Why would Sam think I'm going to the dance with
Carter?  Obviously I would have told them if something like that was
happening.


"Why not?" Sam asks.  He tosses his ball up in air and catches it.


"Because he's..."


I trail off.  I know exactly where Sam's going with this, and I don't want
to give him the satisfaction.


"Because he's going with his girlfriend."  Sam takes the initiative and
finishes the thought for both of us.


I lean down to get another ball and stay there so Sam can't see the crushed
look on my face.  What an ass.  We both know exactly why Carter can't go to
the dance with me, I'm not sure why Sam feels like he has to rub my nose in
it.


"Hey now," Sam says lightly.  He steps up next to me and puts a hand on my
shoulder.  "I feel like you need to say it out loud sometimes.  You know
what's going on, you just need to admit it."


"Thank you," Ko says as he launches his second to last ball.  It hits a
100-point hole and the machine lets loose a siren wail.


The noise snaps me out of it and I stand back up.  I take a deep breath and
turn back to them.


"Ok," I admit, "you're both right.  Carter isn't going to the dance with
me, and it's because of his girlfriend.  Are you happy?"


"No!" they both say in unison.


I shrug my shoulders at them and throw my ball, way too hard.


"But you shouldn't be happy either," says Ko.


"He means you shouldn't be satisfied," Sam adds.  "Carter likes you,
there's no denying that.  But for some reason he's still hesitating."


"Yeah," Ko agrees, "you can't hesitate, noob!"


With that, he throws his last ball up in the machine and hits another 100.
He totally cleaned up on Skee Ball.  There's no way I'm going to beat him
now, especially with my angry, 10-point throws.  I chuck my next ball in
even harder.


"Can you at least try to get me some tickets?" Ko asks.


I laugh and it makes me feel a little better.  If Ko wants to get under my
skin, I'll get under his.


"You're a nice guy, Jackson," says Sam.  "Maybe a little too nice, and
that's why you're the best.  That's probably why Carter likes you in the
first place."


"Whatever," I say.


"He wouldn't be doing this if he didn't like you," Sam says.  "And you make
it easy for him, because you're such a nice, understanding guy.  But you
can't let your understanding get in the way of getting what you want."


It makes sense, but it doesn't really solve my problem.  If I flip out and
make demands, Carter will bail, and then I'm right back where I started.  I
throw another ball and manage to hit a 40, much to Ko's delight.


"So what do I do?" I ask.


Sam strokes his chin for a second and thinks.


"Here's the deal," Sam says, having apparently hit on a solution.  "Carter,
for whatever reason, can't take you to the Winter Dance.  And I guess you
can live with that."  He pauses, then adds, "I couldn't, but I am a
selfish, impatient person."


Ko and I both laugh, because it's true in a way.


"Carter can't take you to the dance," he says, "but he sure as hell can't
take Beth."


Ko nods and points his finger at Sam in agreement.


"So he won't go with me, but he can't go with Beth?"


"Exactly," says Sam.


Ko finally chimes in.  "He has to choose you, even if the two of you are
the only people who know about it."


They're right.  Damn it, they're always right.  Sam has a way of telling me
things like this.  Things I already know but have been trying to avoid
thinking about.  And Ko knows me way too well to let me fool myself.


Carter can't have it both ways.  I can't keep letting him have that escape
route, just in case he suddenly decides that I was some kind of mistake.
It's me hanging out on the line indefinitely while he gets to pick and
choose what he wants to do, whenever he's ready to do it.  It's not fair,
and I need to put an end to it.


As enlightening as this realization is, however, it just sort of makes me
want to cry.


Sam notices the sudden downturn in my expression and he softens his stance
a little.


"It's just something you need to think about," he says.


"I know," I admit.


"I'm sorry," says Sam.  "I wasn't trying to make you upset."  He looks
around as though he might find something to distract me.  "Skee Ball?" he
suggests, handing me my last ball.


I sigh and turn toward the machine.  I don't even feel like pissing off Ko
anymore.  Maybe we should table Super Skee Ball until after we get pizza.
That might make me feel better.


I take a step back to line up my throw, but bump into someone behind me.


"If you really want to feel better," Sam says softly into my ear, "I know
just the thing that might do it."


I pause and try to think of what he might mean.  He knows just the thing
that might do it...


I look up and see Ko cracking up, so I turn around to see what he thinks is
so funny.  Sam drops his hands to his side as soon as I see him, but not
fast enough that I miss what he had been doing.  He was moving his hand
back and forth in front of his mouth, miming a blowjob.  He wags his
eyebrows up and down suggestively at me.


"I will seriously throw this ball at your head," I say, trying to look
threatening, but my laughter gives me away.


As much as they lay into me about Carter, Sam and Ko are my friends.  It's
good that they have my back, and they always know how to cheer me up too.


"Is that your solution to everything?" I ask.


Sam shakes his head.  "Sometimes you have to use violence to solve
problems," he says, "but blowjobs do the trick like, ninety percent of the
time."


I toss my last ball and pull out the handful of tickets I managed to win.
I can't be mad at Sam.  He's just trying to help, and he can always make me
laugh by being his usual, ridiculous self.  I'm actually thankful to have
him around for stuff like this, since Ko isn't usually too interested in
trying to psychoanalyze me.


I turn to hand my tickets to Ko, but he shakes his head and points to Sam.
I look up at the scores in surprise.  I figured he would beat me, but Sam
actually beat both of us.  He's a Skee Ball natural.


"Pizza?" I suggest.


Sam and Ko both nod in agreement.  Looks like I wasn't the only one getting
hungry.


------- ------- ------- -------


"What do you think?" I ask.


Ko isn't usually the best person to ask about stuff like this, but I still
haven't come to terms with our conversation from earlier.  Now that Sam's
run off, he's the only other person to talk to.


Ko shrugs before throwing his ball.  We're back at Super Skee Ball, picking
up right where we left off.


"I think he's right," Ko says.


He turns around, for no other reason than to see the frown that appeared on
my face.


"Don't get all mopey about it," he says, laughing.  "But he's not wrong, ya
know?"


I nod in agreement, but I don't like it.


Ko rolls his eyes and turns back to the game.


"Dude, you'll be fine."


Ko sinks a 100,000-point ball to finish his game.  It's a decent score, but
nothing amazing.  If I can focus, I can beat him.


I line up my first shot and sink a 50,000.  Not a bad start.


"I think you'll be fine," Ko says. "I mean, I've been with people in way
crappier situations.  But I guess with less at stake," he adds.


I turn back to him and raise my eyebrow.  "Dude, all you care about is
what's on your stake."


Ko nods.  "Hell yeah, man."


I can see him grab his crotch in the corner of my eye and my burst of
laughter sends the next shot wild.


"You can't grab your dick in an arcade," I say.  "That's how you wind up on
one of those lists."


Ko laughs and I finish the rest of my game.  I wind up beating Ko with my
eighth shot, so I can afford to play aggressive on the last one, and I sink
another 100,000 for good measure.  He begrudgingly hands me his tickets and
we head over to the next game on our tour.


"Anyway, if you ever stop getting... `staked,' that's when you should get
worried."


"You think so?" I ask.


"For sure," Ko says.  "If he's hooking up with you, then he wants to be
with you.  If he answers when you call, then you have nothing to worry
about.  Everything else is just details."


If anyone would know how these things work when you're doing a causal
relationship, it's Ko.  He's been slightly involved with plenty of people,
but he's never actually gone for a girlfriend.  This is the kind of stuff
he has to deal with all the time.


I shake my head as I think about it.  How could you not get more involved?


"I don't know how you do it," I say.


Ko smiles.  "Usually with my cock."


"Gross," I respond.  "No, I mean like you have to deal with this every time
you're with anyone."


He shakes his head.  "It's not the same.  You like Carter."


"And you don't like all the chicks you get with?"


"I like them enough," he says.  "But you want something real with this
kid."  He thinks for a second.  "Don't you?"


"Yeah," I say without hesitation, but then I have to think about it.  Do I?


Do I want a relationship with Carter?


This has all happened so fast.  A year ago Carter was just this hot guy
that I knew from summer swim team.  Three months ago he was a boy that I
had a big crush on and drunkenly kissed at a party.  Now he's a guy I'm
hooking up with fairly regularly, but still won't commit because of his
girlfriend.  Do I want to try and turn him into the guy who's my boyfriend?


After everything we've done and how far we've gone together, I pretty much
have to.  Why wouldn't I?


He's the man of my dreams.  Hot, popular, smart, and fun to be around.
Half the girls in our school would probably jump at the chance to even get
as far as I have with Carter, much less to have him be their boyfriend.
And while we haven't quite `sealed the deal' yet as far as that goes, I'm
making progress.


"You don't sound very sure."


Ko's words bring me back to our conversation.


It isn't that simple.  This isn't an easy thing for either of us.  Carter
has plenty of reasons not to want to be in a relationship with me.  He
still doesn't seem confident with his sexuality, and whether he's gay or bi
it's not an easy thing to figure out.  It's not just a change for him, but
for his friends and family, and then of course his girlfriend.


Ugh.  Even thinking of Beth puts a bad taste in my mouth.  That's the
nagging thing that I can't push out of my head.  Beth.


It's one thing to keep your options open, but usually that means staying
single and avoiding commitment, not staying in an entirely different
relationship.  Not only that, but a relationship he doesn't even seem to
like very much in the first place.  From day one Carter's done nothing but
complain about Beth, and for some reason he won't take that final step and
end it once and for all.


My phone vibrates in my pocket and I pull it out to check my messages
instead of responding to Ko's looming question.  He probably imagines that
he stumped me with that one, and he's already playing the basketball game
we've stopped in front of.  He can think whatever he wants for the time
being.


It's a Snap from Sam.


I pull up the app and wait for it to load.  A photo.  I tap it to check-


Holy shit!


It's a cock.  And it looks like a pretty nice one.


Why is he sending me this?


Not that I'm closing it.  I get a full ten seconds to look at this thing,
and I'm damn well going to enjoy it.  It doesn't look like Sam's (from what
I've seen sneaking a few glances in the locker room after soccer practice).


After we ate a few slices of pizza, Ko and I rallied up for the second half
of our arcade tour, but Sam had other plans.  He gave me all the tickets he
had won - Ko was not thrilled with that - and took off.  He said he'd see
us later, but didn't give any more details than that.  I was going to grill
him for more info, but he took off before either of us could really
respond.


Another Snap arrives, and I glance up to make sure Ko is still fully
focused on his game.  He got enough baskets in the first round to get
another 30 seconds on the clock.  He won't be paying any attention to me
for a while.


Another photo.  I look around to make sure no one else is walking around
near me and I open it.


This time it's not just the cock from the first picture, but Sam's lips
around it, buried about halfway down the shaft.


I contemplate taking a screenshot, but decide against it, instead just
savoring it for the ten seconds it gives me.  I can feel a throbbing in my
underwear, and I'm glad I chose to wear briefs tonight.  Even under jeans
you'd probably be able to see a good sized lump if I was wearing boxers.


"Yo, you're up!"


I gasp as Ko jams a basketball into my stomach.  I slip my phone into my
back pocket and move up to the machine.  I look up at the game and try to
clear my mind.


Don't think about Sam sucking a cock.  Don't think about Sam sucking a
cock.  Don't think about Sam sucking-


"You have to put money in it."


I look back at Ko and he's cracking up.  I worry for a second that he knows
what I'm looking at, but that's impossible.  He must just think it's funny
that my cage is so rattled I can't even remember how arcade games work.  I
pop in two tokens and wait for everything to light up.  I slap the start
button and get ready to make some baskets.


I feel a vibration in my pocket.  I just got a message.


The machine springs to life and I start shooting the balls.  I make one,
then miss one.  Make another then miss two.  Sam is sucking someone off
right now and sending my pictures of it.  I miss another one.


"Come on, noob!  Get it together," Ko says.


I can't think about that.  I can't think about the boner trying to push its
way out of my pants, or the hot photos that Sam is sending me, or how I
want to hook up with Carter, or anything like that.  I just need to play
basketball.


The machine stops, and the gate comes down to keep the balls from coming
through the return.  I look up at my score.  Pathetic.


"Dude, I wanted to win, but I don't want you to suck this bad."


Ko grabs the few tickets that the machine spit out and and adds them to his
pile.  He looks like he has about two hundred.  I might have twenty.


"Sorry," I say, "I'm just, uh, not on my game tonight."


"Beating you doesn't help me if you don't win any tickets me to steal,"
says Ko.


I shrug and we walk over to the next game.  That last thing on my mind
right now is tickets, or prizes, or anything.  I have a message burning a
hole in my pocket, and I want to see what Sam has in store for me this
time.  He made some cryptic comment at dinner about figuring something out
to cheer me up, but I'm not sure if 'horny' really equates to 'cheered up.'
Maybe, maybe not.


I let Ko get set up for his next game, this one an old-style shooting
gallery.  It's one of those ones that you point the gun down in the
machine, and then targets pop up.  It uses forced perspective to make it
seem like the targets are really far away, but the machine is only about
three feet deep.  As a kid I thought it was the coolest thing ever, and
I've wasted enough tokens playing the thing over the years that I'm pretty
good at it.  Maybe after I look at this picture I can get my head screwed
on and actually win some tickets.


It's not a picture, it's a video.


I take a deep breath and another look around over my shoulders, then I open
it.


My cock immediately pushes against the front of my pants, begging for
release.  It's a full on video of Sam's head bobbing up and down on the
dick.  It's from the top down, which means Sam got the person he's sucking
to film it.


Sam pulls off and lets the whole thing out of his mouth for a second, and I
suddenly realize who it is.  Craig.  The captain of our soccer team.  He's
the only person I know who's here right now who could possibly have a cock
this big.


I've only ever seen it in the showers after practice, and even then I've
only seen it soft.  But it still doesn't disappoint.  Hard, it's got to be
nine inches long, and pretty damn thick.  I'd love to try sucking on
something like that...


Suddenly, with only 2 seconds left on the Snap, Sam jerks his head forward
and buries it to the hilt in his mouth.  Holy shit!  Not even Carter could
pull a move like that, and he's way better at deep throating than I am.  I
can't believe what I'm seeing.


"Ugh, oh god!"


Shit!


I close my phone before the snap ends.


I forgot I had the volume turned up, and in the din of the arcade I hadn't
even noticed that there was sound on the video.  But as Sam's lips hit the
base of Craig's cock, he decided to moan super loud, and right next to the
camera at that.


On one hand, it was enough for me to hear that it was definitely Craig, but
unfortunately it was also loud enough that...


"What the fuck are you watching over there?" Ko asks.


He still has his face pressed up against the gun and is shooting targets as
they pop up, but I can see the smirk on his face.


"Nothing," I say.


The smirk spreads a little bit.


I can act in a school play, but I wish I was a better liar.


"Sounds like something pretty interesting," Ko says.


"No," I say.  I try to think fast.  "Just a stupid snap from somebody."


Ko shoots his final target and the game spits out about twenty tickets.


"Alright," Ko says, gesturing me towards the game, "you don't have to tell
me what you're watching.  But I am going to need you to win me some tickets
on this one."


I line up the gun and look down into the game.  I play through the order of
the targets in my head.  It's always the same, and I've probably played
this a hundred times.  If I can focus, I can win.


"I haven't seen Sam for a while," Ko says.


The first target pops out.  I hit it.  I get the next one too.  This
shouldn't be too bad.


"You know who else I haven't seen in a while," Ko says, "Craig."


My heart starts pounding and I mostly feel the blood pulsing through my
cock again.  I miss a target.


"I swear I saw him earlier, but I haven't seen him since."


I can't get the image of the video out of my mind.  Sam taking him all the
way, the way he moaned when Sam hit the bottom and held him there.  It's
the hottest sound a guy can make, that yelp of surprise at how good it
feels to get deep throated.  A cry and a shudder.


"I wonder where those two have gotten off to..."


I give up.  I take my hands off the gun and let the last few targets pop up
without the threat of being gunned down.  I turn around to stare daggers at
Ko, who's wearing the biggest smile I've seen all night.


"You're a dick," I tell him.  I point over to my tickets and let Ko have
them.


Ko laughs as he takes my winnings.  He's smarter than he lets on,
especially socially.  He likes to pretend he doesn't understand things, or
that he doesn't care.  But he hears all the gossip going on around him and
fills in the blanks faster than almost anyone I know.  He knows about Sam,
and he knows he's been tagging around with Craig, and he knows they're both
here tonight, and he heard the Snap.


So he knows.  Or at least he knows enough to use this information to affect
me.


"God I love beating you at stuff," he muses as he walks by.  "Let's go look
at the prizes and make some plans.  Maybe we can pool together and get
something cool."  He looks back at me and cocks his eyebrow.  "If you can
get your shit together, that is."


I turn to follow him and shake my head.  You can't fool your best friend.


As we walk over to the prize area I try to will my boner away.  I still
have most of a raging hardon in my pants, and I need that to go away before
I even think of doing anything else.  This is an arcade, not really an
ideal place to slip away and jack off, but I'm not sure what other options
I have.


I haven't been jacking off very much lately since I'm spending so much time
with Carter.  It's more like quality over quantity.  Probably since about
eighth grade, I jack off once a day.  Hooking up with Carter seems like
it's worth about a week.  But at times like this, when I get all pent up, I
just need to get it taken care of.


We take a seat at a booth in the dining area, and Ko gets up to start
scoping out prizes.  I take the opportunity to adjust myself into a
slightly less uncomfortable angle in my briefs.


All I can think about now is Carter.  Last time we were together was
amazing.  I've never cum that hard before.  And the way he reacted when he
let me eat his ass -- all the squirming and moaning.  It was heaven.


No.


We just talked about this.  Carter isn't my best option here.  He isn't
really giving me what I want.  He's being selfish and refusing to put
himself out on the line for me, when I'm doing it for him day in and day
out.  He's still clinging to his girlfriend and to his 'options.'  And I'm
getting left out to dry.  That's what we decided, right?


But...


Carter's the one who came back to me, not the other way around.  I had
sworn him off and was ready to be done, and he came back to me.  He showed
up at my play with flowers in his hand and an apology on his lips.  He
kissed me.  I didn't ask for any of that, it was all Carter.


And he invited me out last time.  Actually, the last few times have all
been something he planned.  He wanted me to hang out with his friends, and
then to stay at his place afterward.  He threw me down on the bed and
pulled my clothes off.


Plus, maybe Ko has a point from before.  If I'm getting it, why should I
worry?


I take my phone back out and go to my text messages.  I was originally
going to head home with Ko after the party and hang out at his place.  But
now I think I might have some other plans.


My mom is working a double tonight, so she won't be home until later in the
morning tomorrow.  Since I'm not home to watch them, the twins got shipped
off to my aunt's house.  She'll take them to school.  That means I have the
house to myself from now until I go to school in the morning.


I reach down to adjust myself again.  I definitely might have some other
plans.


[ What are you doing tonight? ]


I don't even have to put the phone back in my pocket before I get a
response.


[ Nothin.  You? ]


I smile to myself.


[ Come over? ]