Date: Wed, 2 Jul 2003 15:15:10 -0700 (PDT) From: Jackie Ray Chan <jackiebluemaryfan@yahoo.com> Subject: Life_chapter2 "LIFE" Part 2 "Realization" "I can't be gay!" I said to myself over and over again, "I don't want to be! Who wants to be?" I practically walked around the entire house asking and questioning myself about my sexuality. "What would my parents think? Oh the hell with them! What would Raymond think? What would Charlie think? Oh damn it! Why did I ever meet him in the first place!" In my frustration I let out a irritated scream. "All right! All right! Calm down!" came a voice from the door. I turned around and saw Raymond there with that "ah-huh?" look of his. "Oh... Sorry, I just have a big problem right now..." I apologized and went up to my room. I closed the door of my room and sulked in bed. I continued to think, think about me, what was going to happen, and what I was going to do. "Oh god! This is my last year in high-school, I don't wanna ruin it just because I think I have feelings for another guy, it's just... illogical, impractical, it's just... oh! Damn it! Aargh!" I almost rippped my bedsheets in irritation. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. I didn't want to answer, but I knew who was there anyway, so, "Come in..." I said in hush voice. "I can see you've got a lot on your mind," Raymond said as he opened the door, "wanna talk about it?" "You'd hate me if I told you!" I said, covering my face with my blanket "Try me..." Raymond snickered, removing the blanket "I'll tell you," I said with a sigh, "but not now, maybe when the time is right..." "Ok, I respect that... I just want you to know that, I'll always be here for you. It doesn't matter to me whatever you did or whoever you'll become, what matters is your my little cousin and I'll always love you..." "Thanks..." I smiled "Goodnight little cuz..." he said kissing me on the forehead and giving me back my blanket. Then he started to make his way out. "Raymond..." I called him "What?" "I... I think I'm gay..." I confessed "Oh, is that all?" he chuckled. "It's not me, is it?" he asked with a worried expression I shook my head and he sighed a sigh of relief. "Good... in that case, it's ok with me! I mean, I have nothing against gay guys, I think they're cool in their own way. Besides, a few of my friends happen to be gay. Sometimes they give me blowjobs and..." "Raymond! eww!" I stopped him from continuing "Sorry! I guess I got carried away. The point is, you don't have to be ashamed of being gay, sure some people may not like the idea but whatever happens, I'll always be at your back." "Thanks, I feel better now..." Raymond smiled and walked out of my room, but just before he closed the door he playfully said, "So nobody in your family is normal after all!" "Ass!" I grunted merrily throwing him a pillow but he already closed the door. I laughed, I didn't know why, I just did. Then I thought of something real special, I decided to write a poem about Charlie, I wasn't sure if I was going to give it, but I wrote in anyway. It took me around midnight to finish it, but I finally did and here it is: It was a special day today Think it was because he passed my way I really didn't think I would feel, This feeling, it's so unreal Can I say I'm in love? I feel I'm in heaven above I don't know why I feel like this Somehow I wish we could kiss His soft lips and that gentle smile Makes my every hectic day worthwhile His voice, his body, his heart, what I adore when we're near or apart I want to tell him how I feel But until I have the guts to, I'll be watching him.... -------------------------------------- There! That's the 2nd part! I know it's kinda short, but I'll make up for it on the 3rd part. Anyway thanks to all of you guys who commented on the 1st part, I hope you critic this one too it's jackiebluemaryfan@yahoo.com. Uhm... sorry I couldn't reply to all of you, but I'll try next time. Let me just say that, this story, is NOT my life story, I just love to be put in the shoes of the characters I create. By the way for those who asked, I'm currently sixteen, from the Philippines and uhm... i get my inspiration from you comments and some really hot guys in class... hehe... So until next time, bye-bye!