Date: Fri, 25 Jan 2008 09:41:28 -0500
From: Morris Henderson <bigmoh@post.com>
Subject: An_Improbable_Love_Chapter_6

AN IMPROBABLE LOVE

Chapter Six

As they entered TJ's room, Neil was looking forward to the sex they
would have.  More than that, however, he was determined to follow a plan
he had formulated before arriving.  He knew that TJ would be horny and
want to have sex immediately (in fact, he wanted that, too).  He knew
that would not take much time -- they would reach climax quickly.  Then,
Neil would implement the major part of his plan, a prolonged period of
affectionate cuddling.  This, he knew, would be an important part of a
long-term relationship.  He wanted to assess how TJ responded.  Would he
just want more sex or would he be comfortable just lying together?
That's what he wanted with his former boyfriend, the one who was in the
relationship just for the periodic orgasms.  That's what he yearned for.
That would indicate that he and TJ might form a permanent bond.  Still,
he allowed for the possibility that TJ would want more physical sex.
After all, he was -- until two days ago -- a frustrated virgin.

TJ anticipated the sex just as eagerly as Neil but, from a lack of
experience, hadn't thought through the need to just be in intimate
contact and hadn't experienced the blissful satisfaction of merely being
together.

They undressed each other, which was particularly arousing for TJ
because he was no longer nervous.  He could now, finally, enjoy the
beauty of another boy's body, he could look without fear of exposing his
hidden nature and he could touch, feel, and caress without guilt or
shame.

Within minutes, both boys were naked on the bed, their mouths
periodically locked together, and their hands roaming all over each
other's body.  Neil took the lead.  He moved into a 69 position.  TJ
instantly recognized Neil's intent and eagerly enveloped Neil's cock in
his mouth just before he felt the erotic stimulation of warm, wet lips
surrounding his own.  TJ tried to hold back, to make the coupling last,
but it was impossible.  His body stiffened.  He moaned loudly.  His cock
sent shock waves through his body and blasted several bursts of cum into
Neil's welcoming mouth.

Even before he had fully recovered from a debilitating orgasm, he
resumed his worship of Neil's cock.  His lips, tongue, and hands grew
tired as he continued to suckle on and tease Neil's cock.  He began
worrying that he might be doing something wrong because Neil was taking
far longer to cum than he had.  Suddenly, his worries vanished as Neil
groaned and released his seed into TJ's throat.  He savored the taste
and reluctantly swallowed the gift that his 'lover' had given him.

He then shifted positions so he could lie alongside Neil head to head.
He snuggled up to him, laid an arm and a leg across the top of him, and
gave him a tender kiss on the cheek.  He wouldn't have believed it to be
possible but he was happier now than he had been after their first
encounter on the sofa.

Neil turned on his side to face TJ.  He hugged him and returned the
gentle, tender kiss.

"Oh, Neil..." TJ began.

Neil put his finger on TJ's lips and said, "No need to say it, TJ.  I
know.  Because I feel the same way."

They kissed once more.  TJ laid his head on Neil's shoulder and slowly,
softly, ran his hand across Neil's chest.  Neil gently ran his hand
through TJ's hair until they both stopped to just be held tightly by the
other.

They laid there silently for several minutes.  TJ felt, for the first
time in years, completely at peace with his inner turmoil.  This was
exactly what he was: a gay male who had, at last, found contentment with
another male.

Neil, although also blissfully content, was distracted by other
thoughts.  He desperately wanted to build a loving relationship with TJ
but he simultaneously worried that he would, in time, be disappointed
again if TJ's initial euphoria over gay sex waned or if some unforeseen
event would jeopardize the potential bond.  He wanted to love TJ but was
subconsciously denying himself hope and preventing him from expressing
his love.

Several more minutes passed wordlessly before Neil kissed TJ's forehead
and said, "TJ, can we talk?"

"Sure.  About what?"

"Have you thought about what you'll say to Isabel if she saw us and
confronts you?"

"Not in detail, no.  I'll have to wait and see what she might say.  I'm
sure she won't be angry but I'm not sure if she would approve. I told
you she has a gay nephew and she thinks the world of him.  She always
sees the good in people regardless of their race, religion, education,
or economic status.  I'm sure she feels the same way about gays."

"But this is a different situation, TJ.  She may be thinking about your
parents and how it would hurt them to know that you're gay.  If she saw
us, she's facing a dilemma."

"What do you mean?"

"Look at it from her perspective.  First, assume she saw us.  She could
draw only one conclusion -- that you and I are gay and probably did more
with each other than kiss.  You say she loves you like a son.  You also
say that she's okay with homosexuality.  Put those two feelings together
and she will no doubt want you to be happy, even if it's with a male
lover.  That's one horn of the dilemma.  The other horn is your parents.
She's obligated to respect their wishes as far as you are concerned.
That means she can't allow their son to engage in gay sex.  I suspect
she's been wrestling with those thoughts.  If she saw us, we've created
a problem for her as much as for ourselves."

TJ quietly considered the logic of Neil's comments and began to regret
being careless enough to put his beloved Isabel in such a predicament.
Neil remained silent, knowing that TJ had to think through the
consequences of whatever he said to Isabel.  Eventually, TJ said, "I
love Isabel.  She's been a second mother to me.  In fact, I love her
more than my own mother.  I know that sounds harsh, but it's honest.  I
love my father, too, but we've never been close.  When he's not
lecturing me on becoming a good citizen -- which means sharing his
values and being just like him -- then he's playing games with my head,
trying to outwit me.  And he's stiff ... formal ... never expressing
affection ... for me or for my mother."

"And your point is?" Neil asked.

"Yeah, I know," TJ admitted.  "I've been rambling.  But it's your
fault."

"MY FAULT?  How can it be my fault?"

"Because you're so easy to talk to.  I feel more comfortable exposing my
feelings to you than to anybody ... except maybe Isabel.  Anyway, I'll
get to the point.  I'm gay.  I know that one day I'll come out of the
closet.  That will hurt my parents but it's inevitable.  If it comes to
a choice -- and I hope it doesn't -- I will hurt my parents before I
hurt Isabel."

"Okay," Neil said thoughtfully.  "I accept your reasoning.  At least as
far as it goes.  You don't want to hurt anybody ... your parents and
least of all Isabel.  But bear with me on this.  We're making a lot of
assumptions: that Isabel saw us, that she concludes that you're gay,
that we do more than kiss.  Suppose she tells you that homosexuality is
wrong and you must not have sex with a man -- me or somebody else.
Would you defy her and do it anyway?"

"That won't happen, Neil.  She's not a bigot like my parents.  She may
warn me of the consequences, she may force me to consider people other
than myself, but she won't forbid it.  Trust me.  I know her well enough
to be sure of that."

"I'm just trying to consider all possibilities, TJ.  I think it would be
wise to be prepared even for the unlikely."

"You're right, of course.  But it doesn't change the fact that I'm gay,
that eventually I'll have to be what I am.  It doesn't change the fact
that my parents will be upset with me.  And finally, it doesn't change
the fact that ...."  TJ abruptly stopped in mid-sentence.

"That what?" Neil asked.

"That I love you.  I know, I know.  You said it's too soon to know that.
You said it's impossible.  But I say it's only improbable and I do know
it, Neil.  I love you.  I love my parents.  I love Isabel.  But my love
for you is different.  It's the kind of love that makes me hurt when I'm
not with you.  It's the kind of love that makes me want to give myself
to you completely -- heart, soul, mind, and body."

Neil was left speechless at the sincerity of TJ's profession of love but
felt compelled to say, "I believe you, TJ.  I don't doubt that you have
very strong feelings.  But let me suggest that they may not persist.
You've just had your first experience of sex with a guy ... after years
of yearning for it.  That may be influencing how you feel about me.  I'm
immensely flattered, of course, but realistically I have to consider
that your feelings toward me will cool.  I don't want that but I have to
entertain the possibility."

A thought crossed TJ's mind that saddened him.  "Or your feelings toward
me may cool.  I would just be another in a series of sex partners."

Neil abruptly broke their hug and propped himself up on an elbow to look
directly into TJ's face.  "Listen to me, TJ.  I'm going to be brutally
honest with you.  Believe what you hear because every word is the truth.
When we first met at dinner on Friday night, I was immediately impressed
with your good looks.  As we talked over dinner, I became equally
impressed with your mind and character.  That conversation about your
school project told me you were compassionate and caring about social
injustices.  I admire that.  When I left that evening, I was looking
forward to seeing you the next morning.  Now here's the part that I'm
not proud of but it's the truth.  I wanted to seduce you.  I wanted to
have sex with you.  Why?  Because you're very sexy.  That little ploy of
getting a massage was part of my plan.  Are you listening?  Pay
attention to this.  At some point when we were having sex, a feeling
came over me.  It's hard to explain but I no longer saw you as a just a
sex partner.  I thought of you a possible partner.  Saturday night and
Sunday were hell for me because I missed you.  We had been together only
twice ... and intimate only once.  But by Sunday night my intentions had
changed completely.  I no longer wanted just sex.  I wanted you.  My
objective changed.  I decided that I wanted to court you, to win your
love, to hopefully forge a lasting relationship.  You're not just
another in a series of sex partners, TJ.  Yes, I've had sex with other
boys.  I even felt I loved one of them but he had other ideas and we
split up.  I'm scared, TJ, scared that I'll lose you, too.  More than
anything, I want to earn your love and have that love grow and
flourish."  Neil fell silent while continuing to look into TJ's eyes.

"You have it," TJ said while tears of happiness flowed down his cheeks.
"You have my love.  Unconditionally."

The two friends -- now two lovers -- hugged and kissed for several
minutes before settling down to the simple and blissful joy of being
together.