Date: Thu, 26 Jun 2003 16:07:06 -0400
From: Ehman Penn <ehman@ehmanpenn.com>
Subject: Matthew Figures It Out - Part 18

This story is a fictional account of the lives, loves and
struggles of teenage boys. Don't read it if there's any
chance that doing so might send you or the author to jail.
This story is also copyrighted by the author and cannot be
altered, reproduced, or hosted without his consent. Please
direct all feedback to: ehman@ehmanpenn.com

*****************************

Matthew Figures It Out - Chapter 18  `Tommy Takes Center
Stage'


...The clock was edging toward noon and Matt heard a car
pull in the drive. Joanna watched his face light up and she
shared the comfort of Tommy's approach.

Just as Matt was about to open the front door, he heard a
curious yelp from the other side followed by Tommy's muffled
words, "Shut up or you're gonna spoil the surprise!"


When Matt finally pulled the door open, two heads looked up
at him from below his waist. He observed the anticipation in
Tommy's familiar eyes, but it was the unfamiliar tongue and
tail, wagging in unison, that caused him to drop his mouth
open in astonishment.

"I know it's a little early, but we wanted you to have some
time to get used to him while you're on Christmas break...My
folks cleared it all with your folks. He's yours."

Matthew Jordan was speechless and his eyes fogged up as he
watched Tommy's lips speak the words. Tommy picked up the
shiny black Labrador retriever puppy and reached him forward
into Matt's waiting arms. Matt's eyes moved back and forth
between the eyes of the puppy and the eyes of his best
friend. He fought back the tears and was still in the grips
of a speechless stupor.

Tommy read the deep appreciation in his face and knew he had
"done good."

"You're a Southerner now, Matt; you've just got to have your
own dog."

"Oh, Tommy." Matt's lip quivered a bit but he didn't want to
make a scene. He reinforced himself with the glowing
distraction of Betty Johnson looking on quietly, for a
change, from the background. She flashed him a ridiculously
huge grin and Matt finally broke down and laughed through
his tears.

Matt held the puppy close to his face and looked him deep in
the eyes, making sure the furry adolescent wasn't being
kidnapped against his will. A slobbery flick or two landed
on Matt's nose and he took it as an endorsement of the
relocation.

"We might just have to call you Licker, little guy." Matt's
idea drew a discreet, but disagreeing, shake of the head
from Tommy. Matt laughed again and replied to Tommy, just
below the earshot of the women, "Yeah, I guess you shouldn't
really name a dog Licker, huh?" Both boys giggled, casting
childish glances back at their clueless mothers.

Another excited yelp brought more giggles and a pledge from
Matt, "Don't worry, little guy, we'll give you a dignified
name, nothing too embarrassing, I promise."

Joanna made her way out to say hello to Tommy's mom, pausing
along the way to rub both the puppy and Tommy on the head
with equal affection.

Matt led Tommy inside and they sprawled out on the living
room rug with the puppy bouncing around between them. Matt
got a quick reminder of his injured ribs and he sat back up
and leaned against the couch for support. Tommy noticed the
grimace and he sat up too in a sympathetic gesture.

Soon, Joanna came back in and appeared relieved to see the
living room still intact.

"Matt, you're going to have to watch him very closely.
Puppies can do a lot of damage inside a house. HE doesn't
know any better, so if something gets destroyed, I'm holding
YOU responsible. And maybe YOU too, Tommy." She poked Tommy
playfully on the shoulder as she said it.

Tommy needed to look up to make sure she was just kidding.
Relieved that she was, he replied, "He doesn't come with a
warranty, Mrs. Jordan."

"Does he at least come with insurance?" Joanna liked Tommy.
Given Matt's recent adventures, she might at least consider
a trade if Betty Johnson insisted.

Tommy pursed his lips together, lowered his brow, and shook
his head decidedly "No."

Matt looked on in giddy wonderment. Tommy playing the ham
with his mom was hilarious to him.

The four legged fellow on the carpet must have also found it
quite hilarious, so much that he couldn't contain his
excitement.

"Oh No! Get him, get him, get him!" Joanna's rug had a new
pattern, at least for a while until the stain wore off. She
cast a pair of narrow eyes at Tommy, and shook a finger in
his direction.

Tommy feigned his best look of innocence and replied, "He's
YOUR dog now, don't send me the cleaning bill."

Matt had fetched a roll of paper towels, feeling obliged to
clean up what little hadn't already soaked into the carpet,
and still shaking his head in amusement at Tommy's act.

Joanna delivered one more line before making a search for
carpet cleaner, "Tommy Johnson, it's a good thing we don't
have a doghouse yet because YOU'D be sleeping in it tonight
with little leaker there."

Tommy and Matt looked at each other and squealed in chorus:
"Leaker!!!"

Tommy and Matt enjoyed the idea of an inside joke and the
prospect of many opportunities to laugh about it. Little
Leaker didn't seem to mind either and joined in on the
laughter.

Tommy didn't want to push his luck, or little Leaker's, and
he suggested that they move into the fenced back yard for a
while in case nature called again. It was a sunny day and
temperatures had recovered nicely from the earlier cold
spell. Leaker sniffed and snorted his way around the virgin
grass, exploring each inch with special care. Tommy and Matt
took seat on an old swing John Jordan had installed himself,
much to his own amazement as he was not much of a handyman
around the house.

"Tommy, I can't believe you brought me a puppy. I've never
had a pet before, not even a pet rock." Matt couldn't take
his eyes off young Leaker.

"When I saw your reaction to Molly and the pups that day, I
just knew you wanted one for your own. Puppies are a lot of
work, but they're great friends. I can't imagine growing up
without them, and I felt sort of selfish having so many when
you didn't have any at all." Tommy's words were embraced by
a warm gaze of endearment from Matt.

Matt raised his arm and rested his right elbow on Tommy's
shoulder. It was a measured act of affection and quite
reserved compared to the urgings Matt felt in his heart at
that moment.

"Thank you, Tommy. It really means a lot to me, that you
would think of me like that. You're my best friend, you
know?"

"Really? I mean, I just figured Chris was your best friend,"
Tommy replied.

"Chris is a great friend too, but it's different with him. I
love him, Tommy. I love him in a way I've never loved
anyone." Matt's declaration produced a twinge somewhere deep
inside Tommy.

Matt continued, "But I love you in a way I've never loved
anyone either. It's not less, Tommy. It's just different."

Tommy's twinge subsided and he held Matt's gaze for a while,
neither boy smiling, both subdued by the sincerity of the
moment. Tommy had heard "I love you" many times from his
parents and a few times from other less immediate relatives,
but he had never heard it spoken to him outside of family.
Somehow, this loving endorsement meant more to him than all
the rest. It was pure and not issued as a right of birth. He
didn't know what to say, having had no experience replying
in such matters. The slightly embarrassed smile that took
him over said more than enough, then embarrassment gave way
to the ensuing warm confidence that comes from knowing you
are loved.

Tommy finally spoke. "I was really scared when I found out
what happened at Chris's place. My mom heard about it from
my cousin and all he knew was that someone was dead and one
boy was hurt. I called your house and couldn't get an answer
and I just knew it was you, Matt. I sort of freaked out a
little..well, a lot. My mom called someone she knows at the
sheriff's department and he told her that it was Coach
Briggs who was dead, but he didn't know who was hurt or how
bad. He did know it wasn't Chris. I just knew you were a
goner."

Matt could feel a faint twitch under the elbow on Tommy's
shoulder; Tommy was shaking.

"I thought I was a goner too, Tommy. Right before it all
ended, when Jay showed up, everything just stopped and the
only thing I could see was this terrified look on Chris's
face. Everything froze..You know what they say about your
life flashing before your eyes?.......Well, that's bullshit.
The only thing that flashed before my eyes was that look on
Chris's face. I just closed them and imagined him the first
time I saw him in school, standing there with that cocky
grin on his face. I didn't want my last picture of him to be
the other way." Matt's eyes drifted down to the grass. He
had recounted the story several times for the sheriff's
deputies, but he had never repeated this part as it wasn't
relevant to any police matters.

"So Chris saw what happened? He saw Jay shoot his dad?"
Tommy wasn't consciously trying to drag Matt back through
the whole affair. He was naturally curious of the details
and Matt had promised him his own full accounting of the
facts.

"Yeah, Chris saw him shoot their dad," as Matt finished the
sentence, he looked up at a stunned Tommy.

"What do you mean `their dad,' Matt?" He was sure Matt had
misspoken.

"Coach Briggs was Jay's dad too." Matt felt bad releasing
this information. It was true, but he still felt bad about
it.

"But Jay didn't know." Tommy was at least sure of this much.

"Yeah, he did. He never came right out and said it to me,
but he knew."

During the conversation, little Leaker had sniffed and dug
his way into several small holes in the backyard, leaving
behind an incriminating trail of fresh potholes in the
earth. Matt watched him with amusement.

Tommy was in a complete state of confusion. "Man, I can't
believe my mom didn't know any of this. She knows just about
everything that goes on in this county."

Matt eyed him curiously, ready to deliver one more
befuddling barb. "She knows too, Tommy. That's where I first
picked up on it from."

"I'll Be Fucked!!" Loud enough, that Tommy looked around
embarrassed that Matt's mom might have heard him.

"Maybe later, Tommy. Let's eat first, mom made hotdogs."
Matt dropped the elbow that had been resting on Tommy's
shoulder, poking Tommy in the side as he rose up, then
surprising Tommy, and himself, by extending his arms and
pulling him into a hug.

"Thanks Tommy, for worrying about me. I'm sorry you had to
worry about me like that." It was a brief hug and Tommy
returned it as best he could in the short time he had to
think about it. "Thanks for him too," Matt looked out across
the yard to the puppy.

Matt called out to the little four legged excavator, "Hey
Leaker, you want to go back inside, little guy?" Little
Leaker ignored his call, more than content to continue his
earthwork in the backyard. Matt looked over to Tommy and
shrugged. "Tommy, I'm not sure he likes that name. I
wouldn't want him to be made fun of. I mean, what if my mom
had named me Leaker? That would be some embarrassing shit,
you know?"

Tommy replied, "Well, it is sort of funny and all, but I
wouldn't want to be named Leaker either. My mom used to call
me Pooper when I was real little, and I didn't like that
very much." Matt broke into a wide grin.

Leaker paid them no attention at all, his small paws
pounding away at the red dirt.

Tommy continued, "Look at him go. He sure is a little
digger."

Matt looked at Tommy. Tommy looked at Matt. Then both smiled
at the puppy, before turning to each other again and
speaking as one: "Digger!"

Matt smiled, "It's much more dignified, don't you think? Or
at least it is by comparison."

Mimicking the same look he had given Matt's mom earlier,
Tommy pursed his lips, lowered his brow, and shook his head
up and down in a definite "Yes."

"You crack me up, Tommy! I'm hungry, let's eat."

The boys made their way into the kitchen and the hot dogs
were devoured in record time. Tommy downed three all by
himself, much to the amazement of Joanna Jordan.

"Tommy has worms," Matt commented matter-of-factly, causing
Tommy to pause mid-bite on number four before putting it
back down on his plate and declaring himself full.

"Don't you let him shame you into stopping, Tommy Johnson.
You go right ahead and eat," Joanna cast a scolding glance
at Matt.

"Well, I probably shouldn't let it go to waste," Tommy
replied.

"Yeah, especially now that you've slobbered all over it,"
added Matt with a grin.

"I'm trying to put on some weight, build myself up a bit,"
Tommy justified.

"Uh-huh. I can see that those hotdog curls are really
building up your biceps," Matt reached over and grasped
Tommy's arm just above the elbow, evaluating the progress.

Tommy's eyes narrowed but there was a twinkle contained
there and Matt saw it clearly.

"I know, I know. You're just `wiry'...I think you're just
fine the way you are, Tommy." Matt flashed a genuine smile
and gently jostled the faintly strawberry hair above Tommy's
eyes, drawing a warm appreciative glow from Tommy's face.

The afternoon continued in similar fashion with Matt and
Tommy rarely moving out from each other's shadow. They
walked through the neighborhood down to the basketball and
tennis courts. Tommy spotted the shared swimming pool,
closed for the winter months, and mentioned his own swimming
"pools," spread around the back country and without the
benefit of a cement lining. Matt teasingly asked if Tommy
had ever done any skinny-dipping in those old ponds, to
which Tommy gave a red faced reply of "maybe a time or two."

Tommy marveled quite a bit at how closely together the
houses were built, apologetically offering that he "needed
more space than that." It didn't escape Matt's observation
that the entire neighborhood could have been built on the
huge piece of farmland owned by Andy and Betty Johnson
(courtesy of Betty's side of the family). It also didn't
escape his observation that he might need more space than
this too.

Growing up in a small community like Sausalito, California,
Matt had never experienced the freedom of wide open spaces
until moving to the South. Now, with his growing resume
including the new addition of his first puppy, Matt truly
was starting to feel a kinship with the South. Slowly, but
surely, he was becoming a Southerner at heart. Still, he
wondered if the South would accept him as freely.

Having made the circle and now nearing Matt's house again, a
sudden and persistent yelp was heard from the back of the
property. Speeding up their pace and moving straight to the
fenced backyard, they soon found the back half of little
Digger, his tail-end pointed straight up in the air, and his
head stuck uncomfortably between the rounded groove of two
small wooden planks at the base of the fence. Tommy quickly
freed him and little Digger retreated a few steps back,
firing complaining yelps at the fence.

"Hey, little guy, were you trying to bust out of here
already?" Matt was afraid this was an act of rejection and
he knelt down and caressed his fur into a state of peace.
Digger collapsed and rolled over, offering Matt full access
to his pleading belly.

"Matt, he just felt left out. He was probably trying to
follow us and it looks like he almost made it." Tommy kicked
the impressive mound of dirt back into the fresh hole.

"Tommy, I don't want him to get out while we're not home.
Some bigger dog could hurt him or..." Matt had a fresh
vision of Jay Henson rushing into the vet's office that
night, his dear old Collie friend Shep in tow having just
suffered mortal wounds from a passing car. "There are too
many cars around here." The full responsibility required by
Tommy's gift was starting to settle in.

"Your dad was worried about that too, Matt. But he said he
could take care of it."

Just then, Matt's mom came outside to check on the
disturbance. "Oh my, what did you do now?" She looked down
at an oblivious Digger. As a Vet's assistant, Joanna was no
rookie to pets and the havoc they could cause, or the
injuries they could cause to themselves.

"Mom, what are we going to do?"

"Don't worry, Matt. Your dad and I have already made plans
for this." As she said it, a white van pulled up in the
front drive, and a nice looking, fit young man -- maybe 25
years old -- came around to the back yard. He was wearing a
navy colored jacket with white embroidery that read
"Invisible Fence."

"Mrs. Jordan?" He asked with a good smile.

"Yes, and you've arrived just in time," she looked over at
the bald spot at the base of the fence, where grass used to
be. The young man freshened his smile and looked
suspiciously at little Digger before returning his full
attention back to Joanna.

"My name's Greg and I'll be doing your installation today.
What's this little guy's name?"

Tommy and Matt couldn't have had better timing if they'd
been practicing. Speaking as one: "Digger!"

Greg couldn't help but laugh. "Looks like we better get
started right away!" He turned to go back to his van.

"Mom, what's this all about?" Matt hadn't a clue.

"He's going to place a wire at the base of the fence and
also around the front yard too, in one big square. The wire
acts like a big antenna and it communicates with a
transmitter in the garage that will send a radio signal
around the entire perimeter of the property. Little Digger
will wear a special collar with a little computer chip that
will buzz if he gets too close to the wire." Joanna was the
underrated `salesman' in the family; she could sell this
stuff for a living

"Well, so far he doesn't seem to hear so good, so I don't
see how that's going to stop him." Matt wasn't sold yet.

"Son, the buzzing sound is meant to warn him. If he doesn't
stop, then the special collar gives him a little shock," her
words shocked Matt instead, "not enough to hurt him, but
enough to get his attention. Don't worry, it won't take him
long to understand." The concern in his face eased as he
realized the peace of mind such a system could bring. "Matt,
after a while, he'll know exactly where he can and can't go
and he won't even need the collar."

"But we'll leave it on, just in case." Matt was now fully
sold and he wanted the full comfort and benefit of this new
product.

Handsome Greg was very efficient with a trencher. Little
Digger looked on with envy as the dirt was unearthed in such
a tight line by the machine. In his little puppy mind, he
must have been thinking "nice." Four hours later, Greg
pronounced the job complete, just in time since the early
evening of winter was starting to settle in.

"Ma'am, I can come back tomorrow and we'll fit the collar
and I'll do some training with your sons and Digger."

Matt and Tommy looked at each other when he said "sons" but
neither saw need to correct him. Neither did Joanna.

"See you tomorrow boys, and ma'am." He paused to observe a
mischievous looking Digger. "If he's going to be outside
tonight, I can go head and fit a collar for him now." Greg
was a good young man, and Matt was starting to admire that
smile.

"We're going to lock him in the dungeon tonight and put him
under double guard too, just in case," Matt smiled back.

Greg and Joanna exchanged amused glances and then she added,
"We have a basement."

Greg looked at Digger a last time and replied, "OK, well
that might come in handy tonight with this little guy. If
the weather cooperates, I'll be back out around eleven
tomorrow morning. That sound OK?"

Joanna agreed and generous Greg disappeared into the night.

"Matt, I brought some dog food and the puppies normally eat
around this time of the day." Tommy had come prepared.
Digger appreciated the thought and made quick work of his
dinner, as was customary with all who originated from the
Johnson farm.

"I talked to your dad. He's coming home in a couple of
hours, Matt. I'm going to make spaghetti." Joanna looked at
Tommy, seeking his approval for tonight's menu.

Matt jumped in, "You'd better make lots of it."

She did, and it was a good thing too. John Jordan, finally
home from a long day at the office, couldn't help but smile
as Tommy plowed through two large plates full.

Like father, like son. John chimed in, "Tommy, your folks do
feed you at home, don't they?"

"All right, enough from both of you." At least Joanna would
come to his defense. "Tommy, I'm very honored that a fine
young Southern boy with a healthy appetite would be so
appreciative of my cooking. Thank you."

"Your welcome, Mrs. Jordan. Could you pass the bread,
please?"

Tommy didn't talk much when he was eating. He didn't talk
much anytime at all, but he felt comfortable in the Hotel
Jordan.

He was, in fact, a "fine young Southern boy" and he loved
his parents, but he was starting to feel a need to get out
from under his mother's protective wing. The introduction of
Matt into his life had accelerated his maturity. Though
still very shy, he could now claim a best friend. He could
also claim a body that, though admittedly "wiry," was also
finally maturing. His sexual imagination had expanded the
range of topics it surveyed during his most intimate times
alone, doing what maturing, almost-15 year old, boys do so
well and so often. Those intimate thoughts, and his
attraction to Matt, had left him wondering who he really
was. The loving, though sometimes suffocating, wing of his
mother made him wonder what he would be allowed to be. Matt
had shared with him his coming `out' to John and Joanna.
Tommy quietly spied on them from behind his mounds of
spaghetti, observing the looks on their faces and envious of
the acceptance Matt found there. Sitting in the dining room
of the Jordans, Tommy still didn't know who he was for sure,
but he felt like he had the freedom to be whomever he might
choose. At least there, he felt such freedom.

"I really appreciate ya'll inviting me over and letting me
stay the night." Tommy's appreciation ran deeper than he
could explain.

Joanna led the response, "And you're always welcome here,
anytime."

John added, "Absolutely, young man."

Matt had another one-liner loaded on the tip of his tongue,
this one including "as long as you bring your own
groceries," but he saw a deeper sincerity in Tommy's eyes
and decided not to spoil the moment for him. Matt enjoyed
picking with Tommy and it was purely an act of affection for
him. Still, there was a fine line between just playing
around and being a smartass. He didn't want to fall into the
latter category. Instead, he reloaded his tongue with
something more appropriate.

"Looks like I'm a Southerner now, and looks like you're a
Jordan. We're Southern brothers, Tommy."

Smiles come in many meanings. There are smiles of affection,
smiles of joy, smiles of laughter, and, among others, smiles
of peace and contentment. The smile of love is distinct,
though it includes some qualities of all the others. The
smile of love radiated between Matt and Tommy. It wasn't a
lesser love, just a different one.

After dinner, everyone spent some family time in the living
room. John made occasional glances at the TV as college
basketball had started for the season. Digger displayed a
few tricks, namely chasing his tail in a circle, drawing
much interest from all. Matt and Tommy smiled and giggled at
practically everything little Digger did. Joanna watched
contentedly, never feeling left out as the only girl in the
room.

"We're going to go downstairs and watch Friends and
Seinfeld." Matt didn't mind sharing Tommy with his parents
but the party was getting a little stale. John offered to
let them use the TV in the living room, but that really
wasn't the point.

"It's OK, dad. We're just going to hang out."

"Come on, buddy. You're going downstairs with the guys."
Digger didn't understand Matt's words but he had no
intention of being left behind again. With tail proudly
pointed to the ceiling, he joined the boys.

Halfway down the stairs, Matt stopped and told Tommy, "I'm
going to run up to my room and put on some comfy clothes."

Tommy thought that sounded like a good idea and he continued
downstairs and dug a pair of pajama pants and heavy t-shirt
from his overnight bag. Matt went up to his room and changed
quickly, but noticed that he became a little dizzy after
rushing up the stairs. He sat down on his bed for a moment
to let the dizziness pass. After just a short bit, he walked
carefully back down the stairs to the ground floor. As he
reached the door leading down to the basement, he heard loud
giggling coming from below.

Pushing the door open slowly, he saw the shirtless figure of
Tommy sitting in the middle of the basement floor, trying to
wrestle his hijacked t-shirt out of Digger's mouth. Digger
was straining and growling with all four feet spread out for
maximum traction. It was wonderful sight and Matt sat
quietly on the top step and enjoyed for a while.

Suddenly, Tommy didn't look so much like a little brother to
Matt anymore. He was obviously maturing, physically and
otherwise. Matt thought back to one of his early experiences
when Tommy had provided the initial disturbing news about
Chris's past. He thought about how blunt he had treated
Tommy that day and he recalled the tears he had helped
produce in Tommy's eyes. It all seemed like years ago, but
it was only months instead.

Matt wasn't shy in recognizing attraction in other boys. It
was plain to him that Tommy was attractive, seemingly more
so all the time. Matt rested his chin on his folded arms and
continued to watch Tommy and Digger wrestle for control of
the shirt. A wide smile stretched across his face before
drawing back some as he felt worry for Tommy. He had been
aware of Tommy's feelings since the day they had talked out
by the barn near the Johnson's house. Tommy had revealed,
then, that he had never felt attraction to boys -- until he
met Matt. This had placed a special burden on Matt to
protect Tommy's feelings and make sure he didn't get hurt.
It was a difficult balancing act for Matt also recognized in
Tommy the same lonely feelings he had so much personal
experience with himself. He wanted to hold Tommy in his arms
and tell him how much he loved him, but to do so might hurt
Tommy more than help him. Though he recognized and
appreciated Tommy's attractive qualities, Matt wanted no one
in a sexual way except Chris. Matt belonged to Chris and
Chris alone, at least in that way. Matt needed to show Tommy
affection, but he still had to be careful. A tough balancing
act, for sure.

Tommy spotted Matt sitting on the stairs and he gave the t-
shirt a good solid tug finally winning the battle with
Digger. He put on the shirt quickly and smiled at Matt, a
little embarrassed at having been spotted shirtless. Matt
came downstairs and plopped down on the couch, first turning
on the old TV. Tommy soon joined him there and they sat with
quiet smiles for a few minutes watching the latest episode
of Friends.

"Tommy, who is your favorite on this show?"

"I think I'd have to say Chandler, but I like Rachel pretty
well too. You remind me of Chandler." Tommy looked at Matt
with a grin.

"Oh shit, I'm a bigger smartass than I realized," Matt said,
amused. Tommy laughed.

"No, Chandler's funny. He's not JUST a smartass." Tommy's
verbal jab brought a physical jab from Matt's sock covered
foot, poking Tommy playfully in the side.

"Hey, don't kick me," Tommy giggled in response. "I meant it
as a compliment. I think Chandler is cool. If I had called
you Ross, then you could kick me. He gets on my nerves."

"I would have kicked your ass if you called me Ross." Matt
took the common ground with Tommy on this one.

"It's hard to believe the first week of Christmas break is
almost over already. We'll be back in school before you know
it." Tommy's words brought a sober look to Matt's face.

"Yeah," was all Matt could manage as a response. He'd put
the thoughts of school as far from his mind as possible, but
he wouldn't be able to avoid them forever. With the death of
Coach Briggs, a teacher no less, the rumors would be flying
like never before. And now they'd also involve Jay.

"I never want to go back, Tommy..I know I have to, but I
don't want to." Matt's admission killed the mood in the
room. Tommy thought for a minute and realized too just how
tough things would be. There was just no denying it.

"We'll stick together, Matt. They'll get tired of talking
about it all sooner or later." Tommy scooted over a little
closer to Matt in yet another show of moral support.

Matt looked him in the eyes and felt new worry for him. "I
feel bad for pulling you into this. Don't get mad at me
again for saying this, but it's not fair to you because it
isn't your fight. You were just minding your own business,
being my friend - and Chris's."

"You still don't get it, do you?" Tommy asked.

"I'm not sure. I know you're my best friend and you've never
let me down, not once," Matt replied.

"What I'm trying to say is different though. You see, they
always ignored me and sort of pretended like I wasn't there.
Nobody really picked on me or anything, they just didn't pay
me any attention at all. I kind of understand why. I know
I'm quiet and sort of plain looking. I've never been into
sports. I just like doing quiet things and being outside
mostly. But you were the first person in our school to ever
stop and really talk to me. You were the first person to
seem interested enough to be my friend. Even Chris didn't do
that until you came, but he's a year older so I wouldn't
have expected him to. It was just always like I was a ghost.
I could see and hear them but they couldn't see me. But you
saw me. And here's what you don't get, Matt: I would rather
be fighting on your side -- no matter what they say or do to
me -- than to just go back to being a ghost that no one sees
or hears. I've only got one thing to lose and I'm not going
to let them take that away from me, not without a fight."
Tommy's quiet delivery had resounding resolve.

Matt was overwhelmed with emotion. It hurt him to hear Tommy
describe himself as a "ghost," but it filled him with hope
to hear the determination in his voice. This time the
embrace wasn't so sudden. Matt's eyes and extended arms made
a plea for Tommy to join him and Tommy never hesitated to
answer the call. And this time the embrace wasn't so brief.
Matt needed some time to release the emotions built up
inside him. He had needed to feel Tommy in his arms and to
communicate to him how much he was appreciated and, yes, how
much he was loved.

Matt belonged to Chris, at least -- though not solely -- in
a sexual sense. Matt belonged to Tommy, too; it was a
different type of belonging, not a lesser one, just a
different one. He wouldn't deny Tommy any benefit of their
friendship, including affection, any more than he would deny
Chris any sensual or other benefit of their relationship.
Matt hoped to make many friends, but he only wanted one
boyfriend and he only wanted one best friend; those were
special and distinct designations in his mind.

Little Digger was feeling left out again and he did his best
to climb onto the couch, failing, and then complaining
miserably about it with a fresh round of yelps. Matt broke
the embrace with Tommy and lifted Digger to rest snuggly
between the two of them. Being a puppy had never felt so
good.

They talked in much greater length about the details leading
up to Coach Briggs' death.  A couple hours later, Tommy
finally had the complete accounting of events that Matt had
promised him.

Tommy said, "I still can't believe Jay and Chris are
brothers. I've never seen them speak to each other."

"They hadn't spoke in over two years, since their dad beat
them up at the shack..I think they were both embarrassed too
because of, well, what they were doing at the time. They
didn't even know they were related then," Matt added.

"What exactly were they doing?" Tommy was nothing if not
curious.

"I don't really know for sure, Tommy. I think they were just
messing around, maybe whacking off or something. I try not
to think too much about it." Definitely without thinking, he
added, "That's all Chris and me have done.or all I've done
to him."

Catching himself belatedly, Matt added, "I'm sorry Tommy.
You don't want to hear about stuff like that. Sorry."

Tommy was caught off guard, and he could feel himself
blushing. Gathering himself, he replied, "Don't apologize.
It's not like it grosses me out or anything."

Matt looked him over, still regretting what he had said.
Matt trusted Tommy and wanted to be able to talk with him
openly, but he didn't want to make him uncomfortable. Two
guys sitting around talking about their girlfriends could
have this conversation. But this wasn't two guys sitting
around talking about their girlfriends.

"It's OK, Matt. Don't feel bad on my account. We ARE best
friends and you don't ever have to feel uncomfortable around
me. I'm not that na‹ve, you know."

"I just don't want to see you get hurt." The concern was
obvious on Matt's face.

"Matt, I've already got a mother." He smiled and gave Matt a
little jab on the shoulder.

Tommy continued, "Really, don't worry about me. I'm happy
for you. You're my best friend and I want you to be happy.
I'm not jealous of you and Chris, not really. I mean, I wish
I had someone like.....well, I wish I had someone but I'm
not miserable about it. I've got you and that's enough for
me."

Matt responded to the affectionate jab, and put his hand on
Tommy's shoulder, sliding the hand across to the neck and
giving a soft squeeze there. Matt felt a stronger urge of
affection that he held back. His eyes fixed on Tommy's face
and he so wanted to lean in and just kiss him gently on the
lips; just a simple kiss of love and affection with no
sensual meaning. He wanted to, but he didn't, for he feared
there was no such thing as a simple kiss. Instead, he pulled
Tommy to him one more time and they rested their heads on
each other's shoulders, little Digger still happily in the
middle.

A knock from the top of the basement staircase brought a
jittery reaction from Tommy and he bumped heads with Matt.

"Ouch!" Matt held his noggin. The reverberations from the
bump were bouncing around inside his skull. He still wasn't
fully healed from his concussion.

"Oh, Matt. I'm sorry, man....shit. Are you OK?"

"Yeah, I'm all right," Matt said, without convincing Tommy.

There was another knock at the top of the stairs, louder
this time and followed by Joanna's voice, "Matt?"

"Yeah, mom!" His eyes wrinkled at the piercing sound of his
own reply.

Joanna opened the door and took a few steps till she could
see the boys. "Do you two need anything else?"

"No, mom. We've got everything we need."

"Matthew, do you have a headache?" Matt wasn't able to hide
the discomfort on his face.

"Yeah, mom, I do but it's going away. I'm all right. We're
about to turn in for the night anyway."

"Put on a jacket and take Digger outside for a few minutes
before you go to bed. OK?"

"OK. Good night, mom."

"Good night boys."

"Good night Mrs. Jordan. Your spaghetti was really
delicious." Tommy thought it rude not to point this out
again.

"You're welcome, Tommy. I'll make you boys some breakfast
whenever you get up. Just sleep in and get some rest."
Joanna exited the basement and pulled the door shut behind
her.

Tommy quickly turned his attention back to Matt. "Are you
sure you're OK?" Tommy rubbed his hand over Matt's forehead.
Matt closed his eyes and gladly received the comfort.

Matt softly replied, "Yeah, I'm OK. I still get dizzy a
little and I'm not fully recovered from the concussion
yet...And I've been having bad nightmares." He dreaded the
thought of another night of these cursed dreams.

Tommy doubled his concern and kept gently stroking Matt's
forehead. "What type of nightmares?"

"Really bad ones. They always wake me up and you might hear
me talking, or screaming, in my sleep tonight. I've had them
every night since the encounter with Chris's dad. I hope
they'll go away soon, but I don't know."

"I'll take Digger out for a few minutes and you lie here and
relax. OK?"

"OK, thanks Tommy," Matt barely muttered the reply as
Tommy's soothing hand had almost put him to sleep.

Tommy cradled Digger in his arms and carried him up the
steps and through the rear kitchen door exiting into the
backyard. He issued clear instructions to Digger, "If you've
got anything to do, make sure you do it now!" Digger was
hardly house trained, but not having been out since dinner,
he trotted into the grass a few steps and officially
christened his new backyard. Tommy was quite proud. "Now
you're getting the idea, good job buddy!"

Tommy looked up into the night sky. He had always been
fascinated by the movements of the moon and stars. His dad
had bought him a telescope several years before and Tommy
had become quite familiar with how to distinguish the stars
from the planets. Here in the middle of a large cluster of
houses, he found the night sky to be very disappointing with
so many of his favorite stellar objects blocked out by the
glaring beams of yard lights. Tommy Johnson most definitely
needed more space than this. He missed the view from his own
backyard.

Quietly re-entering the kitchen with Digger in hand, he
remembered to lock the back door behind him and stopped at
the bathroom to answer his own call from nature. Digger
looked down from Tommy's arm, fascinated by the stream of
water hitting the small golden pond below. Tommy whispered
to him, "I guess I'm setting a bad example for you, but I
didn't want anybody to catch me peeing in the backyard."

Now with all of nature's affairs in order, Tommy and Digger
went back down to the basement. At first he didn't see Matt.
At least, not until his ear picked up the faint rhythm of
breathing coming from the bottom bunk bed. Tommy saw the
quilt and pillows Matt had left on the couch and figured
they were there for a reason. Having checked out the bunk
beds earlier, he knew he was getting the better end of the
deal and he felt bad that Matt had sacrificed the better
sleeping spot. He tiptoed over to where Matt was sleeping
and checked in on him before turning in for the night. It
was obvious that Matt had practically collapsed onto the
bed. One foot was sticking out exposed to the air and the
blanket was haphazardly pulled around his torso. Tommy
carefully resolved this untidiness and spread the blanket
evenly across Matt's frame being sure to cover any bare
spots.

Finally happy that Matt looked comfortable, Tommy turned his
attention to Digger. There were no comfortable looking spots
on the basement cement floor, so he took the flannel shirt
he had worn earlier in the day and doubled it up into a warm
mat for Digger to lie on. Little Digger knew a comfy spot
when he saw one and he curled right up into a warm furry
ball. With no one left awake to take care of, Tommy made his
own nest on the couch after turning out the lights.

The night was peaceful for a while. The soft rhythmic sounds
of boy and little beast filled the darkened basement. The
reflective glare of the outside yard lights cast just enough
brightness inside to allow discernment of shapes for eyes
already adjusted to the night.

Tommy was a light sleeper by nature and his keen ear picked
up the change in breathing coming from the bunk bed. Matt's
rhythm had been replaced by short gasps and groans. Tommy's
eyes were now wide open and he sat up on the couch and
looked around the room, half expecting to find an intruder,
but no visible one was there. Though he could barely detect
it, there was definitely movement on the bunk bed and he
rose up and walked slowly in Matt's direction.

"No....No," the repeated words were barely whimpered from
Matt's lips. Tommy stood beside the bed and hoped the
nightmare would pass quietly by, but it didn't. Several
sudden jerks were followed by a much louder outburst of the
same word, "NO!" Tommy sat down on the side of the bed and
put a hand on Matt's shoulder, shaking him firmly, but not
quite in time to keep the dream intruder from making his
nightly round. When Matt sat up suddenly in the bed, he
scared Tommy almost as bad as Tommy's dark silhouette scared
him.

"Matt! It's just me, Tommy. It's OK, Matt." Tommy kept his
head very well for the circumstances. Digger didn't do quite
as well and he launched onto all fours and started yelping
up a storm back in the direction of the bunk bed.

Unnoticed to the boys, the door to the basement opened
quietly. An attentive pair of ears listened in to make sure
all would be well.

Matt's breathing was now short and rapid as he regained his
orientation, having awoken in the less familiar surroundings
of the basement. He got more reassurances from Tommy, who
was now soothing him with both hands. "It's all right. It
was just a dream, Matt. Just a dream."

Matt's head started to shake from side to side and tears
fell from his eyes. He exclaimed, "I'm so fucking sick and
tired of this! I want this to stop happening!" This wasn't a
time for logic or reason. He was running on pure emotion
now. Tommy's instincts were good.

"Just lie back down Matt. He can't hurt you. It was just a
dream. Lie back down..When I used to have bad dreams, my mom
would sit up and just hold my hand. If she felt my hand
squeeze hers, she'd squeeze me back a little harder and I'd
know she was still there. I used to have some really bad
ones but this always seemed to do the trick."

Matt followed Tommy's instructions and lay back down on the
narrow bed, rolling over onto his side, facing away from
Tommy. Tommy reached over him and took his hand. Matt gave
him a little squeeze and Tommy signaled back with a slightly
harder one. Tommy cuddled up behind him, on top of the
blanket, and rested his head down on the side of the pillow.
The room became quiet again and even Digger relaxed. After a
while, Tommy heard the quiet rhythm of sleep return. He felt
a light squeeze on his hand and he returned the signal.

The basement door closed as quietly as it had opened. The
pretty face with attentive ears and teary eyes made her way
back to bed making a silent pledge to fix Tommy Johnson her
finest batch of pancakes in the morning. She thought it was
the least he was owed and he would be welcome to eat till
his heart was content.

The rest of the night passed peacefully.

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