Date: Sun, 12 Nov 2000 21:05:45 EST
From: KillerPizzaMonkey@yahoo.com
Subject: Just Don't Think I'm Not - Chapter Five

Hey, this is Chapter Five.  After a long wait, I know.  I finally got my
computer back.  Someone gave a trojan.  More is on it's way.  Stay tuned.
You can always email me with feedback at KillerPizzaMonkey@yahoo.com.  Or
you can visit my website and read some more of what I have wirtten before.
That's at http://th380y.net.  I am trying to get a dot com also, so be
patient.

Legal stuff: Don't read this unless you are legal.  That means that you
have to be 18 or whatever the law in your area says.  ALSO, you cannot read
this on any day that end in "y".  The only time permissable to view this
material is February 29th.


Josh
Chapter Five: Flutter, Flutter

	It was after 12 minutes of Pokemon when we decided that there was
nothing worthwhile on T.V.  There was nothing to do.  I wasn't hungry; I'd
seen all the movies in this house.
	"Hey, let's go listen to some CD's I bought last week."  Josh
suggested.
	Since when did people what a week to listen to a new CD?  "Sure."

	Hanson's new CD, along with NSYNC, Backstreet Boys and Aaron
Carter's were in a neat stack on top of the stereo on the dresser.  Jesus
Christ!  How can he like this shit? Josh pressed a button on the stereo and
a tray popped out from the top; he picked up the Aaron Carter CD . . .
	"Actually," I tried to keep him from playing The Party Song.  "I
don't really feel like listening to music."
	"Dude, com'on, Aaron Carter . . ." He tried to entice me.
	Get that thing away from me.  "No, really.  Let's do something
else."
	He caught some hint somewhere and he smiled wickedly at me.  "Like
what?"
	"Not that, man, sorry."  I flopped down on his bed and looked
around the artwork again.
	"Yeah, it's cool."  He took out a cigarette.  He look at me
expectantly again, he wanted my opinion.  I was fine with it.  I kind of
wanted one too; it's been a long time since I last had one.  His back was
turned to me when I stood up behind and reached into his front pocket for
the pack and his lighter.
	"Give me one of those."  I told him.
	"Whoa there, cowpoke," Josh said, "I thought you didn't smoke."
	"Only sometimes, this seems like a good time.  Are you going to
stop me?"
	I held out his pack, "I do have these."
	"Go ahead."  He dragged on his and made sure the ash fell into the
ashtray on the bureau table.
	I took out a red stick from the pack and held Josh's Bic to it.
The sweet cinnamon taste hit me as soon as the tip had come to life.  My
first drag was deep, tasting the cloves and feeling it flow deeper inside
myself.  A quarter of the butt turned to ash before I let out the smoke.
	"Chain-smoke much?"  Josh asked and handed me the ashtray.
	"Only when I haven't for a little under a year."  I tapped the ash
off into the tray.  Josh accepted my answer and I looked back at the
painting I had fallen in love with last night.  The sail, the guy lines,
the waves, the wind, the water all screamed out to me.
	"You really like that painting don't you."  Josh asked me.
	"'Like' is an understatement.  I love this painting, I love the
detail, I love the content and I love . . . I just love it."
	"Yeah, it is great."  Josh pulled a finger of the texture of his
grandfather's artwork.  "But I still don't see what you or my grandfather
saw in it."
	I went back to sucking on my cigarette.  His grandfather liked his
painting too . . . Well, yeah he had to, who would spend all of his time
painting such a beautiful thing and then throw it away?  Too bad he's not
around anymore, he probably could have shown me some pretty cool stuff -
maybe show me the U.S.S Enterprise or that Russian sub in San Francisco.
	"Did you and your grandfather ever go sailing or anything?"  I
asked Josh.
	"Yeah, once or twice, he taught me how.  It was really fun."
	"I've never learned to sail, but I've always wanted to."
	"I should teach you sometime."  He smiled at me.
	"That would be sooo cool!"
	"It's not that hard to learn either.  You just have to remember
when to reel or when to just let the line go."
	"Oh."

	We stood there in silence to finish off what remain of our
cigarettes.  The clock said it was 4:30pm.  I picked up a picture of Josh
and a middle-aged couple that resembled Josh; they stood in front of the
Golden Gate Bridge.  Then I picked up the one of him and the girl.
	"Who are these?"  I pointed to him and his parents, not really
interested in them right now, but making conversation.
	"They're my parents.  I guess I forgot to tell you their names:
Alice and Arnold."  He stepped over to me and rested his hand on my
shoulders.
	"And who's this?"  I touched the girl's face.
	"That's my ex-girlfriend, Mary.  I had to break up with her when I
found Kyle."
	"Oh."

	The next hours were a blur of the same.  It was just us making
small talk, me finding out about him and his family.  There was really
nothing we wanted to do.  I was starting to get cold feet about meeting his
parents.  I had no idea what they would be like.  Would they be nice?
Would they spit at me or at him?  I can't believe that you are bringing
home another boy?  Even though Josh had given me almost no reason to be
scared of them, I was still more nervous than a dog on that metal bed
waiting for his temperature to be taken.
	"Dinner" was started at 6:00, Chicken Teriyaki and Mu Shu Pork in
little plastic bags, pre-made.  "Just Heat, And Eat!" on the side of the
bag.  It was no doubt from Linda's Wok, one of those Oh-So-Rich-To-Go
restaurants on Lincoln.  I have nothing against those restaurants, just the
price.  Mind you I come from an ex-military family, where money was
something you don't come across everyday.  That was until my dad got the
idea to become a contractor and build 1/3 of all of the new houses
springing up in California and we hit it big.  We got a bigger house, more
stuff, new T.V., video games and an awesome car.  So, I still look at the
price and gripe about it.
	As I was trying to figure out where the food had come from, Josh
had taken out a small pan, some oil and turned the burner on - hint #1 that
Josh had no idea what he was doing.  Josh had a strange look on his face
when he came across the half-frozen Mu Shu- hint #2.
	"You stick it in the microwave on defrost or you add water to the
pan."  I told him.
	Oh," He said, "Thanks."
	I watched him haphazardly warm the Mu Shu Pork on the stovetop and
was ready to jump in whenever he needed help.  Damn, this boy does not know
how to even warm food up!  Did he have a maid or something?
	"Alright, it's ready," He said as he put away the oil, which he
didn't use, and took out some forks and plate.
	I took the plate that he held out to me and took some of the food
off of the pan.  It cracked when I prodded it.  This is so disgusting!  I
thought as I took Josh's plate out from under his nose and tossed it back
in the pan and covered it with its lid to defrost some more and actually
get warm.
	"You're new to this whole . . . food thing aren't you?"  I said to
him from the kitchen.
	"Well, um, that's just a new thing.  We just go tit and I didn't
know how to cook it, there were no instruction . . ." He was at that loss
of words again.
	"Don't worry about it man."  I flipped the around spatula so that
it looked like I was speaking into a microphone.  "Zach's the mack of the
pan and you know that.  Ummm . . . yeah."
	Josh gave me a goofy look and we both laughed at the dumb joke.  I
looked in the fridge and took out the O.J.  Josh continued to stare at me
as I poured it into a glass and drank it.  Geez, does this boy want a strip
tease?  That's a thought- Josh's parents coming in and seeing me with only
my boxers still on.
	'Umm . . . Hi Mr. and Mrs. Dae!  I'm Zach!'  No thanks.  I can
imagine that, especially with how my luck has been with Josh.  The smell of
noodles and pork hit my nose; the food was ready.  And it was 6:12.
	"Alright Josh," scooped the food onto the two plates and left
enough for Josh's parents, "It's done."
	"Alright," he yelled over to me.
	Josh tentatively tasted a little before accepting it.  "This is the
first time I've had Chinese from that place . . . Linda's Wok."
	"Yeah, I guess it's okay," I said, "But that place is expensive, I
almost never eat there."
	Josh shot me a look that said, "What are you on?!"
	"My family was always rich."
	"Oh."
	"Did your family always have it good?"
	"Yeah, kinda, my grandparents had lots of stock so they are worth
millions.  And the three uncles I have are all lawyers, like my dad too.
Except for Uncle Ross, he's a surgeon.  And my Aunt Peggy is a FEMA
employee."
	"Wow, and on top of that your mom is an interior decorator and your
dad is a lawyer."  Damn, his family . . . whew!  "What kind of lawyer is
he?"
	"He does wills and stuff like that."
	"So he works with a lot of old people."
	"Yeah, well, 50's to 60's.  That's all that I have met.  Some of
them are pretty prissy."
	"I'd imagine . . . so"

	The doorknob rattled.  Someone was unlocking the door, Josh's
parents.  My stomach felt queasy.  Oh my god, oh my god, I thought, here
they are.  Josh and I stood up.
	"Coming!"  He ran over to the door to unlock it for them.
	"Hey Josh!"  A woman's voice exclaimed.
	"Hey mom!"  Josh greeted her, "Where's dad?"
	"He's unpacking the car."  I was still standing in the doorway of
the dining room, 12 feet away from the door.  The door was blocking my view
of Josh's mom, and his mom's view of me.  Josh looked over at me and
signaled me over with a smile.
	"Mom, I want you to meet my friend, Zach Stoneson."  He pushed my
up in front of him.
	"Oh!"  His mom exclaimed.  She looked like the average, 50 year
old, soccer mom type.  "Hello Zach!  I trust Zach has been nice to you
while we were away."
	"Yes, Mrs. Dae.  You're son's a really cool person."  I said to
her.  Mrs.
	Dae's eyes glinted; She thinks we are going out.
	"That's good.  And please, call me Alice."  She smiled warmly at me
and
	Josh squeezed my shoulders.  "Arnold!  Come in and meet Josh's new
friend!"  Josh blushed a little when she said that.  Mr. Dae came up to the
door.
	"Hey Mr. Dae, my name's Zach."  I held out my hand.
	"Don't call me Mr. Dae, call me Arnold.  Nice to meet you Zach."
He had a bone-crushing grip on my hand.  Now I see who Josh gets it from.
	"We made dinner and there's some left over if you want it."  Josh
said behind me.
	"Let your dad and I go upstairs and wash up for dinner.  We'll be
down in five minutes."  She said, "We can finish un-packing later."
	Arnold agreed and the two went upstairs.

	"They seem nice."  I said to Josh.
	"See, I told you there was nothing to worry about."  Josh said to
me.
	Just then, his parents came down.
	"Alright, let's eat," Alice said.
	"I'm all for it." Arnold said.
	Josh and I sat next to each other at the table while his parents
served themselves up.
	"So, Zach, how did you meet Josh?"  Arnold asked me.
	"We have five classes together, so it was kind of hard to miss
him."  I replied.
	 "So, are you going to be playing any sports this semester?"  Alice
asked me.
	"Not this semester.  I am going to be playing baseball though."
Ah, baseball, the greatest sport in the world.
	"You're probably a really good player."  Josh said to me.
	"Yeah, I guess, my team has always won most of their games.  And we
were the state champions last year."  I smiled and thought about how
hitting the tie- breaking slam was; and then turning around to the person
who had doubted me and saying, "Pansy what?"  That had made me the all
around hero.  The star player for the Calistoga Colts.
	"What position do you play?"  Arnold asked me.
	"Shortstop."  I told him.
	"Josh used to be a halfback in his school's team, the Hornets."
She glowed with pride.  "They voted him MVP.  And he was also on the track
time he could run a mile in three minutes."
	"Mom," Josh blushed and a smile cracked on the edge of his mouth,
"I wasn't that fast."
	"He almost went to the county triathlon before he . . ."  Her
expression changed like a chameleon's colors.  "Before he hurt his knee."
	Arnold pushed back his plate, suddenly, finished.
	"I heard about what happened in Alameda."  I didn't want them to be
so uncomfortable, but I didn't know if I had just made them more
uncomfortable.  Josh shifted uneasily in his chair and placed his hand on
my knee under the table.  Arnold and Alice looked at each other and then
looked at me.
	Arnold grunted some indiscernible answer to what I had said.
	"Oh, you did, dear . . ."  Alice forced a smile, "That's good
. . ."
	"Well then I guess he told you he's a queer!"  Arnold looked
suspiciously at me.
	"Yeah."  I looked at Josh, who was avoiding eye contact with
anyone.  "I couldn't care less, he's cool."
	"Are you gay?" He asked.
	"Does it matter?"
	Alice touched Arnold's arm, he looked at his wife, and then at his
son . . .  and then to me.  "I guess not."
	"Zach, um, what do you do for fun on your free time?"  Alice
changed the subject.
	"I listen to music a lot, hang out with my friends and go to a few
parties."  I told her.
	"Do you have a girlfriend right now, Zach?"  Arnold asked me.  Is
it this guy's job to try and intimidate me?  Or is it because he is a
lawyer and knows how to cross-examine people?
	"Not really."  Think happy thoughts.
	"Do you have a boyfriend?"  He asked me, now staring me down from
across the table."
	"Umm . . . no?"  Great . . . now he knows.
	"Is he my son?"
	"Dad!"  Josh yelled at his father.
	"I just wanted to know if he was keeping you happy."  Arnold
growled at me with his eyes.  I swear I saw his cheek curl.
	"I don't think-" Josh started . . .  I cut him off, "Yeah, I am.
You don't have to worry about me Mr. Dae.  I know how to treat people
right."
	"Alright," Arnold laughed, "Don't get too upset.  I am going to go
upstairs and go to sleep.  It's late and that drive was tiring."
	"See you."  Josh said.
	"I'll be up in a few minutes," Alice said.

	"He doesn't usually act like that."  Alice had said once Arnold was
upstairs.
	"I think he just wants to make sure Josh is okay.  After
. . . Kyle."
	"Yeah, I heard." I said.
	"Do your parents know about you?"  She asked me.
	"Yeah, but they're kind of hands off about it."
	Josh was listened to us talk.
	"What do you mean?" Alice asked me.
	"Oh, mom is cool with it and dad is too.  They just don't talk
about it that much.  It's exactly how it used to be, which is good, but
it's also really scary; you know?"
	"Yeah . . ."  I could see the wheels turning in Alice's head.
"Arnold and I didn't respond very well when we found out.  Arnold wanted to
kick him out and I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs.  But then we
looked at Josh and Kyle and what was happening around us.  The people at
school had found out and were making it hell for them.  They tried to beat
my boy up.  And Kyle didn't even try to protect him, he turned on Josh as
fast as a rat runs for a rotten tomato.  He said he was straight and that
he and Josh had only fooled around once and didn't like it.
	"His parents hated us, and we were friends for years before.  But I
think that they hated their son more for changing.  And when Josh went with
Kyle's family to Portland they all turned on him, Kyle would beat him, his
dad would and his mom would stand over them screaming at him.  So, he came
back to Alameda and we moved out here to get away from it all.  We had to
start all over again, but we found things to do.  I found people willing to
part with their money for a good looking studio or house and Arnold found
people with more money than friends to leave a will for the few friends and
family they had."
	"Slowly, things got better, we hired a private tutor for Josh, he
made up all of the credits he had missed and that he needed to join the
high school here.  Once somebody buys our house in Alameda, we can forget
about most of the things that have happened in Alameda, thank god."  Alice
yawned and added wearily, "Well I'd better retired, it was along day
today."
	"'Night mom."  Josh kissed her.
	"Goodnight Alice."  I stood to shake her hand and she caught me off
guard by hugging me.
	"Take good care of my boy."  She said to me.
	"I will, I promise."  Why would I want to hurt him now?  He has
opened up to me and shared much more than I had imagined he would.

_______________________
That's it for now.  Email me:KillerPizzaMonkey@yahoo.com
Visit my site.  http://th380y.net