Date: Fri, 14 Jan 2005 16:28:24 EST
From: forty40eleven@cs.com
Subject: 'Labored Love' {Matthew Bolda-4} (HS bb)

This story is about love between two males. It is not focused on purely
sexual relationship, but may involve some sexually explicit scenes in
further chapter. If you do not with to read such material, or you are not
of legal age in your area, please return to the archive now.

OK, this is my first story. My friends liked it, so I decided to post
it. Thanks to John and Adrienne for you support and editing
expertise. Enjoy.
-Matt-


Labored Love Chapter 4
This chapter was written by Ryan.

	I am gay. I have been for a while. I had a friend named Jared, and
we were also boyfriends. Jared died from an accident while playing
soccer. I was devastated and my life was going down the drain. Mom moved us
to a smaller city right outside the big city where we lived, it was Jared's
hometown. Most people would probably think it was cruel for her to do that
to me, but I wanted to live out here. Jared loved it and always said we
would live here in a huge house with a bunch of animals, like monkeys,
tigers, and a parrot. He loved the exotic. I was always at his grave when
not in school, and I dropped off the swim team. That is another reason for
moving here, I could visit his grave easier living not too far from it. My
life was slowly becoming unbearable, especially when the summer came
around.

	We moved half way into the school year, around October. I was going
to all my classes putting up a good front and making plenty of
`friends'. Really I had every intention of taking my life that night. I was
walking to one of my classes and I glanced down to see where I was
headed. Math, the one class I could really look forward to. I was great in
math, for some reason it just made sense to me. This was going to be a
repeat of last year, and I had already started retaking it at my old school
before I transferred. Well, I got into the class and there weren't many
seats, I just sat down in one. The bell rang and the teacher came in. She
introduced me, a few people seemed interested in getting to know me, a few
girls batted their eyelashes. The teacher told me the guy sitting next to
me was an excellent student, and he probably wouldn't mind helping me catch
up if I found I wasn't at their level yet. The guy gave me a nod. He was
cute, although he wouldn't look at me. When Mrs. Harpy, that is the math
teacher, said that about helping me, the guy seemed like he turned a little
red. Maybe he was shy. He was very cute, I guess maybe he was an introvert,
so the idea of helping a total stranger made him nervous. Well class went
on like it should and I found out he was definitely not quite. His name is
Eric. He and Mrs. Harpy seemed fairly well acquainted, they would tease
each other during the class. Mrs. Harpy would often get sidetracked and
forget to say things or start talking as Eric continued his mission to
confuse her further. If she kept going for a while without getting off task
he would say something to make her forget everything she was saying. The
class seemed to eat it up, I guess Mrs. Harpy was a favorite teacher
here. Well Physics came around, this was a class I was worried about. I had
skipped my science last year, and we had barely done anything at my old
school besides reading out the book and writing down formulas. I was
worried because I had heard the horrors of physics at this school from many
other students. I walked into class and there he was again. I walked up to
the teacher and I asked him what I was supposed to do. I noticed that many
people were already paired up, two to a table. I figured Eric's partner
hadn't gotten there yet, as many students also were sitting alone. Well
Mr. Michaels told me I could be partners with Eric. Apparently he had
volunteered to be the person that worked alone because of the odd number of
students. Mr. Michaels was talking so just I could hear him.

"Eric is a very bright boy, but he seems to be a little shy."

"SHY?! You obviously have never seen him in math."

"Oh, so you've met?"

"Well yes and no. Mrs. Harpy volunteered him to bring me up to speed in
math. He was teasing her all class."

"Yes, well he is a favorite among the faculty, and pretty well known in
school, but he prefers to be alone. I don't know if you met his twin sister
Erica, but they are complete opposites. She is very loud and outgoing. I
guess they are the two halves to the perfect person."

"I never got to talk to him. He wouldn't look my way and he left right when
the bell rang. He wasn't rude to me, so I figured he must be shy."

"Shy? I have never known him to be shy. Even though he keeps to himself, he
is well know because he is very friendly. He talks to many people in the
halls between classes, teachers and students alike. I don't think there is
a person here that doesn't like him."

"Well that is very odd. I will have to be extra attentive to him."

"You do that. It would do him well to make a good friend. Just don't tell
him I said that."

"Ok, I'll start right now." I walked over to him and put my bags down and
sat in the chair beside him and he gave me a sideways glance. "Hey, I never
got to talk to you in math today," I said as I held out my hand. He shook
it while he said, "Yeah, I um^Å had to go to the bathroom after class
ended."

"Well that is a real problem. My name is Ryan, but you probably heard
Mrs. Harpy say that. Your name is Eric right?"

"Yeah."

	He started to loosen up a little as we talked before the bell. I
told him that Mr. Michaels suggested that we be lab partners. We were doing
a lab that day and it was fairly easy. Physics wasn't so bad after
all. Apparently those formulas were meant for something. He was walking me
through every step because I told him my old physics class didn't cover
anything. Really as soon as he had set up the equipment I knew what to
do. I didn't let on that I knew what I was doing though. I let him tell me
how to do everything. By the end of class we were talking and laughing. I
asked him if he could explain what we were doing in Calculus, remembering
that Mrs. Harpy had volunteered him to me, and he suggested we meet in the
morning before the bell rang. I wanted so bad to ask him to come over or at
least give him my phone number, but I didn't. I went home that night and
totally forgot what I had planned to do, until I found the note I had
written the night before. I burned the note. I knew I couldn't end my life,
I had to go see a cute boy in the morning and pretend not to understand
math so he could sit close to me and explain it.

	Sit next to me and explain it is exactly what he did. When I got to
school I looked around for him but couldn't spot him. I was walking around
and bumped into a fairly good looking girl, the kind I might date if I
liked girls at all.

"You look lost," this new person exclaimed.

"Oh, well yes and no. You see I am looking for a friend, and I don't know
where he is."

"You don't know where your friend is in the morning? You must not know him
that well then. I don't recognize you, and I make it a point to know all
the cute guys. Are you new?"

"Yes. Today is my second day." I was getting a little tired of this girl
because I wanted to find Eric. "Um, I need to keep looking for my friend."

"Tell you what, I'll help you find him. We can talk while we look. What is
his name?"

"Eric."

"Eric? Like my height, good looking, kinda tanned, thin, and really
friendly Eric?"

"You know him I see."

"Know him? I am his sister!"

"Oh, you're Erica. Mr. Michaels told me about you. He said you two were the
two pieces of the perfect person or something. OOPS, I wasn't supposed to
tell anyone he said that."

"It's ok. Eric and I both like Mr. Michaels. He is a cool guy. Now back to
my brother. Why are you looking for him and since when are you two friends?
Eric tells me everything and he has never mentioned you."

"He hasn't?" I said sounding a little sad.

"Why, does that offend you. Did you think you were something special?"

	She sounded like she was getting mad at me and I didn't know why. I
didn't do anything to her, and I don't like people to be mean to me.

"What's with the attitude. I thought I made a good impression on him
yesterday. He said he would catch me up in math this morning before
school."

"Oh, sorry. I am very protective of Eric. He is very easily hurt. I think
that is why he doesn't make many close friends, so he doesn't have to be
hurt when they find out he's^Å" She looked like she had just been stabbed
in the back.

"When they found out he's what?"

"Nothing, he is sitting with his best friend Allison by the arts
building. He will probably have a sketch pad out and be drawing. Don't tell
him I talked to you, and don't repeat anything I said, or your voice might
jump a pitch if ya catch my drift."

"Yeah, I understand." I had to back up a few steps. I knew she wasn't
kidding with me.

I walked around to the arts building and sure enough there he was. He was
sitting on a bench legs crossed and deep into whatever he was drawing. Next
to him was a girl. She looked like a compliment of him. Fairly thing, very
nicely dressed, dirty blonde hair falling on her shoulders, straight as
could be. Eric himself is, as if one word could capture his essence,
gorgeous. He is slender and nicely tanned, even in the winter. His hair was
a darker dirty blonde, maybe he highlighted his hair? He wore shirts that
showed of his perfect chest, not big and broad, but nice. His eyes were a
silvery blue, when he finally started talking to me I saw them. I could
barely focus on what I was doing when he looked at me, but his voice would
bring me back. He probably thought I was a drooling idiot, but I couldn't
help it. At least I didn't have much to do to convince him I had no clue
what was going on in class. I started to walk over and his friend saw
me. She looked stunned at first, then she whispered something in his
ear. He kept the same posture and continued his drawing. I had stopped when
she whispered to him. I saw his lips moving, but I couldn't make out what
he was saying. His friend motioned for me to come over. When I was almost
close enough to see what he was drawing he told me to stop. I stood there,
really confused.

"This is my friend Allison," he said, although he was STILL drawing and
unmoving. I couldn't see what it was he was sketching, but he looked
determined to finish it. I don't think he even looked up to see me, though
he did talk, mostly in whispers to Allison.

"He is almost done, then you can come take my place so you two can get to
work." She was smiling as she looked at the picture.  "DONE!" he
proclaimed.

"And very well done," Allison said.

"Can I see?" I asked, he shot a look at me that let me know the answer was
a definite, "NO."

"Sorry," he said as he tried a forgiving smile, "Allison is the only person
that sees my work. Well her and my sister, but that doesn't count because
she is my twin."

"Oh, you have a sister," I said remembering that I was not to tell of
either of the conversations I had about her.

"Yeah, her name is Erica."

"You've probably seen her, she and Eric look so much alike it's hard to
tell them apart," Allison said, "except Eric here doesn't have any
breasts." With that she lifted his shirt to show off his pecs. Oh my God he
had the perfect chest and stomach. His abs weren`t like stones, they were
more rounded, an imprint of the sculpted bodies we as a society think of as
perfect. He quickly pulled his shirt back down and gave Allison this look I
can only describe in the words of Bill Engvall, "I will set you ablaze."
She just started giggling and ran off to some other girls and shouted a
`nice to meet you' as she passed me.

"Come sit down," Eric said motioning to the spot Allison was
sitting. "Ready to get almost a semester's worth of math in thirty
minutes?"

	More like Ready to pretend I am making out with you. I sat and
listened to him, not hearing a word he was saying. I was just using this
opportunity to get close to him. I would reach over him and point to the
things I would ask about, brushing against his shoulder or letting my hand
touch his. This was the only before school study session we had. I figured
if I kept getting him to help me outside of school eventually he would
catch on that I really didn't need the help. He continued to help me in
class though.

	One day Mrs. Harpy caught me before school started and asked to
speak with me. I knew that my grades were excellent, I wasn't struggling,
and I didn't break any rules to my knowledge, but I still felt extremely
tense walking into her room.

"Sit down," she said motioning to the chair behind her desk. "I have
noticed that you and Eric have been getting along quite well, and you may
not have know this, but Mr. Michaels and myself are very good friends. We
have been keeping tabs on the two of you. He says he sees the same thing in
his class. You two are laughing and talking with each other like you've
been friends since childhood. Although neither of us have seen you in the
halls together. I know Eric very well and I am getting to know you."

	She knows I'm gay. She must want me to leave Eric alone, afraid I
will corrupt him.  She must have been able to read the expression on my
face, because she immediately said, "Don't worry, I'm not here to pass
judgment or tell you how to behave. It is just that Mr. Michaels and I
agree that, IF you were to open up a little more to Eric, WE believe that
he would equally open up to you."

What is she saying?

"Eric is a very kind boy, very loving, very alone. He has secrets only
Allison and Erica know for sure, and they would guard with their lives, but
we know Eric fairly well and believe he trusts in you, but he would worry
about being the first to tell of his feelings. There, that is all I am
going to say, you are free to leave or stay and talk. It is your decision."

	I sat there, very deep in thought for a few minutes, then I stood
up, hugged Mrs. Harpy, and proceeded to leave. As I got to the door, I
turned to her and said, "Thanks." She smiled at me approvingly and went to
her work she had laid out on her desk before I came in.

	I had a lot to think of. Starting that day I noticed little things
that Mrs. Harpy and Mr. Michaels were doing. For example: Eric went to
Mrs. Harpy to ask a question and her reply was, "Why don't you and Ryan put
your heads together."

	Since I met him, I had started going to visit Jared's grave less
and less. Not because I stopped thinking about him, but because I felt
happier inside and I didn't need to grieve as much. My mom noticed the
difference too. She had never had a problem with me being gay. I came out
to her the day Jared professed his love for me. She had never told me my
uncle in California was gay. I had never met him. They were almost the same
age, Mom was 43 and he was 42. Apparently their parents had kicked him out
at eighteen when he told them. Mom was already living on her own and took
him in. They were very close growing up, then he moved to California to
pursue a career in acting. Mom said he did small parts, mostly extras and
local commercials. It was a comfort though to have support from my mom. My
dad left my mom when I was two years old. He was having an affair with too
many women to count. You've probably heard the stories of airline pilots,
well this is no different, so I won't waste time telling it. Jared came out
to his parents after we dated for six months, and they were not fine with
him being a "dick loving faggot." They sent him to therapy and forbid him
from seeing me for a whole year. Of course that didn't work, but it made it
difficult. My mom tried to talk to them, and she did manage a few
visits. They agreed to let him come to my house for 3 to 4 hours while my
mom kept the closest eye on us and made sure we were never out of
sight. Mom's interpretation of that was, "Ok guys, I will be back from the
store in 1 hour, maybe a little longer. Make it count, then we will watch a
movie and I will cook you two a good meal." She is the greatest. Eventually
his therapist told his parents they should look into seeing a psychiatrist
for themselves, because Jared did not have problem. They told her they
would simply send him to a different person that have a better moral
fabric, and she told them she would call a social worker, who happened to
be her sister's lover, and get him taken from them, because they were,
"causing him to be emotionally and mentally tortured while living under
their roof." They went to therapy and worked through their problems with
his sexuality. All in all, it was about a year and a half before we were
back to our normal dating situation again. He was the star soccer player on
his high school's team, and I was a swimmer at my high school. We always
went to each other's games and afterward we would go to a hamburger shop in
his town. It was always quiet and empty. The workers there got used to
seeing us, and one day asks how long we'd been dating . Not many people
knew about us, a few from my school, less than three at his. My parents
couldn't care less who knew, his made him keep it a secret. We both lead
happy lives despite them.

	On my trips to Jared's grave I started asking him if I was meant to
be with Eric. I would tell him maybe he was meant to teach me love, but I
was meant for Eric. That made me feel like it was my fault he died. Somehow
I felt him there and I knew he didn't blame me. I also knew that even if I
wasn't originally meant for Eric, he was giving us his blessings. I still
felt very guilty about his death. You see, we never fought, but one day I
asked if it was ok to bring a friend from my school to one of his games. He
knew the guy I wanted to bring and claimed that I was cheating on him. He
said that guy was out to get every guy he could and he wouldn't believe I
had never done anything with him. I ended up hanging up on him and not
going to his game at all. That night I got a call from a friend of ours
that had gone. She said I needed to get to the hospital as fast as
lightning strikes, and I was. He had tripped on the soccer ball because he
was distracted, broke his neck on impact, and died instantly. He parents
arrived with mine shortly after I did. They had him in the emergency room
when I got there, I had actually entered the hospital before the ambulance
arrived with him. They let me in, mostly because I was going to see him one
way or another, and I was holding his hand when our parents walked in. His
hand was cold, his eyes were closed, he looked like we was asleep, still in
his uniform. My mom walked up to me and I turned into her crying, his
parents hugged me from either side while I cried.

	He died in January and it was affecting me, but not enough to draw
attention. I think Eric notices, he kept trying exceedingly harder to make
me laugh, and he was good at it. I was having so much trouble thinking of
how to tell him. He might not even want a relationship with me. Mrs. Harpy
admitted to me that she didn't know what Eric wanted, but she did tell me
who did.

	I went to Erica for the first time since we met. She was altogether
different to me when I talked to her this time. We talked for a long time,
and I never got around to telling her what I came to, but I think I was
making progress towards getting the information that I needed. We met and
talked many times, for about a month. She told me not to tell Eric I was
meeting with her, and I agreed. Finally one day I told her that I loved her
brother and wanted to be with him, but I was scared he wouldn't want the
same. She was smiling so much and just jumped towards me hugging me so
tightly I could barely breathe. She said she was sworn to silence by
sibling law, but some laws are meant to be broken. She said that I was all
he talked about, and he had drawings of me all over his room, not on the
walls because their parents didn't know, but in his sketch pads and
portfolios. She said all he wanted was to tell me how he felt, but he
thought I was into girls, he even thought I was dating a cheerleader. I
guess he was thinking of my cousin that I hang around most of the time. We
have different last names and look nothing alike, so I can see where one
might assume that. Plus she is probably THE most popular girl at
school. Now I was excited.

	I was playing soccer in the park on day and I knew Eric was laying
in the grass a hundred feet away. I was trying to show off to him, but he
was drawing like he always is. I noticed he had taken off his shirt and I
remembered the day Allison had lifted it. Instant hard on. I had to start
concentrating more on the game as it got more competitive, although we were
all friends playing. I looked in his direction while I was impressively
dribbling the ball and noticed him on his back. The next kick I landed on
the ball sent it straight at him. I yelled and he looked up then lay flat
to let it bounce over him, but instead it hit him right on those abs. I ran
over to apologize and asked him to join. He declined because he was waiting
to meet Allison. I was very disappointed, but I went back to the game. When
I was walking up Dwayne asked me, "How's your boyfriend." I pushed him
away, but only mockingly. He knew about me and Jared and liked to tease
me. I saw him and Allison sitting under a tree later and he was showing her
where the ball had hit. I ran over to see if it had left a mark. Oh boy it
did, a big red circle. I ran my hand over it and he winced. I told him he
said it didn't her before. He told me it didn't then but I does now. I
kissed my hand and placed it on the mark to make it better, and after I
made that all too obvious gesture, the team came over to see his mark too.

	The next week he was missing school. I was talking to Mrs. Harpy on
his third day away and she told me he had the flu and asked if I would
bring his homework to him and explain it since I seemed to be doing so well
by myself all of a sudden. I was blushing and agreed, Mr. Michaels asked me
to do the same for him. I went to his house and he looked like he felt
horrible. I have heard that you can never know if you love someone until
you stay with them while they have the flu. Well, he was more precious than
ever, poor little sick boy. I wanted to just put him in my lap and rock him
to sleep. He answered the door in his boxers and a t-shirt. While he was
putting on some clothes, Erica and I talked, she said I should use this
chance to start talking to him outside of school. She gave me their number
and told me to say it was Mrs. Harpy's idea for me to call and let him know
what had happened in class everyday. We studied and Erica made lunch, but
he didn't eat, go figure. I left after a couple of hours, and that took all
my will power. The next day Mrs. Harpy handed me a paper after class. I
looked at her and said, "Eric's phone number!?"

"Yes, it is. Good guess."

"No, I already knew his number, why are you giving it to me?

"You have that boy's number and haven't been calling him every night since
you got it."

"No! Well technically yes, but I only got it yesterday from his sister."

"I am confused."

"I talked to his sister after our talk. When I gave him his work yesterday
his sister slipped me there number and told me to call him to tell him what
happened in class then blame it on you."

"I swear, those children know me too well. You go, you little sneak. Next
time I see you two together, you had better be dating."

I was calling him every night of course and we talked for hours until he
would fall asleep. He was so cute on the phone. After he took his medicine
he would get very drowsy and start to say odd things as he was drifting
off. One night he said, "Goodbye grandmaw, I love you." Just to hear him
say those words, even if they were meant for someone else. I lifted me up
so high.

	I was in the thralls of how to tell him how I felt one day and even
his efforts weren't enough to bring me out of my depression. I was thinking
about Jared and if I was just imagining that he didn't want me to like Eric
or if he really would give me permission. Eric kept trying to get me to
talk and after physics I asked him to meet me after school so we could
talk. He agreed and when I was headed to my car after last period, I saw
him waiting by my car. I suggested we get some food. I figured if I could
take him to that hamburger shop and not fall dead there, I had Jared's
permission. I also wanted the people there to meet Eric. When we got there
I was still so nervous. I couldn't talk or eat. He suggested the lake. I
loved the lake, it always made me calm. I brightened up some and agreed. We
went to the oak me and Jared used to make out in when we were hiding from
his parents. I told him about the spot up in the tree and we made our way
up. He started to eat, and I thought, "It is now or never."

"Eric I love you and want to be yours forever."


________________________________________________________________________

Comments welcomed forty40eleven@cs.com