Date: Sun, 7 Feb 2010 13:31:05 -0500
From: Jade <phantomscorpio77@gmail.com>
Subject: Gay/High School : In This Cruel World 17

This story is a work of fiction.  Any resemblances to any person, place, or
written works are purely coincidental.  It may contain consensual sex
between young men.  Do not read if you find that objectionable or if it is
illegal for you to view this content for whatever the reason.

Copyright 2010 Jade, All Rights Reserved.  Permission to post
electronically is given to www.nifty.org and its affiliated mirror sites
only.  Otherwise do not post, copy, or use this story in any manner without
my permission.

Always love to hear from you, please let me know what you think @:
phantomscorpio77@gmail.com.


>>).:.(<<


In This Cruel World



The month of January seems endless to me, and I feel like things in my life
are changing.  The novelty of being out has long ago worn off.  At home, at
school, with friends it doesn't even strike my mind as different anymore.
Life really has settled back to normal and announcing my sexual orientation
didn't change anything.  In that regard I've been truly lucky, I know that.
Getting to know Neville and Bailey through MSN chats and emails makes it
clear to me that life sure isn't as easy for some as it is for me.  But
that isn't the change in my life I'm feeling.

It's like my life is a real game of water polo, so much more is going on
beneath the surface and it's a constant battle to avoid getting pulled
under.  With only 5 months left together as `kids' it seems that all anyone
can talk about nowadays is the pressure of school and grades and where we
we're applying for university.  Everyone has a plan, an idea of who they
want to be and how to get there, or so they let on.  I on the other hand am
not prepared.  I really have no clue just what I want to be after I
graduate high school.

I'm still thinking today, tomorrow, next week.  They're all thinking this
summer, this fall, the next number of years of their lives.  It bums me out
that some of my friends, pieces of my life, are so excited to up and leave
and start the next chapter in the great adventure of their lives.  My
forward thinking is still stuck on wishing Benji would be my date for
Valentine's Day.  Day by day the clock is ticking away on that one.  How
can I think about university and career paths when the love of my life is
really starting to slip through my hands?

While I'm stressed beyond belief one Saturday morning Benji stops by.  I'm
in my boxers at my desk chatting away with Neville about his plans to
become a social worker and the courses he needs to take to get there.
After typing something back to Neville about a student housing program he
had me look into Benji wraps his right arm around me from behind and rests
his chin on my left shoulder.  I just want to melt in his embrace.

I intertwine our right hands so that his fingers are laced between mine and
take hold of his right bicep with my left hand.  Holding me tightly I
acknowledge him, "I though I smelled you!  How long have you been here?  I
didn't even hear you sneak in."

"I've been here for a few minutes.  I saw Anika down in the grocery store
when I was walking in so I helped her bring the bags up," He says, having
recently taken to calling my parents by their first names now that he's 17.

"Cool yo, we're making home-made pizzas tonight," I offer.

Benji kisses my ear, then works his tongue over it for a moment for me
before we let go of our embrace.  I don't know what we're playing at
anymore nor do I care to figure it out.  I've pushed, I've pulled.  Since
the encounter at the airport with Benji I've now accepted that the tide of
time and the pull of fate are both infinitely greater than my sheer force
of will.

Knowing he's undressing behind me I ask, "So what brings you by so early?"

"Tell Neville you have to go for now, I have something to tell you.
Nothing earth shattering, but I want you in my arms in our bed when I tell
you," He says.

"Our bed?  You've left your mark in it over the years Ben, but it's still
the cold lonely bed I sleep alone in," I say as he steps out of his jeans
and pulls me to it.

He gives me a somber nod.

"Just gimme a sec to sign off with Nev then," I say and do so while he
pulls off his socks and gets comfortable.

I close my door and get under the sheets with him.  Damn, the bed is
getting small for the two of us.  But then again, it's not like I want
there to be a void between us in it either.  He kisses the back of my neck
after we twist and turn to get comfortable.  I don't care anymore what we
are.  I'm only flesh and blood.  I need the affection he gives me.

"I was up talking with mom last night after we left Tom's place.  It was
kinda cool to hang out with just him for once, I forgot how funny he is
when he actually talks!  But that's beside the point.  I've finally decided
that I want to become a paramedic.  It keeps me in the science field more
or less, and keeps me moving.  Let's face it, a gym teacher needs to be
better at communication than I'll ever be and I don't have the patience to
ever go all the way as a doctor," he shares.

"So where are you going?  Still thinking about sticking around or are you
gonna leave me now too," I ask.

"Nope, you're stuck with me Dunc!  I'm not going anywhere.  If I can't get
into that program I'll take something else at UBC or Simon Frasier
University until I can transfer into it," He says with contentment.

I turn to face him and start making out.  Since coming back from Houston
I've given in and allowed him this.  We went a week between making out the
first time, now we do more regular than that, whenever we get a chance.
I'm thinking Katy is finally starting to clue in too.  From what he tells
me she's trying to turn up the heat a little bit, suggesting that they
start practice for their big night at the graduation when they're going to
finally have sex.

It's not even jealousy that drives me to this today.  Sorry Katy, but your
desires don't factor into mine anymore.  It's only my personal needs I'm
thinking of when I ask him, "You haven't had sex with Katy yet on me have
you?"

We seem to be on the same wavelength, "No.  Forget about her.  This is just
you and me right now."

"I know.  But I used up my last condoms by myself after Houston because I
had no real need for them," I mumble.

OMG, his smile is worth it, "You mean you want to?  You're going to let us
start having sex again?"

I squeeze the erection trapped in his sexy sports briefs and then slip my
boxers off to answer him.  Turns out he remembers a stash of condoms in my
closet I forgot about.  He's just as tender and loving as I remember.  I
shouldn't let this happen, but the passion is clear.  We both need this.
Breathing heavily, he finally collapses on me and moves only enough so we
can snuggle afterwards.  I definitely don't want to go another half a year
without being intimate with Benji.

I doze off afterwards, wrapped in pure bliss, waking to the sound of my
door being quietly closed.  This seems to have stirred Benji too.  A look
between us confirms that we both know I closed the door before hopping in
bed with him.

I can't help but laugh, "Only we could get caught like this by both sets of
parents!"

"Do you think it was your mom or dad?"

"Definitely Mom.  If the door's even partly closed over dad makes sure to
knock first and give me a moment before he enters."

"Well at least she didn't get the show my mom did."

"Oh god no!  She knows how it goes, but we don't need her seeing you make
love to her son," I scoff.

"Grab a shower before facing the music?"

"Might as well have one together.  Then I can talk her down as you run
home."

After the shower and we both dress from my closet and dresser before Benji
heads home.  I still find it endearing that he'll leave his clothes behind
for a chance to wear mine.  Seeing Benji to the door my mom acts like we're
not there, only offering a goodbye when Benji says to have a good day to my
parents.

It's a little ironic that Benji and I are the way we are.  Aside from me,
everyone in his life thinks he's too stoic and devoid of emotion.  But take
a look at my family.  My dad's not overly expressive, probably because of
my mom, and my mom could be a Vulcan from Star Trek for all the emotion she
displays.  Maybe that's why I need lots of personal affirmation from Benji
and my friends.

I don't know how to broach the subject with her as I sit on the opposite
couch with Dad who's watching curling on T.V.  I don't think Mom's all that
happy still that I'm gay, but she doesn't let it show.  At least she talks
to me about it and doesn't make me feel wrong for it.

"Sorry Mom.  It just happened.  I can't help it; I love him.  He came over
to tell me he's applying to UBC to become a paramedic and I was so happy
that he's staying.  I would have really missed him."

"Duncan, honey, I'm upset that he doesn't love you back like you love him.
I'm not thrilled that you're sleeping with him.  Still, I was your age
once, and I know what love is like.  But you're father and I always felt
the same way to each other.  Yours is an unrequited love as far as I'm
concerned.  That boy needs to understand what a gift your love is to him.
You deserve his whole heart in return," My mother says.

I inquire, "So you're not angry?"

"All the time.  Every time I washed your sheets when you two were trying to
hide it, every time I put a piece of his clothing in the wash now.  But I
trust that you can handle whatever it happens to be you two are these days.
Tell me, do you ever see him coming fully round?  Committing something more
to you than sex?"

"Yeah.  I do.  I really do.  Even before the sex, his love's always been
there.  I know it, I've always felt at least that," I say with absolute
conviction.

Effectively killing the conversation, my dad clears his throat, "Use a
rubber son, unless you two are finally settled.  And never flush them.
Just wrap them back up and fold them in a tissue."

"We do, the proof is in the garbage pail dad 'cause you'd rather risk
discovering it than me flushing it, thereby helping to ruin the ecosystem."

"Good then, good.  They don't belong in the water system although a
landfill's not much better."

Talking with mom and dad about a condom being on Benji while he's inside
me, and throwing it in the trash rather than flushing it isn't exactly my
choice conversation.  Their son takes it up the bum, they should avoid the
subject altogether, right?  Even if Dad did drop in his veiled support by
the bit about Benji and I being settled.  I nod to the t.v. and change the
subject, "Who's winning?"

>>).:.(<<

While lounging in post-coital bliss after another encounter in bed the next
week, Benji's the one that finally figures out for me what I should do for
school.  My friend Jon is applying for business, and planning on declaring
a major in either accounting or law.  Paul wants to take media studies and
either be a sportscaster or combine with his love of music and be an on-air
radio personality.  Neville's applied for psychology as he wants to be a
social worker, and his friend Bailey is thinking about criminology.  Having
no clue myself, I kick them all around but Benji points my passions out to
me.

I'm heavily into languages so he suggests I do something with linguistics.
I'm not sure there's a career waiting at the end of it, but it's such a
relief to finally have a plan just days before the February 1st university
application deadline.  It beats simply becoming a teacher like Benji and I
always planned as a fallback in lieu of larger dream.  Of course I can
still fall back on being a French or Spanish or Latin teacher or something
if I have to.

>>).:.(<<

I have a tendency to get down from time to time.  Not full on depressed,
just blue for a while.  Into February now I've snapped out of it.  A
combination of a few things I suppose, but semi-regular sex with Benji is
definitely part of it.  A week before Valentine's Day something I always
thought to be inevitable happens.

Miso calls me up on the phone all meek one afternoon, "Duncan buddy!  Uh,
how would you feel, I mean, is it alright with you...here's the thing.  I
know you know I like Yvonne."

I'm actually laying on my bed with Yvonne at the moment he calls me; we
were just discussing what a bitch one of her teachers is.  In German of
course, because it's just something she and I do, even if neither of us are
exactly masters of the language yet.  I could have fun listening to Miso
painfully try and ask me but I don't, "Stop squirming yo, spit it out
already!"

"I know you and her have this thing.  I'd really like to ask her to be my
valentine," he finally manages.

"Dude, that coo wit me!  Here, she's right here.  Ima give the phone to
her, but a word of advice; she's gonna say yes.  Don't fuck it up," I say
as Yvonne slugs me in the arm harder than a girl should be able to.

Rather than get sad or mad at her I actually feel happy that she's not only
excited about a boy but she's going to date him.  When she gets off the
phone with Miso I kid her, "For a while there Toivonen I was almost
secretly thinking you were a lesbian!"

"Bullshit," she says.  Her mastery of English colloquialisms is light years
ahead of when we first met.  Back then she would have said something like
`go play in a pile of manure'.  Now she's totally Canadian in her speech,
just slightly euro-accented.

I press my luck, "Yeah, especially the way you acted indifferent to Miso's
obvious crush on you at first."

She again stresses to me, "I know he likes me too, but he had to prove
himself."

I won't let it go, "Not that there's anything wrong with you liking girls.
I just wouldn't be able to help you out there.  I'm just super happy you
likes boys too cause it's gonna be fun to talk about guys with ya."

"Yes, but what you do with a boy and what I would do with one is
different," she says, baiting me.

I make her blush badly when I say, "How many times do I have to tell you
Toots?  When I'm not being the guy I can lay on my back just like you and
spread my legs to the sky too!  I can do both.  And you know I can give you
pointers on how to give Miso mind-blowing head.  He's lucky you have me!"

She attempts another punch at me but I dodge it as we start into a
giggle-fest.  She's the most awesome girl I'll ever know, this I'm certain
of.

>>).:.(<<

He may not have been mine for Valentines Day, but later that month at my
17th birthday party Benji again surprises me.

This year my friends drag me down to a restaurant on Davie Street,
generally known as the gay village.  Go figure, Evan Marshall just happens
to be there with some older guy, sitting in the window front of a coffee
shop.  My friends keep hitting on the server on my behalf, and when he
hears it's my birthday he gives me a happy birthday kiss.  Evan lurking
around and slipping him a twenty dollar bill in plain view in front of me
may have helped the guy to actually kiss me.  Yuck, the guy is not my type
at all.

Benji immediately comes up and plants a nice kiss on my lips in front of
everyone and makes a joke, "If his only birthday kisses are going to come
from his mother and a stranger than what are best friends for?  I at least
have known Duncan since we were in diapers and love him like a bro."

At first I don't know whether its jealousy, the risk factor, or true desire
that he can play off to our friends as a joke.  They all hoot and holler
and his smile tells me it was all desire, opportunistically timed.  He's
definitely coming around.  Based on our surroundings I pull him back and
give him a solid hug as thanks.

The next day when we're changing back into our street clothes at the gym he
pulls a plastic bag out of his back pack.  Taking a peek I spot a pleather
collar and harness get-up with metal rings.  I wink at him and we race up
to my condo.  With half an hour before one of my parents gets home we both
quickly dress in matching harnesses, collars and attached jock straps.  The
fetish clothing definitely excites us both: we make urgent love, shower,
and dress before anyone else gets home!

>>).:.(<<

Late April brings with it the relief of university acceptance letters and
Yvonne breaking things off with Miso.  All is pretty much normal in my life
until Mid May.

Benji and I are working for the city parks again this year, taking care of
sports fields.  Until school ends and we can work during the day our duties
basically consist of going from park to park with a master set of keys and
turning on and then later turning off the lights that shine onto soccer
pitches, football gridirons and baseball diamonds.  We have a number of fun
late nights under the stars after our last stops of the night, out in the
parks, in the dugouts, and even risk sex on home plate one time.

Stupid?  Yeah, more than a little.  Sometimes neither of us manage to think
with the right head.

On a warm night near the end of May we end up at a park where our friend
Cameron is on one team playing against Ian on the other team.  Maybe what I
don't like about Ian isn't him, maybe it's that I find him highly fuckable.
I don't mean to, but the guy has a smoking hot body, and I'm of the
persuasion to get hot and bothered by it.

To be honest, lately I'm cool with just Benji, me, a condom and the bed
sheets.  He however likes something a little more kink, a little fetish.
Some nights we wear baseball sliding shorts with cups under loose cargo
shorts when we do our rounds to add to our excitement later.  Tonight isn't
one of those nights.  Staring at Ian I have to constantly adjust and Benji
notices.

Past dusk it seems even darker in the areas where the lights don't hit.
Towards the far end of this park is a huge flower garden with a few
different levels to walk through and more than one trellis.  The most
secluded trellis is our mutual point of interest, and being at the far end
of the park from the game we figure it's safe enough to fool around and
start right in on each other.

Many times in the past I've wanted to finger fuck Benji to ejaculation, and
get him hooked on the feeling.  As we make out tonight like the horny
little teenagers we are, as we 69, I slide a condom on my finger!  My
intent is a little voyeurism where he can't vocally protest.  This time he
doesn't even resist at first.  We suck each other off with all the hunger
we have for each other until we hear a rustle and someone being shushed.

It would seem that as the game ended a couple of players must have thought
that each other looked too good in the cute tight uniforms and snuck into a
spot near us.  They're watching us until we notice them, and then start
making out themselves, so we know we're safe at least from them.  Benji
goes soft because of this, but the new element of being watched gets me
busting a nut almost instantly.

In turn, watching the one guy in green and black kneeling to deep throat
the guy in red and white causes a second emission from me and finally
coaxes one out of Benji.  All the while he's let me finger him.  We're both
pretty sure the guy giving head went to our school and was a year ahead of
us.  I'd never peg him for one of us but the proof ends up on his face and
in his mouth.  Satisfied, he smiles at us as we get up to walk away from
the show.

Tossing the condom in a garbage I whisper in Benji's ear that I'm ready for
a third release because of the unreal live porno we were just a part of.
We both agree that tonight is the hottest, most risque night of our lives,
and what follows it later is monumental too.

When we get back to my place my parents are home watching a rental movie
with the Laukkanen's and Mrs. Toivonen.  The absence of Benji's parents
tells us that they have gone to the cottage to open it up this weekend.
It's something that should have been done a month ago, but there never
seems to be time.  They were sitting on the fence for days as to whether or
not they were going to go and we were getting blue balls thinking we
wouldn't be able to have relaxed sex this weekend.

I grab a change of clothes and tell my parents that I'm crashing at the
Hart's after glow-in-the-dark bowling with our friends.  Our friends are
bowling tonight, but the only glow in the dark we plan on tonight would be
to use a novelty condom from a gag store, if we were actually to use the
cheap glow-in-the-dark thing.  If we ever use the things together again
after what happens a little later.

[to be continued]

>>).:.(<<


Dear Reader:

One chapter left guys; look for the conclusion on Valentines Day. :)

~Jade.