Date: Tue, 2 Nov 1999 16:32:37 EST
From: Lollygagger28@aol.com
From: SNshownhere@aol.com
Subject: I Can't Hide These Feelings

I Can't Hide These Feelings
[chapter 1]
by Pete

    Well, allow me to introduce myself. I'm Pete. 5'7" - 5'8", 150
lbs. I would be what you would call "husky". And I hate it. I don't
think anyone could ever call me "cute". Anyway, back to the
description. Blond hair, blue eyes, now if only I could get a little
skinnier, I think I would look a little cute. ;-) I've never really
considered my self *totally* gay, because I think if you looked and dug
good enough, you would find that I still had a mild attraction for the
feminine side. But not much.  I've known I was gay-curious(?) since I
was 11-12 but didn't know what it was I was feeling. OK, I live on Long
Island, New York in a small little homophobic town with nothing to do
except to hang out at the McD's about 2 miles away. Which is not very
fun anyway.

    Like I said, I've known I had an attraction for the male gender
for a while now. And I've liked this boy ever since I moved here. His
name is Chris. He has short jet black hair, brown eyes, and the cutest
face you've ever seen. He's very skinny, and even if he WAS gay, I
don't think he would ever be interested in me. Oh well. One can wish,
can't one?

    One week in Soc. St. we had to do a report on the lifestyles of
Navajos. We had to be assigned a partner each. Our teacher, Mr. Cohen,
was reading the names he picked out. "John and......Mike!" They
exchanged their quiet "Yes!"'s together; everyone knew they were like
brothers, they had been best friends since before I was new to this
school, about 5 years ago. "Christina and.....Johanna!" They kind of
glared at each other, they had a rep to be kind of enemies. Next
names, "Pete and..", I kind of anticipated the partner and began to tap
my fingers, "Chris!" We exchanged rather confused looks, mine being
quite excited of course, because we've never been exactly "friends", we
never really talked. Right then, the school bell rang and I walked over
to Chris. I asked, "So looks like we're partners. When can you come
over or I can go over to get started?" He replied, "Well, I guess I
could come over this weekend. I have soccer practice this afternoon.
Tomorrow, maybe 11:00?"
"Sounds good. See ya." And so I left.

    That night, I was extremely excited that my crush was coming
over. Coming over, to MY HOUSE! Imagine that! I thought about it, I
would have to control my "friend" while he was there. So I decided I
would try my best. I started on cleaning my room, call it wishful
thinking but I actually made my bed that night, and slept on the floor
to keep it made so I wouldn't have to the next morning.

    "Beep beep beep beep beep" My alarm clock was ringing. I
reluctantly woke from a rather nice dream about Chris and me. I rubbed
the gunk out of my eyes and tried to see the red digital nimbers on my
alarm clock. 10:30. I said, "FUCK!" really loud so I thought the
neighbors heard. Lucky my parents weren't home. I jumped out of bed and
in one long stride, got to my dresser and started tearing
through the drawers, desperately looking for the clothes I thought
were "sexiest", why I don't know.

    As soon as I finished putting on my shorts, I heard the
doorbell ringing downstairs. I dashed down to the door and opened it.
Chris stood there, looking cute as ever. I let him in, and asked, "Did
you bring your books?" He replied, "Umm no. I figured you would have
yours."

    "Oh well that's OK. Let me just go upstairs and get them. Oh!
Since we should research, why not try the Internet? That has alot of
information. Let's go there first."

    "Cool. Let's go."

    He followed me up the stairs and into my room. I pushed the
power button on the computer. He saw the stereo and said, "Nice stereo.
What CD's do you have?"

    "Hmm, let's see. Orgy, Lo-Fidelity Allstars, Matchb.."

    "Omigod! I LOVE the Lo-Fis! Put that on please?"

    "Of course." I popped the CD into the player and waited for it
to start. I asked, rather surprised, "I never knew you liked the Lo-
Fis. They're also my fave." He said, "Well I've liked them since they
came out in the US but never brought it up becuase I knew they were not
very popular." We started up AOL and went to the Internet. I typed in
Encarta.com and logged in. "I hafta go use the bathroom. Keep on
surfing, I already logged in." I walked to the bathroom, and just
remembered I had some gay bookmarks in my Favorites. Shit. I pissed
fast and ran back to my room. I walked in and looked at the screen. I
saw the Favorites folder open. He turned his head my way and
stammered, "Pete-?"

    "I-I-I...I.."


I Can't Hide These Feelings
[chapter 2]
by Pete

"I-I-I-I....."

"Pete-are these your bookmarks?"

I hesitated for a few seconds. I mean, Chris could be homophobic for
all I know. And he's definetely not gay, is he? "Uhh..err....yeah I
guess." He just sort of stared at me with this confused look on his
face for a moment. Then I blew up. "Look Chris, just go, OK? Now you
know I'm gay. Queer. A fag. Homo. Whatever the fuck you want to call
it! Just leave!" I started softly sobbing, wondering how many people I
would have to deal with after this.

He said rather reassuringly, "Well, Pete, if you want me to leave I
can. But I don't really want to. I don't mind that you're gay."

My face brightened up with excitement. I just came out to the cutest
kid on earth (but not the way I would of liked) and he doesn't mind at
all. This is too cool! "Really?! I...er..uh...that's great! I mean...I
thought most kids in this town would have beat me up if they found out.
Thanks so much man. You don't know how much this means to me."

"Umm yeah. No problem bud. Yea, most kids probably would beat you up.
But not me."

I gave him a wide smile and laughed, still tears in my eyes. He stood
up and I gave him a hug. "Thank you so much." "Like I said, no
problem." We patted each others backs and separated (me, I didn't want
to). I looked at him for a second, and chuckled, "I think we should get
started on our project, huh?" "Heh I guess so." I sat down in my chair
and he kneeled next to me, and I clicked into Encarta and started
researching.

Over the next few days, Chris started bugging me about if I liked
anyone. Heh if only he knew! I can imagine it:

"OK Chris, You really wanna know don't you?"

"YES! Tell me goddammit."

"Hm...I guess....it's you Chris."

"Huh?! You faggot! Get the fuck away from me!"

Yeah. Right. I decided I would save it until I totally gained his
trust. But then something happened a week after he started getting on
my case in Study Hall, "OK Pete. You have got to tell me who you like.
Tell me or..or I won't take this whole gay thing to well." My eyes
widened to the offer. "Are you serious?"

"Yes. Very serious. Tell me now."

"OK, be prepared......it's you."

"Heheh. That's a good one. Tell me who you REALLY like."

I looked at him with a completely grave look. "It really is you. I
swear to God, it's you." He gave me a rather inquisitive
expression. "Really? It's me? I..well...I'm umm...flattered? I mean,
really? Wow." I asked, "You're not offended? At all?" "Well no. Why
should I be? I mean, well, this is pretty new to me, I've never had a
gay guy tell me he likes me before. But no, I'm not offended." "OK,
good. I figured you would, though." I said. "Yeah, umm the bell's going
to ring in 15 seconds. I'll see you around." "OK, see ya." Somehow, he
didn't seem to sound so sure of himself.

More and more after that incident, I noticed Chris was avoiding me. One
time, in between classes, I stopped him, turned him around, and
said, "Chris, why have you been avoiding me lately? I didn't say
anything wrong, did I?"

"Of course not. I've just been busy, that's all. Tell you what, come
over my house after school this afternoon. I'll tell you all about it.
OK?"

"Sure, whatever. See you later."

As I rode my bike out of my driveway and onto the road, I wondered what
he would tell me. I knew by now it had to do with me liking him
somehow. Oh well. All I could do on the way to Chris' house was run
everything throguh my mind, looking for a loose end. Couldn't find one.

Knock knock. "Hello? Oh Pete! Come on in bud." I followed him into the
kitchen and he offered me something to eat. I told him I just ate
before I came. He led me into the den, and we started watching T.V. I
broke the silence by asking, "What did you want to tell me? You said
you would explain why you were keeping away from me lately." "Huh? Oh
yeah. Well um.." There was an uncomfortable pause. "Look Pete, we need
to talk. Come up into my bedroom."

In his bedroom, he sat me down on his bed. He started off, "I've been
thinking about how you said you liked me, and well, I don't know. See,
ever since I sort of 'found out' you were gay, I've been questioning
myself. I think...I think I might be gay too."


I Can't Hide These Feelings
[chapter 3]
by Pete

....In his bedroom, he sat me down on his bed. He started off, "I've
been thinking about how you said you liked me, and well, I don't know.
See, ever since I sort of 'found out' you were gay, I've been
questioning myself. I think...I think I might be gay too.".....

"WHAT?!?!?"

"Pete, I'm totally not kidding. I really think I am gay, or something
close. When you said you were gay, I also started to wonder."

"Wow. Um...I have no idea what to say. I mean, I'm obviously fine with
it but it really is a surprise. Cool."

Long pause.

"But Pete, there's something I'm leaving out. Something big.
I...::sigh::....I like you too."

At this, frankly, was too good to be true. I started into a fit of
babbles. "But..um..er..uh..no!...really? Wow. Um...what does this mean
then?"
,
He responded, "It means you better kiss me now or I might change my
mind," with a small sexy smile on his face.

"Um..sure." And I planted a kiss on his lips. A non-open-mouthed, kind
of friendly kiss. I pulled away, and stared him into the eyes. I think
we both knew what was going to happen next. I leaned in for another one
and he grabbed me onto the bed with him. As the kiss became more
passionate, we started to feel each other up. I slid my hands under his
shirt, and ran my hands all over his chest. He did the same. We sucked
on each other's lips and moaned softly. As I started to unzip his fly,
he groaned his appreciation and I knew to go on. As I pulled them down
a semihard 7-incher was before me. I took it into my mouth and sucked
on it gently. He compulsorily bucked his hips into the air. His cock
was fully hard now. I sucked harder and in a few minutes I saw his
balls retract into his body. He moaned louder and his dick became
rigid. I felt his shots hit the back of my throat, and without a second
thought, I swallowed. When he was done climaxing, I looked up, he
looked back, and smiled. I moved up to him for more kissing and our
lips locked.

    After what seemed like hours, he pulled back. I asked, "What's
wrong?" He replied, "My turn." A big grin began to form on my
face. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to."

    "Don't worry, I'm sure I want to. Really."

    By this time, we were both nude and there was no need for
unzipping. He went down on my cock with passion and sucked HARD. "Oh
God, oh God, oh God, Chris don't stop." I clamped my eyes shut and
opened my mouth with all these wonderful feelings and within minutes I
was orgasming into his mouth. He swallowed too. Before I knew it, we
were kissing again and we were loving it.

    After that, we cuddled on his bed and watched TV. I fell asleep
on his warm chest. I woke up to him breathing on my hair and KNOCKING
AT THE DOOR. Oh SHIT. I shook him awake and said, "Dude, your mom's at
the door. What should we do?"

    He looked at me with hesitation and then there was more
knocking. "Oh fuck. Mom, hold on!" We threw some clothes on and opened
the door. "What have you boys been doing in there? I've been knocking
for 10 minutes!" "Mom, I can explain. Can we talk downstairs?" As we
followed Chris' mom, I looked at him, and he just shrugged. "Should we
tell her?" I whispered with worry in my voice. "I think we should. What
else can we say?"

    We sat down at their kitchen table. Chris broke the ice. "Mom,
there is something really important I have to tell you." "Well out with
it young man!"

    "Well mom, I'm gay. So is Pete here. And we're boyfriends."