Date: Mon, 19 Dec 2011 17:08:02 -0500
From: Jesse Jesse <gmmac1987@hotmail.com>
Subject: Matthew, My Love Pt 19

	I had forgotten what it was to wake up in the morning feeling warm
and secure, to wake up with strong arms wrapped snuggly around my waist, as
if protecting me from any danger the night would bring. I'd forgotten what
it was like to be awoken by light kisses tracing my jaw, or by fingertips
ever so gently brushing the hair out of my face. Indeed, I had been on my
own for so long that it took a while to really become use to sharing a bed
with someone again. Matthew had been so wonderful about our lives coming
together again, never expecting or pressuring sex. We were simply enjoying
loving each other. He even offered to leave his parents to stay with me at
my apartment. Eventually our life together became split half and half
between spending time at my house and spending time at the Lettermans'
house, though at first I had my doubts as to how it would work out. Never
did I remember Robert and Nadine looking happier. Whenever Matthew would
put his arm around me while sitting on the couch, or pull me into his chest
during long movie, Robert and Nadine smiled like Cheshire cats. Truth be
told, I don't think I had felt this happy in a long time. Though I felt
guilty about how our relationship had, not only ended, but had been from
beginning to end, I had to admit to myself that my time with Drew had never
brought me this much happiness. Perhaps what surprised me more than
anything was Matthew's acceptance of our (Drew's and my) time spent
together. Though it was in the past and over, I had still spent my fair
share of time wondering how Matthew felt about this. He proved to me very
quickly, however, that I had nothing to worry about. I breeched the subject
one evening as we snuggled at my apartment. "Matthew, are you sure it's not
weird for you to come here, I mean with my life with Drew being here?"
"Alex the past is just that, the past. Whether we want to admit it or not,
we've both lived different lives since breaking up, and that's okay. You've
forgiven me, so who am I to hold some kind of grudge against you?"  Indeed,
that more time I spent with Matthew those first weeks, the more I began to
realize how much we'd both changed, and that's what amazed me. It was
amazing to me that, for all the changes in both our lives in the past
almost two years, our love for each other was still just as real and strong
as ever. We had both learned to accept the other for both our good traits
and our faults. We never spoke of history or things that "had been." We
were living in the present, determined to give the other a fresh, honest,
open start, free from history or baggage. It was because of this little
unspoken agreement, at least partially, that I received a great shock not a
full month after we'd began dating again.

	"Alex?" "Yes, hon?" "I've been thinking. We're trying to make a
fresh start, right?" "Yeah, I thought that was the general idea." "Well, I
think you and I should start looking for somewhere to live, on our own I
mean." "What?" "I know it's a little out of the blue, but I think it would
be good. You've told me a time or two that you still feel a bit strange
coming back here, and you know that I feel a little weird about your place,
because of why you had to move there in the first place. So all that being
said, why not let's truly put the past behind us and start over? We don't
have to move away from town, just somewhere neither of us have a history
together." Wow! Was he serious? Though he knew it was a little strange for
me, I'd tried to never allow Matthew to know just how strained and uneasy
it felt for me going back to his parents' home. It certainly was nothing
against either of them, but there were too many memories in that house. And
the cruel truth was that those memories brought back even more memories,
memories that we'd both tried our best to put behind us! "I think that's a
great idea. Where should we start?" There was that dazzling smile, that
smile that took my breath, but also meant that he had some kind of trick up
his sleeve! "Well, I guess I should be honest. I've kinda had my eye on a
little place." I did my best to mock displeasure and being upset. "Oh,
really?" "Well, now before you get upset, just hear me out. When I was out
the other day, you know the other day when I said I needed to be alone?
Well, honestly I did want to be alone, but not for the reasons I made you
think. I didn't want to ask you until I made sure I knew the whole story,
but I've found a great little place just a few miles from here. I wanted to
make sure the thing was livable before I brought it up, but now I'm excited
to show you. I really think you will like it!"

	I didn`t "like" the house, I loved it! It was like something out of
a fairy tale. As it turned out, the house wasn't a "house" at all, but an
old log cabin, sitting alone at the head of a "holler," as the mountain
people called it, between two ridges of the mountains. The closest house,
we had guessed, was about two miles back, so should we decided to rent, we
would have great privacy. The owner had no idea how old the cabin really
was, saying she "just always remembered it being there on the family land."
The house seemed to fit perfectly into the surroundings. Being in the
mountains, surrounded by the massive poplars, oaks, and pines of
Appalachia, the whole thing looked as though it needed to be on some post
card, and if I hadn't been sold on the outside, the inside did it! Though I
still thought "roughing it" when I heard the word cabin, I was very
pleasantly surprised by the insides. Though the outside gave an entirely
different feel, the inside of the log house was a thoroughly modern
house. The front door opened into an open floor plan with both the living
area and kitchen, separated only by a beautifully done bar between. The
living area was fairly spacious, the furniture obviously chosen to make one
feel that "outdoorsy" feeling. But the truth actually being said, the house
had been decorated in a way that still felt cozy. Instead of the typical
hunting lodge feel with animal heads and skin rugs everywhere, overstuffed
leather furniture and plaids made the house feel cozy and like a home. The
couch and two loveseats were centered around a massive stone fireplace that
took up the entire left wall of the living room. Even as we stood listening
to the chatty lady clatter on about who owned the house in 1968, and
someone else in 1975, I found myself staring at the fireplace, imagining a
roaring fire crackling, and my Christmas tree glistening through the
windows toward the cold snow outside. The kitchen, though a little cramped,
seemed it would serve our purposes just fine, having a beautiful view of
the small pond at one end of the house. At the very back of the house stood
a wrought iron winding staircase that led up to the second floor. The
second floor almost gave the impression of another house altogether,
lacking only the kitchen. A small landing at the top of the stairs sat
directly centered in the house, with a door on each side opening into the
bedrooms. The master bedroom was fairly roomy, filled with it's own
furniture, an antique sleigh bed, another tiny sitting area, and a very
nice bathroom, and this was what surprised us the most. "And right in here
is the highlight surprise. You'll have your own hot tub in here." We both
could've fallen over as the lady wiggled her eyebrows at us
mischievously. Though we'd both been surprised at how modern the inside of
the house had been updated to, neither of us had expected the beautiful hot
tub that sat looking out a window towards the small pond and field that
surrounded it. "I expect you two'll make real good use of this, if you
decide to rent!" The woman cackled as she left us goggling at the
bathroom. Matthew's face grew crimson as he turned and mouthed toward me "I
didn't tell her!"

	Back in the living room there were details and serious questions to
be worked out. Did the house have other heat besides the fireplace? Was the
plumbing usable, or would it catch us at the worst time and cause mayhem?
And what about heat and insulation? Finally the lady stood and gave us both
a serious look. "Guys, I've been as honest with you as I know to be. As
best I know, the house is perfectly livable and in good shape. I'll tell
you what, though. If it'll ease your minds, you get an inspector out here
first thing tomorrow, and he can tell you the facts as he see's `em!" As it
turned out, Robert and Nadine had known about Matthew's plans, both of them
smiling wicked smiles as they listened to our recount of the day. Robert
had already planned on sending a friend of his, an inspector, out to help
us decide on the house. "I'll send Clay out first thing in the morning with
you, and he'll tell you if there's anything to worry about." But as we
found out that next morning, there was nothing to worry about. The house
was in great shape. Finally the landlady, Myra as we learned, sat down with
us to discuss price, and this was what I dreaded most, but for some strange
reason, Matthew seemed unusually calm about the ordeal. "Okay, Myra. Are we
still on for the same price agreement?" The lady smiled and nodded. "Hun,
that sound's good to me. You keep the house in decent shape and do the work
around the old place, and we'll agree on $100 a month." The next two days
were as hectic as any I could remember in a great while. Though my cousin
Carla was surprised at my leaving the apartment above their garage, she was
ecstatic at Matthew's and my news, even agreeing to give me a few days off
"to get settled in," as she said with a sly wink. Ten trips from my old
apartment and the Lettermans' later Matthew and I stood smiling at each
other like little children. "Well, I guess we're home." "Yes, I guess we
are." Matthew crossed the floor and hugged me tightly. "Are you sure this
is okay? You know, we could've went somewhere else? I can still call and
tell her we've changed our minds." "Babe, I've told you. As long as I'm
with you, I don't care where we are, but yes. This is perfect! Besides,
it's only fifteen minutes from my work and twenty from your parents. It's
not like we've left civilization." He chuckled. "I don't know. We're pretty
far out here in the sticks. Are you sure you'll be able to handle this?" I
shoved him playfully as I ran out in the yard, running into the late spring
sunlight. "The question is will you be able to handle it?" In an instant I
was practically smothered by his strong arms. "Have no worries. I can
handle you. Now, come here. I've got to carry you across the threshold." I
laughed hysterically. "I'm not your bride!" To my surprise, he suddenly
grew very serious. "No, you're not, and I'm sorry. You're not a woman, and
I shouldn't treat you like one. You're a very strong, self sufficient young
man, the love of my life. That's what you are to me, and I'm sorry for
saying that." It was my turn to grow serious. "Matthew, I know you don't
look at me as a woman. I was only joking. I like the fact that you show me
love and care. That's what attracted me to you on that very first evening,
the fact that you are such a caring, tender person. You treat me with more
tenderness and love than anyone else I've ever seen, like I'm breakable. I
don't want you to stop. If you ever stop, if you ever leave me, then I may
really break. My heart really will!" There was that dazzling smile that
made my heart jump. "Then come here, my little breakable china. I will
carry you across the threshold of our new life together!"