Date: Sat, 20 Jul 2002 05:12:37 EDT
From: Writersrealmmm@aol.com
Subject: In Skater's Time

Writersrealmmm@aol.com

In Skater's Time

Chapter 1
Keeping Time In A New Town

	Skating was not so much an activity as it was a way of life for us.
The board or the in-lines went everywhere we went, mainly because we rode
them.  I left my board leaning next to the front door when I came into the
house, and I reached for it without even looking when I went out.  The
sound of the wheels grinding the concrete was as much a part of me as the
friends I ran with.

	My first priority after relocating was finding kids that would
accept me as is.  I'd know them when I saw them because they too would be
on wheels.  It would be a delicate balance, fitting in without standing
out.  I wasn't sure how to make new friends because I had kept the same
ones since I started elementary school.  When my father relocated with his
expanding company, I was forced to leave the only friends I had ever known.

	To me they were comfortable and easy to be around.  All I had to do
was be myself and no one asked for or expected anything else.  Now I had to
find a way to fit in with new people who didn't know me and so being me
might not be as easy as it once was.  I knew that all the kids around would
have been friends for forever and letting a new kid in wasn't really on
their minds.

	Acceptance was a tricky substance.  You needed to be original
enough to be interesting and not so original that people looked on you as
being different.  Different could be a deal killer.  I was different but it
wasn't something I was going to spread around.  All the guys I ran with
back at home were different.  It was the kind of different like one of us
played classical piano and one of us was taking ballet lessons.  Not
everyone knew these little details about their lives and those of us in the
know would never tell tales.  As long as you stayed true blue to your buds
you were okay. As long as your wheels turned together you were kewl.

	My difference was a bit more complicated.  I'd never shared it with
any of the kids back home. I was gay and for some years I had figured I
would be making a sharp right turn any time now.  I was still waiting.
From what I heard it wasn't the way you were supposed to be and I certainly
wasn't too keen on being anything but the way I was supposed to be.

The only thing was, I was well into high school and nothing was changing.
The feelings were stronger than ever, more demanding, and now, with no one
to hang with, it was on my mind all the time.  I couldn't go out without
eyeballing guys and wondering what it would be like.

	I liked girls.  They were easy to talk to; easier than guys.  The
problem was, I liked girls as friends not girlfriends.  I liked being with
guys, listening to their whacko lines of crap, watching how their lips
moved as they spoke, watched their eyes glisten and their faces change.
The best thing was listening to them talk about girls.  Most all my friends
were dating.  It was a constant battle for sex and when one of them got
some, they'd give a blow by blow detail to the rest of us.  I couldn't wait
to listen and imagine.

I didn't know how to stop feeling what I was feeling.  I hadn't told anyone
and now it seemed better not to.  I didn't figure to make too many friends
if that got out.  I'd hope to meet someone like me.  I'd been thinking that
since I turned twelve.  As much as I didn't like what I was feeling about
other boys, I'd hoped to explore it just once if I found a guy that would.

	Being alone wasn't something I did well.  I needed action and
activity to keep from driving my parents nuts.  I didn't mind skating along
if I was going somewhere.  Once I got there I needed to share.  Now I had
to go out and I had no place to go and no one to share with.

	It was summertime and school wouldn't start for two months.  I knew
I had to meet someone there.  I didn't want to wait.  I thought about
grabbing someone and just starting to talk to him; someone cute of course.
He'd be tall, handsome, and adorable, and he'd be as curious as me.

If I was going to have any friends before September I needed to start
looking.  I made up my mind one morning that I was going to grab the first
skater I saw and find out where the skaters hung.  We always hung at the
Circle K back home.  We'd meet there and tool down to the mall, the movies,
the arcade.  We were always ready to move.

He came toward me at a good clip and I flipped up my board and stood in his
way.  He braked reluctantly and stood looking down at me, long brown hair
straggling out from under the cockeyed cap.  He didn't seem to pleased to
have me in his way.  I think my board was the only thing between me and a
ass whoopin.

"Hey, dude!  I just moved here.  Where do we hang, skaters?"

His eyes were a careful blue.  He stepped off his board and turned sideways
to face me.

"Up the mall," he said.  "Over Broadway.  Hang a left.  Out back ah dare.
Man, I got to go see my girl.  Her old ladies out for an hour or I'd show
you.  I can't waste no time."

"I'm Z," I said, as he dropped his board with a clatter and started to
propel himself away.  "You live around here?"

"I'm Gordo.  I live behind Ralph's.  I'll see you," he said, doing a one
eighty and hesitating only slightly before completing his the sixty and
moving away again.

Gordo was way tall but younger.  He seemed to be all arms and legs as I
watched him moving off.  There had been something else about Gordo that got
my undivided attention, Spandex.  They were last year's shorts, or the year
before, and he was still forcing too much body into them.  This left
nothing to the imagination, not mine anyway.  The material seemed so tight
that it might split as he talked to me.  The front of his shorts spoke
plenty.  He was obviously expecting some reward for the dash to his
girlfriend's house.  It was nothing spectacular but plenty nice when you
weren't used to seeing any kind of display outside of the gym class
showers.

	"The mall," came back the answer, and a long slender finger pointed
off to the north as he skated away in the opposite direction.

	Nice try, I thought as I watched the boy skate away.  He was my age
only taller and thinner.  He was cute and I watched the way his body cut
through the air as his strong legs propelled the board.  There I go again,
I thought.

	Now to find the mall.  I was more hopeful and even smiled at the
memory of sweet Gordo's swollen ardor.  I wish I could be around when he
told his friends about his days activities.  There was hopeand I was more
determined then ever.

My first two trips to the mall yielded up no opportunities to talk to any
skaters.  I passed a few but they were on the way to somewhere else.  I
found Ralph's and skated around and around, hoping to catch sight of Gordo.
It was early Friday afternoon and I was skating to the mall the second
time.  When I skated up out back, I reached down to grab my board as I
reached the curb.  There were three other skateboards next to three boys
who were lounging there.  I sat down on the curb a respectful distance
away, looking back at them as they considered me.

"I'm Z. Just moved here," I said, not looking directly at any one of them
and then looking around the parking lot after I spoke so I didn't appear as
desperate for friendship as I was.  "Skaters sure are scarce around here,
huh?"

	"Hey," two said without saying more.  They went back to their chat,
turning on the grass so they could see me.

	The third boy took his time dropping down beside me on the vanilla
curb, leaning back to place his big hands in the cool blades of grass.  He
seemed in no hurry and I held my breath and waited.

	"Where you from?"

	"Phoenix," I said, half looking at him half not, trying to act
casual.

	"I'm John.  It's hot there, huh?"

	"Yeah, where do skaters hang, dude?" I asked cautiously but not
wasting time getting the information I needed.

	I might have asked him for the combination to the safe or for his
girlfriends phone number.  He considered the question carefully, leaning
further back onto his elbows.  He wore Spandex and my eyes couldn't help
themselves.  Who wear such garments.  You couldn't hide anything from
anyone.  I checked the other two boys and one had on Spandex and the other
had regular shorts.

	"Here at times," he said slowly, getting my eyes off the bubble
butt of the other Spandex boy.  Then I fought myself as they went back to
the front of John's shorts.  "Down there at the tube we do a lot of skating
after it cools down," he said, nodding toward the bottom of the parking lot
to what looked like an aqueduct.  "There's a couple of parks on the avenue
where they let us be.  They hassle us over at the theaters and the arcade.
No skateboards.  Bastards!"

	John had dark hair and dark eyes.  He was tall, much taller than
me, and thin, very thin.  His lower legs were covered in black fur and
above his knees was very pale until you got up to the blue Spandex shorts
and they left nothing about John a secret.  He wasn't at all aroused but
even at rest he took up more room then Gordo's excitement needed.

I felt guilty seeing where it was in his shorts.  I let my eyes rise up
casually like I hadn't been staring at it.  When my eyes got to his eyes,
they were waiting for me.  He'd been watching me look.  Guys didn't ware
such express clothes where I was from.  This would take some getting used
to if I didn't want to get my ass kicked.

I swallowed hard, my heart pounded, and my mouth had gone dry as I held my
knees and waited for a comment that didn't come.  He didn't move and we sat
there silent.

"You never seen spandex?"  He said after the silence got heavy.

"Oh, no, I mean we wear baggies where I'm from," I swallowed hard and tried
to keep my eyes to myself, but they still dipped for an instant and he
missed nothing.  I felt like a faggot for the first time in my life.  A
chill ran through me as I sensed I was blowing it.

"The older guys don't wear nothing else.  The younger guys do a mix.  This
drives the chicks wild, you know," he said, leaning back so his body
pressed even more firmly against the tight fitting cloth.  "You got a
girl?"

"I just moved here," I said, forcing my eyes up as I looked back toward his
face.  "I don't know anyone."

"Back there?" John asked, keeping his eyes on me.

"I ran with a couple of guys.  We didn't do a lot of dating.  A few girls
hung with us but it wasn't like dating.  Just all friends, you know."

"It's cool.  Everyone don't like girls but you can't like boys too much
either, dude.  I don't care but other guys might think you're curious."

"I like them fine," I corrected.  "Curious about what?"

"It's cool," he said with calming reassurance in his voice, but I was
anything but calm or reassured.  I didn't want anyone thinking I was gay
until I could scope out the territory.  That kind of thing could ruin you.

"Everyone this laid back?" I asked.

"Pretty much.  You got to be a little careful around Ace and Dart is what
I'm saying.  They call the shots hereabouts.  They're more intense 'an me.
The younger kids like them but they're about more than skates and boards."

"More as in?" I asked, curious about the words he used and how he used
them.

"How do you spell Z?" John asked, looking back over his shoulder at the
other two boys, sounding serious as he ignored my question and me.

"It's the letter.  My mom spells it Zee, but I don't," I corrected quickly.

"Z," he said, trying it out.  "I like it.  We don't got no letters around
here.  Z would be okay."

"How many skaters hang here?"

"Dozens, more.  I don't know.  I don't count heads," he said with less
patience.  He rolled onto his stomach and placing his chin in his hands as
he planted his elbows on the grass.  "The teenyboppers hang up front
mostly."

"Gordo?" I said.

"You know Gordy?" He said, looking back at me as I looked back at him.  "Up
front.  He chases the little girls."

I looked up when I heard the skate wheels on the asphalt and the other two
boys were heading toward the mall.  The older boy had on green spandex and
the younger wore semi-baggies.  I watched as they moved away from us.  The
boys butt left nothing to the imagination.

"It's early.  We hangout late most nights.  Most guys are still shacked up
or sleepin'."

"Shacked up?"

"With their honey's.  The ones what got them.  I would be with mine only
she threw me out on my butt yesterday."

"Why's that?" I asked, finding him amusing.

	"Who knows?  She says I only show up for one thing.  She says she's
getting tired of it.  Doesn't act like she's tired of it when I'm doing
her.  She didn't throw me out until I was done doing her.  I guess it's
that time of month."

	"Yeah, girls are like that," I offered, wanting to hear more abouth
his love life because it excited me.  I glanced down but he was now laying
on his best part.

	"That's the only reason why I'm out here and I'm going to go up
front and see what I can see.  Maybe I'll get lucky now that I'm going
without."

	"No chance she'll take you back?"

	"Oh yeah, but I ain't waiting for her to take me back.  I need
something today.  Some of the young girls give it out like candy."

	"It that easy here?" I asked.

	"Depends on who you are kid," he said, looking me over carefully.
"I do okay.  Guys like Ace and Dart, they're always into something.
Everyone goes off with them just to see what it's like.  They know what
they're after."

	"Everyone?" I asked, looking for information I was sure I wasn't
going to get.

	"You can't go scoping out guy's equipment, Z.  You'll end up with
more than you bargain for."

	"I've never seen guys wear stuff like that.  How can you not
notice?"


	"They're okay.  Don't get me wrong.  It's just you young guys
shouldn't get in over your head."

	"Over my head?"

	"The first time I went off I didn't know anything about it.  It
freaked me the fuck out.  I mean I couldn't wait and then it was like
strange."

	"How old were you?" I asked, sensing we were close to where I
needed to go but I wanted to be careful.

	"I don't know, fourteen.  It was a long time ago.  I was just
starting to feel my Cheerios.  All horned up all the time and dying to put
it somewhere."

	"What did you do that freaked you out?"

	"The usual.  Let's talk about girls.  I'm a lot better with girls."

	"We're not talking about girls right now, are we?  I mean I'm a
little slow on this stuff, John."

	It was a stupid question but I didn't have anything to lose and I
needed a concrete answer from him.  John had my complete attention as we
looked at each other with some nervousness rising.  He seemed to consider
the answer for some time, but not in an unfriendly way.

	"All I'm going to say is, you go off with Ace or Dart and you'll
get more an you bargain for.  That's all I'm saying.  You're old enough to
figure it out for yourself."

	"You tell me they're cool and then you say they're not.  I'm new
here."

	My innocence oozed out of me as I postioned myself for more
information.

	"I'm just saying that Ace and Dart can be a handful.  Everyone
knows what's going on.  You go off and everyone knows it."

	"I'll be careful," I said, letting my eyes wander around the
parking lot as I held my knees trying to think of something to say to keep
him going on the subject.  I was sure he was telling me that he had done
stuff with other guys and probably this Ace and Dart had done the same.

	"Don't get me wrong.  We're all after it.  That's no secret.  It's
just they get it more than anyone."

	"Why do you think that is?" I asked, still hoping for more
information than he seemed willing to give me.  He rolled onto his back and
it was back.  I didn't hide my interest.

	"They ask.  They rule.  Everyone wants to be like them.  I don't
know why."

	"Sounds simple enough," I said.

	"If you know what's going on.  That's all I'm saying.  They're
cool.  Ace is my best friend.  It's just not so easy for everyone to deal
with.  You seem pretty innocent to me."

	"It wasn't easy for you is what you're saying?"

	"I stuck to pussy for quite awhile after that, until I was sure I
was okay, you know.  Then a little here or there isn't bad."

	"You didn't think you were okay?"

	"Not when I liked it.  I knew what the outcome would be but I
didn't know I'd think about it so much after I finished."

	"You didn't think you should?"

	"I didn't know I would and then when I liked it...."

	"You seem fine to me.  You seem like a kewl guy.  I appreciate you
telling me stuff.  When you're new, it's hard 'cause you're alone all the
time.  None of what you said bothers me none.  Stuff happens."

	"You'll be okay kid.  You'll meet guys.  I'll introduce you when
I'm around, okay?  I'll make sure you meet the right guys so you won't get
into no trouble."

	"I'd like that, John.  A little trouble is okay."

	"No problem, dude.  We're all just guys.  Hey, Look, I'm going up
front.  Maybe I'll get lucky.  I hate going without.  More skaters'll be up
here later on.  I'll come back then.  See yeah."

	The spandex fit his butt just as tightly as it hugged his crotch.
His legs were thin but powerful.  He had wide shoulders but a small waist.
He propelled the board without looking back.  I liked him a lot.  I never
expect to meet anyone like him.  We actually talked about guys doing it
together.  I was delirious with joy.

	I wanted to say more to him, ask him if I could....  I thought John
would let me.  He seemed friendly enough but I didn't know him well enough.
Then, when I knew him well enough, I wouldn't want to risk losing his
friendship.  There was a thrill that came with John's confession that I
never got from talking to the boys back home.  The way he talked about his
friends had me dying to meet them.

	I had two magazines under my mattress that I'd clipped from the
7/Eleven store back home.  I used them when I needed to concentrate and
that happened at least once a days, and more often than that since I moved.
I went right home once John left me and pulled out my visual aids for
maximum effect.  I found I didn't need them once my mind was quickly
distracted by images of Gordo and John and their Spandex pants.  I replayed
the titillating conversation with both, adding imaginative images I came up
with on my own.

	While John had never spelled out exactly what he had done, my mind
ran rampant creating images that covered all the possibilities.  It was
enough to make a good boy go bad, but instead it just made things a lot
more interesting.  Not only that, there was a hope that came with it that
told me that soon I wouldn't feel so alone.  I knew that would only come
true if I was careful and didn't rush into anything.

	After going to my room that night, I wanted to write about
everything that I remembered form that day.  To write about my thoughts and
experiences would leave my inner most feelings exposed for anyone in my
house to stumble onto if they decided my behavior was odd enough to warrant
it.

I wasn't an unconventional kid.  I had never been in trouble.  I came home
on time and my parents had always known all my friends.  I did fine in
school.  In spite of all that I knew that I had reached a crossroad and I
needed to find where I belonged.  I didn't know what that meant or what I
might do to get to where I needed to go.  I just knew that when it came
time to make a stand to be true to myself, I was ready.  If that meant
going against my parents it would open up the distinct possibility that
they'd feel obliged to rifle through my computer files, looking for clues
and finding out my secret, and this was enough to make me stop before I
started.

With that in mind I knew I needed to have a way to write down what was on
my mind.  Then I needed to send those thoughts to a place where they would
be safe from my parents.  A place where I could visit my writings and see
where it was I had been and perhaps that would make it easier for me to see
where I was heading.

I would need to give this writing idea a lot of thought.




Chapter 2 Looking Out

	When all was said and done I lay wondering what it would be like
with John.  He was handsome and as good looking as any of my friends back
home.  The one big advantage was the Spandex that ignited instant interest.
I could really get to liking Spandex.  It was like another world in
California.  I'd gone from grade school to graduate school in one move.
For the first time all my waking thoughts weren't about getting back to
Phoenix.

	Then there was the fear I'd give myself away with my eyes.  John
had warned me.  He seemed cool with it.  He told me about his own
experience.  There was always the fear that my friends would find me out,
but here, I had no friends, and what better time to find out the truth.  If
things went badly I'd be able to regroup before school started.

	It was time to make my move.  I was going to ask John the next time
I saw him.  I'd explain it to him and hope he wasn't back with his
girlfriend.  I wasn't going to be a forty year old virgin like I read about
on the Internet.  No, I had to find out who I was and somehow I'd find a
way to make it work.

	I had made up my mind what I wanted to do.  I wanted to love
someone and I wanted him to love me.  I'd figure it out as I went along.  I
was tired of being alone even when I was with my friends.  I needed to plan
how I would go about getting where it was I wanted to go.  I decided to go
to the mall at two each day.  I would hang there until five when I would
need to go home for dinner and then I'd return in the evening.  I was sure
to meet other skater boys.

	When John was around he always included me like I was his friend,
and I liked that but we were never alone.  I couldn't ask him what I wanted
to ask him.  I lucked into meeting quite a few dudes over the next few
days.  While they were mostly preoccupied with one another, they did speak
to me and they didn't seem to mind my presence, but I was usually with John
that first week, and then he was back with his girl.  My chance had slipped
away.  Now I'd have to find someone else who might let me get close to him.

	Right off I liked being around the older guys because they always
talked sex.  Back home the young dudes and the old pros never came in
contact.  It was a sure way to get your skinny butt busted.  You didn't
mess on their turf and they sure as hell wouldn't be caught dead on ours.
The older boys here were way different.  We sat around listening to their
conversations of graphic sex and partying and that change suited me just
fine.

	It was best for me when the guys in spandex got into vivid detail
about their latest conquest.  I suppose all of my friends were a year or
two younger than these guys and some had to be nineteen or twenty, but we
mingled with them and it didn't seem to interrupt the flow of conversation.
In fact I got the idea this group of guys got off on exciting the younger
boys.

	I'd place myself down in a strategic spot where I could see what I
wanted to see, but I'd see it by looking around someone's shoulder or under
their arm and this way no one knew where my eyes were fixed.  I did get
caught at this a couple of times but I caught guys looking at the same
places.  I made mental notes about, who also liked the way the Spandex
revealed the older boy's secrets.

	As much fun as it was being there in the middle of all that sexy
talk there was never another conversation like I had with John.  I didn't
get the idea that any of the older boys were interested in linking up with
any of the younger boys.  Mostly they bragged while touting their sexual
abilities and left it at that.  Many times they'd skate off once they were
done talking to us and they'd be filling up the old Spandex in a way that
none of us missed.  At times one of the younger guys would comment about
its size or look.  I made a point of remembering who they were as well, but
no one left in the middle of one of the stories.

	There was a lot of joking and grab ass that often ended up with the
combatants wrestling one another.  It went along well with the story
telling.  I stayed on the perimeter but watched carefully for any sign of
excitement.  The wrestling usually stayed within our own age groups.  The
youngest boys did tend to like wrestling with the older boys, but usually
it was a quick flip and it was done, although a few times there might have
been something more to it.

	I found Gordo up front about a week after he directed me to the
mall.  He was a toothy boy that was all smiles.  He didn't remember me but
I bought him a Coke anyway, and he didn't mind that.  He was looking for
his girlfriend but she had already left and he complained about his desire
to see her.

	"How'd it go that day," I asked, as we sat down on the lawn behind
the mall.

	"That day?" He asked, crossing his legs at the ankle and sipping
from the stripped straw.

	"Your girlfriend's mother was out.  You were all worked up.  That's
when I stopped you."

	"Oh, yeah.  Caught us in the bathtub," he said, sipping.

	"Bathtub?" I asked.

	"Yeah, well, she thinks she can't get pregnant that way.  The water
and all.  She heard it somewhere?"

	"I could tell you were looking forward to it," I said, advancing my
cause.

	He looked at me for a minute.  "Always," he said, still staring as
I let my eyes drop out of his face and down to the same pair of super fit
Spandex.

	"That's what you wanted today," I said.

	"Whatever I can get.  I'm not that particular.  She's easy.  She's
young and her mother keeps a close eye on her.  Makes it better."

	"How's that?" I asked.

	"She's always in a hurry for it."

	"You're older than she is?"

	"I'm fourteen.  She's twelve.  You want to meet her?"

	"Sure," I said, not wanting to say the wrong thing.  "Would she go
with both of us?"

	"I didn't mean together.  I guess she would.  Is that what you
like?  Works for me."

	His lips worked over the straw and they were nice lips.  He wasn't
nearly as handsome as John but there was something very stimulating about
him.  He had some light hairs on his lower legs but not much at all.  His
thighs were smooth and as we talked the outline in the front of his Spandex
was expanding.

	"Works for me too," I said after a pause for consideration.

	"I'll try anything once, you know," he said thoughtfully, keeping
his eyes on me.

	"You always ready like that?" I asked when he caught my eyes on it.
"That's the way you were the first time I met you."

	"Back then I was going to get me some. I was hoping I'd catch her
up here today.  I need to do something."

	"I thought her mother's always home?" I asked.

	"We got places.  Down in the tube or over in the bushes.  She's
always wanting me.  If that's what you're after I only use my hand," he
added, giving a coy little smile as he checked himself out.

	"After?" I asked.

	"With guys I only use my hand.  I don't do that other shit.  I'm
not like that."

	"You mean you and me?" I asked a bit shocked at our progress.

	I didn't want to get too excited because I really didn't know what
we were talking about.  I had a strong suspicion we were getting delicately
close to where I wanted to go.

	"I don't do that other shit," he reminded me without me daring to
imagine what that was.  "If that's what you're asking me.  I can show you a
place."

	He was up and skating toward the tree line as quick as the offer
surfaced. He made it up as he went along and I did my best not to lose
focus.  The ground rules seemed to be changing as fast as they were
mentioned.  The answer was no that wasn't what I was after, although, the
answer was yes, now that you mentioned it, that's exactly what I want.  I
just didn't expect it to come out of the blue.

	He was three years younger but somehow I didn't believe it was his
first time in the bushes with another skater.  Something about the way he
asked and then answered his own questions told me he did a lot more "shit"
than he was willing to admit, not that it was a problem for me.

	Almost as quick as we were in the trees he revealed It was my
shorts that seemed to have the problem as we skated to a place he claimed
was safe.  The more I tried to hide the obvious the more beside myself with
excitement I became.  I tried to consider his age but our pace kept taking
my mind off the differences and once we got out of sight I had my mind on
other things.

	He wasted no time and Spandex certain does peal quick.  In fact so
quick I never saw the action just the result.  I wasn't nearly as quick to
give up anything and at first I just looked.  It's odd that outlines
through cloth can't do justice to what's outlined.  While there wasn't a
major difference, the truth made me flush a lot faster than the illusion.
My mind was a flutter with confusion and absolutely nothing had happened.

	"Come on," he said with anxious impatience.

	It was warm and wonderful and I found touching another human being
to be the high point of my life up until then.  I mean I had touched other
human beings before, but never like that.  I was hot.  I was cold.  I
shivered and tried to get my breath while my heart did a jig.

	Gordo was without emotion as far as I could tell.  He stood leaning
on my shoulder, watching my handiwork until the very end.  That's when he
giggled and threw his head back and started to laugh as he achieved
meltdown.  He was left with this incredible smile on his face and I was
left with the rest.  There was nothing I had to compare it with but I felt
very talented.

	I expected nothing from Gordo because he didn't do "shit."  But he
did and I was pleasantly surprised by how absolutely involved he became.
There was no hesitation as he went to work on me.  It was only then that I
understood he hadn't been laughing at me and the experience left me
absolutely giddy with delight, not to mention breathless.  I sensed it was
more intense for me than him but that was only a small matter.

 	It's hard to know what to say after you do that.  I mean I was full
of feelings and thoughts but what to say to him was beyond me, but he took
care of that as well.  I was learning that listening was the best thing to
do when you were with other guys and desire was in the air.

	"I don't do that much.  With you it was okay," he said
convincingly.

	"You're better than okay.  That was great," I said in truthful
tones.

	"Other guys want other shit.  I don't go for that shit."

	"That was fine.  It was really fine," I said, not able to come up
with adequate words.  "That's plenty of shit for me."

	"I don't mind with someone like you," he said softly.  "I don't
like being made."

	"Me too," I said, wondering what the hell we were talking about
now.

	"You ain't pushy about it.  I like you," he said casually, smiling
in my direction.

	"No, I wouldn't want to do anything you didn't like.  That wouldn't
be any fun."

	"I like stuff.  Not with everyone though."

	"Me too," I agreed.

	He looked at me as we walked.  It all seemed different then before
we went into the woods.  I still wasn't real clear on what we were talking
about, but he was way more relaxed and seemed comfortable being with me.
He smiled when I caught him looking at my face.  He giggled when I smiled
at him.  He looked like a little boy only way tall.

	Everyone in California was way tall but me.  Maybe it was the heat
in Arizona kept us more compacted.  All my friends were my size back there
but I was starting to feel like a midget.

	"You do it much?"  He asked, dropping his board on the parking lot.

	"No," I said. "Not much."

	"Me, I never get enough.  Maybe we'll see each other later on if
you want."

	"I hope so," I said.  "I like you too."

	I was sure glad I got that last bit out because he was gone before
I thought to give him my number or ask for his.  I was still on the verge
of ecstasy and thinking wasn't one of the things I was doing real well.
Just trying to figure out what we were talking about kept me on my toes.
Then he wasn't saying anything and I didn't know any more about him than
before we started.  Well, maybe a little more.

	He skated away from me before I could say anything else.  I would
make it a point to find him again and then maybe I could determine what
shit was.  Arizona wasn't even in the same century with California, when it
came to this stuff anyway, or maybe I just didn't know how to find it.  We
were way ahead in conversation back home because I always knew exactly what
we were talking about when I talked to my friends.

				   *****

	It was the night after I was with Gordo that I was sitting at my
computer thinking that I had to write down what was going on in my life.
Flipping through the gay sites, I found the Nifty Archives.  I knew almost
immediately that I could put my stories here and no one would be any the
wiser.  No one but me would know it was my secret and my story and that
would allow me to write it all down as it happened.  You only find out
about life one time, and I wanted to keep track of the events without
risking being found out.  I'd found the perfect solution at Nifty.

Writersrealmmm@aol.com