Date: Sat, 03 Jan 2004 02:17:22 +0000 From: Matt417 _ <dressedtokill41787@hotmail.com> Subject: I'll See You Soon - Chapter 1 Disclaimer: This is a work of pure fiction and involves romance/sex between male teenagers. If this offends you, or is illegal in your country or state/province, do not read any further. Any comments and/or constructive criticism can be sent to dressedtokill41787@hotmail.com Copyright(c) 2004 All rights reserved. I'll See You Soon - Chapter One by matt417 *** It never lasts. Not with gay guys anyway. The reality was ever present, but in my mind, I kept pushing myself to believe that there was really someone out there. Just for me. I had convinced myself since early childhood that I would fall in love one day. It was as if a fairy tale were burned into my conscious. And the fairy tale would never go away. Well I guess it makes sense seeing as my favorite movie as a child was Beauty and the Beast. I actually counted the number of times I watched that movie, and I lost count somewhere around 32. My name is Matt. I'm 16 years old, and let's be honest. I'm not an Abercrombie and Fitch model, I'm not tall, I don't have blond hair, and my eyes are far from blue. That's not to say that I'm ugly. I'm 5'8", but for the record let's say I'm 5'9" since I haven't checked my height since the summer. I weigh 150 lbs., I've been working out since I was 14, so I have muscle, but I'm not exactly a bodybuilder. Actually I can bench 250 pounds, which is more than any other 16 year old that I know, but I'll stop bragging now because I don't want you to think that I'm some self-absorbed asshole. I have black hair, brown eyes, oh but wait, every asian has black hair and brown eyes. Yeah I'm asian. Korean, actually. But I've never really considered myself to be korean. I look like it I guess, but the culture never really sunk in. I can speak a few words of it, but all in all, my ancestors would beat me with a stick if they saw how white-washed I am. I speak perfect English, I have no accent, I don't even have any asian friends or celebrate any korean traditions. I think when I was really young, I wanted to be white. See, I live in a conservative town, very rich, very... white. When I went to school, I was the only asian. Plus, I was born in Canada and lived here all my life, so naturally, my culture is totally North American. That would explain why I used to be fat. I mean 175 pounds fat. At age 13. Some of you might think that's not sooo bad, but I mean come on, it was still overweight. I made a commitment at the age of 13 that I would lose weight. I was tired of looking like a ball, so I decided to take on weightlifting, since I was pretty much no good at sports and too embarassed to try new sports. So I bought a weight bench, a barbell and a set of dumbells, and started to pump some iron during the summer between Grade 8 and 9. I wanted to make a complete transformation going into high school. Of course, I had absolutely no clue as to what I was doing at first with the weightlifting, but I found some info on the net and in fitness mags, so yeah, along with weightlifting, a bit of jogging, and 2 months of a vegetarian diet, I lost almost 20 pounds. On the first day of school in Grade 9, everyone was amazed. And my teachers were saying, "Matt? You've lost a lot of weight. What'd you do?" And I just responded, "Oh? Have I lost weight? Well, I really didn't do anything in the summer." I loved the feeling. But I knew I still wasn't as good a physical specimen that I could be. I'd been told many times that I'm cute, and too many times I've been told, "You're the hottest asian guy I've ever seen!" As if to imply that most asian guys are ugly, which they are in my opinion. Hey, like I said, I'm white-washed. Anyway, over the past two years, I've gained lots of muscle, lost lots of baby fat, and I'm lookin' pretty good now. I'm sorry if you're getting bored, but it's essential that you know who I am before you read into my story. You see, I think I'm about the most different person that you could ever find. I really don't fit into any categories. I'm gay, but straight-acting, smart but not a nerd, built but not a jock, Korean but really Canadian, horny but monogamous. I mean what the hell? I don't fit into any one category, do I? That must be why it was so hard making friends at first. There weren't very many people who I was compatible with. And maybe that's why I always need someone to break the ice before I can open up to them. So now I'm 16. I've accepted that I'm gay, but only a select few of my friends know. And they're great friends, really. But sometimes you feel like you need more than a friend. Sometimes friendship just doesn't cut it. Even the closest of friendships isn't good enough. Call me a romantic idiot, but sometimes what every one of us needs is romance. Intimacy at the highest of levels. Don't you ever feel like you just wanna be with someone and be able to hold them? And just that physical aspect of being held by someone makes you feel safer than you've ever been in your entire life. To be able to trust that person with everything and anything that's important to you, and being able to express that love you have for that person along with the physical attraction and feeling of closeness, that concept has captured my heart and has never let go. Nobody told me what a ride it would be. *** It was a dark and stormy night. The lady's horse raced towards the castle, desperate to reach a dry stable. Belle hoped it would not be too late. Her father had been missing for days. She got off her horse and opened the large front gates of the castle. Walking deeper into this unknown ground, Belle gave her horse a gentle pat and stroked his hair. Then, having reached the enormous front doors of the castle, she grabbed the door handles, and gave them a mighty pull. But the doors would not budge. Swearing at her own stupidity, Belle noticed the sign that read 'PUSH'. She then proceeded and pushed the doors open. The main hallway was dark as night. All of a sudden, a- <RING RING> FUCK! I paused the movie and picked up the damn phone. "Hello?" I asked. "Hey, bud. What's up?" It was Dan. "Oh not much. I was just watchin' the game." I lied. "Yeah? Me too. The Leaf's are doin' great. Did ya see that save by Belfour?" "Yeah, sure. So what'd you call me for?" I asked. "Just wanted to know what you're doin' tonight." Smiling, I replied, "Oh you know, the usual. Sex and drugs." "Haha, shut up. You wanna come over? We could watch some movies here." "Who else is comin'?" I asked. "Ah, it's Graham, Will, you an' me." Hmm.. Will? "Will? I never knew you two were friends." I said. "Oh, yeah, we're alright friends I guess." Right. "He sniffs cocaine you know." I told him. "Does he? Whoa, I never knew. I knew he smoked but I didn't know he was a total stoner." "Okay, well I'm kinda busy tonight. Natalie's comin' over some time tonight." I lied. "Nat? What's the deal with you two? Are you goin' out or what?" "No, we're just friends." I said, truthfully this time. "Oh come on, Matty. I know you better than that! She totally digs you, you should go for it." "Yeah, sure," I said. "Okay, well I'll see ya later then, man. Peace." "Ya see ya." I said and hung up. I unpaused Beauty and the Beast and kept watching until the end, when Belle finally falls in love with the beast, breaking the spell and transforming the beast into a handsome prince. Whoops, did I ruin the ending for ya? I'm really just a big softie. Sometimes I act obnoxious like an asshole but mostly for the attention. I'm big about attention, but really, I'm not a bad guy. And I'm a hopeless romantic. Come on, who watches Beauty and the Beast by himself? That classic kind of fairy tale romance has always caught my attention. *** I was 8 years old, and it was my first day at the new school. I really had no say in the decision to put my into this private school, but I didn't really mind. My brother went to this school, so I was happy that I'd be going to the same school as him. Victoria College. A private school paradise running from Grades 3 to 12. Small class sizes of approx 25 students, and extra help from experienced teachers. Grade sizes also consisting of only 25 students. Auditions and testing mandatory. Total students enrolled: 300 Total high school students: 120 Total elementary school students: 180 Total male students: 300 Total female students: 0 Uniforms mandatory. Tuition $10,000, transportation not included. $10,000 is a very reasonable price for a private school, especially for one with the reputation of Victoria College. For 7 years it would be like hell on earth for me. At first it seemed great because there were no girls and I got to take a train to school, but as the years wore on, I grew tired and bored. All my classmates were losers, and the few that weren't losers thought I was too fat to be their friend. I was only 20 pounds overweight. But a fat kid's a fat kid, so what can ya do? I used to be athletic, but when I came to Victoria College, there was no more time for athletics. I was 8 years old. And there was no time. *** It was period four. Lunch. I walked into the caf alone, but soon my friends yelled for me to come sit with them. "Haha you guys are so embarassing! You don't have to yell!" I told them, but inwardly, I was happy for the attention. "Well, we wouldn't want to lose our sexy boy toy, would we?" Stephanie said, jokingly. She had a crush on me at one time, but she was one of my best friends, so it was only fair for her to know that I was gay. She doesn't have a crush on me anymore though. "Matt, you gotta go up for Survivor today!" Meg yelled at me. "Are we stuffing pie in our faces today??" I yelled back. "No, it's whipped cream day, doofus! Get ur ass over here!" "Aight, guys, I gotta go. Watch me in action and don't vote me off!" I yelled while hurrying away. As a fundraiser for FTC (Free the Children), FTC was doing Survivor, a full-week fundraiser that involved a student 'tribe' and teacher 'tribe'. We had to go on the stage in the caf during lunch and pretty much just do really funny activities in front of the whole school. That day was whipped cream and popcorn day. I volunteered to have whipped cream shot all over my face since everyone else was being a wimp. "Alright, guys!" Meg yelled through the microphone. The caf quieted down a bit and everyone looked over at her in anticipation. "Today's Survivor Day #3! And it's whipped cream and popcorn day! There are 3 contestants participating today. We've got Steve, Evan, and Matt here! Whoever wins today's challenge cannot get voted off and will appear here tomorrow! Whoever loses you can vote off by making any donation on your way out! By the way, all the teachers have already been voted off!!" This got a huge applause from the crowd. "Okay guys, what's gonna happen is this: All three contestants will have whipped cream shot in their faces and then they'll each be given a bag of popcorn. Whoever can get the most popcorn on their face at the very end will be the winner! Let's get started, guys! GO!" With my face completely covered in whipped cream, I opened the bag of popcorn, and stuck my head completely in. There was loud cheering going on in the caf, and I shook my head violently to get all the popcorn to stick to my face. Satisfied, I took my head out and looked at the other contestants. Fuck! They had even more popcorn stuck to them than I did! "OKAY GUYS! TIME'S UP!!" Megan yelled. "So guys, who do you think has the most popcorn stuck to their face? YOU DECIDE!" She told the crowd. Walking over to Steve, she asked, "Will it be Steve?" The crowd cheered. "Is it Evan?" The crowd cheered even more, seeing that he obviously had the most on his face. "Or will it be Matt??" The crowd roared, to my surprise, and I got up and gave the my embarassing victory cheer yelling, "YEAH!!! YOU GUYS ROCK!" With that, I took my bag of popcorn and raised it over my head, trying to scarf down all the popcorn leftover as they cheered me on. I never knew I was so popular. *** I was thirteen years old, and in love. He was perfect. Everything about him made me feel so good. His name was Graham Anderson. I'd known him since Grade 4, and I'd always thought he was cute, but recently, he'd been getter cuter and cuter. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. He was so hot. Just thinking about him made me feel good. Whenever he spoke to me, I felt so important being the centre of his attention. I wished the attraction could be mutual, but what are the chances? What are the chances that he would be gay AND attracted to me? Nonetheless, I continued to think about him and wonder what it would be like to be with him more intimately. I thought I was in love, but is it love if it's not mutual? I wished he could love me. It broke my heart to think that he wouldn't. I went to school everyday just to see him, and when he smiled at me, whether it was something funny I said or something else, it made my heart pump with joy. I wanted to be his friend at the very least. But what did we have in common? I'd known him so long, yet I didn't know any of his hobbies. I had to let go of him. It's funny though, how could I let go of someone I never even had in the first place? *** "Matt, that was so awesome! Everyone was cheering for you!" Natalie screamed. Natalie is what the student body calls 'rat girl'. Ya see, she's pretty small. And she used to have hair below her nose, like a moustache, or as people called it 'whiskers', and her front teeth were kind of crooked, making her look like a rat. Well, I used to think it was real funny until I actually got to know her. She's great, and she got rid of the moustache, but sometimes she's just too horny. "Take off your shirt, Matt, let's see those pecs!" she screamed. "Nat, we're in the fuckin' caf!" "So? You came into the girls' change room with me last week." "He did?" Scott, our other friend, asked. "Umm... no! No, she's making it up!" I lied. "You did, didn't you! You horndog you." he said, laughing. "Who's that?" Natalie asked. She pointed towards the atrium. There was a guy standing beside the pillar. I'd never even seen him before. "I don't know," Scott said. "Must be new or somethin'." "You wanna go talk to him, Nat?" I asked her. "Nah. Well... maybe. He's kinda cute." she replied. We laughed at her, and she just smiled flirtatiously at us. She went over and talked to the guy, who looked over at her, surprised. They talked for a good half hour, then exchanged email addresses. "So?" I asked her when she came back. "God, he's like PERFECT!" She was ecstatic, sighing ever few seconds. "What's his email address?" I asked. "Why would you care, Matt? Somethin' you wanna tell us?" Scott teased. Inwardly, I glared at him. But I kept a straight face and ignored him. "Just wondering. Don't want you to get involved in something stupid." I said, completely bullshitting. I was just curious. "Well, if you must know, it's ice-freeze@hotmail.com," showing me the paper he'd written the address on. "So is he new?" I asked. "No, he's just here visiting a friend. Why don't you go talk to him yourself?" "Nah, it's alright. Not like I care." That time, I was being sincere. It's not like he'd be gay. Plus, he lives who knows where? But in the back of my mind, something told me that I'd miss 100% of the shots I didn't take. *** I was thirteen years old and still very much in love with Graham Anderson. Recently, he'd been really nice to me. In fact, during recess, while I was chatting away with my other friends, he came up to me and asked me if I'd be his partner in a basketball game with his friends. I eagerly accepted. Even though I wasn't exactly an athlete, I was better at basketball than some of the other guys there, and I scored us into honours. Graham was really happy about that. I was pretty happy too, because it was the last day of school. We really didn't do anything in school but play board games. Graham and I played 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?'. The part I enjoyed most was when he grabbed my arm to ask me a question. I was down in the office during lunch that day. I was helping out Mr. Sowerbee with office work the whole term, and he was really glad to have me. Graham came into the office that day, tired from playing basketball, and asked me if he could help me with anything. I was almost speechless. When lunch was over, I said bye to Mr. Sowerbee and he told me to have a good summer. He came over behind me and grabbed my hips. I was so surprised, I almost jumped. When I told Graham this, he seemed really interested and went behind me and held me, asking me if that's how he'd grabbed me. Just feeling him holding me was enough to send me to heaven, but I realized that I might weird him out, so I quickly agreed that that's how it was and we went upstairs to the classroom together. By the end of the day, I was so nervous. I had to say goodbye to Graham. It was the last day of school, so I might not see him again until the next school year. I would see him on MSN from time to time, but that wasn't enough. He lived in a different town from me (since it was a private school we came from all over), so I wouldn't see him. But I was a wuss. I couldn't find the courage to even say goodbye to him. It was the last day of Grade 8, graduation had already been done a week ago, and on that last day I was still a boy. I wasn't even man enough to say goodbye to the boy I loved. *** "I saw you in the caf today. Nice show you put on there." he said to me. It was him. The guy Nat was talking to. He was beautiful. He had blond hair, blue eyes, he was a little shorter than me so he was about 5'7". Absolutely stunning. He had some kind of accent, which I learned was South African, and it mesmerized me. It was like halfway between a normal American accent and a British accent. "Yeah, it was pretty good." I said, breathless. "What?" "I said, yeah it was pretty good." More controlled this time. "Yeah, you must be pretty popular around here." "Who me? Naw, I'm just an average joe." I said. "No, no you're not. I can tell you that much." "So what's your name?" I asked, ignoring what he'd just said. "Andrew. Yours?" "Matt." I answered. "So, Andrew, where're you from?" "Maple. Not all that far from here. Maybe half an hour drive. It's quite a bit north from here, but if you take the highway, it's really not all that bad." "Oh, that's cool. So what're you doin' here anyway?" I asked, even though I knew he was visiting a friend. "Visitin' a friend. His name's Ryan Johnson. Ya know him?" "Nope, never heard of him." "Ya I don't think he's that popular, but you, he would've heard of you." he said, pretty confident of himself. "Well, I gotta go," I said to him. "Gotta catch my bus home." "Alright, well let me give you my email address, and maybe we could meet up some time for a coffee or somethin'." "Sure," I replied. "Sounds great." As I was about to leave, he put his hand on my shoulder and said, "By the way, you've gotta be the hottest asian I've ever laid eyes on." I couldn't believe this was happening. I opened my mouth to speak, but by the time I thought of something to say, he was gone. *** This story is, for the most part, true. Maybe that's why it sucks. Only some small details had to be changed to keep the flow of the story going. Last names to the characters will not be given out. Any contact information regarding the characters will also be fake. Hope you liked it. There's more to come. In fact, the second chapter is already in the works. Any comments can be sent to dressedtokill41787@hotmail.com You can add me to MSN messenger, my messenger email is dressedtokill41787@hotmail.com I love getting email from readers; it keeps me going and gives me some motivation. So feel free to email me.