Date: Wed, 5 Mar 2008 16:00:59 -0500
From: Morris Henderson <bigmoh@post.com>
Subject: an improbable love - chapter 10

The two boys stopped for a foot long submarine sandwich on
the way to campus.  TJ insisted on paying.

Neil resisted but only briefly.  When they sat down to eat,
he said, "I know your family is very well off financially,
but that doesn't mean you have to buy me supper!"

"I just wanted to do something nice for you, my friend!
After all, you've invited me to the concert and the
Smithsonian.  It's just a way of returning the favor."

The elder teen smiled and chose to let the matter drop, but
TJ had more to say.  "Yes, my family has plenty of money.
Sometimes I wish they didn't!"

"Why?  Don't you feel lucky to have a nice home, a generous
allowance, and all kinds of creature comforts?"

"Oh, I'm grateful.  It's just that..."

"It's what?"

TJ debated with himself about whether to explain his
feelings but concluded that if there was to be a meaningful
relationship, he must be honest.

"Well, Isabel has told me about her family:  Most of them
are poor.  I don't know how much money she earns but
whatever it is she shares with her relatives.  Sometimes,
they can't afford a decent meal!  Medicine and doctor
visits are beyond their reach!  That makes me feel guilty!
Look at where I live: a big house for three people, two new
SUVs, designer clothes, and expensive parties for friends.
My parents don't necessarily need all of those material
things.  They want to impress others!  It's just obscene
consumerism!"

By the time TJ finished talking, he was visibly agitated.

Neil knew of his friend's sincere feelings on social issues
but was surprised at the depth of his emotions.  He sat
quietly for a moment before saying, "I didn't realize you
had such strong beliefs concerning this subject.  And, I
admire your compassion.  I've met several students at
school from rich families.  Almost all of them take it for
granted.  Some even feel that their privileged status is
somehow a right.  A few are downright snobs.  But none of
them show any concern for the impoverished or
disadvantaged.  It's refreshing to meet someone like you
who really cares about other people."

"I'm not looking for compliments or praise, Neil.  It's
just that I'm disgusted with the 'haves' ignoring those
without ... and the powerful exploiting the powerless.  My
father and I used to argue over this topic all the time,
but neither of us could change the other's mind."

"Is that why the two of you are not close?"

"That's a large part of it.  He's so loyal to his political
party and to his church that he refuses to listen to
opposing viewpoints on controversial issues such as
homosexuality.  In his mind, pre-marital sex is sinful, but
an unfortunate consequence of there being two genders and
the need to reproduce.  On the other hand, two men sleeping
together is more repugnant than just being immoral.  It's a
violation of natural laws.  I think if it was up to my
father, he would have all gays castrated and then,
executed!"

"Do you really believe he would want that?"

"Perhaps I'm exaggerating.  But he hates fags!"

"Then it's even more remarkable that you feel the way you
do.  I really admire you for refusing to follow in his foot
steps!"

"Thank Isabel for that.  She's the one who taught me to
think about the less fortunate and to try to understand
their problems. She never lectures me or attempts to impose
her beliefs.  She shows me by example: such as helping her
less fortunate relatives, accepting the sexual orientation
of her nephew and pointing out the good in people."

"That's one more thing we have in common! While I may never
have felt as strongly as you I empathize with the
downtrodden.  Even if they can afford to eat and acquire
decent housing, the destitute have no chance to obtain an
education that would provide them with opportunities to
find better paying jobs."

"Exactly!  And, one day, I'm going to do something about
it!"

"Like, what?"

"I'm not sure, yet.  Perhaps, as a social worker or an
advocate for the poor.  I'm definitely coming out and when
I do, I will fight for the rights of gays!  We're certainly
one of the persecuted classes of society."

"Your father will not be pleased, TJ."

"Fuck him!"

Immediately regretting his expletive, because it might have
been overheard, the younger teen more calmly but earnestly
continued.  "That man's part of the problem.  He and all
the other bigots in this world!"

"Hey!  Please calm down! Think about what you just said:
You want to understand and accept people so that you can
help them.  At the same time, you criticize your father for
his beliefs.  Do you see the contradiction?"

TJ thought about what Neil had just said for a few minutes,
before remarking, "You're right! I was wrong to be angry
with my father.  Negative emotions only make matters
worse!"

"There's nothing wrong with having zeal, but it must be
properly controlled.  Your anger over societal injustice is
commendable.  That you want to improve upon it is laudable.
However, don't let your indignation cloud your judgment of
people.  That makes you sound just like a bigot."

The younger boy was impressed and moved by Neil's analysis.
Moreover, he appreciated his friend's candor because it
showed the two were connecting on a level other than just
physical attraction. Furthermore, Neil accepted what he
said.  Most importantly, in a caring, friendly way, he had
challenged his thinking.

"Geez!  I never thought of it that way.  Thanks for the
insight!  But I'm not wrong in believing that his attitude
and behavior are making things worse for others. It
perpetuates intolerance.  It's hypocritical, Neil!  He's
proud of his public service in the government; yet, my
father simultaneously enforces policies favoring the rich
and powerful!  The man claims to be a devout Christian but
ignores the obligation to "love thy neighbor as thyself".
If he were a true believer he would contribute more of his
wealth to charities rather than squandering it on
extravagant, self-indulgent ostentation!"

Remaining quiet for a moment while he considered what to
say, Neil, finally, replied, "I don't like pretense,
either.  However, sometimes, we cannot see it within
ourselves!"

"What are you trying to tell me?"

"The last thing I want to do is to offend you.  Your
friendship means everything!  What I am about to suggest is
a more constructive way for you to handle your emotions.
Okay?"

"All right!"

The younger boy remained curious about where Neil was
leading their conversation.

"You were most fortunate to be born into a family that
could afford to give you everything you needed.  You've
grown up safe and secure without any real worries."
Leaning over, the elder boy whispered, "Except for your
attraction to other guys."

"Yes! But..."

"Hear me out! You've benefited from all of that.  Your
parents have provided you with everything you could want
and more.  How do you repay them?  Not with gratitude but
anger!  You seem to be mad at them for holding values that
are contrary to your own. At the same time, you profess to
respect others with differing opinions.  Isn't that
hypocritical?  Shouldn't you thank your mother and father,
loving them for what they've done?"

The younger teen had much to ponder.  He sat quietly for
several minutes putting it all together.  Finally, he said,
"I adore my mother almost as much as Isabel.  I'm grateful
to all three for everything they've done.  Do I also care
deeply about my father?  Until now, I wasn't sure.  He's
aloof, formal and unaffectionate.  My mother says he loves
me and that I should be patient with him.  However, it
would be nice if he told me himself.  Do I love him?
Yes!...now that you've made me think about it!  I just wish
we could get along better!"

"Let me plant a thought in your mind.  Please don't react
immediately.  Just ponder it for a while. Take the first
step!  Say to your father: `I love you!'  Repeating that
sentiment often may break the ice.  It could help him
express his own feelings.  In addition, but it might temper
his disappointment when you tell him you're gay!  Now,
let's go to the concert!"

Walking to the elder boy's car, TJ said, "Neil?"

"What?"

"Thanks!  I appreciate what you told me.  And now I'm going
to use a word that may anger you.  I love you!  I adore you
even more for listening, for comprehending, and for helping
me better understand my father."

Grinning, Neil remarked, "Get in the car quickly before I
kiss you right here in public!"