Date: Sat, 18 Nov 2000 05:11:06 EST
From: KillerPizzaMonkey@yahoo.com
Subject: Just Don't Think I'm Not - Chapter Six

Hey, this is Chapter Six.  I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, so
that's why it has come along so fast.  (IF THERE IS ANYONE THAT WANTS TO
PROOF READ FOR ME . . . EMAIL ME PLEASE!!)

You have to be legal to read this.  Not my rules but, hey, they're made for
a reason.  (Now that "No Skateboarding, Rollerblading or Bikeriding" Rule
is useless.)  SOOO . . . you gotta be at least 18 or whatever The Man says
where you live to read this.

Josh
Chapter Six: Dis-Association

	"I guess I should go now."  I said to Josh once Alice was upstairs.
	"Yeah . . ." Josh took my hands, "Can't you just stay here for
another night?"
	"No, sorry, I don't have any clothes for tomorrow."
	"We could go by your place early in the morning."
	"Sorry, man.  You'll see me tomorrow."  I walked to the door.
	Josh kissed me and I left.  Sure, he was sad to see me leave, but I
also needed to see what was up with Mel and Sean.

	"Hey mom!"  I greeted my mom at the door.
	"Hey Zach, where have you been all this time?"  She asked me, "It's
10:00."
	"Sorry mom, I was at Josh's house.  His parents came home from
Alameda and he wanted me to stay."
	"Well next time check in with me, okay?  I get worried about you,
Zach."
	"All right mom," And I headed up the stairs.
	"Call Jack and Mel!"  She yelled up to me.
	Oy, who should I call first?  Jack, no Mel, I put my hands on the
phone several times before realizing that I was more tired than interested
in calling someone.  But I wanted to anyway.  The phone was still at my ear
and it was ringing.  Whom did I call?  I for someone to pick up, but it
just kept ringing.  So, I put the one down and told myself to talk to them
tomorrow.  I'll definatly talk to Jack, but Mel was pretty pissed; I don't
know about Sean.

	I woke up to me mom knocking on the door, the clock said it was
7:00, time to get up.
	"Alright mom!  I'm up!"  I yelled at her.
	My eyes were stinging; the sun was positioned so that it was
staring at me when I woke up.  No use in trying to stay in bed with that
thing glaring at me.  For my shower I hooked up the stereo and played
VAST's (Visual Audio Sensory Theatre) "Touched" on a loop while I took a
shower.  I must have been in there for 20 minutes, because the song had
looped four times.  I got out of the shower, ran some mousse through my
hair and was about to call Josh to see if he wanted a ride when I noticed I
had a message.
	"Hey Zach," Jacks voice, "I was waiting for you to call last night,
but I guess you were tired or whatever.  Anyway, I'll see you at school."
	The timestamp was two minutes past midnight.  Sorry Jack.  I called
Josh and he told me that he would be using his dad's car, a green [Ford]
Explorer Sport.  That was good, I told him I would be waiting at the gate
for him.
	"I love you" is the last thing I heard before I hung up.
	Oh, shit!  I thought, I hung up on him!  But after I reprocessed it
through my mind again, I realized what he said, "I love you."  He probably
didn't mean it.  I've said that to more than a few girls before.  And
they've said it back to; it doesn't matter.  "I love you" is just a
formality; right up there with, "Nice to meet you" or "I lost my phone
number, can I have yours?"

	I pulled up in the student parking lot and walked towards the gate.
Mel and Sean were standing there.  Well, they didn't see me, so I could
just turn around and go through another gate.  But they saw my hesitation,
as a mosquito sees blood, they locked on to the scent and saw me.  Sean
made eye contact with me when I walked past them, but I passed through and
didn't say anything.  I was sure that they were whispering terrible things
about me.  "God, what a traitor," or something like that.
	Josh hugged me hugged me when he saw me.  I hugged him back and
looked around for some sign of Mel or Sean.  They weren't there; it was
just us and five other students who were too wrapped up in themselves to
notice two boys hugging.
	"Hi Josh," I was sincerely glad to see him.  "It's good to see
someone on my side."
	"Why, what's wrong?"  Josh looked into me, "Mel and Sean, right?"
	"Yeah, I don't know what to do.  I mean, I told them I was cool
with you.  And then they go and do that they did.  And they're probably
pissed at me right now.  And Mel probably wants to kick my ass.  And-" My
body started to tremble.  I remember losing friends, and Mel and I have
been friends for so long, Sean too.  But what happens if they never want to
talk to me.  Did I fuck up by breaking up the fight?
	"Ssshhhh," He pressed a finger to my lips, "Don't worry about it.
They'll get over it."
	His arms wrapped around my waist and we started to slow dance.
	"How long have you and Mel been friends?"  Josh asked me.
	"Since Kindergarten," I told him.

	I still remember how we met: my Kindergarten teacher had Mel show
me around the classroom, show me the little toys, the easel, the play
kitchen, the books.  We were friends since then we got along well.  I had
just transferred in from a different Kindergarten I got kicked out of, if
you could imagine.  And Mel didn't have very much friends, except for Sean,
her little lackey.  Sean has had a crush on Mel ever since Kindergarten.
He's not as devoted now as he was in second grade.  Mel had proclaimed
herself and me the Kings and Queens of Second grade.  She had also somehow
convinced Sean to be the Royal Court Jester.  We treated him like shit:
bark like a dog, splash water on the girls, chase the girls, tell Amanda
you like her.
	The amazing part was, he would always come back.  After he got in
trouble, went to the teacher and took all the blame, he came back.  That's
what drew us in I guess.  We stopped treating him like that after third
grade; we grew out of it.  Sometimes he would revert to those years and be
helpless without our commands.  He never wanted to grow up.  He was always
the Peter Pan of school.  And now he's on the football team, taking shit
from different people.

	" . . .Worry about it."  Josh's voice brought me back, "They'll
come around."
	We were stopped, still holding each other in the middle of a
rotunda.
	"Yeah," I said back to him, "I guess they are friends that will
come back.  We've known each other for way too long."
	"Let's get to class now."  He kissed me on the nose; my whole body
went warm and tingled.
	Wow.  "I love you, man."
	"I love you too, Zach.  Now, com'on, before 'last bell' rings."

	William Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet".  I think everyone in our
English class has seen the movie, which is the total Urban Version.
Ms. Anderson handed us all our books and a reading syllabus.  We were
supposed to read the book in a month, no problem.  She sold us the book for
the rest of class.
	"God, I thought she was never going to stop!"  Josh said to me at
passing time.
	"Yeah," I said back, "How many times did she have to say it was a
classic love tragedy?  I mean, everyone here has seen that damn movie
whether they want to admit it or not."
	We both laughed and said our goodbyes before we headed off to our
separate Science classes.  Another syllabus from Mr. Humphrey, we were to
learn about genetic mutation and it's causes, great.  A syllabus from
Mr. Green for social science we were learning about the embargo with Cuba.
P.E. was just wrestling, basic holds, no WWF stunts.  That was fun; I got
to wrestle around with Josh.  I'm stronger than he is, by a little bit.

	Jack came up to Josh and I while we were eating lunch.
	"Hey Zach!" Josh called out to me.  "Is that Josh?"
	Josh's ears perked up when he heard his name.
	"Hey Jack, " I greeted him, "Yeah.  Josh, meet Jack - Jack, Josh."
	"Nice to meet you Josh," Jack shook his hand.
	"Yeah, nice to meet you too."  Josh said back.
	Oh yeah, Josh doesn't know who Jack is.  "Jack is my best-friend
since last year."
	"You were right, Zach," Jack squealed, "Josh is soo cute!"
	Josh turned red and stopped eating for a second.  Probably trying
to make a good impression, meeting someone with his or her mouth full of
food isn't that great a look.
	"Yeah, he is."  I replied.
	"And you guys are so close after meeting three days ago?"  Jack
asked.
	"Yeah, I guess we just clicked really well." Josh replied.
	"Have you guys . . . done the deed?"  Jack grinned evilly.
	Josh looked into his Sobe for an answer, "No, not yet at least."
	Jack leaned forward and started whispering something to Josh.  What
is he saying?  Probably trying to pump him for information, like, has he
seen me naked?  How big is my penis?  Jack had a crush on me since he has
met me.  I call it the First Encounter Syndrome i.e. when you meet another
gay person.  It doesn't matter that you have anything else in common with
that person, just that you are gay.  And that's what happened with Jack and
I, he laid it down hard on my, the I Love You's flowers and things like
that.  He bought me expensive gifts.
	At first, I took them because I thought he was being nice, and then
I figured out what was happening.  Jack was heart-broken when I told him I
didn't have the same feelings for him.  But he quickly recovered when he
met another boy named Errol.  They hit it off big.  Three weeks later, Jack
found out that Errol was cheating on him with a twelve year old from
St. Helena.  Jack came to me in the middle of the night after he had gotten
off the phone with Errol.
	Jack's voice brought me back, "Don't worry, he hasn't either."
	"Hasn't what?"  I asked.
	"Nothing, don't worry about it."  Josh replied and both of them
giggled.
	God, they are gossiping about me now.  Time to change the subject,
I thought as Jack said something else into Josh's ear.
	"So what's up with Mel and Sean?" I inquired, "Are they hell pissed
at me?
	Jack looked at me and shrugged. "Mel really wanted to kick his ass
and Sean just wanted to watch, he was just a long for the ride.  But Mel
. . . Oohh . . . Mel was pissed!"
	Josh came around the table and slumped down next to me.  "That
totally sucks, first week of school and people already hate me."
	"They don't hate you, baby."  I ran my hands through his hair.
	"No, they're just confused."
	"See," I kissed Josh's forehead.
	"I love you Zach."  Josh looked up at me and made eye contact.
	He was reading me again.  But it wasn't like last time.  Last time
I think he read me to see if I was really as trusting as I was before.  Now
it seemed . . . I don't know.  He wasn't reading me to do something bad, I
know that much.
	"I love you to, Josh."  We kissed briefly before realized where
were we.
	Some people noticed us, Zach and Josh, two boys kissing.  Mel and
Sean saw us, I saw Mel get up and walk out of the door.  Sean stayed behind
and gawked.  Jack watched Josh kiss me; I could see the wheels turning in
his head.  God, Jack, I thought, you are lonely, aren't you?  Josh looked
around to the few people that were staring at us and then looked up at me
and giggled.  I giggled with him.  The bell rang it was back to a syllabus
from Mrs. Schimel my creative writing teacher.  We were to learn the art of
Poetry, Haiku, Prose, Epic, Repetition etc.  And the last syllabus of the
day was from Mr. Meyers, my Math teacher, Geometry.

	"Hey Zach!" Jack caught me after school while Josh and I had
separated to go to our locker.
	"Hey Jack," I greeted him, "What's up?"
	"I wanted to know if you wanted do something after school?"
	"Like what?"
	"Oh, I don't know, skate park, CD's . . . whatever seems fun."
	"Kind of spontaneous, eh?"
	"Spontaneity is a virtue my friend."  Jack said and smiled.
	"Well, I'm gonna go tell Josh I am gonna do something with you in
case he calls me when he gets home and expects me to be there.
	"Alright," Jack said, "Meet you in the parking lot by your car."
	Jack doesn't drive; he rides his bike or roller blades to school.
All part of staying in shape, I guess.  I have a mile to drive to school,
so I am perfectly happy to drive to school on cold days.

	When I had gotten within five feet of Josh's locker, I saw Mel.
She was holding him against the lockers.  Josh's backpack was by his feet.
Sean wasn't there.
	"I thought I told you to stay away from him, Josh!"  Mel breathed
into Josh's face.
	Josh was struggling against Mel's hold, "You can't tell me what to
do.  Don't you know he's on my side?  Why can't you just leave me alone?"
	"Why don't I just break your face?  Zach doesn't care about you.
After what you did to him, who could?  You're nothing but a little maggot.
No wonder you moved from Alameda, you probably couldn't take it there."
	"No!  Zach like me, he said he does!  He said he loves me.  You're
a liar!"  Josh shouted at her.
	Three or four people had hung around to watch round two of Josh's
beating, which wasn't going to happen.
	Mel slapped Josh hard, "No!  You stupid bitch, I don't like you.
Don't you get it?  I am the one that helps to protect Zach from people like
you!"
	"He loves me."  Josh had cracked, he was crying.
	Seeing those tears on his face, the red mark on his cheek, across
his right eye, something clicked again.  When I saw Mel let go of Josh and
get ready to punch him, it snapped.
	"Mel," I roared, my blood was boiling.
	I grabbed that bitch and I threw her into the locker across from
Josh.  She was shocked, how the hell could I be in the right place in the
right time, two times in a row!
	"What the hell do you think you're doing?"  I screamed at her.
	She didn't respond.  I slammed her against the locker again, there
was a bigger crowd formed.  No teachers yet because it all sounded like
someone slamming their locker shut.  But they would come when they heard me
screaming at Mel.  Mel still didn't respond.
	"Go damn it, Mel!"  I screamed at her again, "Answer me!"
	Her eyes were still wide, where did all of my anger come from?  All
of my adrenaline had left me when I saw that she wasn't going to cause a
fight then.  I thought about Josh again and I heard him crying behind me.
He was in a fetal position when I turned around.  Mel, you stupid bitch!  I
thought, look at what you've done.  One more burst of anger shoved her
against the lockers when she was about to peel herself off them.  My eyes
started stinging and my breath left me.
	"Josh?"  I felt like crying when I touched Josh.  "I'm here now
baby."
	Josh slowly uncurled and looked up to see if it really was me.
Then he stood up and hugged me.  He was shaking, shaking hard, down to his
bones.
	"Oh my god, Zach, I am so glad you came!"  Josh said to me, "I
would have been packaged meet if no one had helped."
	"It's alright," I told him, "It's okay now, don't worry about it."
	Mel came into my peripheral vision.  Her rage was gone; her eyes
were devoid of any feeling.  She stared at us.  Josh moved behind me, but
still kept contact but keeping his hands at my waist.
	"Mel," I waved a hand in front of her face.  "What the hell did you
think you were doing?"
	"I-I . . . he was talking shit about you."  She puffed her chest
out, like a soldier waiting for his medal.  "And I had to defend you and
then he started to throw punches and all I could do was pin him against the
lockers.  I'm glad that you came, he was really starting to scare me."
	"That's bullshit!"  He yelled from behind me.
	Mel was taken aback; she probably hadn't planned on Josh still
being brave enough to say something like that.  She definatly hadn't
planned on me being there.  She thought I had probably gone somewhere
. . . with Jack.
	"Mel, please, tell me what really happened."  I pleaded with her,
"I need to know Mel, please tell me."  She looked away from Josh and
resumed her stance.  "He was trashing you."
	"Mel, I was here before you even started to throw that punch.  You
had Josh pinned down and he was scared Mel.  He was nothing but scared."
	"He attacked me and I had to do something."
	"Liar!"  Josh spat out.
	"Mel," I stepped closer, so that I could feel her breath and almost
hear her pulse.  "You know I take a laid back stance about most things.
But when people fuck with friends, I go crazy.  You've seen me protect Jack
before."
	She nodded.
	"When a friend fuck with another one of my friends I am the one to
mediate the situation, right."
	She nodded.  There was movement in my peripheral vision and I saw
Jack push through a few people.  He frowned when he saw me confronted Mel
again.  She asked for it Jack, I thought.
	"But when a friend threatens someone they hardly know who is
someone that I love I go ballistic.  Mel, I love you to death.  But if you
don't tell me why you were try to pulverize Josh, I don't think I even want
to know you."
	I turned back to Josh a wiped some tears off his cheeks, still open
to Mel.  His face was read; he was going to have a black eye.  Jack looked
on.
	"How many times did Mel hit you?"  I whispered to him.
	He whispered back, "Three."
	"How hard?"  I asked him.
	"Hard enough," I touched near his eye and he cringed.  The tears on
my cheeks had gone hot.
	"Zach . . ." she said.
	"I don't think I even want to talk to you Mel."  I picked up Josh's
backpack.  "Write me an email or a letter, when you want to talk.  Because
I can't handle hearing your voice."
	Josh took my hand and I threw his backpack to Jack.  Mel's eyes
were glazed over when I walked past her.  So much for hanging out together,
Jack.
	"Jack . . ." He knew the rest.
	"Yeah," he sounded far off.
	"Talk to you later."
	"Later, man."  Jack wheeled his bike away from my car and rode
towards the skate park.
	I opened Josh's door and threw the bags in the back.
	"Zach?"  He said to me.
	"Yeah?"  I answered.
	"I love you."
	"I love you too, Josh."
	We kissed again before he got in his side and I closed the door.
	"Is anyone going to be home?"  I asked him after I had pulled out
of the parking lot.
	"My mom," he answered.
	"Alright."
	We didn't saying anything else for the rest of the dive home.  Our
thoughts filled the empty spaces between the car's engine and the
occasional pothole.

_________________
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