Date: Fri, 4 May 2012 03:48:54 -0700
From: Jeffrey Venzuela <jtvenz72@gmail.com>
Subject: I Shall Believe - Chapter 19

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Warning:  If you don't tolerate or approve of the gay lifestyle please
leave now.

This is pure fiction. No one in this story is a real person, living or
deceased. Any similarities is just a coincidence.
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	"You have been having sex with Andy?" Alex asked Jesse incredulously.
Michael, Alex and Jesse were having lunch together alone since Ivan had
been avoiding all three of them  during the school day. "Are you sure it's him?
I mean this is Andy Pearson we're talking about here."

"Yes, it's him, unless he has an identical gay twin brother." Jesse said.

Alex tried to picture Andy with Jesse. She really just couldn't imagine it.
"And how could you even not know his name?" She asked.

"I know his name. He introduced himself as Brant." Jesse said. He noticed
Alex's brow was furrowing at him. "Hey, don't judge! It's not like we're getting
married or anything . He doesn't even know I'm from around here. We're just
fucking. There's no need for a complete resume."

Alex cringed. "Okay."

"What? Like you never had sex with a guy you barely knew before." Jesse
challenged.

"In fact, no." Alex said proudly. She noticed that Michael was being very quiet.
He seemed to be lost in deep thought.

"Michael?" She called him.

Michael looked at Alex and Jesse. "I think we should tell Ivan." He said.

"Michael! He already made it clear he doesn't want us involved." Alex said.

Jesse nodded. "And besides, what are you gonna tell him? `Oh, and I also
now dragged Jesse into this too, especially since he has been sleeping with
Andy.'" He remarked with sarcasm.

Michael held out a finger and said, "Wait guys. We're missing the point here."

"I so agree. Sleeping with a complete stranger is totally acceptable in these
modern times." Jesse said. Michael and Alex looked at him strangely.

"No." Michael began. "The point is Andy's buried so deeply in the closet his balls
are covered with dust bunnies. And that gives us leverage." He smirked.


Jake had just gotten out of his class when he saw Ivan waiting for him
outside by the door.

"Hey." Ivan said to him.

"Hey, Ivan." He greeted back but kept on walking.

Ivan was surprised by how casual Jake was being but still he followed him
and asked about the permit for the bonfire that they had been sent to get
from Jake's father, the mayor.

"Oh yeah. Dad already signed it. I'm actually on my way to give it to Alex."
Jake answered.

 "Oh. I'll come with you then," said Ivan. Since he hadn't really helped in
getting the permit, Ivan thought he should at least go with him when Jake
gave the permit to Alex.

"Not necessary. I can do it." Jake said, still walking.

Ivan couldn't help but feel like Jake was brushing him off. "Jake, are you avoiding
me?" He voiced out.

"Yes." Jake answered simply without even looking at Ivan.

Surprised, Ivan asked, "Why? Shouldn't we at least talk about how we'd deal
with Andy and the video? At least devise a plan?"

Finally, Jake stopped walking and turned to face Ivan. "Ivan, I already convinced
Andy last year that I'm straight when I told him that what happened between us
was just a drunken mistake."

"He sure didn't sound convinced yesterday when he called you a faggot."
Ivan said, making sure to whisper the last word.

"He probably just said that because he saw me with you." Jake retorted.

"Are you serious?" Ivan asked. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Will you just stay away from me?" Jake said as he walked away but Ivan grabbed
him by the arm.

"Jake..." Ivan said.

"I said stay away you faggot!" Jake shouted as he pushed Ivan hard, causing
him to land on the floor with a loud thump.  The noise in the hallway vanished
as the attention of all the students in the hallway became riveted on them.

Ivan remained on the floor, still surprised by what had happened. Jake was
also motionless standing over Ivan, not believing what he had just done. He
didn't know what had happened but by the looks in Ivan's eyes, he knew he
hurt him badly, not physically but emotionally. Jake wanted to apologize but
he just couldn't; not with everyone watching and listening so carefully. He had
an image to uphold. He looked at Ivan and Ivan stared back. He could feel the
words `I'm sorry' coming but instead, he turned his back and walked away.


The committee for the bonfire had another meeting later that day. Everyone
had arrived except for Ivan and Jake. Michael was repeatedly dialing Jake's
phone while Alex did Ivan's.

Jesse let out an impatient sigh and asked, "Where the hell are those guys?"

"Not in the same room, I'm sure." Someone from the football team remarked.

Michael, Alex and Jesse looked at boy. "What do you mean?" Jesse asked.

The boy smirked and said, "Didn't you hear? Apparently, Ivan was stalking
Jake. Anyway, earlier this afternoon, Jake had enough and yelled at the guy
but Ivan wouldn't hear any of it so Jake pushed him away hard. He pushed
him so hard that his ass hit the floor." He ended with a chuckle which earned
a glare from Michael.  The boy immediately stopped after seeing Michael's
angry eyes.  Jesse saw the whole interaction and shook his head with an
amused smile.

Michael and Alex exchanged worried looks. "Was Ivan okay though?" Alex asked.

"I think so." The boy from the football team replied.

"Okay." Alex said. She then gathered everyone's attention and continued, "Since
Ivan and Jake already did their part in getting the mayor's permit, I think it's
okay that we start the meeting without them."


Once the meeting was over, Jesse went to Ivan's house. He found Ivan in
his room lying on his bed. "We missed you at the meeting today." Jesse said,
leaning on the door frame

"I didn't feel like going to the meeting." Ivan mumbled without looking
at Jesse.

"And you also didn't feel like eating lunch with me, or Alex and Michael?"
Jesse continued softly as he walked towards the bed.

Ivan, however, didn't respond. He didn't crack a smile or even look at
Jesse.

 Jesse sat down on the bed and asked, "So are you ready to go `Old Hollywood'
to the dance this Friday?"

At first, Ivan had no idea what Jesse was talking about but then it came to
him. Old Hollywood was the chosen theme for the Homecoming Dance.

"You didn't forget to rent a tux or something, right?" Jesse asked after realizing
that Ivan just might have forgotten about it.

"Oh, no. I already have my outfit ready."  Ivan lied. He was so concerned
about dealing with Andy that he had forgotten to think about what he would
be wearing on Friday night.

 "Anyway, I'm going downtown to help Max find something to wear. Wanna
come with?" Jesse offered.

Ivan shook his head. "Nah. I'm think I'll just lay here for a while."

"Okay." Jesse said as he stood up. But before walking out of the room, he
paused and looked at Ivan. "Ivan, you know you can talk to me about
absolutely anything right?"

Ivan propped himself up with his elbows. "Of course."

Jesse nodded his head. "And if you need any help or just anything... at all.
You know you can come to me." He added.

Ivan smiled at Jesse's genuine concern. "Thanks Jesse." Jesse smiled back at him
and left.

Ivan genuinely appreciated the concern Jesse was showing but he really didn't
want him involved in the situation with Andy. In fact, he didn't want any of
his friends involved. Ivan had no idea what was going tohappen but after
what Jake did to him in school earlier, he didn't care anymore. Andy hadn't even
threatened him since he arrived. Ivan thought it would probably be better
just to let the week pass by rather than provoke Andy.


That same afternoon, the football team was going through an extremely
rigorous practice session. The game on Friday would be the final game of
the season and the coach all wanted everybody's mind and heart and soul
set on winning. Jake's mind, heart and soul however were distracted with
thoughts about Ivan and Andy. Andy since he had just noticed the older boy
in the bleachers watching them practice on the field. There he was, big as life,
staring at Jake with a self-satisfied smirk. Jake had no idea what he had done
to make the boy start picking on him again. That was supposed to be over.

"What did Ivan ever do to you man?" Jake heard Michael say from behind him.
He turned around to answer but he didn't really have one. So instead, he just
looked down to his feet.

Michael shook his head. He couldn't believe Jake wouldn't even answer
him. He was just about to walk away when he heard Jake quietly utter,
"I'm sorry."

"I'm not the person you should be apologizing to." Michael said.


Since he still had nothing to wear for the dance on Friday, Ivan figured
he would ask  Jean for help. He went to the diner and approached Jean who
was behind the counter.

"Hey, Pumpkin." Jean greeted warmly once seeing him. "How was school?"

"The same." Ivan answered as he sat down on a stool by the counter.

Jean went in front of him and asked, "Do you need anything?"

Ivan smiled timidly and said, "Yeah. I need something to wear for the dance
on Friday."

Jean nodded. "Old Hollywood right?" She said.

"Yes. Timeless glamour and elegance." Ivan answered with a hint of sarcasm.

Jean rolled her eyes at Ivan before saying, "I think I have something."

"Really? That's cool." Ivan said.

"Yeah." Jean began. "I have this really long and flowy black gown that--"
She stopped after seeing the mortified look on Ivan's face. Jean snickered
and said, "I'm kidding. A friend of mine left this tux and I sort of kept it."

"Ooooh. Someone you used to stalk, huh?" Ivan teased.

Jean raised an eyebrow. "No. He was just a good friend."

Ivan raised his hands in the air and said, "Whatever you say."

"Tell you what, why don't you stay for dinner and I'll close up early so I can
 go back to my apartment and get the tux. I'll just meet you at home, okay?"
Jean said.

"Sure." Ivan said.

Ivan wondered if he should tell her about the whole mess with Andy Pearson
and how he had an intimate video somewhere that was in danger of spreading.
No, he told himself. He didn't want to worry Jean.


Meanwhile at the mall, Jesse was waiting for Max as the latter changed into
the suit Jesse had helped him pick. Shopping with Max had revealed to
Jesse that Max had little fashion sense. Jesse thought Max could probably
either be straight or just a laid back gay guy in the making who hadn't been
paying attention to fashion. Of course, Jesse wished for the latter.

"Can I ask you something?" Jesse spoke to the curtain that was covering the
changing booth.

"Shoot." He heard Max answer.

Jesse wondered if he should ask Max for advice but since he really didn't
have anyone else to talk to about it, he plowed ahead.

"What if you had a really close friend who has someone he really hates
because that person did pretty bad things to him. And let's say you yourself
made a new friend--but not that sort of `friend' friend but more like a
`buddy' friend, if you know what I mean. So anyway after you and you new
`buddy' friend `hang out' a couple of times, you find out that your new
`buddy' friend is that one person who your  close friend really hates. Would
you tell close friend about the two of you?" Jesse asked.

Jesse heard chuckling from behind the curtains and Max saying, "What are you
talking about?"

"How could I explain this simpler..." Jesse talked to himself. After a few seconds,
he continued. "What if you're sleeping with a friend's enemy but you really
had no idea he was the enemy until today?"

Max pulled the curtain a little so the he could stick his head out. "You've been
sleeping with a he?" He asked.

Jesse was surprised by his carelessness. "No, no! I wasn't talking about me.
I was just asking for a friend." He saw Max trying to read him so to divert him
he quickly asked,  "So do you think I should tell my friend to tell his close
friend?"

There was silence as Max put on a black jacket and pondered Jesse's
question. A few moments later, he stepped out the booth.  For a moment,
Jesse was distracted from his predicament. He admired how gorgeous Max
looked in the tux.

"So, what do you think?" Max said meekly.

"So hot." Jesse whispered to himself.

"What did you say?" Max asked, unsure of what he had heard.

Realizing he said the comment out loud, Jesse said, "I said it's so hot in
here. Is there even an AC in here?"

Max looked at him weirdly but decided to ask again. "So, how do I look?"
He examined his reflection again, still unsure of the way he looked.

"I think you look good." Jesse said in the most nonchalant way he could
manage.

"You think so?" Max asked sincerely.

Jesse shrugged. "Yeah." He said with a flat face.

Max took a few more glances at himself in the mirror before finally answering
Jesse's previous question. "About your question... I think your friend is better
off keeping the affair a secret. I mean, it's not like he knew all about the guy right?
And besides, he could just quickly call off the whole thing and pretend like nothing
ever happened."

Jesse was silent as he pondered and considered Max's words.

"But then again there's this pesky thing called guilt. I don't think anyone
decent could avoid that while keeping a secret from a friend. And secrets
are bound to reveal themselves sooner or later so your friend may be better
off beating it to the punch and just confess as early as now." Max added.

Jesse noticed that that was the exact opposite of Max's first advice.
"Okay. You are not helping." He said.

"I'm just presenting to you the facts and the possible consequences."
Max reasoned.

"But I already know all those things, Mr. Obvious. Tell me something I don't know."
Jesse whined.

"Okay, sure. Here's one: I can't make this decision for you. This is all up to you."
Max said as he gave his friend a sympathetic look before pulling the curtain close
to change back to his clothes. Jesse stood there, still undecided as to what he should
do.


Ivan was in his room, lying on his bed, tossing a small blue rubber ball into the
air as he waited for Jean. He saw online a few years ago that tossing a ball in
the air helps improve one's concentration so when he's he was faced with really
sticky problems he automatically grabbed his little blue rubber ball. And things
were really sticky right now.

He wanted to talk to someone about Jake but he knew he couldn't without
exposing Jake's sexuality. He also wanted to talk about the video of the two
of them kissing but the only person he could talk to, Jake, obviously didn't want
to discuss it.

He had just tossed the ball into the air when he heard someone knocking
on his open door accompanied with a cheerful greeting of, "Knock, knock!"
His eyes left the ball and swept to the door. He momentarily locked eyes on
Jean. . The ball dropped on his head and bounced to the floor. And Jean
chuckled at what had just happened.

 "Hey," Ivan said, blushing a little.

"I got you the tux." She said, finally coming in grasping a hanger upon which
hung the tux hiding inside a black bag.

Ivan moved closer to the edge of his bed where Jean was standing.

"Now, this  may not be that glamorous but," she said as she opened the zipper
of the bag. "It really has the classic look." She finished after completely opening
the bag and showing the garment to Ivan.

It was an elegant looking black and white tuxedo which looked like just about
the right size for him. "Wanna try it on now?" Jean asked him.

Ivan truly wanted to see if the tux would fit him right but the need to discuss
his problems was really eating him inside and he couldn't wait any longer.
Jean was the only one he could talk to at this point. He didn't want to involve
his friends because he didn't want Andy hurting them too. So Ivan thought
maybe he should just ask Jean in the most discreet way possible. "I think I'll
try it on later because I need to talk to you about something" He said softly.

"Okay. I'm listening." Jean said as she sat down on the bed beside Ivan.

Ivan tried to explain it clearly but at the same time be vague with the details.
 "You see, I have this friend who has a secret and also, we share this one other
secret together. The thing is someone else knows about our secret and that
person is threatening to expose It. And if that secret goes, my friend's secret
will also be revealed."

Jean was silent as she contemplated the situation. "Okay. That's really...
general." She commented.

"I'm sorry I can't be more specific with the details." Ivan said.

Jean chuckled at Ivan's unnecessary apology. "It's fine. It's fine. I get it.
Your mother and I, we also had a lot of secrets and most of them we shared
with each other. We also shared them with our other best friend, Ben."

"I think you've mentioned him to me before. The one that you let get away
right?" Ivan asked.

She flinched a little at how Ivan referred to him but remembered that he really
didn't know anything about Ben. "Yeah, him. What the three of us learned about
sharing secrets is that it enables your friendship to grow. It somehow gives you
this feeling that you'll always have each other to count on. It brings a new level
of trust into your friendship."

"But my friend is now avoiding me because of this secret." Ivan explained.

Jean smiled with sympathy. "That's another thing about secrets. Sometimes,
secrets tend to eat you up inside. Especially if you've come to think that your
whole life depends on it."

"I think to him, it really feels like that." Ivan said, replaying in his mind how Jake
had acted earlier in the school.

"But Pumpkin, that's just an illusion. No matter how deep or dark your secret
is, your whole life would never be at stake. Maybe a part of your life could be
at stake but never your whole life entirely. It would never be that way, especially
if you have those friends that you share your secrets with."

 "But I don't think he wants my help." Ivan added.

"Then you'll just have to make sure he knows that you're there if he needs
you." Jean said.

Ivan grew quiet as he considered this. He was just not used to not doing
something, especially with a huge situation like this.

"Hey." Jean called his attention as she lightly touched his shoulder. "You're a
smart boy. I know you'll figure it out eventually and do the right thing."

"Thanks, Aunt Jean." Ivan said.

"Hey Ivan, you in here?" The two heard Jesse calling from downstairs.

"Yeah, I'm up here!" Ivan answered.

Jean stood up and said, "I'm gonna go and reheat the food I brought from the
diner."

"Okay." Ivan said with a smile already feeling better about the situation.

 "Hey Jean." Jesse greeted her upon meeting her by the door of Ivan's room.

"Hey, you want to stay for dinner?" She offered.

Jesse grinned, "Sure." Jesse walked inside Ivan's room and greeted him with
a simple hi.

"What's up?" Ivan asked.

This was it, Jesse thought. He needed to tell Ivan the truth. It would be the right
thing to do. "I came here to talk to you about something." Jesse said.

There was a huge pause before Ivan spoke up. "Well, what is it then?" Ivan
chuckled.

Jesse really wanted to tell Ivan but he didn't know where to begin. "We're cool,
right?" he asked.

Ivan chuckled at Jesse's tone. "Of course! Jesse, c'mon. Out with it. You know
you can talk me about anything."

"I'm sleeping with someone." Jesse blurted out.

Ivan looked at him to see if he was serious. "Well, duh. You're always sleeping
with someone. What's new about that?"

Jesse smiled uncomfortably. "Well, you see..." He shifted on his toes.

Ivan waited patiently for Jesse to say what he needed to say. He was a little
puzzled by how Jesse was acting. It was not like him to be hesitant in talking
about things.

"You see I'm--" Jesse was interrupted by a loud beep from Ivan's computer.

Ivan waved it off. "Oh don't worry about that.  It's probably a new e-mail. My
computer opens the new message automatically." But Jesse was just standing
there, staring at the computer screen.

"Jesse. What is it that you need to talk to me about?" Ivan tried to urge him on
but Jesse's eyes were still focused on the computer.

 "Ivan I think you need to see this." Jesse pointed to the computer behind Ivan.
Ivan turned around and couldn't believe his eyes. It was the video of him and
Jake. They were kissing and grinding against each other. Someone must have
sent it to his e-mail address--Andy.

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Surprise! Hahaha. Maybe most of you thought I already stopped working on
this story due to that super long time since I published the last
chapter. I wouldn't quit on this story. Ever. So just stay tuned okay?
Check the group page from time to time for updates. Anyway, I hope you
enjoyed this chapter.

Thanks again to Mr. Dennis S for waiting for this chapter and for still
putting up with me after all these months and ofcourse for editing my
work. For those who aren't still members of the facebook readers' page, We
have lots of room for you guys. If you want to join, here's the link:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/ISBreaders/

Thanks! Keep on reading :)