Date: Tue, 16 Mar 2004 20:19:44 -0800 (PST)
From: louis dreyfus <lash21_98@yahoo.com>
Subject: Lights, Chapter 1
LIGHTS
By: Louis Archie D. Perez
*This is the first time I wrote anything, fiction or non
fiction, prose or poetry, under my real name. I have
written countless poems under a pen name and one story under
the name Achilles Heinz that could be found in
justinscorner.homestead.com. In truth, this is the second
fiction I have written and I am not very sure yet of the
effectiveness of my writing style. I would heartily
appreciate any criticism or suggestions from the readers on
how best I could further improve my works. Please email any
communication to lash21_98@yahoo.com. Thank you for giving
my works a portion of your time. God Bless!
Note: The stage is a revered place for me. I had and
always will be an actor. And though it is a place that will
eternally be a dwelling of innumerable characters and
personalities that will continue to astound, drive us to
tears, tempt, seduce, be a model, influence, crack us up and
basically entertain; what happens when the curtain falls is
more priceless and enduring than any story it could ever be
setting of. Let me give you a taste of the limelight. A
place where everybody is bathed in.LIGHTS!
Chapter I - "Wake up and smell the flowers Anton."
I could hear the distinctive sound of a spacecraft!
From beneath me, I could feel the anxious squirming of
Isabel as I stopped what I was doing and unconsciously
looked up. I held my breath, not in anticipation of any
alien race to descent upon us but to the inevitable clamor
that I knew was to come.
I could feel Isabel's breast pressed hard against my sweaty
chest. Her warm soft hands mindlessly caressing behind my
neck, as she lied idle on the hard mattress we were on. I
could sense that she was on the verge of cracking up like I
did. But like me, she had complete control of her emotions
- at the moment.
"CUT.what kind of a fucking sound effect is that?" Barked a
gruff voice from somewhere within the darkness of the
audience area. "I wanted a sound of sex not that.unless."
Vincent, the director added, his voice sounding a little
less edged than when he spoke his previous line. "I was
thinking along the lines of a moan."
I could not help giggling at the notion of the sound of sex
being spacey. I could almost imagine how the world would be
with all the clamor and banging extraterrestrial noise
everybody would make.
"That would be the day," I muttered under my breath,
unmindful that my partner had been pushing me to get off her
for quite sometime as our director forgot about us and
focused his attention on the sound engineer. That
completely engrossed me, took my mind off the moment and got
me dreaming of what I wanted to become - just like him, in
complete control; though he was not so just then.
"Anton, get off me!" Isabel's husky anxious voice grumbled
beneath me, the loudness not too soft though she meant it to
be such, forgetting that the theatre's acoustic was state of
the art. "Your prick is jamming into my thighs," she added
in a resounding whisper that attracted the attention of our
irate director.
"And you two imbeciles, what were you doing? I asked you
to fuck not make out like a couple of high school thespians
you are! " Vincent's voice echoed through the gloom of the
lightless audience chamber. "And you call yourselves
actors? Bah!" His insults continued to barrage us though
in reality it could not affect us in any way since he was
constantly feeding us with infinite belittlement that it
sounded second nature to our accustomed ears. We knew we
were good and that made his snide remarks but passing
trivial gossip in our ears.
"Now if you want to make it big in this business just follow
what I say!" we said all together, Isabel and I knowing that
it would be the last line of his reprimand - he says that
every time. We both smiled; Vincent could be so damn
predictable. Not that he was a bad director, in fact he was
one of the best - known throughout the province to give a
neoteric tint to otherwise old or classical scripts. His
problem with his indifference to his cast and production
staff could easily be overlooked once you see the
performances of his stage shows. The truth be known I was
damn lucky to be included in this play, it was not his habit
to employ neophytes in major pieces such as this one. Shall
we say I was at the right moment, at the right time with the
right body! Talk about coincidences and fate.
"Now lets do the scene all over again." Vincent's voice
suddenly sounding matter of factly that we all knew that his
head was cooled once more and that it was back to the
business at hand as usual.
"Act I, Scene 4, The Shadow of a Dream," the stage manager
called out as soon as everybody was set. I was lying on the
cot with only the lower part of my pajamas, holding the prop
journal that I was supposed to be reading for the scene.
Isabel was still at stage left, awaiting her cue for her
entrance.
"Action!"
The dimmed lights slowly brightened as I counted the three
seconds I needed before I was to say my lines. I quickly
lost all thoughts of my own as I was plunged into the world
of my character, Daniel Zimmer, the libidinous rural
teenager. I started reading from the blank journal I was
holding, oblivious to the dozens of eyes that I knew was
looking at me, watching my precise yet realistic movements,
my rehearsed yet fresh performance. I was a natural - that
I was confident of.
"December 5th." I started saying my lines. "I saw him
today! The child. He was strolling before my very eyes like
the angel I envision him to be, his long ebony colored locks
cascading on his shoulders like they had a life of their
own. I saw him, but he did not see me. I'm sure for he
does not even know of my existence! Daniel, when will you
realize my presence?" I paused and looked up, like I was
thinking of the impact of reading somebody else's thoughts,
and the thought was of me. "I did not know Carmen!" I
whispered.
That was Isabel's cue to enter and she did so. I knew even
before she said a word that she was onstage. We have
rehearsed this particular scene countless times that it was
second nature for us to know where everybody was at any
given instance.
"Daniel?" She said her piece. "Now you know that I have
been dreaming of this moment a long time ago. That I have
had fantasies of you and how it would feel to be in your
arms."
"I'm sorry Carmen!" I said rising from the set and casually
folding the revealing prop in my hand. I placed it on the
bed corner like I had been instructed though I was feeling
that it was what was supposed to be and not what I was told
to do. I was no longer Anton Cabrera, high school student;
but a stud, anticipating a new conquest in but a few
seconds.
I tenderly took her hands into mine giving the towel she was
holding unto her body reason to fall to the floor and give
me a full view of her ripe body. One I have seen countless
times in the course of our rehearsals but still I viewed it
like it was the first time I ever laid eyes on such a sight.
She dropped her gaze to the floor, suddenly shying away from
my staring. I knew she was acting it out but she was good,
very good that I easily believed in her modesty.
"I like you, even before, when you thought I never knew you.
And I always wanted to do this." I said, tracing my fingers
lightly on her cheeks before kissing her. She was
motionless at first but then she soon followed my lead. And
we were kissing, like it was the first time though certainly
I could not begin to count the times we have done so.
The next actions were done slowly but precise. Like a
ballet done with accuracy and one false timing could change
what was to follow. This time the musical score came at
exactly the right moment and it was a sound of love and
tenderness and the right amount of lust. Accurately what the
characters would have felt had it been real life.
But I knew from the moment that I held her slim waist above
me, guiding her as I was presumed to enter her that
something was wrong. It was not a lewd act, what we were
doing and except for the one time when I was supposed to
bare all, no privates could be seen by the audience. It was
artistically blocked to tease rather than arouse. But
still, as actors we should have been into the acts itself.
Yet, everytime I can't seem to force myself, to propel my
emotions to cooperate. In reality, I was a bit revolted at
what I was doing. I had been since the start, only I was
trying too hard to keep it - that time I was not good
enough.
"CUT!" Vincent's voice pierced through the scoring.
"Anton, are you GAY?" Like thunder, his question descended
upon me like an accusation of a misdeed. Like I was a
criminal and finally found out. Like a deadly incurable
disease sickened me. Though his voice did not have an edge
nor a tinge of censure, I felt as if I was slapped with
something vile and degrading. I was injured and managed
only to gawk at him and remain silent. The truth hurts when
one least expects it to be thrown at him.
The theatre suddenly became as silent as a sepulcher. I
would not have been surprised if everyone inside could hear
the accelerated beating of my heart, the shallowness of my
breathing, even the littlest sound of my perspiration
cascading down my already drenched body. I knew everybody
was listening and I did not know just how to answer. Shall
I tell him the truth and risk being thrown out of the
production three days before gala - or lie and go on living
a life that is not my own to begin with? I was tired and
suddenly feeling fearful. It did not occur to me that I was
being paranoid. I only felt that I was being ridiculed; I
was brought up to think that way, that what I am was a
mistake. I imagined the snide remarks and the laughter of
those who were listening in. I did not feel anything else
but fear. Doomed.
"Well.I'll be damned!" Vincent finally uttered to nobody in
particular. "I never thought so!" That did it. I answered
his question with my silence and finally it was out. I
could not have contained it longer and I felt sentenced.
All my dreams crashed back at me like a thunderstorm on its
most ferocious. I lost all hopes of being exceptional in
the craft that I longed to belong. On my first production,
I ended my career. I wanted to storm out and walk
aimlessly, silent and detached from all that was happening,
I could think of no way to salvage the effect of my being
different. I knew I was worthless.
"Yes I am!" I declared weakly. I had no will left to deny
what I was. If I was to be ruined at least I wanted to go
down with dignity and truthfulness. "I had been ever since
I joined this production, and if that creates a difference
to the efficiency of the play I thank you for the chance you
have given me," with renewed courage and sense of self worth
I stood up and faced my greatest fear - being rejected. I
prepared myself to make a graceful exit, if that was even
possible at the moment. Suddenly I wanted to face everybody
and be myself for once.
Isabel had discreetly withdrawn from the stage and since the
stage lights were fully directed at me, I could not see
anything else around me. I felt lonely and severed from
everybody else. I knew I had to face everything alone but
the isolation was beginning to strangle me. I was strangely
feeling claustrophobic in the cavernous theatre.
"And what gave you the idea that it matters to me?" I heard
the director say. "What matters is that it gets in the way
of your character!" I did not believe that I heard him
right. I was stupefied once more, I had been preparing
myself for the worst and it seemed that I had been thinking
wrong. I could not believe my ears much less accept the
implication of what Vincent was telling me.
"What?" I lamely asked, suddenly unsure of everything that
has been happening. Suddenly shy that I reacted the way I
had been acting. Shameful that I was being too presumptive.
"Look Anton, the stage does not really care what your
preference is, nor does it have any command in your private
life. What it requires of you is that for you not to be
yourself when onstage. That is where you were mistaken."
Vincent was suddenly sounding like an ally and not a foe,
which I thought he was a few moments before. "You brought
your baggage with you when you should have gone in as empty
as you can. It affected your effectiveness. And for your
information more than half of this theatre at this moment is
just like you - different!"
I felt all my hopes and dreams jolting me with happiness. I
could not contain the elation that I felt at that instance
that I wanted so much to shout with joy and jump up like I
was about to fly. I lost all fears, all gloom, all shame
that I have been feeling. Instead I smiled and plastered
the grin on my face for all to see. I was out, I was proud.
The rehearsal commenced soon after that. And though it was
hard to detach the feeling of distaste I had at first I soon
got around it. I did not relish the fact that I had to do
what I needed to do but when I thought about it, it was not
I but Daniel Zimmer - I am Anton Cabrera.
I was more effective after that. With Vincent's and
Isabel's help, I was able to disassociate my feelings from
that of Daniel. Scene after scene I began to realize that I
had been pushing myself too hard in the wrong direction, one
I was pursuing for all my 18 years of existence.
Rehearsals became a breeze. I enjoyed every second of the
experience that day, even the insults that Vincent continued
to throw at everybody lost the tiniest edge that was there
earlier. It was soon over before I even knew it. With
everybody I passed by backstage, treating me just like
before with no trace of condemnation or indifference I
entered my dressing room and sat down. Ecstatic with my
newfound freedom and belongingness.
Chapter II - "Bask in the sun, its your time to shine."
I just sat there and looked at myself in front of the mirror
of the dressing room. Alone yet surprisingly full and
unlonely, blissful and content after all that has happened
to me. I felt like a butterfly suddenly out of the thick
annoying cocoon of self-denial. I stared at the reflection
in front of me and tried so hard to look for whatever trace
of change that I could find. Surprisingly, there was none!
I began to wonder why I was feeling so different from what I
have been feeling prior to that day.
I scrutinized my facial features, which was lit up by the
glare of a dozen bright lights that surrounded the mirror,
making my face clear and bright and so vivid that I could
see the microscopic veins that was barely discernible
beneath my translucent skin. I could find no variance
whatsoever - but my eyes, well they were beaming with
openness and glee of being finally free from the bonds they
have been enchained for so long.
I heard a knock. It could have been going on for quite
sometime but I was oblivious to it much was my euphoria on
what has previously transpired. I looked at the door, which
was barely discernible through the bright illumination of
the mirror lights that I had to squint in order to clearly
see it. My mind suddenly working overtime trying to guess
who the person outside my door would be. I came up with
nobody in particular since I did not know what to expect
anymore. Though in my mind's eye, countless faces seemed to
flash in a series of kaleidoscopic images much like
projected pictures of who I wanted it to be. It did not
occur to me that I had to call out for that somebody to
enter; I just continued to stare past my reflection to the
closed door waiting for whomever to come in.
"Anton?" I finally heard the softest whisper outside. It
was a masculine voice yet tender and almost passionate and
at the same time unsure and shy. Though I found it
strangely familiar, I could not tag a name nor a face to the
voice. So I kept my silence and waited. But he did not
call out once more.
The knocking ceased as suddenly and as unexpectedly as it
came. And with that came the sound of footsteps going away,
to the direction of the theatre's exit. Whoever that was,
slipped away from the moment. Perhaps, into oblivion since
I might not be able to have the chance again to discover who
my mysterious caller was. I began to feel a loss for surely
he meant to talk. Maybe about the revelation of my being
what I am. That heightened my anticipation.
I quickly got up and made haste to open the door thinking it
might not be too late to at least catch a glimpse of his
retreating back. To have just the littlest idea of who he
might be. Or if luck had it, to talk to him and find out
what he really wanted.
"Wait!" I called out as I opened the door to a darkened and
empty backstage. I realized that not only was I too late in
discovering who knocked but I have stayed in my dressing
room too long without my knowing it. The stage lights were
already dimmed and all have left. I did not mind really,
and I thought, "Maybe it was just somebody who wanted to
remind me of the time."
I started closing the door to change into my street clothes
before going out when something caught my attention. It was
placed just outside my doorstep, on top of the white
embroidered rug that said "TRUTH" before me. It was red and
green and made my heart leap up with excitement. It was a
single rosebud with a note attached to it by a long piece of
lavender ribbon. Like a neon sign, it was clearly visible
in stark contrast to the foot wipe my mother gave me a few
days back.
With trembling knees I bent down and picked up the lone stem
from the floor. It was fresh! I was sure that it was
picked but moments ago from the flowerbed at the back of the
theatre hall. I could see that he did so hastily since he
might have used whatever vaguely sharp object that came in
handy to cut the stem from the plant. The jagged uneven end
of the flower was evidence.
But of course I did not mind! Just the presence of the bud
alone capped my days' adventure with the best ending fate
could possibly deliver. The only drawback was the fact that
I had no idea who my nocturnal guest was. Though the
mystery of it all sharpened my excitement and glee.
It took me awhile to gather myself and be ready to depart
and go home. My mind filled with a multitude of conflicting
emotions that I felt I did not have the right will at that
moment. Still, the smile that has been on my face for most
of the night continued to be plastered as though it was
fixed there and could not be erased. With the strides of
one that has been to heaven and back, I glided out of my
dressing room and into the darkness of the stage wings and
into the night air.
The night was aglow with the lights of a thousand stars all
afire in the nighttime skies. All looking down at me as if
I was being guided by them and that I am finally within
their care. I felt the luckiest mortal ever to walk that
part of the world. My own piece of paradise, and that
everywhere I will go I will be happy.
A few cars sped past me as I stood beside the highway. They
were like carousels of different colors and their beauty
seemed to entice me to look and just stare at them like they
were a new vision. As if I have seen them for the first
time in all of my life. The lampposts that lined the street
reminded me of the nostalgic street lamps one sees in
romantic movies and it made me feel so in love with
everything around me. I realized that I have been living a
life of pain and pessimism yet now have awakened and that
made everything picturesque. I was seeing everything
through rose-colored glasses.
I looked at the rose bud that I have been holding all those
time since I found it lying defiantly on my doorstep and
wished that somehow I could find somebody to share my
happiness at that moment. Then, everything would be more
perfect than it was already.
"Anton?" A male voice whispered behind me. It came with
the faintest tap on my shoulders. Slowly, without any trace
of neither fear nor apprehension I turned around and looked
straight into the large brown eyes of Christian, a fellow
actor in the company. He was standing just a few feet away
from me, looking intently into my eyes with a smile that
seemed to say the sweetest things, what they were I did not
know.
"Xian? You're still here!" I declared smiling at him. "I
thought I was all alone here, I really did not realize that
it was this late. Got into thinking about.you know.what
happened in there tonight." I told him, hinting on what
transpired as something important to me; I had no reason to
hide any longer and that made everything easier.
"Yeah, I guess so," he said, looking at the rose I was
holding. "Actually, I was waiting for you. Guess you found
what I left by your doorstep! Do you like it? I did not
have time to get you something more.shall we say I wanted to
make an impression but I did not have the luxury of time and
I wanted to be the first among the rest. Oh, am I being too
upfront? I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound pushy or too
brusque about it but.you know."
I looked at him. This time convinced that I was dreaming.
In truth, Christian was one of those people that you can't
help but notice, even in a crowd. He was tall, slim and
bronzed - like he always basked in sunlight, had light
golden brown eyes that mesmerized everybody that looked deep
within them - not that he let just anybody stare, in fact he
was known to be a loner, and lips that were slow moving as
if when he spoke he was making love with each word that he
says. And here he was, in front of me, looking deep into my
eyes with a look of defiance and courage and smiling a smile
that sent thrills of expectations into my soul. I never
thought it possible but I was again speechless and weak in
the knees.
"I never thought that you were gay Anton. I always though
of you to be this hunk who was easy with the ladies, maybe
because you are doing Daniel so well that I managed to be
taken by your portrayal. I never thought of looking
intensely into you personally that I was not prepared to
hear what went on earlier. Like I was uprooted from the
stability that I had built around me. You see, I am and had
been completely attracted to you since I saw you three
months ago." Christian said taking my trembling hands into
his and kneading my palms, lovingly like he wanted to do
more and was afraid to say it just yet. Like a dumb ass I
just looked at him and willed myself of wake up, it was so
surrealistic and dreamlike that I did not have the courage
to believe anymore. I did not want to wake up crying over
the most beautiful thing that I could ever imagine.
"Pinch me!" I barely managed to whisper. I knew I had to
say something otherwise the actor in me would feel slighted
and insulted by it all. An actor that always thought he had
control of his emotions at the snap of anybody's finger.
"What?" With a questioning look, Xian asked me. His
usually clear eyes suddenly smoked with doubt and
uncertainty. How I wanted to just hold his cheeks and touch
his lips and brush away the curls of hair that was covering
his forehead.
"No. Just pinch me I want to wake up!" I whispered though
I never thought he would hear them - but he did. And
slowly, like clay molded by excellent deft fingers, his face
transformed, as he understood what I was saying. His hands,
still holding my own tightened their grip as if afraid to
let me go. His smile, complete and radiant like sunlight
beamed at me as if I was that precious. I felt like a
diamond; clear, priceless and eternal.
"Does this mean yes?" He asked.
"Yes to what?
"To coffee!"
"Did you ask me for coffee?"
"I'm asking you now."
"YES"
"To coffee?"
"And to anything else."
I felt complete! For the first time in my life.
Chapter III - "A whole new perspective.love"
We walked hand in hand. Crossing the street, dodging a
small number of vehicles that passed us by. It was bizarre,
everything that happened within the last minutes and what I
remembered was hazy and unreliable with embedded biases and
forgotten details. The only thing that I could have relayed
completely and truthfully would have been the feeling that I
had fallen deeply during that instance. I was not thinking
straight, yet, was in my most absolute consciousness that I
did not think of the whole but the littlest details were
fixed in my awareness to settle there for memories later on.
My strides were light and my steps slow as if memorizing
each second of the experience. I had no idea of time or
hours or minutes but what passed me by were jewels to be
kept and cherish, something to hang on to when old age comes
knocking a long time hence.
That time, the orchestra that I was hearing was the right
mixture of notes, bars and feeling. A symphony to play on
and on in my subconscious. A song playing for just the two
of us for I was sure that he was hearing it too.
We finally entered a dimly lit cafe. I did not remember
where we passed to get there. But surely, I could have told
you of the blooming pink carnations we passed by, the smile
on Christian's lips when we both tripped on a stone, the
last clinging leaf on a dying tree outside the bookstore a
few streets before. Images, complete and uncensored. But
to tell you of their order, I could never do so just then.
We settled on small canvas covered easy chairs placed around
a circular coffee table. At first all I could do was gawk
at him and memorize each line of his face. His uncommonly
deep dimples set nearer his smile than most dimples I have
seen in my lifetime. His long curling lashes that leant his
features character - almost feminine and beautiful, only on
him it was the most manly sight I could ever have seen.
I still held his hands in mine. Long lean fingers that were
strong and smooth and supple all at the same time. Without
thinking, I got them to touch my lips in what could have
been a kiss. A gesture that made him smile and blush
profusely though it was not that visible considering the
dark color of his skin. But I saw him, was looking at him
intently that it would have been impossible for me not to
see it.
"Are you happy?" he asked in a voice that was suddenly low
and musical to my ears. I had been dreaming of the moment
when somebody asked me those exact same question, never
realizing that it would be that soon.
"I love you" was all I said in answer. It was all that I
could coherently say that very moment. He did not answer
me, instead he looked deeper into my eyes if that was even
possible. I knew that somehow, he was reading my thoughts -
and I let him. All it had there was his name.
"I love you too" he whispered slowly, finally. He savored
each word, each syllable as though it was sacred. And I
believed him. Lost all doubts I might have had before that.
Giving my hand one final grip, he eventually let go.
We ordered coffee from a waiter who was obviously too busy
to notice anything that was happening between us. And when
our orders arrived, we completely forgot about it as it grew
cold and stale in front of us. But not before I memorized
his request of a cappuccino without the cinnamon, I placed
it inside my subconscious for future reference - who knew
when it would come in handy.
We talked. Basically about things that was common between
us - and that is the company where we belong that moment.
We stayed away from more personal matters since we both knew
it will eventually come to that, though at time we tend to
include just portions of our private selves in the
conversation.
"So you've been in your high school's theatre group since
freshman year?" he asked, needlessly toying with the
teaspoon in his cup, the contents of which was untouched.
"Yes, ever since. I have always dreamed of being in a more
professional troupe, that's why I was so afraid that I blew
my chances away today." I answered him, looking deep within
his eyes to know what his emotions would tell me - will he
feel pity, remorse or will he share my feelings with me. "I
was so frightened that Vincent would judge me just because
of what I am!"
I could not read his thoughts. Still, when I think him to
be vulnerable, he surprises me with the amount of control
that he has over his sentiments.
"And just what are you Anton?" he inquired, this time I
could not help myself but blush because of the bluntness of
his approach. I was not offended in anyway but still the
impact of his query left me trembling. "How many times must
I be asked this before I was sure and firm with my
answer.with the truth!" I thought.
"Gay," was all I said.
Surprisingly, that opened him up. And for the first time I
was allowed to see him without the walls that he has erected
around him. I felt that we were one in spirit rather than
in words.
We soon left the cafe. Ignorant to the stares that we were
getting from a handful of milling hookers that lined the
street, we joyously walked the short distance to his
apartment. I knew before hand that he did not live with his
parents; young as he was. I have passed by his rented
dwelling a couple of times. I knew it was his, somebody
pointed it out to me - who, it did not really matter. We
did not talk about going there, it was just the flow of
events that led us to stand, suddenly uncomfortable in front
of his place.
We must have looked stupid, standing there with our heads
hung low, unable to say the first line that would
undoubtedly take us inside his room - to the most intimate
niche of his existence.
"Um, thank you for coffee." I somehow managed to say.
"So are we calling it a night?" he asked, I can see in his
eyes that he did not want it to end right there, right then!
I decided that if there was to be something for us to share
that night it would have to come from me, so I looked him in
the eyes and lovingly took hold of his hands once more.
"Why did you have to say these things to me?" I asked.
"You just don't know how beautiful you look and how I feel
as if I am dreaming right now."
With those words I kissed him. Right there on his doorsteps
without giving him a chance to say no.
How we got into his bedroom I don't recall, but soon I found
myself locked in his embrace. Entangled and unable to stay
away from his affections.
"Ooppss!" he soon said, pushing me away from him, giving us
both a chance to catch out breaths. I laughed at both of
us. The intensity our struggle to control each other's need
to grab and smoother ourselves with more kisses.
I realized that we were on top of his queen-sized bed which
was covered with blue satin sheets, though in our haste and
energy, it managed to fall scattered on the floor. The
pillows covered with a deeper colored blue were strewn all
across the room. All was in chaos, much like the tumultuous
heat that has suddenly assailed me.
"Slowly my love," he whispered. This time his voice
sounded heavier and more syrupy than earlier. His eyes hazy
somehow, like it was clouded with something I cant name.
"I'm sorry! I don't know how!"
"What?" he asked, the surprise and glee mixed in his eyes.
"You mean, this is your first time?"
I did not answer him. I only affirmed his question with my
silence and the barest nod of my head. I was too ashamed to
admit it. I was too excited for him to stop.
"Thank you," he said before I felt his tender loving
fingers stroke my chin and tilting my head as he kissed me.
I could feel his hot unhurried breath on my cheeks, his
moist soft lips caressing my own with the slowness that both
excited me and made me want it more. His hand stroking my
hair while the other held my face tenderly like it was the
most delicate china. I could only respond as much, praying
that I was doing the right thing.
He soon was kissing my neck, my earlobes which felt so damn
good that I had to give out a moan of ecstasy. I did not
know if that was okay and to be safe I just bit my lower lip
as the unfamiliar sensations filled my body with want and an
unusually exquisite ache on my groin.
I felt him opening my shirt buttons, one by one. His deft
fingers sliding inside when it was but half opened,
caressing my heaving chest, tweaking at my nipples. I could
have cried loudly in sweet surrender yet he had his mouth
covering mine with a kiss that was now hungry and harsh.
Equally excited as he was, I just returned his
ministrations, reflecting what he was doing to me.
Though I have had countless fantasies of him, I have not had
the pleasure of seeing him in the raw. I did not have any
idea what to expect though in my mind's eye, I knew it would
be the loveliest sight that I would see in a man. Much as I
did not want to stop at the moment, I just needed to halt
for a time so as to see him, looking at me, waiting; as
slowly, I unbuttoned his shirt and saw for the first time
the body that constantly haunted my nights and day dreams.
"You are so sexy!" he said, gliding the tip of his fingers
on my chest downwards unto my abdomen. I dropped my hands
which were busy with the last button as I arched my back and
sucked in my breath with the intense reaction that my body
was subjected to. I did not realize before then that a
simple action such as that would remit such reaction.
He threw both our shirts on the floor. To lie there with
the strewn bed sheet and comforter that has since been
discarded in our rush. His room looked like an aftermath of
some tornado named after the two of us.
"Do you want me to put off the lights?" he whispered. The
pressure in him, evident in his voice.
"No, I want to see you," I replied as gently I took hold of
his shoulders and guided him to kiss me once more.
"No, my dear. I don't think I can do this now. You are so
vulnerable! I don't want to force you into something that
you are not sure of."
he painfully grunted out, anxious that I would really hinder
what was about to come. I was prepared for him to say such,
but I was not prepared to say no!
"I want this to happen! I know you do too, I can see it in
your eyes!"
Those words of mine gave him the courage he needed. The
assurance, that I wanted really what was inescapable at that
moment.
He grabbed me then. And kissed me with a hunger I never
expected of him, a hunger that mirrors my quest for
affection and acceptance. I was drunk with want and the
vigor that was suddenly in me burst forth with renewed
strength.
We tumbled on the bed. Intertwined like two ropes bound
together with so much force that it would have been
impossible to undo us. Legs around legs, hands and arms
around each other's torsos. We were in a tight embrace that
was the first time I ever felt one with somebody.
The room soon reverberated with our moans and cries of
pleasure. I knew it was right, and the inhibitions that I
was feeling before was soon gone with the lightest touch,
the gentlest kiss, the furious lovemaking.
It was not long before we got around to taking off each
other's pants. The vision of him in his birthday suit
filled me with so much thrill that I just looked at him,
standing before me, the light of his overhead lamp giving
him an aura that was both revealing and angelic. To my eyes
he was just like an angel, flown from heaven to share with
me that instant. I knew I was blessed!
I felt sexy in front of him. The glint in his eyes lent me
the bluntness and the daring to tell him exactly what I
wanted - what I really wanted to say.
"You are so delicious. To me, now, you look like a candy
that I could just eat and swallow. Every drop, every bite
will be such heaven!" how poetic that sounded even in my
ears. But that's how I really felt. Like I could fly just
then.
The wantonness in me made everything unreal. Fantastic and
enchanting, the bliss of the first time.
Words really did not matter then. Not anymore, how can
words compensate for the truth that was there in front of
us. We have each other, we have the night.
We kissed again, the smoothness of our bodies contrasting
with the hardness that was rubbing with each other. Our
embrace was tight and the moment gave us reason to hold our
breaths and hang on to each instant.
He gave me so much pleasure! His tongue and lips doing
wonders that I never even imagined was possible. I tried to
do the same for him but unfortunately, he was so damned good
that it was hard for me to compensate his attention. He was
so experienced and I was a neophyte in that game of love. I
was thinking that I needed to learn so much to be able to
give him my all. I was ready, I was prepared and I was
getting him to teach me.soon!
"I love you,"
"I love you too!"
It did not matter who said which, but that it meant the same
thing.
Spent and content for the moment we dozed off. Still locked
in each other's embrace.
Chapter IV - "Reality is not a dream."
I woke up baffled with my surrounding until I felt a warm
hot tongue sliding into my ears. Then the memories of the
night before all came crashing back into my consciousness.
That made me smile inspite of the tickling wonderful feeling
that suddenly filled me. I was greeted by bliss so early in
the morning.
My hard on suddenly meant different from the other morning
erections I have had. It was because of him. Christian was
beginning to be my aphrodisiac.
I reached down and began stroking my struggling manhood,
taking Xian's hand with the other and guided it to touch me
where it hurt most. He held it tenderly in a tight grip, a
stroke that almost made me cum right then. I was that
sensitive. I was moaning in the sweetest feeling that
assaulted my senses.
I grabbed at his face, burying my mouth into his own, my
tongue delving deeper into his insides that I felt as if we
were glued together. His deft palms fondling me, my hands
fumbling blindly for his equally straining cock. He was
wearing briefs, now tented so much that I knew he was in
pain somehow. An ache that I knew I could pacify.
We were grunting with both our exertions and the anxiousness
to get to the brink of our desires. There was none of the
tenderness that we displayed the night before. It was pure
lust, potent and concentrated! We needed each other for
release.
I was soon licking every inch of his stomach. A part of his
body that I was beginning to be fascinated with, much more
than any other part of him with the exception of his
precious manhood. It was so flat and his abs was strained
and contracting with each touch of my dripping wet tongue. I
did not leave an inch dry with my ministrations. Even the
littlest hairs that grew from his belly button arrowing down
into his pubes were sleek with my saliva.
My hands were holding on to his butt cheeks as I slobbered
and hungrily lapped at him. One of his arms was over his
head, clutching on to the bedpost as he arched his back in
ecstasy. His other hand was grasping at my hair, pushing my
head ever downwards to get to his erection.
With slobbery sounds of my kissing, I delved into his
briefs. Inhaling the strong musky scent that was pushing me
into the brink of unstoppable desire. Sliding one of my
palms on his body from his chest to his stomach. Then,
slowly pushing his underwear downwards until the tip of his
cockhead was visible to me.
"Shit Anton, please don't stop!" he was moaning so loud.
His hand still gripping at my hair that it would have hurt
had we been in another situation, but I did not feel a
thing. In fact, his action seems to be sending me into a
frenzy.
I got my tongue out, and slowly licked at the tip of his
dick. Just enough to cover his pisshole, there, where a bud
of precum rested.
"Ahhhhh!" was all I heard from him, I knew he was straining
to control the pent up emotion that was about to come out of
his mouth.
He pushed his pelvis unto my face, perhaps too excited to
wait for me to do what I was about to. I knew I was doing
so many things that I have only read and seen in Belami
movies that I was enjoying the novelty of everything. Bit
by bit, I took off his briefs, careful not to touch his cock
in the process. I had plans, and it did not include his
cumming before I was prepared to take it all.
>From his ankles, I lightly trailed the tip of my fingers
upwards, running it teasingly through the insides of his
tights. I was giving him so much pleasure that he arched
his back so much. I was enjoying the control I had.
"Ohhhhh Shit!" Xian's voice reverberated throughout the
room which only managed to fuel my need for control.
In front of me, waving like a hard rod of iron was his cock.
I looked at it lovingly, not touching it. I wanted to see
every vein that crisscross the thick pinkish shaft.
Reverently, I gave it a tentative touch. Just a bit! And
without giving him a moments notice I licked at the entire
length, from where his balls met the shaft up unto the
mushroomed cockhead.
"Anttttoooooonn!" was all I heard him say, then muffled
moans as he took hold of a pillow and covered his head.
I never knew what took me then, I completely lost control as
I held his testicles in my hands and took the whole length
of his dick into my mouth. Gagging at first, I soon began
to slow down, taking deep breaths every now and then until I
got the entire 7 inches deep into my throat. I felt so full
and the presence of his cock in my mouth felt so right.
Slowly, I let it out, bit by bit; making the tip of my
tongue pointy as it leaves a path of spit underneath his
dick. I felt as if I had been doing it my whole life though
in reality I was doing it for the first time.
Groaning loudly now, Christian could not help but thrust his
pelvic bone into my face. Fucking my mouth with a passion
that was anything but innocent. We were locked together,
his manhood the key and I was his hole. His loving hole.
"Ah, Shit Anton.Oh Shit.I can't stop..Shit!" I heard his
cries in tempo with the wet slobbering sound of my sucking.
I knew from the way I was using my mouth and my throat that
I was born to suck.
"I'm cumming Anton!" was all I heard before I felt him push
my head away from his unwavering thrusting hips. I wanted
to taste his juices but the idea of seeing his jism erupting
from the tip of his cock was enough to keep my head away and
look at how it would be with him. I wanted to see him cum.
He took hold of his dick and with a frenzy I understood he
stroked his cock in wild abandon. Masturbating in front of
my face, grunting and groaning my name.
His dick was merely inches from my face, looking up, I could
clearly see him; his face contorted in what could only be as
mask of esctasy. I felt good. Gazing up at him, his cock
filling most of my view, I thought that I looked like a slut
then. I smiled, somehow that made me feel good, with
Christian it felt right.