Date: Sun, 28 Dec 2008 15:45:39 -0500
From: Morris Henderson <bigmoh@post.com>
Subject: a_rocky_road_chapter_6

A ROCKY ROAD

CHAPTER SIX

TJ answered his cell phone one evening to hear, "Hi,
TJ.  This is Ramon.  I haven't talked to you for a
while and I wanted to see how you are."

"Fine, Ramon.  Everything is wonderful."

"I'll take that to mean that you and Neil are still
together?"

"Yes, although we can't see each other except on
weekends because he's at school and I'm volunteering
at the Food Bank and Meals-on-Wheels."

"That's good!  Not that you can't see each other
during the week but that you're still together.
You're a lovely couple.  I sensed that when you and he
were over for dinner.  But I must admit that I've been
worried about whether you've encountered any
difficulties with your secret relationship."

TJ paused, wondering whether to reveal the problems
they had faced.  "A few, perhaps.  But we worked
through them."

"You know my offer still stands.  If you ever want to
talk to somebody who knows what it's like, I'd be
happy to listen and, if I can, give advice."

"We both appreciate your offer, Ramon.  Perhaps we'll
take you up on it one day."

"How about Saturday night?  Jerry and I would really
love to have you over for dinner again.  You already
know he's a wonderful cook and loves company.  You
probably don't know that he asks about you often.  Are
you free Saturday?  Please say yes."

"I'd like to come, Ramon, but I'd like to check with
Neil."

"Of course!  Just let me know so I can alert Jerry.
I'm sure he'll be delighted."

"I'll call you right back.  Okay?"

After calling Neil, who was pleased with the
invitation, TJ called Ramon and agreed to come to his
apartment around four on Saturday.

Following an afternoon of swimming on Saturday, the
teens showered, dressed, and left for Ramon and
Jerry's apartment.  They were not nearly as nervous as
they had been the first time they visited Isabel's
nephew and his partner.  Indeed, they were eager to
visit.

Ramon answered the door with a wide grin and
immediately gave them each a hug.  "It's great to see
you both again," he gushed.  "Come into the kitchen to
say hello to Jerry and then we'll leave him alone to
work his wonders with the meal."

Settling in the living room, with TJ and Neil next to
each other on the couch and Ramon in a recliner, they
chatted amiably for a few minutes about school, work,
and the unseasonably hot weather.

"It occurred to me on the way over," TJ said, "that
the first time we visited was on the pretense of
seeing some of your portrait work.  We never got
around to that, did we?"

Ramon laughed and said, "No, but it was a convenient
excuse for you to visit."

"If we have time," TJ said.  "And if you don't mind,
I'd really like to see some of your work."

"Maybe after dinner," Ramon offered.  "But that
reminds me.  A customer will be dropping by sometime
tonight to pick up some proofs.  I photographed him
Wednesday night.  I hope you won't mind the
interruption."

"Not at all," TJ said.

"Before he comes and while Jerry is busy fixing
dinner, tell me how things are going with you two.  I
don't want to pry but, to be candid, I've worried
about your relationship.  Not that you don't love each
other -- I know you do -- but it has to be difficult
keeping it a secret."

TJ and Neil looked at each other as if to gauge their
lover's willingness to talk about the problems they
had faced.  With subtle facial expressions that only
two lovers would recognize, they agreed to relate what
they had gone through together.

Neil spoke first.  "I think I can speak for both of us
to say that our love for each other has grown.
However, not everything has been perfect.  Since we're
both in school, we can't live together like you and
Jerry.  We only see each other on weekends. And,
except for a very few people, nobody knows we're
lovers so we always have to be on guard.  We learned
the consequences of not being careful."

Neil paused as he recalled the premature revelation in
Oklahoma of their relationship and the pain of his
brother's vehement rejection.

Ramon recognized Neil's distress and waited for him to
continue, not wanting to force him to talk about it
unless he wanted to.  TJ also noticed his partner's
anguish and took Neil's hand, squeezing it to signal
his sympathy and support.

During the momentary silence, Neil decided to
continue.  After all, he reasoned, Ramon seemed
genuinely interested and would no doubt understand.
He proceeded to explain how his father learned of the
relationship, coming out to his family, and his
brother's fury.  He concluded by saying, "I was
pleased with my parents' acceptance but losing a
brother whom I love was -- still is -- painful.  I
call home frequently but if my brother answers the
phone, he hangs up and doesn't even tell my parents
that I called."

"I'm sorry, Neil," Ramon said.  "What you went through
-- and are apparently still going through -- is one of
the unfortunate consequences of being gay.  I don't
like to say this but my experience tells me that you
will face similar problems in the future.  There are
people who will condemn you, maybe people that you
love, like, or respect.  On the bright side, however,
there will be people -- like your parents -- who will
continue to be your friend and love you.  It's
impossible to predict how others will react.  In my
case, Aunt Isabel was my biggest surprise.  As you
know, she's very religious and I was afraid that she
would think of me as a degenerate sinner.  However,
she couldn't have been more supportive and loving.
She was very influential in helping my mother accept
my homosexuality.  On the other hand, I had good
friends who I expected would accept my being gay but
they abandoned me and haven't even spoken to me.  I
suppose what I'm trying to say is to expect the
unexpected.  But above all, cherish the love you and
TJ share.  Losing your brother's love is a heavy price
to pay but having a life partner is priceless."

Neil looked at TJ lovingly and said, "I knew my
brother would not understand but it was a risk I was
willing to take.  Having your love means everything to
me."

"Which is less than my love for you, Neil." TJ
responded.

"Hey!" Ramon exclaimed.  "Don't get into an argument
about who loves the other the most!"  They all laughed
and Ramon continued, "So everything else has been okay
for you?"

The teens once again looked at each other and, with
slightly raised eyebrows and nods, sought and received
agreement to say more.

TJ began, "Well ... not everything.  I was a fool.  I
got angry at Neil.  I didn't trust Neil like I should
have."

"You were not a fool!" Neil interrupted emphatically.
"Based on what you saw, it's completely understandable
that you were hurt and angry."

TJ then told Ramon about the incident with Cory, his
shock, his anger, and -- after it was all over -- his
guilt feelings for thinking the worst of Neil.

Neil then described the letter he had received from
Cory and his own guilt for the way he had beaten the
misguided young man and threw him out of the room.

Ramon, who had been listening intently, paused before
saying, "Well, if you will permit me to express an
opinion, neither one of you should feel guilty.  Neil,
your reaction to Cory's unforgivable behavior was
understandable.  Moreover, based on what you've told
me about Cory, I suspect that his decision to become a
male prostitute may have been inevitable.  And TJ,
your reaction to a traumatic situation is just what
anyone might expect.  Finally, I have to commend you
both for putting it behind you and restoring your
love.  But, if I may, I'd like to ask you a question.
What did you learn from the experience?"

TJ quickly responded, "I learned that things aren't
always as they seem.  I learned that I have to be more
trusting."

"Is that all?" Ramon asked TJ.

The question stymied the young teen.  What more could
there be?  What was Ramon trying to say?

"Let me put it another way," Ramon said.  "Suppose you
found out that Neil had sex -- willingly -- with
another man."

"I would never do that!" Neil exclaimed.

"Never say never," Ramon countered.  "I'm not
suggesting that you would.  I'm just trying to make
you both think through a situation without having
emotion cloud your reasoning."

TJ thought for a moment and said, "I suppose we should
talk about it."

"Suppose?" Ramon asked in a confrontational tone.

TJ grew uncomfortable, a feeling he often had when he
felt his father was cross-examining him.  Neil sensed
his lover's anxiety and quickly came to his defense,
saying, "I agree with TJ!  In fact, we've had several
conversations in which we promised to always be honest
with each other, to express our thoughts and feelings.
We know that's crucial to maintaining a loving
relationship."

"That's good, Neil" Ramon said as he smiled.  "But let
me ask another question.  Suppose you did have sex
with another man ... as unlikely as you think that
might be.  Would you be honest and tell TJ?  And TJ,
if you had sex with someone else, would you tell
Neil?"

"Yes," TJ said, hoping to say what Ramon wanted to
hear.

Neil, however, was more circumspect and said, "I don't
know.  What I mean is that to have sex with another
person would mean that I felt the same way about him
as I do about TJ.  But let me be very clear.  I'm not
the least bit like Cory.  I love TJ more than I can
possibly express.  It's completely unimaginable how I
could ever feel that way about someone else.  Your
question is hypothetical and -- with all due respect,
Ramon -- it's offensive."

"My apologies if I offended either of you.  My only
purpose was to make a single, very important point.
Any loving relationship, especially a gay one, can be
a fragile thing.  Each of you will have to cling
ferociously to your love and let that dominate your
thinking.  You will have to work hard -- every day --
to protect and cherish it.  You may face difficult
situations ... no, let me say you WILL face them ...
and your first priority must always be doing whatever
it takes to nurture your relationship.  Jerry and I
love each other but our love has been tested several
times.  Fortunately, we've been able to work through
our problems.  It wasn't always easy but I can assure
you it was worth it.  Finally, let me add that your
devotion to each other is obvious to me and I want you
to know that I stand ready if I can help you be happy
together."

Before either teen could reply, the doorbell rang and
Jerry called from the kitchen, "Can you get that,
love?"  I'm tied up sautéing the meat at the moment."

When Ramon had gone down the short hallway to answer
the door, TJ and Neil ignored the muffled conversation
as Ramon greeted the guest.  Instead, they hugged and
reaffirmed their love and lasting commitment to each
other, ending with a meaningful kiss.

As they broke their kiss, TJ noticed with alarm that
Ramon and another man had entered the living room.
The visitor stood looking at the teens in shocked
disbelief.  In an instant, TJ panicked.  The caller
was his swimming coach!  Worse, the coach and TJ's
father attended the same church and were good friends.
TJ immediately saw his idyllic world shatter because
the coach, as homophobic as his father, would surely
tell his father what he had witnessed.

Ramon was only mildly surprised to see the teens
kissing.  They were, after all, in love.  However, he
thought it was a bit careless to do so while he was
letting a stranger into the apartment.  Then, he saw
TJ's fear.  Embarrassment would be understandable but
why should he be so afraid?

Neil, on the other hand, knew why TJ panicked.  He
recognized the coach and immediately understood the
potentially dire consequences of their innocent kiss.

Neither TJ nor Neil were able to muster, on a moment's
notice, any words that would ease the palpable tension
in the room.

The coach, however, was not so restrained and
exclaimed, "TJ!  What the hell is going on?  And don't
make any excuses!"

TJ's fear turned into terror as he realized that his
coach would tell his dad and may even cut him from the
swim team at school.  Neil didn't know of the coach's
friendship with TJ's father and therefore didn't fully
understand the intensity of his boyfriend's trauma.
However, he did know that TJ was an emotional wreck
and was frustrated because he didn't know how to
comfort his lover -- certainly not with a hug.

Ramon had more presence of mind and said, "It seems
you've already met one of my dinner guests, Mr.
Harris.  The other young man is..."

Ignoring Ramon's attempt to introduce Neil, the coach
demanded, "I asked you a question, TJ.  What the hell
do you think your doing?"

"Please sit down, Mr. Harris." Ramon said.  "I think
we need to talk."

Coach Harris turned to Ramon and exclaimed, "You're
damn right we do!  I need an explanation for the
disgusting behavior I saw!"

"Please, Mr. Harris.  Sit down.  I think you'll find
what I have to say interesting."

Grudgingly, the coach took a seat, glared at TJ, and
then turned his attention to Ramon.

"Remember when you called me to ask if I could make a
portrait of you?  Why did you call me instead of a
regular photography studio?"

"You know why!" the coach said irritably.  "TJ's
father recommended you.  He was impressed by the
portraits that his housekeeper had shown him."

"So you came to my apartment, I showed you some of my
work, and you asked me to photograph you.  Why did you
choose me over a hundred other photographers?"

"What the hell has this got to do with what I saw?"
the coach objected loudly.

Very calmly, Ramon said, "Bear with me just a minute.
Why did you choose me?"

"Because I liked your work!  I told you that before."

"Now," Ramon continued while TJ and Neil puzzled over
Ramon's line of questions.  "When you came to pose for
the portraits, I introduced you to Jerry, who lives
here with me.  What was your impression of him?"

Coach Harris seemed to be distracted from his initial
outrage and somewhat calmer in tone.  "Nice enough
fellow.  Perhaps a little too excitable."

"Yes, he is energetic, isn't he?  Did you think it was
strange that two men shared an apartment?"

"Of course not.  It's a practical way to same money,
what with the cost of housing around here."

"Let me make sure I understand.  Correct me if I'm
wrong.  You respected my work and my professional
ability."  Ramon paused very briefly to give the coach
a chance to disagree and then continued.  "You thought
that I was trustworthy.  You thought living here with
Jerry was not unusual."

Ramon paused again but, sensing the coach's impatience
with what he likely thought was a diversion from what
he saw, he moved quickly to his conclusion.  "Would it
be fair to say that you have a favorable impression of
me and of Jerry?"

"Yes, but can we get back to the real issue here?  I
saw two young men hugging and kissing!  In your
apartment!  How could you allow such a thing to
happen?"

"Mr. Harris, let me ask one more question and then
we'll talk about TJ and Neil.  You've said that you
have a favorable impression of me and of Jerry.
Suppose I told you that he and I are gay.  We're not
just room mates, we're lovers."

The coach was visibly stunned by the revelation but
Ramon continued, "We are as committed to each other as
any man and wife.  How does that change our
professional competence?  Does that change your
respect for us?  Does it change your opinion of our
hospitality when you first approached me about doing
your portrait ... when you came here for the portrait
sitting ... or tonight when you dropped by to pick up
the proofs?  Are we suddenly the opposite of what you
thought of us just because Jerry and I want to spend
our lives together?"

Flustered, the coach stammered, "Well, I ... I
certainly wouldn't have hired you if I knew you were
homosexual!"

"Why?"

The coach seemed, for a moment, to be at a loss for
words but finally said, "Because homosexuality is a
sin against nature!"

"And that means I don't do quality work?  Does it mean
that I am less trustworthy?"

The coach was cornered and came out fighting.  "Young
man!  I'm not in the habit of supporting --
financially or otherwise -- people who engage in
deviant, unnatural behavior!  Never have!  Never
will!"

The irrationality of the coach's response was obvious
to everyone except the coach but Ramon calmly
continued, "In that case, Mr. Harris, I will not
accept your money.  As I explained to you in our first
conversation, portraiture is my hobby and not my
livelihood.  If you still want the finished portrait,
just select from the proofs and I'll finish the work.
Now, let's talk about what you saw here tonight."

"And it's about damn time!  I suppose you're going to
tell me that these two are also degenerate
homosexuals!"

Finally showing his impatience with the coach's
bigotry, Ramon said, "No!  They are not degenerates!
They are fine young men ... mature, intelligent,
talented human beings!"

The coach turned to the two teens and blared, "But you
are homosexual, aren't you?"

TJ, had gained a measure of control over his emotions.
Realizing that there was no way to explain away the
kiss, he said defiantly, "Yes.  We're gay.  It's who
we are, not a life style choice.  More importantly, we
are deeply in love with each other and are dedicated
to bringing joy to each other for the rest of our
lives.  You may not approve of our relationship but
that doesn't change how we feel.  Let me assure you
that loving Neil is the most wonderful thing that's
happened to me.  Losing him would be unbearable.  You
can condemn us if you want to.  You can tell my father
who will probably condemn us also.  But if you do, you
will be causing pain to me, to Neil, and to my
parents."

"You're right about my condemning your disgusting
behavior!  But you're wrong if you think I'm going to
forget what I saw and what I now know you are."

"If I may, Coach Harris," Neil began.  "I'd like to
say something.  TJ was also right when he said we love
each other.  He and I have talked about telling his
parents of our love.  It's something we know we must
do.  But please.  Let us do it at a time and in a way
that will minimize their disappointment.  TJ loves his
parents and I have great respect for them.  Neither of
us wants to hurt them more than necessary.  Don't you
think it would be better if they heard it from us?
Don't you think they would be shocked and shamed to
hear it from someone else?  You're free to condemn us
if you must but please consider TJ's parents.  Don't
punish us by hurting them."

The coach sat silently for several moments while TJ
and Neil hoped fervently that he would keep the
secret.  Ramon was also silent, admiring both teens'
handling of the explosive situation.

Finally, the coach said, "All right.  I won't tell
your parents.  But make no mistake.  I'm not doing it
for you.  I'm doing it out of respect for your
parents."

"Thank you, coach," TJ said.

"I don't want your thanks, young man!  And I don't
want you on the swim team, either.  School starts in
two weeks.  Don't even think about showing up for
practice.  I won't have any queers in the shower, the
locker room, or the pool."

TJ was stunned by the coach's cutting him from the
team and began to object, "But, Coach..."

"But nothing!" the coach barked.  "You're off the
team!"

The coach stood, threw the proofs in Ramon's lap, and
said, "I'll take my business elsewhere."  He then
stormed out of the apartment.

TJ sat dejectedly.  He had thought it was likely that
he would be chosen team captain and also possible to
win the state competition.  That would have been the
highlight of his senior year in high school.  All
those hopes were now trashed.

Neil put his arms around TJ and held him tight.  Words
of solace would be futile but the hug communicated
sympathy, support, and profound love.  TJ collapsed
into his lover's arms like a rag doll whose stuffing
had been cruelly removed.

Ramon decided to leave the room to give the two teens
some private time together.  He was furious over the
coach's bigoted irrationality and was afraid of
voicing his anger in front of the suffering boys.
Entering the kitchen, he said to Jerry, "I suppose you
heard what that bastard said."

"Yes.  It was all I could do to keep from walking in
there and giving him a piece of my mind."

Ramon pounded the kitchen table and said, "I don't
know what to do to help them.  I don't know what to
say to relieve their pain.  TJ is crushed over losing
his place on the swim team."

Jerry felt sorry for Neil and TJ and also felt sorry
for his lover whom he knew acutely felt the boys'
pain.  "Give them some time to get over the insults
and spiteful punishment.  "I don't know if anything
can help them right now, Ramon.  But if there's anyone
who can help, it's you.  You're always right there to
do and say the right thing at the right time when
people are hurting.  It's one of the biggest reasons I
love you."

"That's sweet of you to say, Jerry, but I wish I could
do something for them right now."

"Maybe there is.  Go back in there and tell TJ that
you're on his side.  Right now, he has only Neil.  I
think just being there with him ... for him ... would
mean a lot."

Ramon gave his lover a quick thank-you kiss and
returned to the living room where he sat on the sofa
next to TJ.  The despondent teen was startled and very
embarrassed that he was crying on Neil's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," TJ blubbered.  "You must think I'm a real
baby for crying."

"Not at all," Ramon said as he put his hand on TJ's
knee.  "Crying when you're sad is as natural and as
healthy as laughing when you're happy.  We should all
do more of it."  Ramon paused before adding, "I just
want you to know that I admire you both and that I've
grown to love you both for your courage and your
character.  I'm honored to be your friend and I hope
you'll let me help in any way I can."

"Courage?" TJ asked incredulously.

"Yes.  It took a lot of guts to tell your coach that
you were gay instead of making up some flimsy excuse.
And Neil, your argument against telling TJ's parents
was masterful."

"He was wonderful, wasn't he," TJ said.  "Is it any
wonder why I love him?"

Ramon then said, "Why don't you go into the bathroom
and freshen up.  I've found that a cold, wet wash
cloth on the face helps a lot when I cry."

"You cry?" TJ asked.

"Frequently.  And I'm not ashamed of it.  Now freshen
up.  Jerry will have dinner ready in about 20
minutes."


To be continued.