Date: Thu, 27 Mar 2008 08:34:54 +0100
From: A.K. <andrej@andrejkoymasky.com>
Subject: The Life Wheel 13/15 (High School)

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THE LIFE WHEEL
by Andrej Koymasky (C) 2008
written on October 1, 1991
translated by the author
English text kindly revised by The Australian

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USUAL DISCLAIMER

"THE LIFE WHEEL" is a gay story, with some parts containing graphic
scenes of sex between males. So, if in your land, religion, family,
opinion and so on this is not good for you, it will be better not to
read this story. But if you really want, or because YOU don't care, or
because you think you really want to read it, please be my welcomed
guest.

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CHAPTER 13 - Marco 9 and Luca 4

Marco

Stefano from Germany and Arne from Denmark came. Kaj could not make it.

Leo and Tony along with other friends also made it. My father sent a
funeral wreath inscribed "Marco's Parents".

It had been a simple ceremony, as he would have liked. A simple funeral
but full of anguish.

Stefano and Arne stopped hereon occasions to keep me company. All my
friends kept close to me, showing me all their affection. Regardless, my
life is now empty, without Matteo. The guy who ran over him is now in
jail, but this doesn't bring back my Matteo.

When I was informed about the accident, my first reaction was an odd
calmness. I called Tony, and asking him to inform our friends. I called
the school informing them that Matteo had been involved in an accident
without telling them he had died, because I didn't want the school to
take part in the funeral service. I did all that was needed. I think
that Leo informed my parents. When the funeral was over, Leo informed
the school that Matteo had died.

Just after that, the school called me telling me that they needed a
temporary teacher until the end of the school year. "Professor Cordero
is dead, we need to replace him". I felt it was a sign of destiny, and
accepted.

When I went to the school, the Dean recognized me and asked me to go
with her at her office.

She said, "Sincerely, I am not so happy with the secretary calling you,
Olivero, but it seems that you were the only one on the list who is
available. I am not happy because I well remember that you were a
homosexual activist and I really don't like the idea that it could
become common knowledge that one of our teachers is..."

"Don't worry, I will not try to seduce the boys, if this is what you
fear."

"I can concede that you are well suited for the job, but amongst our
students there are also some who are... let's say... like you, and who,
having a teacher who is young and who is cast in the same mould... you
can understand..."

"No, I can't understand. Are you meaning that they could tempt me or I
lead them? You are evidently really narrow-minded, Madam the Dean."

"How do you dare to..."

"Listen carefully. You know nothing, but nothing! Professor Cordero was
my teacher, if you can remember that far. I was in love with Professor
Cordero and did all I could to make him understand, to get his attention
but he put me in my place. Do you know why?"

"Because he evidently was the right sort man."

"That's true, but not in the sense you imagine. Professor Cordero was
gay..."

"How do you dare to besmirch..."

"You are besmirching his memory. Professor Cordero, as I was telling
you, was gay and yet..."

"I forbid you to say such infamy!"

"Shut up! Matteo was my lover, and I've just buried him! All the time
here at school, even though he was in love with me, absolutely nothing
happened between us because he was a model teacher! Only when I started
to study at the university did he allowed himself to follow his heart,
to confess me that he too was in love with me. And stop looking like
that! or else... I said love, because what bound us for five years has
been love, yes Madam!

"When I was a student I could not understand his behaviour, but now I
can. Now I can, thanks to Matteo, to Professor Matteo Cordero della
Rocca. I have come to understand that a teacher can not and never should
mix his private life with his position as a teacher.

"And you now dare to tell me... Don't you feel ashamed, madam? It's true
that a man teacher can fall in love with a girl student, or a lady
teacher with a boy student. It happens! And so it was with me. Matteo
was in love with me. But any teacher worth this name, would not so much
as brush a finger against one of his students. Matteo never did it, I
will never do it. I have the right to be put at Matteo's place,
according to the official list's scores. I will carry on his work; we
always prepared the lessons together, we always revised the students
home work and tests together. I am the most suitable person to carry on
from where he... where he..." I said and burst in tears.

It was probably this act more than my words that softened that hag of a
Dean.

"I apologize, Professor Olivero. Section F is yours, at least until the
school year ends. Do you feel like going to the classroom, now?"

"Yes, Dean. Sorry for my outburst."

"May I... give you my condolences, Professor?"

"Thank you."

I went to 2F classroom. I called over the roll and as I called the names
it was as if I already knew each of them. I recalled the first lesson I
had with Matteo, that so young and so charming a Professor...

Having to teach, and to teach these boys and girls, Matteo's students,
helped me overcome my incredible my grief. I remembered that Matteo had
said the same thing when he talked to me about his mother's death.

The boys were astounded at the fact that I was going on exactly where
Matteo had left off.

A girl in the third year, in one of the first lessons, told me, "It's
incredible but your explanations are exactly like those of Professor
Cordero. We were all very fond of professor Cordero. We called him by
his name... can we do the same with you?"

Then they were even more amazed when I was making references to their
past compositions, "Did you go to the archive to read all our
compositions?" they asked me. I smiled and didn't answer.

In my previous temporary teaching I always felt nervous and somewhat
insecure. Now, I was feeling alright, almost as if Matteo was there, in
my chair alongside me.

At the end of the second term, Madam the Dean summoned me to her office
after the teachers meeting and told me, "It seems that you are skilled
with our pupils. The students of 3F go on telling me that they almost
feel as if they haven't had a change of teachers. The hold you in high
esteem..."

"Thank you."

"Is it a burden for you to take over Professor Cordero's place?"

"All the contrary, it is helping me overcome the terrible agony of his
death. Being here is doing me good."

"Do you know that when Cordero came to teach in our high school, he was
the same age as you?"

"Yes, of course, I know very well. He was a greenhorn teacher in our
opinion. My students probably judge me as being the same."

"Cordero quickly got your esteem and also that of his colleagues. I am
feeling that you are doing the same. After the school trip, 2F is doing
nothing but extolling your praise. Do you know what they told me? They
say you are a strict teacher, you demand much of them, but also that you
are really good. They say you are skilled in explaining things to them
and that you really care about them. Students are severe judges you
know! Your colleagues say that in Florence you have been able to make
your students to behave. Yes, your colleagues say good about you."

"Thank you."

"But remember, I will keep an eye on you, young man, as any Dean has to
do with a new and young teacher, but up until now I have no reasons to
complain."

"Thank you."

Then... Luca, of 1F. I recognized him at once as I entered their
classroom, thanks to the descriptions that Matteo gave of him. He was
right. Luca is something of a mix of Leo and Tony, but with something
else. Handsome, likeable, intelligent and studious, without being a
bookworm.

About the end of the third term, Luca came to talk with me at the
teachers' room. We were alone.

"Marco, can I tell you something that has noting to do with school?"

"Of course, Luca."

"I... I'm a friend of Leo. He told me about you and Matteo. I will not
tell a word to my mates, don't worry, it's your private business. The
others don't need to know about it, but... but I have to tell you that
I'm really sorry for you. Matteo was exceptional, you must miss him a
lot."

"Yes, very much."

"We loved Matteo, all of us. You know why? Because we could feel he
loved us, all of us, without making any distinctions. And now, we are
learning to love you too. My mates were often amazed because you,
although physically different, seem really another Matteo, because of
the way you behave. I now know why and I think it is really beautiful.
Evidently you two were... just one thing."

"It is right, Luca, it is really so."

"Yes. Leo told me about you only when I told him that you are exactly
the same as Matteo. He told me only because he well knows I can keep a
secret but I had to tell you how I felt."

"Thank you. Do you know that Matteo told me a lot about you? He really
liked you, as a student."

"When you came into our classroom the first time, I got the impression
you... recognized me. But as I was sure I had never met you before, I
though I was plain wrong. On the contrary... it was so, wasn't it? You
recognized me because Matteo talked about me with you, am I right?"

"You are very sensitive, I see. Yes, you are right."

"Are you upset I'm talking to you about Matteo"?

"Not at all. I would talk about him all the time..."

"Yes, I understand. The break is almost over, I've to go back. I am
happy you got Matteo's place. Thank you."

I felt the impulse to embrace him to thank him for what he came to say
to me. That boy is really sweet, sensitive and good hearted. His words
lifted my spirits much more than he can imagine.

Just after Matteo's death, Leo and Tony told me about my lover's legacy.
I was already thinking that I might had to leave that apartment where I
got to know such happiness, and instead... Matteo had foreseen
everything.

My friends continue to be near me. They force me to go out with them in
order to distract me. They are lovable. Silvio and Mario attended the
funerals as well and for the first time after a long time they met
again. It seems that Silvio is trying to be with Mario again. Who knows
if their reconciliation is due to my Matteo? He believed in a life
beyond life, and that dead people never desert people they love.

Yes, I have overcome the shock of Matteo's death. But I still feel a
huge void in me, an emptiness that seems to lessen only when I am with
one of my classes.

Sefano called me several times after the funeral. He says he wants me to
spend next Summer with him and Kurt. I may possibly accept. He says that
the situation up there is becoming odd. The more he tries to keep his
distance with Karl, the more Karl seems to try to be closer to him. Poor
Stefano, what a mess. I don't know what to advise him to do.

Leo got his university degree and found a very good job. He now earns a
good salary. Tony is selling a lot of his works well and they are
starting to have a more comfortable life.

Daniele and his partner opened a bookshop and it seems that they are
getting off the ground. When they shut their shop, they often come to
see me bringing some food, so that we can have supper together. They are
a good company, very likeable. In their shop they have a section with
gay books, so at times they bring me something new to read. Daniele says
I should get to discos with them. He says it is time I meet somebody and
that I do new friendships. In other words he says it's time I started
having sex again.

I told him, "Not even five months have elapsed. Give me some more time.
I too know that there is no sense in me keeping myself bottled up for
the rest of my life. I too know that sooner or later I will feel the
need to be in the arms of somebody again, but just give me some more
time."

"We are afraid you might withdraw into yourself..."

"No, there isn't such a danger. I don't think that Matteo would want me
to do that. For the moment I still don't feel that need. Certainly, my
bed is empty, and I feel it terribly empty, but what I miss is not a
male, it is Matteo. When the right moment comes, I think I will find the
right person, but, believe me, this isn't the right moment."

"When you meet such a person, you will not be cheating on Matteo, just
remember it."

"I know, I will not cheat on Matteo, it's impossible. If some day I meet
someone I can love and who loves me, it will be something different from
what was between Matteo and me. Neither better nor worst, just
different. This is why my love for Matteo will remain unchanged. I can
never think of looking for another Matteo, I would be senseless. What's
more, it wouldn't be fair on the person I might eventually find. Well,
what do you think? Am I or am I not a wise guy?" I concluded trying to
make a joke of myself.

"Yes, Marco, you are really wise."

So, life goes on.

I anyway miss Matteo terribly, even though I know he remains near me,
even though I often speak to him inside my heart.

The first few nights the bed retained his scent. Now it's losing it at
each change of the linen, each time I open the windows. The apartment is
gradually losing the traces of his presence. It is natural and it is
right. It wouldn't be right to make of it a kind of museum. Matteo is
inside my heart, and there his presence doesn't grow weaker, never
disappears.

But I miss Matteo terribly.

Terribly.

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Luca

I let go of Domenico, because he was trying to convince me to do porno
movies. I let go of Mario because, regardless of his beauty, was boring
in bed, he hasn't an ounce of romance. Renzo let me go because he fell
for another guy. I'm just sorry that I can't meet his brother Lino
anymore when he comes home on leave.

Then for three moths, I had sex with Carlo, a gay mate of mine in 3B,
but then I stopped because he has little sadistic tendencies. Not really
sadomasochistic, but while we have sex he gave me pinches and bites that
leaved marks. Apart from that I liked him. For a while I tried to make
to make him stop it, but I got fed up and told him to go fuck himself.

I was admitted at the fist course of senior high school, section F.
Decent teachers, but there is one that I don't like at all and another
one that is a hunk. The one I don't like is our PE Prof., who in my
opinion is gay, judging from how he touches and looks at us, even though
he always speaks of cunts trying to fool us. One day the turd stopped me
and talk with me after the lesson, so that I was the last one to go to
the locker room. Then came in behind me and stood there looking at me
while I was changing. The way he looked at me annoyed me, so I just told
him.

Then he, with a fucking little smile, said, "How come? Don't you like
the way I'm looking at you? You are gay, aren't you? You shouldn't have
a problem with that should you?"

"I love undressing in front of a guy I like, not in front of you. So
what, you like young boys?" I asked him resolutely.

He lost his idiot smile and went out in a hurry.

The hunk teacher is our literature Prof. He is thirty-two and his name
is Matteo Cordero. Besides being beautiful, (having a soft brown hair
crop, clear blue eyes, a straight nose, tall like me, and a well
proportioned body), it is extraordinary how he explains things, and how
he treats us.

One day one of my class mates abused me by calling me faggot. The Prof.
demanded he apologize to me, saying that nobody has the right to be
disrespectful or to despise me because of my sexuality. Notwithstanding
this episode about my personality, he's a guy that can really listen to
you, who always helps you. In short, he's a Prof you can feel is always
on your side. He's not at all a weak-kneed guy. He demands we study, to
do all our homework; and when he says "That's enough, now", we have to
become silent immediately. He knows how to laugh and jest with us, he
knows the music and the groups we love, and when he explains literature
to us he does it in a manner that makes us feel as if it is better than
the last great movie that we saw. I'm not kidding.

As I said, he is also beautiful, and this does no harm. Half of the
girls in my class drool over him. Well, I drool over him too. If I could
have such a man, I would be as pleased as Punch.

Our fabulous teacher, at the beginning of March, was struck by a car. He
was killed outright. When the dean came to tell us, we all felt like
shit! We couldn't believe it, and some of us cried. We all wanted to go
to his funeral, but she told us that it had already taken place.

Then came the substitute. A really young Prof, just twenty-four years
old, and rather handsome. An athletic guy, a little taller than me,
brown waved hair with a rebel wisp, green eyes... in short, a hunk.

As he came in our classroom he sat at the desk and said, so very
seriously, "I am you literature teacher up to the end of the school
year. My name is Marco Olivero. To get to know you I will read the
role-call. Please stand up when I call your name."

While he was calling the roll, he looked around at us and I got the
feeling that he looked at me in a special way, as if he already knew me,
but I was sure I never saw him before. I would have remembered meeting
such a hunk. Yet, just before calling "Luca Musumeci" he was already
looking at me as if he really knew that it was me. But then I didn't
think about that any more, as he didn't act any differently with me than
with my mates.

The surprises with Prof. Olivero weren't over. He started the lesson
exactly where Prof Cordero had finished, and in exactly in the same
manner. This was not just my impression, but that of my class mates. The
mates of the other two classes said the same. As a mate of the third
class said "If I didn't see it with my own eyes that he is another Prof,
if I didn't hear with my ears that his voice is different, I would swear
that it is still Matteo teaching us".

Furthermore, it seemed he had read all the composition we did in the
first term, because when he corrected our first composition he came out
with sentences like "Ah, your usual mistake, be more careful". Or " In a
previous composition you supported a different idea". Or just a "Your
syntax is improving, very good"!

One day while talking with Leo, I told him about all of my feelings, as
I was really struck and puzzled, and as I was not able to explain it.

Leo laughed, then said, "I know you well enough to know that if I
confide something to you, that you will absolutely not repeat it to
anyone, am I right"?

"If you ask me not to tell, I would absolutely not tell."

"I knew Matteo very well, not only because he has been my teacher, but
also because later we became close friends. I also know very well Marco,
because we were classmates and we are still close friends. You see,
Luca, Matteo and Marco were lovers. They lived together for more than
four years. They were already in love when they were teacher and
student, but they never told it to each other. Only when Marco enrolled
in University did they tell each other and they became lovers. Marco
helped Matteo to revise his student's home works and to prepare the
lessons. As well as Matteo helped Marco in his studies and to prepare
for his exams. They always did everything together. This is why in a
sense Marco really knows you quite well, and as you said, he went on
where Matteo left off."

We talked for a long time about Matteo and Marco. I was fascinated by
what Leo was telling me, and was starting to see everything from a
different light, and started feeling a very strong liking for Marco.

In spite of my promise to Leo, I felt that of course I would tell
nobody, but I had to tell Marco. So one day while during the lessons
break I saw Marco alone in the Teachers room, I went in and asked him if
I could talk with him. And I told him I knew about him and Matteo. I was
not sure I was doing right, but I felt I wanted to be honest to with
him.

Marco listened then told me that Matteo had often talked about me. This
pleased me a lot. For a moment Marco opened me his heart to me. In a few
words he made me understand how much love bound them. I felt moved. We
talked only for a few minutes, but I now see Marco under a new light,
totally different. I feel more and more fascinated by Marco. I don't
mean only physically, but by his personality. Now that I know he is gay,
I feel a lot closer to him.

I already admired him, but now I admire him even more. I mean, I'm
starting to think that I would like to become like him, to be able to
love like him. Up to now I had just sexual indulgences, fuck sessions.
Will I ever find somebody to love, and to be loved in return like Matteo
and Marco loved each other? It would be great.

I would like to talk longer with Marco, open my heart to him, asking his
advice, discuss things with him, but I don't want to seem to isolate my
self from the rest of the class or to seem to gain advantage as I know
Marco would never accept the situation. Just as Matteo did, he treats us
all the same. It's fair this way. After all I'm lucky I can open my
heart to Leo. Now that I know that Leo was close to Matteo and Marco, I
feel I can open my heart to him even more than before.

Marco got this temporary teaching post only up to the end of the school
year. Who knows if next year he will be given this teaching post or if
we would get another teacher? I hope Marco can again be our teacher, and
this hope is not just mine but also of all his three classes. It doesn't
depend just on us. Leo explained to me that it is a problem of listings
at the regional education office. He said that Marco has a good score
and yet there is just one possibility in forty he can be confirmed.
Unhappily it is really low odds. I asked Leo if it would be useful that
his three classes go to talk with the Dean and with the education
office. Leo said that possibly it would be useless, but that anyway it
wouldn't do any harm to anybody. But he also told me that, as our Dean
knows that Marco is gay, it would be better I wouldn't be part of the
delegation and that I shouldn't get mixed up in the delegation. I'm
afraid he's right.

So, I put a proposal to my mates to see if we can do something. Even
though we have little chances to succeed, we can try. My class mates
agreed at once so we went to talk with the mates of the second and third
class. We decided to form a delegation composed of two students per
class, a boy and a girl, who gathered all our signatures and also those
of our parents (as usual my brother signed for me) on two letters. Then
the delegation went to give one to the Dean and the other to the local
director of education. As we expected, the answer was "It doesn't depend
on us, but only by the scores list".

A few days ago I thought that Marco met Matteo when he was the same age
as me. Matteo was twenty-four as Marco is now.

What an odd coincidence.

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CONTINUES IN CHAPTER 14

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In my home page I've put some more of my stories. If someone wants to
read them, the URL is

http://andrejkoymasky.com

If you want to send me feed-back, or desire to help revising my English
translations, so that I can put on-line more of my  stories in English
please e-mail at

andrej@andrejkoymasky.com

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