Date: Sat, 27 Jan 2001 15:48:15 EST
From: KillerPizzaMonkey@yahoo.com
Subject: Just Don't Think I'm Not - Chapter Eleven

This is Chapter Eleven of Just Don't Think I Am Not.  I hope you'll all
forgive my tardiness.  I've been doidn so much lately.  What with school
and all of that rot.  (Been reading Chronicles of Narnia, the lingo
sticks.)  So yeah.  I've had school and homework and friends.  AND A SOCIAL
LIFE!!  WOOOHOOO!!!

Visit my website at Http://th380y.net

DISCLAIMER:  Be legal: read.  Don't be legal: read.


J.D. Tin
Chapter Eleven: Changes

	Josh was staring at me in English.  I could barely read the play;
he was distracting me.  Every time I would look in Josh's direction, he
would be looking back at me.  Had he seen what Jack and I had done?  Did
someone else see it and tell him?  Whom else does he know anyway?  I've
only seen him hanging around with a sophomore girl.  I think her name is
Rachel.  I've never talked to Rachel.  He should be making friends.  And he
didn't tell me about them.  In fact, he never much talked about the city or
the school very much.
	I saw Jack during passing period.  He gave me a note.
	"See you at lunch." He subtly pinched my ass as I walked away.
Josh was called to the office and so he was late to History.  Mr. Green
took his pass and gave him the prompts for our free write.  Josh sat next
to me.  He had a transfer slip with him.  It taunted me.  "Joshua F. Dae".
Down it was a list of all of his classes, there was a signature by two of
them: English and Creative Writing.  From English, Josh was going to be in
Drama; from Creative Writing, he was going to Math.  Most of his schedule
would be changed.  I wonder why.  Me, I hope.
	"See anything you like?"  Josh asked me.
	"Just want to know how far away from me you're going to get."  I
replied.
	"Don't worry, we'll still see each other at lunch and after
school."  He smiled at me.
	Like I would even want to, I thought.  "Cool."
	Josh was about to say something else, but Mr. Green looked up at us
from his desk and gave us a look that froze me to the place.  After that,
we conversed on a corner of filler paper.
	He wrote: Do you want to do something tonight? J
	My reply: No.
	Him: Why not?
	Me: Dad's coming home.
	Him: Can I meet him?
	Me: Not tonight.
	Him: When?
	Me: I don't know.
	Him: Why are you so cold all of a sudden, dude?
	Me: Maybe because you've just broken up with me and now you're
being friendly.  This is all you've done to me.  I want to get into a
relationship with you and SOMEHOW you always seem to fuck it up and blame
it on me.  I am so tired of your shit, man.  I just want to go find someone
else who won't act like a total dick all of the time.
	Him: Ouch.
	Me: It's not mean if it's true.
	As things do, class went on.  He didn't reply for the rest of the
period.  He looked hurt.  When we were asked what we thought about having
"inaliable rights" taken away when it seemed necessary, only a few people
wanted to share.  Among them, Jennifer Del Cora.  I think Jennifer was the
only person that shared talked about gay people and us not having many
rights.  We do have a many rights.  And in some cases, we have more.  But
the marriage and not being able to share a bank account, (Josh would take
all of my money). . .  That could be a gift though; no one wants a shared
debt or a leach for that matter.  And then there's the fact that the
government can take away our rights whenever they fell it is appropriate.
So there really are no such things as inaliable rights.  But Jennifer
didn't talk about that, she talked about how we (gays) should be included
and not discriminated against.
	Jennifer had been trying to please me.  I had seen the way she
tried to put as much feeling into reading Romeo and Juliet as I did.
Whenever she had finished one of Juliet's monologues she would look at me
for approval.  And I did voice my approval of her abilities many times by
telling her that she read very well and that she should be in drama.  But
the drama that she would want, the advanced drama that would be holding a
production later on in the year, is during English.  The drama that she
could take was during our regular electives and was only a beginner's
class.  She would not like the beginner's class, I'm sure.  There was no
more Josh before lunch.


	"Hey Zach," Jennifer Del Cora said to me while I was stuffing notes
into my binder.
	"Hi Jennifer," I replied, "What's up?"
	"Not much, what did you think of my essay?"  She asked.
	"It was good."
	Jennifer Del Cora grinned.  "Great!"  She exclaimed happily.  "Hey
. . . are you doing anything tonight?"
	That's an odd question, I thought.  "Yeah, I'm busy actually."
	"Oh."
	"Sorry, maybe some other time?"
	I headed towards the lunch line.  I had probably missed all of the
good food by now.  The cafeteria was packed, only a few people were in
line.  There certainly were no more good entrees now.
	"Zach!"  My name cut across the room.
	I looked around to see who was calling me.
	"Zach!"
	I could track it now.  I looked a few tables away from me, Josh was
there with three other guys and Rachel.  I might as well sit down.  I
thought, not like I am going to be eating lunch today.  I have some jerky
in the glove compartment.  Jack appeared in the corner of my eyes right
before I sat down.  He looked at me with a puzzled look.  "I don't know," I
mouthed to him.  He accepted that and turned away to tend to his food and
Mel.  Sean wasn't around for some reason.  He's probably out getting laid.
	"Hey Zach," Josh got my attention away from Jack.
	"Hi Josh."  I was a little warmer.  That was because there were
other people around him and I didn't want to come off as a dick to them.
	"This is Austin. . ."  He introduced a frosh that was about my
size, 5'10", which had brown hair and brown eyes, an average look.
	"Hey."  We shook hands.
	". . .  Mason . . ." Josh introduced a Twinkie, 5'8" blonde and
blue.  Nothing there that caught my eyes.
	"Hi."  Mason had a weak shake.
	". . . Rachel."
	"Nice to meet you."  Said Rachel.
	". . . And, Noah."  Josh smiled at Noah.  There's chemistry there,
I realized.
	"Hey, Zach."  He gave me a large smile.
	Noah is 6' even with straight, brown hair and green eyes.  Under
normal circumstance, I would be drooling over Noah Snyder.  This
circumstance was influenced by rumors about Noah.  Noah is a fucking loser;
he's a Junior in mostly sophomore classes.  He had been failing since I can
remember.  I've never associated with him.  His scholastic record is one
reason, but his total turn off to gay people pushes me away anymore.  I
knew he was gay for a while.  It's so clear to see: he checks out other
guys in broad daylight and he has three girlfriends per month.
	"Hi, Noah."  We shook hands, a sharp chill shoot through my arm.
	Josh leaned in across the table and whispered towards me, "He's my
new boyfriend."
	Noah's ears tuned in.
	"That's great, you two are perfect for each other."  I told Josh.
	"You know him?"  Josh seemed amazed that I would ever know someone
he knew.
	"No, I've heard about him.  I should probably go to my table now.
I need to talk to Jack and everyone else."  There was a pang of jealousy
that I could not hide in my voice.  Josh was disappointed to see me leave.
He had no one else to torment, I guess.  I said good bye to Rachel and
Mason and retired to my table.
	"Hey Zach."  Jack greeted me.
	"Hey Jack."  I kissed him on the cheek.
	"Zach!  Did you hear that Josh has a boyfriend?  You'll never guess
who people are saying it is . . ."  Mel said excitedly.
	"Noah Snyder.  I know, I met him . . . just now."  I told them, "I
can't believe he is going out with that loser!"
	Mel frowned and Jack held me, he made it look like he was putting
me in a nelson.  It felt good.
	"He made a good choice with you."  Jack tired to console me.
	"I guess," I was getting off on contact high, "But . . . Noah?"
	"Don't worry about it."  Mel told me, "Josh is a loser anyway.  He
lied to you and he tried to . . . you know."
	That's right, I thought, He fucking played me like a fool.  AND he
tried to rape me while he was at it.  To bad I broke his motherfucking
nuts.  My faced twitched into a smile, a wicked smile.  I broke the
fucker's nuts.
	Josh hit me in the arm, "What did he do to you?!"
	"I'll tell you later," I told Jack.
	"No," Jack let me go, "Tell me now."
	"Why?"
	"Because I want to know.  So just tell me, okay?"
	"I don't want to talk about that here."
	"Where?"
	"Back at home."
	"Alright," He agreed, "You promise you'll tell me when we get to
your place?"
	"I promise," I gave him a quick peck on the cheek and grabbed some
of Mel's fries.  "So Mel, where has Sean been lately?"
	"He's been chasing a girl."  Mel replied.
	"Oh?"  Jack was interested.  Sean hardly ever chases after women.
For a time I thought that he was gay.  One night I tried to put the moves
on him and he totally shot me down.  So Sean is just a guy that likes to
find the right woman.
	"Yeah, a sophomore - Denise Mihok I think."
	"She a Barbie?"  I asked.
	"Actually, no."  Mel sounded surprised.  "She looks like me."
	"Cool."  Jack said.
	Conversation withered as we tried to imagine Sean going after a
girl that looked like Mel.  There was no way he could hit on Mel, even a
girl that resembled Mel, seems like there would be too much baggage there.
Sean has been after Mel for a while.  Sean has always gone after Barbie
girls.  I guess that's because Barbie's have a reputation of being "easy."
Also, there is less of a chance that they will break up with Sean, so Sean
can't get hurt.  Mel is the least near a Barbie that you can get.  Don't
get me wrong, she is good looking and, if I were straight, I would jump in
the sack with her any chance that I could get.  She is just anti-Barbie,
Girl Scouts, Choir or anything that would promote the "Women fix food, men
eat food; Men make mess, Women clean after men" mentality.
	On the other hand, I loved the Boy Scouts.  Nothing happened in it
that I didn't already know about though.  In Cub Scouts, which is two ranks
below a tenderfoot, is when I learned all that I know now about camping and
survival.  (Tiger Cubs -> Cub Scouts -> Weblos -> BOY SCOUTS: Tenderfoot ->
Second Class -> First Class -> Star -> Star -> Life -> EAGLE.)  I think the
Boy Scouts of America is a wonderful organization.  Un/Fortunately, I quit
Boy Scouts when they became a little too critical of my progress.  I could
and was flying through the handbook, getting a lot of requirements for
ranks further on up the road.  It got to the point when I could have made
Star easy if it had not been for the time delays they put between badges.
I am more attracted to guys that act like guys.  It's so hard to believe
that Jack was could act the way he did last year.  He was a flaming
homosexual.  Jack was the stereo-type of a gay person.  He fit it down to a
"T".  Well, almost, he was into BMX bikes and rock.  But other that, all of
the stereo-types were there.  He would take with a lisp that could really
get on my nerves on a bad day, he checked himself in a mirror whenever he
came across one, he would scream a lot and he would whine.  All of those
were very fun to harass him for.  In review, I can't see how he stayed with
Sean, Mel and me.  For a whole year even.  We did totally make his life
hell.  But he kept with us.  I wonder why.
	God, I was so amazed when he came back to school.  He had filled
out.  Jack actually had muscle mass.  Last year he was just slim.  It's not
like he is some big, muscle-man now, he just has a lot more muscle than
before.  He had no muscle before, so it's easy to see now that he does.  I
guess that's why I am attracted to him now.  Was I attracted to him
earlier?

_______

That was Chapter Eleven.  Sorry I took so long.  That's life.  You can read
more of my stuff at http://th380y.net