Date: Fri, 4 Apr 2008 14:04:03 +0200
From: A.K. <andrej@andrejkoymasky.com>
Subject: The Life Wheel 15/15 (High School)

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THE LIFE WHEEL
by Andrej Koymasky (C) 2008
written on October 1, 1991
translated by the author
English text kindly revised by The Australian

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USUAL DISCLAIMER

"THE LIFE WHEEL" is a gay story, with some parts containing graphic
scenes of sex between males. So, if in your land, religion, family,
opinion and so on this is not good for you, it will be better not to
read this story. But if you really want, or because YOU don't care, or
because you think you really want to read it, please be my welcomed
guest.

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CHAPTER 15 - Luca 5

Marco is our teacher! All my class is happy with that, or rather all
three of Marco's classes. But I am more than happy. I can say that all
the summer long I did nothing but ask myself if we would have him again
with us, if I could see him again. According what he told us, he's got a
good chance of being with us in the third year too!

Seeing him again, not only give me only the pleasure of having a smart
Prof. It gave me another emotion.  I've thought that he's even more
beautiful than I remembered him. Looking at him, hearing his voice, even
lighting up at his smile, gives me pleasure.

I'm aware that I wait for his lessons with anticipation, almost with
anxiety. I like observing him while he explains while walking amongst
our desks, waiting for him to pass near me, and look at me, smile at me.
I like him, or rather even more than like him. I'm fond of him.

In the beginning I was confusing my feelings with admiration, liking as
I said, esteem. The fact that I thought he is handsome seemed to me a
purely objective, aesthetic fact. But then I gradually became aware that
something different, more complex and deep was growing inside me. For
several months I've not been able to give a name to this something.

When I happened meeting Leo at the central Arci-gay, I did nothing but
talking to him about Marco. He just listened and nodded.

There is another fact that at first I've not been able to put in
relation with what was ripening inside me. Already during last summer,
then also in the first months of this year lesson, I didn't any more
look for adventures, I didn't any more accept the proposals of boys or
men trying to drag me. I was not interested in them, I didn't feel the
need for them. And yet, I was not able to interpreter, to understand
this fact.

I was feeling well, I was serene, quiet, merry and that was enough.

All this situation went on up to April, that is exactly when we went on
a school trip to Perugia. We went there in a tourist bus, because of the
hardship of the train connections. During the journey to reach Perugia,
at one point Gigi challenged Marco to put together in the right way the
pieces of one of those wooden interlocking games, one of the puzzles he
always carries with him. Several of us gathered near Marco's seat to see
if he managed and in what time. I was standing in the corridor between
the seats, very close to him. More classmates came and leaned against me
to se better. They so pushed me forward, against Marco's seat.

At a certain point I felt like a warmth exactly at the height of my
trousers fly - I was pressed against the right arm of Marco. As soon as
I became aware of that contact, I got a hard-on and felt that my tool
was pressing against him. Being aware and trying to step back was all
the same, but I couldn't manage doing it fast enough because those on my
back were pushing. Marco looked at me amazed. I felt like dying! I felt
I became red as a tomato, my ears were burning, my heart was beating
like going crazy so that I could hear its noise in my temples like a
bass drum.

When I finally managed to move from there I went to sit on the opposite
row, in the back, where there were two free seats, going near the window
and looking outside to hide my shame.

What is thinking Marco of me? I was asking myself, scared. That I'm an
ill-bred boy, a cheeky boy... a real pig! He will be fucking mad at me.
He said nothing, he pretended nothing happened not to rise a scandal,
but... What can I do now? I have possibly to go and ask him to forgive
me, but who has the guts to do it? I wouldn't even dare looking in his
eyes, go figure if I will be able to utter a word! I can write him a
letter with my apologies? No... It could be better I talk about it with
Leo as soon as we are back and I can ask him to talk for me with
Marco... But what about all these days of the trip? I can try to avoid
him... I can possibly stay in bed and say I feel ill... No, he then
would came to see me, and...

I was feeling ill. I was trembling. I was feeling a huge mess in my
head. And in all that mess, little by little a thought opened his way in
my head, a thought that made me feel even worst. How could I have
spoiled so badly my relation with Marco... with "my" Marco? I would not
stand if he wouldn't look any more at me, if he avoided me. I need his
smile, his liking. His friendship. I need Marco. I... I'm in... LOVE
WITH MARCO!

As I thought these words, I felt like a shock, like a lightning that
leaved me stone dead. I became aware I was in love with Marco exactly in
the same moment I was losing him forever. Tears started to flow down so
to hide them I pretended to be asleep, my head on my crossed arms.

When we got to Perugia, after I settled my things in my room, to avoid
talking with my mates I hurriedly went down to the hotel garden and went
to the most far away corner where was a belvedere on the town landscape.
Inside my head just three sentences were spinning like a toy windmill -
I love him, I've lost him, what can I do? Nothing else.

I was there for a few minutes (it could have been hours or centuries)
when I heard his voice at my back (I didn't even hear him coming, so
much I was lost in the spinning of those three thoughts!)

He said, "So, then, Luca, can we talk about it?"

I turned, my hearth in my mouth, so troubled, and with difficulty but
all in a breath I said, "Forgive me, please. Don't think ill of me, I
didn't want to do it, I swear."

He smiled - he didn't seem mad at me - and said, "You didn't? Then
explain me..."

I then explained him how it happened, how I wouldn't have dome it, how I
wanted to step back before he became aware but hadn't be able to. And I
was looking in his eyes begging him, inside myself, he would believe me.

Without losing his gentle smile, he nodded and told me he believed me.
Got, thank you, I thought.

Then he added, "Explain me - just that contact made you aroused so much?
I didn't think I'm so much... arousing."

Without even reflecting, I then said him, "It is because... because I
like you to die for, Marco."

He, always quietly, then said, "Do you mean that you desired to screw
with me?"

"No, I mean, yes, but... not just to screw... I mean... If I met you
just by chance, I would have tried to drag you..." and I again felt I
was blushing up to the tip of my hair.

He looked at me, nodded again and said, "If we met by chance it could
have been possibly me the one trying to drag you..."

I looked at him bewildered. I was feeling my eyes start out of my head,
all I would have expected from him but he said me such a thing. I
started to stammer.

"Wha... what? Ho... how? Do you sa... say it... se... seriously?"

"Of course, Luca, I'm really serious. But, you see, even thought this is
the truth, I'm sure that between a teacher and one of his students there
should absolutely not be any sex, and neither love..."

I then remembered what Leo told me about Marco and Matteo, so I told
him.

He then said, with a sad smile, "Did you know that also to me happened
with Marco the same thing that happened to you and me this morning in
the bus? Did Leo tell it to you?"

"No... It really happened?"

"Yes, it did. But when Matteo looked at me, I didn't became all red as
you did."

"I felt like dieing, I swear!"

"I understood it. Good. But now I would like to make totally clear what
happened this morning, and afterwards to never again talk about it.
Alright?" he asked.

He then told me that as he felt my hard-on, and saw it was me, at once
he too got a hard-on, because he likes me a lot, both my body and my
character. Then he asked me what made us get that hard-on, as he thought
there were two possibilities - it could just have been we fantasized
having sex with each other because we like each other's body, or else it
could have been the clue that between us was starting something serious.

So, Marco told me, if it was caused by the desire of having sex, as we
cannot, we have to get rid of it and, how they say, to remain good
friends. But if on the contrary it was something serious, we have to
wait until I've got my graduation diploma and, if still that sentiment
is there, we could talk again about it. Anyway at present, until my
final exams, there is nothing to do, in both cases.

I had just understood that mine was not just hope to fuck, but real
love, so I said, "But if it really were love, after my graduation would
you be game trying to have me as your boyfriend?"

He immediately answered, "Of course, Luca, without any doubt."

I felt terribly happy, I felt in the seventh heaven of delight, so I
told him, "I have never been in love before, but I really think that
this time it's love. And just the thought I can become your boyfriend
makes me feel mad with joy."

"Yes, you could be right, who knows. I too believe that inside me
something alike is growing for you."

"So then, at the end of next school year, you and I..."

"It could be, Luca. But do you understand that along all these months
before your graduation we have to not even talk about it? Did you
understand that up to that day I am only your teacher and you one of my
students and nothing else? That if you deserve a bad mark or to be
scolded, I have to do it as I would with any of your mates?"

I was feeling so well! Of course I understood he was right and that
didn't worry me at all.

"Of course, but you will also give me good mark or make me a compliment
when I deserve them, wouldn't you? I mean, not just because it is me,
but because I deserve them, wouldn't you?"

"Right so. But it will not be easy for any of us, can you understand
this?"

"Of course I understand it."

"Doesn't that scare you?"

"No, because I really care a lot about you. I think I will succeed, and
if I don't you put me at my place as I deserve."

"I too could not be able to be at my place. I too am made of blood and
flesh. If it were me to not behave?"

"I then hope to be able to put you at your place. I hope that if we
really love each other we will be able to avoid such dangers and we will
be able to help each other not to fuck up things. But... my god, how
happy I am!"

The trip to Perugia has been wonderful and up to now it hasn't been
difficult to behave as Marco asked me to. This, because I really love
him and I want him to be happy with me, and I don't want to arise
problems to him. Of course, I've to be careful not to stare too much at
him, not to smile to him like an idiot, not to be always close to him...
but I don't want either avoid him out of fear of making mistakes. Inside
me I can feel my love for him grow, grow, grow...

At times, I admit it, I ask myself, "Does he love me, or he just wanted
sex with me? And did he already forget me?" I can't have an answer and I
can't ask him, because doing so I would beak our agreement. But in
Perugia he told me that he felt that there was love also on his side...
Well I cannot do anything but wait and hope.

But then, when I met Leo, I felt I had to tell him everything that
happened in Perugia.

He angelically said, "Marco already told me about it. I was anyway
waiting for such a thing for some time. I got the feeling that between
both of you was starting something beautiful, even before you two became
aware."

Then, with my heart I my mouth, I asked him, "But do you think that
Marco is really in love with me? And that he will still be in love with
me when I finally wouldn't be any more one of his students?"

"When Marco told me about Perugia, he told me he really thinks he was
falling in love with you and that he was happy with that. As I know
Marco very well, I know he doesn't make light of his words. Marco knew
real love with Matteo, then he knows very well what love means. Anyway
you can't but go on hoping. But I prevent you, you cannot come to see me
from time to time to ask me if Marco still loves you or not. I can't
tell you if Marco made me his confidences and what he confided me, do
you understand? It wouldn't be fair towards him. A friend's confidences
have to remain a secret."

"You are right, of course. But I will never again ask you anything about
Marco. I can anyway just tell you what I feel for him or ask you your
advice, can't I?

"Sure. I'm your friend, never forget it."

So, this is what happened a little before the end of last school year
that is in June.

At the beginning of summer vacations, I have not been able to avoid
doing something that... but I don't think it would make him mad at me. I
sent him a postcard at the school, not at his home because I didn't want
to take it as a too personal thing, and on the postcard I just wrote,
"just eleven months to my graduation". I just wanted him to understand
that I hadn't changed my mind.

When the school started again, he generically thanked all of us who sent
him postcards during the vacations. The fact that he said nothing about
my card made me understand that I didn't do wrong... and also that he
therefore thinks of me.

Just three months are now missing to my graduation tests - there very
long months, about ninety days, that is two thousand a hundred and sixty
hours, that is tantamount to an eternity... that will elapse fast.

Wait for me, Marco, my love!

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THE END

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In my home page I've put some more of my stories. If someone wants to
read them, the URL is

http://andrejkoymasky.com

If you want to send me feed-back, or desire to help revising my English
translations, so that I can put on-line more of my  stories in English
please e-mail at

andrej@andrejkoymasky.com

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