Date: Tue, 10 Jan 2006 20:47:20 +0000
From: Confidential Confidential <quistis15646@hotmail.com>
Subject: Just Life Series: Just Life Chapter 2
Author's Note: Thanks for feedback. If you don't want to see
people's comments and my reply, then skip down past the
Peoples Comments section. All feedback or hints and ideas of
what in include in the story can be sent to
quistis15646@hotmail.com. Please leave a first name or
nickname because I plan on putting everyone's comments into
the Author's Note of the next chapter and if you give an
idea what could happen and I use it, I want to give you
credit.
Peoples Comments
David- Have you ever written before?
(Yes, I wrote a Buffy the Vampire Slayer slash story
with Angel and Xander as the pairing.)
You are a truly amazing author.
(Well thanks, though I know I'm not the best, but thank
you, that means a lot for someone who's hasn't written a lot
of stories.)
I love how you give it subplot instead of jumping right into
sex.
(God, I can't sand stories that jump right into sex
either. It's like, it this just gonna be another porno story
and the ones I've come across are.)
Bill- I think I am going to like this story.
(I hope you do, if you don't, eh, what can I say, I am
an armature at this so I don't except the Noble Prize. I'm
surprised that anyone read it at all.)
TampaJoey- 1) The reader was not introduced to the character
in the beginning.
(When reading tips on how to write a good story, Nifty
said don't start off introducing the character right away.
Start in the middle of a scene.)
2) No idea how the parents died, or why the cops knew where
the home was, or the big brothers name and address. South
Ashfield we learn later. Evidently this is in the Great
Lakes Midwest? Most of the nation calls soft drinks soda,
not pop.
(How the parents died wasn't said yet. Again, this is
the first chapter, it'd seem boring if everything was told
at once but don't worry, everything should be explained. You
don't know how the cops know the where the Daniels home is
because you don't know how the parents were killed. These
two points go hand in hand as you'll see when it's
explained. Lindsey's brother is introduced, but his address
isn't because as far as I know, there isn't a city called
Aeon and I didn't think to make one up but I can later.
South Ashfield would be near the Great Lakes, yes. I've
always called soft drinks pop and most people at my school
do. What can I say; I just say something different than
everyone else.)
3) It is implied that Zack lives in another city. What city
did the story start in?
(The story started in Aeon. Lindsey is just telling us
what happened after he found out his parents were dead and
why he's now living with his brother Zack in Aeon.)
4) Evidently we are to assume Zack is a college student and
works nights? Doing what?
(I planned on having Lindsey go with Zack to work in
this chapter and it would be explained where Zack works and
what he does.)
5) Lindsey opened his door with an oriental marshal arts
kick? We don't know that until waaaay after it happened
(Really? Because after it says Lindsey gives it a
roundhouse kick, it states he pulls on the latch and the
locker opens. Or did you mean that Lindsey knew Aikido. Do
you really want to read two paragraphs of everyone's
description? I'd get bored just writing them.)
6) Most lunch trays are cleared and set on some sort of
belt, not thrown away.
(At my school, our lunch trays are Styrofoam and food
is placed in cut out slots in the tray. We're not a big
school where I live.)
7) Where does Zach work? What does he do that he can come
home early?
(Same answer as question 4.)
Max- I read your first chapter of "Just Life". I think it is
a very good beginning of a story. The situation where
Lindsey and his brother are in is very clear. I think things
go very fast at first but I think that is just because it is
the first chapter and probably more or less a sort of
introduction. I also like the fact that the story doesn't
immediately start with a sex scene. I like to see things
getting "built" up :-) I have a remark that maybe is
situated to the place where I live but Lindsey is here an
only girls name so I was confused in the beginning but when
the story went on I did understand it. I like the name
Lindsey.
(Looking up names on Baby Names World, I went to
advanced search and typed in `water' in the what a name
means box and Lindsey was a unisex name that came up and it
reminded me of Christian Kane who played Lindsey McDonald on
Angel the Series and Kane has blue eyes. Since my character
has blue/green eyes, I chose Lindsey as his name.)
Chapter 2
I pulled myself out of bed and sluggishly made my way
to Zack's nightstand and turned the alarm off. Yawning, I
made my way to the bathroom to do through my morning
routine. While brushing my teeth, I heard a knock on the
bathroom door and Zack's voice. "Lindsey, don't forget that
I can't pick up today so you need to find a ride home or
walk down to Heaven's Night and tell the Host your there for
me."
"Okay," I said after spiting toothpaste out of my
mouth. It puzzled me for a second because I thought Zack
worked at a car oil changing place. Stepping out of the
bathroom, I figured I ask. "I thought you worked at the oil
changing place?" Zack didn't look up from picking up
laundry.
"Only on days I don't have class, otherwise I work at
the restaurant. I have to be in early today because there's
some gathering happening and they needed a few extra
people," he said, dumping the laundry into the hamper. I
nodded my head in understanding before waiting for him to
leave the room so I could change out of tank top and shorts
and get dressed for school. I chose to wear a pair of
slightly looser then I usually wear jeans and a black, wide
neck, three quarter sleeve, form fitting shirt. Running a
brush through my hair, I shoved my notebooks into my
backpack. Tossing the comb onto my bed, I pulled my hair
into a pony tail near the crown of my head. Short layers
escaped and dangled on the sides of my face as I bent to
slide on and tie my black Sketchers shoes.
"Lindsey!"
"I'm coming, I'm coming," I replied as I lifted my
backpack onto my shoulder and left the bedroom. "How can you
get up so early, doesn't the alarm clock go off at 7:00?"
"No, it goes off at 6:30 and rings every five minutes
until you get up at 7:00," Zack said as he slid his leather
jacket on. We exited the apartment and walked down a flight
of stairs to the first floor and left the building and
climbed into Zack's black Ford truck.
***
My locker didn't stick today so I was happy for that.
Sliding my backpack off, I placed it on the hook in the
locker and took out my Geometry notebook. "Hey, Lindsey!" I
turned to see who call my name and saw Taylor walking over
to me. I didn't notice yesterday at lunch, but he was tall,
around 6' maybe 6' 1''. I reached down and grabbed my
Geometry book before closing my locker and turning to face
Taylor. The white blonde guy from yesterday was with him. I
noticed they didn't wear their football jackets today and
were dressed casually which brought up a question.
"You guys are on the football team, right?" They
nodded. "Well, some of the guys yesterday said see you at
practice. Isn't football season over?" Taylor grinned.
"Oh, those guys are on the wrestling team, say they
need something to do or they get bored. I don't wrestle
because I don't like the sport so I just workout when we
don't play football," he explained. I nodded my head. "Well,
come on, we don't want to be late for first hour. See ya,
Jay," he said, doing the knuckles thing with the white
blonde guy. Jay turned and headed for the stairs to go the
first floor while Taylor and I headed towards the middle of
the hall for Mr. Hanson's classroom.
"Hey, Ben's having this party later tonight, wanna
come?" Taylor asked me while we worked on our assignment. I
looked at him.
"I don't know, teen parties aren't really my thing."
With what happens at teen parties let alone college parties,
I didn't want to be anywhere near one.
"Ah, come on man, it'll be cool and meet more people."
I bit my bottom lip and thought about it.
"Well, I guess I could make an appearance," I said,
giving in. Taylor grinned that I found to suit him nicely.
"Can you get there or do you need a ride?"
"Uhh..I'd need a ride," I said. If I was going to this
party, I wasn't gonna tell Zack. Besides, I was only going
for a few minutes so it wasn't like I was going to be gone
long.
"Okay. Why don't you come to my house after school and
we can hang out till we have to be there," Taylor suggested.
I smiled.
"Yeah, okay.sure." Taylor grinned again before turning
his attention to his work. I bit my bottom lip as I thought
about what I was getting into.
***
After class ended, I went back to my locker to put away
my math stuff and grab my English things. Closing my locker,
I turned to start walking to class when someone caught my
eye. He had medium brown hair with his short banes spiked
up. He had amber brown eyes and judging by his, what I would
call James Marsters as Spike on Buffy the Vampire Slayer
outfit with the black, form fitting t-shirt, black faded
jeans and biker boots, he looked like trouble, but hot
trouble. He seemed as tall as my brother, maybe taller. I
always did like tall guys, no incest intended. Everything
about him seemed strong and in control and I could see the
six pack abs through the shirt. I bit on my bottom lip as I
let eyes quickly wonder over him.
I looked back to his face and we locked eyes. I didn't
advert my gaze from the shock that I was most likely caught
checking him out. He seemed to grin slightly. Our moment was
interrupted when I felt someone bump into me. I looked to
see a long strawberry red haired girl who looked like the
`queen of fashion' walk by. "Watch we're I'm going," she
said. I ducked my head slightly as I turned and headed to
class. I didn't notice Jay fall in step with me until he
started to speak.
"That's Carmen Miranda. She thinks she's above everyone
else, but that's just to hide the fact of how big of a slut
she is," he told me. I smiled and looked at Jay. He merely
grinned as we entered Miss Nadanova's classroom.
***
I have to say that a long lunch period was invented for
the purpose of us students to be free from classrooms. I
wasn't complaining. Today I was able to get a salad for
lunch so I took my time at the mini salad bar the school had
to make what I called, a simple yet perfect salad. I headed
for what I called the `Jock Table', thinking was weird that
twink like me was sitting at a table of jocks. But hey, I
can't complain. I noticed the `Spike impersonator' sitting
with a group of people who all seemed to wear black, but
they didn't look Goth so maybe one of those biker crowds.
Either that or they were into S&M. I shook slightly at that
disturbing thought. `Spike impersonator's eyes locked with
me and we just stared at each other for a few seconds before
one of his friends got his attention.
"So Lindsey, do you like Aeon?" Taylor asked as I sat
down. The table seemed a little empty for everyone that was
here yesterday. I tilted my head from side to side.
"Eh, yeah, it's a nice school, but I really haven't
been out and about to see everything. Where is everyone?"
Taylor seemed confused before his eyes looked around the
table.
"Oh, some wrestling meet or something, I don't know
really," he said, shrugging. "I could show you around Aeon
if you'd like, take a little cruise to see what this place
has to offer?" he asked, looking at me. I ducked my head and
smiled.
"Not to seem rude, but why are you being so nice to me.
You barely know me," I said, making eye contact. He grinned
slightly.
"You were new and I thought you'd want a friend, you
seemed like you needed one when you walked into the school
with head ducked down." I blushed slightly at his comment.
"Thank you," I said.
"No problem," he said, putting up his hand to do
knuckles with me. I grinned and pressed my knuckles against
his before we started to eat our lunch.
***
The rest of the day was easy with only art and computer
classes. It seemed like only a half hours had passed when
the bell rand for school to be over. I grabbed my backpack
from my locker and headed outside to find Taylor. I asked a
passing by student where the student parking lot was and she
told me it was around the east side the building. I told her
thanks before heading to where she was pointed. Turning the
corner, I stopped and looked at the hundreds of cars and let
out a sigh. I hope Taylor was out here somewhere. I started
to wander through the parking lot, looking to see where
Taylor was, when a voice got my attention.
"You must be the new kid I heard about, the one with
the eyes they said." I turned to see the `Spike
impersonator' sitting a large motorcycle. I smiled lightly
and ducked my head slightly. I heard him laugh softly. "It's
seems shy too. What's your name?"
"Lindsey."
"I'm Axel, I-"
"What do you want West?" I saw Taylor coming over. By
the looks both boys gave each other, it seemed they
definitely didn't like each other.
"Just saying `hey' to the new kid `Caid, why you got a
fucking problem with that?"
"Yeah, Lindsey doesn't run with your crowd so you can
leave him alone."
"Last I check this was the city of Aeon, not Stuck-Up-
Bitch." I tried to hold back a laugh that wanted to escape
at Axel's insult. Taylor seemed to be fuming yet when he
spoke, his voice was calm.
"With what you stick up your ass, I'm sure you'd know
everything about being `stuck up'." Taylor dragged me off to
his car before anything else was said and I could hear a
motorcycle start and speed off. I wonder what the problem
between them was.
***
Taylor drove me around the town for about an hour,
showing me all the `cool'
places. He stopped outside the Center Square mall, saying
you didn't know how great it was until you went inside and
he was right. It seemed larger and grander on the inside
with two floors. He took me on a fast tour of the first
floor but on the second floor, he took me into a few places
like FYE Music, Hat World, and a few clothing stores. I was
surprised when he took me to Dunham's, one of the mall's
larger stores to show me around. I wasn't into sports, but I
did like the track pants and sweat shirts you could by here,
but I didn't feel like buying anything so Taylor took me to
the food court.
The food courts itself was a giant circle where people
can sit and eat in a fake garden with fast food and 3
restaurants around to choose from. I wasn't hungry so I only
got something to drink while Taylor ordered a piece of
pizza. We sat and talked for a bit before he showed me the
rest of the stores around the mall. As we were checking out
Spencer's, he said it was getting time to head to Ben's
party. We left the mall and headed for Taylor's car, but I
was nervous. I hoped it wasn't a crazy teen party.