Date: Thu, 8 May 2008 15:09:17 -0500
From: Morris Henderson <bigmoh@post.com>
Subject: improbable_love_chapter_19

It was nearing the time when TJ's mother said she would be home so the
boys dressed and went downstairs.  They decided to sit out on the deck
overlooking the pool.

"It's been a wonderful day," Neil said.

"Oh?  Is that because you got to see all that boy flesh at swimming
practice?"

Neil laughed.  "That was interesting but it was nothing compared to the
boy flesh I enjoyed this afternoon."

"It was wonderful, wasn't it?  It's just too bad that we can't do it
more often."

"I've been thinking about that, TJ, ... about your comment that it
would be as much as six years before we can be together.  That concerns
me, as well."

"You said we would have to be patient and careful and you were right.
You also said that we can do it and I think you were right about that,
too.  It won't be easy but, together, we can tough it out."

"I hope so," Neil mused as he stared off into the distance.  "But I've
read some research about gay relationships and it's not encouraging."

"Research?  What did it find?"

"The median length of a gay relationship is about the same as it is for
the first marriage of straights -- about seven years.  But a lot of
straights go on to second marriages and they last longer.  Overall, gay
couples break up almost twice as often as married straight couples."

"Don't be misled by averages," TJ warned.  "I don't believe that we'll
break up,"

"I didn't think I would break up with my first partner, either.  But he
walked out on me and I was devastated.  That's why I was so reluctant
to admit to myself that I loved you.  I was afraid of losing another
lover.  You said it might be six years before we can really be
together.  That's bumping up against the average length of a
relationship.  When you consider the difficulties we will face during
those years, the odds are against us."

"We've already beaten the odds!" TJ countered.  "What are the odds of
two people falling in love as quickly as we did?  Pretty slim.  But it
happened.  We beat the odds once and we can do it again.  Maybe it's
improbable but it's not impossible."

"I hope so, TJ.  I wish I shared your optimism.  Don't get me wrong, I
love you and I want more than anything for us to stay together.  But
right now, the thought of losing you frightens me."

"It scares me, too, Neil, but I will do whatever it takes to be with
you.  Did the research offer any suggestions on how gay couples can
stay committed to each other?"

"Some.  It found that gay couples are less belligerent when they argue.
They use more humor when they argue.  That sounds like a good thing but
gay couples that exhibit more tension over arguments are more satisfied
with their overall relationship.  So I suppose the suggestion would be
to avoid trying to be nice during an argument and to let your feelings
out."

"But wouldn't that just escalate the argument?"

"It might ... unless both partners recognized that it was healthy to be
honest about their feelings.  And there's another important part of
arguing.  The research found that gay couples are not as good as
straight couples at making up after an argument to repair the damage.
So they have to learn how to patch up any possible hard feelings."

"Never go to bed angry.  Kiss and make up."

"Easy to say," Neil laughed.  "But seriously, I think it takes a lot of
empathy, a lot of understanding, a lot of compassion, and a lot of
thinking about the partnership instead of personal ego."

TJ was quiet for a while, thinking about what Neil had said, and then
wondered out loud, "I can't imagine arguing with you.  We get along so
well with each other."

"It can happen.  It WILL happen!  Let me give you an example.  Suppose
I said that I really admired that tall blond boy on your swim team.
Suppose that I said I would like to go to bed with him.  I wouldn't do
it, of course, but I wondered out loud what it would be like.  Now
suppose ... stay with me on this ... you thought I was serious and you
got jealous.  That could start an argument."

"I don't think I would be jealous because I would know you were not
serious.  But, to go along with your hypothetical example, suppose I
did get jealous.  I don't think I would risk a fight with you."

"Ah!" Neil exclaimed.  "That's exactly what you should do!  You should
let me know how you feel.  We should talk about it, maybe argue about
it.  We should never keep resentment or anger bottled up until it
poisons the relationship."

"But how can two people in love argue?  I mean, how can they be mad at
each other?

"There's a difference between anger and argument, a big difference.  If
we argue ... WHEN we argue ... we must be honest with each other.  We
must be assertive without being aggressive.  We must listen as much or
more than talk and, most importantly, we must try to understand each
other.  And then, of course, we must make up.  If the research tells us
anything, it is that we have to tolerate the tension of an argument and
work to repair any damage to the relationship."

"I suppose you're right," TJ said.

"Do you mean that?  Is that what you really think?"

TJ's experience with his father's cross-examinations allowed him to
immediately recognize the real meaning of Neil's questions.  "You're
testing me, aren't you?  You're trying to find out if I'm just trying
to avoid an argument.  Okay.  Here's the truth.  Everything you've said
is logical.  I can't disagree with any of it.  But I'm not sure I can
follow your advice.  I'm competitive in sports and even in dealing with
my father but I'm not confrontational.  I shy away from challenging
people when I disagree with them, especially when I value their
friendship.  You've convinced me that I should be more open about my
thoughts and feelings but, to be truthful, I'm not sure I can do it."

Neil smiled and said, "You've just done it!  I had to prod you but you
opened up.  You revealed something about yourself that I suspected but
didn't know for sure."

TJ grinned and said, "Will you help me?  Will you remind me whenever
you think I need reminding?"

"Only if you'll do the same for me."

"It's a deal!  If I was sure that nobody could see us, I would seal the
deal with a kiss."

"We can do that later," Neil laughed.  "Count on it!"

"Did you find any other gems in the research?" TJ asked.

"Mostly the expected stuff," Neil replied.  "It's easier for gay
couples to break up because there are no kids and no need to hire
divorce lawyers.  Disregarding the emotional toll, it's often as easy
as moving out.  Gays are more liberal and less likely to adhere to a
monogamous relationship, which decreases the stakes for staying
together.  And one more thing.  Because gays have had to suppress their
feelings, they want more passion when they finally get into a
relationship."

"Is that the academic way to say they want hot sex?"

Both boys laughed and TJ continued, "Well, I have no complaints about
sex with you."

"Thanks for the compliment.  But I have to tell you something.  You
were an inexperienced virgin when we met but sex with you is nothing
short of awesome."

TJ looked at his watch.  "Damn.  Almost six o'clock.  No time for more
hot sex before my parents get home."

"You've cum twice this afternoon!" Neil said incredulously.  "And you
still want more?"

"You said I should be honest," TJ replied with a grin.

The boys talked for another 15 minutes and then heard TJ's mother call,
"TJ.  Would you take my shopping bags from the car up to my bedroom?
I'll put the lasagna in the oven.  I'm starved."

TJ went for the bags and Neil went into the kitchen.  "I'm glad you can
stay for dinner," Mrs. Ryerson said to him.  "I hope you're hungry."

"Yes, ma'am.  I'm looking forward to a good meal instead of what they
call food in the cafeteria at school."

"Before TJ gets back, Neil, I want to tell you how much I appreciate
your being friends with him.  He's been a different boy since he met
you.  He's happier and even gets along with his father better.  You're
a good influence on him and I appreciate it."

"I enjoy his company.  He's very bright and mature for his age and..."
Neil paused and said, "Listen to me!  He's only two years younger than
I am.  But he's not like most 15 year olds."

"Almost 16," Mrs. Ryerson added.  His birthday is in two weeks, on the
24th.  He's really looking forward to it -- mostly, I think, because
his father and I are giving him a car for a present.  He insisted on a
hybrid so that's what he'll get."

"What can I get for him?" Neil asked.  "Is there something that he
wants?"

"I didn't mention his birthday to suggest you get him a present, Neil.
And I'm sure he doesn't expect one from you.  Say.  Here's an idea.
The 24th is a Friday.  Would you like to come by for supper?  I'll ask
Isabel to bake a birthday cake and we'll sing `happy birthday' to him.
That will embarrass him but he would enjoy it anyway ... especially if
you're here."

"Thank you.  I'd love to come."

Just then, TJ returned to the kitchen and his mother said, "I've
invited Neil for dinner on your birthday.  I thought it might make your
birthday a little more special."

"Indeed it would," TJ gushed.

The boys then went downstairs to the media room to play a video game
until dinner was ready.

Ten minutes later, TJ's father came home, clearly in a grumpy mood.
"What's the matter?" his wife asked.

"Everything!" he said.  "I've got a case load on my desk and now the US
Attorney in Cincinnati wants me to go there to help with an
investigation.  Hell, that's what he's there for! Why does he have to
call for help?"

"Are you going?"

"I have no choice.  My boss told me to be there Monday morning.  I'll
have to fly out of Dulles tomorrow afternoon."

"How long will you be gone?"

"A week.  Maybe two.  Maybe more.  I won't know until I get there and
find out more about the status of the investigation."

"Will you be back for TJ's birthday?  I've invited Neil to dinner."

"Damn!  I forgot about his birthday."

"It would mean a lot to him to have you here.  He's warming up to you
and it would be a setback if you weren't here."

"You're right.  If there's any way possible, I'll be here...even if I
have to fly home and then fly back to Cincinnati."

During dinner, TJ's mother said to him, "Your father has to go to
Cincinnati for a week or two but he's promised to be home for your
birthday dinner.  I leave on Wednesday for rehearsals in Albany and
won't be home until Sunday.  That will leave you and Isabel here by
yourselves for most of the coming week.  I hope that's all right."

Both TJ and Neil welcomed the news because it would be a perfect
opportunity to be together but they concealed their delight.  Isabel
would be in the house but the boys' pact with Isabel meant they would
have lots of private time.  TJ said simply, "I'll be all right.

TJ's father then said, "I know you will, son.  And I promise to be here
for your birthday ... because I love you."

TJ grinned, extraordinarily pleased that his father was keeping his
promise to say `I love you.'

"And I love you, too, dad."

Then TJ's father grinned as though he had forgotten the unpleasantness
of the forced trip to Cincinnati.

After dinner, Neil offered to help clear the table but Mrs. Ryerson
said, "Thanks but you two go back to your video game."

The two boys had barely reached the bottom of the stairs when TJ said,
"Is that a stroke of luck or what?  My parents will be gone for a few
days.  Do you think you can come see me?  Maybe spend the night?"

"I think so," Neil replied.  "I have an exam on Thursday and I'll have
to cram for it Wednesday night.  I have two classes on Friday but maybe
I can work out some way to miss them.  If I can, it would give us
Thursday night until Sunday.  I'll have to talk to my profs about it
but I'll let you know.  The worst case would be that it will be only
Friday and Saturday night together."

"Call me as soon as you know," TJ said.

"You know I will.  Right now, I have to get back to campus.  I've got a
ton of reading to do and another paper to write.  I was dreading having
to leave you but the thoughts of being together next week makes it a
little more tolerable."

TJ took Neil's hand and led him into a corner of the room where they
could not be seen from upstairs.  They locked in a long, passionate
kiss.  Reluctantly, they broke it off, they went back upstairs, and
Neil left.