Date: Tue, 06 Aug 2002 10:48:36 -0700
From: e@iomfats.org
Subject: Into the Lion's Den Chapter 3
Into the Lion's Den
A story by e
c 2002 SunShine DayDreamers UnLimited
DISCLAIMER: This story contains graphic descriptions
of violence. It also contains descriptions of sexual
encounters between minors that are homosexual in nature. If
offended by such things or if you are not of legal age in
the country where you live, then read no further. The
characters and events depicted in this story are completely
fictional and any resemblance to any real persons, places,
or events is purely coincidental. This story may not be
reproduced in whole or in part without the expressed written
consent of the author. Comments or questions regarding this
story may be addressed to e and sent via email to
e@iomfats.org.
*********
Chapter 3
"Mike, are you really a fag?"
A hollow silence that seemed to last forever followed
those words. But it didn't last forever, probably not even
a full second. My eyes widened and my mouth dropped open.
My mother dropped a full bowl of mashed potatoes. It
crashed into her plate with a deafening thud, splattering
food everywhere, shattering the bowl, and knocking over her
glass of ice tea. Everyone jumped in fright from the sound.
It seemed the whole world was going in slow motion.
"SHIT!" It was my mom's voice.
It scared the living hell out of me. She NEVER cursed.
My dad jumped out of his chair, trying to avoid the
splattering of food headed his way. The chair fell over
backwards and crashed to the floor.
David's eyes were wide as he backed away from the
table, still in his chair. Both John and my little sister,
Cathy, looked as though they were about to burst into tears,
having been scared out of their wits.
My mother turned to David, "I don't want to hear that
kind of language at the table." She didn't give him time to
answer, "What in the devil's name prompted you to ask such
a question?" Her voice was a mixture of anger and
curiosity.
David looked too scared to speak, but did manage to
utter a few words, "That's what some boys at school said
about him. They said he likes to do sex things with boys."
"Well that explains why Rodney Johnson came into the
shop today warning me to keep Mike away from his son." My
dad had finally spoken.
Suddenly all eyes were on me. I felt them burning into
me. Searing my flesh. I wanted to speak. I wanted to deny
it. I could say nothing.
"Well, are you some sort of fruitcake?" His voice was
cold, harsh.
I knew he wanted an answer. I just didn't have one. I
just sat there, frozen. I must have been white as a ghost.
"GOD DAMMIT! You are a little fairy, aren't you?"
I could feel myself shaking, but I still couldn't make
myself speak.
"Answer me when I talk to you!" WHACK!
I had seen his hand headed in my direction but I
couldn't move. It connected with my left cheek and sent me
reeling backwards, knocking me out of my chair. I fell to
the floor and against the wall. My face was a raging fire
from the pain. The tears rolling down my face felt like
razor blades slicing my flesh. He stepped around the table,
towering over me. I could see the hatred, the disgust, the
disappointment in his eyes.
I couldn't remember the last time he'd hit me because
there had never been a first time. I couldn't remember the
last time he'd said he loved me, but there had been a last
time. In that instant, I knew there would never be another.
Somehow my mother had stopped him from beating me
senseless. Or maybe he had stopped himself. I'm not really
sure which. Things got rather blurry after he hit me. I'd
been given thirty minutes to pack and get out of the house
before I "contaminated" my younger brothers. I wasn't even
allowed to say goodbye. As I left the house, all I could
hear was my mother imploring me to "get down on your knees
and beg Jesus for forgiveness before your mortal soul is
damned to hell for all eternity." She was going to pray for
me.
I had managed to stuff my duffel bag with clothing and
grab my sleeping bag, a camp light, and a book bag
containing my journals and a couple of books. They were the
only possessions that really meant anything to me. Books, I
bring books. I've got no food, no water, I don't even know
where I'm going to be sleeping, but I've got to bring books.
How fucking stupid am I?
I knew I wasn't going to make it far. The pain in my
ribs was too great and the stuff I was carrying was too
heavy. There was an old tree house in the woods. It was
less than a quarter mile away. I figured I could spend the
night there.
I climbed up an entered the tree house, tossed my
duffel bag into the corner, unrolled my sleeping bag, and
pulled out a notebook. With tears streaming down my face
and pain ripping through my body, I did the one thing that
always made me feel better. I wrote.
Dad, whatever I've done,
And Dad, whatever I'll do,
I pray you're aware
Of the love I have for you.
I've disappointed,
I've brought you shame,
I've utterly failed,
And I'm to blame.
But you've carved me up,
And you've cast me out,
And now your love
I live without
And it is difficult
To chose to continue living.
For no father can ever know
How much his love can mean
To a son who hurts inside
And longs for his father's pride.
For no father can ever know
How much his love can mean
To a son with nothing more
Than his father's love to wish for.
Father, love your son,
No matter what I've done.
Father, love your son,
Whatever I become.
Father, love your son,
Don't tell me to move on.
And Father, love your son,
Most especially if I say,
"I really couldn't help it, Dad,
I just turned out this way.
But Dad, I pray that you'll still love me
Even if I'm gay."
But tonight, writing wasn't going to make me feel any
better. The tears just weren't going to stop.
*******
"Damn birds." I opened my eyes and looked at my watch.
It was barely after 6am. It was too early to wake up, but I
knew I wasn't going to get back to sleep. I never could
sleep in when camping out. Camping out. Yeah. That's what
I was doing. Don't I wish.
I felt a rumbling in my stomach. I hadn't eaten since
lunch yesterday. No chance to even start on dinner. I
wasn't even able to grab something to take with me last
night. My mouth felt like it's grown hair. I was thirsty
and had a foul taste in my mouth. I'd forgotten my
toothbrush.
Tears began rolling down my face. I had no place to
go. No place to be. I had a sunken, heavy feeling inside.
Why did it have to be like this? I picked up my notebook
and a pen, but after half an hour, the page was still blank,
wet, but blank. I don't think I'd ever been too depressed
to write.
I felt dirty, sticky. I needed a bath. I needed to
brush my teeth. I needed to put on some clean clothes. I
looked over at my bag. I realized that I had forgotten to
bring any kind of toiletry item. No toothbrush, toothpaste,
deodorant, razor, nothing. A lot of good clean clothes
would do me.
The river. I could go to the river. We used to skinny
dip down there. No one would be there this early. I could
get undressed and splash around for a while. That might
help me feel a little cleaner. I grabbed my duffel bag and
left everything else behind. I walked quickly. I really
needed this.
It wasn't far, maybe another quarter mile through the
woods. I was there before I realized it. I hopped down
over the bank and onto a small piece of exposed dirt. In
the spring this would be underwater, but after the summer
the water level had dropped enough to leave it exposed. I
began to undress. It had been a while since the last time
I'd been naked outdoors. I'd forgotten how good the sun and
the air felt on my skin. I began to get hard.
I waded into the water. It wasn't very deep. Maybe
three feet. It wasn't very wide either. Twenty feet or so
from bank to bank. And the current was fairly slow. I
noticed a couple of muskrat runs and thought back to the
trapping my friend Kevin and I had done a couple years ago.
Kevin. He was supposed to be my best friend. I'd
known him all my life. He lived up the street three house
from us. We'd been pretty much inseparable since he moved
in just before the start of first grade. But that seemed to
be over now. He and the rest of our gang had turned and
walked away when they saw me walking through the parking lot
with Chris a few days ago. I'd tried to say hello, but
there was no response. Not from Kevin, Jim, Scott. Not
even from Frank, and Frank wasn't too particular about his
friends. They just turned their backs and walked away.
The water was cool, but not cold. Just enough that I
could feel my skin tighten as I dunked myself underneath.
The warmth of the sun felt even better as I rose back above
the surface. I splashed around a while and rubbed the cool
water over my body, my arms, my legs, and my face, scrubbing
myself lightly and rinsing away the dirt.
As I stepped out of the water, I realized I didn't have
a towel. I'd have to drip dry. I climbed the bank and sat
on a large rock in the sun. Its warmth and the cool air
kept my skin taut and I could feel a slight tickling
sensation as the fine hairs on my arms and legs began to dry
and move with the breeze.
Again I began to get hard. I'm not certain how long I
had been stroking myself before I realized what I was doing.
"Oh my God!" It was a girl's voice and was followed by
giggles.
"Oh Shit!" I quickly spun around. It was Lisa and
Sue. Two neighbor girls from down the street. Both were
two years younger than me. I grabbed my crotch and crouched
quickly behind the rock. The girls were between me and my
clothes. They just stood there, pointing and laughing.
"You were playing with it, weren't you?"
"It's none of your business what I was doing. Now go
away." I growled at them. I was hoping I could frighten
them into leaving. But they didn't leave. They just
continued giggling. How the hell was I going to get out of
this? God this was embarrassing.
I glanced quickly at my clothes. I thought about
running to them, trying to get dressed before they got too
good a look. I was too late.
"Quick, Sue. Grab his clothes." Lisa pointed at
them.
Sue and I moved simultaneously. I darted from behind
the rock, one hand reaching for my clothes, the other still
trying to cover my now shrunken boyhood. But Sue was a lot
closer and got there first scooping up the ones I had been
wearing and my duffel bag in one motion, then moving several
feet away from where they had been. There was enough
distance between us that if I started after her, she could
turn and run before I could get there. The girls had shoes
on. I didn't. That meant they could easily outrun me.
This was not good. I was now standing out in the open,
naked, in front of a pair of giggling eighth grade girls.
Shit!. What the hell was I going to do?
"Nice ass." They were giggling again. I just stood
there, crouched over, with both hands once again between my
legs.
"Let us see and we'll give you your clothes back."
"No way."
"What's the matter? Afraid of a couple of girls?"
I knew my face was red from embarrassment. I was
beginning to sweat a little. This was about the most awful
thing that had ever happened to me. I mean, what could be
worse than getting caught by a couple of younger girls while
you are jerking off in the woods?
"Just gimme my clothes back and I won't tell on you."
Maybe the threat of their parents finding out would work.
"Stand up and show us your wiener and maybe WE won't
tell on YOU."
FUCK! Not that it would have mattered if they did tell
my parents. I'd been kicked out, after all. They already
thought I was a pervert.
"If you don't show us, we're just going to take your
clothes and leave you out here naked. How are you going to
explain that to your mom?"
I wouldn't be explaining anything to my mom, but that
wasn't the point. I was really left with no choice. I
could let them look or I could become a nudist. In total
humiliation, I straightened up and let my hands drop to my
side.
"Oh wow, Sue. Look at it."
"I thought they were supposed to be bigger than that."
Sue was giggling. I looked down. I wasn't hard anymore and
it had shriveled up from the embarrassment to be to be about
as small as it could get.
"It gets bigger." I said it rather meekly. I did not
have a small dick, though it wasn't exactly making me proud
at the moment.
"Yeah, isn't it supposed to stand up when a girl sees
it?" Both girls were moving closer. Their eyes fixed on my
crotch.
"Only if I think you're hot." If they were going to
insult and make fun of my manhood, I could at least get in a
little jibe of my own. The thing was, these girls were
pretty hot, especially Lisa. She was about six inches
shorter than me. Light brown hair, green eyes, and a very
pretty smile. Her tits were big enough to make some high
school girls jealous. Sue was an inch or two taller, but
very thin. She had brown hair and brown eyes. Her smile
was broader than Lisa's but she really had no chest to speak
of. If only I were interested in girls.
"Yeah, I'll bet if we were boys it would stand up."
There were more giggles. The girls were now within reach.
I could easily have grabbed my clothes and ran. But for
some strange reason, I just stood there and let them look.
"My brother says you like boys."
I didn't answer.
"It's really kind of ugly, isn't it? All hairy and
brown and wrinkled and everything."
Why couldn't I move? Why was I just standing here and
taking this? I didn't owe these girls anything. I sure as
hell didn't deserve this kind of humiliation. Dammit! Why
couldn't I at least get a hard on?
"Make it stand up and we'll give your clothes back."
Lisa was gaining in confidence. Sue was still giggling.
I could feel my heart beating. My legs were shaking
just a bit. I don't know what made me do it, but I reached
down and took it into my hand and began pulling it.
"God, Lisa. He's really doing it." The girls were
smiling. I noticed Sue lick her lips. They watched
intently as I stood there playing with myself. I could feel
it thickening, lengthening. Please just let me get a hard
on and let them go away. I wasn't sure how much of this I
could stand.
"Look Lisa, it's growing."
"Move your hand, let us see."
I let go of my dick, it was only about three quarters
hard. The girls didn't know the difference, though.
"Well, maybe he likes girls after all."
"Yeah, it's still getting bigger."
My dick continued to rise while they watched until I
was fully erect.
"Your balls are in there, huh?" Lisa was pointing at
my sack.
"Yeah."
The two girls stood there and giggled for a moment.
"Turn around."
"What?"
"I want to see your butt, turn around."
I simply did as I was told. I had become their
plaything. A toy.
"Now bend over."
I started to protest, but realized they had seen
everything else. If they wanted to see my hole, well, why
not? I did as they said. There were more giggles, some
whispers too. After a moment I straightened up and turned
back towards them.
"Ok, now how about my clothes. You've had your look."
Sue held them out to me.
"No wait!" Lisa protested, but it was too late.
I took my things and turned towards the rock. I wasn't
even trying to cover myself anymore. Hell, they'd gotten a
damn good look. Another minute or two wouldn't matter.
"Dammit Sue, we could've made him let us touch it."
Lisa was obviously dissappointed that she wasn't going
to get to feel me up. I breathed a sigh of relief. It had
been bad enough that I had to let her look. I didn't need
some goofy little girl poking and squeezing my most private
parts.
The girls began to leave. I just stood there looking
at them as they walked away. They were still giggling and
whispering about how funny looking it was. One of them said
she'd never seen a naked boy before, probably Sue, but I
couldn't tell which one.
Before I started dressing, I sat down on the rock and
pondered my shame. Could things get any worse? Me and my
little shriveled up wiener would no doubt become the
favorite joke of eighth grade girls everywhere. Fuck! No
home, no family, no friends, and now no dignity.
I was a mess. My life was a mess. Before today, I'd
likely have chased them down and just taken my clothes from
them. I might even have enjoyed getting caught. I might
have encouraged them to get naked with me. Damn. I had
just let a chance for my first real sexual experience with
girls pass by without doing anything. I shook my head and
sighed. There's really no doubt left, I really am a fag.
*******
By the time I reached the tree house, it was nearly
9am. I figured that my mom would soon be leaving to do her
usual Saturday morning shopping and it would be safe to go
home. I wondered if my brothers would be there. Would they
let me in?
I looked through the window in the garage door and
noticed that my mom's car was still parked inside. She
hadn't left. I stepped back into the bushes on the side of
the house and decided that I would wait there. It didn't
take long. John and Cathy were in the car with her. I
figured David was still in the house. Once she was out of
sight, I went around to the back door and turned the knob.
It opened.
David was sitting at the kitchen table eating
breakfast.
"Mike!" His eyes got big and his face lit up when he
saw me. He jumped out of his chair and ran towards me. "Oh
god Mike. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean." Tears were
streaming down his face as he threw his arms around me and
squeezed. I didn't hug him back, but I let him hug me for a
few seconds before I pried his arms from around my waist.
"Please, Mike, please don't hate me. I didn't mean for
this to happen. I didn't even know what a fag is." He was
still crying.
Hate you? How could I hate my little brother?
"I don't hate you kiddo. But I am mad at you. What
you did wasn't very nice."
"But Mike, I didn't know. I mean. I thought, well, you
know. I thought it was something bad. I thought you'd get
in trouble. But I didn't know it was like this. I didn't
want." He couldn't continue. He'd already grabbed me
around the waist again. "I love you Mike."
"I love you too, David. But I am going to be mad at
you for a while. You understand that don't you?"
He nodded his head, but I knew he didn't understand.
How could he? I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him
back this time. I didn't have the energy for anything else.
He looked up at me after a few moments. I took a
napkin from the table and wiped the tears from his eyes.
"Can you stay?"
"No David, I don't think I'm allowed to be here
anymore. "
"Dad says you're sick. He doesn't want us to get sick
from you."
Leave it to my dad to tell them I have some sort of
disease. God I hated that man right now.
"Mom said you're going to hell. She said you've sinned
against nature, whatever that means."
I didn't know which one was worse, my redneck father or
my Bible thumping mother. But I knew one thing. I felt
like throwing up and I really needed a shower.
David followed me upstairs to my room. He sat on my
bed, just sort of watching while I got undressed. I needed
a shower, a real bath. I figured I would get one as long as
I was here. I had no idea when I'd have the opportunity to
get another. David followed as I walked into the bathroom
and turned on the shower. I wasn't really worried about
being naked in front of him. He'd seen me naked plenty of
times and had often followed me into the shower. Usually
he'd be talking a mile a minute, but today he was silent.
It felt like he was trying to get as good a look at me as
possible, like maybe he thought he'd never see me again. I
was glad I was behind the shower curtain. At least he
wouldn't be able to see my tears.
We were back in my room and I was starting to get
dressed when he finally broke his silence.
"What is a fag, anyway?"
I smiled to myself. The poor little guy really didn't
know.
"Well, you know how when boys get bigger, they get
girlfriends, then get married and have children?"
He nodded.
"Well, fags don't do that. They get boyfriends
instead."
"Is Chris your boyfriend?"
"Yes, he is."
"Do you guys do sex stuff like Bobby said.?"
I chuckled. Had I been that naive when I was eleven?
"We kiss sometimes."
"You mean like, on the lips?"
I nodded.
"Ewww."
"Yeah, that's what most people seem to think."
"So am I gonna be a fag too? Dad said that's why you
had to leave. He doesn't want me and John to end up like
you."
"I don't know, David, you might be, but you might not.
Regardless, it won't have anything to do with me."
"How will I know?"
"I'm not sure. But when the time comes, you'll know
whether you like boys or girls."
Why did you decide to be a fag?"
"Well, it's not really something I decided. It just
sort of happened. Chris told me he was gay and I just got
the urge to kiss him. But I think I knew before then. I
just didn't want to admit it."
"Oh." He was looking at the floor. I could tell he
didn't quite understand.
"There's something else you need to know, though."
My brother looked up at me.
"Fag is not a nice word. It's really pretty mean.
Kinda like calling a Black man a nigger, ya know? It hurts
a lot to be called that."
"Oh. I didn't mean nothing bad by it."
"Yeah, I know. Nobody's told you any nice words."
"So what is the nice word?"
"Well, I'm not really too sure. Some people call us
queers. Others say we're homos. I think the technical term
is homosexual, so that would be ok, but it's kind of long.
I think gay is acceptable.
"You mean like happy?"
"Yeah, sort of like happy. I guess we're just happy
people, though it really doesn't feel that way right now."
I had been packing a few more of my things while we
spoke and was ready to head back downstairs.
"Are you still mad at me?"
"Yes David, I am."
"Then how come you're not yelling at me or hitting me
or something?"
I smiled a bit and shook my head.
"I guess it's just not that kind of mad."
The phone rang.
"You better get that. If it's mom or dad, don't tell
them I'm here. You'll get in trouble."
He had bounded on down the steps in front of me.
"Hello?" He paused for a second. As I got to the
bottom of the stairs, he looked at me.
"I think it's your boyfriend." He smiled as he handed
me the phone.
"Chris?"
"Hey, Mikey. Just thought I'd say hi and was kind of
hoping your mom might let me come over."
"Um, I don't think so. I don't think they'll ever
allow you over here again."
"Huh?'
I knew I'd caught him off guard.
"They found out."
"Oh shit! What'd they do?"
"They kicked me out. I spent last night in the woods."
"No fuckin' way. You coulda come over here."
"No Chris. If I go over there, your parents will find
out. I can't let that happen."
"Fuck that, Mikey, I'm coming to get you."
"Chris, no!" But it was too late. He'd already hung
up the phone. I looked at the clock. It was nearly 10:30.
My mom would be home soon.
"I gotta go David." I reached out for him and hugged
him tight. We both had tears in our eyes.
"Am I ever going to see you again Mike?"
"Of course you are, I'm your big brother aren't I?" I
broke our embrace and grabbed my bag and headed out the
door. I figured I needed to get down the street before my
mom got home. I didn't want Chris anywhere near her.
I managed to get a few houses up the road before Chris'
car pulled up beside me. I got into the car, gave him a
quick kiss and told him to drive around to the river bridge.
He pulled the car off the road and we started hiking up the
trail while I told him about everything that happened. As
we approached the spot where I had been bathing, I told him
about the girls.
He was laughing. "You mean you just stood there and
let them look at you?"
"They had my clothes, I didn't have much choice."
"And it was all shriveled up?" Now he was practically
doubled over.
"Yeah, I'll show you shriveled up in a minute."
"Oooooeeeewwwww! You promise, BIG boy." He was
grinning and batted his eyes at me.
I smacked him on the back of the head. "Dammit Chris,
it's not funny."
"I thought they were supposed to be bigger." He said
it with a falsetto type voice. This time I shoved him. He
fell over into the bushes, but he still didn't stop
laughing.
"All right, dammit, time to see just what's supposed to
be bigger." I jumped on top of him and started tickling.
Chris was squirming around and begging me to stop. I
grabbed his t-shirt and pulled it over his head. His pants
were next and mine soon followed. It wasn't long before the
two of us were rolling on the ground with our naked bodies
pressed against each other. It felt good to be with my
boyfriend again and I didn't care who might see us as we
hungrily gobbled each other's boyflesh.
When we finished we just lay there together. Chris on
his back and me on my stomach with my head resting on his
abdomen. My face was turned towards his dick. I just
looked at it. I'd never really done that before. Well, I
had, but I hadn't really looked. It was soft and wrinkled,
a much darker brown than the rest of his skin and it had a
small brownish-pink head that was pointed at my face. It
was maybe two-thirds the size it got when it was hard.
There was a dark line running down its length that started
just under the head. The line narrowed as it approached his
balls but continued over them as well. I'd noticed that on
my own dick. It was like a seam where the skin had come
together. But those girls were wrong. It wasn't ugly at
all. It was pretty. Well, ok, maybe that isn't quite the
word for it, but it was damned good looking. I wondered if
I could write a poem about it. It had a really nice, thick
patch of dark hair around it. There was some on his balls
too. There was a small trail of it running up to his belly
button. He had a light covering of velvety hair on his
thighs that grew darker and coarser below his knees.
I moved my hand under his leg, getting him to raise his
knee. Then I began to lightly pet his sack. The skin
tightened at my touch. I loved the way it felt. Even
wrinkled it was silky smooth. I tickled the skin and he
giggled a bit. I loved his giggles. They were so different
from the girls'. His dick rolled to the side and began to
lengthen. I watched as it swelled and inched its way
towards my mouth. It was as though it just knew where I
wanted it. I blew on it a little. Chris giggled again. It
throbbed. A clear drop of liquid emerged from the tip.
I felt Chris' hand as he ran it through my hair. He
was so gentle as he stroked me.
"Man, I could do this all day."
"Yeah, it is really nice, isn't it?
I smiled, I was still looking at his dick. "Yeah, it
IS really nice."
"You perve."
I moved forward and flicked my tongue across the little
slit at the tip, removing that small drop of liquid gold.
It had a mild salty flavor. Not nearly as strong and
without the bitterness of his ejaculate.
I began to rub his shaft. Just with one finger at
first, then I added a second. Chris' breathing quickened.
I could feel his body tense up. Although he'd just cum, I
could tell he was about to erupt again. I watched as his
dick leapt from his abdomen. It thickened, lengthened
slightly. I could feel as well as hear him moan. The slit
grew wide and a long stream of thick white liquid splashed
out and landed across my face. A second soon followed and a
bit more dribbled forth as I watched my lover begin to
shrink. First the head began to wilt, then the shaft.
Exactly the opposite of the way it had grown.
Chris lay there in silent contentment as I cleaned his
body with my tongue. God this was perfect.
We jumped into the river and splashed around a bit as
we washed the dirt, grass, and sweat from our bodies. We
didn't stay long before climbing out onto the riverbank and
allowing ourselves to dry in the sun and the breeze. We
dressed and grabbed my gear from the tree house and hiked
back down to his car.
Chris' mom was sitting on the living room sofa waiting
for us as we entered the house.
"Hi mom."
"Hello, Mrs. Curtis."
"Hello boys." She stood and motioned us to the sofa.
"Have a seat boys, we need to talk."
She looked rather serious and her tone matched her
look. I was confused.
"Let's take this stuff back to my room. We'll be right
out." Chris was headed for the hallway.
"Just drop it right there Chris, and have a seat."
Chris and I looked at each other. He looked as
confused as I was. We did as we were told. Mrs. Curtis sat
in a chair facing the sofa. She paused for a moment, then
took a breath.
"I spoke with your mother a little bit ago." She was
looking right at me.
I could feel my whole body sink with her words. My
mother had told her. I wanted to be angry. But, I didn't
have enough left inside of me to get angry. I looked down
at the floor and closed my eyes. I expected the worst.
Chris was dead silent beside me.
"I think you know what she told me."
"Mom, I can explain."
"Shhh." I looked up at her as she put her finger to
her lips.
"There's nothing to explain, son. I've known for a
long time. I was just waiting for you to get the courage to
tell me."
I looked at Chris. He had tears running down his face.
I felt like I should too, but I didn't.
"You knew? But how?"
"Yes, Chris, I knew. It's been a lot of things.
Little things. Things that only a mother would notice."
Chris wiped a tear from his cheek and was looking
puzzled.
"I had hoped it wasn't true. I didn't want it to be.
I still don't. It's not the way I want you to live your
life."
Chris' head sank. His whole body slumped. I put my
arm around him and pulled him towards me.
"I had hoped last year, when you dated those girls,
Cheryl and Cindy was it?" I had hoped that meant I was
wrong about you. But it really confirmed I was right."
Chris looked back up at her. She had tears in her eyes
now.
"Remember when I walked in on you? You were on the
sofa kissing Cheryl."
"Mo-om." Chris whined. It was obvious that he was
embarrassed to have me hear this. I had to really try hard
to keep from smiling.
"I had watched you for a few moments before I let you
know I was there. I'm sorry. I didn't intend to spy. But
I wanted to admire you. I was watching my little boy grow
into a man. But I knew then, it wasn't what you wanted.
She was enjoying it, but you looked like it was just the
most awful thing you'd ever done. I could see in your eyes
that you wanted to be somewhere else. I was never very sure
why you dated those girls. I know you liked them. But you
treated them more like friends, not like girlfriends."
Chris was speechless. He just looked at her. I had no
idea what to say or do. I just kept holding him as he put
his arms around me.
"Then when Joey started coming around all my suspicions
were confirmed."
"But mom." Chris tried to interrupt, but she
continued.
"You'd sit next to him on the sofa or lay next to him
on the floor while watching TV, your bodies would be
touching. You two were always bumping into each other.
Sometimes it was just the way you would look at him or he at
you. You treated him more like a girlfriend, well, I guess
that's the wrong word, but you know what I mean."
She paused for a moment and wiped her eyes.
"It's even more obvious when I see you two together."
I hugged him tighter and felt the same in return.
"I can't pretend that I understand it. I don't. I've
tried but I just don't. I can't condone it either. We are
Catholics, the Church says it's a sin. I can accept Mike as
your friend, but not your boyfriend. I know that Mike
doesn't have any place to stay right now, but I can't allow
him to stay here."
I was shaking. Each word was another crushing blow to
my soul. I wasn't angry. How could I be? It was Mrs.
Curtis' house and she owed me nothing. In her eyes, I was
corrupting her son. Yet she didn't seem to bear any
animosity. She said she could accept me as Chris' friend.
I wasn't sure what that meant. I was also wondering about
Chris. His mother wasn't rejecting him, but where did he
stand? What was he thinking?
"Are you kicking me out, too?" Chris could barely get
the words to come out.
"Oh, heavens no. I'd never do that. Chris, you are
still my son and I love you no matter what."
I felt Chris' arms pull away from me. He stood and
stepped towards his mother. He settled into her lap putting
his arms around her shoulders. She wrapped hers around his
waist and held him tight as his head came to rest on her
chest.
I just sat there, looking on in amazement, tears
streaming down my face. I was happy for him. My beautiful
boy still had his family. I felt so empty and so alone.
After what seemed like forever, Mrs. Curtis looked up
at me.
"You can stay for dinner. You can sleep on the sofa
tonight if you wish. I can't just throw you out in the
street. That wouldn't be very Christian of me now would it.
You are welcome to visit Chris and be his friend. I don't
want to know, or see, anything more." She turned to Chris,
"And nothing is to go on in this house."
Both she and Chris had stood as she spoke. I did as
well. Her words were harsh, but she spoke them gently. I
knew she was trying the best she could. I hugged her and
she hugged back.
She looked at Chris, "Why don't you invite Joey to come
over for the night. The three of you can sleep in the
basement and watch TV. I think I could trust that."
Yes, she was trying.
*******
"You mean your mom has always known?" Joey couldn't
believe the incredible story he'd just heard. "I can't
believe she never said anything."
"Neither can I. I'm such a fucking idiot." Chris
still couldn't believe his mother's reaction. "I always
thought she would throw me out."
"What about your dad?"
"She said she wouldn't tell him. I don't think I can
right now either."
"Do your parents know?" I had never really talked to
Joey before and didn't know much about him.
"It's just my mom. My dad took off years ago."
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know." Way to go Mike. Open
mouth, insert foot.
"That's ok. From what I remember, he was pretty much
of a jerk. But yeah, my mom knows. I am just a bit more
obvious than you two, ya know."
It was true. Joey wasn't what you'd call a flamer, but
there were some definite feminine qualities about him. We
all had long hair, everybody did. But Joey's was wavy and
well, just sort of big, like a girl would have. It stood up
more and was taller. His body was a little less man-shaped,
too. He had narrow shoulders and wider hips that swished
just a little as he walked. He wasn't fat or anything, but
if you looked at him from the rear, you might mistake him
for a girl. But his face certainly wasn't feminine. He
always had a five-o'clock shadow, even in the morning. And
he had a rather prominent nose. His eyes were dark, I'd
swear they were black like his hair, and were set back into
his head and he had very dark, but not bushy, eyebrows above
them. I guess it was his Italian heritage. Chris had told
me that the family name had been changed when Joey's
grandparents emigrated. It was shortened to Millar, but
used to have an `i' or an `o' on the end. He was maybe 5'
7" or 5' 8", just a little shorter than Chris, and probably
lighter, too. Maybe 115 pounds. His voice was a little
squeaky, almost nasal sounding, but soft. Yeah, if you
looked a Joey, watched him, you had to wonder about his
manhood.
"She had a hard time with it at first." Joey
continued, "But she's ok with it now. I think she accepts
me for what I am." He turned to me. "What're you going to
do?"
"I don't know, man. Got no clue."
"Why don't you talk to your aunt? I bet she'd let you
stay. She's one of the nicest people I've ever met."
Leave it to Chris to point out what should have been
obvious. I don't know why I hadn't thought of it. My aunt
Maxine lived down the street from Chris. And he was right.
She is one of the nicest people you'd ever want to meet. I
wasn't too sure about my uncle, though. He was nice enough,
but one of those strong, silent types. You never really
knew what he was thinking. And he is my dad's brother. I
wasn't too sure about my cousins either.
"I guess I hadn't thought of it. I just figured none
of my family would have me. But I guess it's worth a try."
"Sure it is. You'd be living right down the street
from Chris. Then nothing could stop you from fucking like
rabbits." Joey's eyes had gotten big and he sounded
excited.
"Joey!" Chris and I just looked at him.
"Oops. Sorry. It's just that, well, you two have
become my favorite fantasy. For, you know."
Oh God. I was probably getting more in Joey's
fantasies than I was in real life. Though I gotta admit,
real life had become a lot better lately, at least in that
department.
"Jesus, Joey. I'm not sure a needed to know that."
Chris was having a hard tome keeping a straight face.
"Yeah, well, if I can't have the real thing, I gotta
have something, ya know. Otherwise I'll go crazy."
"Well if you gotta, tonight at least, take it into the
bathroom."
"Oh man, I was kinda hoping, ya know, maybe like we
used to, maybe all three of us."
"Oh God Joey."
I was rolling on the floor laughing. I probably should
have been jealous or mad or something, but this was the
funniest conversation I had ever heard. I was trying to
picture what it would look like, the two of them, sitting of
Chris' bed beating off and watching each other.
"And what the fuck are you laughing at?" Chris was
awful when it came to pretending to be mad.
I told them what I'd been thinking. And then added,
"You never let me watch you do yourself." I had to roll
away from Chris who had started beating on me. Not hard,
but he seemed to have forgotten about my ribs. I was
laughing too hard to remind him.
Joey stood up and started to pull off his pants, "I
don't know about you guys, but I gotta go to the bathroom
before I hit the sack."
"Just don't spend the night in there, eh?"
"Have fun, man." Chris and I were both still cracking
up. As Joey turned to leave I got my first look at his
nearly naked body. He was really skinny, scrawny really.
You could count his ribs from a mile away. And hairy, too.
Not his upper body, just his legs. I don't think I'd ever
seen a kid with more hair on his legs. But there was
something else that caught my attention even more than the
hair. The front of his briefs looked like they were going
to burst. The fabric was stretched tight around the biggest
bulge I'd ever seen, and it didn't look like he was hard.
As soon as Joey disappeared Chris and I stripped down
to our briefs as well. We laughed and giggled a bit while
wondering what Joey may be doing in the bathroom while we
prepared our bed for the night. I unzipped my sleeping bag
and we spread it across the floor, then we laid his on top
and crawled underneath. Chris snuggled up behind me and
draped his arm over my chest. I could feel his package
pressing against my buttocks as he got comfortable. I
turned my head as far back as it would go. He raised his
head to meet me. Our very first goodnight kiss was brief,
barely more than a peck on the lips, but more than
sufficient. Chris fell asleep instantly, I think, but I had
too much on my mind. As I lay there in my lover's arms I
felt safe, secure, but I was sad too. I'd lost everything,
but in some ways I think I had more now than I'd ever had
before.
*******
Sunday morning I walked to my aunt's house. I was too
late. They had already left for church. Not that I would
have wanted to go with them. My parents would have been
there. But I could have waited inside the house. I
couldn't go back to Chris' either. His family was going to
mass. I decided to sit on the front doorstep and wait.
I thought about all the stuff that had happened. It
was pretty overwhelming. In less than two weeks I had gone
from a fairly well-adjusted teenager living in a fairly
decent home, to being homeless, a homosexual, and perhaps
the most despised kid in school. And it had all started
just because I tried to help Joey. That is what they teach
you, isn't it? To help people who need help. To be kind.
I wasn't sure where I'd gone wrong, but leave it to me to
fuck up a simple act of kindness.
I guess it hadn't turned out all bad. I had found a
wonderful new boyfriend. I even began to start
understanding myself a bit. I'd made a new friend in Joey.
Mr. Grayson still seemed to like me. And even Mrs. Curtis.
I smiled a little when I thought of our conversation
yesterday. How she had been able to accept her son anyway.
I knew she didn't approve, but had told Chris that she still
loved him and she even told me I could still be his friend.
Chris' father had even understood, but I hadn't been
there for that part of the conversation. His mother had
thought it best that I not be so Joey and I had taken a
walk. Even though he shared her suspicions, she wasn't
certain that he'd take it well. But he had.
In some ways I was jealous. Chris had some good
parents. They loved him. They weren't going to abandon
him just because he wasn't what they'd wanted, what they'd
expected. Maybe it was because he was their only child.
Toss him away and there'd be no one left. Unlike me. Hell,
when you've got three sons, what's it matter if you throw
one away, especially if it was the one you didn't like to
begin with.
God, I was crying again. What is it with me and all
these tears lately. It seemed that's all I ever do anymore.
Too bad I left my notebook at Chris' house. I'd sure like
to write a little right now.
"Hey sleepyhead, time to wake up!" I felt a gentle
shove as I opened my eyes.
"We been wondering when you would show up."
"Oh, hi Cliff. I must've fallen asleep." I looked
around. James was standing behind him and my Aunt Maxine
and Uncle Jim were headed my way. I stood up and dusted
myself off.
"Well, look what the cat dragged in."
"Hi Uncle Jim, Aunt Maxine."
"Well, where in the world have you been these last few
days? We've been worried sick about you." Twenty years
after leaving West Virginia, my aunt still had a thick
southern drawl.
"Oh, I guess you heard, then." Uncle Jim unlocked the
door and we began to head inside.
"Your mother called just after you left. She told us
you'd probably be headed this way. When you didn't show up,
we started to worry. And then you didn't come yesterday
either. I better call and tell her you're here. She is
worried, you know."
"No, Maxine, please. Not yet."
"She's worried, Mike."
"She kicked me out. It's a little late for worry,
don't you think." There was a bit of anger returning to my
voice.
"Now don't be cross with me, young man. I don't
approve of what they did, but I'm not the one who did it."
"I'm sorry." FUCK! Mike you are a fucking idiot. You
are fucking this up and they aren't going to want you
either.
"Apology accepted. Now you're going to need a place to
stay. It might as well be here."
I looked up at her. "Are you sure you want me. I'm a
lot more trouble than I'm worth."
"Nonsense. You're staying here and that's all there is
to it."
I looked at my uncle and then to each of my cousins.
They shook their heads in agreement.
"You guys know why I got kicked out don't you?" Might
as well tell them. Get it over with. They could tell me to
get lost now before anyone went to any trouble.
"Yes, we know." It was Cliff. "We just got another
fruit tree for the orchard." He was grinning as though that
was the funniest thing he'd said all week.
"Cliff! Knock it off!" Apparently my aunt didn't
think he was much of a comedian.
"God Mom, I'm just teasing."
"It's ok, Maxine, I'm getting kind of used to it."
"Well, you shouldn't have to get used to it." She was
giving her oldest son a rather stern look. "Now you boys
get down to the basement and get that spare room cleaned
out." She turned to me. "Mike you can have that room. I
know it's not much, but there's a bathroom down there too.
And you'll have your own private entrance."
My aunt's house sat on a hill that sloped from front to
back so that the basement was ground level at the rear of
the house and had a door that opened into the back yard.
Cliff, James, and I headed downstairs to clear out what
would become my room. Maxine was right. It wasn't much. A
very small room with a twin bed in one corner, a chest of
drawers, a small desk, and a wardrobe. It was maybe 8' x
12'. There was a bare lightbulb on the ceiling. Two of the
walls were concrete block, the other two were unfinished and
the stud framing was showing. There was plywood paneling on
the outside. It looked more like a prison cell than a
bedroom. But beggars can't be choosers, right?
It took about two hours to get it cleaned up enough to
be fit to sleep in. My cousins teased me incessantly, but
that wasn't any different than they had ever treated me. I
had always been the butt of their jokes and they loved to
pick on me. Not just verbally, but physically as well.
Especially Cliff. He had been a champion wrestler in high
school and he continued to keep himself in great shape. He
was tall, about 6' 3" and probably weighed 190 pounds and it
was all solid muscle. Not that he was bulky or anything.
He wasn't, he was just in really good shape.
James was taller and thinner. He was 6' 7" and was a
basketball player. He'd been one of the best ever to come
from our high school and now he was playing for the local
college, though he still lived at home. He was a bit more
of a hippie than his older brother. A bit more happy-go-
lucky. His brown hair was longer than Cliff's, though
shorter than mine. It came down to the middle of his ears
and just over his collar. Cliff's hair was a bit lighter
and he kept it cut short, in more of a 50s style. Cliff was
quick-witted and had a dry sense of humor and a more serious
demeanor. He was definitely the smarter one. I don't think
there was anything he didn't know.
But even though they teased me a lot and picked on me,
it was all in fun and it made me feel good. I'd never been
offended or hurt by it. In fact, I picked right back, but
seldom did I come out on top.
My Aunt and Uncle went over the rules during dinner.
It seemed I was going to be given a lot of freedom. They
hadn't placed too many restrictions on their own boys, and
they weren't going to start with me. Two things stuck out
in my mind that told me this was going to work just fine.
There was no curfew on weekends, though I had to call them
if I would be late. And Chris could stay over if there was
no school. Yup! Maybe things were starting to look up.