Date: Thu, 11 Aug 2011 21:38:30 -0700
From: Jeffrey Venzuela <jtvenz72@gmail.com>
Subject: I Shall Believe - Chapter 9

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Warning:  If you don't tolerate or approve of the gay lifestyle please
leave now.

This is pure fiction. No one in this story is a real person, living or
deceased. Any similarities is just a coincidence.
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Chapter 9


Ivan was deep in thought during the drive to Alex. He felt bad about his
response to Michael's apology about not being there for him when his mother
died. All Ivan had done was nod because he didn't really wanted to lead
Michael on to believing that he had truly forgiven him because he really
wasn't sure yet. However, he was sure that he wanted to be there for
Michael during his whole grieving.

Ivan arrived at Alex's house and knocked on the door. He waited for a minute
before knocking again. "Alex?" He called. No one answered so he tried the door
knob. The door opened so he went in. The lights were on but there was no
sign of Alex or her mother, Beth. The house was quiet.

"Alex?" Ivan called again as he ascended the stairs. He followed the hallway
to what he could remember as Beth's room. It was at the end of the hallway.
Ivan stood in front of the door, ready to knock, when it opened. Ivan saw a
surprised Alex wearing a simple black dress. She was carrying three empty
liquor bottles and the reek of cigarette smoke filled the air.

"Ivan." She said after she regained her composure. "What are you doing here?"

Ivan stared at the bottles in her hands. "I came to get you."

"Oh." Alex said as she followed Ivan's gaze to her hands. "I'll just bring
these downstairs."

"Do you need help?" Ivan asked.

Alex smiled. "Thanks. I can handle it." She passed by Ivan and descended
the stairs.

Ivan stared at the open room in front him and couldn't help but be curious.
He took a few steps towards the room and found it a mess. Furniture was
scattered across the room. The only thing that seemed to be in place was
the bed. But lying on it was Beth, unconscious with her legs dangling over
 the side of it. There were ashes and an ashtray at the foot of the bed which
must have fallen from the bed to the floor along with the disheveled sheets.

"I found her like that after I took a shower." Alex said walking in and seeing
Ivan looking at her mother. "I thought she was out of the house since her
room was locked. Then after I changed, I heard the lampshade crashing. I
looked all over for the duplicate but I couldn't find it anywhere. Then I found
it a while ago inside the freezer."

"The freezer?" Ivan asked to check if he had heard her correctly.

Alex scoffed. "Yeah. The last time she hid it in a box of cereal." She said and
shook her head. Ivan gave her a sympathetic smile.

"As you can see I still have my hands full." Alex gestured around the room.
"Just tell Michael I can't make it."

Somehow, Ivan didn't want it to be that way. "No." He said. Alex looked at him
as he struggled to find a way around the situation. "I'll help you clean up and
then we can go."

Alex shook her head as she sat on the bed beside her unconscious mother.
"I can't, Ivan. I just can't leave her like this." Alex stared at her mother. "Who
knows what she'll do once she wakes up. "

Ivan nodded in understanding but still tried to think of a solution. "Maybe I
can stay and watch her while you're at Michael's. Think that would work?"

"Yes but are you sure? Don't you want to be there for Michael?" Alex asked.

"Yeah but you didn't have the opportunity to be with him last night or
any time earlier today." Ivan said sincerely.

Alex smiled at him gratefully. "Thanks. I really want to be there for him
today considering I wasn't at the hospital with him last night."

"I know." Ivan smiled back.

"I'm sorry about all this mess." Alex gestured around the room.

"It's okay. I'll take care of it." Ivan said as he nodded. "Now go." He smiled
gently.

"Thank you." Alex said and left the room.

Ivan took a deep breath and examined the wreck of a bed room. He first
went to open the windows and pull the curtains to the side. He then
picked up the night stand lying on the floor.

"Ivan?" Alex called from the door. Ivan turned to face her. "I really am
thankful for this." Ivan nodded. "And I just wanted to say I'm sorry—
for everything." He nodded again.

Alex didn't fail to notice that Ivan only nodded at her but she decided
that a nod was good enough, at least for the time being.


Jean arrived at Michael's house a little early and looked around for Ivan.
She was greeted by Sophia to whom she solemnly gave her condolences.
Jean saw Michael walk into the room and approached him. She started
by saying how sorry she was then asked where Ivan was.

"He just went to get Alex. They'll be here soon." He answered. Jean
wondered why Ivan had to pick her up but refrained from asking Michael.

"So the three musketeers are back in the fight now?" Jean quipped.

Michael exhaled deeply. "I sure hope so."

Both of them stood in the living room staring at the door waiting for the
two to arrive. "Would you like to have a drink?" David Jr. asked Jean.

Jean smiled to the little boy. "Sure, Pumpkin. A glass of water would be nice."

The boy wrinkled his forehead and looked at Michael. "Why did she call me
a pumpkin? I'm a boy."

Michael and Jean couldn't help but laugh. "Buddy, that's just a name she likes
to call young boys, just like Kiddo."

His eyes went out of focus as he absorbed the information. "So you're like
what, the mother pumpkin?"

Jean tried to stifle her laugh. "I think she wants her water now Junior."
Michael told the boy.

"That boy is something." Jean commented as she smiled.  Michael agreed.

"Oh, look. There's Alex." Jean said as she saw Alex enter the room. Michael
followed her gaze and saw Alex. She looked beautiful in her black dress. She
gracefully walked towards them and hugged them.

"Where's Ivan?" Michael asked as they separated. "How's your mom?" He
added.

"You know, the usual. Ivan volunteered to stay with mother while I stay here
with you for the rest of the afternoon." Alex answered.

"Is Beth okay?" Jean inquired as she heard the conversation.

"She passed out after a little drinking." Alex said in a low voice.

 "And how much is little?" Jean asked.

Alex looked down. "Three bottles of vodka."

"Jesus." Jean whispered to herself. Michael looked alarmed as well.

Alex explained how she didn't think that all of the bottles were consumed
just that day because the other two were much colder than the one near her
on the bed.

Jean searched her purse for her car keys and said, "I'll go and check on her
to make sure she's fine."

"She's fine, really." Alex said. "This isn't the first time this has happened."

Jean nodded but said, "Still, I'm going to make sure she's fine." She left the
room.

Alex turned to Michael. "Michael, I'm sorry. This was supposed to be about
your dad but my mother—"

"It's okay." He assured her. "We all have our problems." Alex smiled at her
meekly.

 Sophia entered the room and announced for everyone to gather around
so the activity could begin.


At Alex's house, Ivan was still cleaning Beth's room.  Beth hadn't even stirred
despite the noise of the vacuum cleaner that Ivanhad  used a while ago.
Ivan was on his way downstairs when he saw Jean through the window,
walking towards the house. Ivan went and opened the door.

"How is she?" Jean asked.

"She's still asleep." Ivan replied as he went back on his way to return the
vacuum to the basement. When Ivan returned, Jean was already arranging
the furniture in Beth's room. "How's Michael doing?" He asked her.

"I think he's going to be okay." She answered. "Why don't you go back there
and check on him yourself."

"I just can't leave Alex's mother here alone." He reasoned.

"Pumpkin, that's what I came here for." She said with a smile. "Michael
needs you to be there."

"He's already got Alex." Ivan tried to smile. "I'm sure he'll be okay."

"Do you want me to tickle you down and drag you all the way to the door?"
Jean feigned a cruel face.

Ivan giggled. "Okay, okay. Just let me help you put this room back together
first."

Jean grinned. "Deal."

The two worked together on moving things back and forth, trying to
decide where the various pieces of furniture were really placed. "So when
do you plan on telling him what you feel?" Jean asked Ivan as they carried
a desk to the space between the windows.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Ivan said.

"Oh, don't pull that on me." She said after putting down the table on the
side of the room across the bed. "You've been in love with him since you two
boys met." She added.

 "I was never in love with him. Never have, never will. We're just friends."
Ivan replied. "And he already has Alex."

"Let's take Alex out from the picture for a while. Would you go after him?"

"It'd be useless. He's straight. He's my straight best friend. Going after
him would just ruin our friendship." He explained.

"So you still consider him your best friend then?" Jean asked.

"I don't know," was Ivan's short answer. "What's with all the questions
anyway?"

"Nothing. Just want to make time fly by faster." She reasoned. "So are you
in love with him?"

"I already told you—"

"Yes or no?"

There was a long pause before Ivan answered. "No. He's my best friend and
he's straight and he has a girlfriend."

Jean held her hands out. "Whatever you say."

Both heard a groan coming from the bed. They looked and saw Beth was
still asleep. The two stared at her until she started snoring. Jean was the
first who broke out in laughter but soon was joined by Ivan.


Back in Michael's house, people were already sharing their favorite memories
Of David Gilner. Each person would stand in front of everyone in the living
room and share his or her story. After a co-worker from the office told
his story about David lending him money for his mother's emergency surgery
after having a heart attack, Sophia volunteered to go next.

"Hi." Sophia smiled, already on the verge of crying. "First of all, I just want to
say thank you for joining our family today. Dad insisted this is what he wanted
so here we are Dad." She laughed softly.

"Dad and I were close. All of us, his children, were really close to him." She
 gestured to her two younger brothers who smiled at her. "But my father
and I always had a special bond. I was his little girl." She paused after her
voice broke and she wiped a few stray tears. "My favorite memory... was
very hard to choose because the truth is every memory I have of my father
is my favorite." She exhaled deeply. "But this is what I want to share with all
of you.

"During my senior year, I got pregnant with my boyfriend Mark, who is now
my husband. One night during dinner, I finally told him that I was pregnant.
He put his knife and fork down, stood up and left the room. I started crying
but then he came back into the room with our phone in his hand.
"He told me to call Mark and tell to come over for dessert. Of course,
I was scared he might hurt him, I mean Mark did get me pregnant
and we were still in high school. He told me to trust him so I did. Mark
arrived and we all sat on the dinner table silently eating his home made
chocolate ice cream.

"After everyone was done, he asked Michael to leave and watch baby
Junior while we talk. Then dad talked to us kindly. He asked us what
our plans were and what we wanted to do. He didn't push us into doing
anything. He was just there, listening to us. Then a few months later,
Mark proposed to me and then we told Dad we were getting married.

"He congratulated us and told us that we had his support no matter
what. On the morning of our wedding, he sat me down on my bed and
had this very serious look on his face. I thought he would ask me to call
off the wedding but instead, he asked me if he could give me away. I let
out a little chuckle of relief and said, `Of course'. He hugged me and
said that I would soon be Mark's wife but I'd always be his little girl." Sophia
sniffled as she wiped her tears with a napkin. Mark went on her side and
rubbed her back to soothe her. "To Dad." She said raising her glass.

"To David." The people toasted.

"Excuse me. I just need some air." Michael said as he loosened up the tie
he was wearing.

"Michael..." Alex said going after him but Sophia stopped her.

"I think it's best for him to be alone for a while." She smiled at Alex.
Alex just nodded. "How about you share your favorite memory
of Dad?"

"Okay." Alex smiled at her before looking back to the door where Michael
had gone.


Upon arriving outside the Gilners', Ivan immediately saw Michael
sitting on the porch steps. He slowly approached the boy who was staring
off in another direction. He looked deep in thought as the setting sun and
the trees surrounding the house created shadows over his face. "Hey,
what are you doing out here by yourself?" Ivan asked. Michael looked up
to him.

"I just needed some air." The boy said quietly, averting his eyes to nowhere
in particular.

"What, did they run out of air inside?" Ivan laughed softly at his own joke.

"It's just..." Michael paused to gather his thoughts then turned his face to
Ivan. "Hearing everyone talk about their memories with dad, it's too
much for me."

Ivan nodded and asked. "Have you shared your favorite memory of Dave?"

Michael shook his head. "I don't think I want to."

"Why not?" Ivan inquired.

"Because I'm afraid saying it out loud will make the memory fade faster."
He explained.

 "It won't. Trust me." He assured him. "And besides, if it did. There'll be
what, 15 people from today to remind you of the memory. I'm sure they'll
be happy to help you remember."

Michael nodded. "So you think you think can do it?" Ivan asked and
he nodded.

 "What?" Ivan asked as he noticed Michael grinning widely at him.

His face grew serious as he answered Ivan. "It's just I've missed you and your
pep talks." Ivan gave him an appreciative smile.

"Michael." The two boys turned their heads to see Alex approaching them.
"Hey Ivan. How's mother?"

"Jean's watching her but she was still out of it when I left." Alex nodded
as she looked between the two boys. "And the room's good as it was
before. Jean helped me clean." Ivan added.

Alex sighed. "I'm really sorry Ivan that you had to do that."

"It's fine." Ivan said sincerely.

"Thank you." She hugged him and said, "I've miss you so much." Ivan
smiled and nodded after they separated. "Is it okay if I go? I really have
to check on mother myself." Alex turned to Michael.

"Yeah. It's okay." Alex hugged Michael and kissed his cheek. "I'm really
sorry about your dad." She said holding his face.

Michael nodded and hugged her. Ivan, thinking that it was best to leave
them a moment to themselves, went into the house.


Jean noticed from the window of Beth's room that it was already dark
outside. She sat on a chair beside the bed and put a cup of coffee and
some aspirin on the night stand. She was staring at Beth's sleeping figure
when she stirred. Beth groaned before speaking. "What are you doing here?
Where's Alex?"

"I'm here to make sure you're okay while Alex has gone to Michael's."
She answered.

"Oh, right. Dave died." She sat up and took two aspirin from the table
and downed them with coffee. "First Rose then David. I wonder when will
my time be."

"That's a little too selfish don't you think." Jean said a little louder.
Beth scoffed. "Rose died on a car accident. David died from cancer.
You'll what, drown yourself in alcohol?"

Beth smirked and raised her eyebrows. "That's the plan."

Jean couldn't help but get mad. "Are you listening to yourself? Getting
drunk a few Friday nights while you babysat Ivan, Michael and Alex years
ago was one thing, but this? Beth, you have a daughter that needs you."

"Yeah, a daughter that William left me for." Jean shook her head.
"Don't you dare judge me. You don't know what it feels like to be
knocked up and dumped like yesterday's paper." Beth said, her voice
rising.

"Oh I'm sorry. I was only left by multiple guys because I can't give
them a baby." Jean said sharply. "Everyone has their own problems
Beth. But you, you need to move on. You're complaining about something
that happened seventeen years ago and your daughter is the one who's
suffering."

"That girl is not suffering. She receives more money from her ass of a father
than I do."

It was Jean's turn to scoff. "Is this what it's all about, money? Why don't
you try and buy a little less alcohol and be a little more of a mother?"

"Why don't you try and talk less and pray for a miracle baby more?"

Jean stood up abruptly and raised her hands. "That's it. I'm not going
to  argue with your alcoholic ass anymore." Jean walked out the door.

"Don't be so pissed honey. Try adopting!" Beth shouted. She was surprised
when Jean went back by the door just to give her the finger. "Bitch!"
Beth shouted again.

As Jean stormed towards the door, she came across Alex. "Jean, I just wanted
to say—"

Jean smiled and said, "You're welcome." Then her angry expression came back.
"Good luck with your mother."


Michael stood in front of everyone, feeling really awkward as they
waited for him to share his story. He looked at all the expectant faces and
among them was Ivan who smiled at him reassuringly. He concentrated on
Ivan's face, took a deep breath and started.

"Like my sister said a while ago, it was very hard to choose the best
memory of dad because to me, everyday with him was the best day I had
with him. However, I think this is the one that really stands out for me.
It was my first game as quarterback and I was really nervous. I can remember
my dad patting me on the back saying, `You'll do great son.' Every time
that day from this house all the way to the school, he kept on patting me and
reassuring me that I'd do great. Before the game started, I made sure
I knew where he sat so if ever something actually great happened, I'd be
able to see his reaction. It was a very tough game and I was really struggling
until I took a look at dad watching from the bleachers. I decided that
I'd give it my all just to see him be proud of me.

"I ran my fastest and played my hardest and eventually, I scored my
first touchdown. Then before I could even look at my father, I could
already hear him screaming at the top of his lungs. `That's my son.
That's my son.' He kept on yelling to the point that others' on the
bleachers were already staring at him but he didn't care. Neither did I
because in that one moment, I felt I truly deserved to be his son."

Michael blinked to stop his tears and realized he had his eyes on Ivan
during his entire speech. Michael grinned as he saw Ivan wipe some tears
from his face. "To dad." He toasted.

"To David." The others raised their glasses.

Michael walked to Ivan's side, threw his arm around Ivan's shoulder and
whispered. "I forgot how much of a softie you are Benny." He grinned.

"Well Mikey, I never forgot how much of a socially awkward person you
are." Ivan replied with a smile.

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Thank you again for reading my story and a special thanks to Dennis S, my editor.
This might sound a little ambitious but I'm thinking of starting a facebook page
for this story. What do you guys think? Should I start a group or a page where
you guys could post your opinions? Anyway, thanks again. Keep reading!