Date: Sat, 13 Feb 2010 23:02:50 -0500
From: Jade <phantomscorpio77@gmail.com>
Subject: In This Cruel World 18

This story is a work of fiction.  Any resemblances to any person, place, or
written works are purely coincidental.  It may contain consensual sex
between young men.  Do not read if you find that objectionable or if it is
illegal for you to view this content for whatever the reason.

Copyright 2010 Jade, All Rights Reserved.  Permission to post
electronically is given to www.nifty.org and its affiliated mirror sites
only.  Otherwise do not post, copy, or use this story in any manner without
my permission.

With this being the final chapter I'd really love to hear from you!  Please
let me know what you think @: phantomscorpio77@gmail.com.


>>).:.(<<


In This Cruel World



Getting to Benji's house we're happy to see that the Jeep Cherokee is in
fact gone.  Walking into the house we know right away Kimi's home because
Depeche Mode is blaring out of the stereo in his room.  Benji knocks on his
door as I head to the kitchen to sort through leftovers that are always in
the fridge.

With the stereo killed Kimi bee-lines towards me with Benji on his heels,
"Yo, forget the fridge Dunkin Donut.  Get something at the lanes, you guys
took too long.  C'mon, lets jet."

"We thought you would have gone with Peter, Richard, and Etienne," I
answer, pulling a pizza box out.  He's gone out of his way to look good for
the girl he's sweet on that undoubtedly will be there tonight, and he's
clearly anxious to see her.

"No, I was waiting on you two slow pokes," Kimi says, somehow noticing that
Benji and I must look guilty of something, "Oh.  I get it.  Fine, I'm
taking the car."

"Dad specifically said you are not to drive the car without him or Mom,"
Benji chimes in.

Kimi fires back, "And we've all told you not to toy with Duncan.  Hasn't
stopped you.  I've got my license; if the province of British Columbia is
chill with me driving than Mom and Dad can butt out.  You two get your
rocks off, I'm outta here!"

Kimi stops on a dime at my words, "He loves me Kimi.  He's said it, he's
shown it."

Looking from Benji to me and back Kimi stares down his older brother, "I
hope your right Duncan, I hope you're right.  I ain't making any excuses
for you two tonight.  If anyone asks I'm telling them you guys bitched
out."

I grab the keys to their dad's car from Benji's front pocket and toss them
to Kimi, "Don't keep Stephanie waiting any longer then."

"Well, have fun guys," Kimi says while tying up his laces.  He also mutter
at us `you two are really something'.

"You have fun too," I offer back as he salutes us and steps out the door.

All of a sudden Benji seems distant, a little cold to me, "What's up
bucko?"

"Dunc, what we have, is this going to last forever?"

"No pressure, but that's up to you."

He looks lost so I reach into him and we start kissing.  Still in a
lip-lock I gently push and steer him backwards until we are in his room.
He pulls my shirt up and tangles my head in it.  As I free myself from the
shirt he sneaks away.  It doesn't take a genius to figure he's filling up
the Jacuzzi in his parents bathroom for us.  We once used the jets of the
Jacuzzi for sexual stimulus until I took over for the jet.  He sure didn't
mind me rimming him that day.

We continue to make out while the tub fills with hot water and we undress
completely.  Tossing the clothes aside Benji seems to have something else
on his mind tonight.  He never gives up the chance to use props in our
sexual play.  Instead he takes me directly to the Jacuzzi.  He does use the
jet on his backside, flashing me something between his sweet smile and
something more devious.  I take the chance that him letting me finger him
in the park wasn't a fluke and attempt it again.

A short while later he positions himself so that he is lying over the edge
with his sweet ass right in my face.  Oh, how I love to kiss his yummy taut
ass!  Tonight he seems to really enjoy it too I guess because he pulls me
from the tub, lovingly towels us both off and lead me to his bed.  The one
rule we have seems to have changed from `no playing with his butt' to
something less concrete.

I'm filled with desire as we pick up where we left off and time just slows
right down for me.  To this point, while I have obviously never gotten to
make love to Benji before, I have some experience with Adam.  In bed I'm
rimming Benji again and screaming out inside for just one chance in my life
to get to make love to him with my dick inside him and suddenly here he
really is, inviting me to pound his very nice ass for the first time!

In a very soft, quiet voice he apprehensively asks me, "Make love to me
Dunc?  I want to feel what it's like to have you love me for once."

What to do, what to do?  I decide fuck-it, if an opportunity that I have
fantasized about for years presents itself I have to take it and screw the
consequences!

It takes a while to actually get inside Benji as he is so tense, and his
body is slightly shaking.  I don't think it takes either of us long to get
used to the mechanics of our new sexual positions together.  Benji's
shaking bothers me, I worry that he really doesn't like me in him and stop
at one point.

"I think that's enough yo, you're not enjoying this.  Switch?"

"Don't you go anywhere, this is unreal," he says holding onto me tightly.

"But you're shaking like a leaf," I point out.

"First time Dunc.  It's a whole lot more desire and pleasure now than
nerves," He says staining to kiss me.

"Um, O.K.  Yeah, sure," I say.

"Remember for your birthday when I got us the harness gear?  I also got
something for myself that's about our size to prepare for you," Benji says
with a sly grin.

I have to believe him, minutes later he looses all control and loudly
orgasms.

Coming down, he makes out with me like crazy, "Holy shit.  I never would
have believed it would be like that."

"Pretty awesome isn't it?"

"Fuck ya, we're gonna hafta take turns or something from now on."

"God I love you Benji."

"Dunc, by far you're the best thing in my life.  I'm ready.  Ready to be
yours."

At some point as we lay together before we go at it again the doorbell
rings.  Then there's a knock at his front door.  Next his home phone rings,
then each of our cell phones, one after the other.  We hear Ian calling us
from outside and ignore him.  Eventually he finally gives up and leaves.
We dress in boxers and grab some cold pizza and juice in the kitchen before
we find ourselves repeating the earlier act, this time in a different
position.  I'm as gentle as a lamb and quite confident we're both seeing
stars afterwards.  We could both use a shower, but I nestle up to him, my
head resting above his meaty shoulder and manly smelling armpit.  I swear
on my life, I've never been so happy falling asleep as I am just now with
the love of my life willingly being my teddy bear.

Kimi wakes me after he gets home from bowling.  I stare at my boxers across
the floor, prompting him to roll his eyes, scoop them up and toss them
towards my head.  We head to his room to talk.

I ask, "What's everyone saying?"

"Who the fuck cares?  When Ian came back I said you guys went to a party
with Brennan instead.  Does he really mean it Duncan?"

I nod my head, "Yeah.  Tonight was different.  We uh, well, he's given
himself to me Kimi; heart, soul, and body."

"What about Katy?"

"They're sort of on the rocks as it is.  He's pretty sure they're just
staying together for Graduation 'cause they've been high school sweethearts
for two and a half years."

"Has he ever slept with her?  Does he tell you?"

I'm sure he'd have told me, but then again I may just want to ask for
certain.  I don't let on to Kimi though, "No, she's pressured him and he's
never gone that far.  They've done stuff I know about, ahem, stuff I'm
better at, and stuff he and I can't do."

"Oh my god Duncan.  You're too cute, you're still too shy to say the
words?"

"He's your brother.  We love each other Kimi."

"So what?  Now he's waived his no butt rule for you?"

"Yeah.  And yo, between you and me, he's kicking himself that he waited so
long.  It's not just sex though; it really is love."

Kimi hugs me, "Fine.  Then I'm happy for you.  Both of you.  You're still
my brother too, no matter what.  I've wanted to kick his ass for you so
many times.  If he messes things up..."

"You'll always be my brother too, just in more ways than one."

"So what about you?  He should be taking you to Grad."

"Nah.  Yvonne and I are doing that shit together.  Even when she was dating
Miso that was never in question."

"Aight.  Well you better get back to bed so I can jerk off to some porn and
then crash."

"Have fun."

"For sure, always do!  You too, just don't slam the bed against the wall
too hard!"

Leaving his room I leave him with a final thought, "We fixed that problem
over a year ago!"

On a night that our friends all know Benji and I are at his place, home
alone with the lights on, we worry that we might have been discovered.
Still, afterwards there are no rumours or anything said that we know of.
This makes our young and naive minds think that no one really knows about
us.  Parents, Kimi, and Brendan aside, we've kept to our promise of never
saying anything about our encounters together to anyone.

>>).:.(<<

As mentioned earlier Benji and I are both accepted to the same school, the
University of British Columbia, Benji for the medical field and myself for
a history/literature program with the intention of branching off into
linguistics.  At least a number of friends will be going to the same
university; Adam, Heather, and Sara for 5 of us in total.  Jase and Yvonne
will be going to the other university here in the city, Simon Frasier
University.  Kimi's got another year of high school, and Miso will be done
with school for now.

That isn't a lot though, out of over 20 friends and even more close
acquaintances it isn't quite half of my friends.  Tom, Peter, Cameron,
Katy, Etienne, Richard, Ian, Shawna, Nadine, and Sasha are all going away
somewhere and like earlier in the year the thought makes me pretty sad.
Sure, I have some new friends coming from Houston and Charlottetown, but
I'm going to badly miss my friends I've known practically my whole life.

To that end, a quarter of Delta Cosmos is leaving us for Calgary to pursue
becoming a fire fighter in Sasha.  I've been trying to pump Jase up about
Paul.  Paul knows all of the classics he loves and is seriously a kick-ass
guitar player.  Despite my promises, he sees an ego problem like we had
with Ryan and to some extent, Zach.  I kid Jase that he's just scared at
the prospect of another gay guy in the band, knowing that it really doesn't
bother him in the least.  He shoots back he doesn't care who sleeps with
who, or what for that matter.  I guess he's is just going to have to meet
Paul and see if we're all compatible.

Something I have to keep in mind about Jase is that he's a little
disconnected from the flow at the best of times.  Of anyone I know, he
personifies marching to his own drum.  Two things I don't want to lose in
Jase are the times when just he and I kick back and pick away at our
acoustic guitars, and surprisingly, my squash partner.  Jase is like my Zen
master, he taught me how to mellow out with the guitars, and he taught me
how to work off stress with squash.

>>).:.(<<

Everything starts to come to a head at Graduation.  As expected, Benji is
going with Katy, and I'm going with Yvonne.  After tonight Benji will come
out, we'll profess our love and life will go on.  It all reminds me of an
article I read in a copy of XY magazine that Brennan bought me.  These two
boys photographed and detailed their grad night from getting ready together
through a wonderful night with friends.  I wish with my everything that
Benji was beside me right now and we were getting to go to Grad together as
a couple.  One more day; I can wait.

And yet, getting ready at my house I start to get depressed that the end is
here and soon everyone will be moving on.  The ceremony is great; Benji
gets a bursary to the University for his math and science grades.  I'm so
happy for him!  Me, I am the emcee for the ceremony because I've been the
`voice of Kitsilano High School' for the past year.

After Etienne's rosy valedictorian speech I'm given the signal to wrap
things up.  Everyone in our class is shouting for a speech from me, it's
pretty cool I have to say.

Principal Nguen nods his approval so I address the auditorium, "Kitsilano,
yo!  Uh, I don't have a speech so I'm just going to ad-lib here."

Once my brother and friends quiet down I start, "In this cruel world we are
thrust.  In this cruel world we are forced to find ourselves; who we are
and what we're about.  In this cruel world we must all learn to trust and
get along and help out our fellow man.  In this cruel world our journey is
just begun as we step out from beneath the sheltered environment of our
high school.  In this cruel world the real learning begins; the life
lessons of the real world.  In this cruel world, as frightening as it may
be it's up to us to become the person we want to be.

That's all I can come up with on the spot so I'd like to thank you all.
Whether it was as your resident nut-job on the daily announcements, as a
displaced hippie in the quad playing guitar and singing with Jase Jones, as
a member of one sports team or another, a friend, a lab partner, a
classmate or just a face in the halls, I thank you.  You've all made my
time here so memorable, and I hope in some small way I've created a memory
for you too.

Now, if you know me at all, you know just because I'm drawing blank it
doesn't mean I'm out of options.  I'd like to share with you from part of a
valedictorian speech a friend and I helped another friend write, from songs
that have meant something to us all over the years.

This friend by the way, the valedictorian?  You may have heard of him over
the national news the last few days, he just happens to have been a
homeless kid most of the last three years and no one knew until he got the
Governor General's award for highest grades in all of Prince Edward Island.

The speech that he gave, pieced together from songs is as much about him as
it was for him to give.  Such an inspiration.  If you run into me at UBC
next year I'd love to introduce him.  Now of course, for each quote I have
a different accent.  Wouldn't be me otherwise right?

`Don't damn me when I speak a piece of mind, 'cause silence isn't golden
when I'm holding it inside.'(1)

Yeah, hopefully someone knew that one...

`Don't compare your life to others.  You have no idea what their journey is
about.'(2) `Life's a journey, not a destination and I just can't tell just
what tomorrow brings.'(3) `Seek the roses along the way, but beware of the
thorns,'(4) `every rose has it's thorn.'(5)

You still with me Kitsilano?  Stay with me yo!  Here we go!

`Strange how laughter looks like crying, in the rain.  Strange how
raindrops look like tears, without the pain.'(6) `Cherish the laughter,
remember the pain.  'Cause the man I am now is not the man I was then, as
time goes by I tell you my friends'(7) `if you knew back then what you know
right now, well it might've been easier, still you made it somehow.  You
fell head over heels, you were down and out, but you came back strong, from
a whisper to a shout.'(8) `So rise again little fighter, and let the world
know the reason why, shine again little fighter, and don't let them end the
things you do.'(9) `Don't let your dreams be clouded, aim your sights high,
search your true feelings, and reach for the sky!'(10)

`Goodbye my friends, the stars wait for me, who knows where we shall meet
again, if ever?  But time keeps flowing like a river, on and on, to the
sea, to the sea, till it's gone forever, gone forever, gone
forevermore.'(11) `But I won't cry for yesterday, there's an ordinary world
somehow I have to find.  And as I try to make my way to the ordinary world
I will learn to survive.'(12)

And remember my friends; wherever you go, whatever you do, `nothing in life
is constant except change.'(13)

Aight.  You've heard it every morning for the past year...now for the very
last time evah...PEACE-YO KITSILANO, Duncan JUSSI McKerracher out!"

>>).:.(<<

It really falls apart for me at the graduation dinner itself.  I'm beyond
quiet throughout the dinner with all of our friends and it's duly noted.
Our group has three tables of 8.  I'm seated with Yvonne on my one side,
Heather and Nadine to her right, then Benji, Katy, Ian, and with Shawna
finishing off the circle beside me.  I want to be right next to Benji but
he's directly across the table.

Aside from Benji, Katy, and Yvonne at the same table my closest friends
Peter and Cameron are two tables away.  Jase is at yet another table with
his close friends.  Benji tries to cheer me up, as does almost everyone.  I
think what really gets me upset as the night gets underway is that there's
a boy in a nearby community that had the balls to challenge his school
system to let him take another boy as his date to prom.  I dreamt for 4
years that somehow Benji would be my date but alas he isn't.

Looking across the table Benji is so breathtaking in his tuxedo, he just
seems so much more vibrant than the rest of the room to me.  Then the songs
start getting to me too, first Pachelbel as we entered the dinner hall and
then the lyrics of all the moving-on themed songs after dinner.

Before you know it, half an hour into the dance I'm crying in the washroom
and then in the parking lot of the hotel where the dinner is being held.  I
guess I'm the talk of the night.  One by one, or in groups, people come by
to gawk, or talk to me.  Eventually the whole group of my friends is out
there in the parkade with me, as I try to pass off that I'm just blue over
the end of school.

It's Katy that cuts through the rhetoric and in front of everyone says to
me, "Bullshit Duncan!  I'll love you two forever, but like Etienne said in
her commencement speech, tonight we start our real lives, why don't you
start yours by just admitting that you love Ben?"

I nod my head in agreement to Katy.  I'm sure it's Benji's next closest
friend, Ian, who says, "It's about time someone said that, about time you
acknowledged it."

I hear half a dozen or more here-here's.  I hear a comment about it being
an awkward subject for four years.  Someone says `finally', someone else
says `what a relief'.

Looking up at the face nearest to me, Peter, my closest guy friend aside
from Benji tells me, "Dude, the only part of it that anyone cares about is
that you haven't told us before."

My heart drops; I'm shattered that everyone knows I've always been in love
with Benji.  I mean yeah, I've always heard jabs from other friends, but I
thought my friends really believed my deception.  What hurts me even more
is that they evidently all knew and don't give a shit one way or another.
Tears still fall as I try to look Benji in the eyes and apologize.

I search the group and can't find him.

Finally a pair of strong arms lift me from behind and turn me around,
pulling me into a familiar hug.

"I guess it's time I say this in front of everyone; Duncan Jussi
McKerracher, I love you too.  I really, really do.  I've tried so hard not
to all these years but I do.  With all of my heart, Dunc," Benji professes
and then he kisses me in front of everyone, a good long and tender kiss.

Everyone's cool with it.  I'm sure Katy feels let down, but she's the first
to hug us, putting my shaking hand in Benji's shaking hand.

"Well, we've wasted enough time over an issue everyone already knows
about," my friend Cameron announces, and ushers us all back into the
banquet hall.

Sure Benji and I get jeers, but for the most part everyone is cool with us,
from the preps to the jocks to the hard core skaters, to the punks and
metal-heads and everyone in between.  We have the evening of our dreams.
We dance together, we kiss and hug without holding back.  Over the
remainder of the night I notice that another male couple and two girl
couples are doing the same thing, only unlike Benji and I, they were been
bold enough to come to grad as couples.

Some time through the night Peter and Cameron fish my CD player in my dress
coat with my mixed CD from earlier in the day and take it to Jase.  After
scanning the disc without me knowing Jase convinces the DJ to play Major
Tom.  Strangely that classic dance song is Benji's and my good-times song.
It works.

Just before it comes on the DJ announces, "This one's been requested for
Duncan and Benji.  In the epic battle of the big heart and the thick skull
true love has prevailed."

During our song Benji says, "I would have picked When I See You Smile."

I totally agree with the Bad English song, "Me too Benji, me too.  Maybe
Jase is saving that to serenade us with it at our wedding."

We crack up when the very next song is just that.  I guess it really has
been obvious as too many of our friends try to hide smirks and smiles from
us.  After our song when a dance hit comes on I take Benji out to the
parkade with me again.  He's is slightly puzzled as I pull out my phone and
dial.  There's someone I have to tell.

He answers his cell phone, "Moi te veli!  What shaking?"

I ask, "Brennan, where are you?"

"Not sure what this park is named, it's the one over in Pigeon Park.  This
area is rough.  Dad and I still have two more to kill the lights at for
you, why?  Things not going too good?  Want me to swing by and get ya?  We
can hit a trendy restaurant in Gastown.  Maybe a movie?"

"As if!  Gimme some credit, I may be your brother but my friends forgive me
for that!  No, really, thanks.  I appreciate your concern."

"I'm driving with the phone and dad's giving me that look.  What's up?"

"We did it Bren, we finally did it!  In front of all our friends and the
whole school Benji kissed me and we're officially boyfriends!"

With the time we have left, in the company of all our friends we turn the
night into the memory we both always wanted it to be.  We stay the whole
night, alternately dancing the slow songs with girl friends and each other.
Finally, after the last notes of Vitamin C's Graduation Day dies away we
kiss another long gentle kiss and head back to the hotel with our friends.

We don't have sex this night.  Instead we stay social, drinking beer and
talking until eventually we fall asleep in each others' arms in one of the
rooms with friends around us.  When we wake in the morning nothing is
different.  Except for a few awkward smiles accompanied by nods of
affirmation from our friends, everything is just as it always has been,
only Benjamin is now my proud boyfriend!

As we sit on a city bus crowded with our friends we're holding hands and
engrossed in separate conversations.  He gently squeezes my hand and I
gently squeeze back.  We'll figure out the big questions like who's house
we live at later.  After looking back on our lives so often, dreaming of
our future, I'm going to live in the moment.  Just now this hand signal
tells me I've been asked for a kiss.  He really wants this dream too.
Interrupting our conversations we pause for a quick kiss.

In this cruel world my dream has come true!

[the end]


>>).:.(<<

Footnotes: 1 .  from `Don't Damn Me' off of 1991's Use Your Illision I, by
Guns 'N Roses 2 .  (unknown) 3 .  from `Amazing' off of 1993's Get A Grip,
by Aerosmith 4 .  from `Send Me An Angel' off of 1989's Crazy World, by
Scorpions 5 .  from `Every Rose Has It's Thorn' off of 1988's Open Up and
Say...Ahh!, By Poison 6 .  from `(Another Rainy Night) Without You' off of
1991's Empire, by Queensryche 7 .  from `Why Ain't I Bleeding?" off of
1994's Vicious Circle, by L.A. Guns 8 .  from `Nothing to Lose' off of
1993's self titled debut by Arcade 9 .  from `Little Fighter' off of 1989's
Big Game, by White Lion 10.  from liner notes off of 1988's Reach For the
Sky, by Ratt 11.  from `Time' off of 1980's The Turn of a Friendly Card, by
Alan Parson's Project 12.  from `Ordinary World' off of 1993's The Wedding
Album, by Duran Duran 13.  from liner notes off of 1992's Europe 1982-1992,
by Europe


>>).:.(<<

Dear Reader:

Thank you for reading through to the end.  I hope the pay off was worth the
ride.

I wrote this story as a rebuttal of sorts against perhaps my favourite
story on Nifty because I wasn't happy with the ending.  I know; that's
life, deal with it and all, but it inspired me all the same.  (Joey: thank
you dearly for Forever on a Tree.  If, scratch that, WHEN you get it
published I'd love to buy the first copy.)

Look for more of Benji and Dunc in one of my other stories when I get it to
part 3, In the Shadows of Our Lives.  If you want to know when I get going
on that one shoot me an email now and I'll personally notify you when I
submit the first chapter.  They will remain major characters when I get the
whole gang out to Vancouver, some time near the end of this year, maybe
sooner.  I do currently have another story on the go too if you're
interested: If You Could Read My Mind.

For now I turn the Vancouver spotlight over to the 2010 Winter Olympics
that opened there two days ago.  (Can you guess who's going to be glued to
the T.V. for the next 14 days?)

Happy Valentines Day guys,

~Jade xo


>>).:.(<<

When I See You Smile, by Bad English

Sometimes I wonder how I'd ever make it through,
through this world without having you,
I just wouldn't have a clue.
'Cause sometimes it seems like this world is closing in on me,
and there's no way of breaking free,
and then I see you reach for me.

Sometimes I want to give up,
wanna give in, I wanna quit the fight,
and then I see you baby,
and everything's alright.
Everything's alright.

(Chorus)
When I see you smile
I can face the world,
oh, you know I can do anything.
When I see you smile,
I see a ray of light,
I see it shining right through the rain.
When I see you smile,
baby when I see you smile at me.

There's nothing in this world that could ever do
what the touch of your hand can do,
it's like nothing that I ever knew.
And when the rain is falling I don't feel it
'Cause you're here with me now,
I want to answer baby, it's all I'll ever need,
It's all I'll ever need.

(Chorus)

Sometimes I want to give up,
I wanna give in, I wanna quit the fight,
then one look at you baby,
and everything's alright.
Everything's so right.

When I see you smile
I can face the world,
yeah, you know I can do anything.
When I see you smile,
I see a ray of light,
oh, I see it shining right through the rain, yeah.
When I see you smile,
baby when I see you smile,
smile at me.