Date: Mon, 28 Aug 2000 09:14:11 EST
From: Drew Sydney <apwcomm@hotmail.com>
Subject: Life at a Private School chapter 11

Discalaimer:
If you are underage, or it is illegal for you to be reading works of gay
fiction then bugger off ( or be careful - please).

Im sorry guys and gals that it takes me so long to get each chapter up and
running, Im a slack bastard I know, but life is always so hectice with work
and the gym and everything that goes on.  I'm starting to get into some
pretty important stuff about Tim and Josh in the next couple of chapters and
this chpater is sort of like an epiphany for Josh.  The next chapter has
almost been completed and I wil try to get it up in the next week or so.

My site http://members.xoom.com/myplacedrew/private/ is now averaging about
100 hits a day from all over the world and is at the top of the list for
some some of the stats from the webrings which has been absolutely mind
blowing! I continue to receive hundreds of emails from people telling me
about their own experiences and how the story has touched them or just to
say hi, so please keep em coming I love to hear from y'all.

So from the home of the 2000 Olympics - thank God I'm escaping the country
for a couple of weeks take care and play nicely and safely!

Drew

___________________________________________________________________

Chapter Eleven

Josh oh my god Josh, Josh wake up are you ok? Tim shrieked as my body
crumpled and I fell to the ground.  Tim rushed around and cradled me in his
arms, tears streaming down his face rocking me in his arms.

As I came to I felt incredibly thirsty and I was imagining that the entire
car was a glass of water.  At first I didn't know what was going on, but as
I became more and more aware of the pounding in head and my desire to drink
forever, I realised that I was having a hypoglycemic attack and that I
needed to get to a hospital to regulate my blood sugar levels.  At that
moment though I couldn't do anything and all I wanted was something to
drink!.

A women from another car at the service station had called an ambulance and
I was vaguely aware of the droning sound in the distance.  I looked up and
could see the terror in Tim's tear streaked face as he clucked over me like
a mother hen.  My hearing was a bit funny and my forehead was numb from
where I had hit it on the way down to the ground.  I used all the strength
I had to find Tim's hand and softly take it in mine.

I could see Tim's mouth moving and knew he was talking to me but I couldn't
hear him.  The pounding in my head started to stop and the bright day
became darker and darker as I lapsed back into unconsciousness.

Oh my god Josh, come on Josh wake up wake up.  Tim stroked my face and
continued to rock me gently on his lap.

Listen honey is he on any drugs, he doesn't look good at all, the woman
from then other car said, I've called an ambulance.

He's um he's a diabetic, Tim bit his lower lip and continued to stroke me
whispering my name over and over again.

Don't worry honey your friend will be fine, he probably needs some insulin
or something like that she said.

The sound of the ambulance grew louder and louder and its tires squealed as
it came to an abrupt halt.  The paramedics jumped out of the front and
quickly grabbed some things including an oxygen pack from the back and came
over to us.

What happened, the shorter paramedic asked.

He just complained of being a bit tired and hungry and needing a drink,
then when he got up out of the car he just passed out and keeps on waking
up and then passing out again, he's diabetic or something.

While Tim was recounting what had happened the other paramedic placed an
oxygen mask over my face and started checking my stats.  I was only just
aware of what was going on and when he asked if I could hear him I could
only just weakly nod.

So who are you the paramedic asked Tim and how old is he?

Um, I'm his um friend um boyfriend and we're 17 almost 18, Tim mumbled
defensively.

Ok, the paramedic chuckled its ok don't worry it's just that your both
minors we have to call his parents, we have to take him to hospital.  Josh
is in a diabetic coma and he really needs urgent treatment.  He must have
caught the terror in Tim's eyes, I know I could feel and see it as Tim
squeezed my hand even tighter. Don't worry he'll be as right as rain in a
couple of days.  There shouldn't be any lasting damage he grinned.

The paramedics started an IV line in my arm and my mind started to clear as
I became less dehydrated and the glucose entered my body.  I turned to Tim
and tried to tell him I loved him but not much other than a wheeze came
out, but the look in my eyes was enough and his eyes filled with tears as
the paramedics worked on me.

As I was lifted up into the back of the ambulance Tim tried to hop in too
but he was stopped by the paramedic whose name, Tim was printed on a badge
on his shirt.  Sorry Mate but only family is allowed to travel in the
ambulance with patients.  Follow us to Hornsby Hospital and we will see you
there.

I tried to raise myself up and argue that I wanted Tim there with me in the
ambulance but I was too weak and I could do was slightly lift my head, I
was just so exhausted.  I caught sight of Tim's face as the door of the
ambulance closed.  His beautiful face was streaked with tears that ran a
jagged line from the corner of his eyes over those amazing sharp cheekbones
and down his soft smooth skin of his neck to his war supple chest.  His
eyes had a faraway look of worry and fear, fear of the unknown and scared
of being afraid, they were so brown that I felt as though they were
communicating directly to my very soul.  Whether I was hallucinating at
that moment or not I don't know but I knew that our hearts and minds were
communicating as one.

Tim gave me an injection in the ambulance through my IV line and I drifted
off to sleep as the movement from the travel soothed me.  Hen I woke up I
was being taken out of the ambulance and into the Emergency department of
the hospital.  I looked around and thought that it looked nothing like the
emergency departments on any of the Hollywood shows, it was grubby and
scary.  Sort of like a down trodden hotel built in the 60's and never done
up.  The horrible wood paneling looked like it had seen better days and
even the ceiling had cracks in it.  I was wheeled into an examination
cubicle and the curtain was pulled close leaving me on my own for a few
minutes.

I drifted back to sleep and was woken by the sound of raised voices on the
other side of the curtain.  I listened and I could hear Tim arguing with
the someone about seeing me.  The woman kept on saying family only and
since he wasn't family he had to wait.  I struggled to pull the oxygen mask
off my face and call out Tim's name.  My mouth was so dry from everything
that I could barely wheeze.  I fought back the tears as I heard the nurse
tell Tim to leave or she would have him thrown out.

At that moment Tim burst through the curtains and came straight over to me
and gently brushed his lips against mine and whispered, "I'll be back later
don't worry they can't keep me away."  Then he was gone brushing rudely
past the nurse.  I had my first look at the nurse that had stopped Tim, she
was dressed in normal nurse gear but also had a large crucifix hanging down
around her neck.  I shuddered as I realised that she was probably quite
repulsed by the thought of boys being with boys.  She took my temperature
and other observations with great efficiency then looked at me with a
scornful look and turned and left leaving me alone once again.

I was damn annoyed and upset at being treated like a second class citizen
and that even in the nineties in a country like Australia you could still
get treated with such scorn and contempt.  It made my resolve to stay
hidden in the closet even stronger than it had been before.  Tim and I must
be so careful to hid our relationship or we would be separated and not able
to be together.  I must have drifted off again because I woke up to find
both my parents sitting in the room with me.

My mother was holding my hand and gently stroking my hair.  I opened my
eyes to see her tired face , she smiled and said' "welcome back you've been
in and out of it for hours, don't try to talk or move, you're ok in the
hospital".  I looked around and saw that I was in a different room now, it
had a window at the end of my room, outside it was pitch black so I knew it
must have been late.

I cleared my throat and my mother lifted a glass of cool water to my lips.
I took a few sips and asked what time it was?

2 am baby, mum said.

Where am I now?  I managed to croak out

We transferred you to the San Private hospital because then you could have
your own room and your normal doctor could take care of you too….

I nodded and then asked the question that I really wanted to know, Where's
Tim?

Mum looked at me with a flicker of fear in her eyes then quickly covered it
up and told me he was waiting outside, he had refused to go home.  All the
while my father who had been sitting in an armchair got up and stared out
the window.  A chill went through my spine as I wondered if the paramedics
or the nurse had said anything.  Then my father spoke and said, that boy is
a bad influence on you, making you forget to have your medication and
having alcohol under age.  You are not to see him again, I forbid it do you
understand?  You are not to seem him again, your exams are in a few weeks
and you must do well or you will waste the rest of your life.

I looked at my mother who just stared into my face looking, searching for
something.  I pleaded with her to make him change his mind but she only
squeezed my hand tighter and tighter.

Tears spilled from my eyes but I bit my tongue to stop from making any
noise and turned my face away so neither of my parents could see me cry.  I
had a strange relationship with my parents, whilst I loved them very mush
and hoped that they were always happy and healthy, I never really shared
anything with them about who I really was or what I really felt.  I
accepted that this was normal for teenagers, especially gay teenagers.  To
my sisters I was even worse, they had no idea who their big brother was or
what he wanted, because I never spoke to them about anything of importance.
Sure I helped them out, by taking them to school if it was my turn, or
helping them with their homework, but I was so frightened of someone
finding the real me that instead I became a very shy person with an
enormous barrier around me that deflected anything personal away.

My parents assuming that I had fallen asleep started to argue in whispers
at the other end of the room about my fathers hard line.

I don't care how happy he has been or even if his marks have been good so
far, he is going to make something of his life, I no we have not sacrificed
so much for him to get involved with these wealthy boys who think they can
just sail through school and then live off their parent's money.  He is not
to see any of these people until after he has finished school and got into
the law course at university.

John, he's only a boy still, he needs to have fun and enjoy himself, this
is the first time in his life that he has had a good friend that is nice to
him, let him be or we will lose him, he'll rebel and then where will we be?
He's only a confused young boy.

My heart was pounding as I listened to them arguing, my entire life was
being planned out for me, from what I would do to where I would study,
probably to who I would marry.  My god what where they going to do when
they found out I was gay?  I bit my lip to stop myself from making any
noise and let the tears fall down my face and make my pillow damp.

My mother leaned over and gave me a quick pick on the cheek and I could
smell her reassuring scent of her favorite perfume.  I pretended to still
be asleep and moved ever so slightly to his the tears on my face.

As they left the room I opened my eyes and stared out the window to the
lights of the city far away in the distance.  I was not all that
comfortable with an IV tube sticking into my arm my head hurt from where I
had hit my forehead my back and my side hurt as well, I assumed that I had
probably hurt them falling over as well.

As I stared out into the distance I thought about my life and what I wanted
from it, where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do and see.  I had no idea
what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, gee when I though about the
rest of my life I couldn't even think past next year let alone longer and
longer than that.  I knew one thing though and that was that I wanted my
life to be with Tim.  I knew we were young and all that but the feelings I
as feeling from him were unlike anything I had every felt before they were
making me do such silly things whilst at the same time making me so happy
and joyous!  If this is what love is then I was well and truly in love with
the most special boy in the world.  Even in my sad and sorry state when I
thought of his perfect body my cock hardened a little and I had to shift a
little to get more comfortable.

As I lay there staring out into the hive of humanity that I knew was there
but couldn't see the door to my room opened and I knew it was Tim.  I
turned around and he grinned at me putting his finger to his lips to tell
me to keep quiet.  We embraced and he wrapped his strong arms around me in
a careful yet gentle hug, planting little kisses all over my lips cheeks
and nose.

I'm sorry I whispered, I should have remembered to take my pills, but with
everything on the weekend as so wonderful I simply forgot.  I'm sorry baby
for ruining your weekend.

Tim smiled that smile of his and his eyes sparkled mischievously and said,
well you will just have to teach me how to take care of you and remind you
to take you pills if we are going to be together you know.  I smiled back
and pulled him a little closer to me.  Your parents wouldn't let me come in
so I had to wait till they left, and because we are both underage I
couldn't be with you in Emergency.  But I've been waiting all afternoon and
night to see you and make sure you are ok.  You gave me such a fright, In
was so worried, so worried that I might lose you.  Tim started to cry and
that set m off as well, after the conversation with my parents I was truly
very confused and upset.

I told him what my father had said and he and I just sat up in my bed
staring out at the city holding each other.  A nurse came in and got a bit
upset that I was awake and Tim was still there, but we begged her to let hi
stay saying that my parents wouldn't let him be their when they were
around.  We must have made such a pathetic sight that she relented but made
Tim promise that he would leave in 15 minutes and let me get some rest.

W spent that 15 minutes silently holding each other and staring out to the
city.  Somewhere out there people were able to be gay and be together with
the person that they loved without fear, without hatred just being
themselves together.  God I wished that Tim and I were out there.  Tim
reluctantly got up then leaned over to kiss me and telling me he would be
back tomorrow at lunchtime of school and we would work out something then.

After Tim had left I turned back around to watch the city lights again and
think, think about who I was, think about what I wanted and think about the
boy I loved and why I loved him.  Because I was so young and inexperienced
with these things, and I was frightened that what I felt was purely lust or
even worse obsession, after all I had watched Tim for years and years and
it was only a couple of months ago that we had finally got together.

Time passed and I fell into a restless sleep dreaming disjointed dreams of
running away from an unseen enemy, but never being able to stop and rest or
hide.  Every time I thought that I was away from them they would find me
and I would have to start running again.  Finally after many hours of
tossing and turning I turned around in my dream and stared straight at my
enemy and tried to see who it was.

At first the face was unknown then familiar, then through the fog and the
mist of my dreaming brain I saw the face of my enemy and I gasped out loud
and sat up in my bed straining for breath with my pulse racing covered in
sweat.

There were two of then confronting me not one person but two, even though I
was now fully awake and the shackles of sleep had left me I could still see
their faces imprinted upon the retina of my brain.

I now understood what it was that I was afraid of, I understood why I was
acting like such a fool, forgetting my medicine, being so afraid and so
vulnerable.  I now understood what it was I must do even though the very
thought of it terrified me and enthralled me at the same time.  As I
thought about the consequences of my actions I could see my future as two
very different paths, the one which I knew I must take, it was a scary path
filled with ups and downs, but at the end of the journey I knew there was
happiness and fulfillment.  The other path was one of mediocrity, one of
averageness that would see me exist not be particularly happy but not
unhappy.  Somewhere in the middle of all those conflicting signals I had
seen the future and my path yet to come.

The faces I had seen and my fears were mine and Tim's, I was frightened of
myself and the total realisation that I was gay and could never be happy
living this lie that had become my life.  I was living in a shell hiding my
true self from the world and keeping the people I loved away, I owed it to
myself and them to come out and show them who I truly was!

I looked out of the window as the sun just started to peep up over the
horizon and colour the world with its warmth and joy.  I remembered 48
hours earlier how I watched the sunrise in the arms of Tim, naked snuggled
up against his warm body at the beach house.  The memory strengthened my
resolve and I knew it was a sign that I had made the right choice, now all
I had to do was take the first few steps, but I knew that it would take a
few months before everything would be in place, and it would take some
convincing of Tim for it all to work but it would work because I would make
it.

Suddenly I felt as though I had just been given a massive injection of
energy as my whole body felt free and my mind started to soar.

I had made the choice to confront my demons and take charge of my life, I
was going to come out of the closet when I finished school and do what I
had always wanted to do, go to art school and paint even if my parents
disowned me I would do it.  The most important thing was that I had to
convince Tim to come and live with me after our exams, we could get jobs
and find a place to live, even if it meant having nothing, at least we
would be together forever.  We could live without fear without retribution
or hatred in the city here people like us lived.

The sun had risen on a new day and I was a new person!

_______________________________________________________________________

So If you enjoyed this chapter then come visit the Life at a Private School
Site at http://members.xoom.com/myplacedrew/private/ or email me at
apwcomm@hotmail.com to rant or rave at me about the story or my total lack
of ability to get stories written on timelines :)