Date: Wed, 22 Jul 2009 22:35:23 -0400
From: Jade <phantomscorpio77@gmail.com>
Subject: Gay/High School : In This Cruel World 7

This story is a work of fiction.  Any resemblances to any person, place, or
written works are purely coincidental.  It may contain consensual sex
between young men.  Do not read if you find that objectionable or if it is
illegal for you to view this content for whatever the reason.

Copyright 2009 Jade.  All Rights Reserved.  Do not post, copy, or use this
story in any manner without my permission.

Comments / criticism / feedback?  Always love to hear from you at :
phantomscorpio77@gmail.com.

>>).:.(<<


In This Cruel World


I hold Adam in my arms a lot of the night and wake with him spooning me.
In the morning as we get ready for school we kiss a lot and are very
touchy-feely.  While we dress there's no humility, we've seen each other
nude enough to be comfortable not covered up.  But his body is pretty good
and I can't help but look at him.  Once dressed we kiss until my mother
snaps us out of it, calling me and asking if I'm making breakfast before
school.

At school Yvonne is a little more clingy to me than usual, sitting with
Jase and I when we pick our way through Jeff Healey's cover of the Beatle's
classic `While My Guitar Gently Weaps'.  I know that John and Paul were the
big shots, but that song just shows how amazing `the quiet Beatle' George
Harrison was and is.

After school when I get home I discover my mom has already managed to wash
Adam's clothes as well as mine that were discarded on Brennan's bed and the
floor.  Seriously, where do working mothers find the time?  I put his stuff
in my bag to take over to him later, except for his lucky drawers.  Yes,
the pink and white ones I gave him.  He wore them in hopes of getting lucky
with me and they worked.  Now I am keeping them as a memento.

I don't have time to fret over my mom doing his laundry because I have a
new job starting today.  It's the first of the month and there is a meeting
at my nearby hockey arena where I will be working this winter as a skate
guard and general maintenance.  What the titles boil down to is that I will
be wearing a staff windbreaker and skating around with people at public
skating and watching for kids horse-playing and assisting where needed.  I
have to take CPR and First Aid but don't really have to know them because
if something happens my real instructions from my mom are to get an adult
employee on hand and let them deal with it.

The second part of my job is to clean up the garbage left around in the
hallways and dressing rooms, and lock and unlock them according to a posted
schedule.  Beyond that I am to do homework or sit with the other guys and
play cards while hockey games are being played.  No matter what my boss
there says, my mom is his boss's boss, or even higher up than that, so what
she tells me goes.  So right after dinner Mom takes me to the orientation
and sits in on it.

When I get home from the group orientation I have to get my skates and see
if they fit.  I grab all of my hockey gear out of our lock-up down in the
sub-basement and see what fits for this upcoming season.  Benji and I
already have try-outs this coming weekend for our house league's rep team,
and we are also trying out for the hub team that Ryan and Zach play on.  I
find that I need new elbow pads and shin pads, and my skates are too small
too.

Benji has mostly the same needs so the next day our dads take us to a
sporting goods store that only sells hockey stuff.  Like always we make
sure to buy the same brands so that we match completely.  Right down to our
skates we are the exact same size for everything this year!  The only
difference between our equipment is that I put number 12 on my labels and
he puts number 21 on his.  Number 12 is for Adam Oates.  For an old dude
he's hot, and he's the best face-off man and playmaker in the league in my
humble opinion.  Number 21 is for us, so that Benji and I are two sides of
the same coin.

Try-outs go great for both of us and we make both teams.  As autumn rolls
along hockey seems to be the most time Benji and I spend together.  At one
point he and I go three plus weeks for the first time without hooking up.
I get it; he likes to play with his girlfriend that way while Yvonne's
latest project is to teach me German.

Since she turned me on to Rammstein she's helped me learn all the lyrics
and what they mean.  Somehow I am getting pretty good at it so she's been
teaching me more, going off a self-help book we picked up at Chapters.
Life is good; my girlfriend teaches me languages and my secret boyfriend
Adam teaches me that guy on guy sex is great.

Yvonne also told me she's accepted that I like guys.  She's been teasing me
from time to time that she is gorgeous, which isn't far from the truth, but
if she has to be my fag hag, she will be the best one possible.

After our first hockey practice Benji gets all serious with me about what
he thinks we should do.  He wants to really focus on hockey this year,
telling me he wants to drop swimming and waterpolo off our school calendar
as well as drop the city `club' teams too.  I am not enthused with this
idea at all and he really ties to pressure me to follow suit, but I refuse
to cave in.

"Who died and made you king of me," I spit at him.

"Stop being such a fag Duncan.  Seriously!  Your drama is just too much
lately."

"Stop being such a fag?  Really?  Stop sucking my dick then asshole.  And
lately?  You don't even give me the time of day lately.  How the hell am I
giving you drama when we don't do anything together to give you drama
over," I say.  Inside I want to cry but either it doesn't show outwardly or
Benji is becoming immune to my emotions.

Emotional wounds rarely show in any measurable or obvious way, but they
sure hurt.  If my life were a video game character I would have just been
dealt a mortal injury and have to use a lot of healing points.  A year ago
Benji and I were the closest that any two guys could be.  Now I don't even
think I know him anymore some times.  The fallout from this argument lasts
almost another three weeks.  That's six weeks since Autumn began that Benji
and I have limited contact and no sex.

In these ensuing weeks it pushes me closer to Adam.  Now that we've broken
the seal we make use of a full twelve pack of condoms and the three free
ones it offers.  It's and an emotional high each time and becoming
addictive.

Only thing is, I can't talk to Adam about it and don't feel right dumping
it on Yvonne.  I'd tell Brennan, and I'm sure he'd be all brotherly and
supportive, but I am not ready to tell him all about it all just yet.  We
have become friends as well as brothers since he moved into his frat house
and I don't want to drop the hammer on things.  If I know him at all he'll
love me the same as always and smother me with support.  And still it will
be a game changer no matter what happens and I like what he and I have too
much to mess with it for now.  Unfortunately for the first time in my life
I don't think I can talk to Benji about things.

It's not until a month before Christmas when it all comes out.  Walking
home from band practice one Saturday with Jase, Sasha catches up with us.
I end up getting conned into a trip to McDonalds with them.  We get there,
order crap, and Sasha insists I take the inside seat at our table next to
the window.  Basically he boxes me in.

Everything's cool for a while then he throws me a proverbial sucker-punch,
"You have it bad for Ben and he doesn't have a friggen clue, huh?"

I choke and spray my orange drink.  My voice climbs four, five, twelve
octaves, "What?"

Jase just looks at me and shrugs.  I apologize, "Bloody hell guys, sorry."

"For what," Jase asks.

I don't know, for being gay maybe?  For being obvious?  For letting things
get to the point that Sasha's figured me out now too?  This isn't news to
Jase, but he's never broached the subject with me beyond the one time.  He
seems so unresponsive.  Give me a clue Jase; are you really cool with it?

They are both looking at me.  Screw this, "On second thought, no, I'm not
sorry.  Yeah, I like Benji the way I'm supposed to like girls and I'm not
at all sorry."

While staring at my tray Jase says, "Good for you, gonna finish your
fries?"

I slide my tray his way, and turn to Sasha, "Are you going to fink me out
to everyone?"

He looks up from my fries that Jase is dousing in vinegar, "No."

I ask, "Are you alright with it?"

"Yeah, whatever.  It's just too bad Ben doesn't swing your way.  You act
like a couple, too bad you can't be," he says.

Jase grabs the last bite of Sasha's burger right out of his hand and pops
it into his mouth.  He chews it up and shows us, "See-food!  Thanks Sash!"

"You are a weird kid," Sasha says with the same shocked look on his face
he's had since Jase scoffed his Big Mac.

"Says the catholic school kid who swallowed a live goldfish trying to
imitate a magic trick.  My feelings?  Crushed.  By the way, did you ever
puke the thing out or does the devil own your soul now for murdering an
innocent creature while attempting witchcraft?  Now leave Duncan alone."

As we walk home I try to tell Jase about Adam, "So yeah, I've been seeing
Adam Reid for a while now.  But I don't love him like I love Benji."

"Duncan, honestly.  I don't care unless we are going to write a song about
it.  I like music like you like guys.  You get the music, you feel it, and
that's our thing.  Crying to me about boys isn't, so drop it please.  I
don't give a fuck.  We live in the San Francisco of Canada.  You digging
guys is no biggie to me.  Big whup.  But you're smart enough to have
noticed that relationships of any kind really aren't my thing."

"Sure, thanks," I say, not knowing how to respond to that.

I'd follow up by pushing him into the snow covered pine tree a few feet
ahead if he were Benji, but Jase and I don't roll that way.  In fact, we
don't really `roll' at all so I respect Jase's wishes and drop the subject
too.  I don't get him at all.  He is so passionate about music.  That's
obvious.  But now that he mentions it he doesn't really do the friend thing
hardly at all and I've never seen him so much as say hi to a girl.  He's
just a painfully shy, introspective guy that only comes to life when you
put a guitar or paint brush in his hands.  Then?  Watch out!

We walk in silence for the remaining blocks up to our complex.  I figure to
say goodbye to him as we enter the promenade.  He should split off to the
left and enter his building from the mall.  In fact we just walked past the
streetside doors to his building; he should have taken off then.

Let me better explain our building.  The building is four condo towers
attached together at the base with a few levels of `underground parking'
that are actually above a posh ground level and second floor promenade.  So
my home being on the seventh floor is actually twelve floors up from street
level.  The promenade mostly has various medical offices in between the
lobbies to the condo towers but also offers a drug store, dry cleaning, a
grocery store and a health club.  There are a few boutique shops as well,
and this all connects from the upper level to a real mall across the street
through an enclosed walkway.  The level below the promenade has a few party
rooms, a laundry and other stuff accessible only to the condo residents.
Below that are a couple floors of basement and then there are two more
floors of sub-basement where residents can buy storage lock-ups.

I turn to say goodbye to him again as I dart into the grocery store and buy
a Kit Kat.  He just tags along.  We still haven't spoken another word.
Back in the mall he just stops once we are clear of the doorway to the
store.  I turn to look at him and wave goodbye, "Take it easy man."

He looks at me as if not comprehending for a second, "Oh, yeah.  Um, hey.
Don't worry about things.  Unless you never told me I wouldn't have put you
and that Adam kid together.  And Sash is like an artist too, so he sees
shit that others don't.  That's like his gift man.  So it's not like Ryan
and Zach are in on the big secret.  Bad example, their skulls are too thick
to realize there is a living world beyond their pathetically small corners
of it.  So, like, just whatever, you know man.  See ya on Monday, same
place, same time.  I'm thinking Simon and Garfunkel.  Lately I've been
feeling `The Sound of Silence'."

I go to bed listening to Rammstein.  Since Yvonne turned me on to their
CD's they are the basis for two things; my growing love for industrial
music, and her teaching me German to the point that I've discovered I want
to be a Linguist when I grow up.  Despite what Brennan says I can speak
great Finnish.  I love the different languages and can thank Yvonne for the
discovery.  Ah Yvonne, I need to talk to her and really tell her what is
going on in my life lately.

I have Yvonne meet me after my shift at the arena on Sunday.  She comes to
open skate just to keep me from boredom and I love her for it.  Thing is, I
don't get bored.  I can check out guys, I get control over the music, and I
have yet to have to do much more than act all tough and mean to a few
little brats that get dumped off by their parents and always try to play
tag.  And a couple of the guys and most of the girls I work with are all
pretty cool, so we have a good time at work.

After my shift Yvonne and I go up to the stands and watch some random house
league game.  We are far enough away from the parents and families that I
don't even bother whispering.  I tell her all the details.  Adam and me,
how I love the sex.  Benji and me, how I want him to love me back so badly.
Jase and Sasha and the band.  I tell her how I miss Cameron, Peter, and
Etienne a lot lately as I have seemed to cut them out of my life along with
Benji too.

I relate that Adam is my big concern.  Somewhere into our first box of
condoms sex changed with Adam.  Part way through intercourse now we forget
about the hips and focus on the eyes.  In the midst of the act we stop and
can get lost in each other's eyes as we try to stretch out the sex.  I
really get into kissing and licking Adam's neck when I bone him and he in
turn has started tongue wresting with me while he drives his penis home
into me.  Our sex is becoming an act of love rather than a teenage act of
getting off.  Here is where I put the brakes on.  This is not supposed to
be an act of love because I don't love Adam.  He doesn't love me.

Yvonne gives me the most sage advice I have had in ages.  She tells me to
wean Adam off and make more time for her.  Together we'll start hanging out
with our friends more and I will feel a better balance.  She also tells me
to stop devoting all my free time at school to Jase.  She knows for a fact
that it is making Benji jealous and that is what's driving the wedge
between us.  And then she blows my mind.

Catching me off guard she starts to make out with me.  Like really make out
to the point that people are staring at us!  I shed my staff jacket and
fold it up so that the parents can't complain to anyone at the arena about
my actions.  I lead her underside to get my coat and skates and we continue
the making out there before I take her by the hand and start walking her
home.  Maybe she's not real, like maybe she's my Guardian Angel here to
tell me to shut the fuck up and just keep living my life like I would if I
liked girls.  Too bad she's a girl; closing in on sixteen years on this
wondrous planet I firmly believe she is my soul-mate.

[to be continued]