Date: Thu, 15 May 2008 23:59:28 -0400
From: Joe Barker <jbark217@gmail.com>
Subject: High School / Kyle and Andy

	"Pain, tell me what you think pain is? Does it hurt worse to have a
bruise so visible that people stare, or does it hurt worse to have a piece
of your heart ripped out by your father as he hits you? I am lucky I have
two great earthly parents and many more heavenly guardians watching out for
me, but some people are not this fortunate." --Scrypt

School of Love:
Kyle & Andy

	I grew up in a school that came from all around. It was a small
school and it was the only High School in the city. If that tells you
anything about the city, then you will know how small of a city it is. I
know most of the people that I went to school with, and I had known them
since we were born. Same daycare, same Elementary, same middle school, and
the same High School. None of us were any closer for it; a few of us had
found good friends with in the groups that we tend to hang out with. I was
one of the lucky ones that had found my friends. My name is Andy.
	I was probably small for my age but it never bothered me that much,
I was smart and could usually out smart any problems I had. There was only
one person outside of my parents that could scare me, and his name was
Kyle. I had short brown hair, kept cut clean and I wore nice clothes. I was
skinny and a slight tan, cute by most girls' standards. I was 14 a young
freshman in high school. Puberty had been very kind to me; I was already
through what I knew to be most of it, and I didn't get affected with acne
or any of that other teenage stuff. My father was the Sherriff of the city
so I knew most everyone and was well liked. I wasn't popular in school but
no one (besides Kyle) picked on me, so I was happy.
	We had a school bus but most people lived close enough to either
walk or are driven so we did. Walking to school was one of the times that I
had to always be on my guard and make sure I bit my tongue. Walking to
school involved going from my house to the school and by the bridge. This
bridge was what I didn't like. It was where for 3 years now a boy name Kyle
decided he would wait for me and then slap me around until I gave him my
lunch money. The one time I made the mistake of telling my dad was the day
he punched me in the chest, right where no one would see unless I lifted my
shirt.
	He was taller than me by a few inches now, and stronger. He had
dirty blonde hair that he kept shaggy and un-neat. His clothes always
looked to be second hand and he never seemed to have any friends, of course
he took pride in that fact by making sure everyone around him feared
him. His eyes were crystal blue, and even through the pain he was
inflicting there was a sadness in his eyes.
	I didn't have time to explore the sadness as his hand came up fast
and grabbed the front of my shirt. I threw my hands up in front of my face
instinctively as he drew back a fist. He was able to lift me off the ground
which always scared me because it left me completely vulnerable.
	"Hand it over, dweeb." He said maliciously.
	"Here!" I scraped around in my pocket for my lunch money and thrust
it up in the air. He snatched it from my hands and dropped me.
	"And don't forget that tomorrow is Friday, that means I'll be
expecting desert money too." He laughed and aimed a well placed kick to my
stomach which didn't hurt but knocked all the breath out of me. I stood up
as he was walking away and brushed myself off, taking shallow breathes all
the while. I wished that I was strong enough to stand up to him.
	I went the entire day thinking of what I could do to get even with
him; I actually wanted to hurt him. I failed to actually pay attention in
classes I just spent my time writing things down, just ideas and other
things that I felt the need to write down.
	That night as I lay in my bed I picked up my Bible and closed my
eyes. I was religious, but I didn't hold the Bible standards most
Christians did. I prayed.
	"Lord, please help me see what the best way to deal with Kyle is. I
need your help and your guidance." I whispered the prayer and then slowly
opened the book to a random page and read the first thing my eyes fell on.
	Romans 12: 9-10 "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to
what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one
another above yourselves." What did this have to do with us? I was getting
pretty adept at being able to apply the words to my situation but this
completely blew away my perspective. Was God telling me to forgive him and
befriend him? I would give it a try; my anger gave way to my curiosity,
what was the sadness in his eyes?
	The next day I got ready for school quickly and cheerfully. I
walked all the way to the bridge and smiled when I saw him.
	"How are you today Kyle?" I smiled at him.
	"You crazy?" He said confusedly.
	"No just showing you that there is another way then fighting, here
ya go Kyle." I handed him my lunch money and smiled at him. I was trying my
hardest to be extremely nice in hopes that he wouldn't hit me.
	"Thanks twerp." I smiled at him and went to walk by him almost with
a spring in my step, but apparently not enough spring, seeing as I couldn't
bounce over his foot as he stuck it out and I fell flat on my face. "See
you Monday, dweeb."
	I hit the ground with my fist and got up brushing myself off. I
would have to take a more direct approach and I was not planning on waiting
until Monday to have him hit me again, we were going to settle this.
	School went by in a blur and I was walking out the front doors
after the final bell before I knew it. I saw him leave a crowd by pushing
his way through and I started to follow. He ducked through a few alleys in
the town and ended up in a wooded area. He walked down a small grass trail
through the woods and into a clearing where a rundown trailer sat. It was
strange that I hadn't known where he lived. My father was Sherriff and I
had been all over the town.
	A man, he looked like Kyle only older and uglier, came rushing out
of the door. He was wearing a mechanics jumpsuit and looked greasy already.
	"You got any money boy?!" He yelled at him as he walked toward him.
	"No dad I don't." Kyle almost whimpered out. The man raised a hand
and swung it hard at Kyle, hitting him square in the back of the head. Kyle
fell down and I could see him holding his head in pain. The man jumped into
his truck and sped down a gravel drive away from me. Every ounce of anger I
had for him fled from me as fear and sadness for the boy enveloped me. I
did probably the most stupid thing I could have chosen to do at the
moment. I made myself known.
	"Are you ok?" I asked as I rushed forward and put a hand on his
shoulder. He shrugged it off and jumped up, wiping his eyes with his
sleeve.
	"What are you doing here?" He yelled and raised a fist to hit me.
	"Go ahead hit me." I said stupidly and I stood my ground staring
into his painfully sad blue eyes.
	"Nah, it's not worth my time." He dropped his hand and looked at
me. "What are you still doing here?" He looked angry and embarrassed.
	"Are you ok?" I asked sympathetically.
	"Don't act like you care or even know. What do you know? Your
father cares; you think my father ever cared to give me lunch money every
day?" He flushed again.
	"I'm sorry, I didn't know." He raised his fist to hit me again. I
flinched but I stayed where I was.
	"You got some guts Andy." He chuckled.
	"Want to go inside and play some games?" I asked him randomly, it
was the first thing that came to mind.
	"Do what?" He stammered as confusion flooded over his face. "I
don't have any..." his face flushed and he looked down at the ground.
	"How about we go to my house and we can play mine, maybe order a
pizza too. What do ya say?" He looked up and gave me a look like he was
trying to figure out something. He nodded and smiled.
	"That might be fun..." We turned and slowly walked back towards my
house. It was strange walking with someone that had tripped me earlier that
day. He had tormented me for almost three years into my life and here we
were almost walking together like we were friends. There wasn't much
conversation going on between the two of us. We were insight of my house he
asked me a question.
	"So, do you have both of your parents?" He looked over to me.
	"Sort of, My Dad and I live here and my mom lives in New York or
something. They are divorced, and she's not very influential in my
life. You?" I didn't mean to say it but it was habit to return the question
when asked something like that. This could lead to a very awkward
conversation if he chose to answer it.
	"Nah..." He shook his head looking at the ground. "...my mom died
when I was real young, things were good till then..." he trailed off there
and I knew that this was a good moment to either let him talk or change the
subject.
	"What do you like to do...I mean besides beat me up." I joked
hesitantly but my words felt right.
	"Yea...about that...I guess I'm sorry..." He began to say.
	"Don't worry about it...I tend to think that things can only get
better if they are bad." I said almost merrily.
	"...yea...right...but what do I like to do? I've never been asked
that...seriously...honestly, don't laugh but, I love to write." My head did
flips, because Kyle and writing had never been two images I ever thought to
see together, and it made me realize that I had been just as unfair to him,
judging, as he had been to me physically.
	"Really?! Me too!" His head jerked up as he stared at me in the
eyes.
	"Really, you don't think it's weird or...gay?" I almost laughed,
this was something I had thought about before, `why would a boy want to
write, instead of playing sports or something' but it never bothered me
like that.
	"No sir, its art, just as much as music or painting, and guys do
that. And if you're good at it than that's all that matters. What do you
like to write?" We had made it to my house by now. Walking in the front
door, I noticed that he was looking around slightly amazed.
	"Well...I like to write...poems." His face flushed, it confused me
why he was embarrassed.
	"Wow! That's so cool, I just write stories. I would love to hear
some of your work sometime." I smiled at him.
	"You mean you want to hang out more than just today?" He said
slowly.
	"Of course, I mean if you want to, you're welcome here when
ever. Why would I just hang out with you once and then go back to letting
you pick on me?" I chuckled but he still looked a little sad.
	"I thought that you were just doing this out of pity." He looked at
me.
	"Honestly, I think that you're pretty interesting to be so mean
sometimes." I was being really blunt which I think is what he needed right
now, he didn't need someone to be coy and beat around the bush. I was
reassuring the fact that I knew what was going on and was ok with him being
him.
	"You're pretty cool to be such a dweeb sometimes." He laughed. This
was the Kyle that I was trying to pull out; I wanted him to be confident in
himself and able to be nice doing it.
	We started playing video games and messing around with other stuff
that I had for entertainment, when my dad knocked on my door and came in. I
introduced him and he smiled, walking back down stairs to order pizza for
dinner. He had invited Kyle for dinner, who accepted graciously. The pizza
was good, and Kyle ate a nice share, which made me happy. He was smiling a
lot now, which was a change from the sadness that usually covered his face,
but something was nagging at me. The sadness was still in my eyes.
	"So Kyle, would you like a ride home? It's getting pretty late, or
would you like to spend the night?" My dad smiled at him.
	"No I don't think I can sir. I should go home." He looked up at him
with his crystal blue eyes. We all walked over to the door and my dad put
his jacket on. Kyle held his hand out to me and I shook it with a smile. My
dad went to get his keys from the kitchen and I took the moment we had
alone, so I didn't embarrass him.
	"Remember what I said Kyle, you're welcome to come here whenever
you need or want to." I said with a smile.
	"Thanks Andy, you're a good person..." He said slowly.
	"I think you're a good person too, I hope we can be friends." I
said seriously.
	"I've never had one of those; I think it might just be possible."
He grinned. My dad came back and they left. I went to my room and got ready
for bed. My dad came back and poked his head in the door and said good
night. I had the hardest time getting to sleep that night; I had this
feeling in the pit of my stomach that I couldn't place. It was a tingling
feeling and I had the hardest time letting myself fall asleep, because for
the first time I felt that reality was a lot more exciting than my dreams.
	Saturday morning found me slightly well rested, once I had fallen
asleep I slept well, and my dreams were fun. I woke up and wandered down
stairs for breakfast.
	"Hey did everything go ok taking Kyle home last night?" I asked my
dad as he cooked the sausage.
	"For the most part, he asked me to drop him off away from his
house. Why didn't you tell me he was Jeff's kid?" He peered at me.
	"Who is Jeff?" I asked seriously, that name had no specific meaning
to me.
	"He works down at the auto shop, and he is known for his ill
temper. Does he treat Kyle ok?" Dad was extremely intuitive; it came with
the Sheriff territory.
	"Honestly, I'm not sure; we haven't exactly been friends for a long
time." I said. What I said was true too, but I wasn't planning to tell him
the entire thing. There was a knock at the door. "I'll get it." My dad
nodded as I got up to go to the door.
	I placed my hand on the door knob and turned it. The door came
open...
	"Hel..." A tear-filled Kyle fell through the door and into my
arms. "Kyle what's wrong, what happened?" I led him over to the steps and
sat him down, the closest seat. He was leaning on my shoulder now, and he
was shaking. He continued to cry and shake. He couldn't talk because he was
gasping for air.
	"Kyle, calm down, breathe." He took a deep breath and settled down
to just leaning on my shoulder.
	"Take him up to your room let him lie down." My dad had come into
the room unnoticed and understood the problem, more so then I did at the
time.
	"Come on, Kyle." I wrapped my arms around his waist and rose with
him, getting him up the stairs was easy, now the he had stopped
hyperventilating. I pushed the door to my room open and led him over to my
bed. We sat down on it and I lowered him down to my pillow. His hand found
mine and I clasped it tightly.
	"He hit me..." He said quietly. This was what I was afraid of, Kyle
was one of the toughest guys I knew (or so I thought) and I knew that if he
was upset like this something was seriously wrong.
	"Where..." There were no visible marks on his face, so I knew this
had happened before. It was the same thing Kyle had gotten good at doing to
me, hitting me to make sure no mark showed up.
	He raised his shirt a bit and I saw several old bruises, but as his
shirt came up I saw a striped bruise that look dark enough to be fresh. It
was from a belt, I could tell from its length and width. It made me sick to
see such an atrocious thing done to him.
	"What happened, Kyle?" I held his hand tighter and put another one
on his hip, trying to avoid bruises.
	"When I got home last night, he was drunk, and he was pissed that I
hadn't been home. I hadn't done anything for his food, and then I came
home...happy. He didn't even give me a chance to talk; he already had the
belt in his hand. I left as soon as I could; it was early in the morning
when I actually got out side. I stayed outside for a couple of hours,
wandering, and eventually, accidentally I found myself in front of your
house." He had turned his face into my pillow so that he wasn't looking at
me anymore. "I remembered what you said about being welcome here; I hope
that this isn't bad. I didn't know where else to go...and I didn't want to
go back." A tear fell down his cheek.
	"I said you are welcome and you are welcome always." I took my hand
and wiped the tear away. There was a knock at my door, and I got up to
answer it.
	"Here, I thought you guys could use some breakfast." I took the
tray that my dad had passed to me from the hall. He didn't come in, and I
knew that he did that for good reason. He wanted to give him a chance to
talk to someone that he trusted. (I hope he trusted me.) I shut the door
after giving my dad a look that was worth more than just a smile. I knew
that I would have to talk to him, and tell him what was up.
	"How about some food?" I walked back over and he sat up a bit. He
took a fork and began to play with his food.
	"You will get through this...I am here for you, and you're welcome
to stay here...I don't care what my dad says...but I think he would agree."
He leaned and hugged me tightly.
	"I don't know what I did to get you to talk to me yesterday, but
I'm glad I did. You are an amazing person, and I'm just a jerk." A tear
fell down his face on to my shoulder.
	"You have a good heart; you have just had a hard life. I hold no
grudges against you." I said as I slightly pushed him back. "Now eat your
food, I'll be back in a second." I looked back at him as I opened the door,
he was looking down at his food, and a tear fell into his eggs. He sniffled
and then scrapped some eggs up on his fork and shoveled them into his
mouth.
	I walked down the stairs and into the kitchen where my father was
sitting with a cup of coffee and a news paper.
	"Thanks for the food dad. So I guess that answers your question
whether he treats him right or not. Dad he can't go back there, he has belt
bruises." I said slowly.
	"If that's so I don't think he will be going back, not if I have
anything to say about it, I'll make the calls I need to tonight. He can
stay here as long as he needs to, but he will have to stay in your room."
He looked at me questioningly; I smiled up at him sincerely.
	"That's fine; my bed is big enough for the both of us I think." I
turned and walked toward the stairs.
	"Hey Andy, see if he wants to go to church with us tomorrow, if not
you two can stay here." He looked back at his paper with a smile.
	"Ok dad!" I walked back up the stairs, and opened my door. Walking
in, he looked up from a clean plate and smiled at me. His hair was a mess
and he looked really tired. I grabbed a pair of my sleep pants, some boxers
and a night shirt that was bigger than normal so I knew it would fit him.
       "Why don't you go take a shower and then come back and take a nap,
you look worn out." I said as I fumbled for the clothes.
       "But I don't have any spare clothes." I turned as he said this and
handed him what I had gathered. He looked at my clothes with a look of
disbelief. He stood and up and gave me one of those tackle hugs where you
have no choice but to drop what you have in your hands and wrap your arms
around the hugger to keep from falling. That's what I did, and I found
myself holding him as tight as I was being held by him.
       We released lightly, keeping our arms around each other and looked
into each other's eyes. His dazzling blues looked happier then they had in
a long time.
       "I don't deserve a friend like you..." Normally the thought of
hugging another guy like this would have caused two boys to throw down
their arms and act like they didn't know what had happened in the last few
minutes, and I don't know what kept his arms around me, but I knew that for
myself this felt perfectly right.
       "You should get in the shower." I said slowly. He shook his head
slightly as if coming out of a dream and dropped his arms. He walked around
me and opened the bathroom. I had a bathroom that was conjoined with my
dad's `writing room' although he didn't use it much anymore. I used it more
than he did.
       "Towel is on the rack." I said at the door as the water came on. I
kicked something as I shuffled my feet. I looked down and saw the stack of
clothes for him that I had dropped. I went to the door and tried to turn
the knob but he had locked it or it had been locked by habit already. I
folded them up and sat them at the corner of my bed and lay down thinking.
       He was a quick shower taker, and I was surprised when he walked out
with just a towel wrapped around his waist. His hair was dangling across
his face in wet streaks; each dark blond lock was dripping down his face.
I had never realized exactly how thin he was, I could see a faint outline
of his ribs. My eyes traveled down his chest, and past his naval, over the
towel, down his legs. There was a light dusting of blond hair on his
legs. The door of the bathroom slowly closed and clicked as it latched. The
sound dragged me back to reality.
       "Forget something?" I said slowly.
       "Yea..." He walked over to the bed and gathered his clothes up in
one hand and went back to the bathroom door. He turned the knob but nothing
happened.
       "Oh! It locked, I'll go get a paper clip, it's the best way to open
it, and the other door is always locked." I left the room making sure to
shut my door. I walked to the study room and grabbed a paper clip from the
desk, and walked back to my room. I slowly opened my door, and I stopped,
mouth gapping at the door. Kyle was standing with his back to the door,
towel drying his hair, naked. His back was strong, muscled nicely; I
noticed the bruises that were all but fading on his back. I followed a belt
mark down and my eyes traveled to his round but firm butt. I was staring
and I knew that my face had flushed a bit. He stopped drying his hair and
slowly turned to face me, and in pure shock his dropped the towel and
cupped his hands over his privates. His face flooded red.
       "Everything okay up there?" My dad called from the foot of the
stairs. I gathered my senses and called back to him.
       "Yea, we are good." I jumped into my room and quickly closed the
door. I stood facing the door, I had just glimpsed his penis, and I wasn't
disgusted.
       "I...I'm...I'm Sorry." He stammered.
       "No, its ok I don't mind." I said slowly. In my head I was thinking
of what to say `Yes this is ok because you I know I see guys penis' all the
time, although yours in nice'...or... `I don't mind, would you like to see
mine.' I could have kicked myself for thinking this stuff. I didn't know
what I wanted at the moment, all I knew is that I didn't want him thinking
he had done something wrong or anything of that nature.
       I slowly turned around to see him pulling up the sleep pants over,
the boxer briefs I had given him. They were tight his legs were thicker
than mine, and I could see a noticeable bulge as the pants slid over his
hips. He threw the shirt on and stood there awkwardly.
       "So how about that nap? You can lie down and sleep as long as you'd
like." I smiled and waved my hand toward the bed.
       "I think I will..." he walked over to the bed and lay down, smiling
at me.
       "I'll be in the next room if you need anything." I stood up as he
closed his eyes and slid out of the door and quietly shut it. I walked
downstairs to talk to my father again. He was sitting in the living room,
reading a book as I wandered in.
       "Hey, thanks for letting him stay here. I'm really scared about what
his father could do to him."
	"Its fine, I would rather him be safe here than somewhere else in
pain, but there is something you're not telling me." He looked over his
glasses and gave me the piercing look that I couldn't deny. I stared at the
ground and took a deep breath.
	I continued to tell him the entire story, from the beginning of him
picking on me until now. "But he is different now, he needed friendship,
and he has never gotten it. He doesn't scare me at all; he is a great guy,
just severely mistreated." My father gave me a look that said he wasn't
sure how to take it. "Dad seriously, he isn't the same, he was just
mistreated and it came out on me. He has realized that I can be a better
friend." I had decided that I would leave out the severity what he had done
to me and the fact that he had taken my lunch money. "And..."
	"You've said enough, he seems like a good kid...misunderstood
perhaps...but good none the less. I made one of the calls I had to make and
found out that he has family that lives in the town."
	"Really? That's great!" I smiled at him, it was great to realize
that I had such an understanding dad; it was strange that some people were
just so different; my dad had never raised a hand against me. My dad was
incredibly perceptive, which scared me because at this time I was holding a
ton in and I did want to talk to him about it, but I don't think now is the
right time. "I'll be in the study room, Kyle is sleeping."
	"That's good. Have fun." He said.
       I walked up the steps and into the room that held our computer. It
was a nice-sized room, and I could spend a long time in here, just writing
or reading. Today, I had a lot to get out so I wrote for several hours and
lost track of time. I wrote everything that came to mind, made a few post
to a story website I frequent, published a few blog poems, and a few other
creative outlets. It was mid afternoon when I jumped out of my skin because
of a hand touching my shoulder.
       "Oh! Oh...how are you feeling?" I said as I turned around and
realized that it was Kyle that had touched me. He looked significantly
better, well rested and smiling. He had a nice smile. I knew what was
happening I had dreamt about it, written about, read about. I was falling
for him, and it scared me. I pulled up a chair from next to the desk and
patted the seat. He slid into it and pulled his long legs up with him. He
was thin enough to sit in the like that, so was I but it didn't look
comfortable to me.
       "I'm good, I feel good." He gave me that smile again, and I nearly
melted right there. "What are you working on?" Um...what could I tell him?
The truth? No, not now...I don't want to scare him away. Most of my
writings had been about him, in some form or fashion.
       "Oh, this and that, nothing much." I said avoiding the answer all
together.
       "You said you wanted to read some of my stuff, still interested?" He
smiled at me.
       "Of course!" I said excited I really did want to read his
writing. He slid the keyboard towards him a bit and began to type.
       "I use the School Computers to post my stuff, online." He double
clicked something and I turned to look a website that I knew well. It was
the website I had just closed and where I posted all my favorite writings,
under a pseudonym. There was what looked like a poem sitting on the
screen. So I started to read.
       ~Love has stabbed me blind,
       Once again I find myself torn.
       One to that whom true love lies
       And the other where love causes scorn.
       Desire tempts those of faint heart
       And holds those weak under spell.
       I reach for an answer, not gaining
       And I learn what I know to well.
       One is safe but is it honest?
       One is honest but is it safe?
       A choice have I made, to
       Question life's choices on loves ways.
       When an answer I find, love will
       Be to late, and both shall move away.
       What love is right, and who shall
       Tell me so?
       Safe told by mother
       Fun told by Father
       Desired told by Sister
       Required told myself
       Honest and strict told by the lord.
       Which one is true?~

       I finished reading and a tear actually rolled down my cheek. I
didn't cry often because I wasn't sad often but this poem was amazing. He
had a gift and I loved the fact that he was good at it.
       "That is...is..." I said with my mouth hanging open and staring at
the screen.
       "I know it's bad." He said looking down.
       "I was going to say amazing." I said with a smile as I turned to
look at him in the face. "It is really good; I think that you have a gift."
       "Thanks Andy...for everything." He looked at me and was staring into
my eyes. I stared back and was about to speak when he leaned forward and
his lips touched my cheek. Out of shock I jumped backwards and the chair
flipped over. I rolled over backwards and stumbled up.
       "Everything ok up there Andy?!" My father yelled from down the
stairs. I stood stock still and stared at him. His eyes were wide with
fear. I took a deep breath and step toward him.
       "ANDY!?" He called again.
       "I'm fine; I fell over in the chair." I yelled out the door.
       "Be careful!" I heard him call. I stood there stock still looking a
Kyle. He dropped his gaze and almost ran out of the room and into mine, he
had quite feet. I had to walk so as not to stomp, and I slowly opened my
door to see him sitting on the edge of my bed crying. I walked in a put an
arm around him, he shrugged it away. There was a knock at my door.
       "One Sec." I walked over and opened it a bit.
       "What would you guys like to do for dinner?" My dad asked
smiling. It was late enough for dinner which surprised me; I don't know why
I didn't notice that it had gotten dark.
       "Um, is it possible to order a pizza again or something easy, I
don't think he should go anywhere." I asked.
       "Yea, that's fine with me; I'll get you guys one of you own so that
you can stay up here. He okay?" he asked the last part in a whisper.
       "I hope so..." I smiled and closed the door as he walked away. I
walked back over and sat down next to him again, as he continued to sniffle
and cry. Even though he was looking down, he still managed to turn his head
away from me and put a hand up to cover his eyes. I was not going to have
this, he kissed me, and I wanted to know what was wrong with him.
       "Kyle, talk to me." I said as I reached out and placed a hand on his
shoulder. It almost sounded like he was crying harder, he shrugged me away
again.
       "I don't want to; you don't have to pretend to be nice anymore." I
stood up almost in anger as he said this, I was not pretending. I realized
quickly that he was in a place that I couldn't understand, it was a
confusion of love altogether. I turned my self so I was directly in front
of him and facing him, I knelt down on my knees in front of him. I took his
hand into mine, and turned his head to force him to face me.
       "If you think that I am pretending, why did you kiss me?" This was
apparently the wrong thing to bring into the light, he began to cry harder,
and the kind of crying that involved hyperventilating. I wrapped my arms
around him in a tight hug; he was trying to push me away and I just held on
tighter until I felt his body go limp and his arms slowly wrap around me. I
began to rub his back as his head rested on my shoulder, the crying had
slowed and his breathing was back to normal. I moved my hands up to his
head, and I ran my hand through his hair, slowly. This was what always made
me feel better, so I figured it would help him. It seemed to, his crying
stopped and he took a deep breath and wrapped his arms tighter around me.
       I broke away slightly so that I was face to face with him; I leaned
and kissed his forehead. "I told you once that I would always be here for
you, and it was because I was pretending to be your friend." A different
kind of tear slid down his face this time, a single solitary tear. I
wrapped my arms tighter around him again pulling him close to me.
       "Pizza's here!" I heard my dad call from the foot of the
stairs. This broke our hold and I stood up, I reached out and grabbed a
tissue and I wiped his eyes, when I was pleased that he looked calm, and
almost happy, we stood up and walked out of the room.
       We ate the pizza with my dad, and we had small talk nothing major, a
few jokes here or there. When we were done with the pizza and my dad
announced that he had to get to sleep, because he had to patrol early
morning before church. We stood up and I followed Kyle back to my room, I
slowly shut the door and turned to face him. It was an awkward moment
before I decided to crawl over the foot of my bed and lay my head down on a
pillow. He breathed deep... a sigh? And he lay down next to me with his
head on the next pillow. We were turned so that we faced each other and we
just stared. I gazed into his deep blue eyes for as long as I could without
kissing him, and then I rolled over to my back, leaving him to make the
next move.
       Slowly I felt him scoot toward me and he nuzzled himself as close to
me as possible, when he realized that I hadn't objected he wrapped an arm
tightly around me. I relaxed my arm around behind him and we lay like that
for, I don't know how long. I know that eventually we both drifted off to
sleep and our breathing became slowly synchronized.
       I slowly opened my eyes, as everything that I could remember came
flooding back to me. I folded my arm close to me and pulled nothing but
covers and air. I looked around and realized I was alone, I began to
worry. For a moment I had the fleeting fear that everything had been a
dream, then the fear switched to one that had me thinking he had went home.
       I jumped up and rushed to the bathroom, I burst into it slightly
franticly, and he was there, standing adjusting a tie. He was wearing my
clothes again, but they looked great on him. A pair of dark slacks that
lead up to his waist where he wore a belt, with a Navy blue button up shirt
tucked in. He was looking at me with a strange look on his face.
       "Are you ok?" He said slowly. I realized how awkward it must have
been for me to have just bust in unannounced.
       "Oh sorry, I uh, just was wondering...oh...um...you look nice!" I
ended the sentence with a completely different topic, hoping to save a
little of my embarrassment.
       "Oh...yea thanks, your dad helped me pick it out...hope you don't
mind." He said brushing down his front, he really did look great.
       "No, you look good." I backed out of the bathroom with a smile and
proceeded to pick out my own clothes, I mirrored his clothes, but I choose
a red shirt instead. I dressed quickly, smoothing the wrinkles out as Kyle
walked out of the bathroom.
       "Looking sharp!" I smiled up at him as he commented on my clothing.
       "You guys ready?" My dad called from the front door. We walked down
the stairs and drove to the church. It was interesting going into a public
place with Kyle, I became extremely defensive. I stood next to him at all
times, making sure we tagged close enough to dad to be safe. I didn't
realize how weird our friendship would be, until I saw the look on some of
my friends faces from the youth group. One in particular, my best friend
John, had known about Kyle, and the bully he was. And now I stood here with
him by my side like we had been friends for our entire life. It didn't help
that my dad kept introducing him as Andy's friend. There was no problem
with this, but people were bound to begin to wonder.
       Church began, like always with the choir coming in singing, the
preacher singing along leading the rest of the congregation. I took a
different pew today near the front so that I wouldn't be sitting near my
dad or my friends and Kyle and I could write messages back and forth.  I
looked over to see Kyle wide eyed with amazement, I had never known anyone
who hadn't been to church at some point in their life. The preacher gave
his sermon and we sat their writing, small comments, trying to fight back
giggles every now and then. Kyle had been writing something of his own that
he wouldn't let me see, every time I tried to glance at it, he would
swiftly slide it away. When he was done, the preacher called for everyone
to bow their heads in prayer.
	"I feel safe." The comment was whispered in my ear as my head
stayed bowed. I turned to see him smiling at me his own head leaning
forward in prayer.
       "Church is a safe place for most people." I smiled.
       "No that's not what I mean, this is a great place, but I feel safe
because I'm with you." He blushed slightly. I didn't know what to say, I
couldn't think of anything to fit this situation in words. I slowly reached
out and wrapped my hand around his, intertwining our fingers. He squeezed
my hand and released it right before the Preacher said Amen.
       We looked up and quickly scanned the people around to see if anyone
had been looking at us. Church ended and we left, going back home. My dad
left us at the front to go and patrol the rest of the day. We walked up to
my room and I closed the door behind us.
       "So Mr. Secretive, what were you writing in church today?" I looked
over at him as he loosened his tie.
       "Oh, nothing..." He slid his tie over his head and hung it gently on
the handle of the bathroom. He began to un-tuck his shirt and in the
process knocked a piece of paper out of his pocket. It fluttered to the
ground; it was a slow motion moment, when we both just stared at the piece
of paper as it fluttered to the ground. We both dove for it and I snatched
it before he got to it. I looked at the folded piece of paper and slowly
passed it to him. He looked down at my hand and closed my fingers around
it.
       "Read, its ok, it's for you." He said slowly.

       ~This is to you because
       Because since the last time I saw you, I've felt numb.
       Because when I heard you say "you'd be there."
       I couldn't imagine it uttered from anyone
       Else's lips.
       Because when you held me, I felt
       Untouchable.
       Because the silence we shared wasn't
       awkward it was pure understanding
       Because you were the only person to
       Just kiss me
       Because that little noise you make
       When you don't want me to understand
       You any more than you understand
       Yourself, makes me smirk.
       Because your arms are built just enough
       to contain me~

       A tear slid down my cheek and onto the paper. I let the paper fall
to the ground and lunged forward and wrapped my arms around him. Our lips
locked together as we passionately and haphazardly kissed each other. We
broke apart just looking at each other, when I slipped out of his hands.
       "This isn't right." I said slowly.
       "What's wrong about it?" He asked painfully.
       "Nothing...I mean...the church...what would my friends say...what
would my father say? I started confusedly. "It's a sin."
       "Only in some people's eyes..."
       "I do...I mean...yea..." I dropped to the floor sitting crossed
legged and listening to thoughts thunder through my head. I wanted to let
myself love him, but this was wrong by everything I had been taught growing
up. There was only one thing that I knew to do, check the bible the way I
had the first time something like this had happened.
       "Hand me my bible please." I said to Kyle, he reached behind him and
picked up the bible slowly, and turned presenting it to me slowly. My hand
touched it and he let go, thinking that I had it. It fell to the ground
bounced lightly and fell open.  I looked down and my eyes found one verse,
it seemed (it could have been the state I was in, or real) to be darker
than all the rest.
       1 Peter 4:80 "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers
over a multitude of sins." I read the last of it out loud. It was simply
amazing how many of my questions had been answered by the simplicity of
opening the bible and chancing a glance.
        I looked up to see him looking at me strangely, I took his hand and
he pulled me up. We walked over to the bed and sat down.
       "I don't know what's going to happen..." I began.
       "Neither do I..."He said "...but I know one thing, I will fight like
hell, to keep you if I have to."
       "I love you..." I said slowly. He kissed me and I slowly fell
backward until my head touched a pillow.  We kissed slowly and
passionately. I knew that I was more confident in what I was doing, and so
I kissed back as if this wasn't one of my first kisses. The kiss continued
until we had no breath left in our lungs. We broke for a moment and took a
deep breath, returning to our passion. I felt his hand twist the buttons of
my shirt out of their holes. While our lips stayed locked, I could feel
each button pop from the hole, and my shirt falling open. My shirt slid out
of my pants and over my shoulders, we rolled so that I was no laying over
him. I broke the kiss and threw my shirt to the side. I looked back at him
and smiled. My smile faltered a bit as I looked at his buttons, if I
continued I committed to this and we went all the way.
       "Are you ok?" He reached up and ran fingers down my face; I closed
my eyes and pushed face into his hand.
       "Yes..." I took a breath, returning to my smile I slowly unbuttoned
his shirt, throwing it to the side as well. I ran my fingers over his
chest, it was smooth and soft. I made careful not to touch any of the
bruises; he closed his eyes and let his head relax completely on the
pillow. I lowered down and kissed his neck, and continued to rub his
chest. I moved my kissing down his neck and onto his chest; I began to use
soft kisses. I felt him reach up and rub my head again. His hands slid down
from my head and gripped my arms; he rolled me over and rolled onto me. He
began to kiss my neck and slowly slid himself down my body. My eyes were
closed the feelings that were being tripped in my body. He was kissing my
stomach now, and massaging it time with his lips. I felt his hands on my
belt as he undid it. My pants unsnapped and I arched my back as he slid
them down. I heard them land in the pile next to the bed.
       I felt him lift himself off my body and I heard something else hit
the floor, as I opened my eyes, Kyle wearing nothing but underwear crawled
back on top of me and began to kiss my neck again. I could feel his warmth
against me now, his chest was a comfortable pressure on my own, and I
reached up and entwined my fingers in his hair. He slid down me again,
kissing more, when he reached my stomach he stopped and kissed every inch
above the waist band of my boxers. I took a deep breath as his fingers slid
under the band of my shorts and his hand pulled them slightly. My boxers
were added to pile of clothes and I opened my eyes to look at him. He was
kneeling over me looking like a god, with his body glistening slightly in
sweat. He had lost his underwear somewhere in the process.
       He was as excited as I was, and he began to kiss my waist, he moved
slowly around chasing my excitement. My eyes closed again, and I felt the
warmth of a long kiss slide over me. My body buckled in the pleasure, as he
continued. This new experience was sending my body into a shock; I felt his
come from my leg began to message chest. The kiss ended abruptly and the
pleasure tingled, like waterfall being held back. I opened my eyes and sat
up to kiss him. I tasted my body on him, and it made me feel like we were
more one then we had been so far.
       I pushed him on to his back and began to kiss his stomach above his
excitement, I slowly moved down and I hesitated before I returned the
pleasure. I stared intently, this was so pleasurable and the passion was
amazing. I leaned forward and began to pass all the pleasure, which he had
given to me, back to him. I felt the warmth of him, and I enjoyed the
feeling.
       His body squirmed, and I placed a hand to steady his motions. My
touch seemed to make him move even more. He bucked gently and I sat back up
relaxing, he sat up and kissed me again, this time guiding me to lie down
on the bed. He kissed my neck and then moved down and the warmth of his
kisses engulfed me again. I could feel a sensation dribbling down my skin
from the tip to the base, and I felt his kissed end. He turned so that he
was next to me and he threw a leg slowly over me so that he straddled me.
       I kept my eyes closed, he whispered in my ear and I nodded. He took
me in his hands guiding me in what to do. I felt pressure at the tip and
then his body took a tight grip in me. It pressure spread the length and
the pleasure went surging up my spine. He hands gripped my chest, a tight
grip of pain. I reached up and placed my hands on his arms, gently
rubbing. I started to speak, it wasn't worth the pleasure for his pain, but
before I could speak he placed a finger on my lips and relaxed on my chest
for a moment.
       I watched as he sat back up and with his eyes closed, he began to
rock. A simple smile came over his face as I closed my eyes again. The
pressure, the pleasure continued to flow over my body and then recede
again, swift currents going over my body. It wasn't long before I felt
warmth from Kyle land on my chest, and with a smile I let the pleasure over
take my body. It felt like I jumped ten feet in the air with Kyle atop me
and I let all the pleasure, fly from my body, leaving me in a wave of
exhaustion.
       He collapsed on my chest and spread his legs so that he was laying
the length of me.
       "I love you." I whispered as I wrapped my arms around him. It felt
natural and pure to be lying here with his body slowly melting into mine.
       "If I were rich, I would repay you threefold for everything you've
done for me." He said with a tear and a kiss to my cheek.
       "You, finding you, your love is more than threefold what I have done
for you, it is all I could ever want." I felt him take a deep breath and
then nuzzle into me even tighter.

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Poem Credit ~ Because ~ Written By Jem S.