Date: Sat, 10 Jan 2009 21:25:41 -0500
From: Morris Henderson <bigmoh@post.com>
Subject: a_rocky_road_chapter_8

A ROCKY ROAD

CHAPTER EIGHT

Mrs. Ryerson was stunned by her husband's threat to
seek an injunction, preventing Neil from seeing TJ.
But she was more than stunned; she was angry!

"You'll do no such thing, Tom," she shouted.  "That
would only make matters worse!"

"Don't start telling me what I can and can't do!" the
man said angrily.

"Maybe the time has come for me to express an opinion.
I've let you dictate to me for years but in this
situation, I'm going to have my say!  I'm going to
look out for TJ.  I don't approve of his relationship
with Neil any more than you do but I'm not going to
stand by and let you make his life miserable."

TJ's father was struck dumb by his wife's sudden
assertiveness.  He had never had to deal with that
before and momentarily didn't know how to react.  That
gave his wife more time to make her point.

"I'm surprised that you would even consider such a
foolish move.  In the first place, it would devastate
TJ.  I dare say his love for you would turn to hate.
It would drive a wedge between you and your son just
when you are getting along better with each other.
And have you considered the consequences of legal
action?  It would be a matter of public record.  You
might as well put a notice in the church bulletin.
Here's a headline for you: `My son is gay!'  The
notice could go on to say your response is to cruelly
punish your only son, a son that you should love.  And
finally, my dear, you would be jeopardizing our
relationship.  I don't think I could continue to love
a man who would heartlessly deny his son what
obviously means so much to him."

Mr. Ryerson sat quietly for a few minutes, putting his
legal mind to work on his wife's arguments for the
defense.  Then he said, "Your first point is valid.
In spite of my strenuous disapproval of his
homosexuality and his sinful relationship, I don't
hate him and I don't want him to hate me.  Your second
point is spurious.  The public record is not that
public and the injunction can be easily justified on
the grounds of protecting a minor child.  Your third
point amounts to blackmail!  Threatening to withhold
your love unless I yield to your demands is unfair."

Mrs. Ryerson gave her husband a steely gaze and said
with conviction, "It's not a threat, Tom.  It's a
promise.  I said I couldn't love a man who would treat
his son the way you said you would.  Let me make it
even more clear.  I could not live with such a man!  A
mother's love trumps a wife's love."

"So you can love a queer son?" Mr. Ryerson said
sarcastically.

"Yes!  I'll repeat: I don't approve of his
relationship with Neil.  But he is and always will be
my son.  He's your son, too.  He needs you, Tom.  He
needs your love.  You disapprove of his relationship
with Neil -- and I do, too -- but for God's sake,
don't abandon him.  Don't cast him out of your life as
though he were trash."

It was rare for the professional lawyer to capitulate
and he maintained that attitude in his personal life
but he felt his will weakening.  He began to think of
ways to concede without losing face but there were no
clear solutions.  Therefore, he adopted a delaying
tactic and said, "I need time to think."

Sensing an impending victory but still not sure of it,
Mrs. Ryerson said, "Okay.  But think of TJ's love for
you ... and your love for TJ.  Let's give his
happiness ... and our happiness as a family ... top
priority."

When his wife left the room, Mr. Ryerson sat for a
long time contemplating the situation.  He wanted to
break up the forbidden relationship between Neil and
his son.  His ego and self esteem seemed to demand
that he do something to `cure' his son of his abnormal
attitude toward masculinity and love.  But his wife's
emphatic arguments couldn't be discounted.  To
surrender to her arguments would be a defeat and he
was not accustomed to being defeated.  Still, he
thought, until TJ's revelation that he was homosexual,
he loved his son and was proud of him.  Now, however,
he was conflicted.  Could he accept the illicit
relationship without approving of it?  Could he
continue to be proud of and love his son who had
violated one of his most cherished values?

Lost as he was in his quandary, the ring of the phone
startled him.  He checked the display on the phone and
saw that it was his private line.  As he picked up the
receiver, he was annoyed at the interruption and
puzzled that his hand was trembling.

"Hello. <pause>  I'm sorry.  I can't make it today.
Something came up here at the house and I lost track
of the time.  Can you play without me?  <pause>  No,
nothing serious, just a matter that needs my
attention.  I'll join you next Sunday for sure.  Can
you reserve a tee time and let me know?  <pause>
Thanks.  And give my apologies to the others.  <pause>
Okay.  Bye."

Meanwhile, TJ and Neil had been reviewing the events
of the morning.  They agreed on three things.  First,
TJ's mother was less upset and more supportive than
they had anticipated.  That was gratifying.  Second,
his father's reaction was just as virulent as they had
feared.  There was no way of predicting what he would
do now.  And finally, they would cling to their love
for each other; they would stand by each other; they
would, one day, live together as partners.

TJ's emotional turmoil boiled over and tears streamed
down his cheeks.  Neil held him closely, wishing his
could do more to relieve his lover's grief.

When he finally gained control and his tears stopped,
TJ said, "I expected his anger but I guess I wasn't
fully prepared for it.  It hurts, Neil, it hurts."

"I know, my love, I know."

TJ, absorbed in self-pity, said, "How can you know?
Your father accepted it when we told him."

"Yes," Neil replied softly, "But my brother didn't."

TJ felt suddenly selfish and guilty.  "I'm sorry.  You
lost your brother.  We've both paid a price."

"It's a price we both suspected.  But it's a price I'm
willing to pay to have your love.  I hope you are,
too."

"I am!  I am!"

After some time, TJ had regained his composure.  Neil
had previously said that he had to return to campus
that afternoon to prepare for Monday's classes.
However, he was reluctant to leave TJ alone to cope
with a volatile and possibly explosive situation.  TJ
assured him -- with less than complete confidence --
that he would be all right.  Reluctantly, Neil
prepared to leave, giving his lover a long, passionate
kiss.

As the teens walked past the open door of TJ's
father's study, they saw him in his recliner staring
into space.  Neil paused for a moment and said, "Sir?"

Mr. Ryerson looked up and scowled.

"I'm leaving but I wanted to tell you again that I'm
sorry we've disappointed you.  I do love your son,
sir.  I'm also sure that he loves you.  I know that
you disapprove; all I ask is that you understand and
continue to love him.  He's a gifted, mature,
compassionate person and you can be proud of him."

The teens waited for a reply, unsure of whether it
would be further condemnation or, hopefully, a
grudging acknowledgement of Neil's sincere comments.
But no reply was forthcoming.  The man simply turned
his head away and stared at the wall.

Downstairs, the teens met TJ's mother.  Neil
apologized for upsetting her, reaffirmed his love for
her son, and thanked her for receiving the news so
graciously.

"It was a surprise," the woman said.  "And I'm not
pleased.  But things will work out.  Be patient with
my husband.  It will take some time for him to absorb
the information."

When Neil had gone, TJ's mother said to him, "I know
you are sincere when you say you're gay and in love
with Neil.  But are you absolutely sure?"

"Yes, Mom, as sure as I've ever been about anything.
It's not a passing fancy that I'll grow out of.  At
first, I thought I might but I can't help it.  I've
been attracted to other boys before.  Girls don't
interest me.  Sure, I've been on a few dates but down
deep I knew it was just for appearances and, to be
honest, to conceal what I know I am.  When I met Neil,
I admired him and he must have liked me.  It wasn't
long before I had this feeling for him.  It consumed
my thoughts.  Being with him is pure joy.  When we're
apart, I wish we were together.  I love you and Dad
and Isabel but this is different.  It's stronger.  It
doesn't diminish my love for you but ... well ... I
just can't deny that I'm gay and love Neil very
deeply."

"Well, son, all I can say is that you're going to have
a lot of problems.  Not the least of those will be
your father."

"I know that, Mom.  Telling you and Dad was the
hardest thing I've ever had to do.  But I had to do
it.  I owe you the truth."

"Don't think I don't recognize the courage that it
took.  But thanks for being honest.  Now, will you do
me a very big favor?"

"Anything!"

"Be patient with your father.  He's likely to say some
things and do some things that will hurt.  You're
asking him to understand something that he isn't ready
to understand.  It may be weeks or months -- I hope
not years -- but eventually, he can adjust.  It may be
difficult for you but try to be tolerant.  Down deep,
I'm sure he's proud of you and loves you but that may
not be obvious for a while."

"I'll try," TJ promised although he was unsure of how
much verbal abuse he could take before lashing out at
his bigoted father.

"One more favor," his mother said.  "If it gets too
much for you to bear, please talk to me.  I don't
approve of a gay relationship but if it has to be then
I can't think of a better young man to be in love
with.  I still love you and I hope that you will come
to me whenever you feel a need to talk through a
problem."

"Thanks, Mom.  I love you, too.  And I'm sorry to
disappoint you."

TJ then returned to his room, passing by his father's
study where he still sat, staring at the wall.  He
thought briefly about apologizing again to his father
and telling him that he loved him.  But the fear of
his fierce criticism forced him to retreat to the
safety of his room.

That evening at dinner, the atmosphere was heavy with
tension.  Neither TJ nor his parents were willing to
speak of the morning's revelation although it was on
everyone's mind.  Instead, what little conversation
there was seemed forced and focused on trivial
matters.  At no time did TJ's father directly address
his son.

Later in the evening, TJ phoned Neil, who was relieved
that there had been no eruption of anger,
condemnation, or threats of punishment.  He was also
pleased when TJ told him of the conversation with his
mother.  Perhaps, the teens agreed, cool or even icy
coexistence with his father was the best that could be
hoped for.

The following evening, TJ returned from volunteering
at the Food Bank and found Isabel in the kitchen
preparing supper.  He greeted her, warmly as usual,
and she said, "Your mother told me what happened
yesterday.  I gather that things didn't go too well."

"No," TJ replied, "But just about the way I expected.
Mom was disappointed but supportive.  Dad, however,
flew into a rage and isn't speaking to me."

"I'm sorry," she said.

TJ countered with, "There's a bright side, Isabel.  I
don't have to worry about keeping a secret.  I know my
parents are disappointed and I hate that.  But I feel
like a burden has been lifted off me.  Does that make
any sense?"

"I think I understand.  In fact, I feel the same way.
I didn't like knowing about you and Neil and not
telling your parents.  It felt like I was betraying
their trust in me.  But, as I told you before, your
happiness is what counts."

"Both Neil and I appreciate what you've done, Isabel.
I guess I should say what you haven't done -- telling
my parents, I mean."

"The past is past," Isabel said.  "But there's one
question I have.  Why did you decide to tell them?
You knew how it would upset them."

TJ then related how the coach had caught them kissing
at Ramon's apartment, became angry, and threw him off
the swimming team.  That, he explained, had triggered
his discomfort over living a lie.  With Neil's
agreement and support, he decided to tell his parents
the truth.

Isabel, having listened intently and sympathetically,
paused before saying, "That was a courageous and
honorable decision ... but perhaps foolish."

"Foolish?" TJ asked.

"Yes.  I'm sure you considered your parents' feelings
but I'm not sure you thought about the effect it will
have on your relationship with them ... and, for that
matter, with Neil.  What about college?  Suppose they
forbid you to see Neil.  It seems to me, TJ, that your
world ... and your future ... has changed in ways that
you can't predict."

"You're right, of course.  You always are.  That's why
I love you so much and value your opinion and advice.
I thought about asking you for advice before telling
them but we had an agreement, remember?  I promised
not to say anything to you or do anything in your
presence that would be a sign of what I am or how I
feel about Neil.  So, I had to make the decision on my
own.  Well, not on my own; Neil and I discussed it for
a long time.  In the end, we agreed to tell them."

"And did you consider all the possible consequences?"

"I hope so.  We knew that my parents, especially Dad,
would be upset.  But they would have to find out
sometime, anyway.  We knew that the worst case would
be that Dad would throw me out of the house when I
turn eighteen.  Eventually, before I turn eighteen, we
thought, he would learn to accept it.  I know he will
never approve but the chances are good that he'll
accept it.  In the meantime, I'll do whatever I can to
win back his love."

"I pray that you're right, TJ.  Just one more thing I
want to say before I get back to work.  Now that I
know about you and Neil, please talk to me whenever
you need a sympathetic ear.  Don't bottle up any
sadness or negative feelings and let them fester."

"Thanks, Isabel.  You've just earned another term as
`goddess in residence.'  I love you."  TJ impulsively
but sincerely gave Isabel a kiss on the cheek and a
hug and then went up to his room, leaving the woman
embarrassed over the kiss but filled with pride and
love for the young man.

At supper that evening, the tension was only slightly
less than the previous evening.  TJ tried to engage
his father in conversation -- about anything other
than Neil or being gay -- but all he got in return was
a curt reply or a simple grunt.  His mother did her
part to lighten the mood but her effort was fruitless.

Isabel came into the dining room to clear the empty
plates and Mr. Ryerson said to her, "Isabel, I have
something to say to TJ and I'd like you to hear it."

Isabel obediently set the dinner plates on the end of
the table and stood, unsure of what was in store.
Mrs. Ryerson seemed equally surprised and confused.
TJ braced himself for bad news.  A tirade?
Restriction of privileges?  A moralistic sermon?

"I've given a lot of thought to the matter of your
alleged homosexuality and the suspicion of an illicit
relationship with another young man."  (He had the
unfortunate habit of speaking like a lawyer, even at
home.)  "I want you to know that I thoroughly and
without qualification disapprove.  I have considered
all possible remedies, both punitive and preventative.
After due deliberation, I've come to a conclusion."

He paused for dramatic (melodramatic?) effect while
the silence and anticipation in the room was palpable.

Continuing with a tone of a judge announcing a
verdict, the officious man continued, "In
consideration of the fact that you are my son and I
therefore have an obligation for your health and
safety...  (My God, TJ thought.  Get to the point!)
...I'm not going to punish you.  Rather, I'm resigned
to the distasteful need to tolerate your aberrant
attitude and potentially immoral behavior."  (TJ
breathed a sigh of relief.)  "However," the man
promptly added, "There is one caveat."  (TJ's anxiety
increased.)  "Neil will still be welcome as a guest in
this house but if his visit includes an overnight
stay, he is to sleep in the guest room.  Under no
condition will he be allowed to visit you in your room
at night nor should you even think about visiting him
in the guest room.  Moreover, when you and he are in
any room of this house, the door to that room is to be
open.  In short, young man, I can't control your
thoughts and feelings but I can and will control your
behavior.  Are we clear on that point?"

"Yes, sir," TJ replied.

But TJ's mother had more to say.  "What you mean is
that you don't like it but can live with it.  And no
sex under your roof.  Was that the essence of your
pontificating?"

All she got in reply was a menacing glare from her
husband who had never before heard such sarcastic
assertiveness from his wife.  However, both TJ and
Isabel stifled a laugh.

Isabel resumed her duties of clearing the table as TJ
said, "If I may be excused, I'd like to swim a few
laps before dark.  I want to be in shape for swim team
practice."

His father nodded his permission.

Before leaving, TJ said, "Dad.  I love you."

His father, who had only recently learned to tell TJ
that he loved him, was not ready to resume the
practice and merely gave his son a disappointing
grunt.

TJ's parents went into the family room while Isabel
occupied herself in the kitchen.

"Your last comment at the dinner table was uncalled
for and demeaning," the still-irritated man growled.

"But accurate?" his wife asked.

"I won't have you taunting me," he snapped.

"Come on, Tom.  You were talking to a teenager, not
some hardened criminal in court.  I'm accustomed to it
but TJ feels bad enough already.  He didn't need such
a harsh, judgmental pronouncement."

Her husband was about to vigorously defend his actions
when she sat next to him on the sofa, snuggled up to
him, and said, "Thank you, dear, for not punishing
him.  I know it was not easy for you but I'm glad
you're willing to live with the situation.  If he lost
Neil and lost your love, he would have been crushed."

"I don't like it," he replied.  "Having to tolerate
his immoral behavior."

"I don't like it either, dear.  But he's our son and
we have to love him unconditionally.  What would it
hurt if you told him that?"

"Funny, isn't it?" the suddenly contrite man mused.
"We can despise what he does but still love him.  I
suppose I'll just have to get over the shock and
disappointment -- even anger -- before I can tell him
that."

"Are you still angry with me?" she said as she
snuggled up more closely to her husband.

The man grinned and said, "Yes.  But underneath that I
love you."


To be continued.