Date: Fri, 25 Feb 2005 15:35:43 -0800 (PST)
From: paul taylor <gaygoddevil@yahoo.com>
Subject: love and denial

WARNING: this story contains homosexual relationships. it does not
contain sexual intercourse. this a sentimental romance story. so if you
either don't want to read about to gay guys falling in love or want to
read about to gay guyz fucking in bed, then you will want to go somewhere
else.

Love and Denial

By Stuart Tempest

 It was just another day at school at first. I went, I got harassed by
fools with the IQ of a carrot's brother, and I talked to my friends
about everything that a gay outcast would talk about with his fellow
outcasts; sex, god, music, and movies. But what wasn't usual was that a
new student arrived today from California.

I didn't see him until my third period class. He looked like a jock. He
had the usual muscle build and cute looks usually used to get the girl
who would put out. The only thing was that he had a brain in that head of
his. This was shown when the teacher asked him to do a math problem on
the board. It was a square root question. He got it right. The teacher
introduced him as Kevin. Another thing that caught my attention was his
hair. He had long black hair that shined like the midnight sky. Incase
you're wondering, no true jock can get a square root question right.
When we went to lunch I noticed that he was also in it with me and my
friends. Another funny thing that happened was that he asked us to let
him come over and eat with us. Since we hardly turned down such a polite
act or anybody that we don't know or don't see as a threat or
annoyance, we allowed him to sit with us.

"Hey, nice necklace. Is it made of stainless steel?" he suddenly said.

"Thank you. Yes it is. Allow me to introduce ourselves. I am Paul, the
boy with the cap is Kris, the girl with the Distured visor on is Kate,
and the boy with the trucker hat is Dave." I replied.

"Hello Kate, Kris, Dave, Paul, and hellllooooooo nurse," Kevin said as
we stared in shock and laughed at the comedic moment of reference to the
Animaniacs, "I am Kevin." It was that moment that we knew that he was
going to click with us easily.

After school I went to smoke at the park. 5 minutes later, I saw Kevin
passing through. "Hey their laddy!" I yelled at him with my cheesy
Scottish accent to get his attention. It worked. He saw me and came over
to sit next to me. My heart was starting to pound harder and harder for
some reason. I don't know why.

"Hi Paul. Mind if I join ya?"

"Huh? Oh, no I don't mind at all man."

As he lit his cigarette, I couldn't help but stare at his face. He had
this square strong jaw that just made his face more memorable. And his
eyes were a soul piercing blue. Why didn't I notice them before?

Oh shit! I remember these feelings. Damn it! I can't believe that I'm
doing it again. Haven't I learned from my past yet? I can't believe
I'm stupid enough to fall in love. Fuck, how can I be such a fool? I
need to leave before he realizes my emotions.

"Say, Kevin, what time is it?"

"It's a quarter till 3. Why?"

"I have to go. My mum is probably wondering why I'm taking so long."

As I grabbed my book bag, he grabbed my arm as asked me "you know, it's
my birthday soon, and I was wondering if you would like to come with me
to a club I heard about from another friend of yours. I know you're 18,
so don't bother trying to say you're not." I couldn't resist and said
"Sure, when are we going?"

"Tomorrow after school. We'll go to my house first so you can meet my
folks. Ok?"

"Ok. But I have to go now. See ya at school."

I ran home and warned my parents of my adventure. All day, all I thought
was how stupid I am. I know he'll just be like the rest. He'll just say
he's not interested for one reason or another. It's always been like
that. "I'm not gay" or "I don't like to fuck fat people" are the
most replies I get. Damn it. Why? Why am I such an idiotic, romance
hungry, never-going-to-lose-his-virginity, pretentious fool?

I turned on my CD player and put on Marilyn Manson's "Last Day on
Earth." I was tempted to bash my head into the wall in beat with the
melancholy chords, but I knew that would be useless. So I just went to
bed and cried myself to sleep.

The next day I was a nervous wreck from the minute I started to pack my
club clothes to the second I step outside to meet Kevin.

"Heeellllloooooooo Paullina!"  Kevin screamed behind me. He has started
to do that for some reason.

"Shit man. You scared me." I replied as I hit his arm.

"You're too easy. Come on, my car's just around the block." He said
as he put his arm around me and guided me to his car.

I was starting to wonder if he was trying to hit on me or something, but
I remembered another crush I had. He was a friend of mine and he wasn't
afraid to touch you a bit. I thought he might like me or something, but
it just turned out that he wasn't. When I admitted I had a thing for him
he became my enemy. I won't bother with the details.

I just hope that the same thing doesn't happen to Kevin and me. I don't
know if I could stand it.

When I got to his house his mom was preparing the dinner. He had a nice
home, a high middle class kind of home. I was starting to relax more and
more.

Kevin and I were playing some video games after dinner when he said,
"Hey, it's time to go." My heart started to jump a bit more. "Come on
Paullina. We're going to be late," He said.

"Where is the club anyway?" I asked. "I had to lie to my parents and
say it was in West Virginia."

"Well guess what, you didn't lie. It is in West Virginia," he
answered.

"Huh, really? How odd," I thought out loud.

We drove down to a quaint little block in a suburban downtown area. But
this whole time, I couldn't shake this odd feeling that I was here
before.

Either way, I was glad to see that I didn't have to walk far from the
car to get to the club entrance. My platform/steel toed shoes would kill
me. I don't know why, but they never hurt when I dance but hurt like
hell when I walk too long in them.

The club was called Vice Versa. It was just warming up with some techno
beats when we got there. It was a slightly small club, but it had plenty
of room for dancing, drinking, and relaxing. I started to notice that
there were mostly guys in there. I just ignored it, just like the feeling
of being here before, which I got even inside the club.

Kevin introduced me to some of his friends. One of them even slipped us a
drink of vodka. (Mmmm, burning heaven. Oops, sorry. I got sidetracked.)

"Thanks Hun," Kevin graciously said.

"Shush, you want to get me in trouble?" Kevin's friend whispered.

"So, how are you enjoying my birthday bash so far?" Kevin asked me.

"It's great, but I just can't shake this feeling that I've been here
before," I answered. "Who exactly told you about this club?"

"Your friend Regina," he said.

Then it all fell into place. I wasn't at just any club. I was at a gay
club. "Oh shit. I hope he knows it's a gay club. No wonder I felt so
comfortable," I though in my own little head.

I wanted to tell him that it was, but then the music stopped and one of
the owners came on the mic.

"Hello ladies and gentlemen, both with and without dicks. Tonight's
show is about to start. I hope you like your men pierced because here he
is fellow owner of Vice Versa and one of the best studs in these parts,
MONTEZ!"

I remember him and I remember the show of his I saw. He was a stripper at
the club. Now Kevin is going to find out what I was about to tell him.
Montez came out in a cop outfit this time, and the funny thing is, Kevin
was cheering for Montez to take off his shirt.

"Woo hoo. Yeah stud, here's a buck for ya," Kevin cheered as he held
out 10 dollars for Montez and stuck it in his tight g-string.

I was starting to think "I wonder if he likes me? Na, he's just like
me. He doesn't have a thing for me," more and more.

Then, I finally made a move. After the show, I asked "Hey Kevin, you
want to dance with me?"

Thankfully, he said "sure man. I was about to ask you the same question
anyway."

Those words made my thoughts turn even more and faster than before. I
took his hand and guided him to the dance floor. The DJ was playing
KISS' "Calling Dr. Love". I was dancing close to him, but not
touching. I tried not to be so obvious, but we just kept on getting
closer. My heart was pounding louder, harder, faster with each beat of
the song and each step we took closer. Our groins were starting to grind
together. When I noticed that I was getting hard I just stopped and ran
to the bathroom and hid in a stall. Just then, the DJ put on Marilyn
Manson's "Minute of Decay".

He came in and asked some of the other people if they had seen me, but he
didn't need to since I was crying.

"Paul? Paul, is that you in there?" Kevin called out to me while
standing in front of the stall I was futilely hiding in.

"Go away Kevin," was all I could say. It wasn't what I wanted to truly
say. I wanted to say sorry, but I was too busy trying to hide.

He told me, "I am not leaving this spot unless you come out with me, and
I do mean it. Kevin must have felt like a parent trying to get an
unreasonably scared child out of the closet. "You're my friend; I'm
not going to hurt you."

"I told u to go away! I'm hideous. I don't deserve u."

"Yes you do. Will you stop blocking me out!? "

"There's nothing to see."

"Bull shit! I know you're a good and honest person."

"You'll just want to kill me."

"Why would I do that?"

"I don't know."

"You're just afraid of a relationship.'

"How could I? I want a relationship."

"Then why are you hiding from me? Damn it, I love you! You idiot!! "

At the sound of those words, I opened the stall door and said,
"Really?"

 "Yes, really. I told you, I love you. I won't hurt you. I can't hurt
you," he said as he gave me a genuine smile.

"Help me. Please help me," I came out of the stall and into my Kevin's
arms crying from all of the emotions that I tried to hide that was
finally released. I felt safe. I felt free.

"Shush, I'm here now. I'll help you."

            At that moment, I heard Marilyn Manson's song "Minute of
Decay" end, and the Grateful Dead's "Sugar Magnolia" started. I
realized then that my pain was over. That I was finally going to know the
pleasure that is love.

The End