Date: Wed, 17 May 2000 17:06:18 ADT
From: Mitch Richards <kool_31@hotmail.com>
Subject: Life Sucks (gay/highschool)

Disclaimer: Do not Read this story if it is illegal in your area or if you
are under age. All characters in this story are completely made up and the
events in this story are a combination of real events which happened to me
and false events which I made up. Any comments you have can be sent to:
kool_31@hotmail.com all flames are ignored. Please enjoy the story.

	"Damn this sucks" I said to myself. It's Friday night and I'm
sitting here all alone in my room. I could have gone out but with who, and
to do what. I'm not a loser my so called friends just don't want to do the
things I like, so I'm stuck here playing solitaire on my computer and
listening to my stereo. I got home from school about three hours ago and
I'm extremely bored. I'm on my tenth game with Westlife playing on my
stereo. My school has a certain stereotype about guys who listen to boy
bands. They are supposedly gay if they listen to Backstreet boys or N'sync,
well I guess they are right about me but I'm not about to let them know
that.

	My name is Scott and I'm 15 years old I'm in the tenth grade this
year. And I must be the most lonely person in the world. I wouldn't say I'm
ugly, just not as cute as all the jocks. I have been called cute but I
think they were only being nice.  I have bad luck with relationships I
don't recall having one last over two months every time I find someone that
makes me happy they leave me with a broken heart.  I'm starting to think
I'm meant to be alone forever. It doesn't help that I have clinical
depression in fact it makes it ten times worse. I can't tell anyone what
I'm going through without telling them I'm gay so I don't say anything I
just smile and bear it. The only people who know I'm gay are my friends on
the net, but they all live far away.

	Well I met this guy in a chat room a few weeks ago. He was nice to
me from the moment I entered the room. I like him a lot but too bad he
lives far away. We always talk to each other every night. If he's having a
bad day he'll tell me about it and I'll do the same. It helps to have him
to talk to. Well tonight we were taking and he was telling me about his
day. He found out that he has to move and won't be able to talk to me for
awhile. I was really depressed.  He asked for my home address so he could
write me letters. I gave him my address then I had to say good bye to me
cause It was getting late. I shut my computer off and climbed into bed and
fell asleep quickly.

	I woke up the next morning and jumped in the shower. I got out of
the shower and went to my room to get dressed. Mom was taking me to get
some new clothes, even though I had tons of clothes. My mom is awesome. We
jumped into the car and headed towards the mall. I sat in the front seat
staring out the window.  "what's wrong Scott" Mom asked.

"A friend that I talk to a lot is moving and won't be able to talk for
awhile" I told her. "It'll be alright Scott" she said pulling in the
parking lot.

	We headed towards the stores and we went to MacDonald's after. We
got home around 4pm. I went up to my room with the clothes Mom bought me
and put them away. I turned my computer on. I sat at my desk and opened my
ICQ I had a message from Justin. He told me that he was leaving tomorrow
for his new house, but he said he would write me. I was glad that he would
write me. I decided to go for a walk. I put some of my new shorts on and
one of my new t-shirts on. I threw on my new Nike sneakers and went
downstairs. "Mom I'm going outside for a bit I'll be home in a bit" I told
her. "Ok Scott" she replied. I grabbed my discman off the counter and put
my headphones on and walked out the door.

	I headed towards the park. On my way I passed a house that used to
be empty but had curtains on the windows. "I could have sworn that house
was empty yesterday" I said. I continued walking and when I got to the park
there were some kids playing basketball I noticed a new kid sitting on the
swings along he looked kinda sad so I walked over. "Is this swing taken" I
asked. "No" he replied. "You must be new around here" "yeah we just moved
today" "may I ask why you look so upset." "Well I my friend" "where does he
live" "somewhere around here" "well do you know his address" "yes, why"
"let's go find his house" "are you this nice to everyone you meet" he asked
surprised. "Come to think of it not really I'm usually only this nice to
people I know" I told him. "Cool well My name is Justin" he said putting
his hand out towards me. "I'm Scott" I replied shaking his hand.  "My
friend has the same name as you" he told me. "He does, do you know where
this address is" he asked showing me the paper.

	My eyes went wide as I saw that the address he had was in fact my
address.  "Yeah I know where that place is, in fact I know the person
living there" I said.  "You do, that's cool" Justin said. "Well I hope I
know him cause that's my house."  I said. "What, you the Scott I have been
talking to on ICQ" Justin said. "Yep" I said. "I should have known" Justin
said. "Well come on you can meet my Mom" "ok let's go I just need to stop
at my house to tell my parents ok" "no prob Justin."  "Hey you can meet my
parents Scott" "cool"

	We got to Justin's house a few minutes later. "Mom, Dad I'm home"
Justin yelled. "In here Justin" his Dad yelled. We walked in to the living
room "Mom, Dad remember my friend I was supposed to write when we got here"
Justin asked.  "Yeah why" his mom asked. "Well this is Scott his lives down
the street from us, he is the one I was supposed to write to" Justin
said. "Well Scott it's nice to meet you, we heard so much about you from
Justin." his Dad said. " I hope it was all good" I said laughing. "It was"
his Mom said. "Well Mom I'm going to Scott's house for bit ok" Justin
asked. "Ok don't be out too late" "thanks Mom."

	We headed towards my house. "So Scott how are things with you"
Justin asked. "Ok I guess" I reply. "Things will get better" Justin said
putting his arm around my shoulder. We arrived at my house and Justin
followed me inside.  "Mom I have some good news" I yelled. Mom came out
from the kitchen. "What is it Scott" she asked drying her hands. "This is
my friend Justin he was the one I told you about, you were right things did
turn out alright" I said. She just smiled and shook Justin's hand. "Well I
have to finish doing those dishes." she said.

	We went up to my room. "Wow you have a big room Scott" Justin said.
"Thanks" I replied. Justin sat at my computer desk while I sat on my bed.
"Nice computer Scott" he said. " My mom bought it for me last Christmas" I
told me.  "So Scott tell me what's been going on to look so depressed"
Justin suddenly said.  "Well it's a mixture of things most of which you
have heard before, but mostly I want what I read about in the Internet. I
want someone who understands what I feel and can comfort me. I want someone
I can hold and someone who won't give up on me when I'm being a jerk" I
said letting a few tears escape. Justin got up and walked over to me and
knelt down in front of me, he brought his hand to my face and wiped the
tears away. "Scott I know I have only known you for only a few weeks, but I
understand what you have been going through cause I have been looking for
the same thing, and I knew you were depressed so I have that part covered,
Scott what I'm saying to say is that I have fallen in love with you" Justin
said softly. "Justin I fell in love with you the very first time I talked
to you but I never figured we would be together so I didn't get my hopes
up" I whispered.  "Scott me moving here was no accident I begged my parents
to move here. I told them you were going through some bad times and that
you really needed a friend to help you get through it and said they would
think it over, the next day my dad said he requested that his transfer be
moved here and they approved it. When they told me I was so happy"Justin
said.

	Justin had moved from the floor to beside me. It looked like he was
going to cry "Justin what's wrong" I asked. "Nothing it's just hard to
believe that we are here together." he said. "Does that mean your my
boyfriend" I asked looking at the floor. "If you want me to be your
boyfriend" Justin replied lifting my face to meet his eyes. Justin had
these deep Blue eyes that just looking into them made to forget about
everything around, it felt like he could peer into my soul. "I'd like that
very much" I said. "Then it's settled I'm yours forever" Justin
said. "Justin don't make promises you can't keep" I said. "Scott you have
to believe me I'm yours forever, I know you have been hurt before and I
plan on making you forget all of that. I know you put a barrier around your
feelings and personally I don't blame you but I intend to help you knock it
down, but Scott I'm not going anywhere unless it's with you" Justin
said. "Justin are you sure you want to be with a depressed person" I
said. "Scott you have to stop thinking you are meant to be happy, I'm here
aren't I give me your hand" Justin said holding out his hand. I reached
towards his hand a grabbed it. "See I'm real, I'm not a dream and I'm here
for you Scott." Justin said Squeezing my hand. Justin let go of my hand and
pulled my into a hug. "I love you Scott" "I love you too Justin" we held
each other tightly. Every time Justin tried to move I squeezed tighter. I
moved us onto my bed and we just laid there holding each other for a while.

	Justin turned so he was facing me he moved his face close to mine
so that our foreheads were touching then he kissed me. He pulled back a
little and I moved my face up to his and kissed him back. "Scott does your
mom know your gay" Justin asked softly. "No I'm scared to tell her do your
parents know" I replied. "No they would kill me if they found out they are
completely against gay people, my dad said they should all be killed."
Justin said with a tear in his eye.  "It'll be alright Justin I won't let
him hurt you and I know my mom won't have a problem cause she has had to
treat gay people who have been beaten badly." I said. "She has?" Justin
asked. "Yep the other day she was telling she treated a young guy who was
beaten by a group of people cause he was gay, she says it shouldn't matter
if a person is gay or not" I told Justin.

	We laid there for a while longer and I noticed Justin had his eyes
closed.  "Justin are you asleep" I whispered. No reply. I slowly slipped
out from under him and quietly left my room. I walked down the stairs and
entered the living room.  "Mom would it be alright if Justin stayed the
night cause he kinda fell asleep while we were talking." I asked her. "If
it's alright with his parents do you know the number" she asked me. I shook
my head. "I run over there real quick and ask his parents." I said grabbing
my jacket. I opened my front door and left.

	I ran all the way to Justin's house. I knocked on the front
door. "Why, hello Scott, where's Justin" his Mom asked. "He fell asleep at
my house and I was wondering if it would be ok if he stayed the night" I
replied. "Sure no sense waking him up if he is already asleep, but I'm
gonna have to call your mom to make sure it's alright with her ok" she
asked. "Sure" I told her. I gave her my phone number and after she talked
to my mom it was settled. I thanks his Mom and ran back to my house. I
opened my front door and hung my jacket in the closet. I walked up the
stairs and opened my door. There was Justin lying on my bed sleeping. I
closed the door behind me and walked over to the bed. I knelt beside Justin
I ran my hand gently down his face. I brushed his hair off hi face. "I
can't believe I finally got what I have wished for after all these years" I
said quietly. "And you'll always have it Scott" Justin whispered. "Justin
your awake" I said surprised. "Yeah I woke up when I felt your hand against
my face" Justin said. "Sorry" I said. "Don't be, I should be getting home"
Justin said getting up.  "Your mom said you could stay here tonight" I
said. "Cool then lets get some sleep I'm really tired" Justin said before
he yawned. "Ok you take my bed I'll sleep on the floor" I told him. "OH NO
your sleeping with me so you can't get anymore depressed plus so I won't
have to sleep alone" Justin said.

	We stripped to our boxers and climbed into my bed. "No funny stuff
mister" I said looking at Justin. "Ok but can I have a goodnight kiss" he
asked. "Sure" I said. I faced Justin and kissed him. I could feel Justin
tongue move against my lips, I opened my mouth to allow him access we
probed each others mouths and when we released we were out of breath. "Wow
that was great Justin" I said.  "Thanks it was my first time" He replied
softly. "Same here but I'm glad it was with you" I said giving Justin a
quick kiss. "Goodnight Scott I love you" "I love you too Justin"

	"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO." I sat up in a cold sweat. I looked around unsure
of where I was. "Scott what's wrong" Justin asked pulling me into a hug. "I
had a nightmare I'll be alright Justin" I sobbed. "Scott this nightmare had
a big affect on you please tell me what is was about" Justin pleaded. I
told him about my nightmare. The whole time I was talking he never let go
of me and I'm glad cause I was crying the whole time. "Oh Scott I'm not
gonna leave you it was all a dream, let's try to get some sleep ok" Justin
said kissing me. I laid back down with Justin and fell asleep.

	I woke up the next morning before Justin, he had his arm around me
and one of his legs draped over mine. I watched Justin sleep and got to
thinking what are we going to do about school on Tomorrow and what about
his parents. I didn't have much time to think cause Justin woke
up. "Morning Scott" he said with a kiss. "Morning Justin how did you sleep"
I replied with another kiss. "Great" he said smiling. We got out of bed
"you can have the shower first" I said. "Thanks I'll be right back" he
replied. I sat on the edge of my bed thinking of how my life was going It
started out good then went bad then went good, what's next will it turn bad
again. I started to cry, I'm not sure why but I did. Justin walked in my
room and saw me crying. He rushed over to me "Scott what's wrong" he asked
worried.  I shrugged my shoulders. I couldn't stop crying. "I'll be right
back" Justin said running out of my room. He was back a minuted later with
my mom. When she saw me her face went pale "What's wrong Scott" she
asked. "I don't know" I whispered. "Justin go get Scott's jacket and shoes
please" Justin ran downstairs he was back a few minutes later. Mom had me
dressed by the time he was back . "ok Justin I'm taking him to the hospital
do you wanna come or stay" Mom asked him.  "I'm going with him if it's ok
with you" Justin replied. "Sure lets' go" mom said.  Justin helped me down
the stairs he put my arm around his neck for balance and he slowly walked
to the car with me.  I felt like shit and couldn't stop crying.

	We pulled in to the hospital parking lot and before mom could stop
the car Justin was out and helping me out of the car. Mom ran ahead to tell
the nurse we needed help. They put me in a wheel chair and Justin wheeled
me to the room the nurse told us to go to. Justin helped me on to the table
and sat beside me. Mom went to get some coffee. "Scott I love you please
tell me what's wrong' Justin whispered. I didn't respond I just sat
there. I had stopped crying but didn't talk or move. Mom came back a few
minutes before the doctor. Mom told the doctor that Justin was there for it
all. The doctor asked Justin a few questions and then left he came back
with another doctor. "This is doctor Andrews his is a expert on depression
he was visiting an depressed patient so I figured he could help" the doctor
told us. "Why, what's wrong with my son" My mom asked. "I'm not sure but
Doctor Andrews might be able to give you a better answer." "Mrs. Summers,
from what you and Scott's friend told me I think your son had Clinical
Depression but I'm not sure what type as of yet I'll need to speak with him
alone if you don't mind" Doctor Andrews said. "Sure come on Justin lets go
get something to drink" Mom said as Justin and her left. The other doctor
left.

	Doctor Andrews pulled a chair over next to the table. "Scott I'm
doctor Andrews but you can call me Ken, I'm going to ask you a few
questions ok" he asked. I nodded. "Ok just nod if it' a yes and shake you
head for no, have you been feeling really down for a long time" I nodded.
"Have you had thoughts of killing your self a few times" I nodded. "Have
you had been thinking your life is worthless and that someone is playing a
cruel trick on you" I nodded. " have you ever talked to anyone else about
this' I shock my head. "Can I ask you a personal question Scott" I nodded.
"Do you feel different than other boys do, like that somehow your
different" I nodded. "Your gay right Scott" I looked at the doctor with
fear. "Don't Worry Scott it's ok I'm not going to say anything, in fact I
have a son that is gay and he is younger than you" I relaxed a bit. 'The
friend you came in here with, you lobe him don't you" I nodded. "I could
tell he loves you, he seems really worried about you." I nodded. "Scott I'm
going to get you to take some antidepressants for a while ok, plus I'll
also talk with you once a week ok" I nodded. "And Scott, you should tell
your Mom, It'll take some worry away form you." the doctor patted me on my
back and asked me to follow him. The doctor talked with me as we made our
way to the cafeteria. We saw Justin and my mom sitting there. Justin looked
around the room and when his eyes met mine he jumped up from the table and
ran towards me, mom was right behind him "Scott" Justin yelled. He gave me
a big hug. I returned the hug but squeezed hard. "Scott, Are you alright"
Mom said suddenly. I let go of Justin and Nodded. "Mrs.  Summers I'm gonna
get Scott on some antidepressants and I'm going to be seeing him once a
week ok" the doctor told my Mom. "Sure anything to help him" she replied.

	Mom went with the doctor to sign some papers Justin walked me over
to the table and sat down next to me. "Scott you mom knows your gay" Justin
said. "I looked at him. "I didn't tell her, we were sitting here and she
said she hopped that it wasn't cause you were gay. I asked her how she knew
and she explained that you never had many girlfriends and she asked me if I
was gay" Justin said. "I'm sorry Justin" I said. "Don't be I'm glad I told
her now at least someone else knows and I don't have this big secret
hanging over me." Justin said hugging me. "Scott, Justin you two ready to
leave" Mom asked walking up to us. "I'm sorry mom" I said. "For what Scott"
"for not telling you about me" I said. "Scott I understand it's a hard
thing to admit to someone that your gay but I'll still love you just as
much cause your still my son and plus I'm not the only one that loves you"
she said glancing towards Justin. "Mom thanks, you don't know how much I
need to hear that" I said hugging her. I looked up at her and she smiled at
me. "Justin can you come here for a minute please" Justin slowly walked
over. "Justin I want to thanks you for what you did today" mom said. "What
did I do?" Justin asked.  "You helped my son you were there and you two are
good together last night was the happiest I have seen him in a long time"
she said giving Justin a hug.