Date: Sat, 23 Jan 2010 09:49:00 -0500
From: Jade <phantomscorpio77@gmail.com>
Subject: Gay/High School : In This Cruel World 16

This story is a work of fiction.  Any resemblances to any person, place, or
written works are purely coincidental.  It may contain consensual sex
between young men.  Do not read if you find that objectionable or if it is
illegal for you to view this content for whatever the reason.

Copyright 2010 Jade.  All Rights Reserved.  Do not post, copy, or use this
story in any manner without my permission.

Comments / criticism / feedback?  Always love to hear from you at :
phantomscorpio77@gmail.com.

>>).:.(<<


In This Cruel World



It seems that everything with Benji is one step forward, two steps back.
But that's alright by me.  If we take enough steps back it will plop us in
a pull-out bed together on Benji's 15th birthday where he first initiated
sex on any level with me.  And every step forward from there is a big one.

Call me kooky, I'm just not convinced that a boy that was regularly willing
to make love to me so freely and passionately isn't actually in love with
me too.  I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that flaunting Keith and Miso
to Benji has made him more possessive of me.  Not only does that give me
hope that he and I have a future together, it gives me encouragement to
continue to push Benji's buttons until I find the right one that causes him
to commit to me, and only me.

I'll either achieve my goal of a life together with him or ruin everything.
He's my first thought when I wake up in the morning and my last thought
when I go to bed.  He's forever ingrained in my heart.  Slowly,
methodically, it will be one final attempt to see what's really in his
heart.

>>).:.(<<

It was a major internal struggle to sign up for house league hockey again
this year, but I know over a dozen guys that want me to play despite me
being the gay guy in the locker room.  Peter, Richard, Cameron, Ian, Kimi,
Benji and I all ask to be on the same team.  We all know it's too many to
even try, but try we do.  Seeing as it's house league they try to
accommodate, but we still get split with Peter, Ian and me on one team,
Cameron on a team with Benji and Kimi, and Richard, Jase and Adam all on
other teams.  Jase and Sasha also requested to be on the same team and
their wish was granted.

Earlier in the year I was surprised that Jase could even skate.  He
confesses that he's not good at hockey, but wants to play with us all the
same in our last year of eligibility in minor league hockey.  I'm with him
on that; no rep hockey, no all-star teams, just good old house league
hockey for fun.  Our division has 6 teams so there are three games a night,
once a week.  Now that we can both drive, Benji and I go together to games
no matter who plays first so that we can continue swapping equipment.  I
really can't tell what originally belonged to who anymore and I like it
that way.  Other than that, it's just fun to hang with our friends at the
arena.

>>).:.(<<

For Halloween this year Benji doesn't even ask me to do Dukes of Hazard.
This year I dress up as my all-time favourite comic book hero, The Crow.
Black hair this year definitely helps the image, as does the leather trench
coat I borrowed from Brennan last year.  Benji has the tips of his hair
frosted and goes out as Justin Timberlake to Katy's Brittney Spears.  Not
to be outdone, Yvonne does herself up as Steven Tyler from Aerosmith and
Miso is Neo from The Matrix.  Miso is not exactly Yvonne's date, but he is
her plus one.

This year Evan Marshall tries to hit on me at the party we end up at until
Yvonne and her friends Sara and Nadine chase him off for me.  I guess what
I told Miso a few weeks ago was wrong; some guys do try to slip their hands
down other guys pants without permission.  But that's not a gay thing; it's
more of a creepy asshole thing.

I relate this to my friend Jon in Texas, and we piece together that he
actually chats with Evan too.  Small world.  In fact Duncan was hoping to
visit with Evan and even possibly me over the upcoming Christmas holidays.
Over the next few weeks we really get going on the subject.  His mom is
dead set against it, even though he has a point that it would help in
deciding if college here is for him or not.

When Jon's friend Tim, who is living with him for the school year,
announces he is going to New Orleans for Christmas to see his family Jon
invites me to Houston instead.  She's not as opposed to that idea and my
parents cautiously approve of the idea.  Brennan's concern is almost the
deal breaker, suggesting he should chaperone me if I have to go, but he
realizes his effect on our parents and pretends to love the idea for my
benefit.  Once Tim actually has his plane tickets booked Jon and I really
push the idea and our parents all relent.

In my mind I think of Jon as a good friend and the keeper of all my
secrets, and he feels the same way.  I know we're timing things so that I
will be staying in Tim's room, but if we should find ourselves under the
same covers I'm packing some condoms and lube!  I haven't had sex since
before Scotland in the summer and Jon is a fantasy I sometimes conjure
while I take care of my own needs.

I ask Benji if he wants to come too.  It may be a way for him to see a gay
couple in a redneck state cautiously navigating their way through life
together.  Benji declines with little thought to it as he has a Christmas
hockey tournament coming up that he doesn't want to miss.  Likewise, my
team has signed up for a tournament, but I'm not going to participate.
It's not like I ever miss out on ice time.  I work at an arena and my mom's
a city manager for parks and recreation; I can play hockey for free any
time I want if the ice is available.

>>).:.(<<

One day in early December at Tim Horton's, having a hot chocolate after
water polo practice while waiting on my mom to pick me up with our only car
Keith and I get to talking about our Christmas plans.  His Aunt works for
an airline and he offers to score me a free flight.  Ever since realizing
he fondled a minor he's been trying all kinds of ways to assuage his guilt.
I tell him it's no big deal and support it with a kiss if no one's looking,
but he seems to have layers of guilt.

I don't care about age.  He's hot and he felt my private pieces.  I had on
two swim suits at the time.  I don't think that broke a law.  Now he makes
an effort not to touch me even though we are always in close contact in the
pool.  I play a forward position called `hole' and he's a defender that
`checks the hole'.  Water polo players double up one speedo over another
because things, nasty things, happen below the water's surface.  Feeling a
guy up to throw him off or squeezing his jewels are part of the game.

Hell, I've had a guy try to finger me before!  With his finger in my crack
I just told him to try lube first next time as I scored a game winning goal
over his head.  Of course he didn't ask my permission to finger me so I may
have planted a foot in his crotch to propel myself up over him to make the
shot.  (Pushing off of him should have been called, but his hand on display
in my suit negated that call.)

So anyways, I play clean against Keith, and he does the same with me, but
he still feels morally wrong for groping me with sexual intent once and
won't let himself live it down.  Later that night he calls me to share that
if I don't mind an indirect flight he can indeed hook me up.  Free flight?
Sweet yo!  How can my parent's argue that?

>>).:.(<<

Christmas day this year we host the Finnish family get-together and dinner
at my place.  Benji, Kimi and their parents, Katy, her brother Juri and
their parents.  Yvonne and her mother are in Germany yet again to visit
with her dad, who they hope will finally be able to join them here to stay
this upcoming year also, yet again.  No Brennan this year either, he takes
off early for Lina's, after we do our family gift exchange.

Benji is so keen on the sheet music he bought me for Christmas; Heart of
Gold by Neil Young, Dream Come True by Frozen Ghost, and Lost Together by
Blue Rodeo, songs Jase and I have been farting around with off and on for
the past month at school.

Spending a few minutes alone in my bedroom before dinner, Benji is not at
all happy, "Dunc, you're going to see a boy in Houston.  Have I pushed you
that far away?"

"You haven't pushed me away.  I walked away because you're not gay," I
offer up in perfectly faked sincerity.

"But he is.  And you have a crush on him.  Don't sleep with him just to rub
it in my face," he asks.

"Don't be so conceited Ben.  If I do sleep with him, it will be strictly
about me, not you.  It will be to rub his junk in my face, or my junk in
his.  Your face doesn't really factor into it," I reply.

He can't hide the hurt on his face.  Especially because I won't lie to him
about what I'll do if sex with Jon becomes a possibility.  Not that it
will, Jon's got himself a boyfriend again, and one he's head over heels for
at that.

"C'mere," I say, motioning Benji to me with my hands.  He has such defined
shoulders.  Mine are getting there, but his look and feel so wonderfully
perfect.  I put one hand on his shoulder and the other on his hip.

I kiss him on his neck, just below his ear, right where I know it drives
him crazy, "I won't lie to you.  Yeah, I'd have sex with him if it was
offered.  I will flirt with him a little.  But I can't lie to you,
nothing's going to happen because Jon went and got himself a boyfriend on
me, one he's head over heals in love with.  You know I don't get in the
middle of that.  Adam was still willing to screw around with me when he was
chasing after his Rye-guy.  I set him free.  I let you go too, to be
straight with Katy."

For the first time in forever Benji tells me, "That's fine, but I just need
you to know I love you so much Duncan."

I attack his lips with mine and he mauls me back in return.  He hooks his
hands around my waist to pull me in closer but I pull away, "We can't do
this.  It's still not fair to you or Katy or me."

Nevertheless he is clearly forlorn the rest of the afternoon and doesn't
mind letting it show.  Katy tries but fails to bring him out of his mood.
All it would take is a wink from me or a kiss blown on the air and he'd
snap out of it.  Straight are you Benji?  In love with Katy are ya?
Methinks not!

Point in case, Benji goes to the washroom and then stops in my room on the
way back to the living room.  A few minutes later curiosity leads me to
find his hoodie and the red thong he must have taken off and slipped into
my travel bag, leaving it unzipped on purpose for me to notice.  His eyes
light up when he's getting ready to leave with Kimi and their parents and I
flash the thong to him that's on my body now.

Seriously-yo! Ya want me so just fucking come get me!  I'm right here but
won't always be, so get a move on boy!

>>).:.(<<

Late that night while Benji is getting ready for his first Christmas hockey
trip without me I fly a red eye to Toronto.  Uneventful, it gets me there
early on Boxing Day where I have more than a 4 hour wait before for my next
plane.  There's a bookstore in the airport so I buy the latest John Saul
book.  Jon mentioned one called Manhattan Hunt Club when he was going to
New York so I take a chance that the one I pick up will be decent.  If not
I'll give it to Jon if he doesn't already have it.

I grab a seat in the waiting area for my plane, in the first seat closest
the windows.  I have borrowed my mom's ABBA Gold cd without her knowing
when I was packing.  I put it in my cd player once I'm situated and listen
to it through one ear bud.  About to read a Jon Saul book in a waiting area
in Toronto's International Airport, I'm listening to Dancing Queen and
doing my best to not sing along.  The music is contagious.  The voices are
angelic.  And the red head; OMG!  I mean, she is a chick after all, but in
a couple videos I've seen she's hot.

Around 20 pages into the book I spot a couple guys roughly my age walk past
me and then double back.  At a glance they are on the fence as to whether
they are fuckable.  The one definitely catches my attention.  They circle
around the area and finally take seats somewhat diagonally from me.  Around
page 35 one of them gets up from his seat.  Nothing special, but I swear it
looked like the other guy took his hand out of the first guy's back pocket.
The one standing locks eyes with me.

Dude isn't backing down so I shrug my shoulders at him and give him a wave,
like I were flagging a taxi or something.  He nods his head in return.  He
returns at page 42 with a bag of chips and a bottle of pop.  At page 43,
only because I've read it three times and am paying a lot more attention to
the guys than the book, the second guy takes the pop from the first guy and
drinks some.  Pretty harmless, but he pretends to give the bottle a blow
job before handing it back.  The first guy takes another swig and caps the
bottle.

I pretend to read, but watching these two guys is much more entertaining to
my boredom.  I decide to give them names.  The first guy looks like a Tom.
The second guy looks like a Rob.  Yeah I'm real creative with the names.
Tom points in my direction for Rob by craning his neck and motioning his
chin my way.  At page 45 I put the book down as I'm not even registering
the words anymore.  I try to find something to focus on other than the
guys.

There are a few other people around, maybe a dozen now waiting for my
plane.  I stare out the window at dawn breaking over a lightening sky.  Of
course it's dark enough outside still that the glass acts as a mirror.  Tom
and I make eye contact in the window.  I try to pretend like I'm looking
past his reflection but he waves at me.  I ignore the wave.

Moments later my eyes fall back directly on them as Rob opens the bag of
chips.  Both of them lock eyes with me this time before I can dart mine
away.  I grab the book and figure to get lost in it again, going back to
the beginning of the chapter.  I'm only a couple paragraphs in when Tom
gets back up.  I have it figured out this time; Rob slips his hand into
Tom's back pocket around the back of the chairs and used their coats to
hide it.

I try not to notice Tom stretching, which is hard because his shirt rids up
and I'm curious what his tummy looks like.  Is it flabby or ripped, hairy
or smooth, does he have a treasure trail?  I don't allow myself to look
though.  After a few words I can't hear exchange between the guys Tom walks
over my way until his blue jeans surround the outline of my book.

He clears his throat, "Hey."

Obviously seeking my attention I look up at him, "Hay's for horses doncha
know?  Hey back atcha."

By his second or third word I have him pegged as an East-coaster, "Are you
on the flight to Houston too?"

Hmm, this guy's no Einstein.  I'm sitting in the waiting area for the
flight to Houston, where does he think' I'm going, Moscow?  I nod my head,
"Yep, headed to Houston and warm weather."

"Sweet.  Um, my friend and I have been up for like, forever.  We caught the
last flight out last night and we've been here for almost 7 hours now and
we're dead tired.  Is there any chance we could maybe ask you to just keep
an eye on our stuff while we try to catch some shut-eye?"

"Uh, yeah, sure," I reply.

"Oh sweetness!  Thanks dude.  Oh, I'm Bailey by the way an he's Neville.  I
mean Eli, legally he's still Eli but his name is Neville.  In case you have
to wake us for the plane or someone asks if we're with you or something,"
He says, motioning his friend over.

Well, my guess at their names was way off.  Trying to mimic his accent I
offer, "Duncan."

They get as comfortable as is possible on the floor, leaning up against the
glass and their bags, using their coats behind them to ward off the cold of
the window.  They are maybe ten feet away from me so I can't help but
overhear bits of their hushed bickering.

"...no...in public...people around..."

"But...I can't...first..."

I'm guessing I've caught just enough to know that Eli/Neville can't go to
sleep without kissing Bailey first, and Bailey is telling him not in
public.  They are kinda cute as they go, long pauses and then a word or two
followed by another pause and then another exchange.  I put my book aside
and pull off Benji's hoodie.  It has the faintest lingering scent of him on
it that makes me smile.  I can feel their eyes on me.

Good, I need their attention for this.  I slide the sleeve of my polo shirt
up my shoulder, exposing my recent tattoo.  It doesn't click to them so I
put the index finger of my other hand under the red sun rays, sliding it
down to rest beneath the orange and so on, colour by colour, until they can
figure out the sun's rays are actually a hidden rainbow flag.

I do catch a `told you' from Neville before they look around at everyone
else and sneak a brief peck on the lips.  Opening my book again, I just
smile.  What page was I on?

When we start checking in at the gate Neville asks the male flight
attendant if we can sit together.  Reaching in he quietly says, "I'm a
Friend of Dorothy, he's a Friend of Dorothy and we'd really like our Friend
of Dorothy who we just met to sit beside us.  Will puppy-dog eyes work or
should I mention how breath-taking your smile is?"

Glancing at me, the lady flight attendant beside him smiles a knowing
smile, "Well he is the tallest in the line today, perhaps switching you all
to an exit row is wise."

On the plane the guys tell me how Bailey won the trip off a radio station
to catch a New Year's Eve concert in Houston.  We fall into an easy
conversation until I fall asleep.  Apparently we all dose off as the male
flight attendant that Neville flirted with wakes us prior to our landing.

Having cleared customs before boarding the plane I just take my time
getting to the luggage pick-up area.  When I get there the guys are sitting
back waiting on everyone else rather than barge in and force their way to
the front for a conveyer belt that isn't even moving yet.  I decide to wait
near them and again make eye contact.  Bailey uses his head to motion me
over to them.

"So you know our deal, what's yours?  Where're you going, what're you doing
here in Texas?"

I explain how I am going to meet my friend for the first time, "Visiting
with a friend.  He and his boyfriend might be coming to Vancouver for
school next year.  We've been email pen pals for a while now and just want
to meet."

"Oh, cool.  So you staying with them or a hotel or what?"

"I'm staying with my friend, he has a free bed for the week."

"Cool.  Hey, you got a number?  Maybe we could all go out for dinner or
something one night.  Pick your brain like your friend about Vancouver.
It's one of our three choices along with Toronto and Montreal.  Somewhere
big," Bailey says.

Neville chimes in, "Yeah, big city, and as far away from the Maritimes as
we can get preferably."

"Uh, yeah.  Here, put my number in your phone.  Dinner would be awesome.
Just have to see what Jon has planned first.  Call me when you guys settle
into your hotel room and give me the info, that way I can call you from
Jon's and it won't end up costing anyone a small fortune."

"Sweetness."

I wonder, "Hey, just out of curiosity, how'd you guys know?"

Neville rolls his eyes but smiles as Bailey answers, "Sense, he did.  Like
the force in young Skywalker, the gaydar is strong in this one I fear.
Never wrong, is he."

"Cool yo.  Hey, I'm going to wade into the crowd, I think I saw my bag pass
by once already.  I totally look forward to meeting up with you guys for
dinner yo!  It's totally random and off the wall, but who knows, next year
we may be sitting in the same lecture halls.  Worst case scenario we all
have a messed up story to tell of our visits to Texas.  Anyway, enjoy
Houston guys, and seriously, call me!"

"You have a blast too," Bailey says while Neville suggests, "and I just
think we will call you."

As I exit the airport I call Jon's cell phone.  Minutes later his mother
picks me up and drives me to their house.  A little awkward, but for an
hour she and I get to know each other.  Just past three in the afternoon
Jon's boyfriend comes by to save me, apparently straight from work based on
his Sports Authority uniform.  Talking with Paul is like falling in with an
old friend who you haven't seen for a while, not sure how it's going to go
at first but easy going once we start.

I can honestly say that Jon and Paul, along with Jon's mom and her
boyfriend fit all the stereotypes of southerners.  Humble, hard working,
and quite possibly generous enough to literally give you the shirt off
their back if you were in need.  I was a little worried about visiting
strangers leading up to my trip but within the first few hours I feel so at
ease.

After Paul heads home Jon and I have an awesome time walking around the
neighborhood and talking.  Jon shows me everything in his life in our
travels; his school, where he works, where his first boyfriend lived, where
his father is buried and what he jokingly calls his `brooding tree' at a
park near his house.

We are way different in style, our interests are similar, but one thing
draws me to him more than anything.  Open and honest to a fault, Jon tells
me that whenever he has something troubling him he somehow finds himself
under the very tree we stop and rest under.  I reveal that my habit is to
absently stare out a window at the world beyond and contemplate life.  Of
course there is my favourite spot at English Bay too.  If Jon actually
makes it to Vancouver I'll show him the spot.  Maybe it might capture him
too.

When we get back to his house we exchange gifts.  Ends up that we're
exchanging mid-label underwear.  He got me boxers because they're my thing,
and I got him trunk style boxer briefs and a thong.

The next morning when Jon is at work and I bore of playing Tim's
playstation I wander into Jon's room after his dog Bandit.  While I'm
petting him I focus on a guitar propped up at the head of the bed.
Something catches my eye about it.  At first I don't place what it is that
stands out to me.  It's black and has a highly polished finish.  Then it
hits me, it's a left-handed guitar!

I know I shouldn't touch the guitar let alone be in Jon's room, but that
somehow doesn't stop me from taking a guitar pick of his dresser and
aimlessly start strumming Blue Rodeo's Lost Together.  I can't get over the
tone of the guitar, it makes mine look like the mass-produced flea market
special it is.

Inspiration hits me and I try Edie (Ciao Baby) by The Cult.  Edie and
Runaway Train by Soul Asylum are two songs that my band Delta Cosmos can
play all the way through.  Jase plays the acoustic guitar parts for us, but
I've learned it as well because at school he and I strip the songs down and
play them acoustic.  I have to say this hand crafted guitar is perfect for
the songs!

Laying back on Jon's bed I'm still picking away at Runaway Train when Paul
walks in.

"You're halfway decent," He says putting Belinda in her crib.

"Uh, thanks, I think," I say as I bolt upright.

"Easy with her," Paul says a little more aggressively than he intends to.

"Right, it's a sweet guitar," I say, a little embarrassed to have just been
admonished.

"What else do you know?  Let me get Windy and we can play something,"

While I'm at work on the black guitar he calls Baroness, Paul joins me with
a light coloured acoustic guitar he calls Windy.  Inspired by the
classic-rock-station song he heard on Jon's mom's radio as he came in, Paul
teaches me the basic chords for the lead guitar of Pink Floyd's Wish You
Were Here.  Awesome!

He's awesome too, and man, I wish I could sing like him.  He has a soft
voice when he sings.  I'm to self conscious when I climb the octaves where
he just lets it fly.  So strong, so clear, and so emotional.  I love it
when a voice carries the emotion in a song and I get goose bumps from it.
Paul gives me goose bumps.  I think I'm in love with his voice.

As we play I size him up a little.  Aside from his voice he's good looking
and far from ugly, just not what I'd call cute.  Don't get me wrong, he's
definitely attractive and I see what Jon see's in him, but Jon is way cute
in my eyes where Paul doesn't do it for me.  Not that it matters, I'm not
here to play home wrecker.  Heck, although I've thought about it, I'm not
even going to snoop through Tim's personal stuff.

Now Tim, he's a stud.  Jon says he's straight as they come and doesn't give
a care in the world that Jon drools over him.  Well, it's a good thing I'm
only using his bed while he's away.  If he was here while I visit I'd hit
on him so hard and would make such an embarrassment of myself!  That's not
true either; I do have enough self control that I wouldn't creep him out.
In his absence the only thing I'll allow myself to do in his room is my
usual quiet bedtime release, and make sure that I don't mess his bed.

I stop daydreaming when Paul breaks out a sweet Gibson Les Paul and lets me
mess around with it.  What he can do with such ease just blows my mind.
We're both enjoying ourselves, playing guitar for a bit before my cell
phone rings.  Bailey and Neville forgot to call me yesterday when they
checked in, but just now remember.  Paul suggests Jon will be cool with
meeting up with them so I make plans for us for the night.

Once Jon is home the five of us get together for dinner at a restaurant Jon
used to work at.  It's near the hotel that my plane friends are staying at.
After Dinner Paul heads home to collect his daughter and get her settled
for the night at Jon's house.  The rest of us end up at the hotel
afterwards and watch a movie and gab for hours before Paul comes to pick us
up and take us back to Jon's.

The next morning I'm woken up early by Jon and Paul with huge smiles.  I'm
thinking threesome, but maybe that's my morning wood thinking for me.  We
all notice it so I shrug my shoulders and acknowledge it, "Yup, everybody
stare, I have a boner!  'Lil Dunny's pretty decent too if I do say so
myself, but you don't get to see him."

Paul shoots me the queerest look ever, "Little Dunny?  You gave it a name?"

"Yeah, I call him Dunny and he calls me Jiffy.  Apparently he calls his
favourite toy `Lil Dunny," Jon informs.

I plead, "He started it!  Now, other than my private pieces and you two,
wassup yo?"

"Road trip," Paul says.

We went to bed at three; Tim's bed is super comfortable just at the moment
and I'd like to enjoy a few more hours of sleep in it.  I sit up in the
bed, revealing my bare torso and the top of my boxers, but thereby hiding
something else, "Huh?  Where?  It's like the ass-crack of dawn, what's the
scheme?"

Jon's still all smiles.  It's kinda endearing as he reveals, "You love
hockey right?  Paul's a huge Kings fan and they're playing in Dallas today.
We figured while you were in Texas we'd get you to a game there.  Something
to remember."

I'm game but I wonder, "How far is Dallas from here?"

Jon starts to answer, "Four hours give or take.  Larry's driving.  Ma's
gonna watch Belinda for us today so we..."

"Invited Neville and Bailey last night.  After they paid for dinner it was
the least we could do," Paul cuts in.

"Yeah, Paul found dirt-cheap tickets online last night when he was bored
and called me.  That's when I took my phone into the bathroom.  Then when I
asked you to grab us another soda from the vending machine I asked the
other guys.  He asked Ma and Larry, and they're down with it.  Larry's our
sixth.  He's coming with us because he's an adult, so I guess he's your
date."

"Pfft!  Whatev!  Lemme call my parents," I say, hoping they'll let me go.

"Already done last night, Larry talked with your dad first.  By the way,
don't damage your ticket so your mom can scrapbook it for you.  Shower's
yours, Paul's going to get Bailey and Neville.  We're leaving within the
hour.  Outta bed sleapy-head," Jon says and pulls away the sheet.

Getting out of bed I kiss both guys on the cheeks, "Cool yo, let's do this
shit!"

They're taken aback by the kisses but I don't care.  In the moment I felt
like kissing them and it's not like it was on the lips.  As I walk to the
bathroom for a shower I catch an exchange between them; both agreeing more
or less that I'm alright and that they love each other.

I can't help myself, "You guys are pretty awesome yourselves.  Now should I
take a long shower or are you just going to have a quickie?  If you can
make the bed for me afterwards too I wouldn't complain!"

I swear, half of the eight hours in the van to and from the game is talk
about Vancouver.  I get pumped for all kinds of information, especially the
university.  I relate what I know based on Brennan's two years there so
far.  Not answering his phone, I jot down a flurry of questions on the back
of a grocery receipt to ask him and/or look into myself.

The game is awesome!  Bailey and Neville are both moderate hockey fans, Jon
is definitely a fan if not that knowledgeable with the sport, and Paul
actually played it for a number of years before his daughter was born.
Even Jon's mother's boyfriend Larry, a high school football coach, enjoys
it.

Losing a bet to Paul, after the Los Angeles Kings soundly beat the Dallas
Stars 4-1, Jon has to buy a Star's hat to prove he's a fan.  Not being a
hat wearer he instead buys a blank jersey that he wants to get customized
with no. 26, Russ Courtnall on it, even though Rusty has since played for
my Vancouver Canucks, the New York Rangers, and Paul's L.A. Kings before
retiring.  Wow, I guess Jon really has followed hockey for a while after
all!

The rest of the week goes by in a blur.  We meet up with Bailey and Neville
a few more times.  Paul has a friend on vacation who plays hockey, so Paul
dresses as him for a Christmas tournament.  Needing a few more fill-ins I
get conned into playing too, wearing Paul's equipment while Paul wears his
friends.  I end up either playing on a line with Paul or another with one
of his friends named Jackie.

All the while I play it `straight' as Paul isn't out to anyone.  No one
suspects I'm gay, and my voice gets made fun of because of my words and
pronunciation, not for sounding gay.  To the Texans I meet the consensus
seems to be that all Canadians sound a little gay apparently, so it's just
my way of saying certain words that I get made fun of.  I don't think I say
anything any different than them.  Tough luck for them though, I practice a
Texan accent on them all and get a good laugh out of Paul for it too!

While Bailey and Neville are at the New Year's Eve concert they won the
tickets to come here and see, I tag along with Jon, his mom, and Larry.  We
go to an outdoor celebration at City Hall where Paul is part of a band
playing Christmas music.  Paul does a violin solo during one song and I'm
floored.  Anything with strings apparently is his both his motto and
specialty.  If these boys do come to Vancouver for school I am kidnapping
Paul and forcing me to teach me how to at least play the guitar half as
good as him!

>>).:.(<<

During my time in Houston I emailed Benji a ton of times, we called each
other a few times, and chatted on MSN once.  Walking into the terminal in
Vancouver International Airport I eventually spot Benji waiting for me.  As
I go to hug him he openly kisses me a welcome home instead.

"Dunc, we need to talk," He says.

"No we don't," I answer.

He asks, "Why not?"

I roll my eyes, "Are you ready to love me back and treat me like a proper
boyfriend?"

He surprises me by answering without thinking, "Yes Duncan, I am.  I love
you.  I missed you."

I've waited my whole life to hear these words from him.  And I go and ruin
it, "What about Katy?"

His pause is all the answer I need.

"Ben, I love you with my whole heart.  I always will.  You know that.
Please don't carry me across the threshold of our honeymoon suite unless
you're willing to consummate the marriage."

He's taken aback, "What?"

"It's all or nothing, Ben.  I don't care if you can kiss me in front of
everyone here.  Me?  I'm still not ready to walk in public holding another
guys hand to be honest, and you are kissing me on the lips in public.  But
until it's just you and me forever, until you can figure out whatever mess
of lies you have going on with Katy, don't tell me you love me.  Don't
assume I'm so desperate for your love that I'll accept whatever fucked up
shit you have going on with Katy."

"You're right, I'm sorry," He says with sincerity.

"I love you too.  I love you so God-damned much!  All or nothing Ben.  See
how I feel when you're finally ready.  If you ever are.  Now drive me home.
I'm jonesing to kick your ass at some NHL 2001!"

When we get home we have some time before my parents get home from work.
We end up playing a marathon of hockey games on my playstation and talk.
Nothing more, nothing less.

"So how was Houston," he asks.

"In a word; amazing!  I seriously think all four of the guys I met there
are trying to come here for school next year.  Jon and Paul for sure;
that's how Jon and I met online in the first place.  Ben, you have to meet
them, I know you'll love them."

He's quiet.  I can probably guess with some degree of accuracy what he's
thinking.  I take a shot, "No, I'm not in love with either of them.  Jon's
cute, Paul's good looking.  They are together first of all, but I really
see Jon just as my other best friend.  Or someone that could be.  No sex,
just friendship."

I see his eyes wince at the mention of sex.

I grab his hand and look him in the eyes, "I didn't do anything with them
for the record."

"Oh, that's cool.  I never meant to say anything to you about it before you
went," he says.

"I know.  And I know you know that too.  Believe me, it more than half
feels good that you are protective of me and jealous of Jon.  He's just a
friend," I reaffirm.

"I know.  I just love it when you are all cute and trying to protect my
feelings," Benji says with a wink.

"Fine, in that case you should know, I saw Paul nekkid," I reveal.

I mean for it to be banter but his face can't quite mask his inner feelings
of hurt and anger.  He only gives me a non verbal response; a nod of his
head.

"Oh don't worry!  Sure, I saw him in the buff for like three seconds at a
time, I checked Paul out in the dressing room when we played hockey.  There
were like 20 guys in the room at the time," I say, trying to appease him.

He's somewhat relieved, "You played hockey?  You didn't mention that while
you were there."

"Cause you'd get all worked up at the thought of me in some other guy's
equipment.  Probably fly down and beat Paul up, or more likely ask me to
steal some of his shit," I laugh.  I also didn't mention Bailey and
Neville.  Seeing those two together, and getting their story gives me all
the hope in the world that Benji and I have a solid future.

Benji's hung up on the equipment.  The horn-dog asks, "You wore Paul's
stuff?  Like head to toe?"

"Nah.  I mean mostly yeah, long story there.  Jon has a new pair of skates
broken in by me, and I borrowed back something I gave him a while ago,
something he's now shared with us too.  Don't get too horny but there's
your thought for bedtime tonight!  Other than that, the most I did was kiss
them each on the cheek once 'cause they were so awesome to me."

He seems to be alright with everything so I add, "I should have autographed
those skates.  When I'm famous he can sell them for a fortune on ebay!"

Benji knows I won't lie to him.  Worry is wiped from his face and replaced
with that smile.  That smile that only I get.  Now more than ever I want
him so badly!

[to be continued]

>>).:.(<<


Dear Reader:

Once again I find myself apologizing to you for the length of time between
posts.  Distractions, distractions on top of distractions, other
distractions, yadda-yadda-yadda.  The good, the bad, the ugly; basically a
whole lot of life got in the way.  Also, I got jammed up, really, really
badly for a bit.  With only one, maybe two chapters left in this story I
know where I want to go with this one, just wasn't getting there in a way I
was happy with.

Writing is relaxing for me, so when I get jammed on one story I work on
another one until inspiration hits me.  As I wasn't happy with what I had
here, and while this chapter took too long to write I started into another
story I had playing out somewhere in the back of my mind.  Seeing as this
one's almost complete now I also wanted something new to look forward to.

In the process I ended up introducing that story here, not to promote it,
rather to add to the development of this story.  The beginning of Bailey
and Neville's story will be up today too; look for If You Could read My
Mind in this same directory.  Take a look-see if you like and let me know
what you think!

Thanks for your patience guys,

Jade.