Date: Thu, 3 Mar 2016 18:34:38 +0100
From: Field Man
Subject: Light at the end of the tunnel - Chapter 2 : Love bites

Story: Light at the end of the tunnel
Chapter 2 ? Love bites

I was lying on my bed, my red and swollen eyes staring blankly at the
ceiling. The night had fallen already, but my guilt made a point of
preventing me from sleeping. Every time I closed my eyes, flashes of what
happened would invade my vision. The feelings would overwhelm me and tears
would flow again. My tear soaked pillow was concrete proof that no matter
how much I ran, how much I wished, everything happened. I can?t remember
when I found sleep that night, but the town was slowly coming to life as it
happened.

When I woke up, the sun was already high in the sky and the birds had
stopped chirping long ago. I was still exhausted from the emotional drain
of yesterday?s events. If keeping my eyes open was a real struggle; leaving
the comfort of my bed was a terrible ordeal. I still can?t believe what
happened ? what a bunch of assholes! I hope?I hope he escaped
unharmed. ?Unharmed?. Geez, who am I fooling? I hope he got out of this
without ?more than a few bruises?! This mere thought made me cringe. He
definitely got hurt; and it?s all my fault.

But I didn?t really want to go through the whole self-blaming process again
and I figured breathing some fresh air would do me good. I slipped a pair
of boxers on and hopped into some clothes ? dark jeans and a hoodie that
was lying around ? before heading to the front door. I was halfway down the
stairs when I noticed something that puzzled me. There?s?there?s light in
the kitchen? Does that mean?is he back?!

I quickened my pace and hopped toward the light, a smile growing on my face
with every step. It had been so long since the last time he was home! I
hope he?ll recognize me. I mean, of course he will, but I?ve grown up
during the past few months. I had replaced my old haircut by a short messy
one ? my hairdresser said it brings out its dark shade ? and my face had
changed. My traits were as fine as before and I still looked as manly as a
puppy, though... I couldn?t describe how, but I knew I had changed. I
looked a bit more ?grown-up?.

I was almost running now, missing a few steps out of excitement and bracing
myself for the hug of my life. I pushed the door that was half-open and
rushed inside, welcomed by the smiling figure of my ? of my ? of the maid?!
My smile faded instantly, but I did my best to keep my composure.

?Good morning, young man. I was about to wake you up. It?s already 3PM and
you know that your parents don?t like late risers.?

?Hi... Don?t worry? the sun took care of it. I just?I saw light in the
kitchen and thought that maybe my father was home. Is he?? My eyes were
pleading her for a positive answer. Please say yes! Tell me he?s in his
bureau, waiting for me to wake up to give me the loving hug I?m craving
for. But even in my head, it sounded wrong.

?Well?? That was it. The answer I was dreading.

?Don?t bother, I got it. He?s not here. I was a fool to even consider the
idea.? The bit of hope I had left disappeared into thin air and I found
myself grief-stricken again, maybe even more than before this
conversation. I headed back to the front door, but I was stopped midway by
a gentle grasp on my shoulder.

 ?Listen, Lucas. You?re a smart boy, you know that your parents love
you. But they both have very demanding jobs, especially your father. If
they do all of this, it?s to make sure you never need anything. Do you
understand??

?Whatever. I?d prefer to live in a cabin and get to see them on a daily
basis than being wealthy and having to wait for Christmas to spend time
with my dad.? I tried to escape her grip but she wouldn?t let me go.

?Don?t say such things. Your mother assured me she would try to spend time
with you next week-end and your dad promised he would skype with you during
the week.?

?Great, that?s really awesome. I can?t wait. It just made my day!? I gushed
in a sarcastic voice that didn?t have the desired effect. I thought she
would get upset and scold me ? which would give me a good reason to relieve
some of my frustration on her. Instead, she settled for a smile and landed
a motherly kiss on my forehead.

?Don?t be cheeky, young man. Go. I?ll make you some breakfast, if we can
still call it a breakfast at this time of the day. Don?t go too far
though.? She ruffled my hair and pushed me toward the door.

Now? I know it may seem strange for a maid to act in such a way. The truth
is that she?s the one who raised me, who feeds me, who cheers me up when
I?m down, who takes care of me. She?s more of a mother than the one who
gave birth to me. I love my mother, but she?s more like a housemate than a
parental figure; she pays the rent and I get to see her occasionally.

I regretted not putting on socks the moment my bare feet touched the
porch. The shivers and the cold were a good way to keep my mind off the
dark thoughts, but losing my toes to frostbites was not an option. I rushed
to the grass and leant my back against the tree, resting my head on the
damp bark. I closed my eyes and took a slow, long, deep breath. That faint
and indescribable scent, heralding the beginning of winter, drew my
thoughts back in time, back to those precious moments in the dead of winter
when our whole family would gather and spend some time together; to those
afternoons where I?d just cuddle with my dad, snuggled against him under a
thick blanket as my mum prepared us warm chocolate... We?d just watch the
snow fall on Paris through the windows or watch TV together, absorbed in
the Christmas cartoons.

My eyes lost themselves in the grey sky above me. It was rather comforting,
actually. Nothing annoys me more than feeling sad on a sunny day. It would
just ... make me feel even worse, you know? Conversely, dark weather
perfectly matches my thoughts and allows me to wallow shamelessly in my
misery. I?m not a depressive person, but sometimes it just feels good to
let go; to embrace whatever fate has planned for you.

?Lucas, come here, breakfast?s ready.? I was snapped out of my daydream by
Rosa calling me from the window.

?I?m coming, give me one sec.?

I was feeling a bit better, but what happened yesterday was still stuck in
my throat. It was eating me from the inside and I couldn?t wait until
Monday to make up for it ? if he even shows up. Forget that, I will go to
his house this very day and apologize. But ? I don?t have his address. The
hell with that! I?m not going to back down once again! I just have ?

?Hurry, it?s getting cold!? Arrrrgh! Can?t I have a bit of privacy here?!
Though, as the good boy I was?

?Alright, alright, on my way??

She had prepared some scrambled eggs and some of those ready-to-bake
croissants. That wasn?t epic, but I wasn?t really hungry anyway. I was
munching at my breakfast when the idea suddenly struck me. OF COURSE! I
just have to find him on Facebook! Maybe his real name is on there and I?ll
be able to find his address in the phone book. I devoured the rest of my
plate and ran to my room, thanking ?Mum 2? ? as I call her ? with a kiss on
the cheek.

As soon as I got on the computer, I rummaged around in Facebook to find his
profile. Nathan? Hmm, nothing. Nate? Same. Damn ? but wait! He probably
follows our school?s page! After what felt like hours of scrolling down
among hundreds of faces, it became clear that searching his name was
hopeless. I could have browsed hundreds of profiles named Nathan or Nate;
it would have been useless. In fact, he had the most adorable nickname:
?Nay Nay?. It seemed like he wasn?t really active on social media, because
he was at least one year younger on his profile picture. But to be honest,
it made him even cuter! He had a smile that would melt you right away and a
playful spark in his ashen eyes that made him so adorable.

Unfortunately, there wasn?t anything in his information or statuses that
would give me even a remote clue about where he lives. Stalking a bit
further in his profile, it seemed that we had a common friend. Awesome! I
pulled my phone out and dialled his number.

?Hey buddy?

I wasn?t in the mood for the usual banalities and gossips, so I asked the
burning question right away. ?Tell me, do you know this cu? ahem, do you
know this boy from your class? Nathan, I think.? Hehe, that was close!

?Yea, he?s in my French class. Sup with him?? He sounded a bit startled by
my unusual directness.

Damn! I didn?t think this far. I can?t possibly tell him ? I have to think
fast.

?I?ve lent him a game and I?d like to get it back, could you give me his
address??

?Hmm lemme see if I have it?.? Could he hear me fidgeting?! ?Okay, I got
it! He lives at 15 rue Jean Jaures?

?Awesome! Thanks! See you on Monday? I didn?t want to be so abrupt but I
had no time to waste.

Sweet! It?s almost next door; I can be there in 10 minutes if I walk
fast. I can?t really go bare feet, though. And if I have to put socks on, I
might as well replace the rags I?m wearing with something that would make
me a bit more ? ?attractive?. I mean, he called me a cutie, right? Maybe
after I apologize ? he?ll be grateful and maybe we will ? ah, forget
it. I?ll already feel blessed if he accepts my apologies. Hell, if he even
agrees to talk to me after what I did, I?ll be in heaven!

The most difficult was to find a good balance between being ?too? dressed
up and ?not enough? dressed up. I didn?t want to look like I was going to a
wedding; I needed to keep it ?cool?. Upon calm reflection, I decided to
wear my second-best clothes: a pair of light blue, slightly faded, Diesel
jeans ? not the ugly skinny ones ? with a plain black shirt that matched my
inky eyes. I wouldn?t make a great impression if I rang his bell while
shivering and having the sniffles, so I slipped a pearl-grey zip-up hoodie
on. To my surprise, I was pretty satisfied with what I saw in the mirror. I
mean, nobody my age is especially pleased with his looks, but I caught
myself thinking I was kind of ? well, I wouldn?t go as far as using ?hot?,
but at the very least, cute.

The journey to his home was rather quick. At first, I considered using
these 10 minutes to rehearse the speech I would give him, but I was rather
sure that once in front of him, I would find myself babbling
anyway. Instead, I used those precious minutes to relax and enjoy the
townscape that I was still discovering. I missed Paris, its beautiful and
majestic Haussmann buildings, the continuous flow of passers-by, and the
stupefying view on the Eiffel Tower we had from our Penthouse. The suburban
town we landed in a few years ago was not even close to stand
comparison. The buildings were lovely, but looked tiny and not as fancy;
the parks were smaller and less maintained; and the streets were dirtier
and soulless. Don?t get me wrong: this was a beautiful and calm city, but I
was used to Parisian splendour.

The further I walked away from my neighbourhood, the more shady people I
noticed. It took me a few minutes to realize that I was getting closer to
?this? part of the town: you know, the part where no one wants to go,
except rich kids when they need to get drugs.

Fortunately, he lived a couple streets before the demarcation line ? if you
ever wonder what a demarcation line is and where it is in your town, ask a
taxi driver where he doesn?t want to take you. The houses still looked
somewhat decent, yet you could tell time had done its damage and public
services wouldn?t venture into this neighbourhood very often. Neglected for
a few more years, Michael?s house would have fit in perfectly.

In front of his door, nervousness took over my body and I started
fidgeting. What do I do? What do I say?! Shit! You can?t believe how
frightening a bell can seem in those situations. Maybe I should have
rehearsed, after all. But I walked all the way here; I?m not going to
chicken out now, right?! ?right? I finally built up the courage to overcome
my irrational fear and rang the bell.

After a few seconds ? that I spent trying to wipe the sweat off my palms on
the back of my jeans ?, I heard the lock click and the door opened. A gasp
escaped my lips as the outcome of yesterday?s incident became tangible
before my eyes. His upper lip was split and slightly swollen, a dark shade
with hints of crimson was surrounding his left eye, and small bandages were
applied on both his right cheekbone and eyebrow. The mere vision of my
cutie being hurt like this overwhelmed me. I felt my heart shatter as the
poignant reality hit me: it?s even worse than what I expected! I thought he
would get away with a few bruises, but?this? He looked like a freaking
boxer who had just lost a match!

It took all my will not to cry, and even more to resist the urge to take
him into my arms. I wanted so badly to hug him and to nurse his pain
out. Anything that would make him feel better! Yet?the moment was awkward
enough. I?m pretty sure that any gesture of this kind, at best, would have
made him consider me a creep, and probably get my ass kicked. Honestly, I
could tell he wasn?t pleased by my visit. The second he saw me standing on
his porch, his face hardened and his polite smile faded in a blink. His
eyes lost that playful spark I fancied so much; his glare became harsh,
piercing through me with anger I would have never expected.

?What are you doing here?? His tone was cold and sharp. ?Upset that you
didn?t get to take your shot??

?What?! No! I just wanted to apolog??

But before I could even finish my sentence, he gave me a glare full of
contempt and shut the door in my face. My jaw dropped open in profound
amazement. What ? what the hell just happened?! Out of all the scenarios I
had made in my head before coming here, not a single one was even remotely
close to this. I remained still, staring at the door with wide-open eyes. I
tried my best to process what had just taken place, but I couldn?t. I don?t
get it! I?m upset for what they did to him, not because I didn?t join them!
Why would he think otherwise?!

I came here to apologize, and even if it would break my heart, I could live
with the fact that he doesn?t want it. But leaving while he thinks I?m in
any way related to these bullies is not an option. I have to make him
listen to me, and I have to do it today! I rang the bell again and waited
for him to open the door, preparing to slide my foot to prevent him from
closing it again.

And I waited. And I waited. And I waited. After 5 minutes of waiting, I
realized that he would not show up. This painful realization implied
another, a burning one: he hated me. He didn?t even want to talk to me. And
the glare he gave me?it hurt. It really hurt. Seeing this kind of emotion,
this level of disgust, in the eyes of someone you fancy so much is an
experience I would not wish on anyone. It tears your very soul apart, and
leaves you?empty.

I considered ringing again, but it was hopeless. Running home and
sheltering there wasn?t an option either, so I did the only thing that I
could: I sat on the sidewalk, hoping he would get out of his house later
that day. I resumed where I had left off the night before, drowning in
guilt and sadness. I wanted to cry, but my body wouldn?t.



I had probably been sitting there for a couple hours, because the sky was
getting dark and the sun had become a barely noticeable shine through the
concrete jungle that was the western part of the town. The air was getting
colder and colder as the minutes flew by, and the shivers running through
my body intensified. If I had known I was going to stay outside for so
long, I would have picked warmer clothes! A passer-by stared at me as she
walked, and her eyes conveyed so much pity for the freezing boy I was that
I figured it was time to go home. It was hopeless to stay here any longer;
the night was falling already and he probably won?t leave his house
today. I will come back tomorrow and try again. If I?m not bedridden sick
by then.

I turned to give a last hopeful stare at his door; and to my great
surprise, he was standing on his porch! Geez, I might have been really
absorbed in my thoughts not to hear the door open. Fortunately, he hadn?t
noticed me either, too preoccupied with the defective lock and with the
beautiful German shepherd that he was obviously taking for a walk. That?s
my opening! I?m not leaving him a chance to shut me off before I have the
time to talk to him. I snuck up behind him, walking on feathers in an
attempt to be stealthy. A very foolish attempt. I had completely forgotten
about the dog, who growled at me as soon as I approached. Damn.

?Shh, sit.? Nathan said to his dog, who promptly complied. He turned and
looked at me with an annoyed face. ?You again?! Don?t you have anything
else to do? Boys to beat up, puppies to kill? Basically anything that would
get you out of my face??

The lovely boy I met the day before seemed to have vanished, replaced by
this cynical, cold, and awfully sharp-tongued Hyde.

?Come on, please! Don?t think I have anything to do with them. I hate them!
They?re just people I know from school and?? I tried to explain, but he
interrupted me midway.

?Really? Now you?re playing the ?lies card?? I know that this Max is a good
friend of yours, so quit it. Now here?s an idea for you: why don?t you find
someone else to piss off with your babbling??

That suggestion struck me right in the heart and I did my best to suppress
a wince. That?s fine, I can?I can take it. It?s just words, nothing
more. And if I can?t stand myself for what happened yesterday?how can I
expect him to do so?

?He was a good friend of mine until yesterday. Can we please just talk it
out?? I pleaded, staring directly into his eyes.

But they were shooting daggers at me. He turned his back to me and walked
away.

?Fine then, I?ll just follow you until you?re willing to talk.?

I wore my best pouty face and followed him, staying a few steps
behind. I?ve never been comfortable around dogs and given that growl, I
figured it would be wise to keep some distance. We walked for a few minutes
and reached a quiet park. The path by which we arrived would split in two,
going left and right, and eventually join on the other side of the
pond. The park was bathed in an eerie atmosphere. A deafening silence
reigned, only disturbed by a few owls and the noises of the dog exploring
the thickets; the water?s surface reflected the dim light of the moon,
casting broody shadows as the branches of the willow tree were buffeted by
the wind. This is definitely the kind of place into which I would never
venture alone, especially at night when everything is dark. Fortunately,
the moon was full that night and more even than keeping away the darkness,
it was doing a wonderful job on the boy who was walking before me. Every
time he turned his head, the night star would bless me with a mesmerizing
vision, bathing his face in a soothing light, smoothening his every
wound. I wonder how his eyes look right now. The white, natural, light
would most likely enhance their hypnotizing quartz. Unfortunately, he won?t
grant me a single glare.

I couldn?t help but abandon myself to a lustful stare as he leant slightly
forward to unleash his dog. Wow! I noticed the first time I laid my eyes on
him that he had a nice derriere, but the way the fabric of his pants
stretched at this moment revealed to my eyes the most beautiful shapes I
had ever seen. Forget Nicki Minaj, forget Kardashian; his was ten times
better! It was so round and looked so smooth that I seriously considered
giving it a discrete squeeze. Or, you know, getting closer and?hah, I?ll
just enjoy the view.

Once the dog was free to wander around, he stood up and turned around to
face me. Did I complain about the annoyed face he gave me earlier? I take
that back. The way he was staring at me? wow. The anger burning in his eyes
was so tangible that I unconsciously took a step back.

?What the hell is wrong with you? Don?t you get I don?t want to see any of
you EVER AGAIN?! Fuck off!? His voice had risen, and his fists were
clenched menacingly at his side.

The bit of self-control that I had evaporated when I heard those two
words. It echoed in my head and shattered me; my emotional defences gave
way and the tears that had built up since the very second I woke up that
day flowed, leaving a cool trail as they rolled down my cheeks. I locked my
eyes into his, a salty taste in my mouth, hoping that my hurt puppy face
would touch him. However, far from softening him, it seemed to make him
even angrier. He stepped closer, never breaking eye contact. He was only
inches from me now, and I could almost feel his short breath on my
face. The air was thick enough from the rising tension for his dog to
notice it and trot his way back to the feet of his master. Why did I even
come here? I should have stayed home! Deep down, I knew from the beginning
that it was a bad idea.

He was scaring me at this point, and I know I should have left but ? my
feet wouldn?t move. I know I should have broken the contact and looked at
my feet, but I couldn?t. I was still hoping that the sweet boy I knew would
surface, if only I gave him enough time and a sufficient dose of puppy
eyes.

?I said, FUCK OFF!? the words burst out of his mouth as he shoved me hard
enough to make me lose my balance and fall back.

My head hit the ground in a painful thump and a whine escaped my lips the
moment the pain struck me. It felt like my skull had been torn apart! My
vision went blurry and I thought I was going to pass out. The moon in the
sky was nothing but a bright distorted pebble in a dark lake, swinging as
the dizziness took me over. I rubbed my eyes, hoping that it would make it
better, when I heard him yell something that I couldn?t process. I rose on
my free elbow to see what it was about, but as soon as I took my hand off
my eyes, I was shoved back down and a lightning, stinging, pain travelled
my forearm.

?OWWWWWWW! FUCK!!? It made me regain my senses in a blink. My eyes burst
open to a pair of brown and menacing eyes, surrounded by dark fur. I was
facing a beast, only a couple inches from my face, snarling and showing his
now bloody teeth. He had me pinned down with both of his paws, buried in my
chest so painfully that I was left breathless. I raised my forearm and held
it between the dog and my face, the drops of blood dripping from the deep
and stinging punctures soaking my face and clothes. I was too afraid to
move, too afraid to even make a sound, but I couldn?t stay in this
position. He is going to freaking eat me!!

I looked helplessly at Nate, begging him with my eyes to do something,
anything. I wanted him to help me, I needed him to help me; but he looked
as desperate as me. His fists were still trembling, but not from anger; he
seemed stunned and frozen by what had happened before his wide-open
eyes. Realizing how helpless and shocked he was, I built up the courage to
defy the dog and begged him.

?Nathan?please?? I whined.

As soon as the words escaped my lips, he regained his senses and rushed to
me.

?Oh shit!!? He grabbed his dog by the collar with both hands and pulled it
off of me. ?Oh my god dude, are you alright?!?

?Yeah? I think so.?

I laid my head back on the ground and let out a sigh of relief. What the
fuck was that? Did he just?.did he just unleash his dog at me? What a
fucker! I don?t even know why I bothered coming here, he?s just an
asshole. Maybe he *deserved* the beating after all, if that?s how he treats
people! I came here to apologize, and the psycho tries to feed me to his
dog?! Screw him! I tried to get up but accidently leant on my injured
elbow. I winced in pain and fell miserably back down.

?I?m so sorry!? he told me as he held out his hand. ?He probably thought we
were fighting and tried to defend me!?

I pushed his hand away and got up, using my fit arm this time.

?And what exactly is shoving someone to the ground, for you?? I asked,
pressing on the wounds with my other hand and staring at him, looking for a
reaction. But I got none. Not a blink. Not a word. Nothing. ?Yeah?Whatever?
I shook my head and turned away, heading home.

I should have never come here.