Date: Mon, 03 Mar 2008 17:21:57 +0100
From: A.K. <andrej@andrejkoymasky.com>
Subject: The Life Wheel 07/15 (High schhol)

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THE LIFE WHEEL
by Andrej Koymasky (C) 2008
written on October 1, 1991
translated by the author
English text kindly revised by The Australian

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USUAL DISCLAIMER

"THE LIFE WHEEL" is a gay story, with some parts containing graphic
scenes of sex between males. So, if in your land, religion, family,
opinion and so on this is not good for you, it will be better not to
read this story. But if you really want, or because YOU don't care, or
because you think you really want to read it, please be my welcomed
guest.

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CHAPTER 7 - Marco 5

Returning from vacation, I found two postcards in the mailbox from
Matteo. On both of them was written "Thinking of you". Because I wasn't
expecting them, they gave me a deal great pleasure. And... he was
thinking of me! I thought of him all the time, but I didn't write to
him. What was the meaning of those two postcards? It could be that it
was just a sign of kindness, but the other thing I noticed was that he
didn't write a banal "greetings" but "thinking of you". Therefore...

No, I could not disappoint myself, I could not to let my fantasy run on
like this. I could not run after my dreams. I couldn't mistake my
desires with reality. I should not!

I felt the desire to call Matteo. Several times I took the telephone
while my folks was not home, but I never dialled his number. What could
I have said him, besides " I am in love with you!" and I'm certain he
would answer me "It is better that you forget me".

But then, if he really wanted me to forget him, why did he write me,
twice, "thinking of you"?

The days were passing and I was not able to make my mind up. School had
already started, so Matteo was certainly in town. Could I possibly send
him a letter? Write and tell him what?

I went to the University to gather information for the enrolment, to get
the forms, the list of the books, the regulations for the studies
project. We were now in mid-October. After I had been to the University
one day, I spent the afternoon just wandering downtown. I realized I was
crossing the street where Matteo lived. I checked his address in my
pocket diary and went down that street until I was in front of his
house. I debated if I should go in and ring the door bell or not when
somebody came out through the gate holding it open, thinking I had to go
in. So I went in. I went up the staircase checking the names on the
doors until I found the one with "Cordero" on it.

I remained a few moments there, in front of the door, hesitant about
ringing the door-bell or going away. My heart was beating like a drum,
in unison with another drum beating in my temples. I heard somebody
opening the door on that landing, so I finally decided to ring the bell.
After a while the door opened and... Matteo was there, before me, so
very beautiful!

"Am I bothering you?" I asked, my heart in my mouth, but he smiled and
told me to come in, and that he was glad to see me.

He was glad seeing me!

I told him I needed his help to sort out my studies project. He gestured
for me go into the living room, we exchanged some trivialities. We were
both uncomfortable. He offered me a coffee and we went to the kitchen.
There, he told me he was feeling lonely. Was it a message?

To better understand, I asked, "Are you missing your mother?"

"No not any more now. I miss a companion."

I felt deeply moved and didn't know what else I could say. I would have
said, " I'm here, do you want me?" but I wasn't able. We again exchanged
some banalities then at last I dared to ask him, "Don't you receive
visitors here?"

"Some friends... none really important to me."

My head was on fire. "I can become important for you, and I would like
to". I kept saying to myself, and yet I was not able to utter a word so
we both kept silent. Then, trying to find something to talk about, I
asked if he wanted to show me the rest of his flat. When he showed me
his bedroom I felt a thrill and got aroused, and felt like embracing
him, be in his arms, but nothing happened. We both were so tense so I
asked him if we could go again in his living room.

We started to discuss my studies project, the tests plan, then, I don't
remember how it came, we talked about my old class and I asked him if he
met any of my old mates.

"No, once the course is over, the boys quickly forget their teachers."

Then I finally managed to say, "I didn't forget you. I can't. Nothing
changed for me, or, to tell the truth, something has changed. Before I
was able to see you every day, and now I can't any more and I miss you!"

He answered, "I too miss you. I'm numbed not to see you when I enter
your old classroom. That's why I am happy you came here, today."

"Can I then come again?"

"Sure."

"I was afraid that I might have been wrong coming here. You told me it
was better that we didn't meet any more..."

"I have changed my mind. I am no more your teacher, so that problem does
not exist." he said, then put his hand on mine and added, with such
sweetness that I felt faint. "Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"

"I... I don't know. I... I'm afraid I might be wrong. I have misjudged
you on other occasions. You for sure remember it..."

"I love you, Marco!"

BANG!!!

Like a rush to my temples, the blood running in my veins went crazy, my
eyes seemed to glaze over and my body trembled as if I had a fever.

Barely able to utter any words, I finally managed to say, "I too love
you! I wanted to tell you since I rang your doorbell but, like a moron,
I didn't dare. I thought of you all Summer long and when you wrote to me
saying you were thinking of me, and... and I love you, Matteo, and I
need your love and to love you! What keeps us apart now?"

"Nothing. Nothing keeps us apart."

"Possibly my age? Do you think I'm too young for you?"

"No. They are only eight years separating us."

"And being together, they will seem less and less, wouldn't they?"

He nodded yes, stood up and embraced me. I didn't feel ashamed. He could
feel how much I desired him. I was beyond happy. We kissed and I got a
hard-on and felt him getting aroused. I was overcome with great desire
and I wanted him to feel that I had become hard too. I wanted to feel
his hard-on. This was all too wonderful, incredible and I was in his
tight embrace...

I said, "I was afraid this would never happen, that this moment could
never come."

He sweetly said, "You suffered because of me, didn't you?"

"It doesn't matter. It is over, now, and the suffering was worth it if
it makes you understand that I was not infatuated with you, but I really
love you."

He didn't answer me, he just guided me to his bed. I wasn't able to
understand a thing other than the fact that I was feeling happy,
exhilarated. I found myself naked on his bed, but how, I really don't
know how. Naked with him, making love. It was so wonderful, incredible,
and was something so different from all the sex I had until that day. It
really was making love.

Afterwards I told him so, and also told him that now, finally, all my
body was starting to get to know his body and that my body would never
again be apart from him. He told me that now we will never ever apart,
even if we were separated for a while.

We made love, and it was so beautiful that I felt as if time had ceased.
Yet, when we dressed, it seemed as if just a few seconds had elapsed.
What an odd feeling. When I said him goodbye, at the door, it was so
difficult to leave him.

"When may I come again? Tomorrow afternoon"?

"Sure. I'll count the hours."

"Hours and minutes. I'm afraid that tomorrow morning at school I will be
at less than my best while teaching, because I will do nothing but think
of you."

That evening around ten I couldn't resist any more, so I called him. I
needed to hear his voice again. My folks were around, so I had to be
careful, but I managed to tell him that I love him and that I was
already missing him.

The day after I went his place and at once started to make love, after
we left our clothes in a trail from the door to the corridor, to his
bed. I can't say I lack experience in the field of sex, but yet, making
love with him, seemed to me something absolutely new and wonderful. It
was as if I was making a discovery. As if he was saying to me, "Thank
you for your love - Here is mine too!"

After we made love, I looked at him and noticed that he had a really
beautiful body, all of it beautiful. It was just a sheer joy to look at
it.

We talked for a long time, telling each other a thousand things while
caressing each other. I went on admiring and savouring his nudity. I
felt it was a gift he was giving me.

He then said, "Yesterday evening you said about the two us, that you
wanted to surprise to Leo and Tony. What do you have in mind?"

"If you agree, why not invite them here one afternoon or an evening,
while I am here, so we can tell them about our love?"

"Sure. What do you think about inviting them here for supper?"

"Yes. But when you invite them, don't tell them I will be here."

"Alright. Do you have their telephone number? I will try to call them
now."

So he invited them and set the date for three days later. I told my folk
I was going downtown, and would not be back home for the supper, as I
was going to a pizzeria with some friends. On the afternoon of the
appointed day, I helped Matteo to fix the meal and help dress the table.
We also took a break, to make love, but at seven o'clock everything was
ready. They came, and as they entered, they saw me.

Leo said, "Oh, Matteo, I'm really glad you invited also Marco. How are
you Marco? What are you doing now?"

Matteo offered us all a welcoming drink, as we had agreed, said, "I am
really happy to finally meet you Tony. I want to propose a toast in
honour of Leo and Tony, wishing that they may always remain together..."

"Thank you, Matteo, that's really nice of you..." Leo started saying.

But Matteo interrupted him, "Yes, but on a condition. You and Tony have
to toast something that is close to my hearty.

"Of course, willingly. What's the matter?"

"I would like you to toast Marco and me, so that we too can always be
happy together."

Leo almost dropped the glass. He started stammering and while he was
talking Matteo and I embraced and kissed. Leo became radiant.

"You means... that is... you and... you means that you too... that you
two... Oh, my god, the world is falling apart!" His excitement knew no
bounds and he literally started to jump and dance.

Leo was as excited about the news as Tony and said, "But now you have to
tell me everything! This it's so incredible... so incredible... can this
really be true! It's fantastic!"

We told them everything, in every detail. Leo and Tony, side by side and
half embracing, were listening to us while we too embraced. When we
ended telling them everything, we just talked about our love story. They
wanted to know everything and were so happy for Matteo and me. Their joy
was like a precious gift.

Leo was amazed because he always thought Matteo was straight.

"Having observed you for three years, discussing matters of importance
with you, watching you all this time and never even suspecting! I can
and do understand about my other mates, we three and yet, as Marco
rightly pointed out, even though you never came out to us, it's true
that you did not even hide it. Even when you were advocating gay rights,
you didn't seem concerned in the least, it was more as if you were
stating universal justice principles... you have been smart."

"No, Leo, Tony said. I don't think it was question of being smart. This
is the first time I've meet Matteo, but it's as if I already knew him.
You have talked so much about him. You see, if a gay person supports the
gay cause only because it's of concern to him, that is on principle,
nobody will really listen to him. But if his advocacy is held on
universal principles and with some formal aloofness, his words have
greater weight. I mean, if I am a black man and advocate the rights of
black men as a priority, almost nobody, besides black men, will agree
with him. But if it is a white man advocates the black cause, the whites
will listen to him."

"But Matteo is Black". Leo said, laughing.

"Sure, but as he can pass for a white man, what would have been the
sense of telling everybody he was a black man. They would not have
listened". Tony insisted.

"Sorry, but as the Negro in cause is me, I'll try to explain. I never
decided to hide my homosexuality. I have always thought that it was
something pertaining to my private life and not concerning the others.
What I'm trying to say is that, for instance, if one loves having sex in
a bathtub, he doesn't need to tell everybody. He just does it. It is
only his business. Of course, if he hears somebody say that whoever has
sex in a bathtub is a pervert, he reacts. If he sees that somebody is
trying to discriminated or persecuted against those that do likes doing
it in a tub, he assumes a defensives position. If a law is made against
those that do it in a tub, he fights to have that law changed."

"But in acting like that, wouldn't it be like declaring that he is one
of those having sex in a tub?"

"The others can think so, why not. One time I was asked if I defended
gay people just because I was gay too"?

"And then?" Tony asked.

"I told him that we were not discussing my sexuality. I told him that I
might or not be gay and couldn't understand the reason for his question.
Was he implying that only Jews have the right to defend other Jews or
that only black people can defend other black people or if only those
who already divorced can talk in favour of divorce?

I continued with my argument by asking him "You advocate abortion don't
you! Does it make any sense to you if I asked you how many times you had
an abortion? Everybody laughed, as that colleague was evidently a man.
It suddenly dawned on him that asking me that question had nothing to do
with the argument."

I said, "When I met Matteo at the gay disco, I promised him I would not
tell anyone, but he told me I could do so if I thought something better
would come of it. He didn't ask me to keep it a secret. I think that for
we three, as we were just students, it was easier to make our choices
and let it be known, but for a teacher, in our society and in these
times, it would become a hell. You have just to read the newspaper. Do
you remember that nursery school teacher who lost his job, don't you?
The children parents didn't want him, they said they would never entrust
their children to a child molester, even though he was just gay, not a
child molester."

"But we have to fight against such kind of things!" Leo protested.

"There is certainly many fights to be fought, I agree," Matteo said,
"and I have always fought. I didn't have any problem, for instance, in
defending Stefano when I met his parents, or defending you three on
occasions during the teachers meetings."

"We didn't know that. You defended Stefano's against his folks?"

"Yes, even though I'm afraid it has been of little use. His mother, on
her first visit, when you still were in the first class, told me
something like "With the misfortune of having a son like mine". I asked
her if she loved him so little that she was unable to accept him as he
is. I told her. " I can't understand you, Madam. Society has given him
plenty of problems and you, instead of helping him, are just making more
problems for him. Is Stefano harming anyone? A dishonest, a hypocritical
or selfish son can be a misfortune, but the loss of love is indeed a
misfortune". I don't think I could persuade her, unhappily, but I did my
best. It is difficult enough to educate you boys, but how much more
difficult it is trying to educate your parents!"

I was listening to Matteo and was happy to gradually discover his
personality, learn to know him better, and I was pleased to see Leo and
Tony absorb each of his words and nod in agreement with what he was
saying.

It has been a wonderful evening.

Little by little I got to meet Matteo's friends and he in turn, mine. We
were meeting every day. As my lesson at the faculty began, so did my
visits become more frequent at Matteo's place to study so I could
discuss the subjects I was studying and also use his extensive library
to deepen my knowledge. At first I told my folks I was going to study
with my University mates' home. But then I gradually started to tell
them I was meeting Matteo. They were happy that he was helping me in my
studies.

I was torn. On one hand I would have liked to have told my folk about my
real relationship with Matteo, but on the other hand I somewhat feared
their reaction, mainly against Matteo.

I sat three tests and got two 30/30 marks and a 30/30 and honours,
mainly thanks to his advice and the discussions I had with him. Dad was
really proud of me and Matteo was no less pleased. I was happy, not so
much for the good marks but because I felt that each of my successes was
a kind of present I was giving Matteo.

More than that, anyway, what pleases me more is the marvellous
relationship with Matteo. I can feel we are building something sound,
beautiful and valuable. Also Leo perceives that, he told me. He says it
is really good seeing us together. I'm feeling happy!

The only one thing I miss is that I would like living with him and not
having to come and go each day, but if I went to live with him, I would
need to find a job or else to be kept by him. If I found a job, I would
have less time to study and I would get lower grades at the University.
Being kept by him would make me feel that I'm exploiting him and that
didn't seem fair to me.

Leo says I'm just rising absurd problems, and that I have to simply
discuss and decide with Matteo. But I know that Matteo would be prepared
to sacrifice anything for me. For the time being, I think it's better
going on as it is now.

It is a burden to leave. It is difficult to suffer the nights the nights
without sleeping with him, watching him while he sleeps, not having the
chance to wake him up with a good steaming coffee and a kiss, not being
able to live exclusively for him.

My splendid Matteo!

He often talks with me about his students and at times I help him to
revise their compositions and check their tests. This, besides allowing
me to share his work, is making my understand grow.....about many new
things.

In my free time, I started writing. At times we go together to the
theatre, to a concert, to a movie or to dance together. Some week-ends
we go for a trip in his car. The more things we share, the more we learn
about each other, and grew closer.

I became aware that I was changing all my thinking patterns, mainly
about one point. I was thinking less terms of "I" and more in term of
"us". He does too.

How distant the time seems when I was looking at him from behind my
school desk and was fantasizing about fucking with him, that hunk Prof,
the forbidden and unreachable fruit. How distant is the time when I was
starting to become aware that I was falling for him. Yes, in the
beginning it was just a crush, just an infatuation but then it gradually
grew to became love. Now we are building true love, day after day,
little by little.

I feel that I'm rapidly maturing, thanks to my love for him, and his
love for me.

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CONTINUES IN CHAPTER 8

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In my home page I've put some more of my stories. If someone wants to
read them, the URL is

http://andrejkoymasky.com

If you want to send me feed-back, or desire to help revising my English
translations, so that I can put on-line more of my  stories in English
please e-mail at

andrej@andrejkoymasky.com

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