Date: Mon, 28 May 2001 14:58:10 +0800
From: gspencer <gspencer@amitar.com.au>
Subject: Jason's Tears

This is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance of
characters to any person, whether living or dead, is
purely accidental and unintended. Copyright is
retained by the Author and reproduction or
distribution, in any form and whether for profit or not,
without the written permission of the Author, is
forbidden,
     If reading this type of literature is forbidder in the
area where you live, you proceed at your own risk.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This story is intended for those who have a moderate
grasp of English and like a story in which there may be
some sex. Any word you do not understand can be
found in the Pocket Oxford Dictionary 1992 edition
gspencer@amitar.com.au


------------------------------------------------------------------------------

			       Jason's Tears
		(Found during renovations of an old house)

Jason is sitting on the bed and Brian is holding him in
his arms. I am writing this down because Jason can't
write. What I mean is Jason is not able to write about
this, he falls into deep depression whenever he sits
down at the keyboard. His therapist wants him to write
this story in the hope that it will help him get his life
back together. He just fell apart when Arnold died. My
cousin Brian is helping all he can, but he is afraid to
leave Jason alone when he starts to talk about this, so
he sits there and holds him and I agreed to do the
writing. Arnold was my brother and he died when a
motorist ran a red light and took him out, on a
pedestrian crossing.  It is hard for me to write this and
remember Arnie, my lovely young brother, but it must
tear Jason apart because Arnold was like a god to him.
He was his lover, his protector, his best friend and his
major reason for living.

      I will write a little bit about myself and Brian as I go
along, but this is for Jason and most of it will be in his
words. Jason is eighteen now and is still only 5'1" tall.
The doctor says he may grow another inch by the time
he is twenty-one, but he is not very hopeful. He is 130
lbs and that is the heaviest he has ever been. He is
only that heavy because Brian just about force-feeds
him. He was almost a shadow when Brian came, we
had tried everything we could think of to get him to
eat, and we had given up and were almost resigned to
him starving himself to death. Brian has some magic
that only he can work on Jason, and there is a slim
chance that he may begin to live life again with Brian
beside him.

     I pray every night that something will happen to
bring our Arnold's "Beautiful Little Man" back to us
again. Before all this happened he used to make us all
feel so happy and contented, just being around him.
Even when the bullies were picking on him he still
managed to bring a smile to so many faces. I love him
and I want him back again so I pray that Brian can
work his magic on that too. That is why I am here
writing.
Dustin.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

     I can still remember the first time I saw Arnie. I was
in the queue to get our textbook list, on the first day of
High School. He looked enormous and he had lovely
dark brown hair and a kind smile. He was in the next
queue to mine because he was Ratzinger and I was
Albemarle. Even when I got so afraid of bullies, and
tried to hide away, I was never afraid of Arnold. I was
too shy to speak to him but I was never afraid of him. I
used to sit behind him in class and think how beautiful
he was, and he was always kind to me.

      My first year was pretty good, some of the kids
were mean to me but no one hit me. The big kids just
treated all Year Eights as if they didn't exist so there
was no bullying from them. It was not until Year Nine
that thing started to go bad. Dad said it was just boys
feeling their oats, and it was years before I worked out
what he meant. I know I am pretty immature but I was a
good student and got top marks in everything except
maths. Being the littlest kid in class, in fact in the
whole school, was a nuisance at first because I could
never see around the other kids, but when I was still
the littlest kid in school in Year Nine, things began to
go pear shaped. I didn't think about sex and I didn't
know how to wank until Arnie taught me. I don't ever
remember having a wet dream, but I might have and
just not recognised it. I remember having wonderful
dreams about being on a Pirate ship and being the
Captains best mate. He would tell me what to do and I
would go and tell the others, and they would all jump
to it. There were lots of other dreams. There was a
dream where I was shipwrecked on a coral island and
the Native Chief took me in and made me his best
friend, I used to sit beside him while he issued orders,
but he never gave any to me. Two things were always
the same about all those dreams, there were never any
girls and I was never in charge. Even when I was
Robinson Crusoe and had built my own house, the
Captain of the rescue ship came and got me himself
and made me his best friend.

     I am an only child and I came fairly late in mum and
dad's life. They love me very much and they were so
thrilled to have a child at last that they spoiled me a
bit. Not that they gave me everything I wanted, or let
me get away with bad behaviour, they were just---
always there for me. Whenever I needed something, or
needed to go somewhere, they were always there. I
could ask them anything and they would always
answer me, or find out the answer if they didn't know.
They always had time for me and never pushed me
away. Dad was always happy to make time to play with
me and I never realised that I needed friends until he
introduced me to Justin. Mum told me that I was just
like her grandfather and that I would probably never
grow to be a big man like dad.

     Justin lived in the next street and he went to my
school, but I had never met him. I vaguely remember
seeing him in the playground, but I was too shy to
make friends, even in Year Five. Not that I didn't join in
games or swap cards, or other treasures, but only at
school.  Other kids went to each other's houses to play
and went places together, but I just stayed home. I
never had the courage to approach anyone and they
just seemed to look right through me. Not that I was
unhappy at home, I just didn't feel the need for other
people. It wasn't until Justin took me under his wing
that I found out how nice other people could be and I
began to enjoy their company.

     I think dad found out that Justin went to my school
when he was talking to the neighbour over the back
fence, but how he got Justin to be my friend and why
Justin agreed I never found out, not that I ever asked.
One Saturday dad walked in with this boy from school
following behind.

     "Jason this is Justin and he is going to be your
friend and play with you and show you how to do all
the things that boys do."

     So there I was making my first real friend at ten
years old. I had no idea what friends did together when
they were not at school, but that didn't trouble Justin;
he always knew what to do.

      "Come on, let's play Soccer."

     "How do you play that?"

     "Never mind. I'll teach you later. Let's play catch
instead."

     That is how it went for the next four year, until I met
my Arnie. Justin was always including me in
everything. It did not matter to him that I couldn't catch
or kick a Soccer ball straight or climb a tree very well,
from then on I was Justin's friend. He introduced me to
Paul and Joseph, both of whom lived close by, but I
had never met them, and they made me do all sorts of
things I would never have thought of before I met
them. Sometimes they would make jokes about me,
but they were never mean to me or teased me. They
were the ones who took me to swimming classes and
who made me practise until I became really good.
Sometimes they would joke that it was the stupidest
thing they ever did, because the water was the one
place where I soon left them far behind. Justin was a
good swimmer but he was a sprinter. I soon developed
into a distance swimmer, and when I got to High
School, I also took up diving.

     Primary School was a ball for me from then on. I
was always top or second in every subject and I had
Justin, Paul and Joseph to drag me into all sorts of
kids escapades. Mum and dad were beaming whenever
I brought my friends home. I know they were happy
because they told me. High School split us up.
Because some stupid bureaucrat had drawn a line
down the middle of a map, Paul and Joseph had to go
to one school and Justin and I had to go to another. To
add insult to injury, Justi was on one bus rout and I
was on another. There was never any trouble when I
was on the School bus because the driver was very
strict, but when I went to practise and caught the
ordinary bus, that was when they could get to me.
Mondays were not a problem because Justi had
Swimming practise at the same time and came home
with me, but I also did diving and I was on my own on
Wednesday and Friday.

     I often wonder if I would have had so much trouble
with bullies if Paul and Joseph had been there to back
Justin up, but then I might never have found the
courage to speak to Dustin and then I would never
have met my lovely Arnie.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

     Hi
I have to wait until Brian calms Jason down before I
can go on, so I might as well fill in time with some
thoughts of my own.

     Brian is the first person who has been able to break
through the wall of Jason's grief. I can't guess if Jason
might possibly fall in love with Brian, but I know Brian
is in love with Jason. I can see that same look on his
face that Arnold used to have. The way he smiles when
he is watching Jason is that same goofy smile that
Arnold used to get. I watch the protective way he puts
his arm around him, and shifts things, just in case
Jason bumps into them. I know Mr and Mrs Albemarle
see it too. I noticed, at dinner tonight, that there is
hope in their faces. It is the first time I have seen that
since the funeral. By the time the funeral was held it
had all evaporated from them. I won't go into details,
but the funeral was a nightmare. Everyone was feeling
pretty bad about things to start with; they were all
trying to cope with their own feelings of grief and loss.
But when they looked a Jason and what it did to him,
they just fell apart. Samantha won't come over here
with me; just looking at Jason grieving has her in
tears. Not that she has stopped loving him, any more
than I have, she just can't look at him without it
breaking down her own defences.

      None of his friends have abandoned him. They
have been here for him every step of the way. Justin,
Angelica, Joseph, Paul, Angelo, Robert, Jessica,
Louise and Horgan our older brother. They have all
been here and held him in their arms and let him soak
their shoulders with his tears. The J Squad asks after
him regularly and have all paid him a visit or two. They
all knew we needed a miracle to stop J man sinking
deeper and deeper into depression and it was Angelo
who set the miracle in motion. He remembered how
much Jason had enjoyed Brian's visits. He was
reminiscing about this when both he and Horgan were
here comforting Jason. As Horgan tells it, the story
goes like this.

     "Angelo was rabbiting on about how Jason had
enjoyed Brian's visits and the blindingly obvious
suddenly struck me. Brian, our horse whisperer
cousin, was gay. No wonder he did not visit as often as
he used to, it must have been uncomfortable for him
seeing Arnold and Jason together, when he was stuck
up country with no one to share with. There were
probably some gays in the town but they were all too
scared to admit it. Perhaps he could get through where
we had all failed. It was worth a try, I had to ring him. I
dumped Jason in Angelo's lap and dragged out my
mobile phone. I was lucky enough to catch him before
he went out to the shed to work on a tractor, and I told
him that I needed to talk to him about Jason, I would
be up Saturday morning and, if he was agreeable, I
would bring him back with me. I left before dawn and
drove like a bat out of hell. When I told them the story
Uncle Jake was not too happy about Brian going off,
but Aunt Mary was on our side. Brian was packing a
bag almost before we had finished talking. We were
back here by midnight on Saturday."

     By Monday night Brian was installed in the
Albemarle's spare room, and he has lived here for the
past three months. I have just realised that he has his
clothes in this room now; he must be sleeping with
Jason. I will ask him about it later. The Albemarls
refuse to take anything from mum and dad for board
and even tried to persuade Brian to take payment for
what he was doing. He was just as stubborn as they
were in refusing that. Everyone has seen how Jason
has improved from that day until now, and they can't
thank Angelo and Horgan enough, for bringing it
about.

     Jason is almost ready to go on so I need to give him
my attention.
Dustin.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

      The bullying really started at the end of year eight,
when Joe and Willy started calling me names and
making jokes about my size. They just kept getting
worse and worse. Justin tried to stop them and to keep
it inside the Swimming Team, but they started calling
me names in class and in the halls. Justin said they
were jealous because I was such a good swimmer and
they were only on the team because they filled a
couple of gaps in our line-up. I don't know if that's true
or not but they soon got other bullies thinking of me as
an easy target. The really bad physical stuff didn't start
until the beginning of year nine, but they still had me in
tears a few times before we broke up for Christmas. I
asked dad about it and he said to be patient and they
would grow out of it.

     After the holidays things began to get worse. Willy
and Joe never went past verbal abuse and Coach was
pretty quick to jump down their throats if he heard any
of it, so I think that kept them in line. I wish he had
been able to do that to some of the others.  The worst
two were Fred Jenkins and Harold Pokolbin. They
always hung around with each other and they were
bigger than Justin, but not as big as Arnie. There were
several others who would punch me in the arm or in
the back, and call me fag and pussy-wussy. I always
had a few bruises for Coach to see when I was
stripped. He began to worry about me and was always
asking me who gave me the bruises. I could never
remember which bruise came from which bully so I
just told him I couldn't remember. I do remember one
day, about the middle of the year, when my bruises
were so bad that my pool times were all shot to pieces.
Justin and I had to convince him that it was the kids at
school, and not my parents who were giving me the
bruises. He rang my parents after dinner, that night,
and asked them if they knew what was going on. I had
never told them so they had no idea and they were
upset to think that I had never told them. I pointed out
that I was just being patient and waiting for them to
grow out of it. Dad was upset because I couldn't see
that he didn't mean they had the right to hit me.

     Dad rang the headmaster and Mr Wallace the next
day and told them they had three weeks to come up
with some way of keeping me safe at school or he
would take me out and send me to another school. I
think he also told them that he would write to the
Minster and the Director of the Board of Education,
giving them the reasons why. On Friday there was a
School Assembly before classes and the Head was
pretty strong in telling everyone what he would do to
bullies if he caught them and what he thought of
people who discriminated against other people for any
reason. Unfortunately he told the whole school what
had happened to me and how it was affecting my
swimming, and that got me labelled as a tattletale and
a dobber. It had the opposite effect to the one he
intended.

     It got pretty bad that day and every time I was alone
one or other of the bullies found me and gave me a
new bruise or two and a mouthful of abuse. By the
time school was over I was pretty battered. I headed
down to the Gym for practise and I was in the blind
spot between the toilets and the Gym when Harold and
Fred caught me. They really laid into me, and left me
crying and barely able to drag myself to the Gym door.
The Coach took one look at me and almost hit the roof.
He had people running everywhere and the Football
Coach and the whole senior team came running. The
Assistant Sports Master was the football coach and
also qualified in St John First Aid. He checked me over
and pronounced me free from any serious injuries but
suggested I be taken to the hospital to check for
hairline fractures or concussion. While this was going
on, Coach Wallace had assembled every single kid
who was there for any sport and began to lecture
them. He was in a towering rage and his face was
almost purple. He kept having to wipe froth from the
sides of his mouth as he talked. I could see some of
the kids faces and they looked nervous, almost scared.
He told them that he had no intention of losing one of
the best swimmers the school had had in years and
that he was giving them all his instructions. If the
bullies were going to ignore the headmaster then it
was up to all of them to keep me safe. He expected
them to watch me every minute I was in school and to
stop anyone from touching me. If they were too small
to stop an older or larger boy, then they were to get the
help of a senior. He realised that they would be in
danger themselves if they were seen talking to a
teacher, and he was sorry that the Head had
mentioned me by name because he had been
expecting some bad reactions, but he had never
expected it to go this far. As far as he was concerned
the football team could thump a bully until he was half
dead and he would take the responsibility for it as
Coach and the person issuing the instructions. Mr
Mills interrupted him to ask for me to be taken to the
hospital and he asked for a volunteer from those of the
seniors who had cars. Mr Mills wrote out a letter to be
given to the hospital and Dustin got the job of taking
me in. I didn't hear the rest of the lecture but Arnold
and Justin told me he said the same thing to every
team in every sport for the whole of the next week.

     Dustin got me talking while we were driving in and I
told him about Harold and Fred. As I was telling him
the tears started again and he pulled into a parking
spot and held me in his arms, wiping away my tears
with his handkerchief. He was huge and he was strong,
but he was so gentle and kind that it felt like my dad
was holding me. He stayed with me while they did the
x-rays and checked for concussion and he told the
hospital that he had been given strict instructions that
he was to be with me whenever there was not a doctor
present. I think he fibbed a bit but it made me feel
really special that he would do that for me. The Doctor
thought I had mild concussion and told me to stay in
bed and rest for the next three days.  Dustin drove me
straight home and told my mother what had happened.
He told me he would bring my books over the weekend
and I was not to worry, he would tell Coach everything.
No matter what else happened, this would never
happen again. The painkillers began to kick in and I
got sleepy while we were talking. Dustin picked me up
like I was a baby and carried me into my bedroom. I
don't think he even noticed the weight. I know he took
off my shoes and socks, but I was asleep before either
he or mum removed my trousers and shirt and tucked
me into bed.

     The next morning I had to tell mum and dad
everything that had happened. They were impatient to
know but they had to wait for me to have breakfast as I
was starving, having missed eating the night before.
Mum cooked me pancakes to follow the bowl of cereal
and then we sat down to talk.  I told them everything
that had happened from the assembly until Dustin had
brought me home. Dad's mouth was hanging open
when I told him what I could remember of the coaches
lecture to the teams, especially when I told him the
part about thumping the bullies until they were half
dead.  He asked me what I thought about leaving that
school and going to a private school. I began to cry at
the thought of leaving Justin and having to make new
friends, because I still only had four friends that took
any real notice of me. Before I could reply there was a
knock on the door. Dustin had come to deliver my bag.
When mum brought him in, there was Arnold standing
right beside him. I had no idea that Arnold was
Dustin's brother. They were both very big for their age
but Dustin has red hair and freckles on his turned up
nose, while Arnold had dark brown hair and a straight
nose. It was not until I saw them side by side that I
could see they were brothers. When they had been
introduced to dad, Arnie saw I had been crying and
came over and put his arms around me very gently so
as not to hurt my bruises.

      "I wish I had realised what they were doing to you. I
would never have let it happen. Don't cry you beautiful
little guy, I'll stay with you every minute of the day.
They'll never come near you again. I'll even go to the
bog with you. Please Jason don't cry."

     I did cry. Somehow being held by my Arnold was
different to anything I had ever felt before. I buried my
head in his shoulder and let out all the anger and
frustration and fear in buckets of tears that soaked his
shirt. Arnold never moved a muscle until I was
finished. Then he looked me in the eye and smiled.

     "Feeling better now?"

     I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him.
"Thank you Arnold, but now I've got your shirt all wet."

     "Don't worry. I'd feel like a wuss if I complained
about that after all you've been through."

     I looked at his face and there was a big smile on it. I
looked up and Dustin and dad had big smiles on their
faces. Mum was in the kitchen so I don't know what
she thought. I stood up but I was rather unsteady on
my feet. Arnold caught my shoulders and steadied me.
I looked up at him and suddenly realised I loved him. It
was a big shock and I sat down again very suddenly.
Dad told me to lie on the lounge and he would get me a
blanket and pillow. Dustin said he thought I was too
unsteady to walk so he just picked me up again, as if I
were a feather, and carried me over to the lounge. I
was all embarrassed, since I only had my briefs and a
dressing gown on and I still had not had a shower.
Arnold was looking worried. Dad tucked the blanket
around me and told Arnold I would be fine in a few
days and he brightened up. Mum came in with coffee
for the three of us and soft drink for Arnold and Dustin.
She also brought a big plate of biscuits.  We sat
around and talked, or rather they talked and I dozed off
with my coffee half drunk.

     When I woke up it was one o'clock and the
Ratzinger's had gone home for lunch. Mum and dad
had eaten their lunch since they had no idea how long
I would sleep. Dad helped me to have a shower
because he was worried about me falling. I was feeling
much better when I had my lunch. The next day I was
much steadier on my feet but I was still very tired and
slept a lot, at least I could do without pain killers, they
made me very dopey. I spent most of the day on the
lounge. I woke up around four o'clock on Sunday and
heard voices at the door. It sounded like Justin, so I
called out to ask if it was. He came running in and
almost threw his arms around me, then he realised I
was still bruised and he stopped himself. We chatted
for a few minutes when there was another knock at the
door. This time it was Arnold and Dustin. It turned out
that they had all been told by their respective teams to
bring a progress report on me when they went to
school on Monday. Justin had not been at practise on
Friday but he said that most of the team had rung him
and told him what had happened and almost
demanded that he bring them a report. Much the same
thing had happened to Arnold, except that he could
give them a progress report from what Dustin had told
him and then from his own visit. Mum and dad just sat
in the kitchen watching and smiling. Dad never asked
me for the answer to his question about going to a
private school. I think he could see I would be well
looked after.  Before they all left Arnold came to where
I was lying on the lounge and held me again, he was so
gentle.

     "You get well soon little guy. We want you back at
school. You've got Dusty and me now to back up
Justin and we've got two teams to back us up. You'll
never have to go through that again."

     He was looking so serious and concerned that I just
smiled and ran my hand down his cheek. It made me
feel all faint and funny again but Arnie was smiling big
time. I really did need to think about what I was feeling
towards Arnold. Perhaps I should have a talk with dad
and get him to help me sort it out.  After dinner I
whispered to dad that I wanted a man-to-man talk with
him and he smiled at mum and told her we would talk
in my bedroom .We had a really good talk and dad
explained a lot of things to me about being attracted to
Arnie. I was feeling really good after the talk and I
knew that mum and dad would love me no matter what
I decided. I told dad that I would just go along and see
if I really was in love with Arnold or if it was just going
to be a friendship like that with Justin, Joseph, Paul
and Angelo. I told him I understood the word
infatuation and that it was called puppy love or hero
worship but I really didn't know what that meant as far
as my feelings were concerned. He told me not to
worry and to just go along with what I felt comfortable
with. He would always be there to help me and explain.
He reassured me that Justin, Arnold and Dustin would
always be my friends, no matter what I decided. He did
not know Joseph, Paul and Angelo well enough to be
absolutely sure about them, but he thought they would
be OK too, and it turned out he was right. When we
went back to the kitchen for some cocoa, I saw him
wink at mum and she smiled. I think they guessed
something but I didn't know what it was until later.

     Mum kept me home both Monday and Tuesday.
Dustin brought Justin home both days and Arnold was
always the first one to reach me when they came in. It
was as if Justin and Dustin held back so that he could
be first. Arnie looked worried until he had his arms
around me to make sure I was alright, but Dustin and
Justin had silly smiles on their faces. It felt so nice
having his arms around me but it felt different to when
dad or Justin or Dustin hugged me. I took dads advice
and just let it happen. Whenever she saw Arnie with
his arm around me, mum got that look on her face like
mum's do when they see their kid do something cute. I
didn't know what it meant but I knew she was happy.
Tuesday I went to school and I had a senior waiting at
the door of the bus to escort me inside. It was Robert
Hapgood; he was one of Dustin's best friends even
though he was in year eleven. I didn't realise what he
was doing until I noticed he was following me. I
suddenly got the shakes because I didn't know him
and I thought he might be another bully. The tears
came up in my eyes and I hung my head, expecting
another beating. Suddenly Justin and Dustin and
Arnold were there and Arnold was holding me, right in
front of all those kids.

     "Don't be frightened Jason, I'm here now. Robert is
our friend and he was just guarding you until we got
here. Please little man, don't cry."

     He sounded so sad I thought he might cry himself. I
couldn't help it. Arnie just made me feel so good. I
smiled up at him and ran my hand down his face. He lit
up like a Christmas tree and all the others had smiles
on their faces. From that day on Arnold became my
special friend and Justin stepped back and let him be,
without the slightest trace of jealousy. It was as if he
understood that Arnold did something for me that he
could never do. I was introduced to Robert and told
that I had to take my lunch to the oval because they
were going to introduce me to all the people who had
the job of keeping me safe, so that I would not be
frightened again.

     On Wednesdays I had Arnold or Justin in my first
four classes. Arnold escorted me to second period and
handed me over to Justin, before going to his own
class. A lot of kids came up to me and told me how
sorry they were for what had happened. I didn't know
how so many people found out, but it was nice. Justin
escorted me to fourth period and handed me over to
Arnold. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed there
was always a senior in the corridor keeping an eye on
us. Then it was time for lunch. I went down to the oval
with Justin on one side and Arnold on the other. All
the kids kept well clear of us and I looked back to see
there were two football players right behind us. By the
time we got there, my mouth was hanging open and
Arnie and Justi were giggling at the look on my face.
Both the senior and the junior football teams were
there and half the Swim team half the cricketers and
some of the tennis players. There must have been
nearly a hundred kids. Peter Johnson, who was a
footballer and School Captain, came and took me by
the hand. He walked to the front of the crowd and
yelled at them to shut up. Then he lifted me onto his
shoulder and began to walk around, he was almost as
big as Dustin so I could see everybody.

     "All of you know the job that Mr Wallace has given
us. None of you would be here unless you had
volunteered to do that job. This is Jason and our job is
to keep him from getting punched out every day. I have
given you all a copy of his schedule, so you know
where he will be every day, and you know what days
he has practise. I can't organise you into teams
because I don't know your schedules, so you will have
to talk it out among yourselves, but I want someone
with him every minute of the day, even if you have to
go into the toilets with him. Somewhere like the bog is
an ideal place for some bully to ambush him, so I
never want to see him go in there alone. If you have
any problems come to me and I will go to Coach. Now
introduce yourselves to him, so that he knows who his
friends are."

     Peter put me down and Arnold came running over
to lead me to one of the benches at the side of the
oval. He unwrapped my lunch for me and put it on my
lap. Dustin, Justin, Peter and Robert all stood behind
the bench and talked, every kid in the crowd came up
and introduced himself, making sure I got a good look
at him so that I would know him again. It made me feel
very special and I was blushing a lot at some of their
really nice comments. Then most of them went off to
join their girlfriends who had gathered on the
sidelines. A lot of the girls came up and introduced
themselves and told me that they would watch out for
me too, and they did. Dustin and Peter's girlfriends
went around behind me when they had introduced
themselves and stood with their boyfriends.

     From then on, wherever I went in the school, there
were always one or two people with me and often there
was a whole crowd of both boys and girls. They would
talk to each other and lark around and laugh, but
nobody doubted why they were there. It was really
embarrassing going to the loo when there was a whole
crowd. They would stand around outside the door,
waiting for me, and one of the big seniors would come
and stand inside the door until I was finished or until
he was sure I was alone. They were all so nice about it
that I managed to get over my embarrassment but I
was still pretty shy with them. They never seemed to
mind and never gave me a hard time over it. They
never gave Arnie a hard time either. He would be with
me as often as he could and he always seemed to have
an arm around me. I really enjoyed that. They didn't
seem to notice it at all.

     I remember one Saturday when Arnie and I were
watching a cricket match on the School Oval, Justin
was playing. Arnold had his arm around me as usual,
and these two big kids, whom I had never seen before,
walked up and started calling us fags and queers and
making other nasty comments. I was feeling
threatened and began to hang my head. Then I noticed
a big pair of boots beside me and a pair of girls shoes
along side them. The two boys went very quiet and I
looked up to see what was happening. There was a big
semicircle of school footballers and their girlfriends
around us and Peter was standing right beside me. He
spoke fairly quietly but there was venom in his voice.

     "I don't know if they're gay or not but you had better
understand this. Even if they are queers, they are OUR
queers and you had better walk and talk very softly
when you're around them."

     Samantha let go of Dustin's arm and stepped in
front of Arnie. "That goes for all of us too. Don't think it
is only our boyfriends that will be watching you. We all
love Arnold and Jason and if you lay a finger on Jason,
or hurt him in any way, you will find that we can fight
just as well as our men, and we will."

     The two boys went white as sheets and backed
away as quickly as they could.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

      Jason is very tired. Brian says it is time for bed. I
will sleep in the spare bed to be here for Jason as
soon as he is ready to continue.
Dustin.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi
      I spoke to Brian this morning, before Jason woke.
There is nothing sexual between them, at the moment.
Brian is sleeping with Jason because he feels that that
is what Jason needs and, looking at the results, who
can argue. Brian is wonderful with animals, he is the
best horse gentler I have ever seen and he is in
demand from everyone in the Shire, whenever they
have a fractious animal of any kind. He can re-train
dogs or work out what is upsetting a cow and causing
milk loss, in fact he is a genius with animals. He is also
a genius with Jason. He told me that if he had sex with
Jason, as he is right now, he would be no better than a
sheep dog which savaged a lamb and the only cure for
that is for the dog to be put down. I am ashamed of my
suspicions and I trust Brian to do the right thing for
Jason. Brian would be delighted if Jason were to
decide he could accept him in place of Arnold, but he
will do what needs to be done regardless of the
outcome. What a wonderful heart he has.

     I thought we were going to start but Brian has been
called to the phone, I think it is Uncle Jake. Jason will
not start without Brian as I think he is telling this story
to Brian, since he looks at him a lot while he is talking.
Brian has a lot of the family characteristics and has
hair like Arnold but he has a turned up nose like mine.
He is the same age as me, three years older than
Jason. He is not as tall as Arnold, but at 6' he is still a
lot bigger than Jason. He is broad like all the family
and he is very strong from years of farm work. Brian
has come back and we will proceed.
Dustin.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

     Coach would only let me do a light workout on the
Wednesday and he apologised to me for not being able
to get Harold and Fred suspended. He said that there
was just no evidence except my word against theirs,
and they denied they had touched me. He told me that
he had issued instructions for them to be watched by
every one of the team of volunteers and they would not
be allowed near me again.  Two of the Swimming Team
escorted me to the bus and waited until I got on.

     The same thing happened on Friday, but when I got
off the bus and crossed over to the Service Station
corner to catch the second bus I found Fred and
Harold waiting for me. They were really mad at me for
getting them into trouble and were sneering at me for
how easily they had got out of it. Then they decided I
needed another lesson and Fred held me while Harold
punched me in the stomach. Suddenly it sounded like
all hell had been let loose. Fred let me go and I fell
down, crying. There were screams and howls and the
sound of punches landing. Then there was someone
holding me and kissing me and crying. I opened my
eyes to make sure I was right, and I was, it was Arnold.
All the other sounds had stopped except for two
people sniffling. Arnold helped me to my feet and I saw
Harold and Fred lying on the ground. Dustin had his
foot on Fred and Peter had his foot on Harold.
Samantha and Robert were there too. Samantha is a
hockey player and she is big and strong and just the
right size for Dustin, they will get married some day
and their children will be huge just like their parents.
Samantha rushed over and knelt down, wrapping me in
a hug that knocked all the air out of me.

     "You poor little sweetie. I wish we had been quicker.
I gave them some really good punches for you. That's
it no one is going to get to you again. Someone's
going to drive you home after every practise. If they
don't I'll tell all their girlfriends to dump them."

     She kept her promise. A senior always drove me
home after practise on Wednesday and Friday. Dusty
drove me a lot but there were several others, and they
were all nice to me.

     Peter dragged Harold and Fred to their feet. "I
thought you two may have learned your lesson and I
was hoping you were apologising to Jason. It's my
fault that we allowed you to hit him. Arnold wanted us
to punch you out before Jason arrived but I was
stupid, I wanted to give you a second chance. I won't
give you another one. I'm issuing an order to the whole
group, if they see you in the same shopping mall as
Jason; they're to take you out. If they can see you and
they can see Jason, even if he's half a kilometre away
from you, they're to take you out. The only place you
can be nearer is at school, and you'll be watched every
minute you're there.  You're going to feel as hunted as
you've made Jason feel and it won't be an illusion."

     Samantha had let me go by this time, and I could
breath again. Fred and Harold were looking very much
the worse for wear and both of them had their hands in
their groin. I think it was Samantha who had done that
to them, I can't think a boy would be that spiteful.
Arnold put his arm around me and pulled me to him.
He pulled my head to his chest with his other hand and
then he laid his head on top of mine. I felt so loved and
safe and comfortable. I put my hand up and stroked
his cheek. I could feel that big beaming smile of his
crinkling his face. Suddenly he stiffened and lifted his
head. I turned my head and Fred and Harold were
walking down the road, the others were all watching
us, but they had smiles on their faces. Peter was the
one who spoke.

     "Never be ashamed of how you feel about Jason.
We all feel the same and we're glad that you're there
for him. No one is going to give you a hard time, and if
they do they're going to have all of us on their case. He
deserves all the love you can give him."

     I blushed to the roots of my hair and they all started
laughing. They dragged us over to the cars that were
parked in the back corner of the Service Station, and
Dustin drove me home.

     When we got home Dustin parked the car and they
all trooped in. Dustin apologised to mum for having let
Harold hit me and promised that I would be escorted
right home in future. He didn't tell mum what they had
done to Harold and Fred. Just then dad came in. He
had finished work a little early. He was introduced to
Samantha and they told him the story. As soon as they
had finished he came over to me and lifted my shirt to
examine the new bruise, he had his arms around me in
that cuddly way dad has and he was looking worried. I
told him not to worry and then I told him what they had
done to Harold and Fred and how Arnie had held me
and made me feel safe, and what Peter had said. I told
him that they had made me feel really loved and
protected because I now had some wonderful new
friends, especially Arnie.  Dad was looking at the
others so I looked too, and they had tears in their eyes.
I thought I was the only one who did that and it
surprised me. Arnie looked like he wanted to hold me,
and dad smiled and nodded to him. He came over and
wrapped his arms around me, and then he said.

     "Jason you are a beautiful little man. You love
everybody and you try to see the best even in scum
like Harold and Fred. People have only got to show
you the tiniest bit of kindness and you make them feel
as if they've given you the world. No wonder everyone
who's taken the trouble to get to know you has come
to love you. Justin thinks you're the most beautiful
person he's ever met and I think he's right. I want to be
your special friend forever, would you let me be that?"

     "Oh Arnie that would be wonderful, but I'm only
doing what Mum and Dad taught me to do."

      "My mum and dad taught me the same things but I
can't do it the way you do. I don't know anyone who
does it the way you do."

     Dustin came over, knelt down, and put his arms
around us. Samantha put her arms around us from the
other side.  Arnie never let me go and I put my arms
around his neck. Then Dustin looked up at dad and
asked him.

     "Mr Albemarle, do you mind if I ask Jason a few
questions?"

     "Go ahead Dustin! I think you've earned that right
by what you did for him today."

     "Jason, Arnold is a homosexual, do you know what
a homosexual is?"

     "Yes. Dad explained it to me. It's when a boy falls in
love with another boy instead of a girl. I asked him
because I think I might love Arnold that way. I'm not
sure but I know he's nicer than any of the girls at
school and I think I love him even more than I love
mum and dad and Justin."

     Arnold began to cry and he hugged me even tighter
and was kissing my cheeks and my eyes and my
forehead. It was strange but it was nice. My face was
all wet from his tears.

     "Do you know what Arnold meant when he asked
you if he could be your special friend forever?"

       "I think I do, but I'm not too sure what special
friends do. The kids at school keep talking about fags
and cocksuckers and dung punchers, but I don't really
know what they mean. I don't think I want to do the sex
things but I want to be with Arnie and if I ever want to
do sex things then I want to do them with Arnie."

     Arnie hugged me so tightly I could hardly breath
and he buried his face in my shoulder and began to
kiss my neck. Dustin spoke to him and he loosened his
grip so that I could breath.

     "Arnold, will you wait for Jason to be ready before
you experiment with sex? I know you're ready now but
Jason isn't and it may be hard for you to wait."

      "Dusty, I love him so much I'll wait for him forever.
Just knowing he loves me will be enough for me to
wank off to for years."

     "I think that's a bit of wishful thinking, but I'll hold
you to it."

     "Dusty I love Jason. I will never do anything to hurt
him. I feel so bad that we were not there in time to stop
them punching him and I'm angry at Peter for stopping
me."

     "You had better get a few things straight young
man. You have no right to be angry with Peter. We all
feel bad that Jason was hurt but he was right to give
them a second chance and you know that Jason
agrees with that. Besides there have been two good
things that have come out of it. Firstly, we have five
witnesses to their assault on Jason. They can never
claim innocence again and be believed. The second is
that we know Peter and Robert are as comfortable with
you being gay as your family is. Considering how they
already feel about Jason, I think they will treat him with
just as much respect and love when they find out
about him.  As to your never hurting Jason, that's just
wishful thinking. I love Sam just as much as you love
Jason, yet I've managed to hurt her several times. It
has never been deliberate, it's been because of
selfishness or thoughtlessness or ignorance, but I
have still hurt her. We're still together because we've
learned from our mistakes and we try never to repeat
them. Jason is going to have to forgive you, just as
Sam has had to forgive me, but you will have to admit
when you are wrong and ask for forgiveness. If you are
a big enough man to do that then you and Jason will
be together as long as Sam and I have been. Now say
goodbye to your boyfriend, it's time we were home."

     "Before we go."  Samantha interrupted. "Jason, no
one is silly enough to pick on Arnold if they realise he
is gay but they may pick on you. All my hockey team
has guessed that you are gay and they are all
comfortable about it. I've had a good talk with them all
so I know it's true. They have all agreed that you can
come to them if anyone is threatening you or making
you feel uncomfortable and I think it will be a case of
God help the poor silly fool who is responsible for it. If
you can't see one of the boys then come to us and we
will take care of it."

     Dad walked over and hugged Sam while mum
hugged Dustin, then they changed partners. Dad held
Dustin at arms length and looked him in the eye.

     "You handled that beautifully. Thank you for being
so thoughtful and gentle with him."

    "Mr Albemarle we all love Jason. Arnie was right;
everyone who takes the trouble to get to know him
can't help but love him. You must be wonderful
parents to have brought up a person as sweet and
forgiving as he is."

     Dad blushed a little bit. The others may not have
noticed but I did. He told mum afterwards that he was
amazed that a big, very hetro young man would
compliment him on raising a gay son. The best he had
hoped for was acceptance, but he had never expected
a compliment. Arnold was gently hugging me and
kissing me all this time and I decided to hug him back
and kiss him on the cheek and then on the nose, just
the way he had done to me.  I did it a few times, it felt
very nice and I liked it until he got carried away. He got
so excited and he hugged me so hard my ribs and all
my bruises started hurting again. Dustin roared at him.

     "Arnie! Put Jason down or you'll hurt him!"

     Arnie almost dropped me and he looked very guilty.

     "You have to be a lot more careful little brother. You
don't know your own strength and Jason is not made
of steel. Treat him a lot more gently or you'll do him
some damage."

     Arnie begged my forgiveness and I gave it to him.
Then they all said their goodbyes and left. As they
were going out the door Arnie said he would ring me
after tea. When they had gone mum came over to me
and cuddled me and gave me a great big smooch. She
was crying a little bit but she was smiling too.

     "My little lamb, you are a very lucky boy. You have
made some wonderful and loyal friends in those three.
It makes me very happy to know that if something did
happen to us then you would not be alone and you
would have people who loved you just as much as we
do. I have been afraid for some time that, in the
unlikely event of something happening to your father
and myself, you would be left on your own and you
would not be able to cope. Now that worry has been
lifted."

     I couldn't think of anything to say, so I gave her a
kiss and a hug and a great big smile.

     After dinner Arnie rang and asked me if I would like
to go over there for lunch on Saturday, since he had
told them we were boyfriends and they all wanted to
meet me. I asked dad if I could go and he said it would
be OK as long as I had finished my homework. I told
Arnie and said not to come too early since I had a lot
of things to do. I was finished and ready when he came
at noon. Mum had made me put on a matching outfit of
green shirt and shorts, she said it matched my eyes.
She also made me ring Justi to tell him I would be
going out. Justi was really happy when he heard I was
going over to meet Arnold's parents and I told him I
would give him the details of what happened on Friday
when I saw him, and tell him how the visit went.

     When Dustin pulled up at the Ratzinger's, the first
person I saw was Samantha running down the path to
meet us. She almost dragged me out of Arnold's arms
and swung me around like a rag doll.

      "They're going to love you Jasie. You look
absolutely adorable."

     Fortunately she put me down before all my stuffing
started coming out and Arnie and I walked up the path
arm in arm with Dusty and Sam arm in arm behind us.
When we got to the door I stopped dead. I felt
intimidated and insignificant. In the doorway was this
HUGE man. It was Horgan and you know how much
bigger than his parents he is. I was almost bursting
into tears with fright. Arnie stepped up to him and gave
him a shove.

     "Get out of the way Horgan. Go and sit down
somewhere you're frightening Jason."

     This monster ambled out of the way and plonked
himself down in a rocking chair. Arnie put his arms
around me and cuddled me and kissed me on the
cheek and made me feel better. Then he led me to the
kitchen and introduced me to his parents.  Pop took
one look at me and then a look at Arnie and his mouth
was hanging open.

     "He can't possibly be in your class. He looks like
he's only twelve, and a little twelve at that. Are you
sure he is nearly fifteen?"

     I felt like he had slapped me across the face. Arnie
started to go red and look angry but it was Sam who
got in first.

     "Don't you dare make fun of Jason!" She was
snarling like a lioness defending its cubs. "He can't
help his size and he's had enough of people making
fun of him. If you're going to make fun of him I'm
taking him home and I'm never coming here again."

     "David I'm ashamed of you!" Momma got into the
act. "I thought you had enough sense to keep you
mouth shut until you could say something intelligent.
Arnold and Dustin have told you what this poor boy
has been through and you open your mouth and add
to his hurt. I'm disgusted."

     Arnie had wrapped his arms around me and was
holding my head to his chest. He was rocking me
gently and I could feel his tears trickling down my hair.
I put my arms around him and hugged him back. Pop
knelt down and put his arms around us both.

     "I'm sorry Jason. I didn't mean to be rude. Your
Arnold's first boyfriend and I should have been more
accepting. Can you forgive me?"

     I nodded my head but I didn't lift my face from
Arnie's chest, I felt betrayed. Dustin and Arnold had
been so accepting that I expected their parents would
be the same, but this man was not. If it had been a
complete stranger I would have steeled myself for that
sort of comment. I could forgive him but I was not sure
if I could trust him.

     "David! Get out of the way. You really have no idea
how to treat people or what they need."

     Momma lifted me out of Arnold's arms and held me
like I was a little kid. She rubbed my back and made
shushing sounds in my ear.

     "You're safe here darling. I would never let anyone
hurt Arnold's boyfriend. These big lugs just have no
idea. They'll keep a civil tongue in their heads from
now on or they'll answer to me. Don't you worry we'll
all keep these two big fools from hurting you."

     I felt better. She felt just like mum, only a lot bigger.
I whispered in her ear.

     "Now I know where Arnie got his pretty hair from."

     She laughed and hugged me and swung around in a
big circle, she put me down next to Arnie.

     "Darling he is so sweet, you really did pick a good
one. You look after him or I'll be on you tail."

     Arnie was blushing. I think it is the only time I saw
him blush.

      "I will mum, he's my beautiful little man."

     "Take him and show him your room and where the
bathroom is. If I don't get some lunch on the table
soon you will all be complaining you're starving."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

      Brian says it is time for our lunch, Jason needs a
rest, so do I, this has been hard work. I am amazed that
he has gone this long without breaking down. It must
have something to do with the way Brian holds him
and looks into his eyes, as if he is hanging on every
word. I wouldn't be surprised if he was. I think he is
even more infatuated with Jason than Arnold was, if
that is possible.
Dustin.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi.
     Brian has taken Jason to the toilet. I am not game to
go and see if he wipes Jason's bum for him. I think the
real problem may be that Jason will not let Brian out of
his sight. Brian doesn't seem to baby Jason the way
Arnold did and all of us still tend to do, yet Jason
seems to cling to him as if he were afraid Brian is
going to vanish out of his life the way Arnold did. I do
hope Brian is going to be able to get him over that.
There is also the possibility that Jason is falling for
Brian. I am not game to pass judgement on that either
because it could just be dependence. I just have to
trust Brian to recognise what Jason needs and provide
it. No one else has had the success that Brian has had,
including the Psychologist, so no one is in a position
to criticize.

      I have to admit that Jason is improving as he is
telling Brian about his life with Arnold. It is almost as if
my writing this was the excuse he needed to tell
someone about it. I don't mind; I am willing to do
anything to help. There are flashes of the old Jason
beginning to come through. I am cautiously hopeful.
They are on their way back.
Dustin.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

     Arnie showed me his room and his awards and
sports trophies. He showed me the pull out bed he had
for when people stayed over, then he showed me
where the bathroom was. I was rather shy but I didn't
mind him watching out of the corner of his eye while I
had a piss. After all we all do that at school. Then we
had lunch. Horgan and Pop were pretty quiet at lunch
but the rest of us had a really good talk. Momma
served a lasagne in a giant baking tray and it didn't last
long. Then we had bread and olives and that sort of
stuff. Dusty was interested in my knowledge of
Science Fiction. He was a fan but he had not read
some of the authors that I had and I had to give him my
opinion of how they compared to people like Asimov,
whom he had read. I think I have read every author
who has ever written Science Fiction. He had not even
heard of some of them like Crowley, Aldiss and Van
Vogt. Samantha was more interested in Fantasy and
we got into a wild discussion over whether Anne Mc
Caffrey and Ursula Le Guin were Science Fiction or
Fantasy. Arnold was more interested in my swimming
and diving and momma was interested in everything
and joined in whenever she could get a word in
edgewise.  Lunch seemed to go on forever. We were
having so much fun no one wanted to leave the table.
Eventually momma chased us into the lounge so she
could get the washing up done and she told Pop to
leave us alone and help her.

     Arnie and I sat on the lounge and he put is arm
around me. Dusty and Sam sat on the floor and
cuddled and Horgan sat in the rocking chair. It was not
long before Horgan began to join in and I realised that
he was really a big softy like Dustin. He was still pretty
frightening because he is so huge, but I began to feel
more comfortable with him. Horgan went out to get
drinks for us all and I heard his loud comment to Pop
and Momma.

      "He might not be big but there's dynamite in that
little guy. Arnie has found himself a real purler for a
boyfriend."

      When he came back and handed the drinks around
he said to Arnold.

     "Hang on to him little brother. He's worth fighting
for. There's not another one like him in the world."

     "I know Horgan, and I can hardly believe he loves
me. It's just so much like a dream."

      Dustin chipped in from the other side of the room.
"It's not going to feel like a dream when you get into a
fight. There are still plenty of people who will see him
as an easy target and I can't always be there to help
you out, although I'll try."

     Arnie wanted me to stay the night but I said I hadn't
asked permission so I thought I should go home and
Dustin reminded him he had promised to go slow and
wait for me. Mum and dad wanted to know everything
and were pleased when I told them how nice momma
had been. Justin came over on Sunday and I told him
everything, including being frightened of Horgan. He
didn't believe he was as big as I said so I told him to
ask Arnold on Monday. His eyes bugged out when
Arnie told him he is 6'8" and has the same proportions
as Dustin. Arnie was the midget in that family, he
ended up being only 6'2".  Justin was pleased that
Arnie and I were now boyfriends and that things had
ended up so well with the Ratzingers.

     Things went pretty well from then on. Even when
the rumours about Arnie and I began to spread around
the school, the J Squad as the kids called them, just
ignored them and carried on as usual. They didn't
confirm them and they didn't deny them, they just
ignored them, even though at least half of them knew
the rumours were true. Justin said Joe and Willy asked
Mr Wallace if the rumour was true and Coach told them
to mind their own business and do the job they were
supposed to be doing. After swimming on that
Monday, Coach sent me in to get showered and kept
all the rest back. I couldn't hear properly over the noise
of the shower but Justi told me he told them that he
didn't care if I was bent like a corkscrew, I was one of
the best swimmers and the best diver he had had in
years. I was no threat to any one of them and if they
did not want to be added to the list of people for the J
Squad to watch then they had better keep their
opinions to themselves. Since half the Swim Team was
on the J Squad, there was no doubt which people he
intended as targets for his remarks.

     I asked dad and mum about sleeping over at
Ratzinger's and they said we should wait a few weeks.
They wanted Arnie to be able to sleep here as well.
They would buy a bed for Arnie to sleep in, since I only
had a single bed and there had never been any need
for a spare bed. Grandma and Grandpa live in the next
suburb so they never stay the night. Justi, Joseph and
Paul only live a few streets away and I had never
thought of inviting them to sleep the night. Angelo has
to be at home to help his dad with the shop.  A couple
of weeks later they took out my single bed and put in a
double bed. They said it would give me more space
than two single beds. It took me nearly a year before I
realised that they were trying to tell me they were OK
with the idea of Arnie and I having sex. From then on
we spent alternate Saturday nights at each other's
houses. It was in this bed that Arnie taught me how to
wank and a couple of months later we tried wanking
each other. I had never done it before and it was a
wonderful new experience for me.

     At first my cum was thin and watery but after a few
months it began to thicken up and look like Arnie's.
There wasn't very much of it but Arnie said it didn't
matter how much there was just as long as there was
some. He was so kind and loving that I never felt afraid
or embarrassed with Arnie. He never boasted about
how much he could shoot or how often he could cum
and he never made me feel as if there was anything
wrong with me. It wasn't until just before he died that I
realised I was very late in getting started and that I was
below average in every department.

      Mum took me to a specialist because I 'm so small.
He said it was too late to start me on hormone
treatment and I would just have to become a jockey. I
think he was just trying to be funny. Mum and dad feel
really bad about not realising sooner and taking me in
for treatment. I tried to tell them it was not their fault
and that I'm not unhappy, but they still feel guilty.
Arnie must have known, because he was pretty smart,
but he never let it make any difference to him. He was
so kind and gentle. I loved him so much, and now he's
gone.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi
   Jason is in tears and Brian is having trouble getting
him to calm down. I think it will be a while before we
can go on so I will put in a bit of my own.

     I had terrible trouble trying to keep Arnie from
pushing Jason to do things before he was ready. That
first nine months were a nightmare for me. Arnie had
real trouble in controlling his hormones and it seemed
like he wanked every few hours when he was home.
That is probably an exaggeration but I sometimes
wondered if he had it red raw or if he was going to pull
it right off. There is no doubt in my mind just how
much he loved Jason. He would sneak out in the
middle of the night and whack off in the bathroom, just
so that Jason would not be embarrassed by his lack of
need for much sex, or think he was not satisfying
Arnie. I had to remind him every week that Jason was
in charge of how quickly their sex lives progressed. It
finally began to settle down when Jason asked him
about sucking and they began to do that. It seems,
from what Arnie hinted, that Jason loved to suck him
and would do it half the night. I know there were many
Sundays and Mondays after that when Arnie never
even touched his cock. I am pretty sure that Jason had
sucked him dry the night before.  I make no apologies
for spying on them. I told Arnold right at the start that I
would hold him to his promise and I owed it to Jason
to do just that. Arnie knew what I was doing and why,
so he never resented it. In fact he thanked me, after his
eighteenth birthday party, for stopping him from
pushing Jason and probably ruining his chance at
happiness. Unfortunately he only lived a few more
months. He died two weeks before Jason's birthday,
and three days after the Swimming Carnival.

     I have no idea when, or even if, they experimented
with anal sex. I did see Jason walking a little oddly a
few times so I think they may have. If they did then
Arnold must have been very loving and very gentle
with Jason, because I saw no difference in his sunny
disposition and he still draped himself lovingly over
his "Big Beautiful Arnie".

     Brian thinks Jason may be ready to continue.
Dustin

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

     The Inter Schools Swimming Carnival was held at
the big Olympic pool in late October, just before my
birthday.  I did pretty well. I got a third in the 1600
meters and there were some big kids in the under 15s.
I got Gold in both the platform and springboard diving.
Coach was so excited he almost forgot he was one of
the officials but Rowland, who was almost as big as
Dustin, picked me up and carried me around the pool
on his shoulders. Arnie and Justi and Angelo were
sitting together in the stands, Justin's race had been
one of the early ones, and they were jumping up and
down and cheering. It felt very special that they were
all making such a fuss over me. When Rowland finally
took me into the change rooms, all the J Squad
hugged me and congratulated me. Peter came in and
told me that there was a special meeting of the J
Squad after school and I had to be there.

     A lot of the boys from the other schools were
curious about the way they were all guarding me so
some of those who were not in the J Squad told them
all about it. The boy who had come second in
springboard was allowed to come over and
congratulate me. He told me he was sorry to hear of all
the trouble I had been having and he was glad I had
such good friends. I told him that they had been
wonderful and that they were the reason I had
performed so well. After so many of them working so
hard to keep me safe, I just had to give my absolute
best to repay them. The J Squad chaired me out of the
change room and up to the stands for the finals and
the medal count. We won the meet by one bronze and
they all said it was my 1600 meters that had won it.

     They took me back to the school gym, Mr Wallace
had given Peter the key. He made them sit in the
stands at one end of the pool and he sat on one of the
starting blocks. He put me right down the front with
Arnie on one side and Dusty on the other. The hockey
team was right behind us. Then he gave an address,
which he must have spent hours preparing.

     "Today has been a victory for the whole J Squad.
Out aim was to keep Jason fit enough to compete in
this carnival. Not only did we achieve our aim, but
Jason repaid us with two gold and one bronze medal. I
called this meeting for two reasons. The first is to
thank you for your efforts and the Second is to get you
to think about the future.
     In five and a half weeks, school breaks up and
almost half this squad will not be returning next year. I
am worried about Jason's future at this school. Mr
Albemarle threatened to take Jason out of this school
if we could not be keep him safe. Who is going to keep
him safe next year? I will not be here next year to solve
the problem so it is up to those of you who are in year
eleven to make the hard decisions.  I think all of you
know that Jason is gay and Arnold is his boyfriend.
That is just another reason for bullies to pick on
Jason. Don't kid yourselves that the bullies have gone
away, they are still there just waiting for an
opportunity. If you want Jason to still be at this school
next year, to try to equal his effort today, then you
have got to form a new J Squad next year. You have to
solve the problem of how to get him home safely after
practise. Dustin and I will be at University so we
probably won't be available on a regular basis to drive
him home. In case you think we are being overly
protective, I will tell you that, earlier this year, two
bullies were waiting for him where he changes buses
and we were not quick enough to stop him getting hit,
so now we drive him home.
      This is now your problem and I will give you all the
help I can, but the first problem you have is how many
of you want to do it. It is hard work and a lot of
responsibility."

      Robert Hapgood stood up and walked over to
Peter. They talked for a minute in low voices then
Robert turned and told them to quieten down.

      "I am going to tell you something which you can't
talk about with anybody until it is officially announced.
I am breaking confidentiality by telling you this but I
think Jason's safety is important enough to risk doing
it. I have been chosen as School Captain for next year.

      As far as I am concerned the J Squad continues
next year. I know how much work Peter has had to put
in to keep things running smoothly and I am willing to
do the same. I don't expect my father will buy me a car,
but I am prepared to go with Jason and wait until he
has caught the second bus so that he will be safe. As I
see it, our biggest problem is how to recruit more
members. There will not be enough of us to watch out
for Jason, since we all have other commitments such
as our own sports practise. I will be willing to listen to
any suggestions but I think they can be left for today. It
is already late and most of you need to get home. I will
be available at lunchtimes for anyone who has any
ideas. Thank you for coming and thanks for your help.
By the way, in case you think Jason isn't grateful for
what we have done, he told the Swim Team that his
performance today had to be the absolute best he
could give to thank us for being his friends. Let's hear
it for Jason."

     They all cheered and whistled and clapped. It was
so loud I got embarrassed and blushed and hid my
face in Arnie's shirt. Dusty took us home and it was a
bit cramped in the back with Angelo, Justin, Arnie and
myself. I had to sit on Arnie's lap until we dropped
Angelo. Dad had just got in when we arrived and they
told him about my medals. Dad decided that there
would be a party for my Birthday, since it fell on a
Saturday and that it would also be a thankyou for the J
Squad and a celebration for my gold medals. I asked
him if he had really thought about how many people
that would be and he said he expected a hundred so
he would have to find a place to hold the party, since it
would be too noisy for our neighbours. He told Dustin,
Sam and Justi that they were to tell everyone to keep
that Saturday clear and that there would be no booze
and no drugs, but they were all invited. He would give
them the place and the time next week. When we told
the neighbours about the party they all insisted we
hold it at home. Our back yard is big enough, the
weather was good enough, it would save dad the cost
of hiring a hall and they would all be able to attend. So
we held it in the back yard. I think dad spent what he
saved on extra food and drink.

     Justin and I ran off invitations on the computer and
he delivered the ones to Joseph and Paul. We had
always had a little party for my birthday, since I was
10, but the only guests had been Paul, Joseph, Angelo
and Justin. This would be my first proper party. I gave
Justin the invitations for the cricketers, since he plays
cricket, Arnold and Dustin the ones for the footballers,
Angelo the ones for the Tennis players and Samantha
the ones for the Hocky players and the other girls. I
took the ones for the Swimmers. I told pop and
momma that I expected them to be there and they
could even bring Horgan if he was home. Horgan did
come and brought his fiancee Louise. I found out later
that he came over especially for the party. Louise is as
big as Samantha but she looks small alongside
Horgan. The party was a huge success, almost
everybody came and lots of them brought me birthday
presents even though the invitation said this wasn't
expected because this was a thank you party for them.
Horgan must make a lot of money in his job because
he gave me a real leather winter jacket that must have
cost hundreds of dollars; it has a zip out, real fur
lining. It still fits me I'll show it to you later. He said I
would need it when I went to watch Arnie play. Louise
gave me some Dubbin and a Polishing Kit so I could
keep it in good condition.

      Dad got a caterer who brings a big barbecue and
roasts about a quarter of a cow, and then they provide
cool drinks and tea and coffee. They had salads and all
sorts of nice things. There was trifle and cake and fruit
salad and icecream. Justin brought his new girlfriend.
He was early of course and knocked on the door just
as Arnie and I were having a cuddle. When I opened
the door she stepped out from behind him and he
introduced me to Angelica. I told him he was lucky
because he had the most beautiful girl in school for a
girlfriend. She laughed and hugged me and gave me a
kiss then she ran over to Arnie and gave him a hug.
She told Justin he was lucky to have such a cute friend
and told Arnie he was lucky to have me for a boyfriend
and she hoped he realised it. Arnie looked at her really
solemnly and told her I was " the most beautiful little
man in the world". Ever since that night she kisses me
and hugs me, even when we're in public, and Justi
doesn't seem to mind. She even did it in the queue for
the pictures when I made her laugh.

     There was only one incident that spoiled the night a
bit. Some of the girls had boyfriends from outside the
school and dad had given the OK for them to come.
Jessica, the girl who is Robert's girlfriend now, had a
boyfriend from the Grammar School. Half way through
the night they walked up just when Arnie was giving
me a hug and a kiss. This kid, I don't even know his
name, got very upset. He really sneered at us.

     "Your a pair of dirty fags! No wonder you're a
frightened little shit. How the hell did you manage to
fool all of these kids into helping you?"

     Jessica stood there in shock, with her mouth
opening and shutting, trying to speak but not being
able to get anything out. She was glaring at him.
Horgan stepped up behind him and lifted him off the
ground by his belt and his collar. He shook him a bit
and put him down.

     "I get very upset when people slag off at Jason. If
you don't like it what are you doing at his party? I think
you had better leave now before I do something you'll
regret."

     Jessica found her voice. "You're a rotten little shit.
You knew J man and Arnie were gay but you just
wanted to come to the party. Jason is my friend and I
don't give a damn if he's gay. Everyone in the J Squad
is comfortable with it you're the only one who's out of
step. I never want to see you again and I hope you rot
in hell."

     He looked pretty angry but no one with half a brain
would argue with Horgan so he was escorted out.
Horgan walked him down to the end of the street to
make sure he didn't damage any of the cars. Some of
the girls had their arms around Jessica, comforting
her. Some of the other boys from the Grammar School
came up and apologised for his behaviour. Arnie
hugged me and made me feel better. Fortunately dad
was inside so he did not see the incident, he might
have shut the party down if he had known. Mr Brown,
our neighbour from over the back fence, came over
and put his hand on our shoulders.

     "Just put it out of your mind and enjoy your friends'
company. There is always one who wants to spoil the
party. Don't let him get to you. You've got a hundred
friends here Jase, who all think your OK the way you
are concentrate on them and forget him."

     We did and we all had a wonderful party. It broke up
at around midnight. It took me all day Sunday to
unwrap all my presents, and mum made me write a list
so that I could thank them all and I wouldn't forget who
gave me what. Most of the boys gave me C.D.s and
most of the girls gave me clothes. I got some really
nice things and Arnie said they had all bought things
that made me look good. A lot of them were tight fitting
and I would never have thought to buy something like
a green tank top with gold sparkly bits in it but mum,
Arnie and momma all said I looked good in it.
Someone else had bought me a pair of tight fitting
pants that matched and when I wore them to the end of
year dance a lot of the boys and all the girls gave me
cat calls and whistles. Angelica said I looked gorgeous
and Samantha said I was trying to win all their
boyfriends away from them.  I got upset at that and
told her I only wanted Arnie and I was going home. She
calmed me down and assured me that she didn't
intend it in a mean sense; it was just that I looked so
nice that I was prettier than some of the girls. Arnold
had to give me a cuddle in front of the whole school
before I calmed down enough to stay. While he was
doing that just about the whole J Squad surrounded us
and watched the rest of the kids to see if anyone was
going to complain. No one did. Later on I found out
that Mr Wallace and Mr Mills were watching them too,
from the other end of the hall. Angelica got me up to
dance a lot of dances with her when Justin was
exhausted and Sam wanted me to dance with her but I
told her I didn't want Dusty to think I was stealing his
girl and she just laughed and said he would love it. I
think he did because he smiled at us a lot when we
were dancing. A lot of other girls wanted me to dance
with them and I was pooped by the end of the night.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brian thinks it is time for a break and that we should all
go for a walk before dinner to clear our heads and give
us an appetite.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

     Hi
What a walk, and what a dinner. Jason has hardly been
out of the house for three months and has done no
exercise either. He got tired less than half way through
our walk and we were going to turn around and bring
him back. He wanted to go on and was frustrated at
getting tired so easily. Brian decided that we could
complete our intended rout, which was to walk entirely
around the boundaries of Conlon Walk, which is a tiny
area of the suburb. The way we could do it was simple,
he would carry Jason on his shoulders until he felt
tired and then I would carry him. Jason loved it and he
actually laughed. It is the first laugh I have heard since
Arnie died. I was rapt, we were making him laugh again
there was no way I was going to spoil that. I was so
happy that I wouldn't give him back to Brian when he
thought I was getting tired. I told him that he had done
so much for our Jasie that it was my turn to go the
extra mile. He looked a bit annoyed. I am a bit slow at
times, I didn't realise until we were home that he
probably loved the feel of Jason being on his
shoulders since he is in love with Jason. I will
apologise to him later.

     Why am I writing and Jason is not speaking?
Simple, he fell asleep after dinner and he had a smile
on his face, he was remembering good things and no
one is going to interfere with that by waking him up.
He has not smiled since October, and it is now the end
of February, no one dares to interfere. Brian is sitting
beside him with that stupid, indulgent smile that lovers
and parents seem to get on their faces, and waiting for
him to wake. He told the Albemarle's that Jason might
get a shock when he wakes and finds he has been
dreaming, and he wants to be there to prevent any bad
reactions.

     Mrs Albemarle cooked us a wonderful dinner and
Jason actually ate it without Brian having to force him,
another first. When Jason fell asleep I wanted to help
with the washing up but the Albemarle's chased me
out, saying that this was the only way they were
allowed to repay Brian and I for all we were doing for
Jason and I was not going to rob them of that. Mrs
Albemarle was crying over the sink and he was not
much better. He looked as if he would burst into tears
at a moment's notice. It was the hope and relief in their
faces and their voices that gave me the hint I ought to
get out of the way and let them celebrate the tiny
victory we have had tonight. There is still a long way to
go.

     I have just been down to see if Jason is awake, and
found him sobbing on Brian's shoulder. There was a
real look of hope on Brian's face, mixed up with that
stupid smile. Jason is not holding himself so rigidly
and he doesn't sound so bitter. We may have a
breakthrough. I have e-mailed or rung everyone and I
have told Peter to organise people to take notes for me
at Uni. I am not going home until I feel that we have
gone as far as we can go.
Dustin.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi
   We didn't do any more last night, but it was worth the
wait. This morning Jason is snuggling into Brian the
way he used to snuggle into Arnie, or me or Samantha.
It is his way of saying "I trust you not to hurt me".
Brian looks as if he has just won a Lotto Jackpot prize.
Jason is ready and this may open the floodgates. I
pray it does.
Dustin.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

      The J Squad did re-form the next year and there
were plenty of kids who were keen to join it. There
were even some from our classes. One of them told me
it was like joining one of those Fraternity things they
have in the U.S.A. He also said that Robert interviewed
everyone who wanted to become an official member
and made sure they were comfortable with Arnie and I
being gay. One of the side benefits of the J Squad was
that bullying in our school was almost nonexistent.
They were watched so closely they were afraid to do
anything.

     Christmas was wonderful since we had two
Christmases, one here and one at Ratzinger's. We had
all of them here for Christmas Day then we went over
there for Boxing Day. Mum and dad and momma and
pop got on like a house on fire. Horgan was there
alone because Louise's parents hadn't invited him and
he and Dustin played catch with me. I was the ball.
They threw me back and forth for a couple of minutes
and Arnie could only lie on the floor and laugh.
Momma came in and grabbed me off them telling them
they were more dangerous than Arnie and if they did
not behave they would get no more to drink. She didn't
look angry because she had a little smile. She cuddled
me, so I cuddled her and gave her a kiss, and then she
put me down next to Arnie.

     The holidays were the best time I had ever had. I
still had Justi and Angela, Paul, Joseph and Angelo
but now I had Dusty and Sam and Arnie. We went all
sorts of places I had never been. I never felt afraid. Not
even once. Everywhere I went Arnie went with me and
when Dusty was not there we had Justin and Angela or
Paul and Joseph. Even the shopping centre was fun
because we would often run into some of the J Squad
and then we would have a sort of street party. One day
we all invaded Mr Dellabosca's Deli and Milk Bar. His is
the only milk bar left in town. I think he keeps it that
way because that's the way his dad had it. While he
and Angelo were getting our sandwiches and
milkshakes he told them how painfully shy I used to
be. If mum sent me down there to buy something, he
had to get Angelo to come around from behind the
counter, and let me whisper my order in his ear. That
was how Angelo and I became friends.  I was a bit sad
when the holidays ended as it was the first time I can
ever remember when being out of school was so much
fun.

     The next year was harder. We were studying for the
year 10 exams and I was trying to learn everything the
Coach could teach me about diving. Arnie and Justin
were in a lot of my classes every day and so were
Angelica and Angelo. I think there was at least one of
them in every class I had.

      Just after you went home from your last visit, in
August, University was playing West's in the Semi
final. Sam, Arnie and I went down to watch Dustin and
Peter play. Peter was reserve winger and Dustin was a
forward. Sam went down to the fence to be closer to
the action and Arnie went to the toilet. I stayed to keep
our seats. There were not many benches on that side
of the ground. This group of six boys wandered up and
I was trying to watch the game around them. They
didn't seem to be very interested in the game. One of
them said to the others.

     "Look at that little cock sucking poofter sizing us
up. Let's get him."

      The next thing I knew they were punching and
kicking the shit out of me. I fell off the bench and hit
my head. Just before I passed out I could hear Arnie
screaming.

     "Sam! Jason!"

     I came to for a few seconds and I saw Arnie
standing over me swinging wildly and Samantha was
wading in from their back. This huge shadow loomed
up from one side and then I blacked out again. There
are some vague impressions in my mind but I really
can't remember anything until I woke up in hospital.
When I came to, mum was sitting there and I could see
she had been crying. As soon as she saw I was awake
she broke out into a smile and called the nurse. Nurse
checked my pulse and gave me some ice for my dry
throat and lips, and then she went to call a doctor.
There was a 'phone beside my bed and mum called
dad at work and told him I was awake. She asked him
to call everyone on the list and tell them. She would
call him back as soon as she had more news. Since
dad is the Chief Accountant, I suppose he can get
away with doing things like that.  I asked mum what I
was doing in a private room and she said they had
paid insurance for enough years to just about buy the
room. I tried to laugh and my ribs hurt so I stopped.

     The doctor came in and it was Dr. Jennings from
down our street. He was very nice. I didn't know him
very well but at least he wasn't a stranger. He sent
mum and the nurse out of the room and removed the
catheter thing from my dick himself. He told them that
he thought a young man should have some privacy for
that sort of thing. Mum told me I got special treatment
from him, not just that time but whenever he was on
duty. He checked everything was working properly and
told me that my right arm would be stiff for a while,
since it was badly bruised and that I had broken ribs
and a broken left leg. I hadn't even noticed that I had a
cast on until then. Then he told me I had a fractured
skull and this was the most serious injury. If I had
blurry vision or headaches or felt giddy, I was to tell
the nurse immediately. He told the nurse I could have
some soup and icecream for lunch and left.

     Mum started telling me what she knew about what
had happened. She said there had been four of the
boys in the hospital with me and that Horgan was
facing assault charges. It was his shadow I had seen
just before I blacked out.  The first boy he reached was
the one who had broken my leg. He had jumped on it
with both feet. Horgan had picked him up and whirled
him around his head before throwing him down the
bank. The next one he broke all the ribs on one side
with just one punch, puncturing his lung.  Arnie had
one occupied and Sam had another in a headlock, she
had kneed him in the balls and was pulling his hair out.
Horgan grabbed the other two by the neck and banged
their heads together. They both had fractured skulls.
Horgan swore that the two things, which saved me
from more serious injury, were, the fact that I was
wearing my leather coat and Arnie standing over me
so they couldn't get a clear hit at me. Arnie had been
pretty battered but nothing had been broken. Horgan
was lucky. When the parents of the boys found out
what the fight had really been over and that I was in
hospital in a coma, they refused to lay charges and the
police case collapsed without any witnesses or
complainants.

      I told mum I didn't know Horgan had been there
and she said he and Louise had come late and that
they were sitting further around the ground because
they couldn't see us. Horgan had heard Arnie's scream
and had seen him running, so he knew where we were.

     You should have seen the flowers I got. There was a
huge one from dad's work and it arrived just as they
were collecting the lunch trays. Before they allowed
visitors in, I had so many the place looked like a
nursery. There was one just from the accounts
department. Dad got tears in his eyes when he saw
their card. It was very beautiful. Mr Pettigrew, dad's
boss, sent his own. Samantha sent some and Horgan
and Louise sent another huge bunch. Momma and Pop
sent one. There was one from the University Football
Association, and one from Angelo's family. The next
day even more came in and I can't remember who they
were all from. Next morning, when Dr Jennings came
in to check on me, he laughed and said it was just as
well I didn't suffer from hay fever.

     Arnie looked awful. They all came over as soon as
visitors were allowed. Dad had told them it was alright
for them to visit but he asked the others to wait a day
or two until I was stronger. Arnie burst into tears as
soon as he saw me. He didn't try to hug me he just
held my hand in his and gently caressed my face with
the other hand.

     "I've been so worried. I thought they had killed you.
You've been in a coma for five days and I thought, for
sure, that you weren't coming back. They all tried to
tell me that you would but I was sure they were wrong.
I've missed you so much Jasie."

     "What about you Arnie? If you look this bad after
five days then you must have looked awful when they
did it. I remember seeing you for just a second,
standing over me with five boys all punching you.
Maybe it's just as well I wasn't awake or I would have
been worrying myself sick about you."

     "Oh Jasie! Jasie I love you so much."

     Then he was crying again and kissing me ever so
softly, all over my face and my hand. Mum and dad and
momma and pop and Dustin had just stood there
quietly, watching. I kissed him back whenever he held
still long enough for me to do it.

     "Arnie, I know just how much you love me. It took
an awful lot of guts to stand up to six boys and take
the belting they were going to give me."

     "Yes son. You're right. Arnold, if you hadn't stood
over Jason he would be dead. If they had given him the
pasting that they gave you, on top of what they'd
already done, he would never have survived. You have
my love and gratitude forever. Without you I wouldn't
have a son."

     Dad walked around the bed and pulled Arnie into a
bear hug. He kissed him on the forehead several times
and every time he did he said "Thank you". I could see
the tears trickling down dad's cheek. Everyone in the
room seemed to be snuffling and whiffling and blowing
their noses.

      The night nurse came in and told them she thought
I was getting overtired and that they should leave
soon. Arnie didn't want to go and pop was getting a bit
annoyed with him but the night nurse was wonderful.
When Arnie told them they just didn't understand she
put her arm around his shoulder and told him that she
did understand. Her grandson was gay and she knew
how much he wanted to be with his boyfriend, but it
was better for me if Arnie went home and had some
sleep and came back tomorrow with a big smile on his
face. She would be there with me all night and she
would look after me because she knew how special I
was to Arnie. He cried all over her uniform but he was
smiling when he went home.

      Dr. Jennings said he wanted me out of the hospital
as soon as possible. He had seen what my birthday
party had been like and he didn't want the hospital
invaded by the J Squad, they wouldn't be able to cope
with a crowd that size. I think he guessed that I would
be happier at home where I could be with Arnie. I didn't
ask him how he knew they were called the J Squad.

     Mum and Arnie came as soon as they were allowed.
Dr Jennings was still examining me but he told mum
that if I continued to improve the way I was going then
I could go home tomorrow after lunch. If I needed
anything, he was just down the street. Mum was so
happy that she rang dad straight away. Arnie said the
doctor had let him off school until Monday and he
intended to spend all his time with me. Mum didn't say
a word, so she must have been happy with the idea.
She had this lovely smile on her face the whole time.
They went home and I had a sleep but they were back
in the afternoon and momma was with them. That
night, dad and pop and Dusty and Sam came as well.
What with all the extra flowers that came and all those
people, my room was pretty crowded. Arnie pulled a
chair right up by my head and everyone else had to go
around the other side to give me a kiss and a hug.

     The next day Dr. Jennings said I could go home if I
was careful. He told mum that I could not get overtired
and that I could get up for meals but that I should rest
for at least another week. He would come up and look
at me in a week's time and that she knew where to
contact him if she had any worries. He told her he
knew I would be getting loads of visitors and not to let
them stay too long. Mum rang dad and pop and took
Arnie with her to get things ready at home. Dr. got the
nurse to show me how to use the crutches but said he
did not think I would be strong enough to use them to
go to school for two weeks at least.

     After lunch there was a convoy, dad and mum, pop
and momma and Arnie. They had three cars and they
needed them for all the flowers. Mr Pettigrew must
really like dad because he let him leave early to bring
me home and told him he was to come in late when I
went back to school and he was to drive me in, every
day, until I could walk properly. Pop can take time off
whenever he wants, since he owns the business. Pop
decided that I would be more comfortable in the front
of his Cherokee as there was more room for the cast
on my leg. Pop was the one who took me to school
until the plaster came off. He and Arnie would lift me in
and out of it as if I were a bit of Balsa wood.

     When we got home, the first thing I wanted was a
shower and clean pyjamas and then a lie down. There
was a bit of an argument to see who would help me.
Everyone wanted to get into the act. Finally it was
decided that dad would show Arnie what to do since
they would be the ones most likely to be helping me. It
was a bit of a squash in the bathroom but Arnie never
hesitated, he took his clothes off while dad was
helping me, and helped dad put the plastic over my
cast to keep it dry. Then he got into the shower with
me and helped me wash and stopped me from falling.
Boy, did that shower feel good. What with Arnie
washing me, and not having played with myself for
nearly two weeks, I got hard, and I was embarrassed
when dad came back with my clean pyjamas and saw
my dick standing up like a flag pole. He smiled at me
and told me it was OK and that he would wait outside
the door until Arnie called him, so that Arnie could
help me fix the problem, but we should turn off the
water so that it didn't run cold. My dick was sore from
having the catheter in it and it didn't feel nice to rub it,
so Arnie said he knew another way. He sat me on the
toilet so I wouldn't fall and he took my dick in his
mouth. I had heard of sucking but I had no idea what it
was. I soon found out. It was fantastic; I had never had
anything like it. I think I saw stars and I must have
made a lot of noise, because when dad came in he was
grinning from ear to ear and Arnie had this really
proud grin on his face. I think he swallowed my cum
but I was too far out of it to really know. Dad patted
him on the back and told him to hurry up and finish
washing me so that I could have a sleep.

     They called pop to carry me to the lounge room. I
was getting tired and Arnie was afraid he would drop
me. Mum had made up this arrangement of pillows and
blankets so that I was half propped up, but I was lovely
and warm. When I woke up, I was, sort of, cradled in
Arnie's arm, with my head on a pillow. There were all
sorts of people there. Justi and Angelica, Paul and
Joseph. Dustin and Samantha were in the kitchen with
mum, and Peter and William Pettigrew were sitting by
the heater, talking softly. Arnie told them all I was
awake by giving me a soft kiss, right on my lips and
saying.

     "Welcome back beautiful. Did you have a nice
sleep?"

    I smiled at him, his eyes were so beautiful, I
managed to stroke his face even though my arm was
very stiff, and he got that beaming smile he had. The
girls gave me kisses and hugs and Justi and Dusty
gave me a hug too. They were careful not to hurt my
ribs. Peter and Dusty introduced me to William
Pettigrew. It was funny how he knew about me but had
no idea that my dad was his dad's chief accountant
until I was in hospital.

     William knew Horgan because he was another
footballer. He wasn't good enough to play any higher
than reserves but Horgan had been in his last year
when William was in his first. He is a year older than
Dusty and Peter.  Horgan had taken him under his
wing and taught him a lot about football tactics. Peter
and he were both doing Business Administration at
Uni and had the same tutor, so William had become
friends with Peter. Peter had introduced him to Dustin
and then he found out that Horgan was Dustin's
brother. Of course he had asked about Arnold because
Horgan had doted on his youngest brother and was
always talking about him. That's how he knew about
me and about the J Squad. He just never realised that I
was dad's son. He had known dad since he was a little
kid. The three boys and Angelica had to go home but
the others stayed. William wanted to surprise dad.

      When dad came in he got a big shock. William was
still here and dad didn't even know he knew our
address. They all explained how they came to be
friends and William told them that dad had been his
"Unki Abbi" when he was little and his dad used to
take him to work. He told them that he could still
remember dad telling him that he had a new baby now
and it was a little boy like him. He felt he had known
me all his life even though we had just met, because
he had watched the photos on dads desk change
regularly as I grew. Dad was a bit flustered at him
being in our house, since he was the boss's son but
William told him not to be silly, to him he would always
be his "Unki Abbi" and his dad knew it.

      Arnie sat through the whole afternoon, and the
whole weekend, not saying much but smiling a lot,
especially when people said nice things to me. He got
me drinks and kept tucking the blankets around me,
and holding my hand, and kissing me. Nobody took
any notice, it was just as if they thought it was the
most natural thing in the world. Even William behaved
as if it was normal, and he had never seen us before
then. Mum chased them all off home and said dinner
would be ready soon. Arnie helped me to the toilet and
held me steady while I washed my hands. Just that
little bit of walking made me tired and achy. Mum gave
me a couple of tablets with codeine them and they
knocked me right out. Dad and Arnie just managed to
get me to bed before I was out like a light.

     Over the weekend we had a continual procession of
visitors. Dr Jennings was right and they would have
been out in the corridor if I had still been in hospital. I
fell asleep a lot but no one seemed to mind. I would
talk to some people and then I would doze off. When I
woke up there would be a new batch of people. Mum
would not let them stay too long, telling them that they
would be able to stay longer when I was stronger.
Arnie had a chair right by my head and he never left
my side the whole weekend. Every time I woke up he
would do the same thing and it was really sweet. He
would kiss me very gently and say.

     "Have a nice sleep my beautiful little man?"

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Hi
Jason is beginning to lose it and he is getting tired.
Brian says it is time for lunch and a good long break. I
don't know what has happened, but I never expected
Jason to get this far without a stop, especially talking
about the fight and the hospital.  Whatever happened
yesterday must have been good.
Dustin.

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Hi
After lunch William Pettigrew came over to see Jase.
He sat out in the back yard with us and just chatted
while Jason cuddled up to Brian. He is managing one
of his father's subsidiary companies as work
experience. We left them enjoying the sun and I
showed Will out. He told Mrs Albemarle and I that he
wanted to talk about Jason's future, when he's
recovered. Jasie has no TEE score because he did not
sit the exams and he will need to do another year
before he is eligible to sit for them again. Brian says
that he would like Jase to learn accountancy at Tech.
He says that if he is as good as "Unki Abbi" then he
wants him as his Chief Accountant when Mr Albemarle
retires.  Mrs Albemarle said that he was good at maths
but not as brilliant as his father.  Will told her that the
sort of work he would do needed someone who could
look at the figures and interpret what they meant.
There were computers and bookkeepers for crunching
figures but the Chief Accountant had to be able to see
past the simple numbers and to think laterally. "Unki
Abbi" was brilliant at this and he thought Jason would
be just as good. He left it as an idea for us to consider.
Personally I think he is right, I sometimes feel that
Jason can think "around corners" and most of the time
his conclusions are right.

     Brian and Jason are coming and Jason sounds
more relaxed than he has been for months.
Dustin.

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       I wasn't able to swim until a few weeks before the
Carnival but my leg got strong enough for me to dive.
It still got tired fairly quickly and so did I but I managed
to compete and got a Gold in the Tower and a Silver in
the Springboard. The boy who got silver the year
before beat me.

     The J Squad had treated me like royalty since I got
back to school, and they had an impromptu party in
the stands when the results were announced. Coach
told me I was unbelievable. He had thought it would be
impossible for me to compete when he heard of my
injuries, but I had given the school two medals despite
that. Did I tell you that they carried me around the
school for weeks? It's too hard to use a wheelchair in
that school because of all the steps so I just used
crutches. I used to get tired before lunchtime and
found it hard to use the crutches so they just picked
me up and carried me. They carried me to lunch and
they carried me whenever I had to change classrooms.
Even after the plaster came off, if I got tired they
carried me. Arnie used to run in front carrying my
crutches and chasing kids out of the way. It was very
funny and everyone used to laugh. The teachers were
OK with it and never gave the J Squad a hard time if
they were late. That's why I just had to win some
medals for them.

     Arnie used to spend all weekend here while I was in
plaster and even when it came off we still spent the
weekend together. I had to do my homework on Friday
night or dad would not let me go. Momma or Pop
would come and get me on Saturday morning, and
they bought a double bed for Arnie.  When my bruises
had gone I wanted to return the favour to Arnie
because he always sucked me when he realised how
much I liked it and he would not let me suck him until I
was well. He was just so kind to me Brian, he was so
loving and so gentle. He was just like you.

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Hi
I thought we were in for another break but Jason is
managing to go on even though he is crying.
Dustin.

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     What am I going to do Brian? I killed my Arnie. If I
hadn't told him I wanted that shirt he wouldn't have
gone into town to try and find it. It was only a silly
birthday present and I lost my Arnie. I killed my lovely
man over a silly shirt. I deserve to die. I've hurt Momma
and Pop and Dusty and Horgan. I've taken my lovely
Arnie away from them. Why did it have to be him? Why
couldn't it have been me?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi
I couldn't write any more I just had to stop. I was
crying as much as Jason and I couldn't see the
keyboard.

      We have spent hours trying to calm him down. At
least we know what the real problem is and now we
can work on it. When I came up, Brian was hugging
Jasie from one side and Mr Albemarle was hugging
him and Brian from the other. They were trying to get
him to see that it was not his fault. It was an accident.
If anyone was to blame it was the car driver and that
Jasie and Arnie had done nothing to cause it.

     Will Pettigrew is sitting with an arm around Mrs
Albemarle, trying to comfort her. When she rang to ask
if her husband could come home, Mr Pettigrew told
Will to drive him home and not to come back until
everything possible had been done. They must think
an awful lot of Mr Albemarle.

     I have no idea if we will ever finish this account and
it really doesn't matter. Jason has let us in to his real
grief and now he can begin to heal. I have rung mum
and dad to tell them. They will be over as soon as I tell
them that the time is right, just to tell Jason the same
thing. No one blames Jasie or Arnie, they did nothing
wrong. He is not responsible for Arnie's death, it was
just fate. Mum said she would ring Horgan tonight and
tell him. He is at a conference in Adelaide.
Dustin.

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     Hi
What a few days. Brian told me to stay here in case he
needed me. Jason has been in and out of depression
like a yoyo and Mr Albemarle has not been to work.
Will has called in to visit every day and told him that he
was not to come to work while Jason needed him so
much.  He told him the office could manage without
him for a week or two and that his father would be
angry if he thought he was neglecting Jason. Everyone
knew how important Jason was to him.

     On top of all that, Uncle Jake rang and told dad that
he wanted Brian home and that dad should order him
to stop playing with his little queer friend and get back
home immediately. I was home getting some clean
clothes and I could see dad's face. I thought he was
going to blow a blood vessel.  Dad was very controlled
and asked him why he needed Brian so urgently when
harvest was over and seeding was months away.  He
put the speaker on so mum and I could hear him.
Uncle Jake said he didn't want Brian infected with all
that queer shit and he should never have given
permission for him to come. Now Brian was defying
him and refusing to come home because Jason
needed him. He wanted him home so he could get this
stupidity out of his system.

     Dad went ballistic. He abused Uncle Jake every way
he could think of. He told him he had better get used to
the idea of his son being gay because we had known
he was for years. He told him that Brian was born that
way, just as Arnold had been, and there was nothing
anyone could do about it. Then he said that he would
be happy to have Brian and he intended to tell Brian
that he would give him a job and that he could live with
us and there was never any need for him to go home
and live with such a stupid, homophobic old fool. Then
he slammed down the 'phone.

     We all came over and told Brian what the score was.
He looked relieved when dad told him he could live
with us and then Mr Albemarle chipped in and told him
he could live here for as long as he wanted. I think he
is getting the same message from Jason that I am
getting. When Jason is not in depression he is treating
Brian the same way he treated Arnold, when he first
met him. He will look into his eyes and stroke his
cheek and then he will get all shy and do something
else. I think Brian floats about a foot off the floor
whenever he does that.

     I think the healing is well under way and that Jason
will never need to finish this, so I will print it out and
take it home just to remember my little brother by. I
may not have loved him in the same way Jasie did, but
I loved him just as much, and I think Horgan will be
helped if he reads this.
Dustin.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi
It has been nine months since I wrote this and I
decided that I should finish the story, just for my own
record.

     Where to start? Horgan has read this and he cried
all the way through, but he said it helped him and he
was glad to have read it. Brian and Jason are a couple
and live at the Albemarle's, but this is their second
home and they often stay the night and sleep in Arnie's
old bed. Now her Jasie is happy again, Samantha is all
over him like a rash. Sam and I are getting married in
March next year. Horgan and Louise are going to have
a baby girl and mum and dad are delighted with the
way things have turned out. They have not adopted
Brian but they might as well have because that's the
way they treat him and they treat Jase just the same as
they treated him when Arnold was alive.

     The Pettigrew's persuaded Jason and his father that
he should take Accountancy and he loves it. They even
hired a tutor to help him catch up on any work he
missed at the end of last year and the first few months
of this one. It took that long for him to be able to
function independently again. The Pettigrew's must be
able to pull some pretty big strings because Jason
started Tech in term two and that is unheard of. Dad
put Brian on, as foreman of one of the outdoor crews
and his crew has become the best dad has. He uses
Brian for all the really important jobs.

      Almost all the J Squad still keep in touch with each
other and they are always eager for news of Jason.
There was an impromptu party at Peter's place the day
I told them Jason had told Brian that he thought he
loved him the same way he loved Arnie. We almost had
to tie a string on Brian to keep him on the ground for
several days after that. Justin and Angelica have
almost super glued themselves to Brian and Jason.
Sam and I have real trouble prying them apart if we
want to go somewhere with just our boys.

      Who knows what the future holds but if any gay
marriage can last, then I think Brian and Jason will be
together forever. They not only love each other but
they trust each other without reservation and they are
absolutely committed to making it work. That is how
Sam and I feel and we know from our parents that it is
the way they have made their marriage work.

     If Arnie is up there looking down then he must be
very happy that his "Beautiful Little Man" is once more
wrapped in the arms of someone who loves and
cherishes him just the way Arnie did.
Dustin.

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