Date: Wed, 12 May 2010 14:33:17 -0400
From: Jade <phantomscorpio77@gmail.com>
Subject: If You Could Read My Mind 8

Copyright 2010 by Jaden Lane, All Rights Reserved.  No part of this book
may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or
mechanical, including photocopying, recording , or by any information
storage and retrieval storage system, without permission in writing from
the copyright owner.  (Permission to post electronically is given to
www.nifty.org and its affiliated mirror sites only.)

This story is a work of fiction.  Any resemblances to any person, place, or
written works are purely coincidental.  It may contain depictions of sex.
Do not read if you find that objectionable or if it is illegal for you to
view this content for whatever the reason.

Comments, criticism, suggestions, feedback?  I'd really like to hear from
you, please let me know what you think @: phantomscorpio77@gmail.com.  Stop
by to see how things are going with the next chapter and other writing, or
if you are intersted in how to get a copy of my published book In This
Cruel World :) go to: www.myspace.com/phantomscorpio77

>>).:.(<<


If You Could Read My Mind


Bailey puts an arm around Megan to support her as they stand in line
outside the funeral home to get into the visitation of their late friend.
Now that they are at the funeral home the reality is weighing on Megan,
"We'd probably have been sledding out to The Shack with him if we still
lived here.  That could have been me on the machine with him instead of
Erica."

"You would have still rode with me Megs.  And Erica's going to be fine once
her leg heals.  I just can't believe of all people it was Kershaw," Megan
says, referring to one of the four Mike's in their old circle, all of which
went by their last names for identification amoungst friends.

Behind them another friend they grew up with explains the freak accident
that happened when their friend tried to avoid hitting a Moose on the snow
trail.  This is the first death most of the teenagers have dealt with
involving someone their own age and the viewing inside reflects it.  Many
parents are present to help their teenagers through the viewing, thus
making the room crowded beyond capacity and causing the long line ups just
to get in.

After a short time inside that seems like an eternity, Bailey needs to get
out and grab some air.  Leaving Megan with a handful of friends sorting
through pictures and reminiscing, Bailey passes another group of friends in
the luncheon area as he heads for a patio that has been designated as a
smoking area.

In the group of friends that he passes is his ex-boyfriend Jeremy.  The two
make prolonged eye contact as Bailey saunters by.  Before Bailey has his
cigarette lit Jeremy comes out to join him.  Despite whatever truth or
rumours people chose to believe when Bailey outed them, it wouldn't be
uncommon for them to be alone together as they were close friends the last
few years.

"How are you holding up," Jeremy asks from behind Bailey.

"I don't know.  I don't think it's sunk in.  I half expect him to be right
there behind me with you and jumping on my back and trying to mess my hair
up.  That just sent shivers down my spine, like I could feel him doing just
that," Bailey relates.

"Tell me about it!  He always loved messing up your pretty boy hair.
Except now he's gone," Jeremy says as the two face each other and hug.

Releasing the plutonic hug Bailey adds, "I know.  Poof.  Just like that his
story's written out of the big script of life."

"I don't remember you being philosophical," Jeremy whispers once the two
have found a corner in the funeral hall to talk privately.

"I've had a ton to think about Jer.  When you fuck up like I did I guess
it's a guilty conscience.  Sorry for what I did to you," Bailey says,
looking for forgiveness from his one time lover.

Jeremy's resigned to the fact that he'll always love Bailey, even if they
are not meant to be together, "I forgave you a long time back.  I just
didn't let you know because it sucked trying to deny it all.  How are you
doing Bale?"

Bailey sighs, "Alright I guess.  New city, new school, new friends, new
restaurant, no you, same old me.  Things are okay I guess.  How about you?"

Jeremy answers thoughtfully, "The shit storm's died down but never went
away.  Some people treat me different still.  Can't imagine what would
happen if I turned to them that day and said yes, I like sucking your dick
and want to fuck like bunnies with you!"

Bailey grins, "Really?  You wanted to?  Then why are we both still
virgins?"

"Shut up!  So any cute boys in Charlottetown," Jeremy asks.

Bailey nods, "Oh yeah, there definitely are some.  One has me pretty fucked
up actually."

"Do tell," Jeremy prompts with a little hurt jealousy prompting his
curiosity.

"He's super cute.  He's so sweet.  He works at the diner with us and he
makes my heart flutter.  Sorry, wrong person to tell," the excitement is
evident in Bailey's voice.

"It's coo.  Yeah, I just said coo; I'm straight remember...and impervious
to you," Jeremy kids.

"Yeah, you never gave in when I slipped my tongue in your mouth or my hand
down your pants," Bailey says and punctuates it by jutting his tongue
against the inside wall of his cheek.

"I think I was always the one to get things started," Jeremy scoffs.

Bailey waives his hands dismissively, "Details, details.  So yeah, you
can't let it get back to my parents but I'm a little insane over this guy."

Jeremy grunts, "He have a name?"

"It's sort of old-world or British or something.  Neville.  His friend
calls him Nev and I love it," Bailey beams.

Jeremy hates himself for asking but wants to know, "So you hook up with
him?"

"Nope, he's complicated," Bailey's words are echoed by an unintentional
furrow of his eyebrows.

Jeremy inclines his head and presses, "You going to hook up with him then?"

Bailey can see the hurt in his old boyfriend.  He takes it to mean that
Jeremy still has feelings too, despite what happened.  Not wanting to rub
salt in the wound he tries to fluff it off, "Not sure Jer.  Like I said,
he's complicated, maybe too complicated for me.  And once he finds out I
have to do community service he's so not going to be interested."

Jeremy's heart sinks a little, "So he's gay too?"

"I think so.  There's this other guy that works for us.  Huge dick, biceps,
chest and abs that show through any shirt he wears, bug muscle-butt that I
don't care for.  His face is too square and I think ugly, but Megs and
Neville both get hard over him wet their panties when he's not looking.
Yeah, Nev denies it but he has to play for our team," Bailey confirms.

A mildly sinister smile breaks across Jeremy, "Your team Bale.  I'm not
coming out until I go to McGill for university.  I'll live gay life to the
fullest there, eventually find a man and get hitched.  And when I come home
to visit the first time or the thousandth I'll always tell lies of all the
pussy I score."

"Your call man," Bailey rolls his eyes at the same line Jeremy's given him
since the two boys first confided in each other.

Jeremy steers the conversation away from his refusal to come out to family
and friends, "Yeah.  Hey, how'd you manage to still be allowed to work in
restaurants anyway?"

Comforted to just be talking with the boy he could have really loved
forever, Bailey leans back in a chair so that the front legs are lifted.
With his legs spread wide he rolls on the balls of his feet, "My parent's
lawyer is good I guess.  Technically I'm not supposed to be cooking for the
restaurant but it's not like I collect a paycheque so the government isn't
going to find out unless they install hidden cameras.  I'm never being that
stupid again though anyways.  Life was sweet here.  The new house is cool
with its super high ceilings and open concept going on, but it's draughty
and creepy and it's doesn't feel like home.  My bedroom used to be some
bank manager's office and the basement has these like weird torture
contraption looking things still bolted to the ground that supposedly made
dresses or curtains or something.  I'm telling you it's eerie like Tales
from the Crypt!"

Jeremy fondly remembers how easily Bailey can spook himself, seemingly
afraid of his own shadow.  It used to give him ample opportunity to comfort
him or hold him close, "Seriously?"

Nodding, Bailey explains the building, "Yeah.  There's like an abandoned
bar, a music store, and even a pool hall slash bowling alley in our
building.  Mom and Dad bought like a triplex or something, like you'd see
on Main St.  Everything's mothballed except a lawyer's office, and that
guy's so old he should be mothballed too.  So they had to buy an entire
building that combines home and work all under one roof.  It's the best
they could do, and all because of me."

Jeremy's meant to ask a couple times but just now is able to slip it into
the conversation, "So what community service did you have to do?"

Bailey stops rocking on the back legs of the chair and leans forward, his
elbows now resting on his thighs, "Still not sure yet.  I got transferred
to a Judge there and he's big on cleaning up and hard labour, nothing easy
like reading to an old lady or anything.  I think it's down to graffiti
cleanup of every public building or picking up garbage in parks and along
the highway.  Two hundred hours of it.  That's like 5 weeks of my summer.
Yup, I'm sure that'll be a selling point to Nev."

Instinctively Jeremy leans in a little closer to the guy he used to love to
kiss and hold, "Who knows maybe your charm can still win him over."

Resting his chin on the palm of his hand leaning a little closer himself to
Jeremy, Bailey jokes, "If it could work on you, it can work on anyone!"

Jeremy tries to deadpan, "Hey, I was just with you because it was
convenient!"

Bailey can smell the familiar minty coolness of Jeremy's gum, something he
just now realizes he's always associated with Jeremy, "Sha-right!  If that
was true we wouldn't both still be virgins!"

After looking both ways Jeremy winks at Bailey, "Oral still counts.
Letting you put your nasty in my mouth makes us not virgins."

"Touche.  But I think you liked it just as much as I did," Bailey says as
the two look each other deeply in the eyes.

Realizing how close they are getting, both lean back and create more space,
partly for anyone looking on but mostly so they don't succumb to old
feelings.  Bailey indicates the hallway crowded with people paying respects
to their late friend by nodding his head in that direction, "I wonder if
Kershaw ever got his blown before he left us.  Hopefully he did."

Jeremy lets out an exaggerated breath, "Yeah, it would suck dying and the
first person to ever touch you there is a mortician."

"It would just plain suck to be dead at our age," Bailey corrects him.

Jeremy is pensive, "Scary isn't it?"

"Fuck yeah," Bailey acknowledges before the two fall into an introspective
silence.

After a few minutes of silence another friend leaving the viewing and
crying loudly snaps them out of their silent reflection.  Making eye
contact again Jeremy inquires about Bailey's best friend growing up, Mike
Smith, "Hey, where are you and Megan staying?  Smitty's?"

"No, Megs could stay with Kelly, but were all staying with Aunt Pat and
Uncle Nick.  Like I could even crash with the Smith's, having come out and
all.  Smitty probably doesn't want or need me on his floor, it could be as
bad for his rep as I was for you.  I did run into him in line, he doesn't
seem to mind I play for the other team.  He wasn't all freaked out by me
but it's not exactly like we're best friends anymore either.  Far from it
now," Bailey answers.

Jeremy's a little surprised, "Oh, did you come with Mike?  I didn't see
him."

"No, met him here when we were waiting to get in," Bailey relates.

"You sticking around for the weekend," Jeremy asks with a hint of hope in
his voice.

"Nah, just the service, then driving back home.  We have to relieve the
hands at work.  And it's not exactly the time for a reunion," Bailey says
as he grinds the toe of his shoe into the ground.

"Well I'm going to get back to the gang, come with?  And Bale, it's good to
see you again," Jeremy says and hugs Bailey.

"You too Jer, you too.  I'm really sorry I screwed things up so bad for
you," Bailey hugs back.

Jeremy can't help himself, "If you really are just do me a favour and tell
everyone you made the part about me up because you had a crush on me.  Some
will still act like dicks to you I'm sure but you know, I think that most
everyone's happy to see you again, gay or not.  Just have to be under
better circumstances next time."

Bailey agrees, "Amen to that!"

Jeremy makes a little sound of amusement, almost a choked laugh, "You
religious now?"

Bailey smiles, "Not overly, but the boy I'm falling in love with is.  Just
practicing for him."

"If he's half as good as you hope he is, you deserve him.  If he asks for
letters of reference I can vouch that you're a pretty decent boyfriend
yourself," Jeremy says as he starts walking back to the room their friends
are in.

>>).:.(<<

With Bailey and Megan gone along with Cathy and Jonas to the funeral it's
just Brooke, Neville and Josh running the diner that evening.  Neville's
dreading talking with Brooke and not sure what he's going to say.  After
helping Josh clean the kitchen once the doors are closed the three sit down
to talk and eat.  Over a grilled turkey sandwich, salad, and bowl of
chicken noodle soup Neville's still trying to figure out a way to leave
with Josh and bail on his promised talk with Brooke when Kelsey taps on the
front door like she often does.

Neville's stuck now, `So much for skipping out on Brooke.  I should have
just left earlier without eating.  Ah Kelsey thanks for trapping me without
knowing.  I should have known you were waiting on him.  Here you are, right
on cue to sneak off with Josh and get a little nookie before he goes home.
Such a faithful girlfriend.  And look at him light up over you.  He could
have any guy or girl he wants and you got him.  Lucky bitch.'

Brooke is on the same wavelength, teasing Josh as she turns the deadbolt to
let him out, "Need a room there Josh?  There are a few free beds upstairs
tonight.  You two can stay in one room and Neville can stay in another."

"Nah, we've got a few places we can sneak around in, but we have to go to
her sister's dance recital or something way too early in the morning to
stay out too late messing around, so we don't need to get comfortable,"
Josh says while pretending to shoot himself in the head with a finger-gun.

Returning to the table Brooke laughs, "Looks like someone's getting some
action tonight."

`Now she's going to start drilling me.  Brooke wants secrets?  She wants to
know my story, my family, and my living situation?  This should throw her
off that,' Neville hopes as he reveals, "I used to hate Kelsey but what can
you do?  He has to know I used to love him more, but that worked to her
advantage, drove him right to her.  I think he almost really loves her,
even if he's getting some action on the side.  I'd have even settled for
that once upon a time, to polish his knob on the side but I just recently
found out the thought of me liking him really disturbs him.  So now I have
to lie to him and say it's because I'm envious of his body and swear to him
that I'm not gay.  Stupid me for falling in love with a straight guy."

Brooke is totally floored by Neville's honesty, "What?"

It's worked for him again; his best defence is a strong offence so he
continues, "I know I'm right but just tell me this, Bailey's one of us too
isn't he?  I wasn't barking up the wrong tree when I kissed him was I?
Josh was always just a fantasy and I know he's straight.  But your brother?
I'll die if I'm wrong because I haven't been able get him out of my mind
since he sat next to me in class your first day here.  You know I hated him
at first because I knew right away something in him was going to break my
resolve?"

Brooke hugs Neville and almost screeches in delight, "He walks into walls
because of you!  He rubs your laundry against his face when he folds it for
you and Mom found one of your shirts under his pillow!"

Neville can't believe what he's just done.  To hide one secret he's offered
up another.  Now Brooke is going to be pushing for him to hook up with
Bailey.  The threat of his living situation getting out is now even
greater.  He has to stop it somehow, "Well he's just going to have to be
patient because as slight as I am, I do have a ton of baggage that I carry
around.  It's almost literally what makes me so scrawny.  You only hit the
tip of the iceberg at school today about my home life.  We're not even
going there now so don't get your hopes up.  You don't know how hard it is
to even let you know this much."

"How about you make us root beer floats while I go check on Bethany?  I
left her friend's phone number upstairs, I'll be back in a jiffy.  Then you
can tell me all about it," Brooke suggests as Neville gets up to wash their
dishes.

After Brooke returns from calling Bethany who is staying over with a new
friend for the night, and they've finished their floats while discussing
Bailey, Neville tries to force Brooke's hand and get her to send him on his
way for the evening by pretending to try and con an invitation to stay the
night out of her, "Are you going to be okay by yourself tonight?  Do you
need some company?  If not I should be on my way."

Brooke and Megan have wondered just what goes on with Neville when he's not
at school or at work.  They've discussed it and Josh has given them the
same muddy picture he gave Bailey, one that doesn't make sense.  Cathy and
Jonas have been curious as well, more because Neville hasn't produced
anything tangible for his employment documentation yet.  While Brooke and
Bailey have gently tried to push their parents to lay off, Brooke is now
more concerned than ever because Josh directed her to a hiding spot where
Neville has taken to sleeping at during the school lunch break.  Letting
him stay the night gives her more time to pump him for whatever information
he'll divulge.

Thinking he's sincere and not knowing he's hoping to get the brush-off, she
doesn't make Neville struggle, "Fishing for an invite?  I already offered
you and Josh.  Yeah, I wouldn't mind the company.  Bailey's bed is free.
If you promise not to mess in it.  And you can't let him know I let you
sleep in it either, he'll hurt himself humping the mattress that you slept
on."

Neville smiles, "Maybe he already has; he let me sleep in it most of the
night when I stayed over, before I kicked him out of the pull-out and sent
him to his cloud-bed."

"You guys didn't get it on that night did you?"

Following Brooke around as she checks the doors once more and turns off the
lights he reveals, "No, we hugged in the morning.  It was weird because we
both wanted it but both pretended like we didn't.  That's my take on it
anyways.  I kissed him in the afternoon and that's the extent of it so far.
Oh, wait, he gave me the most amazing foot massage when I was half asleep.
It would have been a little Hannibal Lector-esque for sure if I didn't like
him, like, like-like him, and he didn't go any further.  It just felt so
good I couldn't say anything because I didn't want him to know I was awake
and I didn't want him to stop.  And as you tell me, he's the one that folds
my clothes and sleeps with one of my tee-shirts."

Wanting to ask why Neville doesn't want to go home but not sure how to, she
just teases him as she leads him into Bailey's room, "Well I'm sure there's
a shirt of his in here that you can tuck under the pillow or hold onto like
a safety blanket when you sleep.  Or socks if that's your thing or whatever
else."

Neville doesn't follow, "Huh?"

Brooke is not shy, "I don't know.  His foot massage.  Maybe you're one of
those people that have a thing for feet?  You did take a pair of his
socks."

Neville instantly tenses, having just been busted for stealing Bailey's
socks, "What?"

Brooke laughs and heads for the door, "A foot fetish.  Some people like to
suck on toes and for you boys, spooge on them.  Wow, you are so innocent!"

Neville follows around the house as she turns off lights and double checks
the doors, "No, I only like the bulges.  You know dicks and bums and pecks.
It doesn't hurt to have nice arms, abs, and faces.  Just your basic normal
stuff for a not-so-normal sock stealing homo boy.  I didn't mean to steal
his socks.  I guess they just got in my bag.  I'll give them back!"

"Don't bother.  Baby-bro got a boner when he saw you wearing his socks.
Take more of his clothes if you want to start things slow with him.  Just
let him know he has a chance at what's underneath them," Brooke says as she
heads for her and Megan's room.

"I guess I'll just make myself comfortable," Neville questions as he
follows Brooke into her room.

She reaches for her shirt, "Well I'm going to bed buddy, you go have a
shower and then pick whatever you want out of Bailey's stuff if you want
something to sleep in.  Pyjama pants and boxer thingies are in his bureau,
shorts and shirts are somewhere in his dresser.  I'm sure he'll love for
you to sleep in whatever for him."

Neville asks, "Uh, what are you doing?"

Brooke can't believe his reaction.  To her it's priceless how he averts his
eyes, "Undressing.  Leave your clothes on the floor in the bathroom and
I'll toss it all in the wash with mine."

"Yeah but you're a girl, and we're friends I really shouldn't be seeing
this," Neville jokes.

"You the one that followed me!  You boys are always so shy, especially the
ones that have no reason to be.  Hurry up, I have to be up early to open
the restaurant tomorrow."

Neville undresses in the bathroom and disappears behind nearly opaque glass
into what he'd almost consider a shower room.  The five sided corner shower
is large enough that he could lay down and stretch out different ways;
between shorter walls parallel to longer walls and from the diagonal door
to main corner opposite it.

`Heck, I could almost fit a mattress in here comfortably unlike the shower
stall I sleep in!  Everything looks so new about this shower, I bet the
last owners upgraded this bathroom just to help sell the place,' He
absently observes to himself, unaware that Brooke has already snuck in and
gathered the still warm from his body clothes to wash.

Once Brooke has the laundry started she sneaks back into the bathroom,
thinking catching him naked and defenceless he might just divulge his
secrets.  Waiting until she can make out through the dark smoked glass
walls that he is rinsing his unruly hair with his eyes shut between and
under the cascading streams of water, Brooke gets in the large shower and
closes the door behind her.

Sluicing shampoo from long locks that he's recently been trying to tame,
Neville feels a slight draught on his back.  He screams and jumps forward
when Brooke wraps her hand around his manhood.  She just laughs, "See, you
are too modest!  I may not have firsthand experience with the real thing,
but this size doesn't hang from the small or medium hooks in the sex shop.
You're not even hard and the toy Megs and I have isn't this thick or this
long."

"Brooke, can you take your hand off it please?  Uh, I know it's your house
and all, but I'd really like to maybe not have you walk in on me naked.
And maybe finish the shower alone," Neville pulls away from her and tries
to cover up.

"Don't have a heart attack.  Your body's not that bad you know, and you
have a cute bum, for a boy.  Sheesh, relax!  Even if you're embarrassed
that you're getting hard right now, we're both gay.  It's not like my
nipples are getting hard in response.  C'mon have a little fun and have a
shower with me!"

Neville backs up all the way to the wall, the water taps pressing into his
back as he looks to escape the shower stall.  Yet he can't help but look at
Brooke's breasts as she mentions them, "Uh.  They look hard to me."

The shower takes a turn neither see coming.  They don't intend for it to
become sexual, but beneath the crisscrossing sprays of warm water in the
steamy shower Neville loses his virginity.  One thing leads to another and
it's mutual curiosity rather than desire that leads to the act.  They don't
think, they just act and react as it happens.  Afterwards neither knows
what to say.

While Neville is rummaging through Bailey's things for something to sleep
in Brooke walks in on him and pulls him completely unclothed into Bailey's
bed with her.  In bed with the lights still on, staring at an equally
unclothed Brooke, Neville finally snaps out of his daze, "I can't believe
we did that.  You don't like boys, I don't like girls, so pray tell what
the fuck was that?  You're not the Regan I was hoping to sleep in this bed
with, and quite frankly you're not even the sex I intended to give my
virginity to!"

"It's kind of cute, but you should trim the jungle," Brooke ignores his
confessions and grabs for his exposed member under the sheets that again
reacts to her touch, "Ah!  It's alive!"

"Yeah, it's been known to do that when it gets touched.  Let go, please?  I
didn't know we were going to shower together.  I didn't know we were going
to do that."

"Yeah well who knew when you get a boner it thickens about much as it
lengthens?"

"I did.  Yup, to date it was me and only me.  I'm a little flattered that
you're impressed, but it's something I hope to impress a boy with, namely
your brother," Neville says.  He can't deny that he is again hard, and he's
still not sure why.  It's not the sight of Brooke, if anything she keeping
it from reaching its complete firmness in the shower.  He thinks back to
his youngest brother, `Trevor used to tease me about this, that I was
bigger than Mike or Seth.  It's bigger than a lot of what I spy on in the
hockey change rooms, and still smaller than some.  Smaller than Josh I
think, he should do porn with everything he has going on for him, in my
eyes at least.  Meanwhile I'm waiting on an invitation to see what Bailey's
got, and his lesbian sister experiences me first. '

Brooke starts stroking out of curiosity, "Can I?"

"No!  Brooke, stop.  Please!  This is really FUBAR."

"Huh?"

"Fucked up beyond all recognition," He explains the acronym.

"Sorry.  I'm just curious what the big fuss is about.  Don't worry, I
haven't just had an epiphany and realized I like guys.  Sorry I touched
you.  But weren't you curious?  To be with a girl and see what it does.
Like I know you're gay and guys are your thing, but didn't you ever wonder
sometimes what would happen anyways?"

"No."

"Not at all?  Like I try to understand Megan and why she and you find Josh
so hot when I don't even think he's all that good looking to be frank.
He's certainly not the quintessential star quarterback Hunky McDreamboat.
I do get why she and Bailey both check you out.  When you forget to scowl
and don't realize you're smiling and you're just letting go you're decently
handsome.  You don't ever think a girl's pretty?  Aren't you even curious?"

"No.  To be honest, no.  Never felt much of anything for a girl.  Tall or
short, black, white, Asian or Native, pretty or ugly, fat or anorexic,
blonde, black, brunette, red or bald; you've always just been girls.  I
mean yeah, I'd prefer the hotter ones as friends if I cared, but that's
about it.  I tried to like girls, Seth even used to flash Trevor and me his
girlfriend's tits, thinking he was doing us a favour.  Now Trevor, I think
it worked for him.  Me, if anything it would kill an erection.  Like now."

"You mean this isn't it?  Wait, who the heck are Seth and Trevor?"

"Someone.  I mean no one, they're both no one.  Sorry, never mind.
Sometimes I make stuff up, okay?  But, yeah, even now with you doing that
I'm hard, but not hard," Neville says and then tries to deflect the
attention to his latest slip of the tongue, "I know I always tried my best
to stand out to other guys and have them like me, even get them to notice
me.  And I'd get sweaty hands and my heart would race and it took me a
while before I even noticed it happening and even longer to understand.
But I've understood I'm gay for a few years now."

"That's cool.  So it gets harder than this?  Show me?" She continues to
grope Neville much more extensively than she did in the shower, "Oh wow.
Bailey's right.  Don't hurt him with that!"

"It's nothing special, pretty average," Neville blushes, all the while
denying that he's decently endowed.

Brooke lightly taps her free index finger on the tip of Neville's nose,
"It's special enough to me now; big, small, or average."

"This is like science class to you isn't it?  I'm ten fucking shades of red
and you're like `Wow, a penis.  It's as long as my forearm and as thick as
his wrist, but the bush is ugly.  What kind of stimulation does it react
to.  If I touch it, it twitches, but he says it's deflating.  What would
happen if my brother touched it?  What would happen if Bailey massaged his
prostate?'  Well, that last one was more for me now that I'm actually doing
this for you!"

Still touching him she laughs, "You're a little generous with the length
there!  Yeah, I'm a lot more fascinated than I would have thought.  The
bush just needs trimming.  Your nut sac is ugly; I'd shave that thing and
maybe behind it too before you play show and tell with Bailey.  He spends
hours pruning himself for you.  But again I ask you, weren't you at least
the slightest bit curious too?"

"No, I wasn't.  Fine.  You want to see it?  Like in a totally non sexual
way this time?  Step off," Neville says and swats her hand away, taking a
sitting position against the headboard with his legs spread wide, working
to show Brooke his full size.

`We may have just started a life by doing what we did.  It's just about
perfect timing, almost four weeks since Bailey told me to star on my
calendar.  If she gets pregnant from that it won't work.  If a kid comes
from this I want it to be for want of having one, not because we went too
far while exploring how not-turned on we are by the opposite sex.  What is
she thinking?  What were we thinking?  Oh well.  God's child, born of the
desire to procreate rather than to confirm our blasphemy.  Now I have to
get her to go for it again somehow; have to make it count for something
this time.'

Collapsing into a sweaty pile after both achieving orgasm there is no post
coital passion, just two young adults unable to make eye contact.  Both are
deeply worried about what they've done, for very different reasons.
Neville's regret far outweighs Brooke's; again he's been weak and given
into evil temptation, a temptation that flies in the face of his much
larger transgression of homosexuality.

All Brooke says is, "Shut the lights will you?"

When Brooke is asleep Neville's mind is still racing, `How can she be so
unaffected by this?  This is huge, like life altering huge.  If she gets
pregnant it has ramification on the rest of our lives.  I'm not ready to be
a father at all, and I'm a vagrant on top of everything else!  Good Lord,
what have I done?'

When sleep won't come and allay Neville of his fretting he rises and slips
into a pair of pants and a long sleeve shirt from Bailey's hamper.  Finding
a crushed package of cigarettes still in the pocket, Neville looks around
for a lighter in the bedroom that is lit more by the moon than the night
light.  Eventually he finds one by a cluster of candles.  He steps barefoot
through a door onto the fire escape that doubles as a small patio for
Bailey.  Rather than sit on the metal wicker chair he climbs the ladder to
the roof.

Ignoring the complaints he's registering from his bare feet, he walks
across the snow-covered gravel rooftop to the near side of the building and
looks down at the barren intersection below.  Lighting up the cigarette his
mind wanders to the rooftop scene he remembers from The Basketball Diaries
and beyond, `Well kid, you're in the majors now.  You should have stuck to
filling tissues like the movie, or in my case painting shower tiles with my
baby batter.  Or better yet, not giving in to wicked temptation at all.

Wonder if Dad would take me back in now, proud as Hell that I apparently am
cured of my evil homosexuality, or if he'd still plan to remove his
paternal mistake from the face of God's green earth for this sin instead?
Neville, ha!  I never realized at the time I chose it that it has EVIL
spelled out right in it.  How fitting; I clearly am evil.  I wonder if he
turns out to be evil too in the books?  Forget Lord Voldemort, I'd watch
out for that one Harry!'

When Neville next pays attention to the mangled cigarette it has already
burned out in his fingers without his help beyond the first few puffs to
get it lit.  There's one more in the pack but he doesn't care to light it,
not being a smoker in the first place.  Giving in to the severe chill
running through his body, he looks to the moon as he crosses the rooftop
back to the ladder and clumsily navigates his way down it on numb feet.
The song Memory from the musical Cats plays through his mind.  How he'd
love to have had an opportunity to see that show.

Once inside his body complains even more as his feet start to warm.  He
knows he won't be getting much sleep until his mind finally wears itself
out tonight so he limps downstairs to the upright piano and tries to coax
some resemblance out of the ebony and ivory keys to the song that is on
feedback loop in his mind.  With limited success he switches to a Bette
Midler song his sister Kristen taught him back in better days.  If his
rendition of The Rose wakes Brooke he has no idea, she's fast asleep when
he finally gets under the sheets to sleep.

When Brooke wakes to the alarm Neville turns it off and looks at her.  He
didn't sleep much through the night while she snuggled her body up to his
under her brother's sweaty sheets and slept deeply.  As her hazel eyes
focus and settle on his green windows to the world he states, "I think we
screwed up, big time."

"Ya think?  Like twice," She agrees.

"Uh, maybe twice for you, sorta three times for me."

"What?  You mean you...both times?  Even twice one of the times?"

"Uh, yeah," He says through the side of his mouth as he nervously bites at
his bottom lip.

Truly surprised, Brooke goes on a verbal tirade, "A little fucking trigger
happy aren't you?  I didn't think it was doing anything for you, you seemed
to go soft.  How could you be so stupid?  Why the hell didn't you pull
out?"

"I tried to in bed but you said you were almost there and you wouldn't let
me stop.  And both times you reached orgasm and wouldn't let me go, I uh,
reached orgasm too.  How couldn't you know that?"

"It was my first time with the real thing!  It's not like I have any
practice with someone actually attached to one!"

"It was my first time too.  I've never done anything with anyone else.  I
hardly ever even, you know, by myself?  And then a long time ago I pretty
much stopped that altogether too, when I lost so much weight because I
would faint every time.  It got to the point I didn't even want to risk
passing out from it and literally getting caught with my dick in my hands
in the shower or even in bed 'cause sometimes I'd be out for a while.
Yeah, things were getting real bad there for a while.  Dear God, you
wouldn't believe how bad."

"No, some of us saw that.  Like you were literally starving to death when
you first came in that day bargaining for pancakes," She says and cocks
both eyes for emphasis.

Neville looks away.  That's a dark spot in his life he will always
remember, but doesn't care to dwell over or reflect upon right now.  A
deafening silence ensues.

Brooke quietly inquires, "What-the-fuck-are-we-going-to-do?"

"I don't know.  I mean it's not, oh shit!  It is almost four weeks since
the storm.  Is it, uh," He says, knowing leading her while playing dumb.

"Almost time for my period?  Yeah," She confirms.

He thinks he's found a peace with the idea.  It's not what he'd wanted but
he can't change it now.  If she is pregnant he'll just have to deal with
it.  For her benefit he acts a little distraught, "Oh fuck."

"Have a shower and help me open the restaurant," Brooke commands.

"We didn't flip the laundry did we?"

"Just dress in Bailey's stuff, and get the restaurant open.  I have to take
care of this."

He's concerned, "How?"

Brooke meekly explains, "Megan and I have a shower attachment that goes
where you went."

"Uh, that probably won't work you know.  The shit's pretty waterproof.  It
doesn't just rinse off in the shower without help," Neville informs her.

She's pretty sure it would be ineffective too if she were to actually try
to prevent a pregnancy with it.  But she's not even going to try.  If she's
pregnant Megan will be angered by the method, but supportive.  The idea
they've had is for Megan to get pregnant after she's graduated high school
by Bailey so that the child they have is biologically her niece or nephew,
and Megan's son or daughter.  Only they both know Bailey doesn't have it in
him to come through for them, he likes the idea of being the father to
their child but is quite repulsed by the required act to make it happen at
the same time.

The timing isn't perfect, Brooke was to have their second child some time
after Megan according to their fantasy plans.  But still, she graduates
from school this year and will be months from it should she give birth to a
child just begotten.  If fate has it that Brooke is pregnant while Megan
finishes her last year of high school before they move on to university
together, it doesn't follow their plan but it's not the worst thing that
could happen either.

Brooke is very fond of Neville as a person and despite the allure of his
mysteries and his questionable back story he is a genuinely kind and gentle
guy in her eyes and he has enough gentle features to hopefully father a
decent looking and well mannered child.  To say that she trapped him
wouldn't be a far stretch of the truth, but at the same time it was not
pre-meditated.

She doesn't want anything of him other than what he already gave her.  His
blessing in having the child should she conceive, sure, and to be in the
picture as the child grows would be a bonus too, but she and Megan would be
prepared to go on without either.  Still, she hopes he's accepting of her
desire to have the child should she be pregnant, which in her mind is
premature to even really waste time wondering about.  Still, the prospect
tempts her rather than terrifies her.

Getting her parents to accept her decisions will be a larger worry down the
road.  But for now she wants to alleviate Neville's mind and then to win
Megan's support.  All in all she's excited while feeling little
trepidation.  She starts her day by reminding herself over and over that
nothing is certain at the moment.

She offers him a supportive smile, "Neville, cutie, go have a shower and
then put that thing away before I get mad and Bobbit it.  And pretend you
went home and just came back early if anyone asks."

>>).:.(<<

Neville feels many layers of guilt in the late afternoon when the family
returns from the morning funeral in Moncton, `Hey Megan, I had sex with
your girlfriend twice.  Some friend I am.  Hi Cathy and Jonas.  I just made
you grandparents to be.  Thanks for giving me a job and not harassing me
about my working for you illegally.  Bet you'll regret that for the rest of
your days.  Hey Bailey, don't smile so freely at me; you just came from a
funeral and even worse, while you're all shaken up over that I boinked your
sister.  Some friend I am again.

Yeah, never mind that I really want to boink with you.  Some prospective
boyfriend I am.  Oh yeah, and I helped myself to my favourites of your
clothes.  I'm head to toe in your clothes on the outside, as I see you've
noticed.  Wow, I think everyone can see you've noticed.  Bet you're
wondering if I'm wearing your stuff under your tan pants too.  Yup, I'm
digging the fashion label jockstrap that's cradling something I wanted to
give to you but used to make you an uncle instead.  If it cheers you up I
put on the same fashion label socks in case you have one of those foot
attraction thingees.  Sorry to tease you buddy, sorry I cheated on you with
your sister.  You deserve to like someone better than me.

 Well, there we have it.  Something is wrong with me.  They were right all
along; I must be spawn of the Devil. Oh my God, Neville's just a few
letters away from Devil.  I need to see a priest, pronto.'

Josh pulls Neville out of his self-condemnation, looking at an early
edition sports news story on the television Josh taps him on the shoulder,
"Hey Nev, can you believe our Bruins are actually going to trade Ray
Borque?  I'll burn anything I have with their logo if they do, or give it
all to you.  Especially if they trade him to the stupid Flyers."

Happy for any distraction he engages Josh, "I don't know.  We've got
Thorton and Samsonov, and Dafoe's been pretty solid.  I don't get why
they're so bad this year, but Borque's near retirement, maybe we can get
some good players for him."

It's more amazement than surprise that Josh feels when he realizes
Neville's been able to keep up on their favourite team despite his
homelessness.  The scale in his mind is slowly tipping towards just letting
sleeping dogs lie, `If Nev's able to maintain work and stay up on current
events, all the while consistently being the top student in our grade,
maybe what he has works for him.  Maybe he doesn't need his life disrupted.
Then again, imagine what he could pull off if he had a proper home?'

After he's changed at the end of his shift Neville corners Brooke, "Have
you told anyone?"

"No!  My head's been swimming all day.  I feel all funny.  I don't know
what I'm going to do," She reveals.

Neville face drains of colour, "You mean like you can feel a baby already?"

"No jackass!  I feel sore.  Megan and I don't slam each other the same way
you and I did.  When we're rough we're still more gentle than having you do
it," Brooke snaps back.

"Are you guys going curling tomorrow?  I called and asked Laura to cover my
shift tomorrow so that I can go to church.  I need to seriously pray.  And
we need to talk.  You know the big church a block over on the other side of
the courthouse?  Can you meet me there around maybe ten tomorrow morning?"

"Yeah."

Neville turns back to ask Bailey if he can borrow his pants for tomorrow,
as he doesn't want to wear jeans or his own dirty pair of khakis to church.
When he returns to grab his book-bag from the storage room he just changed
in minutes ago Bailey is picking up the folded clothes Neville had
borrowed.  Before clearing his throat to announce his presence Neville
watches Bailey tuck the royal blue undergear back into the pants and
inspect the mostly white socks, "Sorry.  Had a spill this morning and
Brooke made me change into your clothes.  I also swiped a pair of your
socks a while back by mistake.  I'll buy you new stuff to replace them,
whatever you want.  I shouldn't have even given this stuff back to you, I'm
sorry.  I'll replace what I wore."

"It's fine.  Don't fret.  It was just surprising to see you in my clothes
when we walked in.  Like fully in my clothes," Bailey says while trying to
not convey any excitement.

"Uh, about that then, can I borrow the Dockers again for tomorrow?  My good
pants are stained and I need something decent for church," Neville asks.

Bailey is still wearing a nice dress shirt that goes with the tan pants
well enough so he takes it off and his belt too, and hands them with the
pants to Neville, "Here.  I know you're good for returning them.  Plus, I
know where you work if not!"

It's a question Neville uses to throw people off, but one he's actually
very passionate about.  Out of left field he asks, "Batman or Superman;
who's cooler?"

"Batman, hands down," Bailey says as Neville falls for him just a little
more.

Neville throws his arms around Bailey and hugs him tight for the briefest
of moments, digging his hands into the sleeveless undershirt that Bailey
has taken to wearing after himself, much like he started wearing one to
emulate Josh.  Intoxicated by the cologne he loves on Bailey, he also gives
him another quick peck on the cheek before letting go and giving him a more
sports oriented `way to go' pat on the top of his butt.  Pulling the
fashion jockstrap from the pants, he balls it up and presses it into the
hands of a completely shocked Bailey, "You're a Godsend and I don't deserve
a friend like you.  Thanks so much for being you!  Love you, gotta go."

Bailey can't even form words quick enough before Neville has zoomed out the
back door and is jogging down the slushy back ally.  He doesn't see the
tears that Neville felt coming on and raced to conceal, he only hears the
words resonate in his mind, `Love you?  Did he just say he loves me?'

Along the service way he sneaks through, just past the Zamboni Neville
notices a set of keys on the ground beside a freshly changed garbage pail.
Not just any keys but a master set to the arena that one of the employees
has lost and is searching for.  When he navigates the still populated arena
and sneaks into his Bat-cave the first thing he does after neatly laying
out the clothes is take the opportunity to sneak into both change rooms on
the far side of the hallway from the two flanking his hidden home.

The teams he saw out on the ice are higher skill level guys, and that means
most of those guys strip completely before dressing in their hockey gear,
and have to come to the arena in suits and ties.  He checks all the bags
until he settles on a sporty pair of no-show ankle length socks that he
thinks Bailey will like if he has a thing for feet and socks.  Based on
some of the taboo underwear he rummaged through in Bailey's drawers, he
swipes a pair of short boxer briefs that he deems to be the cutest and most
sexy.  He hopes to flash a little of them to Bailey when he wears them, if
Bailey will ever even look his way again once he finds out he had sex with
Brooke that is.

He also grabs a tie and out of the few that are his size, he selects the
pair of dress shoes that he deems to be the most versatile for the
different styles of clothing in his wardrobe.  He hides these stolen items
in a plastic bag inside an old mop bucket and covers them with a broken
door latch that lets players handle it with gloves on to get on and off the
ice.  This is just in case Davis comes looking his way for the stolen
items.  He also returns the keys to roughly the same area he found them so
that it looks like the owner didn't look hard enough for them if he even
knows they're missing yet.  He hopes that if someone thinks they were
stolen and puts it together with the missing clothing that it at least
looks like anyone could have done it and nothing directly points to him.

Not sticking around is also a good idea.  If he's not in the arena at the
time of the crime he can't be faulted for it.  With his book-bag over his
shoulder he heads upstairs and grabs a hot dog from the concession and
takes a seat in the stands.  Pulling out some homework he engrosses himself
in it while the game plays on.  To drill the point in to Davis that he's
afraid to sneak into the occupied hallways to the change rooms and his
hidey-home, he remains in the stands as Davis clears the ice for the next
game and makes sure to wave to him as he circles the ice surface on the
Zamboni.  Like many other times, to drive the notion that he only sneaks
into his home when everyone is gone, Neville stays in stands doing homework
for the entirety of the remaining two games also.

Back in his Bat-cave for the night after the commotion from both dressing
rooms has long since subsided, he asses his situation again.  The calm
acceptance of earlier in the day is gone as he realizes that while his
clothes may be a lot cleaner nowadays and he has a healthier appearance
than he's had in a long time, he still can't manage to shower on a daily
basis depending on his and the arenas schedules.  He has limited funds for
basic necessities, but that still consists mainly of bread and soups, still
augmented only at times with canned or sliced meats.  Fruits are still a
luxury item, as is being the first owner of any clothing, underwear
included.  If a baby can live quietly hidden in a draughty arena on a bed
made of stolen towels and shredded newspaper, wear previously worn diapers
and eat frugally off of dented-specials and value brand cans of soup and
low grade meat then he's all set for fatherhood.  Otherwise he's completely
screwed.

[to be continued]