Date: Sun, 17 Jun 2001 19:04:31
From: Chip Dyp <chipdyp@hotmail.com>
Subject: Judgment Error 30

	The following program contains material suited for a mature audience. If
you are not over 18 you should be leaving now. Of course I can't control you
and neither can anyone else really. This story is entirely false except for
the true parts. And now for our feature presentation. Viewer Discretion is
advised...

	My web site is located at
http://www.geocities.com/chipdyp/index.html

Judgment Error 30
by:  Chip Dyp
  (chipdyp@hotmail.com)

	Ian woke up and slowly looked around. His head hurt and he couldn't
remember how he'd gotten home. He was wearing just a pair of briefs. The
last thing he remembered...

	Suddenly it all came back to him. Stefan storming into the computer
class. Stefan killing Mr. Taffan.  Stefan killing Tracy. And David. He
remembered David lying on the floor, impossibly bright crimson blood
pouring out of his chest.

	Ian shook his head and slowly sat up. He didn't want to be
alone. He needed to be with his friends. Ian rolled out of the bed and
walked down the dark hallway towards the bathroom.

	As he washed up, Ian thought about Stefan. For a moment, near the
end, he's seemed so innocent and afraid. That was the Stefan he had fallen
in love with. And now, that Stefan was gone.

	Ian sighed and wiped the steam from the mirror. He was ashamed to
admit it, but deep down Ian was glad he didn't have to worry about Stefan
anymore. It would have been better if Stefan could have got some help and
lived a productive life, but...

	There was a quiet knock on the bathroom door, as Ian was brushing
his hair.

	"Ian? Are you all right?" Ian recognised his mom's voice.

	The attack had been traumatic enough. Ian's mom was worried that
Ian would descend into the depths of depression. She had seen him in a
hospital, near death too many times. She was all too aware of how fragile
life was.

	"I'm fine, Mom," Ian said. He wrapped a towel around his waist and
opened the door. He wrapped his arms around her and gave her a big hug.

	"Oh, Ian."  She hugged her son tightly. She stroked his back and
pulled him closer. Ian rested his head on his mother's shoulder. It felt so
good to be in her arms.  "What do you want to do today? There are grief
counsellors at the school, if you want to talk to them."

	"I don't know. I don't really want to go to the school."

	"They may be able to help you deal with everything that happened."

	"I know. I just don't know if I want to be around a lot of
people. I think I'd like to see Rob and Will. To see how they're doing."

	Mrs. Reynolds smiled and nodded. "All right. If you want to talk to
us about David, or anything else, all you have to do is ask."

	"I know.  I just don't want to talk about David right now."

	Mrs. Reynolds kissed her son on the forehead and nodded. "All
right. I'll go make you some breakfast.  You finished getting dressed."

	"Okay." Ian turned around and walked back into the bathroom. He
finished brushing his hair before scampering naked back to his room to get
dressed.

	He was pulling on a sweater when the phone rang. Ian looked at the
phone for a moment before he lifted the receiver. "Hello."

	"Hi, Ian. It's Erin."

	"Oh, hi Erin. How are you doing? How's Will?"

	"I'm fine, but that's why I'm calling. Will doesn't want to talk to
me. I know you're probably still hurting, but I'm worried about Will. He
loves and respects you. Could you please talk to him?"

	"I was going to go see Will today, Erin. I'll make sure he's all
right. We've lost enough friends to Stefan. I don't want to lose one more."

	"Thank you so much, Ian. How are you doing?"

	"I miss David."

	"I'm so sorry, Ian."

	"It's all right. It hasn't completely hit me yet. It's just not
real."

	"If you need someone to talk to, you know my number."

	"I do.  Thank you, Erin."

	"You're welcome. I'll see you later."

	Ian hung up the phone and sat down at his desk. He picked up the
phone and dialled Rob's number from memory.

	"Hello?"

	"Hi Rob, how are you doing?"

	"I've been better," Rob replied quietly. "How are you doing Ian?"

	"I'm all right, I guess. It hasn't really hit me yet. It just
doesn't seem real."

	"If you ever need to talk, you call me, okay? I don't care when, or
why. You can call anytime."

	Ian smiled slightly. He couldn't help but react to the concern and
caring in Rob's voice. "I will, thanks. You're a great friend Rob."

	"You've been a friend to me, Ian. How could I not help you?"

	"I know, but still..."

	"Have you talked to Will yet?"

	"No, Erin called me and asked if I'd go and talk to him. She
sounded like she's really worried about him."

	"I called him, and he just seemed so out of it. He thinks it's his
fault that Stefan shot David."

	"That's horse shit. If he didn't point out David, Stefan would've
shot him."

	"I know. I think he needs to hear it from you, though. He's
terrified that you and David's parents hate him."

	"I could never hate him. And David's parents don't blame him."

	"I know."

	Ian sighed and looked at the clock. "I'm going to get a quick bite
to eat and then I'll head over there."

	"Okay. If you need a little help with Will, call me. Jen, Erin and
I will come over and give you a hand."

	"Okay. I'd better get going."

	"Good luck."

	Ian hung up the phone and walked up the stairs to the kitchen. His
parents both hugged him before letting him sit down. They watched quietly
as Ian ate a large breakfast. He looked up at their concern filled eyes and
smiled. "I'm all right."

	Mr. Reynolds smiled and placed his hand on Ian's shoulder. "We
know. If you want to talk..."

	Ian nodded and smiled. "I know. I'm going over to see Will. I'll be
back later."

	Mrs. Reynolds nodded and watched as Ian dropped the dishes in the
sink. "The car is in the driveway."

	Ian nodded and walked to the front door. Slowly he pulled on his
shoes and walked out the door. His parents watched silently as he pulled
the door shut.

	"How do you think he's taking this?" Mr. Reynolds asked.

	"Right now, he's sort of in denial. It hasn't all sunk in yet, but
it'll all catch up with him eventually."

	Mr. Reynolds nodded. He took a sip of his cool coffee and
frowned. "I don't want to lose him."

	"Neither do I. He's going to have to come to us though."

	"I know." Mr. Reynolds took his wife's hand and squeezed it
gently. "We're going to get through this."

	Mrs. Reynolds nodded and looked out the window. She wondered if it
was Ian's destiny in life to be unlucky in love.

						* * * * * *

	"How's Ian doing?" Jennifer asked. Rob sat heavily on the couch and
wrapped his arm around his girlfriend.

	"A lot better than I'm doing. He seemed so peaceful."

	"He's in denial."

	"Is that your expert opinion?" Rob asked sarcastically, "I didn't
realise that a high school psychology class endowed you with such amazing
powers of diagnosis."

	"Fuck you!" Jennifer shot back. "I'm sick of you being a total
prick. Several of our classmates were shot and all you can do is whine
about poor little you." She stood up and walked out of Rob's bedroom and
down the hallway. When Rob followed her out of the room, he found her
sitting against the wall crying.

	"I'm sorry," Rob whispered. "I just wish I could've done something
more." He sat down on the floor beside Jennifer and held onto her while she
cried. "I love you. I don't know what I would've done if..."

	Jennifer squeezed him a little tighter. "I know," She croaked. "I
love you too."

	"Ian's going to need us to be strong," Rob said when Jennifer
finished crying.

	"We'll be there for him. All of us."

	Rob nodded and took Jennifer's hand. "Did you want to go see a
grief counsellor at the school?

	"Not right now. I just want to be with you."

	Rob smiled.  He stood up and helped Jennifer to her
feet. "C'mon. Let's go sit on a couch. I'll make you some tea and we can
talk."

	"That's a good idea."

						* * * * * *

	Jason sat in the waiting room, waiting patiently. No one would tell
him anything about his boyfriend Paul. When a man in white coat came around
the corner, he leapt to his feet and chased him down the corridor.

	"Excuse me," Jason said as he caught up to the doctor. "I want to
know how my friend is doing."

	"I'm sorry son, but we can only give that information to family
members."

	"His family is dead," Jason said. "I'm all he has left and no one
will tell me anything. They won't even tell me if he's alive or not." Tears
started to roll down Jason's cheeks as all the emotions he had been
carrying around came out in a torrent. "I love him and I don't even know if
he's dead." He sunk to the floor and pulled his knees to his chest. He
didn't care if anyone saw him.  It all didn't matter if he didn't have
Paul.

	The doctor looked down at the crying boy before him in pity. He
crouched down and hugged the boy gently.  "It's all right. What's his
name?"

	"Paul. Paul Farrell."

	The doctor nodded. He didn't recognise the name, but he could find
out what had happened for this hurting young man. "Why don't you come with
me? I'll see what I can find out."

	Jason nodded and slowly stood. The doctor wrapped his arm around
the boy and walked him back to the waiting room. "Here, you stay here, and
I'll be right back, all right?"

	Jason didn't move as the doctor sat him down in one of the old
vinyl chairs. He didn't watch as the doctor walked up to the information
desk.

	"Hello Mary."

	"Hello Doctor Adams. What can I do for you?"

	"I need some information on a patient."

	"What's the name?"

	"Farrell, Paul."

	The nurse punched the information into her computer and waited
while the information was spit out on the screen. "He was brought in
yesterday. Parents are both dead, next of kin has been notified."

	"So, he's still alive?"

	The nurse nodded, and pointed at the screen. "Uh huh. Brought in
with enough heroin coursing through his veins to stun an elephant, but
he'll live. He's going to have a hell of a time though, with his parents
dead. And who knows how hard it'll be for him to kick the drugs."

	"Which room is he in? There's someone here who would like to see
him."

	"A friend? He's in ward 2, no visitors except for family."

	"It's his boyfriend." The doctor tilted his head towards the
waiting room. The nurse gazed over his shoulder and gave a small smile.

	"2B13. Make sure you tell the duty nurse what the deal is. She
shouldn't have any problems letting him stay."

	"Thanks."

	The doctor turned and walked over to Jason. He crouched down in
front of the boy and brushed the hair out of his eyes. "Hey. I've got some
good news."

	"He's still alive?" Jason asked quietly.

	"Yep. If you come with me, I'll take you up to his room."

	"Really?" Jason looked at the doctor and his face lit up when the
doctor nodded. "Thank you so much!" Jason wrapped his arms around the
doctor's neck and started crying again.

	The doctor smiled and held back a tear as the boy hugged him. He'd
lost his younger brother to suicide. He hadn't let anyone know he was gay
until it was too late. He knew his brother would be happy that he was
making a difference.

						* * * * * *

	Ian knocked on Will's bedroom door and waited for a bit when there
was no response. Will's parents had been heading out to get a few groceries
when Ian had arrived. They made him promise that he wouldn't leave until
they got back. They knew Will was having a tough time with everything. They
thought it important that he wasn't left alone until he was able to deal
with everything.

	"Will, it's Ian. Open the door."

	Ian tried the doorknob again. It was still locked. Ian walked down
the hallway to the bathroom where Will hid the extra key. He found the key,
then walked back down the hallway and unlocked the door. What he saw
horrified him. Will was standing in front of the window, a cable around his
neck.

	"Will, what are you doing?" Ian asked calmly. He took a step into
the room. He saw the Will had tied the other end of the Ethernet cable
around the leg of his desk.

	"It's all my fault," Will whispered. He looked back at Ian and
smiled. "I know that's what you're thinking. You don't have to lie to me. I
know."

	"You don't know fuck all, Will. What Stefan did is not your
fault. You didn't have a choice."

	"Yes I did have a choice!" Will screamed. He punched the wall in
rage. "I did have a choice. I could have said no!"

	"And then you'd be dead. It wouldn't have made a difference.
Stefan would've gotten someone else to point David out."

	"But it wouldn't have been me. I wouldn't have David's blood on my
hands."

	"His blood is not on your hands."

	"It is too. My hands are stained with it."

	"Well, if that's the case then Paul's hands are stained as well. He
told Stefan which class David and I had together. This is all his fault."

	"He didn't have a choice. Stefan filled him with drugs."

	"Still, that's no excuse. My hands are stained as well. If I would
have told someone when he raped me that first time, then maybe he could've
gotten some help."

	"It's not your fault," Will whispered, "You loved him."

	"Yes, I did. That doesn't absolve me."

	"What Stefan did is not your fault," Will repeated. He shook his
head a couple of times and looked out the window.

	Ian took a couple of steps towards his friend and held out his
hand. "And it's not your fault either."  He put his hand on Will's shoulder
and turned him around.

	Will wrapped his arms around Ian and began crying in earnest. "I'm
sorry, Ian. I didn't want to tell him. I didn't want anyone to get hurt."

	Ian hugged Will back and started crying along with his friend. "I
know. Here, let's get this off of you," he said as he began untying the
Ethernet cord. Will stood still as Ian undid the knot and then hugged him
again when the cord was free.

	Ian walked Will over to the bed and slowly began undressing his
hurting friend.  He helped him under the covers and sat down on a
chair. "You get some sleep.  When you wake up, I'll still be here and we
can talk."

	"Will you hold me?"  Will asked. "I just..."

	Ian smiled at his friend and pulled off his tee shirt and
jeans. "No funny business."

	Will smiled and he gave a little laugh before crying again. Ian
shut off the light and closed the blinds before slipping into his friend's
bed. Will gravitated to Ian and wrapped him up tightly. He sobbed for a few
minutes longer against Ian's chest before drifting into a fitful sleep.

	Ian rubbed Will back and thought of all the times he had spent with
David. Tears formed at the corners of his eyes. He sobbed quietly before
joining Will in sleep.

							* * * * * *

	Jason sat beside Paul's bed, watching as his boyfriend's chest rose
and fell. It was a sight he had seen many times when they had slept at one
another's house. He looked back down into his lap and forced himself not to
cry. He had to be strong for Paul.

	He was looking so hard at his hands that he didn't notice his
mother and an older woman enter the room.

	"Jason, honey." His mother said as she walked over to her son.

	Jason looked up at his mother, before looking down at his hands
once more. "Hi mom," He whispered.

	"You had us worried, honey. We didn't know where you were."

	"I just wanted to see how Paul was doing. He's my best friend."

	"He's more than that, isn't he baby?"

	Jason looked up at his mom and nodded before he started
crying. Jason stood up and hugged his mother tightly. "Please don't hate
me, Mom. I really love him."

	"Oh baby, I could never hate you. Your father and I know about you
two. So did Paul's parents. We were both waiting for you guys to tell us."
Jason's mother hugged him tightly and held his head to her shoulder. She
smiled at the older woman and let her son loose. "Jason, this is Paul's
grandma; his father's mother."

	The older woman smiled at Jason, before turning her attention back
to Paul. Jason smiled back and walked over to the Paul's grandma. "Hello,
ma'am."

	"Hello, Jason. I've heard a lot about you." Mrs.  Farrell hugged
Jason and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Has Paul woken up yet?"

	"No, not yet." Jason shook his head and smiled down on Paul. "I
didn't want him to wake up alone."

	"I know he'd want you to be here," Mrs.  Farrell said. "Your mom
and I will go find a couple more chairs. You keep Paul company."

	Jason smiled and nodded. "All right." He watched his mom and
Mrs. Farrell walk out of the room before turning his attention back to
Paul. "I love you, baby," he whispered. "Come back to me, please."

							* * * * * *

	Erin slowly walked up the stairs to Will's room. She couldn't stand
it anymore. She had to see him. His parent's had told her that he was up in
his room with Ian and told her to go on up. She tapped on the door gently
and when she got no response, she quietly opened the door.

	The light from the hallway shone across the bed, revealing the two
boys locked in an embrace. Erin could see Ian's bare back as he held on to
Will. A pang of jealousy shot through her body as she saw the two boys
lying there. Will was her boyfriend, not Ian's.

	"Erin?" Ian whispered. "Is that you?"

	"Yeah."

	"Did you want to lie down with Will? He's been asking for you in
his sleep."

	Erin smiled looked down at her feet. She felt a moment of shame for
her earlier feelings. "Okay."

	"Get undressed. I'll slip out, you slip in and he won't notice the
difference."

	"All right."  Quickly Erin slipped out of her pants and shirt. She
stepped closer to the bed and watched as Ian extricated himself. When he
stood, she could see his bloodshot eyes and ruddy cheeks. She stepped
forward and wrapped her arms around Ian. "Are you all right?" She
whispered.

	Ian simply nodded and hugged her back. She kissed him on the cheek
and watched as he picked up his clothes. "Tell Will to call me when he
wakes up. He's going to need his friends, and probably some professional
help."

	"Okay. You've been such a good friend to Will. I think a part of
him was disappointed when David finally snagged you. I think that he might
have fallen in love with you, had things been a little different."

	"Well, he's fallen in love with you now.  You take care of him."

	"I will."

	Ian stepped out of the bedroom and pulled the door closed. Slowly,
he pulled on his clothes. His thoughts drifted to David. By the time he was
dressed, he was fighting back the tears. Slowly, he walked down the stairs
and pulled on his shoes. After saying a quick good bye to Will's parents,
he stepped out into the sunlight.

	"Hey, we were just coming to see you guys," Rob said as he walked
up the stairs to the front door. "How is Will doing?"

	"He's sleeping. Erin's making sure he doesn't do anything stupid."

	Rob nodded and put his arm on Ian's shoulder. "How are you doing?"

	"I'm all right."  Ian let out a little sob and was immediately
wrapped up in Rob's arms. "I miss him so much."

	"We know," Jennifer whispered. "Why don't we take you home and we
can talk?"

	Ian nodded and reached into his pocket for his keys. When he had
retrieved them, Rob snatched them away. "No offence, Ian, but I don't think
you should be driving right now." Rob handed his own keys to
Jennifer. "Here, I'll drive Ian's car home with him." Rob looked into Ian's
eyes and asked, "All right?"

	Ian nodded and let Rob escort him to his car. Numbly he watched as
Rob started the car and drove towards his home. Nothing felt real
anymore. It was like a piece of him was missing. And there was a piece
missing. David.

	Continued.