Date: Fri, 16 May 2014 13:35:07 -0500
From: Jarrod Holiway <jdylanh9@gmail.com>
Subject: Kyle (Part 10) The Epilogue

Kyle (Part 10) The Epilogue

*****Please Read****

**** The Kyle Series is, in fact, the true story of my first
love. Everything within the story, sans the bathroom scene in Chapter 3, is
true and accurate. Part 9, The Final Decision, was originally supposed to
serve as the last chapter to the Kyle Series. However, I was mistaken in
that readers would find closure in knowing that the relationship was over,
yet not being given the details. I received many e-mails asking me to write
what happened in the very end. This epilogue will explain how the break-up
went and how our lives turned out thus far.****

	Kyle turned to me and said, "That was a special treat. It felt
completely different than in the past. I am sorry I didn't make it back on
time last night. I had a couple drinks, you know. I just couldn't wake you
up when I got back."

"I know, Kyle. I know a lot more than I did yesterday. I know what you just
felt. I felt it last night with Dave and I know I want to feel it again." I
said slowly and in monotone.

"What? You did what with Dave last night?" He asked, tempo rising in his
voice.

"After we parted, I put the fear of gay in Dave's roommate. Then I had some
beers.  Then I fucked Dave." I explained.

"I can't say I am surprised. I knew it was only a matter of time before you
cheated on me." Kyle said.

"Wait, what the fuck does that mean?" I asked, now letting my voice betray
me.

"I always knew no one, not even me, not even your best friend forever; no
one could ever fully have your heart. You are a prick. You are a selfish
fuck to your core. You just hide it well. Congratulations, Levi. You will
probably die alone." Kyle was getting dressed as his painful words poured
from the mouth I used to love to kiss. I could tell his anger was at a
level I had never seen. He wasn't yelling, he wasn't fidgeting; he was in
unadulterated anger mode.

	I was too hurt to retaliate. I could list dozens of things that
made him look like a selfish prick. I could justify my actions with Dave. I
could blame everything on him. I was just too hurt to speak. Also, deep
down, I knew sleeping with Dave was wrong. I knew what the outcome would
be. I knew, when I was doing it, it would hurt Kyle. I just never
contemplated how badly it would hurt him. I followed suit and began to get
dressed.

"Don't you have anything to say?" He asked.

"Nothing you want to hear, and definitely nothing that makes it better. I'm
sorry I hurt you. You have to know it hurts me. I will stay elsewhere until
we can be reassigned to separate rooms." I said.

"Don't bother. I will stay with a friend. It is almost end of the semester
and I have no intention of returning to this school." Kyle hissed the words
at me. The venom in them was palpable.

"You're leaving college?" I asked.

"This college. If I can't get enrolled in SLU by the start of next semester
I'll take one off. I can't remain on this campus with you for 3 more
years. I can't look at your face. I don't want to think about you. I don't
want to know you. For now I just need you to hang out while I pack my
shit. That way, I don't accidentally take something of yours or leave
something of mine. I want no reason for either of us to ever have to
contact the other.  Understood?" Kyle said. He was speaking so fast I
wasn't sure there were pauses between the words and I didn't hear him even
take a breath.

	We packed his stuff in almost complete silence. The occasional sigh
or grunt was all that escaped our tightly shut mouths. We made no eye
contact. We made no physical contact. It was like meeting an alien for the
first time. We were now in two different worlds with no understanding how
to communicate with the other. I had a constant, nagging urge to throw
myself at his feet and beg. Beg for mercy, beg him to understand, beg him
to forgive, at this point, just beg him to look at me. But that isn't me
and even deeper down, I knew even if he did forgive and stay, we would be
packing his shit eventually. It hurt more than anything I had ever felt, or
have felt since, but it remains a decision I still feel was the correct
decision.

	Upon carrying the last load of his stuff to his car and getting it
stuffed into the passenger seat, Kyle looked me in the eye, and then
uttered the last words he ever said to me, "I don't ever want to see you or
talk to you again. For the rest of my life. I'm begging you to never ever
contact me."

	He turned to walk to the driver side of his Mustang. It was
overdue. I couldn't control it another second. My eyes filled with tears as
I said, "Hey." He turned and looked at me. Controlling my crying I said, "I
am 18 years old. I have known you, basically my entire life. You have been
the biggest part of my life as my best friend for a decade and as a lover
for the last year. You are all that I know. I don't know life without
you. I am sorry I don't have better words for this, but I'm gonna miss you
so much.  Please just tell me you don't hate me. Please." That was all I
could get out before I lost it. I broke down crying harder than I can ever
remember having cried before - or since.

      He walked back to me and put his forehead on mine, his hands on each
side of my face, his nose against mine. He exhaled a long breath. He kissed
a tear on my cheek. Before I realized it, he was in his car and putting it
in gear.

	The divide between our friends was immense. He refused to go
anywhere I was going to be; this made weekends and holidays when we were
both back in our hometown especially difficult since all the old friends
from high school want to get together. Out of respect for his wishes; I
refused to go anywhere he was going to be. I had heard from a mutual friend
he did go to SLU and he met a girl there - I think her name is Megan. They
got married roughly five years after our break-up. I was not invited to the
wedding. I am pretty sure they are still married.

He skipped our mutual friend's wedding because I refused to miss it.

This year (2014) we had our 10 year high school reunion. I was Class
President and Prom King our senior year, yet I skipped the reunion. Our one
remaining mutual friend told me Kyle was planning on going if I didn't
go. I told her to tell him to go.

I have dated two guys since Kyle. One (Eric) for 2 years and it was
great. We ended it amicably and we are still really good friends - I hang
out with him all the time. The other is my current boyfriend (Joey). We
have been together for almost four years. We intend on getting married as
soon as we can in our state.

I can remember his face, voice, laugh, everything about his body, but the
one thing I remember the most is how he smelled. I haven't seen him or
spoken to him in over a decade, and I guarantee you if I was blindfolded
and wearing earplugs, and put in a room with 100 guys, I could pick him out
by scent.

Having no contact with my best friend of 10 years has left a hole in part
of my life.  However, each time I look into Joey's eyes - I never doubt my
decision to let Kyle go that day.

****Thank you so much for reading. I am open to all questions or
comments. Please e- mail me at jdylanh9@gmail.com Also, remember to donate
to Nifty.org ****

Please check out my Levi Series.