Date: Fri, 13 Feb 2009 14:48:23 -0300
From: Brandon George <scottish_newfie2290@hotmail.com>
Subject: Life So Hard: Chapter 4

Life So Hard
By: advocatus diaboli

30 minutes, a blink of an eye
30 minutes, to alter our lives
30 minutes, to make up my mind
30 minutes, to finally decide

"30 Minutes" by t.A.T.u.

Chapter #4

The last thing I remember before I blacked out was me collapsing to the
ground and Brian desperately trying to hold me up. I think I was able to
give him my cell phone from my hand and I might have even been able to tell
him to call Dad. I really hope he did, because Father was really the only
person that knew the full extent of my medical history.

The next thing I remember is lying in a bed. A bed? How could I be in a
bed? I was last slumped up against a locker, gasping for breath. No, no. I
can't be in a bed. This is all wrong, this is not good. Not good at all. I
wasn't ready to open my eyes yet, I wanted to try and get my bearings
first. Ok, so I'm lying in a bed. What do I feel? My muscles are all
sore. Everywhere in my body. It's a dull ache right across the board. As
someone famously said, "my everything hurts."

Wait? What is this? Someone is holding each of my hands. Well, that's
silly. Someone can't be holding both my hands at the same time, that's
nearly impossible, at the very least extremely uncomfortable. The hand on
my left is definitely my father's, I can feel it. The hand on my
right... I'm not so sure. Elizabeth's? It has to be, who else could it be?

I slowly began to open my eyes, and call out to my father. I whispered,
barely able to talk, "Dad? Is that you? I need you. I need to know what's
going on." My eyesight was blurry. I couldn't make out the figures watching
over me. I recognized my father leaning over me, but I didn't realize who
the other person was. Their hair wasn't blonde, like Elizabeth's, so who
was it? "Who are you?" I asked, in a dazed whisper. The figure replied,
"Its Brian. I've pretty much been here since you got here. Do you know
where you are?" Before I could try to process what he asked me and come up
with an answer, he answered his own question. "Your at Hepburn Heights
General. It's been 3 days, it's Monday. This all started on Thursday, 4
days ago."

"Why aren't you in school? I asked. My voice was getting stronger.  "Its
6pm. School's been out for hours now." He replied, smiling at me. He leaned
down and whispered to me, "It would be worth it to miss school to be here
when you woke up, though."

That made me smile; maybe he did feel the same way I was feeling. I'm still
trying to figure my own feelings out for him, but this was a sign that he
was in the same general direction as me. With a smile still on my face, I
turned to my Dad. "It came back." I said that as a statement, more then as
a question. We had hoped the doctors had got the entire tumour when I was
young, but we both knew this day would likely come. "How bad is it?"

His face grew stern. "I won't get into much detail, that's for the doctor
to discuss with you. But, what I am going to say is, you got rushed to the
ER where they had to operate immediately. You had stopped breathing for a
few minutes, and they needed to remove the cancer tumour immediately. They
feared the lack of oxygen to your brain had caused brain damage, so they
induced a coma. You've just woken up from it for the third time. This is
the longest you've been awake, though. So, hopefully this is it."

I put my head on my pillow and sighed, taking it all in. I lay there,
thinking about all the things my dad had just told me. I couldn't help it,
I started to cry. It was all so overwhelming. My Dad started to stroke my
hair and tell me it would be all ok. I looked over at Brian and a wave of
embarrassment hit me. "I'm sorry, Brian. You didn't need to see that..." I
mumbled.

"See what? The fact that you just went through a hell of a lot of stress
and you're scared? Don't worry; I'd be doing the exact same thing in your
position. Just remember, your Dad will always be there for you. You have
people that care for you, some care very deeply."

I found what he was saying very comforting, until he said the last
thing. That stung, because I knew he wasn't talking about himself. No way
could he care for me, he barely knew me.

Almost like he was on cue, the doctor walked in. "Ah! Andrew, I was hoping
you'd be awake by now. I'm Dr. Roberts. Are you going to be staying with us
permanently this time?" He chuckled. "Don't worry; it's pretty common to
fade in and out. So, how do you feel?"

"Like crap," I replied, honestly. "All my muscles hurt. It's not a sharp
pain; it's more of a dull and throbbing pain."

"Yeah, we were expecting that. The lack of oxygen to your body when you
stopped breathing did some damage. We're going to have to rebuild the
strength in your arms and legs." Dr. Roberts turned to my Dad and Brian and
asked them, "Can you please give me Andrew and I a few minutes alone? I
need to talk to him about some personal things."

"Sure Doctor." My Dad replied, leading Brian out of the room. I heard the
door close a few moments later. "Andrew," Dr. Roberts said to me, in a calm
voice, "we noticed some fading bruises on your shoulder and ribs, what
happened?"

"Nothing!" I got defensive, "I just...uh, fell down the stairs a little
while back and everything's fine. Ok?"

"Sure, ok." He looked at me, unconvinced. "There are a few other things I
need to talk to you about. Your body's been through a lot of trauma in the
past few days. You have to take it easy, especially watching your breathing
patterns. We don't anticipate too much trouble, but you still need to be
careful. No extreme exercises, of any kind?" He looked at me, wondering if
I understood what he was trying to say to me.

I got what he was trying to say and replied, unenthusiastically, "Yes,
doctor..."

"Yeah, I know... it sucks, but that's all we can do. Also, some other
important things, for the duration of your stay with us, about a week, I
don't want you to shower alone. You can wear shorts or something, to... you
know, but it's just too risky. You could fall, bang your head. Too many
things can go wrong, ok? Actually, when your Dad comes back in, I want you
to go and have one."

"Yes, Dr. Roberts." I said.

"Good. I'm going to let your Dad and Brian back in." He walked over to the
door and opened it, "come back in you two." There was a pause, then he
said, "Oh, ok. Business stuff? That's a shame; I needed to discuss some
things with him. But, you're more then welcome to come back in."

Brian walked into the room and sat beside me. "Everything ok?" he asked,
with genuine concern in his voice.

I took a deep breath, and spoke very carefully. "The doctor says I need to
take a shower now."

He curled up his nose, in a cute way, and replied, "Hell yes! I was trying
to be polite, but dude, you stink!" He stuck his tongue out at me.

"Well...umm..." I wasn't sure how to say this, "He says I can wear shorts
and stuff, but umm... he wants me to have, well... help..." I waited,
watching his reaction. Did I just make a big mistake?

"Ok, sure. Anything, dude. Before we go do that, I got a question for you."

"Sure, shoot. Not much else can get embarrassing considering what we're
about to do."

His face turned red with embarrassment and he asked me, very softly, "Are
you gay?"

"Wh...Wha...What are you asking me that for?" I stuttered, in nervous
shock.

"Well, it's just that..." He trailed off, as he adjusted himself in the
seat, trying to get comfortable. "It was about 11am on Friday, your Dad was
at work. You came to, and asked what was going on. I told you that it was
me here with you, your Dad was gone to work and that you were in the
hospital. You smiled, and said you were glad it was just the two of us
here..."

"Oh, I see." I said, very nervously.

"Yeah, you asked me if I'd catch you."

"Catch you..?" I asked, confused.

"Yeah, catch you if you fell for me."

Oh God. Oh. My. God. No way had I said that. No freakin' way. Damn. This is
where he says that he is leaving, outing me at school and never wants to
talk to me again. Sadness overwhelmed me, and tears started to form in my
eyes.

He leaned in and put his mouth beside my ear. I could feel his hot breath
on my skin. "Shh... it's ok," he gently whispered. His voice was so
soothing, I began to relax. "I like you a lot... A hell of a lot. Of course
I'll catch you. I want to be with you for a very long time, Andrew. Now, I
don't mean to end this love-fest, but you stink." He slowly moved away and
walked over to the other side of the bed. "Let's get you up, dear."

He retracted the bed guard thing and helped me get out of bed. As I moved
my legs off the bed and put them on the ground, pain shot through my
legs. I couldn't help but grit my teeth and let out a low growl of
pain. "It's ok, sweetie. We'll take our time. I nodded, "I'm ok, let's do
this." I slowly began to put weight on my feet and stood up. I was shaky,
but was standing. Breathing, while lying on your back is far different then
when you're standing up. When I was lying down, my breathing wasn't very
strained. Now, standing up, I could feel my battered lungs trying to get
the oxygen pumping through my body.

Brian, with a look of concern on his face asked, "Are you ok? Want me to
get the doctor?" I reassured him, "I'm fine. This is just a little weird,
getting used to it." He nodded and helped me walk over to the washroom.

The washroom was surprisingly big. I suppose it has to be, though. After
all, it needs to fit wheelchairs and all those kinds of things. Lying on
the counter by the sink was a pair of shorts. I grabbed them and turned to
him, "Can you please give me a minute? I won't lock the door, promise." He
nodded and left the bathroom.

It took me a few minutes, and it hurt, but I managed to get the shorts
on. It was exhausting, so I put the seat down on the toilet and sat
down. After I'd caught my breath, I told Brian to come in. He opened the
door a crack and asked, "Are you decent?" I reassured him that I had my
shorts on and I was ready. The door flew open and he rushed over to me. He
knelt down beside me and put his hands on my face. He looked me right in
the eyes; I thought he was going to kiss me. "I was so worried. I had to
stop a dozen times from barging in. Are-"

I couldn't help it, he was beautiful. I wasn't really paying attention to
what he was saying, my attention was on his lips. They were amazing, so
sweet and tender. They were teasing me. I leaned in and kissed him. My lips
pressed against his, and I could feel his surprise. Before long though, I
could feel him return the kiss with passion. We stood up and I began to rub
my hands over his back. I could feel his muscles from under his shirt. My
tongue began to make its way into his mouth, as his made its way into mine.
It must have been a minute or two before he finally broke it off. "Wow!"
That's all I managed to say as I rested my head on his shoulder, trying to
catch my breath.

Silently, I moved in the direction of the shower. I began to lift my leg
up, to step into the shower, so Brian held my arm to steady me. I lifted my
other leg in, with no issues. Brian reached for the knob and turned it to
the hot water setting. Naturally, it was cold water that came out
initially. I got blasted with a jet of ice cold water for a minute or two
until it finally began to warm up. He had turned it up really high, so I
cranked it down a bit until I found it comfortable. "How do you want to do
this?" He asked.

"Usually, I work my way down, but I don't know how much I can help you. My
stamina is shot. It's taking all my energy to just stand." He nodded and
began to wet my hair. After it was thoroughly soaked, he shampooed up his
hands and began to run his hands through my hair. I tell you, it was one of
the best feelings I've ever had. I began to quietly moan. "Like that?" He
said, shooting a smile in my direction. "I can't say I don't." I replied,
clearly embarrassed. He rinsed out my hair, and began to soap up my
chest. By no means am I ridiculously muscular, but I'm not exactly hurting
in that department, either. Brian seemed to notice, and took extra effort
to soap up my chest. It felt so good; I became increasingly aware of the
growing bulge in my shorts. He gasped when he saw the big scar running down
the right side of my body.

I saw his reaction and began to explain, "That's from the first operation,
when the cancer first reared its ugly fucking head." He nodded in
understanding and continued to soap me up, making the wise decision to not
pushing the subject any further. His hands moved all the way to the
waistline of my shorts. I sensed his hesitation, but he continued his
task. Instead, moving to my back. He to, noticed the minor tenting of my
shorts. Again, I sensed his hesitation as his hand moved along the
waistband. He worked his way up my back and gave special attention to my
shoulder blades. My shoulder was still a little sore from what David did to
me, but I shook off the pain, and didn't say anything.

He helped me rinse off, and once we were finished he looked at me and said,
"Well, I guess you need some time alone, to, err, take care of some
things." He seemed a little disappointed.

I was scared, thinking about what I was going to do. But, I acted
confident, hiding my immense nervousness. "No, it's ok, buddy. If you don't
mind. I don't think I can do this properly without some help, and I can't
think of a better person to help me. Ok?"

His eyes lit up, I could tell he was happy and excited. I put my hands on
the waistband of my shorts. With slight hesitation, I pulled them down. I
watched them drop to the floor. Here I was, buck naked in front of the guy
that I had a serious crush on, and had only met a few weeks before. I knew
he was staring at it, before I even looked up. It's nothing special,
really. At this point, I was semi-hard and kinda just flopping around. At
my best, I'm about 7 inches, and I got a patch of brown pubic hair at my
base. My face was bright red with embarrassment, and when I looked at his,
it was of pure ecstasy. He clearly was enjoying the sight. His hands had
fallen beside him, so I gently took my hands and guided his down to
me. With the bar of soap in his hands, and his hands in mine, we began to
soap up. First, we soaped up my hair, and then began to move down my
shaft. It felt so good, that my erection got completely hard. As our hands
began to move up and down it, I began to moan again. His hands began to
work their way around to my backside. I could feel his hands working their
magic on my bum. I was surprised when his hands began to move towards my
crack. "Don't...you...think..." is all I managed to say in between gasps
for air.

He began to move his hands up, until they were holding my face. He leaned
in and gave me the tenderest kiss possible. "Let's get you back to bed."

With Brian's help, I rinsed up, dried off and got my hospital gown back
on. We made our way back into the room and I laid down on the bed. I
shuffled over, so there was room for him to lie down beside me. "Come,
watch t.v. with me." I said, patting the empty space beside me. His face
was glowing as he made his way over and lay down beside me. I grabbed the
remote and flicked on the news, to CNN. "Hope you don't mind the news."

"As long as I'm with you, I don't mind anything." He whispered, as he
reached for my hand and held on tight.