Date: Sun, 21 Sep 2003 23:58:02 +0200
From: Jason <thap@ananzi.co.za>
Subject: Jay to Jay 3

THIS IS A STORY ABOUT TWO BOYS WHO FALL IN LOVE. IF THIS IS OFFENSIVE TO YOU,
USE YOUR BACK BUTTON OR GO AWAY. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, C2003

Preface:
Chapter 3

I'm starting this preface way before the chapter is done.  It may be a
little bit long, and I apologise if this aspect of my story bothers you,
but somehow it just feels better when I can type my feelings to the world
rather than say it to those part of my real life, if even say it at all.

It's June 12th 2003, the 15th is Father's Day.  I am kinda sad, tears
welling up in my eyes.  The time is 4:40am and my room is cold and dark
inside.  David is sleeping soundly behind me.  Tightly clutching a dark
blue pillow, his usual position.  Why am I typing this?

Two factors.  Disbelief in my happiness of having David, although that
comes from reading "Carrots and Celery" by Karla Schulz.  You should read
that, because it is a very special story and you never stop reading.
Unlike me, Karla does well with posting regular chapters.  Do yourself a
favour and find her story.

However, I wanted to start typing this chapter because I heard some woman
phone into the local radio station to dedicate a song to her father for
father's day coming up.  Father's day...

(O.K, so now I just want to play "K's Choice: Dad")

On Sunday I decided to finally take the plunge, and finally let it through
to my dad that I am gay.  One of the hardest hurdles in my life, so tough
that I didn't even do it myself, I greeted him and ran away -- my mother
had to tell him for me.  Since then he hasn't really spoken to me.  It
crushes me more than I thought it would.  It hurts me that my father can't
find it in his heart (right now) to be proud of me just because I'm gay.
Suddenly the word "father" cuts me a whole lot deeper than I ever
anticipated.

My brothers are convinced he just needs time.  And I agree with them.  But
now that father's day is coming up, and everyone is talking about it, it's
so commercialised that you can't hide from it.  It hurts.  It hurts because
I don't know if my father wants to know me anymore.  I don't know how long.
I don't know if he'll ever accept me or love me for who I am.  Fortunately
where I live there are no fathers.  Not living here.  Yet knowing what
really is out there, it hurts.  I love my dad, and somehow inside me I
didn't want to ever disappoint him.  I've spent the last two years of my
life working harder than ever to make him proud, to make up for this -- the
fact that I'm gay.  I don't know whether the pain or the anger is worse?

I can't tell my dad how I feel.  I can't tell him that I want to cry.  But
I do.  The pain is real.  The pain has thrown me so off balance, that I've
gone and done typical Jason things, getting irritated, shutting down, going
quiet.  I'm hurting people and I'm hurting myself.  David is special, he
puts up with it.  He is the only good part of my life.  This pain however
cuts out my perspective on life.  It takes away my ability to see clearly.
Instead all I can think about is "no future".

Coming out to my dad was a tough decision.  I'm glad I did.  Its one big
hurdle crossed.  God, I wish it was easier though, and for those who have
had/will have it harder than me, my prayers, thoughts and tears are with
you.  David is incredible.  The day I told my father we evidently had to
fetch my stepfather at the airport.  Consequently my father was informed at
the airport (no need to explain the details, that's just how it was.)  In
the moments waiting for my father to get to the airport, David nearly
fainted from nervousness.  That to me was like so very deeply touching, he
cared so much that it affected him, both emotionally and physically.  To
make it better, David needing me to be strong for him to revive him gave me
the energy I needed not to fall too deep into self-pity.  I only hit the
same state as David was in earlier when my mother, brother and I were
walking to find my father in the airport parking terminal.

I broke down then to a level where I clung to my mother like a leach, the
worst look of fear must have been on my face, by the looks other people
were giving me.  My father took it with silence.  The only thing he told me
at the airport was we must talk, but that bad kind of "we must talk" not
that good sounding "we should talk".

Before this preface gets way too long, I need only to say good bye.  For
now.  David is in that bed, and I need to be with him.


Nevermind the preface ending, if you read it this far you might as well
read the little bit extra.  It's 1 September 2003, I finally finished off
the chapter, it took me a long time, but I think I'm going to be on track
again now.

My father and I still need to talk, we never really did.  He doesn't HATE
me, but I still have a lot of fear that he might just hate me after we have
talked and I made it clear I cannot change.

To make matters worse, David is a secret I am keeping from my dad.  David
lives with me and it is difficult to hide him.  Well, there are a lot of
little complications, but you don't care, or even if you do I am too lazy
to put it down.  I just hope that you enjoy the chapter, I don't think it's
one of my greatest, but the next chapter is coming on much better than this
one.

To all of those out there, if anyone is reading this, I hope that my story
or my prefaces makes any impact.  If any of you have something you want to
share with the world, email me, I'll add it in my prefaces aswell.

I hope you don't mind the long prefaces, but on with Chapter 3 now, lots of
love!









CHAPTER 3

But she turned around halfway as Justin and I stepped outside.  We needed
to get some air, but didn't think she'd turn around.  The next thing I knew
Melissa was storming in our direction with a determined rage on her face...
*WHACK*

Her fist right into Justin's face, and it all happened so quickly, yet at
the same time it was as if it was all just slow motion.  When I saw her
fist smack into Justin's face, I didn't at first think a fight would be
like that, having never really seen much of a real fight, and also not
really grasping how real it was at the moment it happened.

I kind of stood there frozen for a moment as Melissa screeched "You fucked
up piece of faggot ass shit, I fucken HATE you!"

Something new emerged from me, something I had never ever known existed.
It was a new side to me, and seeing Melissa hurt Justin like that was what
brought it about me.  Now I'm not the fighting type, but watching her go
after my love like that, was well, quite frankly just not acceptable.

I threw myself to her, yanked her round her hair and swung her away from
Justin before swinging a fist at her, adding my own insults at her.  Just a
few yelled swearwords, but the adrenaline made me (and her) breathless.

We stood there standing still, ready, staring each other in the eyes.  It's
one of those moments where the world around you becomes black, you become
deaf to anything in the environment.  Justin was way too shocked to really
grasp what was happening, and I also didn't notice my mother and Justin's
mother come running out of the fast food restaurant to see what was
happening.

I think everyone just kind of sensed to stand away for a while, not yet the
right time to pull us apart.

I glared at Melissa deeply in her eyes...  "Now listen here you bitch.  If
you ever, and I mean EVER lay but just another touch of a finger on Justin
I swear I will kill you, I will rip your spine and guts right through your
mouth and shove it up your fucking ass, so everyone can see you for the
spineless whore you really are...  You stay the fuck away from Justin, you
hear me?  If you don't I will make it my life's reason to destroy any bit
of happiness you have, same way you are trying to destroy mine.  Just one
thing here -- you WILL lose.  You know NOTHING about me, I know everything
about you, and it takes but a few simple actions for me to turn your life
into such a hell that you will sink to a level so low you will cry
wondering why you are still living.

And then I will make it worse.  You stay the FUCK away from Justin, me, my
family and his.  You are a demon wrecking anything his life ever consisted
of.  Though those words bring you pleasure, he found a new life, and you
can't touch him.  You hurt Justin, you hurt me.

And you don't wanna do that."

I said it all with relative speed, surprising myself that all those words
came out so well, I didn't even have to think too much, then I realized
what I had said.  She kind of stared at me with a deadly look...  Almost
about to crack, then her face hardened again..  "We'll see..."  With that
said, in a dark voice she turned around and headed for the car, as if
nobody was watching her.  I spent a few seconds watching her before I
turned around and grabbed Justin in my arms, and it seemed that the moment
I touched him he felt the shock fade and suddenly he wanted to comfort me
yet hold me because he needed me.

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry this is what I brought you into."

"No Jus, it's okay Angel, I've always wondered what a bitch fight would be
like..."

Justin couldn't help but giggle at that said, and I said it loud enough
that my mother and a few other people heard it.  "You have no idea my boy,
you have no idea..."  My mother surprised me but she said it with a big
smirk on her face.

Yet underneath our smiles we all felt the shock, fear and tension from what
just happened.  My mother wasn't good at hiding what she was really feeling
for very long.  If that's one thing, she would tell you how she felt, and
that could be disastrous.  We all just grouped together, paid for our food,
finished what we wanted to, and hit the road again.

I mean, what a way to finish a holiday.  There was a negative atmosphere in
the car, and none of us are good at loosening the atmosphere.  Jannie
attempted to at first, but the way he went about it just made it worse, so
fortunately he gave up.

For Justin and I this was a different kind of feeling.  We were bunched up
on the back seat of the car...  looking out the window as the scenery just
passed by us.  In a silence which is hard to describe, we just watched the
world change as we drove further and further back inland.  It was a serious
mood.  We were both trying to grasp how things had changed so quickly in
our lives.  We are no longer alone, but sometimes it's hard to imagine that
we really are together.  And hard to imagine that we ever were alone.

I replayed the scenes over and over in my head, and it was quite
uncomfortable to imagine it, but then I would think back a day or two and
how Justin and I just bonded closer and closer together.  Nothing could
come between us, things could shatter us, but our pieces would still be in
the same cup.  We were together, no matter what.

As we drove in through another lost little small town along the way, we
drove past two guys, dressed in totally way out colourful clothes.
Dramatic in the way drama queens dress, except this wasn't feminine and was
enough to make a bushman and a drama-queen in one die of laughter.  They
were a mix of queen and bushman, Texan ranger and boxer all in one.  That
made us fling into a burst of laughter all at once...  I'm almost sure
those guys didn't really exist, they were only there to loosen us up,
because the road went by a lot quicker after that.  The uncomfortable
atmosphere was gone, and there were happy laughs and smiles on all our
faces.

It was about 9 or 10pm when we pulled infront of our electric gate...


I started waking up as we drove into the city, so I was quite awake by the
time we got home, and excited to show Justin where his new home was... but
when we stopped in front of our gate it didn't open.  Jannie made a slight
little grunt, and pushed the button on the remote control again.  Nothing.

We emerged from the car, obviously to unlock the motor so we could slide
open the gate... except.  There was no motor.  No motor.  No wonder the
gate wouldn't open.

A few curses came from Jannie's mouth, they had obviously stolen the motor
on our gate, and that really pissed Jannie off.  We could now just slide
the gate open since there was nothing holding it closed, and drove into our
driveway.

We each grabbed a bit of junk and some pillows and whatever hand luggage we
had, and trotted towards the side entrance.  My mother unlocked it, stepped
in, followed by Jamie, Justin, me and then Jannie at the back.  My mother
dropped her pillow on the ground as she muttered: "Oh my Gawd..."

The side entrance of our home leads into the lounge, and what we saw when
we stepped in was devastation.  It was soon obvious that things were
missing, ornaments were shattered across the floor, some furniture was
gone, the rest either messed on or ripped up.

My mother was quickly going into a state of shock, and beginning to cry at
the sight of our home.  We walked to the open entrance towards the t.v
room, where obviously a lot of our things had been stolen.  The t.v,
stereo, dvd player, all those things were taken.  The kitchen had been
cleaned out of all the appliances, but the smaller things had been
shattered and smashed all over the floor.

The feeling was adrenalin-rushing, yet horrible.  I was afraid to go into
my room, fear of what I might find.  Justin followed me as I moved towards
my bedroom, and as I entered, a weird feeling came over me.

It was a mess, clothes all over the floor, CD's and other small things
scattered.  My PC, gone...  My hifi was also gone.  All of it.  I was kinda
devastated because my PC had a lot of personal things on, fortunately I
back up most of my data, and that wasn't stolen as I had taken that CD
wallet with me.

Yet there was still disaster all over, and I was beginning to feel the
anxiety about it.  I don't know why, but this feeling was really bad, our
home had been cleaned out of valuable items and things with intense
personal value.  Justin didn't know how to react, he just simply held me
when he could, and this closeness made me feel so relaxed.

Jannie called a family meeting in the lounge so that we could discuss what
to do.  Basically he just wanted to know what were the major insurance
claims we'd have to make and whether anything really important was missing
that needed instant attention.

The obvious claims would be entertainment devices, our pc's and the gate
motor.  But upon a closer look there were quite a lot of things missing,
luckily our most valuable things (jewellery you dildo head!) was locked
away in the safe and the criminals didn't bother trying to get into it.

When Justin and I were finally alone in the room, he grabbed me by my
shoulders, but very gently, looked me in my eyes, and of course made me
melt with that sky-blue beautiful gaze of his... "Jay, I'm sorry your stuff
is gone.  But you have me now hey, that's all that matters..."  He sounded
worried that he was at my house at the wrong time and didn't know how to
react.

So I put my hands on his shoulders, Justin style, hehe, and then returned
the serious look: "Jus, yeah, I know.  I love you plenty!  Yet I can't let
this affect you okay?  The reason I feel like this is because I really
wanted to make this a cozy home for you to come home to, and now it's like
we're not even safe."

"Ah man Jay, don't worry about that!  I know you are worried, but you know
what, we've been robbed like this before.  It's not the end of the world,
you still have your little things.  Just think of the people whose houses
burn down.  They lose every little thing they have.  Not only the most
valuable materialistic things, they lose things of sentimental value, stuff
thieves wouldn't look at."

He had a point, there he goes again, being all wise and positive and stuff
again.  Oh man, clever boyfriend I have really knows how to look on the
bright side and get me thinking.

Not much else could be reported of that night, we had no energy to do
anything except go to bed, so we did just that.  Cuddled nice and tightly
together till another day would arrive.


My mother woke us up at about 10 the next morning, wanting Justin and I to
come eat breakfast and get `our' room cleaned up so that we could do a
proper inventory for the insurance company.

Before heading to the kitchen, Justin and I trudged outside in our socks, I
just wanted to absorb some of the city air again and show Jus a bit of my
home.  We had one of the larger yards with a nice big back yard, but most
of it was a mess beyond our lawn.  Remember we haven't been living here too
long.

I showed him the places I liked to spend time in -- mostly private little
corners.  When I'm depressed I like to put myself in corners or private
places, sometimes dark places, but I normally build little worlds for
myself where my own world can be private and sunny.

Telling Justin about my imaginary worlds was weird.  I didn't want him to
think I'm like a little kid or that I'm crazy, but when I'm depressed it
helps to exist elsewhere than reality.

For Justin it was never really the same though.  He was majorly like
totally intrigued by my outlook on life, but the way he saw things was
different.  At least deep down inside.  Justin never pushed himself in a
corner, he always surrounded himself with people and lived up to an image.
His entire life was based on image, what other people might think.

I looked at him when he told me this little fact with a gasp...  "Geez Jus,
so like, aren't you scared now?  I mean, being with me is totally against
image.  How?"

Ok, I know this is a little out of nowhere, but walking in the garden was
the first time we really talked about what being gay meant in our lives,
more specifically in Justin's.  For me it was easy because I had always
felt different, always known I was different, always at least acknowledged
that I was different, so though admitting I was gay was even hard for me,
it wasn't hard being different.  Justin was never different other than
shining out in being `with' what other people liked.  In his world everyone
thought what he did was the high life in normality.  It's mainstream.  Gay
isn't.

"Well, Jay, you were like the biggest plunge I have ever taken in my life,
because I'm trying something new here without being too careful about it.
I just got sick of living like other people see right.  People gave me an
image and I wanted to live up to it, to fit in, not disappoint them.  Who
am I kidding?  What use is it making other people happy when I lose my real
self.  Nobody knows what is inside.  Nobody knows what my heart has to say.
When you try and live according to what other people think, you don't show
them your colours.  That's the problem with us today.  We're too scared to
show our real selves because we know if we're true about ourselves to other
people then not everybody can like us.  I have you now, I don't need
anybody else to like me, nevermind everybody else!"

I was so glad he said that to me, not because I didn't know it but because
now I knew he acknowledged that to himself.  That is why someone like
Justin could like someone like me.  He could open himself up to things that
not everybody might like.  It's hard letting in things when you're sure not
everyone likes it.  Basically, people are afraid to let in things if those
things might make some people reject them.

"Jus, Angel, you're one in a million you know that?  I don't know anyone
else that could ever open up like you could to what really is inside --
change so drastically!  You changed your entire life around me, I couldn't
ever manage to do so much in so little time!"

"Yeah Jase, but you're amazing too.  I wish I had faced my feelings sooner,
maybe had my own little world aswell, maybe then I would have known myself
a little better?"

"No Jus.  I mean it really helped sometimes that I could crawl into my
little corner, but it becomes just as easy to use a corner to hide from
other people as it becomes using image.  I began to use my corner as my
scapegoat for all my problems.  In the end, for a while, I stopped fighting
for myself, just retreating whenever possible.  That in itself made me
become self-conscious to the extent I never cared for myself.  Others
always came first.  It's like doing what you did in a different way."

"How then did you come out of it?  I mean, you haven't lived here long, so
you were still in it not too long ago?"

"Well, I dunno.  Acknowledging that I was gay made me become stronger.
Slow small steps helped me realize I had too look out for myself.  It took
a while.  It was a while ago though.  Even though I have my own private
worlds still, I have them now to explore my self, not to hide from the
world.  Not always at least.  Sometimes I still need to hide, to gain
energy before facing my problems.  It's just not as it used to be, not as
bad as it used to be.  I guess I got walked over enough times to begin
standing up for myself, where I could at least."

With that my mother called for us to come eat, and we trotted home in our
messy out- of-bed looks to eat in the kitchen.  We were still eating when
the police came in and out a few times, the security company, and our
attorney.  I think the attorney was there for two reasons, firstly the
simple matter that possibly some important matters had to be discussed and
maybe some documents got lost, but also to sue the security company for
negligence.  Our house did have an alarm - and the security company was
informed of our return date.

They could be sued because they should have noticed our alarm was turned
off before the due date and never turned on again.  They also should have
checked on our house from time to time.  My mom was very calm about all the
happenings though, and fortunately we had a very good insurance package, so
not many hassles were involved.

Justin and I went to my own private bathroom to get cleaned up and then we
sorted out the room, and going through my room gave me the chance to show
Justin some of the smaller sentimental things in my life.  I had millions
of little notes and letters written during class, lots of little pictures
and things which always kept me busy.

My mother knocked on my door -- she always has the same knock (when she
bothered to knock, but since Justin has been around that's been a general
habit at least.)

"Boys -- good news.  The insurance company has promised me our money should
be paid in by Saturday (It was now Wednesday) which means on Saturday we're
all going shopping!"

That combined with the fact that my older brother was on vacation and my
step father had a business trip to Cape Town for the weekend meant Justin
and I would be helping my mom buy all the cool stuff -- you know, sound
system, television!

My mother was as excited as we were, I could see the glint in her eye as
she turned to leave again.  I gave Justin an excited kiss and hug and then
we continued to rummage through the mess, putting sentimental things back
in boxes and also getting our holiday goodies sorted out.  The most fun was
planning my room in such a way that Justin could be part of it.  We were
transforming MY room into OUR room...  While we were packing in all our
things Justin kept telling me about his `old room', at his mother's home.
The more we packed and the more he spoke, the more realities began to sink
in to me.  I mean, I had thought of this before, but I guess I am beginning
to realize just HOW hard this all must be for Justin.

Sometimes while talking I'd look up in his eyes, and I guess he could feel
me looking at him.  I would see this strange kind of glint in his eyes
while he was talking about memories of his old and seemingly perfect life.
Justin was afraid to tell me exactly how hard this was for him.  I could
see it.  I think it was because he didn't want me to feel as if he was
unhappy being with me.

I know what all the readers are thinking now.  I actually don't know what
all the readers are thinking now.  I think you're all thinking that Justin
should maybe go home?

I guess he was worrying that he might be thinking the same thing.  It
couldn't be an option just yet.  Justin is luckily detached from his life
(in a sense).  He isn't missing any great obligations right now.  The
challenge is that he now has to be part of MY life so far away from home.

When Justin and I were done with all the hard work, it was late afternoon,
and I decided that since this was my favourite time of day, I was going to
take a walk with Justin around our considerably large back yard (again).
It just wasn't the same as the beach, I really will be missing that beach
in Sedgefield.  We took a nice long walk, and proceeded to sit on the back
lawn, just sighing...

"Justin, babe, I love you..."

"I love you too Jason. *smile*"

"I know...  and I know you miss home.  Can I just tell you one more time
that you shouldn't worry, things will be getting better.  You just need to
hang on a little longer and smile a little wider?  I will always love you,
and I know you're scared and that this is much harder than you thought, but
you know what?  You and I belong together.  That means we'll be the envy of
the world and we'll conquer all our problems TOGETHER."

*mmmmmwah!!*

*stare in the eyes*

*serious serious kiss*

I guess the rest of the day was just about settling in and getting used to
being home, eating a decent home cooked meal again, and most important of
all, updating my friends on all the action!  I can't believe that my mobile
phone disappeared from my memory over this holiday...

Every phone call began with: "Hey there, it's Jason" ... "Hi Jason... WHERE
THE HELL (or #@%@#!@!!!) HAVE YOU BEEN?!!?!?!"  So yeah, I got it bad for
not keeping in touch but my excuse more than just made up for it...  Who
could deny me the pleasures of this cute blonde boy who now was with me?

Thursday morning was quite weird, just like any other day was lately.
Waking up with Justin, in my bed, in my room, where so often I had slept
wondering where my true love was...

I can remember how often I spent nights on the bed, thinking of whether
there REALLY was actually someone out there who would love me some day.
Also, the times my heart had been broken.  I thought back about how deeply
I had been cut, how the tears had flown from my eyes.  Then I smiled,
because Justin was WITH me now, I felt ok.

I felt better than ok, I felt AMAZING!

Justin was still in lala land, so I quietly snuck out of bed, so as not to
wake him up, then I scurried off to the kitchen.  My mom was in the living
room reading a magazine, but as good children are, I needed her help in the
kitchen.

I decided that as Justin was here on his first (decent) morning, in a tidy
room, I should welcome him with breakfast in bed.  Yet I remember the time
I sprayed chocolate sauce all over the kitchen
wall/floor/ceiling/cupboards.  That's why I needed my mother's help, I
didn't want to cause any more disasters.

My mother was as enthusiastic as I was, even my mom was acting weird
lately!  Together we cooked up a storm, bacon, eggs, French toast, syrup,
orange juice, sausages, light salad, all the variety in the world for Jus
to choose from.  Everything was neatly arranged onto a tray and then a
small vase with a bright red flower was placed onto the tray to add
character.

I got everything together and asked my mom to open the bedroom door when I
got to it.  I stepped inside, but half knocked the door open, and with that
Justin stretched himself as tall as he could, eyes fluttering open with a
gentle smile creeping onto his face.

The smile on my face was like this massive thing someone must have smacked
onto me, because I was SOOOO happy!  I trotted over to my half-sleeping
beauty and presented him with my masterpiece.

OK OK -- OUR MASTERPIECE!!!  Sheesh, you'd think a mother would give me at
least a little bit of credit!

Anyway, nevermind that, Justin was nevertheless quite into the whole
breakfast in bed scene, he gobbled up EVERYTHING!  He had this cute boyish
"I'm so cute" smile on his face when he saw how rather surprised I was that
he got that all in his stomach...

I gotta tell you that this is just amazingly cute.  Every single little
thing he does makes me sooo happy, I just wanna kiss him!  *bounce*

No wait, no time for that!  I hinted at Jus crawling out of bed to get
cleaned up, while I take the tray back to the kitchen.  Then I would join
him, I mean, I also kinda needed to get my day started off.  I had plans
for the day, and we couldn't enjoy the day with just our pyjamas on now
could we?

Hey, does anyone here remember that song (story) "Banana's in pyjamas, are
walking down the stairs!"  Sorry, I just suddenly thought of it, well yeah.
Hehe.  I kinda go into these thinking stages of toddler songs.  I mean, one
of the best was teletubbies.  I loved the teletubbies!  Ok this is getting
weird, but I know that they were cute at times, if you really made fun of
them!  *run*

AAAAANYWAY, Justin and I were going to meet my friends.

This is perhaps the most nerve wrecking day of my life, since I had never
introduced a boyfriend of mine to any of my friends, so today would be the
first.  It's not that nobody was ever worthy of it, it's simply a matter of
not being able to keep them long enough to actually get to the whole `meet
my friends' part.  Or anyone else from my life.  Bleh.

However, this time was different.  My mom drove us through to IJ's house,
where we had arranged all to meet at once.  We pressed the intercom button
and waited for someone to pick up.  Finally IJ, Aimèe and Gwen came
waddling out of the house to open the gate for us.  This is South Africa
people.  In the city, you have electric gates and intercom systems, crime
is just soooo terrible `Dahling'.  Ok, I'm in a silly mood, excuse me.

I mean, my nerves are running sky high right now.  Can you imagine bringing
your whole life to what used to be your whole life and making a new whole
life?  What I mean is can you imagine me taking Justin, who is my whole
life, to meet my friends, who were my whole life before I met Justin.  Now
they're just expected to CLICK you know.

It's like weird, they look at Justin but quickly back at me to try and say
hello, the usual hugs to me and how have I been.  I do the introduction
thing, you know how the formalities go.  But it's awkward.

Justin has this shy smile, but he is well composed if I can put it that
way.  I know Justin is good at dealing with people, but my friends are not
your average people.  Justin when I thought to myself "AAAAAAAAH" Gwen
becomes the cutest saviour in the world and breaks the ice.

Before I tell you what broke the ice, I gotta tell you about Gwen.  She's
one in 7 billion.  She has the cutest little hands, and the funniest
attitude.  She comes up with the strangest words and signs, and always
manages to be entertaining (well, that is when Gwen and I get the
giggles... errr, no comment).

"Niem niem!  Jason!  He's sooooo CUUUUUUUTE!!!  Howcome you meet all the
cute guys?  NOT FAIR?!  Cute new boyfriend guy -- do you have any cute
friends?  MMMMMMM????"  Gwen pulls these funny big eyes and a laugh just
waiting to burst on her face...  It was TOO much for me, I just HAD to
laugh (along with everyone else!).  Of course, Justin was so gorgeous I had
the other two girls also brooding over my boi...

We started tiny chatter, but there was more questions to Justin than
anything else.  I mean, for girls having a personal interview with my new
GAY boyfriend, this was heaven!!!  It really is funny to see this, but it
can also be embarrassing -- they have all these questions, and some just
really take us by surprise.  You wouldn't think girls could be so -- erm --
dirty!  I won't go into what kind of questions they asked, just say that
some were actually very personal.

IJ's house was really interesting.  That's one thing, they're very
unconventional.  I think that's the right word.  They have so many amusing
little things to look at, and they absolutely love animals!  But the thing
you will find more than ANY other item in that house (including oxygen
molecules) is books.  Books books and more books!  IJ grew up with them, so
she is really intelligent compared to the rest of us dildos.

NOT that I'm stupid or anything, I just suck at maths.  I regard myself as
too good to be true in life.  Ok ok, I'm just trying to boost my ego, but
it's not working.

We dug into some of IJ's food supplies to fill ourselves a little.  Justin
was a hit -- he was more entertaining than I ever could be!  Back to food,
Aims and Gwen were pretty peckish, but not extreme.  IJ was however not
your average girl.  Sure, she (I think) was hot (and so does many straight
guys that ask me about her!!!).  But she was blessed with that ability to
really eat and not pick up weight.  And boy did she use it!  She would
often out-eat me, hehe.  So us two guys and IJ dug into the food -- Aims
and Gwen dug into little parts of it, and yeah, music, chatting, etc. was
the order of the day.

We learnt more about each other, Justin and I sharing about his life
experiences, and most importantly what happened in Sedgefield!  Aims
telling us about some of her other friends, telling Jus about her life, and
just more and more about her sillyness.

Yeah I kinda left that out.  We're all silly people.  IJ is the most
well-composed of us lot.  But the rest of us really know how to loose it,
and that's when we're sober!

Gwen was very innocent.  If she does something she's not supposed to the
night before (like smoking you perv!) she'll come to school feeling so
guilty she wants to cry!  And we of course being supportive friends clap
hands at Gwen's latest demise *muahhahahahhaha*.  Ok ok, we don't like push
it too far, we do try and keep her from being really naughty.  But there
are times where she really knows how to catch us by surprise!

So as the case would be by late afternoon Gwen, Aims and myself were out in
the back yard, acting like 2 year olds.  We would laugh ourselves to pieces
for about 15 minutes, then one of us would snort or say the stupidest
thing, and there we go again, laughing for another 15 minutes!

It was during that time that Justin and IJ got to know each other really
well.  They had something very particular in common (well, more like two
basic things) but the one thing had changed their lives.

The one aspect was that both Justin and IJ had sisters.  I can see you all
gasping with amazement.

But enough of jokes, the other aspect that they had in common was really
deep.  Both had lost their fathers not too long ago.  So while we were
being really pathetically stupid, they were creating an intense connection
about their past.

For both of them it was something new, to be able to share it with what was
at the time sort of strangers.  IJ and myself were also closely connected
as we also share similar lives from day to day.  I was glad Justin could
form this connection with IJ, this would make things easier for him to fit
into my life.

Before we knew it Gwen's dad was there to pick her and Aims up, Justin and
I would wait there till IJ's mom got home.  I couldn't wait to introduce
IJ's mom to Justin.  That went smoothly and some small chitter chatter, but
we had to go home eventually...

At the end of the day, when lying in my bed I had to think back a little.
I was so happy now that Justin was here, and he was really getting in with
my life.  What could be better?

Mostly the rest of the week we were hanging out with my friends, but also
spent some time telling Jus about my friends from my old town.  We were
going to visit them in 2 months time for a few weeks, my mom still had a
house there and we'd go there every once in a while to take care of things
and make sure it's still going well.

When Saturday finally arrived we were up very very early, it was shopping
day, the BIG shopping day!  I was out of my skin, and Justin was like
totally afraid of me!  I really go happy when we get to spend a lot, and
today, we were going to spend A LOT!

I'm sorry, I just really really love money.  Money is everything and more
to me, and my life never stops wanting money.  Hehe.  Ok, that's just
really over-exaggerating now, but who doesn't love it when you get to spend
money as if you were a celebrity or something?

We started off looking for a t.v, then hifi's for those who had and lost, a
couple of other electronics, computers being a really important part of it.

The nice thing is that we now got better PC's than we had before since
prices stay the same but the technology improves.  I LOVE MONEY!

It was nice shopping, but this wasn't just your usual shopping.  Having
Justin with me made it a completely different experience.  As you could
imagine, with all the work we had to do, there was a lot of walking around.
So when my mom got thirsty, we'd take some money and go buy her cold drink.
But we'd be really stupid and run to all the shops looking for the same
cold drink and then go to the one that sold it the cheapest...  We were
RUNNING all over the show, cracking jokes at everything we saw and being
like little boys in the mall!  My mother was a bit confused as to why we
took THAT long to bring the refreshments, but hey, she got it didn't she?

That night was spent setting up all the new stuff, playing loud music and
having a nice barbeque.  In South Africa we call a barbeque a braai.  So we
had a braai.  Hehe.  I had all my friends over, and so did Jamie, and my
mom had her friends over too.  When Jannie is home this never happens,
because he always has drunken friends and he embarrasses me and my friends
all the time.

It is at this point I realize my grammar often sucks.  I promise if I try
harder I can write really nicely, but I don't bother to try!  Hehe.  Why
try so hard if you can just enjoy things the way they are?

Jannie came back on Monday afternoon, my mother fetched him at the airport.
Fortunately Jannie is only going to be here another week, then he's off to
Mali, where he works full time.

He stays there for 5 months then returns home for 1 month, and so it goes
on.  I hadn't expected him to embrace our shopping tastes, but his reaction
wasn't exactly what I imagined either.

He came in, greeted us, then started bitching and moaning.  It was to be
expected from Jannie, but I thought he really got over that stage by now.
He was becoming an asshole!  My mother defended us by saying that the
salesman recommended everything.  He would have had a flying fit if he knew
it was our choices and not the salesman...

Oh well, so is the workings of life.  Jannie was slowly becoming a pain in
the ass, but it didn't matter much to me because he was leaving soon, and
having Justin with me put the both of us in a world of our own.  My life
was filled with freedom, not restricted with his bantering.

Until two days later.  Justin and I came home one night after being at
Aim's house, when we heard my mother and Jannie arguing.  At first I
thought it would just be some usual argument, but then I heard what he
said.

He was going on about Justin and I.  Saying that I'm not his son, so it
doesn't bother him that I'm gay but it is immoral to him that we are
sleeping in the same room.  The same argument extended to my brother and
his girlfriend.

My mother was as usual defending us, which is why it was an argument.  At
least he'd leave soon, but he was trying to break us down, and that pissed
me off.

For the next few days we kept our distance from him, made sure he never saw
us together, not until he was gone.

Still, to us, this was the beginning of a lot of confusion.  Why do people
change?  Why so often for the worse?