Date: Thu, 17 Jan 2008 13:21:05 -0500
From: Morris Henderson <bigmoh@post.com>
Subject: improbable_love_part_4

AN IMPROBABLE LOVE

Author's Note

This fictional story describes how two boys met and spontaneously
fell in love.  It explores their feelings, fears, and frustrations as they
overcome family and social pressures and allow their suppressed
needs to be fulfilled.  You will find some descriptions of gay sex
in this story but you will be disappointed if sex is your only interest.
If, however, you are interested in the emotional satisfactions of a
meaningful relationship and how two boys' commitment to each
other helps them cope in an environment that is toxic to
homosexuals, then you may find this story more to your liking.

Chapter Four

As soon as they had dressed, Neil said, "I really don't want to but I
have to get back to campus.  I've got a paper due on Monday and I
haven't even started it.  But before I go, I want to make one thing very
clear.  I want to see you again.  It may seem like I got what I wanted -
- sex -- and so I'm leaving.  That's not it at all.  I like you TJ.  I
like you a lot.  I've never felt that way about anybody else.  I want to
be your friend if you're willing."

"Willing?  That's an understatement.  Nothing would please me more than
to be your friend.  Of course I enjoyed the sex; it was awesome, a dream
come true.  But I've liked you from the moment we met and -- this may
sound corny -- but the sex meant more to me because I love you."

"I'm flattered, TJ.  But don't you think it's too early to talk about
love?  We've known each other for less than a day.  Love is something
that develops over a longer time.  Perhaps love will come as we get to
know each other better.  To say that love can develop in just two days
is impossible."

"Improbable maybe but not impossible." TJ said.  "I've never been in
love so I don't know what it's like.  But I know that you're always in
my thoughts -- at least since last night -- and you've made me very
happy.  I know I would be happy with you forever.  And I want to make
you happy.  If that's love, then I love you."

Neil had similar feelings but wasn't quite ready to label those feelings
as 'love.'  He was certainly not ready to say he was in love.  That's
because he remembered how he felt after his first relationship with
another boy.  He was ready at that time to call it 'love' and told the
boy he loved him.  But that soured the relationship.  The other boy was
interested only in sex without a long term commitment.  For Neil, sex
with his boyfriend was never the same again.  Neil promised himself
never to make that mistake again.

He was also aware that what TJ thought was love might be just the
lingering euphoria of his first gay sex.  He wanted TJ to have time to
evaluate the experience and the potential of a relationship with a
cooler head.  Yes, he wanted to see TJ again and he hoped that the
relationship would take root, grow, and bloom into genuine love.  But he
also harbored the fear that TJ would change his mind after the
exhilaration of his first gay sex subsided.  In short, he was afraid of
the pain of losing TJ.  That made him reluctant to admit that he, too,
might be in love.

"Until next time," Neil said and wrapped his arms around TJ's waist and
drew him into a hug.  TJ threw his arms around Neil's neck.  As they
locked lips and tongues, Neil dropped his hands and he cupped TJ's ass
cheeks.  Pulling TJ even closer, he pressed their crotches together.

Breaking the kiss, Neil said, "Damn.  I want to stay here with you but I
have to get back to campus.  I don't know if I'll be able to concentrate
on my paper, though.  I'll be thinking of you."

"Then we'll be thinking of each other," TJ said.

When Neil left the house, TJ went to his room, laid on his bed, and
thought of the improbable situation -- the improbability of meeting the
boy of his dreams, the even more improbable fact that they had sex
together, and the improbability (although not impossibility) of falling
so quickly in love.  He replayed the events of the previous evening, the
morning tennis, and the mounting feelings of affection and frustration
that he had during that time.  Then he replayed the events on the sofa:
the massage, the timid exploration of Neil's ass, Neil's reaction, and,
of course, the ecstasy of oral sex.  Not surprisingly, that caused his
cock to inflate to a full erection.

For over an hour, TJ replayed the events, burning them into his memory.
But then he began to speculate on the future.  He wanted to see Neil
again ... but did Neil really want to see him again?  He had said he
loved Neil but Neil dismissed that as being premature.  Neil said he
wanted to see him again but he left without making any arrangements for
another meeting.  He said that he liked him but was he just being
polite?  Was it, after all, just an afternoon delight?  Was he merely
another notch on Neil's rifle stock?  Had he been used and would he then
be discarded?  Perhaps he could phone Neil and set up another meeting.
But Neil had not given him a phone number.  Was that a deliberate
omission on his part?

TJ's doubts grew and he began to despair of seeing Neil again.

Eventually, he fell asleep, having slept very poorly the night before.
He was awakened by his father calling him to dinner.  As the fog of his
nap dissipated, he thought of Neil, the elation of their oral sex mixed
with the fear that it would not happen again.  Reluctantly, he got up,
went to the bathroom to piss and to freshen up, and went downstairs.

"How was the tennis?" his mother asked cheerfully as she was setting the
table in the kitchen.

"Fine," TJ replied, trying, unsuccessfully, to mask his conflicting
emotions.

His father, who as a trial lawyer was sensitive to moods and tone of
voice in others, suspected that there might have been a problem.
"Everything went well, then?" he asked.  "Tell me about it."

TJ had too many experiences with his father's questioning skill not to
recognize that he was being cross-examined.  But he had also learned how
to evade and how to conceal whatever mischief or mistakes he wanted to
hide from his father.  In fact, it had almost become a competition
between them.  His father probed, used trick and leading questions while
TJ creatively omitted facts or invented new ones to avoid being
convicted of whatever misdeed his father suspected.  Unfortunately, the
game they played (without ever admitting to the other that it was a
competitive game) had driven a wedge into their relationship since
neither was willing to divulge their real motives, thoughts, or
emotions.  His father frequently used entrapment as a tactic, which only
caused TJ to become more skilled in evasion.  Their competitive
gamesmanship had another consequence.  It pushed TJ deeper into the
closet out of fear that his father might win a round and uncover his
real needs and urges.

"Neil is quite good," TJ said, adopting a tone that, for him, was the
norm.  "I beat him, of course, but he was a worthy opponent.  I was
particularly impressed with his backhand."

The score was TJ: 1 ... his father: 0.

"What did you do for lunch," his mother inquired.

"We got a pizza and came back here.  We talked for just a little while
but Neil had to get back to campus to work on a paper for Monday."

"That's nice.  I'm glad you enjoyed yourselves," his mother said as she
set the casserole on the table.  "He's such a nice young man.  Bright,
talented, and friendly, too."  That comment, TJ recognized since he knew
his mother as well as his father, was code for 'He's a role model for
you, TJ.'

TJ couldn't help but chuckle inwardly wondering how hysterical his
mother would be if she knew just how talented and friendly Neil was and
what they had done together on the sofa.  And that covert message, 'role
model,' was particularly ironic.

They ate dinner; TJ's parents did all the talking (which suited TJ just
fine), and they went their separate ways.  TJ went up to his bedroom,
ostensibly to study, his father went into his study to work on some
dusty legal briefs, his mother cleaned up the kitchen and went to the
basement media room to practice for an upcoming concert.

TJ had homework to do but couldn't get started because thoughts of Neil
dominated his mind.  Yes, he decided, he loved Neil.  But he had serious
doubts about Neil's feelings toward him.  There was nothing he could do
but wait ... and hope ... that Neil would call.

Sunday dragged on.  After the obligatory attendance at church and brunch
in a local restaurant, TJ retreated to his room.  He was grateful that
his parents had made no further reference to Neil.  There was no reason
to believe that his father suspected him of 'deviant and immoral'
behavior but there was always the possibility of saying the wrong thing
or saying the right thing in the wrong way and his father would pick up
on it and begin to probe.  Both his father and his mother would react
irrationally if they learned their son was queer.  They would probably
send him away to some 'rehabilitation' center to be 'cured.'  He would
never see Neil, the boy he loved, again.

A despondent TJ went to bed early Sunday night.  He had not heard from
Neil.  That Neil was probably busy working on his term paper did little
to comfort TJ.  Was that brief Saturday morning and delightful hour on
the sofa after lunch going to be no more than a memory to be cherished?

And how did Neil spend his Sunday?  Much like TJ.  He had spent the
remainder of Saturday in the library and on the computer doing research
for his paper.  He could normally crank out a term paper in half a day
but thoughts of TJ derailed his normal concentration and it was nearly
midnight before he had the paper ready for submission the next day.  He
wanted to call TJ all day and now it was far too late.  He finally went
to bed but his mind kept presenting him with images of TJ -- his fluid,
athletic performance on the tennis court -- his admirable body in the
shower -- his nervous, innocent behavior over lunch -- and, of course,
the culmination of their time together when they let their sensual side
take flight on the sofa.

TJ was the boy he had hoped for but two obstacles remained before he
could hope to have a committed relationship.  First, he knew that TJ had
been a virgin and his first gay experience might be clouding his
judgment.  Second, TJ might resist committing to a long-term
relationship with love as a basis and sex as an expression of that love.
He had suffered rejection from a previous partner who viewed sex as the
only basis for being together.  Before he fell asleep, he resolved to
'court' TJ with determination to win his genuine love but with caution
not to harbor too many false hopes of success nor risks of being burned
again.

TJ went to school on Monday but his mind was rarely on learning in
class.  He went to swimming practice after school but that soured his
mood further because the coach berated him for lack of effort.  It seems
that seeing him team mates in their tight-fitting, competition-style
swim suits only brought reminders of Neil's perfectly proportioned body.
Two of his team mates, whom he had previously admired and fantasized
over, no longer interested him.  He was obsessed with Neil and was
convinced that Saturday afternoon was, for Neil, nothing more than just
a quick sexual encounter.

He arrived home just before five.  Isabel was beginning to fix dinner
since TJ's parents had requested an early meal in order to attend a
political rally at 7:00.  "TJ," she called out to the boy as he moped
past the kitchen.  "There's a telephone message for you.  It's from
Neil.  He left a number and said you could call anytime because he would
be up late."

TJ was jarred out of his funk by the news.  Eagerly, he snatched the
note from Isabel and mumbled, "Thanks," as he almost ran to his room.
Isabel was not sure why TJ had come home in an obviously bad mood (he
had not greeted her with his usually cheerful "Hi!") and she was curious
why the message seemed to mean so much to TJ.  But that's a teenage boy,
she thought to herself and went back to work on dinner.

He threw his back pack on the bed and dug through it frantically for his
cell phone.  Nervously, he started to dial the number but then stopped.
He had realized that he would have to think through how and what to say
to Neil.  He would surely have to let him know that he wanted to see him
again but he didn't want to sound too eager.  He thought through several
possible reasons for Neil's call and tried to form a plan to react to
each.  Finally, with more anticipation than dread but still nervous, he
dialed the number again.

"Hello."

"Hi. This is TJ.  You called?"

"Yes.  Thanks for calling back.  How are you?"

"Fine ... now," TJ replied and immediately regretted the phrasing
because Neil might wonder and ask why he was not fine earlier and he
didn't want to confess the torture he suffered worrying about not seeing
Neil again.

As TJ feared, Neil asked, "Now?  You weren't before?  Are you all
right?"

"Yes, I'm fine.  Just a bad day at school and swim practice didn't go as
well as it should have.  But that happens sometimes.  Tomorrow will be
better, I'm sure."

"I hope so," Neil said and, to TJ's relief, changed the subject.  "I
just wanted to thank you again for Saturday.  I really enjoyed the
tennis and ... and everything."

"I did, too," TJ replied.  "Especially the 'everything.'  It was the
best day of my life."

"I've worried about that, TJ.  I've worried that you might have some
regrets about what happened ... I mean, I was afraid that I took
advantage of you.  Are you sure you're okay with what we did?"

"Absolutely.  I've wanted it for years and ... I have to be honest with
you ... I wanted it with you from the time we first met.  You made me
very happy."

"Then I'm happy, too." Neil gushed.  "Not only did I enjoy it but now I
know that you did, too.  Say ...  by the way ... are you alone?  Can we
talk?"

"I'm in my room on the cell phone.  The door's closed.  Isabel is in the
kitchen and my parents ... well ... if they're home they aren't around."

"Good.  I've thought about you a lot, TJ.  I could hardly do my term
paper because I was thinking about you.  You know that I've had sex
before but it was special with you.  Believe me when I say it was the
best I've ever had.  I was hoping ... if it's all right with you ...
that we could see each other again."

Tears of happiness welled up in TJ's eyes and he struggled to say, "Oh,
Neil.  You don't know how much I've wanted to hear you say that.  I've
hardly thought about anything else but I was afraid I wouldn't see you
again.  That's why I had such a bad day at school.  I couldn't
concentrate.  You told me not to say 'I love you' and I won't.  But I
can't help thinking it."

"Love may come, TJ.  I hope it does.  Right now, it's admiration ...
affection ... attraction ... whatever.  But let's not ignore it.  Let's
see if things work out for us.  Can we do that?"

"Of course."

"Great!  Now, when can I see you again?"

"Tonight!" TJ exclaimed.  "My parents are going to some political
meeting after dinner.  Isabel will be in her suite watching TV.  We'll
have the house to ourselves from about 6:30 until 9:00 or so.  Is that
okay with you?"

"That's wonderful.  But wait.  Let me think a minute," Neil replied
while TJ wondered what there was to think about.  "We may need a cover
story.  If your parents or Isabel see me there, we should have a
reason."

"Good thinking," TJ replied.  "Suppose you just dropped by to loan me a
CD that I asked for."

"Good.  I'll bring a cassette tape of my recital.  In fact, it might be
better if your parents do see me.  You can casually comment that I'll
stop by because you asked me for the tape.  I'll show up just before
they leave.  We'll act like we're just two friends.  Then, when they
leave, we can be really friendly.  You say they're leaving around 6:30?"

TJ was won over by the logic of Neil's plan.  "That's great, Neil.  I
admire your thinking."  A thought made TJ laugh.

"What's funny?" Neil inquired.

Still chuckling, TJ managed to say, "My mother will be delighted that
you came to see me.  She likes you and has dropped a few hints that you
could be a role model for me.  If only she knew!"

They both laughed at the irony of the situation but TJ continued, "And
my father...  He told me once of a case he tried in court.  He was on
the prosecution team.  The defendant was found innocent of a conspiracy
charge.  I don't pretend to understand the intricate details of the case
but my father was livid and said, 'the bastard got away with it.  All
his dealings were out in the open so the jury acquitted him.  He was
hiding in plain sight.'  So that's what we'll be doing: hiding in plain
sight."

After another round of laughter, Neil said, "That's beautiful.  But
we'll still have to be careful.  I hate to think what would happen if
your parents ... or mine ... found out about us."

"I agree, Neil.  We can maintain an innocent facade but show our love
for each other in private. Oh Oh!  I'm sorry.  I used the word, love,
and I promised not to."

"That's all right, TJ.  I know what you meant -- hot, steamy sex.  I'm
getting horny already."

"So am I.  I'm hard just thinking about it."

"Well leave it alone.  I want to take care of your beautiful cock
myself."

"See you tonight, then."

TJ flipped his cell phone closed, terminating the call, and whooped.  He
bounded down the stairs, kissed Isabel on the cheek as she was setting
the table, and said, "What's for dinner, sweetheart?  I'm starved."

TJ hadn't kissed her in years and she gave him an incredulous look
before answering, "Pork chops, baked potato, string beans ... and I'm
glad to see that my favorite teenager is back to normal."