Date: Wed, 25 Jun 2003 09:40:01 -0400
From: Ehman Penn <ehman@ehmanpenn.com>
Subject: Matthew Figures It Out - Part 16

This story is a fictional account of the lives, loves and
struggles of teenage boys. Don't read it if there's any
chance that doing so might send you or the author to jail.
This story is also copyrighted by the author and cannot be
altered, reproduced, or hosted without his consent. Please
direct all feedback to: ehman@ehmanpenn.com

*****************************


Matthew Figures It Out - Chapter 16 `Time to Begin Again'


Robert Briggs wouldn't have been very happy with this. It's
quite possible the sight of Chris and Matt holding hands
would have been enough to kill him, saving Jay Henson the
trouble. To Matt, this didn't feel like a funeral and he was
having a hard time feeling sad; remorse was completely out
of the question. After all, it could have been him. If not
for Jay, it WOULD have been him - and then maybe Chris too.
Still the question lingered in his mind: "Was this my
fault?" No matter how he tried to justify it, a man was dead
because of his actions. What if things had ended differently
and it was Chris? Matt couldn't bring himself to even
consider it. Feeling somewhat responsible for the death of
Robert Briggs was something he could live with; to have
Chris's blood on his hands, well, wouldn't have been
survivable.

Chris's face revealed fresh tears wiggling down his cheek.
He was trying to will them to stay inside, but finally some
of those tears were for his dad. Robert Briggs had been his
father just as Peggy Briggs was still his mother. Matt
wondered if Robert Briggs wouldn't still find a way between
them yet. But for now, they squeezed each other's hands
tightly, with less frequent glances at the large steel
casket just a few feet in front of them. Dead, yes - but
forgotten, NEVER!

There were just the four of them in the front pew: Melanie,
Peggy, Chris and Matt. Peggy's eyes had drifted and Matt
detected a confused stare coming from her direction. She had
spotted Matt's hand entwined with Chris's, and she must have
been wondering exactly what she had sobered up to. Chris
couldn't have told his parents before about his love for
Matt. But could he now tell just his mom? Could he tell
Melanie, assuming she even needed to be told?

Then there was school. If the rumors weren't bad enough
before, what would everyone say now? The story of how and
why Robert Briggs met his not-untimely death would add much
new fuel to the fires. Without realizing it, Matt squeezed
Chris's hand extra hard and Chris rotated his head and
looked Matt square in the eyes. The stress of the past few
weeks was clearly visible on Chris's face, but only on the
surface. Behind that clenched jaw and those injured eyes lay
a much deeper strength.

"It's gonna be OK, Matt." Chris gave Matt's hand a firm
squeeze in return. They were back in sync and finally felt
ready to face whatever the world decided to throw at them.

The service was moving outside, and their hands fell away
from each other as they stood and walked back down the same
aisle together. Peggy wrapped an arm around Chris and Matt
fell back a bit to give them some space. He tried to make
eye contact with Melanie but she stayed focused on the
ground, stepping over a stray tree root as they made their
way out to the cemetery. Matt felt a familiar hand take his
own as his mother escorted him the rest of the way to a
fresh hill of red dirt neatly mounded in a far corner of the
lot. Matt and his parents stood directly across from the
tent-covered patch of seats reserved for the family. Chris's
eyes found Matt's and they stayed locked in an
expressionless stare for the remainder of the service.



            ROBERT SAMUEL BRIGGS

            Born: October 15, 1941
           Died: December 13, 1997

    "A Loving Father And Devoted Husband"



They could etch it into stone, but it was still a lie. Matt
thought that some of Robert Briggs' own words should have
been written there instead: "What a waste, what a waste."

The ceremony was coming to a close. A sunny day had turned
grey and a shifting wind from the North easily cut through
the suits and funeral dresses. The pastor ended his speech
with these words, "Robert Briggs is now in a better place."
Matt was in complete agreement there; he was in a "better
place," better for everyone.

***

Just a few miles away from the service, a boy leaned against
an old tree deep within the woods behind his house. His mind
reflected back over a life lived alone, outside the realm of
proper society; no society at all for that matter, just him
and his mom. Jay Henson couldn't very well attend the
funeral. It wasn't considered proper etiquette to show up
for the burial of the man you'd killed. Buried along with
the body of Robert Briggs were the last, futile hopes Jay
had for understanding the man he couldn't call father.

Jay Henson wasn't at the funeral service, but he closed his
eyes and tossed an old family keepsake into the grave from
afar; fear had finally found a suitable resting place of its
own.

Jay had received the unwelcome knowledge of his genealogy
via his mother's frightened words, while he lay in a
hospital bed nearly two years ago. "He'll do it," she said.
"He's that crazy, Jay.. I'm so scared.." her words became
muttered and Jay could feel the vibration of her shaking
hand as it squeezed a death grip on the bedside railing. The
pounding knock Susan Henson answered on her door earlier
that day had revealed a figure she had not seen in more than
fourteen years. On that day many years ago, Robert Briggs
had a warning too. Susan had heeded his warning and kept her
"mouth shut" ever since. The newer warning had been very
similar to the first one, but this time required Jay's
cooperation; he had no such choice the first time around.
His mom hadn't planned on coming so clean with him that day
in the hospital, but the terror she had lived with all these
years had finally found an outlet.

Jay had lived a quiet life up until that fateful day in the
old shack. His mother had become a virtual recluse, working
her factory job at the spinning mill during the day and
coming straight home each afternoon, only venturing outside
her routine for quick runs to gather groceries or other
basic provisions. The small aging home she rented had become
a fortress for her -- and a prison for Jay. There was always
a quiet fear in his mother's eyes and it had a stunting
effect on Jay emotionally, though he wouldn't come to learn
the source of that fear until some time later. During his
fourteenth summer, he developed a budding friendship with
Chris Briggs, unbeknownst to the rest of the Briggs' family
or Chris's circle of friends. The friendship began quite
accidentally as Jay's English collie Shep had made a rather
impromptu re-introduction of the two. Chris had met Jay
before, gone to school with him all these many years, but
like everyone else in these parts, he didn't know him.
Neither boy had been sure why one felt a bond to the other,
but they made easy friends with each other and came to spend
many long days that summer exploring the hills and streams
in the vast wooded areas they called home.

Chris had never had a boy as a close friend. Katie Barnes
was barely past her tomboy days at the time, but still she
hardly had ever qualified as a real boy. Though Chris had
been popular at school with many casual friends, everyone
kept their safe distance from the Briggs' house. Katie had
been the only one brave enough to show up there regularly,
but then young Katie Barnes held little fear of anything in
those earlier days. Chris and Katie had been friends for as
long as either could remember and they might as well have
been siblings, having grown up together much as brother and
sister might have.

This particular summer had followed a spring of drastic
change in Katie. Her body was finally starting to show small
signs of womanhood and her mother became determined to
produce those same changes in Katie's mind and spirit. No
more pony-tails, or t-shirts, or cut-off shorts; long
flowing shiny hair and pretty dresses were now the
requirement. Chris had started to take notice of the changes
in Katie's form, motivated by the development of his own
body. His rituals of self pleasure were starting to feel
inadequate. Katie didn't much care for his advances as she
had never looked at Chris that way. She had no appetite for
sexual exploration with anyone, and she knew why.

***

Just a mile or so across the woods, separated by Deadman's
Creek, another boy had spent a lonely thirteenth summer. His
dogs and horses had kept him company, as usual, but Tommy
Johnson was starting to feel a real despair; something that
the fine company of Mollie and Tucker and Stryker and Sky
simply couldn't relieve. Tommy had been the good son,
providing many fond memories for his mother and father.
Still he wondered: "When will life be for me?" Paralyzed by
shyness, he drifted largely unnoticed amongst the many
"friends" he had known all his life. Really, they weren't
friends at all; instead, they were merely acquaintances by
act of random location.  In his mind, Tommy was beginning to
wonder if he would ever know real friendship. He hadn't even
learned yet how to yearn for anything more than that; in
fact, he wasn't sure what else he wished to yearn for. For
now, friendship seemed unattainable enough; life's other
unattainables would have to wait their turn.

***

A few miles to the west, closer to 3000 miles to be more
exact, yet another boy was feeling much the same as Tommy.
Young Matthew Jordan knew he was different, though he
couldn't articulate why or how. He didn't have the company
of dogs and horses to distract his loneliness. He didn't
have a tomboy girlfriend who lived across the woods; he
didn't even have woods at all. He had only his own strong
spirit to keep him company; a spirit that was starting to
fade. Actually, he did have something more: The love of a
watchful mother. Joanna Jordan kept close watch, for sure.
And she didn't like what she was seeing. Sometimes, we
really do need a change in scenery. Sometimes, we just need
better friends. Always, we need someone to watch out for us.

***

Finally, a fifth boy was spending his thirteenth summer
doing what he had done for many summers before: Adjusting to
a new community as his father's line of work had taken them
to five states in the past seven years. Maybe this time
would be different, he thought, but he didn't really believe
it would be. His home-schooling eased at least part of his
adjustment, but also served to isolate him from other kids
his age. This boy had experienced many curious thoughts, but
those thoughts were starting to take on new power and
meaning as they teamed with a body just beginning to mature.
One thing was certain: His father would never understand.

***

Much had happened in the two years since that summer. Chris
and Jay had gotten too close, and had paid the price exacted
by Robert Briggs. Katie sought the love of someone her
mother would be proud of in the form of Ty Wilson, but fell
prey to manipulation and abandonment, again. Tommy was
mostly minding his own business, having largely learned to
cope with his loneliness, when one day a new boy arrived at
school. Matt had been rescued thanks to the watchful eye of
his mother, who convinced his father to take that new job
3000 miles, more or less, to the east.

So much had happened up to this present day. Love had been
found. Friendships had been born. Other souls were still
adrift. Lives had been saved, and a life had been lost.

***

Back at the service, the formalities were finally
concluding. Those paying their last respects watched as the
family moved from the graveside to the cement blocked
structure that served as the church fellowship hall where
the family would receive visitors one last time. Southern
funerals are major community events and much socializing is
conducted around the ceremonies. Starting with the first
reception at the funeral "home" (funeral store would be a
more apt description, as burial was no small expense), and
finally concluding rather tackily, but mercifully for the
family, with cookies and sodas as the neat mound of red dirt
was made level again outside of their view. There would be
one last walk back to the graveside afterward to view the
final product, and then they would be done.

Chris had had enough. Instead of going into the fellowship
hall with the rest of the family, he dodged around the rear
of the building and looked back to make sure Matt was
picking up on his cue. They walked to the farthest side of
the main church structure and found a private corner at the
bottom of the large brick walls, beyond the view of people
and traffic, and outside the reach of the chilling wind.
Collapsed by his emotions, Chris crumbled to the grass and
leaned against the base of the wall. His face was
inconsolable and Matt sat beside him and took him into his
arms. Chris had been keeping up his front very well. He had
been determined not to show any outward grief for his
father's passing. Showing such grief could have been
misinterpreted for love and he couldn't allow himself to
feel misplaced love for the man who had abused him so and
who also would have taken the life of the boy he loved. But
no matter how he tried to suppress it, there was still a
feeling of loss.

Here, Jay and Chris shared a brotherly bond once again;
there would be no reconciliation, no understanding, no long
awaited atonement or reparation. Chris's last memory of his
father alive would be of his father's lowest moment in life.
The man who once was a boy himself, then a young star
athlete, and then a reluctant servant for his country and
later disgraced ex-servant, then husband, father, teacher
and coach, would forever be no more than what he ended as: A
bitter and violent excuse for a father. Now, for no one but
himself, Chris had to come to his own terms with this. It
wouldn't be easy and it wouldn't happen today, but it had to
happen. In the only way left available to him, he had to
make peace with his father.

Matt didn't ask what was wrong. He just held Chris close and
tried to keep his own sobbing to a minimum. It would do
Chris no good for Matt to lose it too. On some very basic
level, it felt comforting for Matt to have Chris in his arms
again. He wondered just how damaged Chris was, but he also
knew if love could heal him, then love would be administered
in no small supply. That much, at least, was within his
control.

"I almost got you killed," Chris mumbled. "I knew better,
Matt. I knew better.....If I'd been more brave, or just
honest..." The words weren't flowing very freely,
interrupted constantly by new bursts of emotion.

Matt wasn't at all sure what Chris had meant by "just
honest." Chris needed to let this out and Matt felt like he
needed to hear it, though he feared what "just honest" might
mean.

"Chris, you are the bravest person I know. And you didn't
almost get me killed. Don't put that on your shoulders too."
Matt kissed Chris on the top of the head, pulling him
tighter still into his side.

"I lied to you Matt." These words brought a shudder of fear
to Matt's spine. Why would Chris have lied to him? Why
wouldn't Chris trust him with any truth? But then Matt had
truths he hadn't shared with Chris either. Did that make him
a liar too?

"Chris, you can trust me with anything. I don't want us to
have secrets from each other. I know I love you and nothing
you say is going to change that. Nothing." Matt was
reassuring Chris and himself at the same time.

"I didn't want you to hate me or to think I was a coward.
But I am a coward...."

"You are NOT a coward! And I could never hate you, Chris. I
don't know where this is going, but I know you. You don't
have to be perfect for me. You can't be perfect for anyone.
Whatever this is, tell me now and let's get it over with.
I'm still going to love you just as much, no matter what."

"I didn't hurt Jay Henson, but I might as well have. He was
hurt because of me and I did nothing about it, Matt...I did
nothing." Chris's head hung straight down in shame, his
words pointed to the ground, unable to make eye contact with
Matt. Matt understood what he said, but these words hadn't
revealed the lie. A very anxious curiosity was starting to
take Matt over.

"What did you lie about, Chris?"  The question seemed to
drain Chris's eyes. Matt saw his lip quiver and it took
several attempts for him to finally speak his reply.

"I saw it all happen, Matt. And I did nothing about it."
Chris was now completely broken. This lie was his last thin
wall of defense and its collapse had left him fully exposed.
He had never understood what Matt saw in him. Even with his
considerable physical attributes and charismatic
personality, his self confidence had been eroded away; or
maybe chipped away one blow and bruise at a time. He had
needed a close friend, a best friend, but never found it -
until Matt. And he had been confused by Katie's cool
reception to him at times, though that was the fault of
another and not his own. Matt was the only person he could
trust with the truth, and he was the person Chris was most
afraid to share it with for fear it would drive him away.

Matt was already busy trying to piece this together with
what he already knew. But then most of what he knew had come
from Chris, leaving him unsure what real truth he knew at
all. Chris had finally opened up to him with the first
"truth" just a couple of weeks earlier, just before their
own first sexual exploration with each other. Chris had told
him how he could only remember "bits and pieces" of what had
happened at the old shack with Jay and how it was all coming
back to him slowly. In the earlier version, he had been
unconscious, with a battered and bleeding head, before
opening his eyes to see a blurry flash of Jay lying face
down on the ground outside the shack. Memories faded in and
out as both boys were taken to the hospital. Chris had
recollected the vision of a sheriff's deputy talking with
his father as Chris was loaded in the ambulance along with
Jay.

Even while Matt silently pondered on this, he continued to
rub Chris's back and shoulder in the comforting way you try
to console someone in a time of loss. Having had a moment to
regain himself, Chris now continued with his confession.

"You see, I am a coward after all..... He had surprised us
and he punched me several times, actually hitting me in the
face and head, which he never did before. It's true that he
almost knocked me out when he kicked me in the head once,
after I fell down...." Chris paused and Matt watched his
face intently. The truth had taken him over almost in the
form of a trance.

"Then he went after Jay. I think I was in some state of
shock because I couldn't believe he caught us like that. I
felt ashamed, Matt...Jay fought back. I never did that and
it just seemed to make my dad madder. I closed my eyes and
just blocked it all out, just like I always did. But I
should have helped Jay. My dad had never hurt me like that,
not that bad, the way he hurt Jay. He was always smarter
than that with me."

"You were only 13 years old then, Chris. You probably
couldn't have stopped him anyway. You might have even made
it worse. And you're not a coward." Matt felt fresh sympathy
for him. The lie was more of a concealment of the truth, but
probably a lie all the same.

"I didn't do anything, Matt. I just lay there. I should have
at least tried! That's the only thing I lied to you about,
but I should have told you the truth the first time." Chris
wasn't a coward, but he felt like one. One never knows how
they'll react in a given situation. For him, the abuse and
violence had become routine. And he had felt genuinely
ashamed; your father catching you with your own cock in your
hand would be embarrassing enough. To have him catch you
with someone else's wasn't something many would be prepared
to deal with.

"At the hospital, the shrinks said I was in denial. They
were right about that, but they just didn't understand what
I was in denial about. It was easier to take the blame and
just stay quiet and let people think it was me who went
crazy. I wondered if Jay would tell them what really
happened. Maybe he was waiting on me. Or maybe we were both
ashamed and just as happy to let people think what they did.
It seemed easier to deal with than the truth."

Matt took in the full confession. The injuries from that day
ran even deeper than he had realized. At least now it was
out in the open. Two boys had been severely damaged with
injuries left untreated for far too long.

"But you didn't just lay there and watch him hurt me, did
you?" Matt's question brought Chris's eyes to meet his for
the first time since they'd sat down. Chris's eyes said it
even before his voice could speak the words.

"I couldn't let that happen. I would have rather died
first."

"Or second," Matt added. Chris blinked hard at the words. He
hadn't fully considered what his fate might have been if Jay
hadn't shown up when he did.

"Jay saved you and maybe both of us, but I couldn't save
him. I don't know why he went to the trouble, considering I
haven't spoken to him since the day dad caught us." His eyes
trailed off again.

"Chris, YOU saved me. If you hadn't slowed your dad down,
then..." They both knew the rest. "Jay knew something bad
was likely to happen and I think you are both very brave."

"How would he have known something bad would happen?" Chris
didn't know the full story and it was time for Matt to fill
him in. Then it would be time for Matt to shed his own
secret.

"Really, this was all my fault. I'm the one that almost got
me, or us, killed. And Chris...." Matt needed to say this.
"I feel responsible for your dad being dead, I'm sorry. I
really am sorry." Chris was now the one filled with anxious
curiosity. What exactly had happened?

"I knew it was your dad who had hurt both of you at the
shack that day. It took me a while to do it, but I
eventually figured it out. I had to know for sure and I
thought Jay was the only one who could tell me. I had been
trying to get him to talk to me but he wouldn't. I really
wasn't even sure if he knew what had happened to him because
I knew he was hurt really bad, since he lost the hearing in
one ear and all." Chris was hinging on every word. He had
thought about Jay almost every day since the last time
they'd spoken, but having someone else talk about him
brought everything back to full life somehow.

Matt continued, "While you were up at the hospital with your
mom, I got very depressed. After what happened at the
cafeteria, I didn't know if you would ever let me get close
to you again. I'd never felt so completely miserable, Chris.
I missed you so bad." Chris was now playing the role of
comforter, his arm wrapped around Matt's back. "I couldn't
just let it go, Chris. I had to know what happened and I had
to reach you again somehow. It made me do dumb things, like
steal my mom's car and drive it to Jay's house to make him
talk to me." Chris raised his eyebrows.

"Chris, Jay has suffered a lot too. I think he was afraid
for his mother." The startled look on Chris's face gave him
away. Matt had figured out even more than Chris had
imagined. And Chris knew more than Matt had yet figured out,
until that look spread across his face.

"You know, don't you?" They could read each other well
enough by now and Matt's question was really more of a
statement.

"I definitely didn't know then!" The `then' was when Jay and
Chris were fooling around. Chris looked into Matt's eyes to
make sure he believed him. Matt's eyes confirmed that he
did. "My mom and dad had a pretty bad argument right in my
hospital room. I was on some heavy medications, and they
thought I was more out of it than I was. They tried to
whisper, but it got above whisper level real quick like. I
heard Jay's name mentioned and I heard my mom say `your
hateful little bastard child.' I opened my eyes just as they
both looked over at me. My mom just started crying and
walked out of the room. My dad stood there and looked at me,
like he could hide it if he kept his cool. I just stared
back at him. We never talked about it, but that's when I
knew." Chris hadn't planned to reveal this secret, but it
wasn't because he didn't trust Matt. Having Jay for a
brother was something that brought many emotional
complications; complications that Chris hadn't yet figured
out how to handle.

"Matt, I couldn't even look at him afterwards. I felt like I
had betrayed him somehow. I think he probably feels like I
betrayed him too. We've never tried to talk or anything and
we just avoid each other at school."

Both boys were startled by the sudden appearance of Melanie
coming around the corner, each with an arm around the other,
huddled together with red, moist eyes. Their arms moved
quickly back to their sides, but Melanie clearly saw their
original positions. She didn't seem surprised; in fact, she
didn't even blink.

"Chris, are you OK?" Melanie loved her brother, it was
obvious. True, she had abandoned him earlier in life but she
had no choice at the time. She had made the choice to save
herself from the Briggs' house and Matt couldn't blame her
for that.

"Yeah, I'm OK. I'm not coming back in there though."

"I understand. I told mom I would check on you and make sure
you were all right. But I see you're in good hands." She
gave Matt an appreciative smile, or as much of one as the
circumstances would allow. Matt gave her a ragged half-smile
in return; it was all he could muster. Melanie turned and
went back inside and both boys gave each other quick
glances.

Matt considered telling Chris about his hospital
conversation with Melanie, but decided that would be too
much for right now. There was already plenty to deal with.

"Jay tried to convince me not to go to your house that day.
That's why I think he knew there would be trouble. He could
probably see it coming more clearly than I could at the
time. I didn't plan on having it out with your dad. But when
I saw you running from the house, something just snapped
inside me. But I'm sorry it turned out the way it did." Matt
needed no forgiveness in Chris's eyes. What had happened had
happened, and it was done.

"Chris, you should talk to Jay. I don't really know him, but
I know he doesn't deserve what has happened to him. You two
are brothers and you might be able to help each other, in
time. I'm sure you could help him. Maybe we both could."
Matt reclaimed Chris's hand with his own and their stares
moved from understanding to wanting. It wasn't the time, and
certainly not the place, but their bodies seemed to
communicate in unison with one simple unspoken word: "Soon."

Matt needed to shed a secret of his own. He wasn't sure the
timing was right, but he didn't want to hold it back any
longer. "There's something I want you to know. Something
I've always felt bad about, even though I think I did the
right thing." Maybe this wasn't the right time, but now it
was too late to go back. Chris extended his fingers, taking
Matt's hand into a tighter grip.

"It's about Katie." Matt paused again. Chris winced a little
at the mention of her name, completely without a clue as to
where this was going. "This is hard to explain, but I sort
of caught her with someone else.....before you broke up."
Matt was struggling, mostly with the wording. He felt like
he was tip-toeing through a minefield.

Chris jumped in, trying to help. "And you didn't tell me
about it, you kept it a secret?"

"Well, I didn't tell you about it. But I did do something
about it." Chris's eyes narrowed at Matt's words. "I sort of
confronted her. I don't know what I expected, but she got
pretty mad at me. I got mad at her too. It's my fault she
broke up with you. I made her do it, Chris. I was really
scared what would happen if you found about what she was
doing." Matt regretted those last four words as soon as they
came out of his mouth.

"What WAS she doing?" Chris didn't seem that angry. Of
course, the surrounding events and emotions had muted much
of what he might otherwise feel right now.

"Chris, it won't make you feel any better to know the
details. I promise you." Matt thought back to an old
conversation with Tommy, and how Matt had refused to take a
small answer to a large question.

"I'm over that, Matt. I got the better end of that deal,
don't you think? I mean, I got you!" Matt had to smile at
him. Even though the situation was very awkward, it was
still a nice thing to hear. Still, Chris wanted to know. "So
tell me already."

Matt's smile receded as his lips drew into his mouth, trying
to hide from their duty of speaking the answer.

"You've got to promise me you're gonna let this go. I don't
want you going after anybody for revenge. We've got enough
trouble already." That was to be Matt's deal, take it or
leave it and he would trust Chris on his word if he agreed.

"I promise not to freak out and go after anybody. I just
want to know the truth. It's over and done with and I'm not
going to start any trouble." He said it like he meant it,
and that was enough for Matt.

"I caught her with Ty Wilson." Matt hoped this would be
enough, but he knew better.

"Caught her? What does that mean?" The look in Chris's eyes
told Matt it was finally time to give him the whole truth.
Get it out and over with. No more secrets.

"You had been having your problems with her. You had told me
how you didn't think she was even attracted to you and you
were pretty upset about how things were going with her in
general. I was going to talk to her -- as your friend. I was
trying to catch up with her so we could talk someplace
alone, because I figured she would get pissed at me and I
didn't want her to embarrass me in front of everyone. I
followed her into the auditorium and accidentally saw
something I didn't want to see. She was....well....fuck it,
she was blowing him in the back of the auditorium. There,
now you know!" Matt was irritated, not at Chris, but just at
the burden of revealing such information.

"Wow, I didn't know she even knew how to do that." Chris
gave Matt an evil grin and actually giggled. Matt finally
took some relief, partly from the fact Chris was taking this
so well and partly from the hope that Chris really didn't
know she "knew how to do that."

Chris stopped giggling long enough to mutter, "That fucking
asshole Ty Wilson. He's always looking at me like he knows
something I don't. I guess he did."

Ty Wilson's arrogance had mostly been developed by his own
efforts, but his sense of position in the community came
naturally. His father was a very successful insurance
salesman, having sold many of the life and auto policies in
the area for more than twenty years. His mother was a hot-
shot real estate agent. Matt wondered if the Jordans and
Wilsons had done business together.

Chris continued, "Matt, you know I still talk to Katie
sometimes. I mean, we're still friends. We've got a lot of
history together and I didn't want things to end badly
between us. She's been pretty down lately. I've never seen
her like that before -- it's just not her style."

Matt didn't resent Katie as Chris's friend. He had learned
to feel some sympathy for her and wondered if there was hope
for her yet. The recent odd stares on her face made Matt
wonder if she wasn't questioning who she was and he hoped
she found the right answers.

Chris held Matt's eyes, staring into them with appreciation.
"What?" Matt asked with a smile.

"I don't know why you do it, Matt. I just don't know why you
work so hard to take care of me the way you do. You were
actually going to talk to Katie, to try and get her to be a
better girlfriend to me? You realize what that makes you?"

"Stupid?" Matt replied, with a sheepish grin.

Chris laughed out loud, and then refocused those x-ray eyes
on Matt with full attention and seriousness. "No, not at
all. It makes you unselfish and so in love with me. It
really makes me realize even more how much you must love me,
even if I can't understand why you do. I can't imagine how
that made you feel, talking to her like that, knowing the
way you love me. You've done so much for me. You saved my
ass in Geometry. Well, Tommy saved my ass but you put him up
to it. You were there for me at the hospital, even when I
tried to push you away, you just wouldn't give up on me.
Then you reached out to Jay just to try and help me. And
then my dad, you stood up for me Matt and I don't want you
to feel guilty about him. It wasn't your fault. What's done
is done."

Matt soaked up every word. He had no doubt that Chris
appreciated him, but it was still good to be reminded. We
all need to hear those reminders -- especially from those
we're closest too.

"Chris!" This time Melanie announced her presence before
rounding the corner. "Come on, mom wants us to walk back out
to the grave together and see how it looks." Finally, the
last few steps required for the ceremony were about to be
taken.

"I'll be there in a couple minutes, Mel." With that, Melanie
left them again. Chris stood and reached out his hand to
pull Matt up from his position. Matt looked up at him first,
noting to himself again just how amazing Chris looked in a
suit. He smiled and took Chris's hand, rising to face him.
Chris leaned into him and gently covered his lips with a
slow, soft kiss -- not a rousing kiss of passion -- more of
an expression of warmth and gratitude. Easing off his lips
just as slowly, Chris spoke the three words that Matt's
heart couldn't hear enough, "I love you."

Their bodies re-sent the earlier communication, still
unspoken, but still loud and clear: "Soon."

***

Andy and Betty Johnson decided against attending the
service. They had a bad history with Robert Briggs and
didn't think it appropriate to show their faces. Tommy would
have liked to have been there as a show of support for Chris
and Matt, but he had shown plenty of support already.

Tommy's life was more complicated these days, or at least
filled with more drama than in the past. When the school
year started, he was barely a blip on anyone's radar. Now,
he was in, or at least near, the center of a storm. Along
the way he had made a new friend -- his best friend. He had
also made another friend in the unlikely company of Chris.
Two new friends made for two more than last year. Nobody
disliked Tommy; it was just that no one bothered to actually
like him. His presence was an indifference to people. Tommy
was a very shy boy. He felt most at home in the outdoors and
never took to athletics, though he had more than ample
coordination and general athleticism. Hunting, fishing,
horseback riding, and just simply roaming the countryside
were the things that interested him most. He had never had a
girlfriend, but he found some girls attractive.

Tommy was a Southerner, born and bred. His parents were
reasonably tolerant people. His father was an educator and
clearly on the record in favor of equal opportunity for all
races. Sexual orientation was a touchy subject, though. In
the South, like many places, you could be equal opportunity
for all --- except gays; that was different, after all.
Blacks had "no choice" but to be black, so how could a
decent society hold "that" against them? In the Johnson
house, sexuality was never openly discussed. Andy Johnson
made his fair share of mild gay jokes, but he wasn't mean
spirited about it. Tommy had heard the (then humorous) term
"pickle smoocher" thrown around a time or ten. Gays were
easy to make casual fun of because nobody knew one, so who
was there to be offended?

Tommy Johnson had always recognized that some guys were
better looking than others; the ability to spot beauty and
attraction is a common gift to all of us. Yet he had never
felt actual attraction to another boy, at least not until
Matthew Jordan came to town. The emotions and feelings were
hard for Tommy to separate. Matt was his best friend and
really the only person, other than his parents, to have ever
shown real interest in him. It was a very attractive
experience for him, but did that mean he was attracted to
Matt? Matt was an attractive boy, but then so was Chris. But
Tommy didn't feel that same attraction to Chris. One thing
Tommy knew for certain: Matt was his best friend in the
world and he would do anything for him. In Tommy's mind, an
old question was starting to resurface again: "When will
life be for me?"

***

What was left of the Briggs' family made their way out to
the finished grave. Matt stood well back and watched from a
distance; his mom and dad had rejoined him and stood by his
side. It was impressive work and Robert Briggs final resting
place looked well groomed and well secured. While the past
wouldn't be so easily buried, at least a path to the future
was now cleared. It shouldn't have happened this way, but it
was over.

Now it was time to begin again.

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Author's Note:
Thanks to everyone for your patience while waiting for the
story continuation to begin. I hope this and the remaining
chapters prove worth your wait. Chapter 16 contains a lot of
recapping of previous storyline. I thought this was
necessary since it's been almost 5 months since my last
post. I hope it's not too redundant and the story will
freshen during the coming chapters. Chapters 17, 18, and 19
have already been completed and will be posted over the next
few days. Starting with Chapter 20, I will be posting once
per month.

You've probably noticed a change in the narrative style. I
will also be writing the remaining chapters in this same
third-person narrative format. It gives me better access to
the other characters (other than Matt and Chris) and
development of those characters was the primary motivation
for continuing the story. You'll notice changes in
venue/setting marked by "***".

Thanks again and please give me your honest feedback, as
always.

Please keep the responses coming: ehman@ehmanpenn.com
or ehman_penn@yahoo.com

You can also get progress reports, leave comments and
discuss the story on the website: http://www.ehmanpenn.com