Date: Mon, 16 Sep 2002 17:33:31 -0400
From: Gerald Johnson <with_souls_intertwined@hotmail.com>
Subject: In A Person's World 3

Warnings:

This is a story of fictional, graphic, male on male, sex.  If it is illegal
to view sexual pornography in wherever you are, please do not continue.
This story is all about sex with minors of ages' 12-17 and adults.  It also
starts after the initial seduction.  Any similarities to any person, real or
fictitious, is just pure coincidence.


Chapter 3


Mark's POV


Day came on and the blazing sun rose high above the horizon.  Sunlight
drifted through the gaps of the drapes and the small holes of the fabric
into my room.  This sudden awareness hit me like a ton of brinks: someone
was in bed with me.

Chad Mather, Mr. Cool is right in bed with me.  Who would've thought?  I
guess I did when I promised to bring him from the virgin side and into a
world of lust and emotion.  Proud that I've been very good to him, I kissed
the sleeping Chad and went downstairs to fix us some breakfast.

On the table was bacon, eggs, toast, pancakes, and waffles.  I didn't know
what he wanted so I made everything that I could find.  Eating early in the
morning wasn't really my thing so I just popped in a few vitamins and took a
cup of coffee.

Five minutes after I had set everything up, Chad came rustling down the
stairs.  I had put the candles away and his gifts, excluding me, on the
table with his food.  Mom and Dad wasn't home yet so I guess both of them
were swamped with work.  Hm, what else is new?

"Morning," he said smiling.

"Morning.  Do you want pancakes or waffles?" I asked putting down the cup of
coffee and poured Chad some of his own.

Eagerly taking it and replying, "Pancakes are fine," he took me by the hand,
sat me down, and sat down across from me.  "We have to talk.  What we did
last night isn't something that I want repeated."

"I know that already.  You wouldn't want the whole school know that your as
a fag as I am," I said sadly.

Shaking his head, he said, "No, it's not something as trivial as that.  What
we did last night was special.  Only you and I are supposed to know about it
and that how I want to keep it.  A loving memory between the two of us."

"A memory," I repeated as I sunk my head.  "So you felt it, too, huh?"

"Yeah, Mark I do love you but I'm not in love with you.  The sex was . . .
well, it was great and the emotional level is something I will always share
with you but it's just that between the two of us . . . it's not . . ."

"Right.  Your straight and I'm gay.  Oil and water.  Fire and water.  Sonny
and Cher.  Well, neither of them is gay but they still weren't meant for
each other.  Look, I like spending time with you.  You're a close friend
that I would never trade.  It's just that when we were together it felt like
something was missing."

"Something was missing.  That idea you spent on me was to be for Matt.  Your
still hung up on him.  So, if you ever want to talk, then you'll know where
to find me.  Just tell me one thing," he said all somber-like.  "Did you
even cum?"

Rolling my eyes, I served him his food and then went to grab my blades.
Turning back once, I left him with this comment, "It didn't matter."



Matt's POV



(The same morning of the aftermath of Mark's new ceremonial de-virginizing,
Matt and his best friend Evan start talking about what a dingbat Matt is)




DAMMIT!  Why the hell did I have to go here?  Evan is just gonna make me
feel worse by pointing out how stupid I was.  Okay, so he maybe right but
does that mean that I have to take his abuse?

Evan Daniels is my best friend in the whole world.  The night I told him
about Mark and me, he just listened and never judged.  But now that he knows
that I was doing something I wanted to do not something I was pressured to
do, he accepted that I was screwing with a guy and was there to talk to if I
ever needed him.  Right now, I need him.  Him.  Not this:

"You idiot!  You had a good thing going for you and you just wasted it
because you didn't want to feel anything?  Bullshit, man.  That was just
pure bullshit."

"Don't you think I know that?  But it wasn't my fault!  He kicked me out!
Like he said, I'm beneath him now," I whined as I laid down on his waterbed.

Evan paced the length of his twin bed, while stroking his chin.  "Okay, this
is what we'll do . . ."

"No!" I yelled.  "No plan, no scheme, no shit.  He's gone on and so will I."

Evan stopped dead in his tracks and smiled, "And the deadbeat finally
realizes it!  Of course no scheme.  If you had gone with whatever I had come
up with all you would have done was make Mark madder or keep yourselves
farther apart then you are now.  What your supposed to do is wait, because
he's right about you.  You are afraid.  If it was up to me, and right now it
is, I would lock you up until you finally realize that you feel something
for him.  All right, I admit that I don't think your gay.  Nor do I thin
your bi, but Mark is.  Let's face it, Mark is gay.  You are not.  But you do
have feelings for him..  Feelings that surpass sexual preferences or even
love preferences.  Every single particle in your body yearns for him and you
don't know why.  Yeah, you have feelings for him but do you have any
feelings for any other male?"

"No!" I said appalled.  "Mark was just a guy I used for sex."

"But it backfired when he said that he was in love with you.  Are you in
love with him?"

"No!"

"Then why do you care so much if he decided that he didn't want to hang out
with you anymore?  You do have feelings for him.  I think your head over
heels in love with him."

"Am not," I pouted.

"Are too," he said as he sat on the bed with me.

"Am not."

"Are we gonna get into this?  No?  Good.  As I was saying, you actually like
Mark.  For all the goddam reasons that I don't even want to know, you like
him.  Of all the time you were together, you were allowed to date.  He
wasn't allowed to date but he still wanted to please you.  Jean, the first
love of his life was broken up about him when he decided that he wanted you.

"And you, you had the right to date.  Once in a while, during the past
months, you were asked out by girls and you never even thought about it.
You just said, `Oh, not now.  Maybe later.'  Face the facts, you like him.
But you don't love him.  You don't even know what love is like.  Mark does.
He's had at least two loves, you and Jean.  He lost Jean and now he just
wanted to prove that he loves you.  He's grown up and your still the
immature brat that we all know and love.  And that scared you.  You're the
frightened little boy and he's the strong male and that scared you.  When we
first met, how did you treat me?"

Thinking back to the time of just skateboarding for a young seven year old,
I was thought of as the creme a la creme of the cool kids.  And when this
scrawny kid, which was then shorter than I was and is taller than I am now,
came up to me, I had to ignore the boy and then prove dominance toward him.
"Like dirt."

"And you always, always had to get the better hand of me.  When we played
soccer, if I scored even one goal above your score, you would always make me
play until you were ten points ahead of me.  You always had to be the bigger
man and prove your dominance above me.  That's the reason I ended up being
friends with a blader myself.  When Mark told you he loved you and you knew
that you just had feelings for him but you don't love him, it scared you.
Mark's growing up and you're being that same little boy who has to play an
extra game of soccer just to win.  Love is not like that, Matt.  Sometimes
you'll lose and sometimes you'll win.  This time, you lost.  Accept it."

Evan had a look on his face that pleaded for me to know what he's talking
about, and I do.  "Perhaps your right.  I treated you like shit and I
treated everyone else that was close to me like shit and now the only person
I care about treats me like shit."

"Karma.  What goes around comes around.  I'm sorry you had your feelings
hurt and I'm sorry that you might never even be with Mark ever again but
what I'm not sorry for is that you finally leaned true meaning.  You've
grown up."

Yeah, I have.  Over the past day, I've grown up.  Time moved ever so slowly
and minutes past as hours so this gave me time to think.  Do I have feelings
for Mark?  Yes.  Is it possible that these feelings could morph into love?
Yes.  Did I want to take a risk and finally be in a relationship with
anyone?  No.  Did I want to take a risk and finally be in a relationship
with Mark?  Yes.  I need to find Mark.



Mark's POV




I had left Chad to his own and went out for a run with my blades.  The plan
was he'll go home and we'll hang out with a few other friends at the Pier
later on.  After I had left my home and got to the streets I saw Puck in his
yard lacing on his own blades.  So the new kid is a blader, too.  I guess I
was right about him.  Stopping in front of his house, I greeted him, "Hey."

"Hey, man.  Dude, where you headed?"

"Anywhere.  Maybe meet up with some friends.  You wanna hang?"

"Sure.  Do you think they'll accept me in?"

"Man, I already told you that they accept everyone and shun those who are
stupid enough to wreak it."

"Sweetish.  Aight, I'll follow your lead."

Hmm, where have I heard that before?  I'll have to figure that out later
because I wanted to get my skating on.

The Pier, as it is called, is a place down south that is basically a
boardwalk.  Out there was a carnival, food stands, the biggest skate park in
the state, and friends.  Also, it was right next to the beach so I could go
swimming if I wanted to but I'd probably end up all day skating at the park.

When we got to the Pier I did find some of my friends.  There was Jeremy, a
sophomore who was my first friend throughout my freshman year.  Nick, a guy
I met in the second semester of my freshman year.  And Tom, another guy from
my freshman year.

I introduced the new guy and soon we ended up skating the rest of the
afternoon away.  Chad never showed up so I figured that he either found
something better to do and I'll find out as soon as I get home from my
answering machine or he feel asleep.

Throughout the whole day, he seemed to want to talk about Matt but I steered
him from that subject to others.  I rather just forget about Matt and live
on the rest of my life.  It's been only two days and I want him dead to me
right now.

I left Puck with the gang for the rest of the day and wandered the beach for
the perfect spot.  But then I remembered, the perfect spot was Grandfather's
cove.  I need to collect my thoughts and that's the only place that I'll be
able to do it.



Upon reaching Grandfather's cove, I immediately ran over to the cliffs since
I wanted to just sit down and think.  Within the cliffs there is a cave that
stretches a few hundred feet within.  The crashing waves and the smell of
the sea filled my senses up to the brim.  This was an old technique of mine.
  Bring in all the little things into your mind and once your filled expel
every single one of them clearing your thoughts to make you see what you've
always wanted to think about.  And the only thing I wanted to think about
was . . . Matt.

The only person I wanted to see was Matt.  Longing to hold him, longing to
see him, it hurt me to think that I could go on without him.  My thoughts
went back to the idiot and very cute guy that I USED to love.  USED TO.
USED TO!  USED TO!! USED TO!!!  I used to love him.

I can't stand it.  It hurts to think about him.  My heart aches in a
terrible pain thumping within the walls of my whole being!  I wanted to
scream.  I wanted to be numb.  I wanted peace.  But no, I had to feel.  I
had to live.  I had to . . .  Why does it have to be this way?  Why did I
have to say those words to him?  Why didn't I trust him enough to tell me
what he felt when the time came?

With my head in my hands I sat there crying, with no one to ease my pain.  I
regret what I did with Chad but I don't either.  It's complicated.  It feels
like I cheated on Matt or something, but I didn't!  Or did I?  God, why did
you let me do this?!  Why couldn't you have struck me down the moment the
thought came into my head?!

All I have now are memories but most of them are scaring me to death.  I
will never find love like that anymore.  I can't find a love like that
anymore.

Our lives are ruled over by passion, nothing else.  Everyone in the whole
world, even though some pretend that they aren't, is looking for someone to
love if they haven't found it yet.  Passion beckons us to it's side and we
follow, like helpless puppies.  We can't help it.  It's in all of us,
dormant and waiting, waiting for the right moment to come out and merge with
another person's.  It seems that I had already merged with Matt's and he
took it with him when I told him to leave.  I know that I will heal and I
will get that part of me back again when I do, but when?  When will I get it
back?  I'm fooling myself if I think that I won't ever love again, because
that's the reason we're on this earth, is to love.

Maybe I can live without passion, without love, without feeling, but if I
did, I'd really be dead, hollow, without a soul or conscience.  I feel it
inside of me, the walls of my very being had lost their light and warmth and
was replaced by the dark and dank shell of what I show the world.  Alone
with Matt I shared with him my true self.  Now I can't do that piece with
anyone else because I had already given that to him and he has total
possession of it and I wasn't allowed to touch that same one ever again.  I
will get a new one but I can't get back the one I've built for over sixteen
years.  I don't need a razor to slit my wrists, I don't need twenty pills to
OD on them, I don't need a gun to shoot myself with, I am already dead.  I
am dead.



[Two weeks later . . .]



Chad's POV




The past weeks have been nightmares.  Matt's friends have been more arrogant
than usual.  The fights between the group have been more frequent and much
more dangerous.  Jeremy ended up with a broken rib when he got into a fight
with some guy named Steven and some guy named AJ had a broken nose for it.
Matt says that he hasn't done anything to make them go after the guys and I
trust him but I don't trust his friends.

In the hierarchy of the school, Matt was at the top of the Boarders and his
right hand was Steven, the same guy who broke Jeremy's rib.  In the Bladers
side, the top of the pyramid was controlled by a guy named Josh and his
right hand was Mark.  Both Matt and Mark hold much power but Matt controls
more.  By the way, the people who got into the fights were suspended on the
spot because of how severe the injuries were and how routine the fights
were.  Soon an eighth of the junior class was gone.

Matt avoided talking to anyone who he didn't trust.  At least he was talking
about it.  I've been told by an old friend that he's missing Mark like
crazy.  Evan, Matt's best friend, is the snitch but I couldn't pass his
information to Mark because he has to notice that Matt still wants him.

Mark avoided everyone.  The day after I lost my virginity, he went cold.
Acting like a mindless drone, he walked through the halls being somber
throughout the whole time.  He avoid everyone and I noticed the decline in
his work.  With his grade dropping, I thought he would care.  Only he
didn't.  He didn't care anymore, about anything.  He always avoided
answering when some of the guys asked him about what happened to Jean.  Matt
still plagued his mind and the only thing he could do to get rid of it was
to turn to smoking and alcohol.  Well, what really scared me was what would
happen later on tonight and the following day.




Within my house, the Parentals and Chloe were asleep, tucked int heir beds,
and so was I until I heard the door bell ring.  Dragging my self out of bed,
I opened the door grumpily and said, "What?"  I didn't even notice who it
was because whoever he was, he was alone with a bottle of bourbon on the
rocking chair of the porch.  It didn't bother me that I was only in my
boxers and a shirt.

With a slurred voice, he called out, "Sorry to come so late but I think I
took away something from you."  I noticed the voice right away, it was Mark.
  How could he have gotten a bottle of liquor when he looks so young?

"Dude, are you drunk?"

"Yes, quite a bit actually.  You mind if I crash here?  My place was really
boring seeing as though no one wants to be with me.  Kat's at her friend's
house, Mom and Dad are at work, and Matt's probably happy with his straight
life anyhow."

As I walked up toward him, he took another swig of that accursed bottle.
"Mark, give that to me.  You shouldn't be drinking.  Your underage for one
matter and that's not true what you said about your family.  They love you
it's just that Kat's still young and your parents are too old.  You can
crash here for tonight if you give me the bottle."

"No, I don't wanna," he said, whining like an infant.  "It's mind and you
can't do nothing about it."

Okay now he's really drunk if he used double negatives.  Also, I think he
said mind.  Looking straight at his face, I noticed he had a large cut on
his right eye that had dried blood surrounding it.  I better not ask.  He's
already humiliated, no need to make it worse by pointing out how clumsy he
is.

"Mark, give me the bottle and I'll give you some Funions."

"Don't patronize me.  I'm still me.  I know what's going on."

The night had a brisk feel to it and it didn't seem like a right place to
talk.  Mark was trembling but I didn't know what was up with him because he
wouldn't tell me.  "Hey, how about we go inside and talk?"

He nodded and handed me the liquor.  Supporting some of his weight with my
shoulders, I brought him inside.  It took all the stealthiness that I had to
keep from waking up my family from his thumping when his feet hit every
single step we had.

Once inside my room, I dropped him on my bed and started to strip him.  At
first he protested, "Damn, I thought you didn't want have sex anymore?"  But
then he said, "Ah, well, might as well.  You don't have to use a condom just
put on some of that lube I gave you."

Pulling off his shoes, I grunted, "Oh, shut up.  I'm just making you
comfortable."  Soon he was in his boxers and he was moaning.  Half of his
body, his torso, is on the bed and his bottom half was dragging off the bed.
  "I'm gonna leave you here first.  I'm gonna get a towel to clean your
head.  The guys will bug you til hell freezes over if you don't tell them
where you got that cut."

He started mumbling something but I didn't stay long enough to find out
what.

Downstairs, as I wet the piece of cloth and grabbing the first aid kit, I
thought of Mark's body.  Even when he was drunk he still looked pretty hot.
His sweat glistened body made his muscles look big and very defined.  Those
eyes of his made me melt.

What the hell am I saying?!  I'm not attracted to him, am I?  I can't I'm
the one that's straight.  Here comes that old question, nature or nurture?
Right now I's swaying to the nurture idea.  Okay, maybe I'm not falling in
love with him, or am in love with him, I just love him as much as I love a
brother.  I just remembered, if my parents finds out that Mark was here
drunk, they'd ground me for life and Mark is banned from our household.
They better not find out, meaning I better get up there.

Inside my room, Mark was standing up and looking at the pictures I had in a
photo album on my bed.  He didn't notice me because I was still outside and
was watching him from a crack through the door.  Many times, I've wondered
what people do when their alone.  The photo album he had was the one with
the pictures of the eighth grade field trip to a water park.

For some reason, Mark started to scratch himself in his manly areas.  Just
the thought of him doing that made me harden and throb.  And then an image
in my mind scared me, I saw Mark and I together again, connected but the
other way around.

I knew that I was invading his personal space, so I entered and cleared my
throat.  "Hey, do you remember that?"

"Yeah, I do," he said and then chuckled.  "That day I couldn't keep my dick
down for more than five minutes.  Most of the guys in our class back then
were totally hot and seeing them shirtless didn't help my problem a single
bit, especially Matt . . . and you."

Smiling in an aw-shucks kind of way, I said, "Whatever your doing, it's not
working.  I don't want to have sex," I lied.  I really wanted to have sex
with him right now, to tear the last piece of clothing he had and rip mine
off, too.  "Now, hold still, I need to fix this cut."  As soon as I touched
him with the cloth, he winced, "Don't be such a big baby."  I got an idea
and unfortunately it was another naughty one.  "Lay down on your back."

He did what I asked and moaned on the way down, "Ugh, I feel like shit."  As
he did, his boxers' fly opened and his semi-erect cock flopped out.  Even
when he was half hard, he was at five inches.

Blushing as I strode his stomach, facing his face, I said, "Um, your boxers
are open."

"So?"

"Your little man is sneaking out."

"Put it back in," he said dropping hid head and closing his eyes.  When I
didn't move, he looked up at me and said, "What are you waiting for?"  Then
his mouth changed into a smirk, "Oh, come on, putting my dick away isn't
sex."

When I turned around to put it away from him, he was fully hard.  "What is
that?" I asked as I locked it back into place.

"What?  I haven't had sex in almost two weeks.  I'm horny!  Doesn't mean you
have to do anything about it.  It wasn't like you left me frustrated and
without cum when you came in me."

"So you didn't cum?" I asked as I gently scrubbed away the dried blood.

"Sorry, but no.  Come on, you were still new at it," he assured me by
rubbing my chest and nipples.  That didn't help my current situation.  Damn,
I shouldn't have suggested that we go in this position because now I'm
getting an erection.  My nipples were starting to get erect and the
sensations coming off Mark's fingertips that were entering my body sent a
gush of precum from my dick.

Closing my eyes and just falling into what he was doing for just a second, I
whispered, "Don't.  We can't do this again," I said.  My voice was faltering
and my breath was intensifying.  Urges begged me to lean down and kiss him
but I can't.  Concentrating on the task in hand, fixing Mark's eyebrow, I
put on a band aid.  I knew I had to get off and leave Mark alone but I felt
like I wanted to touch him more.  "Mark, I thought we said that we don't
belong together?" I asked as I started to climb off of him.

Grabbing my waist, he pulled me back down, "I was wrong.  I want to hold you
again."

"God, our lives are like a corny soap opera.  Look, sleep on it.  Tomorrow
we'll decide if we're gonna get back together."


He nodded and went to sleep.  It wasn't long for me to drift into the same
scape that he was in but it was all innocent, he was over the covers, I was
sweating under the covers and that's how it was when we woke up.



Mark's POV



I woke up at about what felt like six in the morning, but it was really ten
thirty, in a place where I recognized that wasn't my sanctuary of my room.
Hearing the faint snore of someone in my bed I thought, `Oh my god!  Did I
just sleep with Chad again?'

My heart raced and I knew that something happened last night but I don't
seem to remember anything since I was so wasted.  The throbbing in my head
felt like a bomb was dropped and an aftermath of complete horror had taken
it's place.

Chad was beneath the covers turned away from me and I was above facing him,
had anything really happen last night?  I tried not to think about it
because the more I thought, about anything, the more the pain in my head
exploded into chaos.

Ugh, I feel like shit.    The room around me kept spinning and that made my
head hurt even more so I ended up closing my eyes.  My piss hard-on was
right on schedule but I couldn't risk his family finding me in just my
boxers.  Opening my eyes, I looked around the room for any and all my
clothing.  I found them neatly folded on Chad's dresser so I basically knew
that he was the one that undressed me.  I wouldn't have taken the time to
take them off because if I tried I'd likely would have just ripped
everything into shreds.

I stood up, making sure not to wake up Chad, and made my way to my clothing.
  Sensing a great deal of anxiety from my thoughts, I tried so hard to think
of what happened last night as I put on my jeans.  It didn't bother me as
much that we had sex, what bothered me is that he took advantage of me.  Or
did he?  My mind if fucking with me way too much for me to think straight.

I made my way to the bathroom and passed Chloe's room along the way.  There
was absolutely no way she couldn't have seen me so when I made a dash for
the restroom, I was suddenly stopped by one word, "Hey."

That one word vibrated inside my ears and was amplified as if she used a
bullhorn.  "Could you not scream?  I'm having a very . . . harsh morning."

I entered the restroom and took a major piss.  Unfortunately, the water
hitting water didn't help with the current situation of the multiplying of
sound in my ears.

Chloe came out in her usual attire, an earth-tone based shirt, jeans, her
long hair in a pony tail, and a baseball cap.  "Harsh?  What does thou mean?
  Oh, wait, let me guess, YOU WERE OUT DRINKING!"

Again, the sound was amplified and rang in my ears long after she had
stopped talking, "Damn, what if your parents heard you?"

"They didn't.  They're at work.  Come on, if you have a hang over, let me
get something to help."  She started walking down the stairs and beckoned me
with her.  Taking some Tylenol out of the medicine cabinet from the kitchen,
she said, "Take these.  Extra strength.  You want a glass of anything?" she
asked as she popped out some of the pills.

"No, if I drink anything, it'll likely end up in the toilet.  Thanks," I
said as I grabbed the two capsules.  Swallowing both of them didn't really
bother me because most of the pain was directed toward my head.  I went over
to their breakfast nook and sat down.  I rested my head in my hands and
closed my eyes.

"Hey, Mark."

"Hmm?"  I noticed that her voice was softer than it had been so I guess she
was either whispering or my hearing was returning to normal.

"Why were you drinking last night?  You aren't that big on drinking before.
How did it start?"

That part I knew well.  "Well, I was out with a few friends, older friends,
and they took me to a bar.  I don't know if your brother told you, and I'm
sure that he didn't, but I'm having some relationship problems."

"Jean?"

"Not Jean, another person.  Anyway, I told myself that it would just be one
shot of tequila but after that one shot, it expanded to ten, to fifteen, I
lost count after fifteen."  After that I found myself asleep in your
brother's . . . floor."

"In . . . his floor," she repeated apparently not convinced.  Her face was
full of obvious doubt and I fear that she might know what we've been doing.
"You were sleeping . . . in his floor."

"You know what I meant," I said starting to get very irritated.

"Come closer," Chloe said.

The table wasn't that long in it's width so when I came close enough, Chloe
came in for the attack.  She kissed me.  It was a real passionate kiss, one
where we took turns sliding our tongues into each other's mouths.  I took
hold of her bottom lip with my lips and she did the same with my top lip.

As we pulled back, I felt a hand on my crotch.  It wasn't mine, it was
her's.

"What are you doing?"

"Checking to see if I was right."

She didn't have to check long because I wasn't hard.  Whenever I kiss a
girl, I never get hard but when I kiss a guy, meaning Chad or Matt, I got
hard instantly.  Right then, I was as flaccid as I was going to get, and she
knew it.

"Thought so.  You were sleeping in my brother's bed and I'm guessing that
you've suddenly switched sides in the sexual playing field," she said so
matter-of-fact-ly.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you're gay.  Is that the reason that you broke up with Jean?" she
asked with much curiosity as if she hadn't just kissed me and found out that
I was gay.

Somehow, with the recent coming out to Chad, it didn't seem to me that it
was a problem that Chloe knew.  I mean, she was one of my closest friends.
"I can't believe that you found out that I was gay.  You and your brother
are so much alike."

"Quit changing the subject and answer my question," she said.

"I'm not changing the subject, your question is the same question that Chad
asked as soon as I told his that I was gay.  Anyways, yes, that was the
reason."

"Wait a second, Chad knows you're gay?  And what does he feel about it?"

"Before I tell you, what do you feel about it?"

"Well, I had hopes that we would likely end up together but I knew that you
didn't feel that way for me.  I took it as a sign that we weren't meant to
be together when you look at me.  It's okay, I still love you like a bro."

"Aw, thanks, and I do love you as a sister.  Wow!  That Tylenol really
worked, I can hardly feel any pain.  Now, you were saying?"

"Yes, it really doesn't bother me that your gay and I've already accepted
it.  Don't worry about me and tell me about Chad.  How does he feel about
it?"

"He's been pretty cool about it.  He was more interested with who I was
sleeping with rather than realize that his best friend is gay."

"Sleeping with?  By the way, who are you sleeping with?" she asked with a
sly smile.

Shaking my head slowly, because if I did it any harder I would get a
headache, I said, "Sorry.  Chad was a guy, and he is the first best friend
that comes to mind, and you being the third, I don't have to tell you.
That's the deal, I don't tell you until I tell the second best friend."

"Who is the second? And why am I third?!"

"Jeremy's second and I can't tell him because his mom won't let anyone near
him since he broke his rib.  As soon as he's healed, I'll tell him the truth
about me.  I'm planning on telling just you three since you guys are my only
best friends.  And you're third because you're a chick.  If you had a dick,
then maybe you would be second."

"Is that the reason Chad's in first place, you like his body?"

Blushing, I leaned in and kissed her again.  This was a kiss on the cheek,
something we usually did, "Sorry, but I can't tell you that."

"Damn you to hell, Mark Petteway.  Damn your sweet self to hell."

Smiling, I said to her, "Damn yourself, it's your hell not mine, you go
there."

She laughed at that comment and left me to me and my own.  Now my body felt
better so I went back to Chad's room.  When I passed Chloe's bedroom, she
wasn't in there.  Calling out to her, I found that she wasn't in the house
at all and she really did leave me to me and my own.

Inside Chad's bedroom, I couldn't resist but do some exploring.  Not going
through his personal stuff, not something so materialistic but I want to
explore him, explore his body.  Pulling off the covers, I was greeted with a
frontal of Chad-ness.  He was on his back with one arm on his stomach and
his other on his chest.  His boxers were on and the bulge within it wasn't
big so I guess he wasn't hard.  Softly, but quickly, I got on the bed and
cuddled close to him with me on my side, my head supported by my hand, and
my knee on his right knee.

Looking at him made me feel very special.  This was something he never had
shown anyone but I saw it two weeks ago.  He let me see a side of him that
no one ever saw and that made me feel special.  I look at his face and I see
content.  His breathing was normal.  I watched as his chest rise and fall.
Every single hair on his body is blond and it looks pretty hot on him.  Even
though he has really long hair on his legs, you can barely see it since it
was blond and so thin.  The treasure trail on his bellybutton was thin until
it reached his boxers.  I don't know, usually I don't like the hairy look,
but on him, and because the hair is thin and blond, it looks good on him.

Again, my thoughts went to Matt.  I used to do this to him, watch him in his
sleep.  He always hated it.  He thought that it was an invasion because no
one looks cute, pretty, or handsome when they're asleep, but he did.  The
way his soft snore rolled off of him, the way his muscles tensed whenever he
moved, every single thing he did made me love him even more.  What is he
doing right now?  Is he happy?  Is he sorry?  Why do I care?  It was his
fault that he didn't love me.  Or was it?  He doesn't have any control of
how he feels for me.  Damn, why does he still plague my mind?  I thought I
had gotten over him but last night was just a reminder that I didn't.  Not
yet.

Just then, Chad stirred.  His body tensed as he stretched.  He yawned and
without opening his eyes, said, "Morning."

"Morning," I replied.  I may not be over Matt yet, but I am horny.  Anyways,
sex with Chad is different between what was sex been with Matt.  It still is
making love, but with Chad it was like filling something up and with Matt it
was taking away the yearning.  I don't know if that made sense but I don't
know how to put it any other way.

Leaning in, I licked at his nipple, flicking my tongue around it until it
was fully erect.

"What are you doing?" he asked.  "You shouldn't be doing that."

"Why?  You just had your dick in my ass, so why cant your nipple be in my
mouth, or other things," I was about to rub his other nipple to harden it
but he swiftly took my wrist in his hand.

"Mark, no.  I thought we talked about this last night.  We aren't supposed
to be doing this until we talk about it."  He pulled away from me and
scooted down so we were eye to eye with each other and he was on his side,
as was I, facing me.  "Now, it's time to choose.  Do you want to be
together, together, as boyfriends?  Or do you want to be not be together at
all?"

"Wait a goddamned minute!"

He seemed surprised at the harshness of my tone of voice because his eyes
were now wide open.

"Did we or did we not do anything sexual last night?"

"No, we didn't," he said relieved that I wasn't mad.  "Nothing more than you
tweaking my nipples and making me leak.  Other than that nothing more."

"Damn, I thought we did do something."

"Your avoiding my questions.  Choose now," he commanded sounding very
irritated.

"Alright.  I choose neither."

His eye started to twitch and I knew that only happens whenever he gets
really mad.

"Um, Chad?  Your eye . . ." I started.

"I know!" he snapped.  "You can't just say neither.  Choose either/or."

"I choose or.  I choose that we have sex but we remain friends and only
friends.  You don't have to do anything that you don't want to do.  I'm the
gay one of us so I'll be the one that fucks and the one that sucks.  You
don't have to do anything but just learn how to fuck me so that I cum while
your fucking me."

He stopped breathing and just stared at me like he was burning a hole
through my eyes.

"Oh god, I think I killed him.  Chad, after you exhale you must inhale!" I
screamed as I shook him awake.

"Sorry but after what you do to me it's a natural response for when someone
says that they're okay with being your SEX BUDDY!"

"I don't know.  I'm horny right now and I want sex.  What about you?"

"Yes, I'm horny but I do keep it to myself."

"If your horny, then you'll appreciate this," I said as I pushed him on his
back.  Pulling off his boxers, I surprised him by grabbing his arms, pushing
them down to his sides, and keeping his legs down with my legs.  Usually he
would throw me off but I had shocked him so much with this that he was
totally defenseless.

Leaning in quickly and swiftly I took his dick into my mouth and sucked it
for all it was worth.  He got hard very fast and soon was leaking in my
mouth.  Chas stopped struggling and just fell into the situation.  I let go
of his hands and he started to caress my neck.  I knew I had him from that
on.

Grabbing his balls, I massaged the two little eggs.  His ballsack drooped
down about four inches down and was really loose.  Letting go of his dick, I
traveled down to his balls, sucking on in and then another.  His balls had a
slightly salty taste to it but I couldn't blame him.  Usually if he was
Matt, I would go down even further and start licking at his balls but I
don't really do that until I know that they're clean down there.

Going back to sucking his dick, I looked into his eyes.  He had his eyes
closed and his face show pure euphoria.  His mouth started to open and soon
he was starting to reach his peaking point, as I found out through the
pulling into the body of his balls.  I quickly pulled off and said, "Your
right, we shouldn't do this."

Chad opened his eyes and yelled, "You can't do that!"

"Well, if your sure that you still want me to."  I dove back down to his
dick and was rewarded with a gush of precum that seemed to have been stopped
in his dick when I pulled off.  I waited until he was at that peaking point
and again, I pulled off, "No, we shouldn't be doing this.  Your straight."

"I don't care!  Just suck me!" he ordered.

I went back down and did it once more till he was again at breaking point,
"No, this isn't right.  Your straight and I'm not.  I'm taking advantage."

"Aight!  Aight!  We'll have sex together but no strings.  We shouldn't have
any strings between the two of us.  Just please suck me off!"

Pleased with myself, I went down for the count and sucked him off.  The
first wad of cum was sent down my stomach because the head of his dick was
lodged in my throat.  Pulling off until the head of his dick was on my
tongue, I started to poke his cumslit as wad after wad of precious, sweet
Chad-cum fell on my tongue.  Looking at his face, I saw that he was content.
  Quickly taking him out of my mouth, I moved up to his mouth and deposited
it in his mouth.  I thought, for sure, that he was gonna take it but when it
spilled into his open mouth, he ended up spitting it out.  "I guess your
against the eating cum thing?"

"If you don't mind, I'll try and ease myself into it."

"You've never tried to lick it off from your hand when you jack off?"

"Actually, no.  I haven't."

"Well, here, try it out."  Using my index finger, I took a but of the
creamy, white, cold as hell, cum and put it on his lip.  At first he didn't
want to do it so I took another string of cum and put it at the entrance of
his asshole, "Unless you want me to be rough on you, you'll try it."

He laughed and that's when I dove down, took the cum on his lips on my
tongue and flicked it into his mouth.  I didn't actually stick my tongue
down his mouth but just scraped the part with the cum on the back of his top
teeth so it fell in his mouth.  "Ugh, why did you^Öhey, it's not so bad.
Kind of salty but still creamy."

"It tastes better when it's still warm, or straight of the source."

"Now, this is for threatening me!"  Chad tossed me off of his body and threw
me on my back; he was on top of me.  Usually I'd take it but I started to
fight back by trying to flip him over.  But, he had more control and my luck
was out.  I knew what he was gonna do and tried to prepare myself for it but
it was impossible, he started to tickle me.  Rolling with laugher I tried to
buck him off and nothing happened.  I raised my legs and pushed his back
with them, making him fall forward and lose his balance so he stopped
tickling me and stopped himself from falling on me with the use of his
hands.  I pushed his hands away and he feel right on top of me.  We were
face to face, chest to chest, pelvic bone to pelvic bone.

Chad's sweet face was only two inches from my face.  Smiling at him, I
gently brushed his forming beard with my hands.  His eyes were looking at me
and I noticed that they were shifting from left to right.  I wondered why
but then I found out that he was trying to look at one eye then the other.
It was sweet.

Right then I wanted to kiss him.  I wanted to connect with him.  I started
tracing all the hair on his face, including both of his eye brows, with my
thumb.

He blushed, but didn't try to get off of me.  With his face flushed, he
looked so innocent, as a child.  I sometimes forget that he isn't a child
and he can take care of himself.  I treat him like a child because when we
were younger that's what he was, a child, innocent.  I protected him from
every and all dangers that came our way.  I realized that those very dangers
helped me be the person I am but it didn't help Chad become who he is.  I
always try to remember that but I always forget it.  I do his every biding
and Matt pointed that out to me several weeks ago.  But I knew that he
wasn't taking advantage of me because he always is thankful.

I stare intently at the contours of his face.    My curiosity showed on my
face.  His unblemished face seems less childlike more man like.  Okay, Matt
was the poster boy for the perfect guy for the gay boys, he has a boyish
cute look.  But Chad, he isn't cute.  He's handsome.

Looking intensely at his eyes, I asked him, "If I hadn't tortured you, would
you still have sex with me?  Just sex, no strings?"

Chad smiled and pulled open a drawer from a nearby lampshade table.
Reaching inside he pulled out a tin box full of Altoids.  He popped one in
his mouth and then leaned in to kiss me.  It was one of the best kisses I've
ever had, tender but still tender.  Throughout all this he had his eyes open
and they stopped switching from eye to eye and just looked at me.  The touch
of his tongue sneaking it's way into my mouth sent shocks around my throat.
I could still taste the mint in his mouth and we rolled it around each
other's tongues for a while until he pulled back and got off of me.  He
stood up and walked over to the door.

"If you hadn't tortured me, I would still ask you to have sex with me."

I smiled, content with his answer, I got up, too.  "Then, why don't we have
sex right now?"

We got to his living room and he asked me, "Well, what time do you have to
be home?"

"Not until later on tonight.  My parents still think I'm asleep and right
now they're at work."

"Alight, then.  We have hours to play but I have chores to do."

"If we clean everything you need, then will you have sex with me, again?"

"Fine.  AFTER we clean, we'll play," he said.

My eyes widen and I quickly spin him around and started to push him across
the room, "Why are you taking so long?  We have chores to do."  I could
already feel the smile on his face.

First, we separated the clothing for the laudry.  He said that he'll do it
later on tonight.  Second, we spent the next 45 minutes fixing his room,
dusting this, vacuuming that.  His room was perfect except for the bed.  I
explained to him that we shouldn't fix it since we're gonna mess it up
anyway but he countered by saying, "Who said that we're gonna be doing it on
the bed?"

"God, I thought you were a virgin before I got to you?  You were never like
this when you were a virgin and now your freakier than I am."

"I do read and I do have the internet."

I got his hint.  We started fixing his bed.  I took the left side and he
took the right side of the bed.  When the places that needed tucking were
tucked and the bed was smoothed out, I asked him, "Gay or straight?"

"About what?"

"The porn you were looking at in the `net," I said.

"Both.  I thought that I might as well keep the bases loaded.  Plus, I'm
glad I did because I do need to make you happy."

"Is, that all you need to do for now?" I asked eagerly.

"Yes, that's all I have to do."

"Great!  Now, take your dick out."

"You really have a one track mind, don't you, Petteway?"

I nodded as I pulled off my shirt and jeans.  Chad was slightly slower than
I was in that department.  It wasn't that he was very delicate with his
clothes, it was just that he seemed more intimidated by me.  It was like
when we first had sex.  He was all shy and he did his best to cover his
dick.

See?  This is the innocence that I was talking about.  How could someone
this handsome have so much innocence?  But that's what I love about him.

"Chad.  What's wrong?  It's not like we hadn't had sex before.  Damn, I
mean, I just sucked you off almost an hour ago.  You don't have to be so shy
around me," I said as I pulled off my boxers.  My dick was flaccid and was
less than three inches long.  "See?  I'm not that big, your bigger than I
am."

"Yeah, when your soft.  I've seen your dick.  It's so much bigger than
mine."  He turned around and pulled down his boxers, giving me a view at his
bubble butt.

"Like I said, size doesn't matter.  You ass makes up for it.  I'd kill to
have your ass."  Then the realization of what I had just said set in.  "I
mean, I would love to have an ass like yours to be mine."  Again, I
stumbled, "I mean, damn, I don't know what the hell I meant."

With much curiosity, he asked, "I have a nice ass?"

"Chad, it's great.  Even though I like your ass, I still want to look at
you.  Now, turn around, you silly . . ." I paused because when he turned
around, he was already hard, "sausage.  You have nothing to be ashamed about
if your this big.  Your dick is thicker than mine is so don't worry.  I'm
just an inch and a half ahead of you.  There's no bad."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure.  Now, get over this nonsense that you have to be bigger."  I
reached out for his dick and started to stroke him until he started to leak
precum.  I licked off the small bead of cum from the end of his cumslit.
The effect was almost instant.  He started to moan and groan.  "Now, we said
that we weren't gonna do this on the bed but I like it better on it.  Climb
on and lay down on your front."

He did as I said and got on the bed with his head facing right.  His left
arm was under his head and his right was on his side.  This was the perfect
position I wanted him in, for now.  I got on top of him, and my dick was
nestled in his ass crack.  I preceded by licking the back of his ear, which
he loved.  With me right hand, I brought a finger up to his mouth, "I'm
going to do something.  If you don't like it, then just tell me and I'll
stop."

Chad nodded in agreement.  "Do you need anything?"

"Yeah," I replied.  "Where's the lube I gave you?"

"It's in the drawer beneath the stereo," he answered, not moving at all.

I stood up, although I didn't want to, and got the lube.  It was less than
half of what I had in it when I first gave it to him.  "How did you use this
much of it?"

"Got horny," he said nonchalantly.

I got on the bed but not on his back.  "Could you spread your legs little?"

Chad did as I said and he kept going until I told him to stop.  His little
pink rosebud gave way and I knew that it would be awhile before I could
penetrate him with anything.  I started by gently massaging the outer rim of
the sunburst pattern.  I did this all the while before I could hear Chad's
deep breath.  I, then firmly rubbed the pattern and rubbed it three or four
times when he suddenly said, "Wait!"  His body stiffened for a second or two
before he dropped down on the bed.

"Did you cum?"

"No, thank god.  I want this to last longer but that was really getting to
me," he said as he flipped over and was on his back.  "I have to wait a
while because if we do anything, I'd probably burst and it'll be over
already."

"There's bad."  I got up next to him, on his left side.

"Yeah, there's bad.  I've learned a lot from the gay sites.  Probably more
from the stories than the pictures."

"What site did you go to?" I asked, getting ready to take a mental note to
check out the very site when I go home.

"I think it was www.nifty.org, it's a pretty big place and I love the incest
section."

"You're into incest?"

"Gay incest.  Straight incest seems wrong to me.  I don't know, there's just
something about having a brother to . . ."

"Teach you everything about sex.  A brother who can protect you when your
young and be your friend when you get to that age.  Yeah, that's how I feel
about it.  Sometimes I wish I had a brother . . ."

"Instead of a sister.  I knew we always liked the same thing."

"Alright, so what's your favorite story?"

"Anything that was written my T. Foure.  His stories are awesome!
Especially the one between the brothers."

"I'll check him out later but right now I want to check you out."  I moved
back down to his bottom half and spread his legs.  Lifting them up to his
torso, I said, "Hold these."  Chad took hold of his ankles and just went
with it, letting me do all the work.  I told him to pull up until his butt
was off the bed and then I put a pillow beneath him.  It put him in the
right position for rimming.

Diving down into place, I immediately stuck my tongue in his, now clean,
hole (we took turns a shower before we started fixing his room).  It pulsed
and squeezed my tongue.  Backing off, I took the tube of lube and lubricated
my index finger.  I set it on the entrance of his asshole and said, "When it
starts to hurt, even just a bit, tell me and I'll stop."

Chad nodded, "Aight.  Does it hurt a lot?"

"Not really but it might because this is your first time, right?"

"Yeah, it is."

"I promise I'll be really careful," I said.  Once I started to push, Chad
started to tense.  There was no way I can get past his sphincter if he had
it closed tight.  "Relax."  To help, I rubbed the bottom of his stomach in
slow circles.  "Relax."  He did and with the pressure on his hole
intensifying, I slipped in half of the first knuckle in him.  Easing apart
the walls of his hole, more and more of my finger slipped in.  Soon, after a
slight more pleasure than what I had applied earlier, my whole index finger
was in.  "Howzzat feel?"

Chad's breath was labored and his fists clenched the bedspread.
"Interesting.  It feels interesting."  The tightness of his hole and the
slick, throbbing cock in front of my eyes made my mouth water, my dick leak,
and my own hole ache for a dick within it.  All I wanted to do was sit on
his cock and have him plunge into my hot hole but I can't, it's not right.
For now, all I can do is suck him and have him do what he wants to do with
me.

Searching for his sweet spot, I intently watched his face for the sign.
After a few tries and a few jabs in the wrong places, I found it.  Chad's
eyes rolled into the back of his head and he clutched the bedspread tighter.
  I smiled, knowing the pleasure that just ripped through his body.

"Does it only feel interesting?" I asked as I, again, jabbed at his
prostate.

Chad's back arched and he moaned loudly.  He couldn't talk, only whimper
from my touch.  It seems that he has a more active prostate than I do, but I
remember the first time I had my prostate rubbed.  I came on the first
touched.

"I said, `Does it only feel interesting?'" I repeated with the same process.
  All my hunting made his asshole stretch enough so I could put in another
finger.

Shaking under my touch, Chad moaned.  At first I thought that I had put too
much into him and he was in pain but when he moaned, I knew I did good.

The lube started to wear off.  Duh!  I mean, it's been an hour since we
start this.  I pulled out of him and instantly he objected, "NO!  Oh, god.
You can't leave me like this."

Rolling my eyes, I said, "I'm not you dipshit.  I need to lube you up more
so it'll feel better."  I lubed up my fingers and crawled over to his side.
>From that angle, he was able to drop his legs a little bit.  He stretched
and then exaggerated a moan to show that he needed that.  "Okay.  You don't
have to pick up your legs anymore.  Just spread your legs enough and bend
your knees so that I can slip my hand in."

Nodding, he got into place and waited for me.  I slipped both of my fingers
back into his backside causing him to moan immediately.  I planned on not
touching his dick anymore and just let him cum by every little thing I can
do without actual penile touching.

Chad's prostate seemed to look for my fingers instead of the other way
around.  He started to buck uncontrollably and started to cum.  Quickly
diving down to his nipple, I suckled it.  The orgasm was so hard that four
shots actually hit my face!  One hit my nose, grazing it and hitting Chad's
neck.  Another hit my cheek and the other two landed in my hair, shampooing
my hair in erotic liquid.  He calmed downed and then said quickly, "Pull
out!"

I pulled out with a "popping" sound and the same sound reverberated when I
backed off my mouth of his chest.  "You'll get used to it."

He mumbled a faint, "I don't know."  He settled down and stared at the
ceiling.

"Oh, come on!" I said as I got on my back.  I started to stroke my own dick,
"You can't tell me that, that wasn't fun.  The way you were moaning, I
thought you were gonna pass out."

He smiled sheepishly and then said, "A little longer and I think I would
have."

I wiped some of the cum on my cheek into his chest and the took the ones in
my hair and brought it over to my cock.  Lubing my dick with the cooling
lubricant, I closed my eyes and cooed.  The feeling started building and
building.  There was no way that I could stop myself, even if I wanted to.
I started to tense and felt another hand on my hand, helping my stroke
myself.  Surprised, I opened my eyes to find Chad jacking my off.  Then,
"UGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!  Uhhhh!  Oh, shit!"

After two weeks, literary, the first cum you have is so amazing and with
Chad helping me get there, it made it more marvelous.  Cum was everywhere.
There were in places where I never knew that I could squirt that far.  His
bed was saturated and so were my pubes.

When I caught my breath, I tried to talk, "You touched me."

"And you touched me," he said with a smile.

"But . . . I'm the gay one, remember?  You're the straight boy who doesn't
want to touch the gay boy unless it's the gay boy touching him, trying to
get him off."

"Your confusing me with Matt.  I'll touch you," he said.  Rubbing my chest,
smearing the cum, he said, "I like touching you."

I stopped his hand and made him scared with a stare.  Chad's body went cold.
  I gave him my fakest, coldest glare.  "You know," I started, "what you're
doing?"  Before he could answer my voice softened and lightened up with joy,
"Dried cum inches like hell.  Reason why I usually pop it into my mouth."

"Oh, I knew that," he said relieved.

"I don't know why you were afraid of me, just a few weeks ago and you
could've kicked my ass just for staring at you.  Do you have any Kleenex?"

"First drawer, where you got the lube.  And what do you mean that I could've
kicked your ass?"

Standing up to get the tissues, I explained, "It wasn't a while ago where
you could have, and still can, snap me in two."  Wiping up the cum, from my
hair down, I threw it into the trash can, making a loud thud.

Chad stood up suddenly and said, "Mark, you know that I would never lay a
finger on you."

"You don't get it.  I didn't mean that you would hurt me, I mean, you could
hurt me.  You're so much stronger than I am and yeah, I know that you'll
never hurt me."

"Good.  Because I never will hurt you."

Laying down on the bed with him I said, "Enough of this.  Let's talk about
you.  I know you liked what I was doing to you, question is: do you want me
to do it again?"

He seemed to be giving it some thought.  Looking at the ceiling above us, he
set his hands, fingers intertwined with each other, on his chest, twiddling
his thumbs.  I love it when he does this.  The look on his face is very
serious and very handsome.  If you ever want to see Him when he's the
cutest, it's when he's in the `serious' phase that happens almost never.

I stayed quiet for a while and just let him think, but it was now getting to
me, "You've been quiet for a while.  What's your answer?"

"We'll see when the time comes.  It did feel great, I mean really great, but
I don't know, I still feel really weird with your fingers up my butt."

"Is that all?  I don't mind, if it gets you hot."

"I know you don't mind, but for me, it's still very weird.  If you're gonna
do it, tell me, I want to be clean."

"So that's it?  Hmm, aight.  I'll tell you or you'll tell me if you want it.
  Listen, you want to go with me somewhere?"

"Where?"

"Grandfather's cove," I replied.

Chad was taken aback.  You see, this is the first time I've brought a guy
into the cove.  Jean was only inside because she has a special pass to get
through the guards and because I gave her that pass to keep for our one-year
anniversary.  By the way, I let her keep it, life long pass.

"Are you alright?  You haven't said anything in a while," I said as I
snapped him back into reality.

Shaking his head, he said, "Oh, yeah.  Sorry.  You're bringing me where?"

"Grandfather's cove.  You've met him."

"Yeah, I met him.  Cool guy.  But are you sure you want me inside the
beach?"

"Sure.  Come on, get dressed and let's get going.  I'm itching to be in the
water."  I dressed, again, in a blur and then said, "Do you mind if we stop
over at my house for a second for me to get me some new clothes?  I'm
starting to reek."

"That reminds me, I'm surprised that you don't have a hangover."

"Oh, your sister gave me some Tylenol.  Oh, by the way, she knows I'm gay."

"WHAT?!"


I hope you enjoyed this chapter of this story and I hope you'll write to me
at with_souls_intertwined@hotmail.com