Date: Thu, 10 Dec 1998 19:36:42 -0500
From: Charlie <charlieje@mindspring.com>
Subject: Kenny_13

     This is a story about a love between two teenage boys. The usual
disclaimers apply: If you are under the age of 18, or reading such material
is illegal in your jurisdiction, then please leave this story unread
now. There are within the story explicit descriptions of sex between boys,
but that is not the main theme; so if your thing is reading stories that
are purely sex in nature then this story will probably not be to your
liking.
     The story is made up of both fact and fantasy. The people herein are
real, but their names have been changed. The rest of the story, as I said,
is a mixture of fact and fantasy, but frankly there is a lot more fact than
I had originally planned.

     This will be the last in the Kenny series having to do with high
school, since both boys will finish in this chapter and move on. I hope to
continue though, because there is much more to tell; in many ways the most
bizarre part of the story is yet to come.

			 Kenny_13: College at Last

     Time really started to fly after our "party" at Rodney's house. Before
the end of October I was extremely busy learning all the Christmas music we
were planning at the church. Mrs. Atkins had asked if I thought I could
play Handel's "Hallelujah Chorus", and of course I said yes. I found it,
plus a few more selections, a little more difficult than I'd expected; but
at that time in my life I had developed enough self-confidence at the organ
that I'd try anything! This was, I thought, truly my calling and I had
begun to seriously wonder if I should consider a career in music.
Musically, this Christmas was promising to be a great one!

     Kenny and I kept a really low profile after our experience. For the
time being I was content to be something of an outcast, so there were no
more parties and few dances. Our only dance partners were each other, in
the living room of the Collins home when we were alone. We both stopped
dating girls altogether, which kept us more or less insulated from the
social situations where not being "normal" would cause a problem.

     We got a new pianist at St. Lukes towards the end of October. She had
transferred her membership from another church in town, in fact the church
I had grown up in; I understood her reasons before she even told me. Her
name was Peggy Stephens, and she and I clicked from the first time we met.
She was older than my 17 years, but not all that much.  I think she was 20
or so. Her style was exactly like mine; she was pleasant to talk to, and
best of all, she had no expectations that our relationship would ever be
anything but musical.  She told me unashamedly that she wanted to become
the organist some day because she'd heard that I'd be leaving to go to
college. She could play the organ, but she'd had no training so by her own
admission she had a lot to learn. We became instant friends. It was truly
refreshing to have a friend, and female at that, with whom I could share
anything and everything with no threats, no concerns that something I said
would be interpreted as a come-on. Mrs. Atkins was still the boss, but she
limited her activities to directing the choirs and choosing most of the
music.

     The coming of fall marked a decline in the number of motorcycles on
the road, and with it my job. So I was again unemployed. Eventually I got
back on at the Phone company. I didn't tell them that it was temporary
because I probably wouldn't get the job; but I was beginning to wonder
again if it might be permanent. This was a full-time night shift job, which
seriously cut into our sex life. Not completely, mind you, because there
were still the weekends. I think the fact that we couldn't fool around
every night actually enhanced the times when we did get together, and Kenny
felt very much the same. A good example was Thanksgiving Day weekend.
     For those who don't realize, Thanksgiving in Canada is observed in
October, not November. It is always a Monday, so there is a three-day
weekend.  Kenny and I were both off, but we had made no plans at all. It
was understood that we'd be together, whatever we did.
     Monday morning, Thanksgiving, Kenny and I got out of bed around 8 AM.
We'd gone to bed the night before and 'played' for about an hour, time
enough for us both to anoint the other with our very special fluid, and
then to mold our bodies into one and go to sleep, our hands exploring each
other's bodies. I have never been able to find words to describe the
feeling of Kenny's back, his perfect bubble butt, his muscular and yet soft
shoulders. For his part, Kenny didn't care if I could describe it or not,
as long as I kept my hands busy.
     When we were up and showered, Kenny suddenly suggested "Let's go to
the beach!"
     "Are you crazy?" I protested, "It's cold!  It'll be deserted!"
     "Uh-huh," he grinned, "You catch on fast, my love."
     I didn't have to ask Kenny what he had in mind, that was perfectly
obvious from the look on his face. And so we borrowed the Collins car and
we were off. By noon we were parked in the deserted parking lot next to the
pavilion that had been such a madhouse only a little over a month ago. As
we'd expected, we were all alone.
     Kenny melted into my arms and looked into my eyes, a very slight smile
on his face. "You know I love you?" he whispered.
     "If I don't," I whispered back, "I must be kinda stupid, 'cause you
tell me every day. But did you know I love you even more?"
     "Not a chance!" He argued, "That's simply not possible! But you're
free to try and prove it if you like."

     And try and prove it I did. We'd never really done anything in the car
before, but we made up for lost time that day. We sat together for an hour
or so, just hugging and kissing, our breathing becoming more and more
rapid. I absolutely loved these loving times with Kenny - times when the
world stood still and we just kept our lips locked together while our hands
roamed all over each other's body. I thought we would just sit there in the
car, alone with each other, until Kenny started fiddling with my belt.
Before I really realized what was happening, he was deep inside me and I
was feeling his fullness, his beautiful 7 inch love probe as it slid gently
in and out. When he reached orgasm, his entire body went rigid and he
shuddered, emitted a loud "Ohhhhh, Charlieeeeeeeeeee!" and then I was being
filled with Kenny's more than ample load. It was the first time he'd done
that in quite a while, and it was so terrific I resolved not to wait so
long before we did it again, so intense was his orgasm.
     After we'd recovered, we dressed again and walked up and down the
beach. It was cloudy and cold, but we didn't notice. It seemed to us that
it had been so long since we'd been together like this, we just held hands
and walked about a mile up the beach, then back to the car where Kenny
insisted that I do the same to him that he'd done to me. I could still feel
the glow of his love-making, could still feel the incredible sensation as
Kenny's seminal fluid oozed out of my anus. I had decided long ago that I
preferred the taste and sensation of Kenny's loads in my mouth, but there
were times, like this one, when I was in a quandary as to which I really
liked better.  There was no question which Kenny preferred. As I was
shooting into him, Kenny had another bone rattling orgasm, just like
always.
      After we'd put ourselves together again, we just sat in the car,
listened to the radio, and tried to suck each other's tongues out by the
roots. It was absolutely heavenly, and we felt closer than we'd felt in a
very long time!

     The rest of the school year was pretty uneventful, so I'm going to
skip over it with just a summary. I spent a lot of time with Peggy, helping
her with the organ and learning piano techniques from her. I never did tell
her about Kenny and me and it was never discussed. There was no need, was
there? We talked incessantly, but mostly about music, our ambitions, our
likes and dislikes. I guess I grew to love her in a way, but not in any way
that was threatening to Kenny or to me. And maybe most important, we
covered for each other. If I had to work on a Sunday, Peggy played the
organ. If she couldn't be there, I played the piano for her. I had never
had a friend like Peggy before, and I was thankful for her.

     Christmas that year was totally awesome!  Peggy and I implemented all
Mrs. Atkins' plans and added a few of our own. If I do say so myself we had
one of the best music programs I have ever heard, and it lasted the entire
month of December.  I was treating this as my last Christmas at St.
Luke's, and I really wanted to get it right. I think I did too, at least to
my satisfaction. We played piano/organ duets, we each played solos, and of
course accompanied all the music the various choirs were doing. I felt my
commitment to leave wavering, I was so fulfilled here at St. Lukes.

     "Indiana?" I asked in total surprise, "What are you talking about,
Indiana?" It was early March, and Mom Collins had just called Kenny and me
into the kitchen and announced that she had found the perfect college for
us: An Engineering school in Indiana.
     "It's so right for you two!" She exclaimed, "I've already written to
them and they said there should be no problem, that all they need to get
the ball rolling is a personal letter from each of you, a copy of your
transcripts, and you'll be able to start in September."
     "Mom," I protested, "That's in the United States! I don't even know
where Indiana is! I don't know what the weather's like there, I don't know
anything about any college in the U.S., I don't..."
     "Charlie," Kenny interrupted, "Shut up!"
     "Excuse me?" I challenged.
     "I said shut up! Mom's found something, and the least we can do is
listen. So just quit with your pessimistic shit and give it a chance.
Unless of course you have a better idea."

     It didn't take long for me to realize that Mom had something here. It
was indeed a very small college, giving degrees in Engineering and Science
exclusively. It was absolutely made to order, and the fees seemed to be
within our reach. So Kenny and I got out what had been his dad's typewriter
and wrote our letters to Indiana Tech. Within two weeks, we were accepted,
and evidently on our way!  I couldn't believe it! Now, at last, our course
was set!

     Or maybe not.

Another two weeks passed during which we told the world that we were going
to Indiana to college, when the letters arrived. There was one for Kenny
and one for me. Even though they were clearly from Indiana Tech, Mom
respected our privacy and didn't open them. Fortunately, I got home first.
     "What's it say?" Mom wanted to know as soon as I had opened it.
     "Nothing really," I answered, "Just some of that welcome stuff, you
know, new students and all." I knew she wanted to see the letter, but I
managed to keep it from her.
     As soon as Kenny got home I took him aside and warned him not to
reveal the contents to his mom. The letter had explained that since we
would be foreign students and the school was required to certify to U.S.
Immigration that we were students in good standing and were financially
able to continue as such, we needed to keep up our grades, and we had to
show upon admission that we could sustain ourselves for at least a year.
They had done some calculations, they said, and they could only accept us
as students if we could show that we had $2000 in cash! I know that doesn't
seem like much now, but in 1956 it was like a million dollars!
     "I should be able to get pretty close," Kenny said, "I've got around
$1700 now."
     "I'm not even close!" I said ruefully, "I figure by September I'll
have about $1400. That's enough for my first term's tuition and books, some
extra for room and board, and I figured I could work from there."
     "So what're you gonna do?" Kenny asked.
     "I have no idea," I answered. "I'll probably go see my dad and kiss
his ass but I'm not that hopeful. Then maybe I'll just go with what I've
got and see what happens."
     "But they made it very clear," Kenny pointed out, "Unless you can
produce the cash, they won't admit you as a student. Maybe we should wait
another year."
     "No fuckin' way!" I erupted, "It's now or never for me. I just know if
I don't do it now I never will! And I don't understand you! You're always
the optimistic one, the one who always looks at the bright side of things.
And you want to give up? Not a chance! If I haven't learned anything else
from you, I've learned that we've got to go for it!"
     "You're right, Charlie," he said, "I know you can do it. Remember the
helicopters."

     We wracked our brains trying to think of ways to earn more money,
things to sell, but there seemed to be nothing. I went to see my father but
there was no help there. As soon as I told him I was going to Indiana he
bellowed even louder.  Weren't Canadian schools good enough? Why not forget
the whole thing because I'd never finish anyway, etc, etc. I won't bore my
faithful readers with the details, except to say very proudly that I didn't
lose my temper. I asked the question, answered the resulting third degree,
then thanked him and left with my answer: NO! Well, maybe I really was
growing up.

     "It's ok, Charlie," Kenny soothed when we were again in bed together,
"Mom will figure something out."
     "I can't do that," I sniffled, "She's been so good to me, and I don't
think she's having an easy time of it. I don't want her to know, Kenny!
You've got to promise!" I knew he would do anything I asked, especially
considering where my right hand was at that moment. His genitals were mine!
And when I held them tightly, he knew I was absolutely serious.
     "Charlie," he whispered, "I can't go without you!"
     "You won't have to!" I promised, "I'm going to Indiana, money or not.
I might not get in the first term, but I'm going! Now promise!" I said as I
squeezed his nuts gently.
     "Okay, I promise."

     Sometimes we get support and help in areas where we least expect it. I
had been carefully concealing my little problem because I didn't want it to
get back to the Collins house. I knew that Mom would come up with the money
somehow, but I also knew that it would be at her own sacrifice.
     "So where are you going to college?" Peggy asked idly one Saturday
morning after our regular rehearsal.
     "Not sure," I answered, "Kenny and I were planning to go to Indiana,
but I might not have enough money."
     "That's too bad," she observed, and little more was said.

     "You really like Peggy don't you Charlie?"  Kenny asked late one
Friday night. We were lying in bed, having just made love, and were now
doing our familiar after-glow activity: massaging each other gently, almost
worshipfully, all over.
     "Yeah," I answered dreamily, "She's a really nice girl. She's a
helluva pianist too."
     "Make a perfect match for you... she is so musical, you get along so
well... do you think..."
     I sat bold upright in bed. "No, I don't think!" I stated loudly, "What
exactly are you thinking Kenny? What exactly are you trying to say, that
you're suspicious because I spend so much time with her?"
     "Damn, Charlie!" Kenny said with surprise, "Calm down! I'm not
accusing you, just asking. How come you're so touchy?"
     "Shit, I dunno," I said sheepishly, "Now I guess I really am acting
suspiciously. But for what it's worth, there's nothing going on, if that's
your question."
     "Well it wasn't my question," Kenny said, the hurt very plain in his
voice, "But you've got to be wondering what she's thinking. I mean she
really likes you, that's obvious, and you have so much in common..."
     "We're colleagues, Kenny, no more. And I think she has to know by now
that I'm not interested. I know she never shows me any sign that she's
expecting any more than friendship. I know this sounds corny, but it's
really important to me that St. Lukes has a good organist when I leave. I
think Peggy is every bit as good as I am, and probably better."
     "What about you, Charlie? Doesn't it even bother you that I don't know
an A flat from a treble clef? Haven't you ever wondered what it would be
like with her? I mean, like having her as a girl friend? Being normal?
You've got to know you could have her if you wanted her."
     "No I never have!" I stated honestly. Well, almost honestly. "I've got
you... or have I?"
     "Of course you have! What would make you think any different?"
     "The last five minutes conversation, that's what! It's almost as if
you're trying to make something of nothing."
     "I didn't mean anything by it, honest! I was just wondering..."
     "Well, you don't have to wonder," I said angrily, "Unless of course
you want to." As soon as the words were out of my mouth I wish I could have
called them back, but of course we can't, can we? It seemed that I was
always flying off the handle like that lately, and I had no idea why!
Maybe I was growing tired of Kenny. But if I was, then what? Could it be
that my father was right, that two men simply could not live together in a
long, loving relationship? Could it be possible that I was falling for
Peggy and didn't even know it? I didn't know about all that, but I did know
I had hurt Kenny, again! He uttered a sheepish "Goodnight, I love you,"
rolled over and in seconds was sound asleep. I lay awake, wondering what
the hell was wrong with me. I knew without being told that I had developed
a very short fuse, and I had just allowed Kenny to go to sleep wondering
where he stood with me, something I would never have done a few short
months ago.

     It seemed like no time at all and June was upon us, and with it the
end of another school year: our last, at least in this old school. Kenny
and I totally murdered all our courses, coming out with all A's. Of course
we weren't surprised because the courses had little substance to them.  But
we were pleased anyway, knowing that our overall average would look a
little better. We worked hard over the summer, and before we were ready it
was approaching the end of August, and time for us to pack. I'd had my
eighteenth birthday which held little significance for me, the legal age
was still 21. But it did occur to me that for one reason or another, I'd
pissed away the two year advantage I'd had four short years ago. There was
something intriguing to being a college freshman at 16, but 18 year old
freshmen were everywhere.
     I had one piece of unfinished business that June. My little friend
Conrad had not returned to the choir, and I felt a need to find him and see
how he was doing. It didn't take much effort to find his address because he
was still on the rolls of the choir; so by the end of June I was walking up
to his door and pushing the bell.
     "Hi, Charlie!" Conrad said brightly when he opened the door, "How're
ya doing?" He had grown a lot, and was about as handsome a boy as I had
ever seen. His blond hair was longer and really complemented his facial
features, which had lost their cherub-like qualities and turned him into a
very handsome teen. He literally took my breath away.
     "Doin' fine," I answered, "Question is, how are YOU doing?"
     "Never better," he smiled, "I did really well in school this year and
I'm lookin' forward to a great summer!"
     "Can we talk?" I asked, "I mean, in private?"
     "Come on in," he invited, "My parents are not here. It's just me and
Amy."
     "Amy?" I echoed, "Your sister?"
     "No," he answered, "My girlfriend."
     "But I thought..." I protested, "I thought you'd figured out that you
liked guys." I should not have uttered that comment, and the look I got
said as much. That look also told me that he was still very uncomfortable
with himself, for whatever reason. But he gave me no clue as he led me into
the living room and introduced me to a very pretty girl about his own age.
We exchanged pleasantries, I tried once more to entice him back to the
youth choir, and tried to maneuver him into a private conversation, but he
was having none of it. Finally I gave up and left. To this day I don't know
what happened to Conrad. The next time I was in town he had moved, and I
lost track of him.

     "I saw Conrad today," I told Kenny as we had our quiet time.
     "Yeah?" he said with interest, "How's he doing? I already know he is
one great lookin' dude!"
     "Yeah, he is. But as to how he's doing, I really don't know. But how
did you know he's so great looking?"
     "I saw him at school a couple times. He's grown so much I can't
believe it! Where did you see him?"
     I explained that I'd gone to his home, hoping... well I guess I had to
admit I didn't know what I was hoping, only that I was concerned about him.
I told Kenny what had happened, about the girl he'd had in the house...
everything!
     "So what do you think?" he asked, "Is that the end of that? Was his
crush on you just a passing fancy?"
     "I don't think so," I answered, "He gave me a look that said nothing's
really changed at all. I really wonder about him having a girl friend. It
just seems so... so strange."
     "What if it's just a front?" Kenny reflected, "What if he calls
tomorrow and says he is ready for... well, you know... what if he did?"

     "What the fuck are you accusing me of now, Kenny?" I flared, "Do you
think I went to his house just so I'd see if I could get into his pants? Is
that what you're saying?"
     "Charlie," Kenny said in frustration, "You know better than that. I
went along when we fooled around with Timmy didn't I?"
     "Ok, that tears it!" I exclaimed as I jumped out of bed and went to
the other twin bed in the room, "If you're gonna throw that in my face, I
don't want to talk about it any more."
     "Charlie... Please, I didn't mean it that way..."
     "Exactly what way did you mean it, Kenny?"
     "Please come back, and we'll talk. I only meant..."
     "Damned if I'll come over there and listen to your accusations!" I
fumed.
     "Ok then," Kenny said calmly, "I'll come over there." And with that he
did. He threw his arms around me, and I shrugged them off. I had been
acting like a perfect asshole for the past year, and Kenny's answer was to
love me! He didn't care about winning arguments, didn't care about the last
word. All he wanted was for us both to be happy. This was the first time I
had left our bed, and when I'd done it I even shocked myself! Kenny
followed me and embraced me, and as always the magic of his touch, the
incredible sensuous control of his eyes, made me stop and think. This scene
had been repeated many times, and always there had been no apology from me,
not even an acknowledgment that I'd done anything wrong. But this time was
different.
     "I don't know what's wrong with me," I sobbed, "I keep hurting you and
flying off the handle at you, and I love you so much! I hate the way I've
been acting!"
     "Just relax," Kenny soothed as his magical hands roamed over my back,
"I love you even if you are something of a shit!"
     "Oh yeah?" I challenged, ready to fight. And then I saw the grin on
Kenny's face. That disarming grin, embellished with those deep brown liquid
eyes. "You horny fag!" I said with a breaking smile as I realized what he
was doing. So that night I was beaten to submission in the twin bed that
was never used: MY bed, it was supposed to be, but it had never been used
until tonight.  The sex that occurred that night defies description.
Suffice to say I went to sleep feeling a bit sheepish, but there was no
doubt in my mind where Kenny's love was directed.
     
     It was the last Sunday in August. This was my last day as Organist at
St. Luke's. I cannot come close to relating how I felt. This had been such
a special thing for me, so rewarding and yet stressful; It had imposed more
responsibility than I was ready for, but after a successful Sunday full of
services and whatever else I was so totally at peace. I wanted the day to
never end.  But now not only was the day ending, another chapter in my life
was ending. Next Tuesday we were leaving for Indiana.
     Peggy and I played a piano and organ duet. I loved doing those duets.
We always were in synch; we always knew what the other was doing and would
do next; each of us would play a solo part with the other accompanying.
Even though the piano and organ were situated about 30 feet apart, we were
like one person playing both instruments! Today we had chosen a
particularly moving arrangement of the old hymn "It Is Well With my Soul."
But as we played I felt the tears burning in my eyes. I knew as we played
that it was NOT well with my soul! I didn't want to leave this console,
EVER! I didn't want to give up my position to Peggy because among other
things, I knew that she would do a better job than I could ever hope to do!
The selfish side of me didn't want to admit that anyone was better than I
was, even though I knew it to be true.
     When the pastor got up to speak, he asked me to leave the organ and
come down to the platform.  "Today I have a task that is both pleasant and
unpleasant," he said when I was standing beside him. "Today we have to say
good-bye to our organist. When Charlie started playing the organ I had
serious doubts about one so young. Indeed he had a lot of rough edges, but
his youthful enthusiasm and eagerness to learn resulted in a drastic change
in our music program! You just heard the product of his efforts." He went
on and on about talent, dedication, all the usual stuff that people say at
times like this, and then he shocked me to my toes. "Charlie has a friend,"
he announced, "A very special friend. Kenny Collins, would you please come
up here and join Charlie?"
     "Oh my stars!" I thought. "Had he just outed us? Did he know? And if
so, how? What was coming now?" I looked at Kenny when he was standing
beside me, but there was no clue on his face that he knew what was coming.
     "Kenny and Charlie have been best friends for a long time," the
preacher went on, "And Kenny has always been Charlie's biggest fan. Charlie
spent many hours on Saturday practicing, and there were very few times that
Kenny was not seated with him on the bench, turning pages for him or just
supporting him. Kenny told me that he doesn't know music and has no
inclination to learn; but he was Charlie's most severe critic, in a
positive way.  I've never heard Kenny touch a finger to a key, but he has
still made a large contribution to the music here at St. Lukes. And now
they are both going off to college together. Kenny, Charlie, you two give
each other the same support in your new endeavor that we've seen here, put
your trust in God, and there's nothing you can't do!"
     Mrs. Atkins appeared and began to speak.  "Charlie," she said, "When
we heard you were leaving, then heard that your financial situation wasn't
all that you'd like it to be, we started a fund. I wish it were more, but
perhaps this will get you started anyway. I'm pleased to present you with a
check for twelve hundred dollars, collected from all the choirs and musical
groups in the church over the past few months.
     If I may, let me put this into perspective.  We have all been in
organizations and groups where such collections are made for one of the
group.  The usual yield of such collections is twenty dollars, fifty
dollars, perhaps as much as a hundred. But $1200 was totally off the page!
In 1956 one could almost buy a brand new car for $1200! How did they know?
How in the world had they collected so much? Why?
     My knees went weak. Tears erupted in my eyes.  Mrs. Atkins was holding
out both hands; one with the check in it, the other seeking mine to shake
hands. I ignored both and embraced her. Then I saw Kenny's face. He was
absolutely radiant! I threw my arms around him and we embraced, and we both
cried. Then we kissed. We didn't think about it, we just did it! I was
standing beside the pulpit of a large Baptist church, still wearing my
organist's robe, kissing unashamedly. And the congregation was applauding!
This had to be the most wonderful experience of my life up to that point,
and for a long time after! Yes, I now had more than enough money to start
school, but it was so much more than that. It was the love and concern that
I felt; the kind of love that Christianity teaches, demands even, but is
absent all too often.
     After Kenny and I released our embrace and got our emotions more or
less under control again, I felt I had to say something. I stood behind the
pulpit and said things like: "This is such a surprise," "Thank you," etc...
All empty phrases that really didn't mean anything and I knew that as I
said them. And then my emotions took over again, and with my voice breaking
I heard myself saying "I want everyone to know exactly what you've done.
Only a few people knew this, but the fact is I didn't have enough money to
start college this fall. I was going to Indiana with Kenny anyway because
that's just the way it is: where Kenny goes, I go. But now there's more
than enough to get me started, and I'm so grateful!"
     The pastor said a prayer for us, thanked us again for the past two
years, then he said, "Charlie, I'd like a favor if you're up for it.  You
played so beautifully last Christmas and I think we would all like to hear
you play the Hallelujah Chorus one more time, and that will be our
benediction.
     The Hallelujah Chorus? Man, that piece had given me so much trouble,
and that had been eight months ago! And I wasn't playing it to accompany
the choir, I was playing a solo! That was a totally different kettle of
fish! There didn't seem to be a choice here so I motioned Peggy to come
turn the pages for me, and we both sat at the console.
     As soon as my fingers touched the keys my mind went into neutral and
my emotion took over. I couldn't even see the music for the tears in my
eyes, but it didn't matter; it was as if every ounce of feeling and emotion
in my body was flowing into my fingers! I saw in my mind my mother's face
smiling at me; I saw Kenny four years ago before we'd even met; I saw
Robbie and his new bride Tanya walking up the aisle. I saw myself,
stumbling around town, so drunk I didn't even know who I was. Then I saw
myself wearing a robe and mortarboard, my degree in my hand. And then I
remembered something the Pastor had told me a few months ago. He had said:

     "The only thing that stands between a man
     and what he wants in life
     Is the will to try it, and
     The faith to believe that it is possible."

     I don't think I had ever played so perfectly in my life! It was one of
those times when I knew I'd done it right. I didn't have to be told, I
knew! But it had a very odd effect on me. From that day in 1956 to this, I
have never again sat at the console of a pipe organ! (Well, that's not
quite true. As I told a very special young man I've met as a result of this
story -- not sexual, just a very special friend -- I sat at the organ last
Sunday night as we rehearsed for our Christmas program and I played, and
remembered!)

     "Jeez, Charlie," Kenny scolded as we drove home, "You kissed me right
in front of everyone!  Don't you think that was a little brazen?"
     "Probably," I answered, "But I've got a feeling that everyone knows
anyway. From what he said I'm pretty sure the preacher knows."
     "It didn't seem to bother him." Kenny observed.
     "Yeah," I agreed, "I noticed that too. I guess that's just the kind of
guy he is. I'm gonna really miss that church."

     After we made love that Sunday night I astonished Kenny and, for that
matter, myself. As we lay there together, my eyes welled with tears and I
began to cry.
     "What's wrong, Charlie?" Kenny asked as he turned to face me.
     "I really don't know," I answered, "I've been wanting to get the hell
outa this town since I was 12, and now it's happening and I feel like my
whole world is crumbling. I been treating you so bad it's a wonder you
don't throw me out... I'm just so screwed up..."
     "You hear me complaining?" he countered, "And as for losing your
world, you are sort of. But we gotta move on, Charlie."
     "That's just it!" I sobbed, "The worse I treat you, the kinder you are
to me. What's with me, anyway?"
     "You're so tense it's a wonder you don't explode!" he whispered as he
ran his hands over my back and shoulders, "Let me give you a massage."
     "Just do what you're doing," I instructed, "That's the best feeling in
the world. If that magic hand of yours doesn't relax me, nothing will!"

     Monday was a day for saying our good-byes and cleaning up loose ends.
That meant a trip home for me, which I wouldn't have done at all but Mom C.
insisted. My father was in the den, tying fishing flies. We had a more or
less pleasant conversation, and then I said I had to go. "Ok," he said as
he tied a thread and cut it off, "Take care of yourself." He was pretty
disgusted that I was going so far away just to go to college, and for
Engineering at that!

     As I was leaving Mrs. MacDonald grabbed my arm. I should tell you
about Mrs. MacDonald. She was a wonderful old lady, literally 95 years old
and spry as a chicken. She had rented the room upstairs that I used to call
mine. She was really cool... one of the few things about this house that I
still found pleasant and attractive.
     When I turned to face her, she gave me a quick peck on the cheek, and
handed me an envelope. "Open this after you've gone," she whispered. I did,
as soon as I was back at the Collins house. Inside there was a crisp new
$20.00 bill and a note. It said in her 95 year old scrawl, "Be good and
you'll be happy, but you'll miss a lot of fun." I read it and re-read it,
then I looked at the 20 and I smiled. And then I cried.

     "This is our last night in this bed for a while," Kenny grinned as he
slipped his hand inside my boxers, "We kinda have to make it something to
remember, don't ya think?"
     "Sleeping with you is always memorable," I answered. At the same time
another part of me was responding to the call as well. We kissed, long and
deep and wet, and then I slithered down and looked his love probe in the
eye. I remembered the very first time I had taken this position, how scared
I'd been. Then I remembered how wonderful it felt and tasted. It was better
now because I was ready for it, knew what to expect, was never
disappointed. I also realized, as I took Kenny's most prized possession in
my mouth, that it had been a long time -- too long -- since I'd last tasted
his orgasm. Tonight I would end that drought.
     I didn't move into a 69 tonight; I wanted all my concentration focused
on giving him pleasure, and I wanted him to concentrate on what I was doing
to him. I sucked hard, then released. I got him so wet the saliva was
dripping from the action down between his legs and onto the bed. I paused
to wet my finger, then resumed sucking while I slid the wet finger into his
anus. "Ohhhh YESSSSS!" he whispered as he ground his tail into the bed,
driving my finger in further. I could tell he was close so I stopped. He
begged me to keep going, but I resisted. I slid up and gave him a kiss full
on the lips. Our tongues danced a dance of pure and total love, complete
commitment, unashamed devotion.
     I worked my way back down to his raging erection, which was now
screaming for release. His boxers were still on, which to me made the whole
scene that much more erotic. I took him in my mouth again and was rewarded
almost instantly by that little shudder, a quiet exhale of air, and an
explosion in my mouth. It was absolutely exquisite!

     "Man, you're good!" Kenny exclaimed after I'd kissed him, sharing the
contents of my mouth with him.
     "I got pretty good materials to work with," I grinned.
     "Did you cum?" he asked, "You had me so far in orbit I don't
remember."
     "Not yet," I said, "But I'm in no hurry."
     "I am! I want you inside me so bad!"
     "Okey dokey," I grinned, "But first, I gotta tell you I love you a few
thousand times to make up for all that shit the past few months."
     "You already did make up for it," he said as he slid his boxers down,
"Now are you gonna make love to me or not?"
     I did make love to him, and it was about the sweetest time we'd ever
had together. We lay side by side with Kenny's back to me and I slid easily
into him. We couldn't get as much penetration that way, but tonight that
wasn't important. What was important was that we be united, and not for
just a few moments, but as long as humanly possible. My raging hormones
were demanding a quick release, but I refused to let them win this battle.
We very slowly moved back and forth, both totally relaxed as I slid in and
out. Every time I felt that it was about to end I stopped, and Kenny,
sensing what was about to happen, stopped too, until the urge passed. My
arms were wrapped around him and my hands were exploring his now familiar
body. It was hard and muscular from all the swimming, but still had the
softness of an immature boy. I tried not to put value on the physical
aspect of our relationship, but at times like this I couldn't help it. I
cannot say for sure how long we kept it up because time was unimportant. In
fact I wouldn't be surprised if someone told me that time stood still for
the next thirty minutes or so.  When I finally could hold on no longer and
Kenny felt the first of many volleys being injected into him, he responded
by releasing his own load. His shudder only served to make my orgasm more
intense.
     When we had finally come back to earth, I wanted to talk as was our
custom; but it was not to be tonight. Kenny had dropped off to sleep almost
instantly, with me still inside him. I hugged him, kissed his shoulder, and
I went to sleep too. I slept more soundly than I had for over a year. As I
dropped off I remember thinking what right do I have to be depressed? It
just doesn't get any better than this!

     The trip to Fort Wayne, Indiana was a long and grueling one; seventeen
hundred miles to be exact. There were no Interstates and few turnpikes, but
mostly two-lane roads, unfamiliar and definitely not conducive to driving
much more than 60, if that. Mom C. had insisted on driving us, despite our
objections. "You're both underage," she told us, "And I want to be sure you
get registered properly, find a place to live, and get yourselves a car.
I'm sure there will be lots of signatures required and I don't want you
having to wait for the mail." We both knew it was just a mother making sure
to get her son (sons???) well settled. Robbie came too, to help Mom drive
back home. We had a good trip, really, with three days cooped up in a car,
nothing to do but talk. Kenny and I were so hyper it was difficult to
settle us down to any meaningful conversation, and now that I think of it,
I can't think of a single thing we talked about in the car, even though we
talked incessantly.
     The second night on the road we were treated to an unexpected event.
When we decided to stop for the night Robbie announced we were only a few
miles from Niagra Falls. "COOL!" Kenny almost shouted, "We're gonna have
ourselves a honeymoon!"  Mom looked at him, shock written all over her
face.
     "Don't look so surprised, Mom," Robbie grinned, "You don't think
they've been sleeping together for four years and only play Monopoly!"
     "I--I guess not," Mom acknowledged, "I guess I was just happy not
knowing."
     Robbie, bless his big brother heart, paid the extra for Kenny and I to
get our own room. We had all shared a room last night and that was the plan
for tonight, but thanks to him we had a room all to ourselves. So as soon
as we were settled, Kenny and I went out on the town alone. We had a really
nice meal at an Italian restaurant, and then we went to view the falls. As
anyone who has been there can attest, it was totally beyond description.
Kenny and I stood at the rail, just marveling at the volume of water
cascading over the brink, and exchanging "I love you!'s" If we'd had to
turn back right there and go back home, the trip would have been worth it.
As it got dark they turned on the lights, and the sheer majesty of the
sight took us by surprise. As we stood there leaning on the rail, Kenny
turned to me and kissed me. In a crowd of thousands of people, he kissed me
and whispered "Now I know how to describe my love for you. It's a thousand
times more wonderful than all we're looking at!
     The next morning, we three boys coaxed Mom C. that we had enough time
to check out the Maid of the Mist, and so we did. Kenny and I were both
enjoying the "glow" we always felt after pretty intense sex. It was so
incredible! For those who don't know, the Maid of the Mist is a small boat
that takes tourists right up to the base of the falls. We were all issued
heavy rain coats and hats because we were so close the spray from the
falling water it was as if we were in a deluge of rain heavier than I can
describe. I stood on the deck, getting thoroughly drenched in spite of the
heavy slicker, one arm around Kenny and the other around Robbie, totally in
awe of the power of the water falling only a few feet from us. I think I
could have stayed there forever! But all good things must end, and by noon
we were back on the road.

     We got in to Fort Wayne late Thursday night - about 3 AM if I remember
correctly. We found a Holiday Inn and checked in. Next morning Mom was all
business. She began searching for a place for us to live, having already
decided that campus dorms were too expensive and limiting. She assigned me
the duty of finding a good used car, since I was the mechanic of the group.
With more luck than skill, I found us a '49 Chevy that later proved a very
reliable and trustworthy ride. To this day I am a serious Chevy devotee,
and it all started with that old car I bought for $150.00.
     Mom introduced us to the joy of shopping the Goodwill and Salvation
Army stores. Kenny and I didn't know such a thing existed, but over the
next four years we would spend many hours there!  We bought some used
clothing, kitchen utensils, appliances, and an old TV that didn't work, but
I assured Mom that we could probably fix it.
     By Sunday afternoon we were in our own furnished apartment, Mom had
bought us a week's supply of groceries, a used washer and dryer which we
installed in the large bathroom, and was busily arranging kitchen cabinets,
furniture, and generally getting us settled. Kenny and I each had our own
bedroom, but we announced that we'd be sleeping together anyway so we were
going to put the TV in the other room and make it a sitting room. "But I
thought," Mom said, "just for appearance sake, you'd want your own
bedrooms."
     "I'm gettin' a little tired of 'appearance,'" Kenny answered, "We just
want to be ourselves."
     "Are you sure you're ready for that?" Robbie questioned.
     "No," Kenny answered, "But we never will be ready if we wait for
things to change." I wasn't near as sure as Kenny, but I admired him
because at least he was taking a stand.
     By Monday night Kenny and I were officially Tech students, and Mom's
work was done. Her plan was to leave Tuesday morning, only one week after
we'd left home. I was astonished at how organized she was; how she had
thought of everything! Robbie had to go back to school to pick up a few
more courses, he had a new job, and of course their new baby girl that I
forgot to tell you about. So we were up early on Tuesday morning saying
good-bye to Mom and Robbie. She cried as she kissed us good-bye, and to be
honest so did we. By 6 AM they were gone, and Kenny and I were alone in
our new little love nest. Classes were to start tomorrow. We embraced
tenderly, then Kenny whispered "Let's go back to bed." He didn't have to
say it twice.

     "Man!" Kenny exclaimed as we lay there, staring into each other's
eyes, "I can't believe it! We're all alone, and in our own place! We're
together, Charlie! Is that awesome or what!"
     "Shut up and kiss me!" I uttered. He did both. We were both sorry to
see Mom and Robbie leave so soon, but at the same time anxious to get on
with the task of getting used to taking care of ourselves totally. It was a
really cool feeling, especially lying in bed with such an incredible person
as the one kissing and caressing me. "I think this is gonna work," I said
with a grin when we finally came up for air, "Yep, I think this is gonna
work just fine!" We didn't do any more than lie together and kiss, there
was no need. Just being together, starting to build a life, discovering all
the aspects of our new environment, were more than enough for us.

     Predictably we were very nervous on our first day of class, but we
quickly learned that it was nothing like the high school we'd just left. We
were treated more like adults, quickly learning that although there was
lots of homework, no one really gave a rodent's rectum whether we did it or
not. We also learned that Indian Tech was different from what we'd expected
in many respects, and, from what we'd been told, it was different from most
colleges.
     Because the curriculum was almost entirely Engineering, it was
basically an all male school.  Females were not officially excluded, but in
1956 there were very few females interested in Engineering. I think out of
a student body of 1200 or so, there were never more than three or four
females. Of course this fact had a serious effect on student social life,
which was fine with Kenny and me. We found that we could go to just about
any function on campus together and no one took any notice.
     Most of the students at Tech were in their mid 20's and married. In
1956 the draft board was still very active, which meant that every able
bodied male spent two years in the Armed Forces.  After they were
discharged there was a program called the G.I. Bill, which paid a large part
of the cost of secondary education. Because these guys had not only spent
two years in the army, but also were married and in some cases had
children, Kenny and I discovered that the atmosphere was all business, all
serious study, which was a very pleasant surprise for us. That's not to say
we didn't have fun, but the "fun" part was kept more in perspective.
     There was another big difference at Tech. For reasons I have never
figured out, it seemed to be a Mecca for foreign students. There were Asian
Indians, Orientals, all sorts of Arabs, Hispanics, Germans, Canadians.
There was even one person from Africa, a very black man who was reputed to
be the son of a tribal chief. He even had huge scars running down both
sides of his face which looked to me like a lion had worked him over. In
fact the scars were the result of some tribal ritual. I found him intensely
attractive, but I never got to know him. I have often wondered what might
have happened if I had. It also seemed to us that Tech was much more
integrated in 1956 than the general population, probably more by default
than by legislation or design. But the diversity of people and cultures
sure made for a fascinating time for two queer boys from small-town Canada!

     So we found ourselves once again the members of several minorities: We
were young teens just out of high school where most of the student body
were more mature; we were single, in the heterosexual sense, where most of
our classmates were married. And of course the old faithful: we were still
gay in a straight world.

				   * * *

     We had a lot of fun in college, met both friends and enemies in some
of the most unexpected places. In the next chapter in the series I will
attempt to describe those things that, looking back 40 years, stand out to
me as most important or most significant in our development as young
adults.

     As always, comments, suggestions, criticisms are welcome. Please email
charlieje@mindspring.com